Willmar tribune. [volume], August 11, 1915, Image 3

About Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
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The bee, he buzzes all the while
In flight, in hive, by garden wall,
And still—it really makes one
smile—
The buzzards' not a bee at all.
—Detroit News.
The fly, he hums around the house
Upon the ceiling, floor and wall
And still—(so still, just like a
mouse)—
The humbug's not a fly at all.
—Duluth News Tribune.
The little duck, he quacks and
quacks
In sunshine, rain or squall,
And still—it does seem kind o*
queer—
The quack is not a duck at all.
—US.
Horatio Grimshaw of Priam says
he can't see how anyone can eat
frog legs. But old Doc Stiphleg
says its worse to catch 'em.
FOUND—A white lady's shoe
(can be worn by colored lady too
for that matter) on East Litchfield
Ave., near coal shute. To ayoid
unnecessarry stampede at the In
cubator office, it might be stated
that the shoe in question is for the
(left) foot, has never been used
and was bought (everything not
being gold that glitters) at the
Brass Rule Store in St. Paul. Fin
der will appreciate if looser bring
in mate to Incubator office for re
ward. Or, looser can have the
found shoe by proving property,
paying for this notice and making
a solemn promise that henceforth
only the home merchant will be
patronized. That's what you get
spending your money in St. Paul
anyway.
Error Corrected.
The taffy wagon prize at the Pal
ace Grocery remains yet uncalled
for. Thru some grevious error the
picture appearing in the Palace ad
in last Incubator was that of the
wrong clerk. Only the inherent
peaceful nature of the prune toss
er whose physiognomy did appear,
prevented a black eye for our car
toonist. We hasten to correct the
mistake and are now putting the
right fellow in the buggy.
A TAFFY CAKT,
BUT I NO
CANDY W
Remember No. 53, if a spinster,
gets the wagon and all—Barkis
willing.
Our Puzzle Department.
The first to give in the answer
to our Woodrow Wilson puzzle last
time was one of the estimable
young stenographers of our city
who thereby won a free tie-pass to
San Francisco. She has not start
ed on her trip yet.
This week's puzzle is a simple
problem in addition and subtrac
tion, the answer to which is the
name of a statesman you may have
heard of once or twice.
Prize, a bag of pop corn.
—A. C. Pederson returned Tuesday
afternoon from Twin Valley where he
attended the wedding of his brother,
A. C. Pederson and Miss Effie Meyer.
—Mrs. F. J. Berkhardt of Russell
visited here a couple of days last week.
SOME GAME.
The sporting editors of the local
papers have been handing out a
lot of base ball dope lately but
here is a write up on the biggest
game of the season which they
must have overlooked:
"The game opened with Molasses
at the stick and Smallpox catching.
Cigar was in the box with plenty
of smoke. Horn on first with Fid
dle on second, backed by Corn in
the field. And they made it hot for
Umpire Apple who was rotten. Ax
came to bat, but chopped Cigar
let Brick walk and Sawdust filled
the bases. Song made a hit and
Twenty made a score.
"Cigar went out and Baloon tried
to pitch but went straight up.
Then Cherry tried it but was wild..
Old Ice kept cool until he was
cracked by a pitched ball then you
should have heard Ice scream'.
"Cabbage had a good head and
kept quiet. Grass covered lots of
ground in the field, and the crowd
cheered when Spider caught the
fly. Bread loafed on third but Or
gan, who played fast put Light out
in the fifth inning. Wind began to
blow about what he could do, when
Hammer began to knock. Trees
began to leaj^e and the way they
roasted Peanuts was shameful.
Knife was put out cutting first
base. Lightning finished the game
in the box and struck out six men.
In the ninth Apple told Fiddle to
take his base. Oats was shocked
when Song made another hit.
Trombone made a slide. Meat
reached the plate, followed by Soap
who cleaned up. Score, 1 to 0,
and after the game was over Door
said if he had pitched he would
have shut them out."
AND THE CAT CAME BACK
Still Another Communication From
the Irrepressible Poet(?)
"Rex."
Will the kind, gentle, long suf
fering readers of the Incubator
please read again the following
from the last issue of the sheet:
"We were told the other day of
a certain father who took his little
son to the circus to see the ani
mals and if dad hadn't been bow
legged, the little chap would have
seen nothing."
