Willmar tribune. [volume], October 10, 1906, Image 3

About Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
Geronimo, untamed man killer, un
reconstructed savage, wily, blood
thirsty and cruel, now an aged, hope
less, helpless, dying prisoner, has told
the complete story of his life. His
autobiography, which has been edited
for him by S. M. Barrett, with full per
mission and consent of the war de
partment, is about to be published. It
makes a long, weird and intensely in
teresting story, as will be noted by
portions reproduced here, says the
New York Herald.
Mr. Barrett, after gaining the confi
dence of the old Apache, led him to
tell of his birth, his early days and
his warfare on other Indians and pale
faces.
Of his battles with Miles and Crook,
of what he calls the injustice done to
the Indian, the old savage writes:
"Perhaps the greatest wrong ever
done to the Indians was the treat
ment received by our tribe from the
United States troops about 1863. The
chief of our tribe, Mangus Colorado,
went to make a treaty of peace for our
people with the white settlement at
Apache Tejo, N. M. It had been re
ported tp us that the white men in
this settlement were more friendly
and more reliable than those in Ari
zona, that they would live up to their
treaties and would not wrong the In
dians.
"Mangus-Colorado, with three other
warriors, went to Apache Tejo and
held a council with these citizens and
soldiers. They told him that if he
would come with his tribe and live
near them they would issue to him,
from the government, blankets, flour,
provisions, beef and all manner of
supplies. Our chief promised to re
turn to Apache Tejo within two weeks.
When he came back to our settlement
he assembled the whole tribe in coun
cil. I did not believe that the people
at Apache Tejo would do as they said
and therefore I opposed the plan, but
it was decided that with part of the
tribe Mangus-Colorado should return
to Apache Tejo and receive an issue
of rations and supplies. If they were
as represented, and if these white
men would keep the treaty faithfully,
the remainder of the tribe would join
him and we would make our perma
nent home at Apache Tejo. I was to
remain in charge of that portion of
the tribe which stzryed in Arizona. We
gave almost all of our arms and am
munition to the party going to Apache
Tejo, so that in case there should be
treachery they would be prepared for
any surprise. Mangus-Colorado and
about half of our people went to New
Mexico, happy that now they had
found white men who would be kind
to them, and with whom they could
live in peace and plenty.
Claims Comrades Were Slain.
"No word ever came to use from
them. From other sources, however,
we heard that they had been treacher
ously captured and slain. In this di
lemma we did not know just exactly
what to do, but fearing that the troops
who had captured them would attack
us, we retreated into the mountains
near Apache Tejo.
"During the weeks that followed
the departure of our people we had
been in suspense, and, failing to pro
vide more supplies, had exhausted all
of our store of provisions. This was
another reason for moving camp. On
this retreat, while passing through the
mountains, we discovered four men
with a herd of cattle. Two of the men
were in front in a buggy and two
were behind on horseback. We killed
all four, but did not scalp them they
were not warriors. We drove the cat
tle back into the mountains, made a
camp ,and began to kill the cattle and
pack the meat.
"Before we had finished this work
we were surprised and attacked by
United States troops, who killed in
all seven Indians—one warrior, three
women and three children. The gov
ernment troops were mounted, and so
were we, but we were poorly armed,
having given most of our weapons to
the division of our tribe that had gone
to Apache Tejo, so we fought mainly
with spears, bows, and arrows. At
first I had a spear, a bow and a few
arrows, but in a short time my spear
and all my arrows were gone. Once
I was wounded, but by dodging from
side to side of my horse as he ran I
escaped. During this fight we scat
tered in all directions and two days
later reassembled at our appointed
place of rendezvous, about 50 miles
from the scene of this battle.
Fought With Rocks and Clubs.
"About ten days later the same
QONIMO
STOW
IPE
0.
