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Knew His Business. "Now.” said the beautiful girl, "•hen you go iu to ask papa’s consent far-c him like a man.” ‘Sure I will." rejoined the wise youth. "He’ll not get a chance to ap ply shoe leather to my person, I tell you those.” The Amateur Hunter’s Success. ‘‘He went out for a day’s sport.” ‘ And was he successful?" "Well, rather. He crippled two guides and shot a cow." Mrs. Short—Our new neighbors are very shiftless. Mr. Short—How do you know? Mrs. Short —Whenever I want to borrow anything they never have It. He Wanted to Know. Alexander Stephens was so thin thnt It was said once that an empty carnage drove up to the capltol and Alexander Stephens got out. Repre sentative Landis of Indiana Is also thin. He was sitting in a street car when a fat man came in and sat down In his lap. “I Leg your pardon,” said the fat man. "It’s all right.” Landis replied; "but tell me. did you think I was painted on the bench?” Berioua Charge. The Judge—You say that he threat ened you, my boy? Young Noah Lot (of Boston) —Yes, your honor. He declared he would' i>roject me into the central portion .of the forthcoming hebdomad In the sec ond circumference. Tuffkid (of Chicago)—Aw. Jedge, I. 'ain’t as bad as daj. I say I’d knock' him Into de middle o’ next week. Dat’s all. Jedge.—B. ft K. Magazine. Great Success. Mr. Gotrox —If you insist' upon marrying this young fellow, t suppose I’ll have to help him. Favorite Daughter—Oh, yes. Give him Smlther’s place In your office. Mr. Gotrox—Nonsense! He’d,be a failure as a manager. Favorite •-Daughter—c/h, 1 don't know. See how well, he managed his love affair with me., Inexpensive. She—Poor Jack says he cannot Jive without Miss Hiche. He's worried himself into dyspepsia, and can't eat anything put bread and milk. He —Well, if that's all he eats, he ought to be able to live without Miss Riche. Dissimilar Views. “I certainly admire Miss Budding ton’s modest beauty,” said the society youth. “Modest' beauty!” echoed the belle of a former season. "Why. she has <>n the most low-cut gown fh' ; the ball room.” Not Guilty. She —“Why do you accuse Miss Gld dings of being mannish?” He—"l saw her Smoking a cigar ette.” She—" Well, I fail to see anything mannish about that.”—Chicago News. Precedence. Tess—l hear she Ms to marry an old fellow with a million dollars thrown in. » Jess—That Isn’t her idea. She told me she was &olng to marry a million 'dollars with an old fellow thrown in. Genuine Article. Simkins—And you really consider her a great vocalist, do you? Timklns—Sure thing. Why, she can actually sing "Home, Sweet Home" so that nobody can tell what it Is without looking at the program. There Are Others. Biggs—"What is your nrivate opin ion of Slykerr?” Diggs—"uh, he’s one of those chape who never think of shaking your nand unless they want to puli your leg.” A New Definition. “After all,' what Is happiness?** “Oh. that's easy." "Well, what is It?" "Happiness Is a condition that you don’t really appreciate until you reach a point where you have to look back to it.” Ever the Way. "But,” they expostulated, "this Is really none of your* business.” "That'B why it's so Interesting.” she replied. BHK KNEW. Pride. “You are a professional assassin,” said the prisoner defiantly. “Ha!” exclaimed the Turkish cap tor; "your diplomacy has saved you for the present. If you had called me an amateur your end would have been speedy.” Hia Preference. “Don’t you kndw that yon could buy a fine house with what you spend in luxuries?” . • •'»’ r- "Yes,” answered the easy-going mani, “but mjT tastes aren’t so luxu rious as -to make me want a fine tfouse." Hie Principle. "This is my birthday,” she- said; “guess how old I am.” “Excuse me,” he replied, “I never depbefttely make’ an enemy.” *' •; >;•» • - Penalty Enough; “In your Bachelors’ club what Is the penalty for marrying?” “Marriage.”—Town Topics. Miss Millions—Lord Hlghtone throws all the others In the shade. Mr. Kidder —I guess that’s due to his extensive family tree. An Exception. “But.” persisted ihe youth, "it’s Im possible for a part to be greater than the whole.” “Not necessarily,” replied the sage from Sagevllle. “What’s the matter with the star’s part In a drama?” A Difficult Mix. “Horace says, ’Mingle a little folly with your wisdom.’ ” "Yes; that’s easy enough. But It’s another matter when it comes to ming ling a little wisdom with your folly.” Why Terence Grieved. The miser was dying. Through a long life he had. lived lor one purpose only—to amass wealth—and now he lay dying, attended only by his lifelong retainer, Terence. “My one regret is that 1 cannot take my fortuue with me Into the next world," he sighed. "Sure, it’s too bad. son." acquiesced Terence, “for we do have money to burn." Helpful Woman. "I really don’t see how the bachelors get along without a loving helpmate," began Mrs. Benedick. "Yes, a woman can help a man In so many ways," replied her friend. "Exactly. Now there’s my Henry: whenever he sits down to mend a tear in his coat or sew a button he always has to get mo to thread uis needle for him.” Positively Brutal. “Oh. dear!” exclaimed the young mot!.or in a tone’ that savored of de spair. "I do wish 1 knew what to give the baby to keep him quiet." "Why don’t you try arsenic?" growled her bachelor brother, who was trying to read his favorite paper. Prejudiced. Canvasser —What, won’t you give anything to the poor people. Mr. Bill yuns? Mr. Bi’lyuns— Not a cent! They are the unfeeling wretches who always make trouble for me when my auto happens to run into them. An Unusual Individual. “He is posittoely uncanny; he Is so unlike the average man.” "Why, what’s the matter with him?” "I don't know. I told him to-day that I was suffering from a bad cold and'he didn't suggest a single remedy for It.” Not a Bit Accommodating. "Meanest folks I ever saw In the city, growled the man from the way back district. “Why. when you find a feller goln' right your way with one o’ them big cars he won’t give you a lift without chargin' you a nickel for it.” Where He Was. "Is the proprietor in?” asked a stranger as he stepped Inside the ton sorlal parlor. ‘•No; air,” replied one of the barbers. “He Just went around the corner to get shaved.” Natural Deduction. Miles—What reason have you for thinking Adam never attempted ’to write poetry? Olios—The best reason in the Srorldt .Poets, you know, are born, not made. No Other Course. Tess —I don’t see why she should go and marry thpt old man for his money. Jess —Why, how else could she get it? HE KNEW. Had Experienced It. "Will you wait on me, young man?" asked the old lady In the shoe store. "Yes’ni.” replied the young clerk. ’Have you felt slippers?" Sure, I ve been spanked many a time when I was a kid.” — I At Office and Home. Rev. Mr. Goodman—No man, you know, can serve two master*. Henpeck—Oh, sometimes a *uan has to. When he is employed by another man, for instance, and is married. AGRICULTURE Height of Wheel and Draft of Wagon. This is a subject regarding which (here is considerable difference of opinion, says a bulletin of the tJ. 8. Department of Agriculture. The Mis souri Station has put the matter to practical test in a series of trials made on macadam, gravel, and dirt roads In all conditions, and on mead ows, pastures, cultivated fields, stub ble land, etc. With a net load of 2,000 Itounds in all cases, three sets of wheels were tested, as follows; ‘‘Standard—front wheels, 44 inches; rear wheels, G 5 inches. Medium—front wheels, 36 inches; rear wheels, 40 inches. Low —front wheels, 24 Inches; rear wheels, 28 inches.” The results obtained and conclusions reached were, in brief, as follows: For the same load, wagons with wheels of standard height drew light er man those with lower wheels. The difference In favor of the standard wheelß was greater on road surfaces in bad condition than on good road surfaces. Low wheels cut deeper ruta than those of standard height. The vibration of the tongue is greater in wagons with low wheels. For most purposes Wagons with low wheels are more convenient than those of stand ard height. Wagons with broad tires and wheels of standard height are cumbersome and require much room In turning. Diminishing the height of wheel to from 30 to 36 inches in front and 40 to 44 inches in the rear did not Increase the draft in as great pro portion as it increased the conven ience of loading and unloading the or dinary farm freight. Diminishing the height of wheels below 30 Inches front and 40 inches rear Increased the draft in greater proportion than it gained in convenience. On good roads, increas ing the length of rear axle, so,that the front and rear wheels will run in different tracks to avoid cutting ruts, did not increase (he draft. On sod, cultivated ground,, and bad roads wagons with the rear axle longer than the front one drew heavier than one having both axles of the same