Newspaper Page Text
A Duel Which
Became a Farce By M. QUAD CopyrtelU. tho McClure NvwspMpcM Syndicate. have told you. sub.” said ColoueJ Hunker. "thill ji solemn thing ••oulil easily l»e turned Into a farce. A duel I* m very soleuiu thing very »«.leuiu And y«t I Ihive seen one or two of them turned Into a far e by a slight Incident. I will Illustrate. null. “At the battle of Chantilly I receiv ed a pistol bullet In the shoulder. It Ilea there atuoug the muscles. and the purgeou advised me to let It remain for awhile. It did not bother me long, aud 1 was back with my command. In fact. sub. that bullet did not give me much Inconvenience until ufler the wab. Then I felt that the surgeons must dig It out. I went to one In our owu town. His name was Itlcbards. and be was not only a good aurgeou. but a thorough gentleman. He found the bullet aud extracted It without any difficulty. ** *1 have been told.’ said the sur geon. that you killed seventeen of the enemy with your owu hands at that battle. I don't blame you for feeling rather proud of that record/ •••But it was only eleven, sub. aud not seventeen.' •• *1 have It on good authority, colo nel. that the number was seventeen/ “This led to high words, aud I de manded satisfaction, to which the sur geon replied: •• ‘Willingly, colonel, willingly.l shall esteem It a blgb honor to cross blsdes with you/ “Well, be was a cool hand, suah enough. It looked as If he had Intend ed to pick a quarrel with me. I sent a friend to him. and a duel was quick ly arranged. He had the choice of the weapons, and he chose rapiers. That suited me all right. The bullet bad been taken from my left aboulder. and nothing ailed my right. “We had to go about two miles to flud a spot where the affair could be brought off. It was within 300 feet of a farmhouse, and the grove hid us from the highway was an oj>en tine. The farmer was In a distant field at work, and his wife seemed to have gone away for the day. In the gardeua surrounding the bouse were half a dozen hives of bees, and Just over the fence from them was a pas ture in which five or six mules were grazing. As we were on the other side of the garden uo oue knew what took place until after things had happened- The farce, therefore, took ua by sur prise. “Now. sub. here to wbat happened on the other side of the bouse as a negro afterward described It to ua: One of the mules leaued against the fence to rub his itching hide. The fence was old and weak, and a section of It was pushed down. The mule that did It led the way into the gar deu. and the others followed him They did not find much to eat there, and they began Inspecting the bee hives. One of them got a sting on the nose, and he wheeled and kicked the hire over. Of co’se there waa a row on at once. A thousand bees, mo’ or less, came flying out. aud they made It very uuhappy for the mules. “There was no fence on our side of the house, and the mules came gallop ing in our direction. There were bees ahead of them, bees clinging to them and more bees In chase. Befo' we could understand what had happened the mules and bees were among ua. Principals and seconds were treated alike. Each had a score or more of the Insects In personal attention upon him. There was nothing to do but run befo' the storm. “To our left and forty roda away was a field of growing cotton. The stalks were high and offered oa a chance to brush the bisects away. The four of us and the surgeon In attend ance all started for this field. I think, suit, we destroyed about half an acre of cotton and the mules about twice as much I remember that It coat ns S2O to settle with the farmer and that he had no mo* use of any of the mules for a mouth to come. “When we finally climbed the fence and cot hack to the spot on which we had been standing when the riot com meiK-ed. my antagonist and myself were so blind that we could scarcely see to pick up our rapiers. Our sec onds were still worse off. I did not look for the duel to be resumed, but the doctor was hot for It. “ ’Colonel Bunker/ be said, ‘you Im pugned my honah. You denied, sub. In the fa<*e of my assertion that you killed seventeen men at the battle of Chantilly, and this affair must go on to Its legitimate end.* “ •But I only killed eleven, sub/ I re plied. *1 counted them ns they fell and put the number down In my notebook befo* I left the spot/ “ -Then, colonel, you have that note- book still?’ “*1 have, suh.' “ ‘And you can show It to me as proof that yon were right and 1 was wrong?’ “ ’Most certainly, doctor/ “ Then I withdraw what seemed to be an Imputation on your honah. and if you will stop at my office on the way home we will pick the atlngers out of each other as well as we can and shake hands and t>e good friends/ “And thus. sub. concluded our af fair. though we were both badly pun ished by the bees. A year later 1 was bis second In au affair of honah with another gentleman, nnd he run that gentleman through the body befo' the fight was a minute old. He handled bla rapier as I bad seldom seen It ban died. and. perhaps, the bees and the mules came just In time to aura my life/’ The Scrap Book Rather Fur Fstched. This aiory must have been studied over for a long time. As a matter of fact, we believe that Solomon Beach. Its sponsor, started on It early iu the summer of 1015 and has only now brought it to the pitch of perfection, where he can bear to part with it However. It may be spontaneous even true —and as such we print \t. Solomon's wife asked him for a set of hot weather furs, and Sol laughed her to acorn. He said that he'd fallen for a good many fool fads, but he'd fight against this one with hto dying breath. Summer furs, Indeed! Pooh! Now Solomon Beach has but one wtfe, and In other ways also he to un like hto putative godparent, the origi nal Solomon. In wisdom, for Instance. And this one wife attacked him thus, with a fine acorn: “What a paltry thing your love la!" This would have crushed any one but 8. B. But he came back with: “Paltry thing. Indeed! If I took your view of the matter I should call It a peltry thing!