United States troops attacked our
new camp at sunrise. The fight lasted
all day, but our arrows and spears
were all gone before ten o'clock and
for the remainder of the day we had
only rocks and clubs with which to
fight We could do little damage with
these weapons, and at night we moved
our camp about four miles back into
the mountains, where it would be hard
for the cavalry to follow us. The next
day our scouts, who had been left be
hind to observe the movements of the
soldiers, returned, saying that the
troops had gone back toward San
Carlos reservation.
"We went on toward Old Mexico,
but on the second day after this Unit
ed States soldiers overtook us about
three o'clock in the afternoon and we
fought until dark. The ground where
we were attacked was very rough,
which was to our advantage, for the
troops were compelled to dismount in
order to fight us. I do not know how
many soldiers we killed, but we lost
only one warrior and three children.
We had plenty of guns and ammuni
tion at this time. Many of the guns
and much ammunition we had ac
cumulated while living in the reserva
tion, and the remainder we had ob
tained from the White Mountain
Apaches when we left the reservation.
"The troops did not follow us any
longer, so we went south almost to
Casa Grande and camped in the Sierra
de Saharipa mountains. We ranged
in the mountains of Old Mexico for
about a year, then returned to San
Carlos, taking with us a herd of cat
tle and horses.
Horses and Cattle Seized.
"Soon after we arrived at San Car
los the officer in charge, Gen. Crook,
took the horses and cattle away from
us. I told him that these were not
white men's cattle, but belonged to us,
for we had taken them from the Mex
icans during our wars. I also told
him that we did not intend to kill
these animals«but that we wished to
keep them and raise stock on our
range. He would not listen to me,
but took the stock. I went up near
Fort Apache and Gen. Crook ordered
officers, soldiers and scouts to see that
I was arrested. If I offered resistance
they were instructed to kill me
"That night we held a council of
war, our scouts had reported bands of
United States and Mexican troops at
many points in the mountains. We
estimated that about two thousand
soldiers were ranging these mountains
seeking to capture us.
Interview with Gen. Crook.
"Gen Crook had come down into
Mexico with the United States troops.
They were camped in the Sierra de
Antunez mountains. Scouts told me
that Gen. Crook wished to see me and
I went to his camp. When I arrived
Gen. Crook said to me, 'Why did you
leave the reservation?' I said: 'You
told me that I might live in the reser
vation the same as white people lived.
One year I raised a crop of corn, and
gathered and stored it, and the next
year I put in a crop of oats, and when
the crop was almost ready to harvest
you told your soldiers to put me in
prison, and if I resisted to kill me. If
I had been let alone I would now have
been in good circumstances, but in
stead of that you and the Mexicans
are hunting me with soldiers.' He
said: 'I never gave any such orders
the troops at Fort Apache, who spread
this report, knew that it was untrue.'
Then I agreed to go back with him to
San Carlos.
"It was hard for me to believe him
at that time. Now I know that what
he said was untrue, and I firmly be
lieve that he did issue the orders for
me to be put in prison or to be killed
in case I offered resistance.
"We started with all our tribe to go
with Gen. Crook back to the United
States, but I feared treachery and con*
eluded to remain in Mexico. We were
not under any guard at this time.
The United States troops marched in
front and the Indians followed, and
when we became suspicious we turned
back. I do not know how far the
United States army went after myself
and some warriors turned back before
we were missed, and I do not care.
Capt. Lawton in the Field.
"Soon Gen. Miles was made com
mander of all the western posts, and
troops trailed us continually. They
were led by Capt. Lawton, who had
good scouts. The Mexican soldiers
also became more active and more
numerous. We had skirmishes almost
every day, and so we finally decided
OtattrarftH Ammrans
By HON MOBERLY BELL,
Maniger of the London Times.
N THE general feeling in England toward America it is dif
ficult to write briefly because I think it is so generally misun
derstood. The popular feeling in America is, I believe, that
until recently there was a strong anti-American feeling here,
and that it has now been removed.
So long as that idea remains there will be misconceptions.
The fact is that there never was anything but a friendly feel
ing on this side, though I quite admit it was difficult fox an
American to realize this.