length. Wagons with the rear Axle longer than the front one require wider gateways and more careful drivers, and are; on the whole, very inconvenient and not to be recommended for farm use. The best form of farm wagon is one with axles of equal length, broad tires, and, wheels 3Q to 36 inches- high in front and 40 to 44 inches behind. Application of Fertilizers... The question as to how fertilizers should be applied is somewhat diffi cult to answer because it depends on a number of conditions, especially the kind of fertilizer and the amount to tie used. Phosphoric acid and potash, even in water soluble fdrms, do' not leach out of the soil to any apprecia ble extent. On the contrary, they do • not distribute themselves well enough, I and therefore should be applied to some depth. Nitrogen, on the other hand, finally leaches outof the soil un less taken up by the roots of plants. In. some materials, however,**', it is much less readily soluble ttyan in others. Tankage, for example, should be applied deep, and it la well to 1 mi* cotton-seed meal and blood with the soil r but nitrate of soda and ammo nium sulphate should nearly always te applied as surface dressings. Only one application is advised tor ammo nium sulphate, but when large quan tities, over 200 pounds to the acre, of nitrate are to be used, two applica tions of 100 pounds each are'often made to advantage, one when the plants are first coming up and the other two or three weeks later. Pot ash salts when used In quantity, 100 pounds or more to the acre, are well applied in tfie fall, bo that the winter. | rains may take out the chlorine,- which i when . combined with either dime or | magnesia acts in a detrimental. man ner to plant growth- Lime is also wejl. ' applied in the fall. Acid phosphate when used as a top dressing may be applied either in the fall or in the * early spring. When a small amount of 'fertilizer is to be used It is best ! applied as the seed is sown or as the : plants are set out, in the row or in the hill or, when practicable, drilled with [ crops which are drilled. As a general 1 ' rule only a heavy application of a com ' plete fertilizer, sa£ 1,000 pounds or more to the acre, is recommended to be applied broadcast and worked into the soil for crops which are planted In rows.—Bulletin of Tennessee Sta tion. Wisconsin Butter Makers. Th j Wisconsin Butter Makers con vention is to be held at Eau Claire lon February 2 to 4. Secretary F. B. Fulmer writes us that a great conven ' tion is expected, as the people seem generally interested and enthusiastic. The city in which the convention Is to be held is located on three lines of railway, which means that it is read ily accessible. The citizens have al ready raised a purse of |3OO, which will be used in swelling the prizes to be awarded for good butter. The ses sions are to be held In the Knights of Pythias Hall, newly erected, and which has a seating capacity of 600. l a good exhibit of butter-making mai chlnery ia also being arranged for. A woman feels the distinction of ranks and station mnch more in rela tion to her own sex than aha does in relation to men. DAIRY What the Test Showed. Prof. E. H. Farmington, in an ad dress at a farmers’ institute in Mani toba, said: It was with the hope of helping farnders and of illustrating the con dition of some dairy herds that we undertook, some four years ago, to begin testing the cows of the patrons supplying milk to the Wisconsin Dairy School. These patrons keep cows and deliver milk to the factory in the same way as is customary at the creameries and cheese factories throughout the state. They do not have large herds and it was observed during the past year that the cows owned by one hun dred of them were probably similar to the one million in the state. Only eight out of the one hundred patrons kept more than twenty cows and thir ty-five owned from two to five cows only. This shows that the majority of our patrons do not pretend to be dairymen in the sense of making the production of milk a serious business and I • fear that there are many far mers in . so-called dairy who do not allow the cows to make much of an Impression on their minds; oth er lines of farming crowd the cows ont so that they receive only a little at tention at milking time. The cows on one farm were tested for three years. -The average receipts per cow in 1898, from the creamery, were 936.30; in 1900, 939.20, and in 1901, 938.92. The