Now, tell us if you can, just how
the boy could see the animals bet
ter because his father was bow-'
legged.
What effect does the bowlegs of
a father have on the eyes of his
son? There is a question that even
a teacher of eugenics couldn't an
swer.
We guess you don't believe in
evolution, but your head must have
taken a half revolution when you
observed that trait in heredity.
Like father, like son, has been
proved and disproved, but here is
a new theory, that sons of bow
legged fathers can see better than
sons of knock-kneed ones.
You were unkind enough to refer
to us as a long-haired poet. So
you consider us a poet after all.
Well we would rather be long
haired than long-eared, so there, if
you assault us again, we will do
like the Irishman, we'll put a head
between your ears.
Say Tom, who writes your po
etry for you anyway?
Here's one that is original.
"Come Ada put on your bonnet
and veil
And we'll go down town to the
mid-summer sale
—Miss Vigerta Rasmussen left
Tuesday afternoon for a visit with
friends at Morris.
—Elmer Larson left last Friday af
ternoon for Graceville to put in some
time harvesting and threshing.
MOTORCYCLE
Bargains in Used Machines
1914 Twin Excelsior in A-No. shape,
"bargain" $150.00
1913 Twin Yale, new tires, just over
hauled $95.00
1 1913 Harley Davidson, two speed good
as new $150.00
1 1910 Single Indian, in good running
order $50.00
1 Torpedo Special $35.00
1 Dunham Side Car, run 50 miles $35.00
If interested in Motorcycles come and see us
for used machines.
PERSON CYCLE SHOP
We'll take the first car that comes
down the street,
We will put on our booties to pro
tect our feet.
Draw on your gloves to keep off
the tan,
Don't let me forget my butterfly
fan.
We'll rub on thjs lotion to exclude
the dust,
We'll make folks think we are
pumpkins or bust.
Our hair must be tied in a cute
little knot,
And we'll alight from the car with
a cute little trot.
At the department stores we'll
spend half a day,
Viewing the goods that are there
on display
We'll buy these pretty dishes and
have them sent up,
I'll buy the saucer if you buy the
cup.
We will ride back home in another
new car,
Walking looks cheap tho it isn't
very far."
Now what do you think they made
all this fuss,
For a ten cent ride in a jitney bus.
The above couldn't happen in Will
mar at a
Why? Cause we have no jitney
busses to call.
"Rex."
In every issue this self-appoint
ed literary critic has got to take
out his measly little key-wind pop
gun and shoot beans at the Incu
bator.
But of all bi-peds of the human
specie he really has got the least
imagination of any we ever met.
Do we actually have to explain
this bow-legged father story! Now
there is no need of going off on a
dissertation about heredity. Look
here!
Besides we were not the author
of the story. Didn't we say "we
were told?" But we are not going
to say who told us the story in the
first place either. His dignity is
secure as far as we are concerned.
In referring to "Rex" as'long
haired we didn't say he wasn't ne
cessarily long-eared as well. Now
take for instance a donkey. He
can be both. Likewise a poet
might be. But "Rex's" alleged
poetry is getting worse every week
and if it does not improve we will
have to refuse to publish his verse
in the Incubator. This week's ef
fusion spoiled the ink rollers on
our press.
He says the "poem" is original.
Nobody doubts that for one minute.
What did Germany with their
big military equipment need to take
the only war saw Russia had. The
above joke is published by permis
sion of Lewis Johnson, its inven
tor.
IN THE CHURCHES.
NORW. LUTH. SYNOD.
Next Sunday services in English at
10:30 a. m.
The Vinje Ladies' Society meets
with Mrs. G. I. Nelson next Wednes
day afternoon.
The Vikor Young People's Society
meets at John Syvertson's place next
Sunday afternoon at 3 o'clock.
The confirmation class meets on
Saturday at 10 a. m.
SWEDISH MISSION.
Next Friday evening, the Sunday
School Sewing Circle will give a sale
of fancy goods, beginning at 8 p. m.
Refreshments served.
Services on Sunday at usual hours.
Special singing for the evening at 8
p. m.
FIRST PRESBYTERIAN.