Have you never seen father and son—the former devoted
to the latter, but never understanding him—always too inclined to find
3 &$&&
to
Mixonizer-too inclined jfe criticise-^ son letting
to break up into small bands. With
six men and four women I made for
the range of mountains near Hot
Springs, New Mexico. We passed
many cattle ranches, but had no trou
ble with the cowboys. We killed cat
tle to eat whenever we were in need
of food, but we frequently suffered
greatly for water. At one tme we
had no water for two days and nights
and our horses almost died from thirst.
We ranged in the mountans of New
Mexico for some time then, think
ing that perhaps the troops had left
Mexico, we returned. On our return
through Old Mexico we attacked every
Mexican found, even if for no other
reason than to kill. We believed they
had asked the United States troops to
come to Mexico to fight us.
"South of Casa Grande, near a place
called by the Indians Gosoda, there
was a road leading out from the town.
There was much freighting carried on
by the Mexicans over this road.
Where the road ran through a moun
tain pass we stayed in hiding, and
whenever Mexican freighters passed
we killed them, took what supplies
we wanted and destroyed the remaind
er. We were reckless of our lives,
because we felt that every man's hand
was against us. If we returned to the
reservation we would be put In prison
and killed if we stayed in Mex
ico they would continue to send sol
diers to fight us so we gave no quar
ter to any one and asked no favors.
"After some time we left Gosoda
and soon were reunited with our tribe
in the Sierra de Antunez mountains.
Skirmishing Every Day.
"Contrary to our expectations the
United States soldiers had not left
the mountains in Mexico, and were
soon trailing us and skirmishing with
us almost every day. Four or five
times they surprised our camp. One
time they surprised us about nine
o'clock in the morning, captured all
ClMdJW&OM&
our horses (19 in number) and secured
our store of dried meats. We also
lost three Indians in this encounter.
About the middle of the afternoon of
the same day we attacked them from
the rear as they were passing through
a prairie—killed one soldier, but lost
none ourselves. In this skirmish we
recovered all our horses except three
that belonged to me. The three horses
that we did not recover were the best
riding horses we had.
"Soon after this scouts from Capt.
Lawton's troops told us that he wished
to make a treaty with us but I knew
that Gen. Miles was the chief of the
American troops, and I decided to
treat with him.
"I sent my brother Perico (White
Horse) with Mr. George Wrattan on
to Fort Bowie to see Gen. Miles and
to tell him that we wished to return
to Arizona but before these messen
gers returned I met two Indian scouts
—Kayitah, a Chokonen Apache, and
Marteen, a Nedni Apache. They were
serving as scouts for Capt. Lawton's
troops. They told me that Gen. Miles
had come and had sent them to ask
me to meet him. So I went to the
camp of the United States troops to
meet Gen. Miles.
Gen. Miles' Promises.
"When I arrived at their camp I
Living for God.
No life to a failure which la lived for
God, and all lives are failures whicli
are lived for any other end.-r-F. W.
MA*
went directly to Gen. fillies and told
him how I had been wronged and I
wanted to return to the United States
with my people, as we wished to see
our families, who had been captured
and taken away from us. Gen. Miles
said to me: 'The president of the
United States has sent me to speak to
you. He has heard of your trouble
with the white men, and says that if
you will agree to a few words of treaty
we need have no more trouble. Ge
ronimo, if you will agree to a few
words of treaty all will be satisfac
torily arranged.'
"Then he talked with me for a long
time and told me what he would do
for me in the future if I would agree
to the treaty. I did not hardly believe
Gen. Miles, but because the president
of the United States had sent me word
I agreed to make the treaty and to
keep it. Then I asked Gen. Miles what
the treaty would be. Gen. Miles said
to me: 'I will take you under govern
ment protection. I will build you a
house. I will fence you much land.
I will give you cattle, horses, mules
and farming implements. You will be
furnished with men to work the farm,
for you yourself will not have to work.
In the fall I will send you blankets
and clothing, so that you will not suf
fer from cold in the winter time.