figures do not show mnch indication that the owner has profited by the tests. Two cows that did not produce milk enough to pay a profit on their 1 feed were kept in the herd for three years, and five other cows produced less than 930 worth of butter in a year. The annual .pro duction of the mature cows during the' three years shows that the boor cows did not improve from year to year, but continued to give less milk than re quired to pay for the feed consumed. The one good cow was equally per sistent in doing well. The creamery value of her milk for three years, was 9200. This Is 9110 more than the cost of her feed when we take 930 per year as the value of a cow’s feed. The but ter 'produced by the other five cows tested for three years amounted to only 9114 more than the cost of their feed during the same time. The milk of one oow, therefore, paid the owner within four dollars as much profit in three years as thw milk of five cows In the same herd for the same length of time. In another herd the excess of butter over cost of feed of, two cows was worth 960. while that of five other cows was worth only 968. Thus the owner received at the.cream ery 92 leu for the milk of five-cows than he did for that of two in the same herd. The entire herd of twelve •cows owned by one farmer only paid a profit of 875 in a year and three of the twelve cows paid 950 of this amount, leaving 825 as the- combined profit qf the other nine cows in the herd. Another herd of .twelve cows paid a profit of 9228 in*a year, hot in 'this herd there was one cow that earned only 92 profit and another that earned 931 profit, a difference of about 400 per cent in the annual butter valufe of these two cows to their .owner. Care in Feeding Skimmilk. * Whole milk Is the best of nature's foods, but whole milk Is seldom''fed. Id the operation of sklmmjng the fat is removed, Which changes the char acter of the food very materially. Skimmilk is rich in bone and forming material, but owing to the fat being removed, it 1m a very one-sided ration, having what- is known as a narrow nutritive ratio; - It has a great tendency to be constipating when fed -alone to young pigs. . Many -farmers have suffered much loss by feeding too. much skimmed milk to young pigs when qhut up in pens- where they, not get to the ground or succu lent food, such as grass and roots. The pigs usually look fat and well qntil. some morning, when being fed, some of-'them will take what Is commonly known as a fit and-m'ay die inside of an boar. If they do recover, and the food is not changed, they and their companions will show a dirty, scurvy appearance on the skin- about .the eyes, back of the ear and back of the shouldqrs, and the hair becomes, curly, and the pig will have a tendency to go around with his bAett humped up. This is owtiig to’a-deranged condition of the digestive organs, which should be remedied by giving the pigs a dose of raw linseed oil, and then follow by giving plenty of succulent food, such as roots or grass, and plenty of exer cise. Ido not wish to be understood to condeipn skimmed milk' for food. It is one of the best of feeds, but It should not be fed in great quantities to young pigs. A little ground flaxseed is an excellent thing to add. to it.— Henry Glendenning. Dairying is profitable because It brings the farmer the largest return for his labor and products of his farm. It enables him to get a larger gross and net income from hia farm than hp can obtain without It The feed that will make two pqnnds of beef will make a pound of butter, and the value of a pound of butter ia always more than the value of two pounds of beef, even during the last few years of rela tively high prices'* of beef and low prices of butter. It’s the toughest kind of tough luck to have your watch stolen when you are on your way to pawn It.