Rev. W. Bryn Jones, Pastor.
Sunday, August 15th.
10:30 a. m., morning worship.
12 m., Sunday school.
8 p. m., evening song service. There
will be special music at the evening
services.
Wednesday, August 18th.
7:45 p. m., midweek prayer service.
Strangers and visitors in the city
are cordially invited to attend these
services.
8unday 8chool Auction.
The Sunday school of the Swed
ish Mission church will hold an auc
tion at the church on Friday evening
of this week. The proceeds will go
for the benefit of the China mission
field, to help educate a child, at' the1,
school there. Refreshments will be'
served. Everyone is cordially invited
to attend and.make this a success.
'WwPWWiNi
.j*t-\asr EDITORIAL NOTE8.
The editor and wife accompanied
the editorial excursion of which a re
port appears in this paper. We ap
preciated very much the hospitality
and generous spirit of the citizens of
Duluth, Virginia and Hibbing through
whose kindness we were able to see
so much in a short time and were able
to form a more correct idea of the
development going on in Northeastern
Minnesota.
We went to Duluth by way of Sand
stone. It was fifteen years since we
travelled over that line and* we were
curious to see the development made
by this country where so many former
citizens of this, county are located.
Northeast of St. Cloud, large areas
of pine stump lands have given way
to farms with fields of corn and small
grain.' After Milaca was passed, it ap
pears that there are still large areas
to be cleared. From Sandstone and on
little change is noticeable until the
train approaches Superior, where fine
dairy farms are in evidence. A thick
growth of popple covers the burned
over stump lands and if protected
from killing fires will yield millions
of tons of wood pulp in a few years.
The villages along the line are
growing and improving as the farm
ing develops, but still retain some un
mistakable features of the frontier
period. At Foreston we saw our old
friend1 and neighbor, Peter Larson,
standing outside of a large one-story
store-building as the train passed. At
Sandstone, where we put up for the
night, H. C. Hansen, late of Willmar,
looked us up at the hotel and took
us around the town. Sandstone has
famous quarries of building stone on
the banks of the Kettle river. A
large school building erected from this
stone is the pride of Sandstone. Mr.
Hansen has a fine location near the
depot and is doing well in the lumber
business. He owns an interest in four
other yards. Messrs. Erickson and
Lundquist, merchants of Murdock
were on board the train and stepped
off at Herrick, near which station they
have some land interests.
At Duluth we have many friends
whom we would have desired to call
on, but the entertainment program
was planned so that there was no
time for such visits and we had to
forego the pleasure.
The immense development of Du
luth during the past few years is ap
parent to all. The busy harbor pres
ents a fine view with large steamers
coming and going all the time. We
learned that Minnesota Point has
been acquired by interests that will
erect docks along its full length. Da
luth's lumber interests are immense.
Its big mills claim to have timber in
Minnesota in sight to keep them busy
for twenty years to come and the im
portation of logs' from Canada has be
gun. Mountains of coal on seemingly
endless coal docks supply the fuel for
the Northwest. Great elevators1 store
the grain for shipment. The great
ore docks furnish a capacity that is
almost unbelievable. They are now
being built entirely of steel, and are
so long that five large freighters may
sides of each of them The opening
of the new steel plant which is expec
ted to occur in October is looked for
ward to as the real beginning of Du
luth's great industrial development.
What will not the rising generation
of Minnesotans witness? There can
be no doubt that its advantageous lo
cation and the enterprise of its citi
zens will ultimately make Duluth the
first city of the Northwest.
be loaded at the same time on both ways visits his old home at Redwood
BETHEL LUTHERAN CHURCH
REV. W. E. PEARSON, A. M., Pastor
ALL ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ATTEND OUR 8ERVICE8
At Duluth we had the pleasure of
meeting Mr. A. C. Weiss, publisher of
the Duluth Herald, the greatest news
paper of^Minnesota. He has enjoyed
good health since the operation he un
derwent at Rochester. Mr. Weiss re
members Willmar from the time, when
is a boy he came to Willmar with
wheat from Redwood Falls. He at
SERVICES NEXT SUNDAY.