"'There is plenty of timber, water
and grass in the land to which I will
send you. You will live with your
tribe and with your family. If you
agree to this treaty you shall see your
family within five days.'
Agreed to Make Treaty.
"I said to Gen. Miles: 'All the offi
cers that have been in charge of the
Indians have talked that way, and it
sounds like a story to me I hardly
believe you.' He said: 'This time it
is the truth.' I said: 'Gen. Miles, I
do not know the laws of the white
man, nor of this new country where
you are to send me, and I might break
on the father's nerves by 50 little tricks—the son getting irritated and
bored by his father's old-fashioned ways and perpetual lecturings? Yet
at heart each is proud of the other, and each would back the other against
the world.
That is the secret of our relations for a hundred years. What is
the change? Only that the father has at last realized that the son is
grown up and must no longer be treated as a child, and the son realizes
that with all his irritating old-fashioned fussiness and irritability the
old man is a real good sort—because his own sort.
Instead of family affection accompanied by the dignified stand-oil of
the older man to the young and rather pushing boy, there is family af
fection accompanied by a full recognition of equality. Instead of man and
boy, it is man and man.
The average Britisher has a contempt for the "foreigner." By a
"foreigner" he means a man who talks a language that he doesn't un
derstand. He doesn't regard any man who talks English, (whether it
be Scotch, Cockney, Devonshire or American English) as a foreigner—he's
just English. He doesn't gush over him he just sticks to him.
~CL06MG7WE
their laws.' He said: 'While I live
you will not be arrested.' Then I
agreed to make the treaty. Since I
have been a prisoner of war I have
been arrested and placed in the guard
house twice for drinking whisky.
"We stood between his troopers and
my warriors. We placed a large stone
on the blanket before us. Our treaty
was made by this stone, and it was
to last till the stone should crumble
to dust so we made the treaty, and
bound each other with an oath.
"I do not believe that I have ever
violated that treaty, but Gen. Miles
never fulfilled his promises.
"When we had made the treaty
Gen. Miles said to me: 'My brother,
you have in your mind how you are
going to kill men, and other thoughts
of war I want you to put that out of
your mind and change your thoughts
to peace.'
"Then I agreed and gave up my arms.
I said: 'I will quit the warpath and
live at peace hereafter.'
"Then Gen. Miles swept a spot of
ground clear with his hand and said:
'Your past deeds shall be wiped out
like this and you will start a new
life.'"
Want the Limelight.
The trouble is that revolutions are
generally loath to take the back track.
No Chance to Prove It.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a
crown, perhaps, but it is merely hear*
say with the majority of us.—Chicago
Daily Newsr* u'*^
'M-
0 a oi
At the National Capital
Interesting Gossip by Our Washington Correspondent—People's
Lobby to Be Established-Senator Smoot Will Urge Reestablish
ment of the Army Canteen.
SMOOT TO FIGHT FOR CANTEEN.
While the senate is deciding whether Senator
Smoot, of Utah, shall retain his seat in that body
the senator himself will be urging upon his col
leagues the passage of a bill providing for the re
establishment of the army canteen, which he
intends to introduce early next December.
"I have little reputation to lose among the
women of the country," the senator says, "so it
seems that I may as well be the champion of
what each and every representative in congress
believes should be done. I think they all agree
with the officers of the army that the anti-can
teen law is unwise. But because of public senti
ment they all are afraid to come out and urge its
repeal"
The furrier was taking his stock out
of the mothproof cold storage-room.
It came forth frozen stiff, and coated
with glistening white frost But there
was one beautiful skin that, though
just as stiff as any of the others, had
no frost on it.
"It is easy to talk about furs," said
the .dealer, "but I want you to look
at this skin. It to the kind that the
richest Russian grand dukes and so
on, have their overcoat collars made
WASHINGTON.—Everybody except the peo
ple seems to have a lobby whenever any import
ant interest is affected by legislation. Now it is
proposed to locate here a bureau, headed and
managed by men of unquestionable character and
repute, which shall watch legislation with only
the public interest in mind, analyze it, report on
it, publish the facts about it, and employ such
proper means as may be required to induce con
gress to legislate for the popular interest rather
than for special interests.