*’ But by the time she had consulted the dictionary the Jest had lost ita point.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Couldn’t Bo Dono7 Somebody said that It couldn't bo dono. But be, with a chuckle, replied That "maybe It couldn’t." but ho would be one Who wouldn’t say no till he tried. So ho buckled right In. with a trace of a grin Oa hia face. If he worried he hid It. He started to sing as he tackled the thing That couldn't be done—and he did It. There are thonaands to tell you It cannot be done: There are thousands to prophesy fail ure. There are thousands to point out to you. one by one. The dangers that wait to assail you. But Juat buckle In with a bit of a grin; Then take off your coat and go to It Juat start In to sing as you tackle tha thing That “conn it be done”—and you'll do It. —Edgar A. Quest. Scotch Accent Toi Much For Him. The only real blot on my visit to Glasgow, says a writer In the London Sketch, to my total Inability to speak with a Scottish accent. I rather pride myself, as moat people do, on my vocal Imitative faculties, but I confess to all the world here and now that I cannot Imitate the Scottish accent. My Irish to beautiful; it would make all Dublin weep. My American is quite good; I could nearly always get any thing that I wanted in the shops If I had the money. Anybody can talk Welsh who cares to substitute “p” for “b” and “f* for “va.** But the Scottish accent eludes me. Sometimes I speak a little Scottish ten tatively to the policeman or the tram conductors or the shopkeepers. The policemen draw their clubs, the tram conductors atop their trams, and the shopkeepers put up their shutters. I an. not quite sure, but I rather think that I shall abandon the unequal strug. gl«- A Generous Thought. A Scotch comedian whose frugality is as notorious as he himself is famous had an engagement in Glasgow some years ago, and while he had a friend who eould put him up for the week no hotel was going to get free advertising through hto residence within Its walls. Hto host had just become tbe proud possessor of a son and heir, bnt his pride in tbe kid did not prevent him from giving the star all the attention the most exacting guest could expect. The Saturday night brought a taxi to the door, and while tbe host was carry ing down the luggage the comedian after bidding hto hostesa good by pulled a handful of silver out of hto pocket and said. “Do ye ken. Mrs. Wbitewood. If I had a copper I wad leave It for the bairn!”—Saturday Evening Poet. Speaking of Meanness. There to a very old story extant about a woman who was noted for her meanness. She cheai*ened everything, and prices never could be put so low that she did not object to them. One day she went through the mar ket and. after chaffering for awhile, stopped in front of a market stall and priced some cornmeal. “A levy a bushel.” said the dealer. She sniffed and examined and ham med and hawed until finally the dealer said sarcastically: *T tell you wbat I'll do. Mrs. Jenkins. I’ll give you a bushel of that meal.” Mrs. Jenkins suiffed and examined again and then asked: “Is It sifted T This to paralleled by tbe account of a man who went into market to buy a small piece of liver. “How much?” he asked. “I will make you a present of that.” said the butcher pleasantly. The man put on hto most knowing look, stepped back, rubbed his hands together, looked the butcher square in the eye and said: “Ain’t that rather high?”—Washing ton Star. Dodging an Interview. A young reporter once called to inter view Senator Quay and found him reading. After formal greetings had 7>een exchanged tbe senator said: “Do you play poker? Of course you do Mice in awhile. Then yon will find this one of the t>est poker storifis you ever •aw," handing the newspaper man a book. The reporter out of politeness read a page. '“Ah.” said the senator. "I see you are Interested. Take the hook along and read It at your leisure. Qood evening." And the dazed young journalist was out on the sidewalk be fore he eould recover his breath. Choosing a Husband By ELINOR MARSH Miss Virginia Ashurst waa known to |m>mmcss a fortune produclug $20,000 a year. Naturally she bud uo end of sultora. aud she was quite sure that all of them wished to marry her money as wo!I aa herself and without her money would uot think of marrying herself. She resolved to submit a aeries of questions to each one of tbe half dozen men who bad proposed to her. These quest lona were to be propounded anon ymously. the men not knowing from whom they came. This was tbe form of her Interrogatories: "First.—State wbat you consider the claims of a wife on her husband. "Second.—Do you hold that the bus baud or the wife should be at the bead of the household? "Third.—What to ill object of your life? “Fourth.