Every Lady In Willmar
Is Invited
To come, and bring with
her, one or more pieces of
tarnished silver, either
knives, spoons, forks or
hollow ware and we will
gladly clean and polish it
for you (while you wait)
with the newest, easiest
quickest and best method
known.
"Hogmessa" at 10:30 o'clock Sun-
day morning.
FREE DEMONSTRATION
English services Sunday evening at
8:00 o'clock.
9 to 11A.M. 3 to5 P.M.
Tell your neighbors to come
W. M. CHASE & CO.
Falls on Decoration Day, and promised
next year to stop over at Willmar and
Green Lake enroute. Mr. Weiss and*
1
Mr. Victor F. Lawson of Chicago are hydrants. The city has 22 miles of
the only directors of the Associated
Press accorded to the Northwest, and
Mr. Weiss makes several trips each
year to New York in this capacity.
President Wilson offered him the posi
tion as minister to Sweden, the posi
tion formerly held by Col. Graves of
Duluth, but Mr. Weiss declined the
honor.
At Virginia we were met by Editor
Thomas Moodie of the Daily Virgin
ian and had also the great pleasure of
meeting Mrs. Moodie. Mr. Moodie
was formerly doing newspaper work
boosting qualities fits him for the job
of running a paper in a live town like
Virginia. While being the center cf
a large mining district Virginia also
has other industries. It boasts, of the
largest saw mill in the world. The
EST the appearance of this pno
tograph might lead to drcula
tion of a story that Winfleld
Scott Hammond, Minnesota's
bachelor governor, has become a
"Squaw Man," some explanation la
doe in justice to the Gopher State ex
ecutive. The Indian maiden is merely
pinning a boutonniere of Glacier Na
tional Park wild flowers in* the lapel
of the governor's coat as a mark of
lumber piles cover great areas, and
have a great system of fire protection
with long lines of water mains and
paved streets, a bank building six
stories in heigth, a park with a fine
zoological garden, etc. Our thanks
are due to Mr. Williams, the real
estate man, for taking us, with George
Authier and wife, on the 16-mile trip
around Iron Mountain township and
from and to the depot. As the proces
sion moved down Chestnut street
some-one called to us from the crowd,
ana looking about we saw A. F. Hans
corn waving his greetings.
At Hibbing we found a village, the
natural wealth of which is so great
at Willmar, and his enterprise and th$f 4he amount, if approximately, fig
ured out, exceeds the comprehension
of the finite mind. It is a city of ab
normal conditions, and its affairs can
not be fairly judged in comparison
with ordinary towns. We heard both
sides of the controversy over the tax
Minnesota Day at the Panama Exposition
1^-Dawn Mist's bouquet for Governor Hammond. 2*—Governor Hammond speaking. Si Governor
3 a* tree. 4v—*Mmnoe©U Day" crowd.
~w^,
the esteem* of the Blacxfoot tribe into
which tine governor was recently adopt
ed while visiting Glacier National
Park enroute to the Panama Exposi
tion. The photograph was taken on
ttie steps of the Great Northern Rail
way's Exhibit Building at the Frisco
Exposition just before the governor
stepped upon the rostrum to deliver the
"Minnesota Day" oration. The gover
nor was verv nlaaaantly surprised to
levy .trouble which is just now attract
ing the attention of the whole state,
and most of the members of the party
came away viewing the trouble in a
different light from that in which they
saw the matter before they visited
the town.
We will write something about Hib
bing for our next issue. Mr. Kirby,
cashier of the First National Bank,
earned our gratitude for the pleasant
auto trips about this wonderful town.
—George Johnson of Colfax is a
guest of his daughter and son-in-law,
Mrs. and Mr. Elmer KuUander.
Yet—Many People
told lbs same stary-distnai
after ittint, gases, IIWIIII A
before and after each a wHk lantft
you. Sold only by us—25c_'
Cartoon Bros.
find members of "his own tfba"
ing the Exposition at the
he was there. The Indian girl
in the picture is Dawn Mist,
ed Indian beauty of the Blackfoot ftfbsv
The Great Northern Railway $jtm2
Daily's Exhibit Building was tho
quartersJoir Minnesotans on
ta Day ~Tt being the only tMOdlas
the Exposition ground* that cOftfa)sjstv
a atiiuiesota exhibit. W
.*-