The lobby was proposed originally by Henry
Beach Needham, of this city, and has been taken
up by such men as Mark Twain, Lincoln Steffens,
Benjamin Ide Wheeler and William Allen White.
The People's lobby will have facilities for
watching and studying legislation. Competent
lawyers will examine and ascertain what the
"jokers" are in legislation. Skilled observers will
Keep touch with the operations of lobbying representatives of "interests."
J-ne results of all these inquiries will be given to the public. Publicity is to
organization. The managers believe it is the most
effective weapon, and potent to accomplish all the results.
The lobby will give the people opportunity to be heard, if its plans prove
its practicability. It isn't going to undertake anything sensational or start
ling. It will be a sort of watchdog of popular interests. It will not get tired
wnen popular interest wanes it will keep on at its work even when there
is not at the White House a president with the disposition to wring things
from congress.
This is in outline the plan of the people's lobby. The letters which have
been received, following the first announcement of the plan, indicate a notable
interest in the movement. Ex-Gov. Garvan, of Rhode Island State Senator
Ulby, of New Jersey Gov. Deneen, of Illinois Winston Churchill, of New
Hampshire, are among those who sent appreciative responses to the appeal for
cooperation and support.
Any well defined effort to secure the repeal
of the anti-canteen law is certain to bring down
upon congress an avalanche of protests from the
women of the country. It was the women who
compelled the abolition of the canteen, and it is woman's influence that has
deterred the congressmen from doing anything in the direction of its restitu
tion as recommended by army officers.
POLITICS MAY SPLIT LABOR LEADERS.
Officials of the American Federation of Labur
believe that after election a distinct breach will
be opened between President Samuel Gompers
and John Mitchell, president of the United Mine
Workers, and vice president of the Federation.
Friction between them that will develop into
a breach is regarded as inevitable for the reason
that Gompers is jealous of the growth of Mitchell
as a political factor. Mitchell adheres to the
Roosevelt school of politics, while Gompers is
with the other faction.
There is no question among neutral mem
bers of the official body of the Federation but
that Gomper's activity in this campaign is due to
the fact that Mitchell made a success of his fight
in behalf of Roosevelt. Mitchell's prominence in
the labor field made him the man among organ
ized labor most consulted by President Roosevelt
and other public men. Although Gompers was
the head of the organization, he was seldom consulted. It was always Mitchell,
the vice president, who was called in to express the views of the Federation.
He was called to the White House, took lunch there, and on one occasion was
a dinner guest. Gompers, so it is said, saw his opportunity to come to the
front in this congressional campaign by bringing forward the1 fact that con
gress had ignored the recommendation of the Federation, while the president
and leaders in congress had given ear to Mitchell. That fact, it is believed,
inspired the sudden activity with respect to the eight-hour law and the anti
injunction bills last spring.
Mitchell is so closely identified with the Republican organization that
activity on his part would have brought him into conflict with many of his
closest friends.
HUMORS OF RURAL DELIVERY SERVICE.
The establishment of new rural free delivery
routes in various sections of the country is fre
quently attended wita laughable incidents, and
the narration of the«£ tales from real life has
been known to afford material for more than one
after-dinner speaker. One such story has been
related by members of a party of Washingtonians
recently returned from the environs of Bucksport,
Me, and those responsible for telling the inci
dent claim now to by in full understanding of the
reason for Denman Thompson choosing his char
acters for "The Old Homestead" from this old
fasnioned region in the shade of Mount Katahdin.
It seems that a rural free delivery system
was recently started with Bucksport as the cen
ter, and on one of the routes a member of the
"Smith" family was among the first to put out a
receptacle for his mail. The box happened to be
a beehive, and Mr. Smith cut a slit in the top for
letters and papers Aid nailed the whole on the upper step of an old stepladder.