—Chicago News. FARM SCELLANY Cheese at Home and Abroad. Cheese making is a branch of dairy ing in which it. Is impossible to draw any close comparisons between the methods and results in this country and those abroad, says Henry E. Al* vord of the Department of Agricul ture. For the production of large quantities of cheese of uniform excel lence it 1b believed the American fac tory system, common to the United Btates and Canada, is superior to any thing elsewhere, and more systemati cally and economically conducted. The average Cheddar cheese of the Ched dar Valley Itself of Somersetshire in general, and of the best producing dis tricts ef England and Scotland, are no better than those of New York and Wisconsin and the best of Canada. In variety and fancy cheese this conti nent cannot yet attempt to compete with the Old World. If one would learn the bottom facts about making any. of the famous specialties in cheese he must go to the locality where they originated, and where alone, often within very narrow limits, they are still made in perfection. This applies to the English Stilton, the French Roquefort and Its close kinsman, the Italian Gorgonzola, the Edam and Gouda of Holland, the Gruyere and’ Emmenthal of France and Switzer land, the Parmesan of Italy, and the Cnmembert, Brie. Neufchatel, and hun dred and one other small and soft and high-flavored varieties of France and other parts of Europe, including, of course, the never-to-be-forgotten Li m burger. Why Gsese Need Ponds. From Farmers’ Review: It Is fa.* easier for me to raise geese than to write about them. My experience with them Is that they will, do better with ponds. My reasons for this statement is that if you notice a goose on a day It is thawing you will notice she will go anywhere that a little water la on the ground and act as If she was go ing crazy to get into a pond to swim. Then, again, take geese that are shut in iyards and only get water to drink, will they not stand about the water dish trying to wash until the water is all gone? I once saw a. goose that was penned and could not have any more than enough water to drink, have what I call a fit. She would go through the motions she would if she was in s pond of water, and was tin-' able to stop. After this the goose was allowed to go to the pond and was a|l right, but as soon as she was “kept from it any length of tlqie she would .be as bad as ever. Then again these geese that have no ponds do not lay as fertile eggs as the geese that' do have ponds. If I wished to , keep geose and had no ponds for them I should take large tanks and sink them In the ground where the geese could get to them and keep the tanks full of water at all times. Last winter when the ponds were frozen I would once a weqk put a tub of water where they could get at it and I think I enjoyed seeing them waßh as much as they enjoyed it—Mrs. L. D. Cary, Lake County, Illinois. .Dairy Success in Kansas: • Twenty years ago Kansas had but 471,648 milch cows, and scarcely a creamery worthy, the name, and their product was unsought, says F. D. Co burn. Tan years ago Kansas had 667,- 358 milch cows; creamtorles of a bet ter class were being slowly establish ed, but their output begged a market. To-day Kansas has 802,788 milch cows, or more than at any previous time,-and many high-grade . creameries and cheese factories, including the largest creamery In the world, hundreds Of contributory receiving and skim sta tions. and their product is not only favorably known in the principal mar kets, but sought beyond the supply. Thus is marked the progress of this ? industry in Kansas—ln a decade be come one of the most prominent of aucoestful dairy states. While this is true, and within that time the aggre gate annual value of our dairy prod ucts has nearly doubled, and .while our foremost dairymen, by constantly striving to raise the standard of pro duction, now have excellent high-yield ing herds, it is unquestionably a fact that large numbehs of our cow popu lation are not paying for their keep. The cause for this is to be found eith er in the man or the cow, or both. Brains in the man and blood and feed in the cow are essential to succesa in 'Kansas, as elsewhere. 'A Case of Abduction. ; William Louth of Areola, Illinois, | i nfeuted to own an old Plymouth RoA ‘ hen that haa many mbtherly train ' and Is an affectionate sort of creature. Recently after being bereft of a brood of chickens she formally adopted a couple of kittens, and baa since been keeping them wnder the protecting care 6f her wing. The kittens were already blessed with a maternal an cestor that provided for them and be stowed upon -them the most indulgent attention, but this fact made no dlffer ' ence to the hen, so she walloped the cat until she waa glad to get sway, and then, clucking to the kittens, she cozened them under her wings. Strange to say the kittens took kindly to her and will now follow her about any place, paying comparatively little attention to their own mother. Potash is the dominant ingredient th peas, beans, clover, alfalfa and potatoes.