On the face of the "letter box" he inscribed his name in this fashion: "B.
S Mith"—and so stood ready to receive communications from his friends. Un
fortunately it happened that Mr. B. Smith had borrowed the beehive from a
neighbor some two years before, and it goes without saying that the owner
was not slow in claiming his property when it thus came to light. Now "B.
S Mith" is without A mail box, but it is stated on good authority that he has
never been known receive a piece of mail oftener than once in six months,
and that only an advertising circular.
WIPING OUT THE. GOVERNMENT DEFICIT.
Probably the happiest man among the de
partment officials in Washington at this time is
Assistant Secretary James B. Reynolds of the
treasury. Mr. Reynolds is a Massachusetts man,
and hia duties as assistant secretary give him
especial charge of the customs branch of the
government. Under the direction of Mr. Rey
nolds, the customs revenues are collected, and
the intricate details of the operations of the tariff
law are directed, in order to bring the greatest
possible returns and safeguard the public inter
est, as well as domestic Industries, from the at
tacks of ingenious and ambitious foreign traders.
Assistant Secretary Reynolds is of the opin
ion that his branch of the government is pretty
nearly the whole thing at this time. The much
abused tariff law, under the direction of the cus
toms experts, is producing revenues sufficient to
save the nation from a deficit. Last year the
treasury balance on the right side of the ledger was a few millions, and this
result was achieved following a year in which the balance on the wrong side
of the ledger wa* upward of $30,000,000. Starting with the present fiscal year
a deficit of 96,000,000 or $7,000,000 showed up within a month as a result of an
extraordinary draft to pay congressional appropriations. This deficit has
already been practically wiped out and the indications are that Uncle Sam
will have a snug balance at the end'of the present fiscal year.
It is the customs business that is producing these desirable results. The
duties upon imported commodities have brought into the treasury within a lit
tle more than two months $10,000,000 more than came in during the same
period a year ago. This is the fact that causes happiness to Assistant Secre
tary Reynolds. He is able to show that while other receipts of the govern
ment have increased only two or three million dollars, a handsome showing to
made by the customs branch under his management.
BEST FOR A COLLAR
"It is a sea otter's skin, and it to
so expensive that often one coat col
lar of it will cost $300. It to unques
tionably the best skin in the world to
make coat collars of.
"Why? Look at this one, and you'll
see. All the other skins are covered
with frost, while on this fur no trace
whatever appears. And that's the rea
son why sea otter skins make the
best coat collars. The breath, tot
some unknown reason, doesn't freeze
on them." S
A%
"W-
I I1.*WIJ»ILJ«
HE STOPS AN
"Whoa!" cried Policeman Flynn.
"Whoa, I tell ye! Shtop!"
The man with the automobile slowed
up, and finally came to a full stop.
"What^ the matter?" he asked
"Matther!" ejaculated Policeman
Flynn. "D'ye think this is a speedin'
tra-ack? Ha-ave ye th' idee that th*
people on th' cross-walks is hur-rdles,
an* that 't is f'r you to show th' kind iv
a jockey ye are? Are ye iv th' opinion
that ye're doin' th' cha-arge iv th' Light
Brigade all be ye-ersilf I'll ha-ave no
autymobils goin' out afther th' record
where I'm wearin' a po-lis ba-adge."
"This isn't an automobile," asserted
the man who had been stopped. "I can't
afford anything so aristocratic as that.
This is only a horseless carriage."
"May-be 't is so," returned Policeman
Flynn "but 't is wr-rong ye are if ye
think this is a copless boolvar an" if ye
persist in vi'atin' th' la-aw, I'll r-run
ye in, I will that."
"I'm violating no law," replied the
man, in a quiet tone.
"Oho! ye think ye're smar-rt, don't
ye?" exclaimed Policeman Flynn. "Ye'd
go to shplittin' hairs with a po-lisman
an' thryin' to come over him with th' ol'
joke Iv coorse ye're vi'latin' no la-aw
now. F'r why? F'r because I shtopped
ye 'T is not th' likes iv you that can
throw down Barney Flynn on that gag."
"But I haven't been violating any
law," insisted the man.
"Ye ha-aven't!" cried Policeman
Flynn, his breath fairly taken away by
the calm assertion. "Ye ha-aven't! Oh,
no, iv coorse ye ha-aven't. Ye've only
been cr-reepin' along like ye was pushin'
a ba-aby's go-cart. Why, ye gasyleen
injlneer, ye've been makin' twinty miles
an hour."
"What of it?" asked the man.
"There's no law against it
"Sa-ay," cautioned Policeman Flynn,
with a solemn shake of his head, "a
joke's a joke, an' I can ta-ake wan with
th' nex' ma-an, but don't be afther push
in' me too far, or I'll ha-ave ye before th'
po-lis coort, I will so."
"On what charge?" demanded the
man.
"Fa-ast dhrivin'^" answered Police
man Flynn
"I haven't been driving fast," asserted
the man "I haven't been driving at
all. The law says 'riding or driving any
horse or horses or other animals,' and
that doesn't affect me."
"Keep ye-er na-ands off, I'll not l'ave
ye do it.
automobile, "if you re through talking
to yourself I'll move along."
"Not so fa-ast," interposed Police
man Flynn. "Ye may be r-right an' ye
may be wr-rong, but they's wan p'int I
want settled. D'ye intind to keep down
to th* la-awful shpeed?"
1
"There is no lawful speed for me,"
answered the man defiantly. "I can go
as fast as I want to."
"M-m-m, now," said Policeman Flynn
to himself, as he drew his hand thought
fully across his chin, "I wisht I ha-ad th'
good woman here f'r to tell me what to
do. 'Tis a mighty puzzlin' thing but,"
he added, addressing the man with the
automobile, "if ye're goin' to ma-ake th'
pe-desthrlans give exhibitions iv
gr-round an' lofty tumblin', I'll take th'
jchanst an' r-run ye in."
"Come on," returned the man, mak
ing room for the officer on the seat be
side him.
Policeman Flynn hesitated for a mo
ment, and then climbed up.
"Go shlow," he cautioned, "or 'twill
be th' wor-rse f'r ye."
"You don't suppose I'm going to take
myself to the station, do you?" retorted
the man. "You'll have to take me."
"Iv coorse I'll take ye," said Police*
man Flynn. 'Tis f'r that I'm here.
jQ'wan, now."
Aj
HISTOR
LYNN
AUTOMOBILE.
thryin' to ma-ake a monkey iv me."
"Oh, well, I'll do it," replied the man,
conciliatonly, "but I want to caution you
about one thing. You musn't touch me
or interfere with me in any way wEen I
get my hand on the levers. If you do
we're likely to go sailing through the
side of a house."
"I must l'ave ye alone?"
"Absolutely."
"Thin don't ye put ye-er ha-ands on
thim things, or I'll bat ye over th' head!"
exclaimed Policeman Flynn. "How do
I know where ye'll la-and me?"
"You don't."
"Ye might r-run me miles awa-ay."*
"I might"
"Go on yourself," answered the man.
"I'm in the hands of the law, and so is
the automobile. Let the law run it."
"VvQ heard iv th" machin'ry iv th"
la-aw,w commented Policeman Flynn,
"but 't Is th' flr-rst time I was iver up
ferninst It. D'ye think I'm goin' to r-run
th' autymobil?"
"Certainly."
"If I laid me ha-ands on thim handles
we'd be climbin' th* tiligraft-poles an"
jumpin' over houses an' lots
"That's your lookout."
"I'll not touch thim I ha-ave a wife
to support, an' 't w'u'd be a sha-ame f'r
me to ta-ake me own life An' it luks
to me," went on the patrolman, begin
ning to show signs of anger, "like ye was
"Whoa! I tell ye! Shtop!'
Policeman Flynn scratched his head.
He wasn't sure that the ordinance was
correctly quoted, but neither was he
prepared to deny it. It certainly sound
ed right.
"Luk at that, now!" he said at last.
'Tis like thim gazabos that makes th'
la-aw f'r to l'ave a cha-ance f'r th' ma-an
that vi'lates it to skin out iv It. Here
I am thryin' to do me juty, an' no
cha-ance f'r annything but th' wor-rst
iv it, whativer I do. Th' la-aw is made
f'r th' good people, but't is r-read be th'
coorts f'r th' other wans. If they's a
hole in it, th' lawyer shticks a crow
ba-ar in, an' th' judge gives a bit iv help,
an' bechuhe th' two they ma-ake th'
op'nin' big enough f'r to put a locomo
tive mjme through. If iver I had th'
ma-akin' iv th' la-aw I'd ha-ave first iv
all in th' big book a sintence r-readin*
like this: 'Th' la-aws herein mane what
they mane, an' not what they sa-ay.'
'Tis th' only wa-ay, f'r now whin a
aaa-an dhraws up a la-aw he knows
what he's afther, an' iverybody ilse
knows what he's afther, but th' coort
takes two fa-alls out iv it, an' he gets
what he doesn't want, or ilse th' la-aw
is broke into sma-all bits."
"Well," remarked the man with the
"Keep ye-er ha-ands off. I'll not l'ave
ye do it"
"If you won't run it and you won't let
me, what are we going to do?"
It was a hard problem, and Policeman
Flynn looked puzzled.
"I wisht th' good woman was here,"
he sighed. 'Tis a fine thing I've been
dom' to mesilf, an' me an ol' man on th*
foorce. M-m-m, well, I'll take ye with
out th' autymobil."
"Somebody may run away with it,'*
protested the man, in alarm
"I'll ta-ake th' r-risk," said Policeman
Flynn. "G'wan, now! Out ye go!"
"Say," returned the man, weakening,
"just call it all off, and I'll promise to
keep within the lawful rate of speed for
horses
"Ye will?"
"Sure"
"Give me ye-er ca-ard, GO'S I'll know
where to find ye if ye're lyin' to me."
The man handed over a card, and Po
liceman Flynn jumped to the ground.
"G'wan, now," he said, and when the
man had turned a corner he drew a long
breath and muttered to himself. "Ho
had me worried, he did that. Oho!
'tis a fine picture I'd make ma-archm'
him off an' l'avin' th' autymobil f'r th*
la-ads to pla-ay with! 'Twas a gr-reat
bluff I put up, but, thank Hivin! it
la-anded him
(Copyright, 1906, by Joseph Bowl«s.
(Copyright, by the Century Co)
A SPEED CHASTENER.
Emergency brake and chauffeur
chute by which an owner can reduce
speed and remove chauffeur without
injury to machine or guests.—N. Y.
Herald.
Native Question.
Mrs. Alexander, the novelist, lives
in Florence. There a young American,
woman recently interviewed her.
"Mrs. Alexander was delightful,"
said the young woman. "She amused
me very much. I, too, amused her—
she thought me nane.
"Once, when I asked her a certain
question about the financial side of
novel writing, she declared that my
question was as naive as that of a
little Florentine child's that she had
heard about the day before.
"The child, at dinner with her par-*
ents, turned to her mother and said:
'Mamma, where were you born?*
'"At Padua, darling.'
'But I was born in Florence, wasn't
I?'
'Yes, dear.'
"'And father, where was he born?*
I Venice.'
"The little girl looked gravely from
one to the other.
'Isn't it funny,' she said, 'that we
should all have met like this?'"
The Secret of Beauty.
Miss De Plain—Doctor, what is the
secret of beauty?
Family Physician (confidentially)—
Be born pretty.—N. W. Weekly.
Not Blind.
"Do you believe that love is blind?**
"Not married love it has eyes like
gimlets."—Houston Post.
What He Wanted Cut.
The Barber—Hair cut, sir?
The Victim—Yes, and conversation.
Cut both!—Yonkers Statesman.
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