—Do you believe in the pres ent system of education used In schools and colleges? “Fifth.—Should tbe mother's or tbe father's views be paramount In tbe traiuing of children? “Sixth.—Should the wife be permitted to receive the attentlou of men other than her tiuslmud? “Seventh.—Should the husband be permitted to pay attention to other women than bis wife? “Eighth.—What are your views aa to the use by a busliand of money be longing to a wife?" Miss Ashurst hoped lu the replies to these questions, selected with some care, to fo*-m an opinion of the inner selves of those who replied to them. Had she asked them herself of her suitors she knew that she coold not de|>end on tbe sincerity of the an swers. She surely bad an advantage In not lietng known. She was somewhat disconcerted to find that all her suitors-were appll cants for the baud of this wealthy un known. The replies were all evidently well considered and satisfactory to her. some especially so in certain num liers. some In others, bnt altogether they made up a fair average. Yet there waa no one that showed In every nuralter Just what she wanted. Be sides. she was miffed that every one of the men who had tried to make her be lieve be loved her and would he mis erable without her waa ready to marry another girl with a fortune. Bbe re solved to send her list of questions to another half dozen of her men ac quaintances. She received replies In every case. Five of these replies were acceptable, some of them being carefully, worded and showing that tbe writer waa a thoughtful, well balanced person, while one treated her examination pa per with contempt This person was Boh Clendenin. a young fellow whom Virginia might have considered aa one she would like for a husband bad he not been a sort of free lance, apparent ly oblivious to the seriousness of life. His reply to the number aa to tbe claims of a wife on her husband was that the fejver claims she had the less likelv she would he disappointed. He averred decidedly that the husband shot!ld be head of the house. His ob ject In life waa to get through It with the least bother. He pronounced the present system of education “rotten to the core.” The father’s views as to tbe training of children should be par amount. but they never would be. No father could ever compete with the mother In winning tbe affection of the children. Consequently, they would always be Influenced by her instead of him As to a wife or bnsband being permitted to pay attention to other men or women, either might do so ad lib unless the other objected. When It came to the last question, concerning the use of a wife s money by a husband, the reply was that he was Incompetent to answer It because he. !>elng poor, would not on any ac count marry a rich wife, and be knew that such a condition would surely render the husband subservient to tbe wife, and he had no fancy for any such serfdom. • Miss Ashurst. who bad started out with one Idea, became captivated with another. She had Intended to be guid ed as to the suitor she should accept by the good, hard sense Indicated In the replies of tbe applicant. The man showing the most depth of thought and feeling In hto replies would be favored. But she was much staggered by Mr. Clendenin’s examination paper, especially by his reply to her last question. In which he declared that he would not be tied to any rich woman. What staggered her was a desire that sprang up in her breast to make him rat hto words. And so It was that this human at tribute which Is In both men and wom en came up to interfere with Miss Ashurst’s very sound and practical way of choosing a husband. She re solved to win—lf she could—tbe man who would likely give her tbe most trouble, for. with bis views concern ing a poor mnn married to a rich wife, constant friction waa to he ex pected. As to how Miss Ashurst won a hus band despite his objections to marry ing roonrß and how It all turned out after their marriage there Is no room here. Mr. Clendenin meant what he said In objecting to he tied to a wife’s fortune, and Miss Ashurst. after all. was obliged to call in the little god to get him. After getting him she found him an excellent manager for her es tate and paid no attention to It herself. TRICKY AND BLUFFER. The Spreading Adder Will Fool You W You Don’t Know Him. He's a sly creature, this snake When he's discovered and trapped he'll make such a hullabaloo about It. with his hlsslug and contortions, that If you're not wise to the fact that he's oulv bluffing you're sure to be fright ened. If you’re acquainted with him. however, and refuse to run. he'll give one final twist and roll over on hto back, just as though he had made up his mind to die and save you the trou ble of killing him. But don’t be fool ed. He's only playing possum. He’s the spreading adder. His tricks have resulted In all aorta of wild stories about him. Many peo ple believe he's poisonous, because he spreads his head out flat and hisses when he's disturbed. Aa a matter of fact, he couldn't hurt you if you pick ed him up by tbe head. He’s only bluffing when he hisses. Then there's another story about the spreading adder to tbe effect that he will bite blmself and fall over dead. This l>elief comes from hto habit of playing possum when he aeea he’s cor nered and can’t escape. The spreading adder is abont thirty Inches long, a reddish brown and blotched and spotted. He lives in dry woods and on sandy hlllaldea and eats toads and insects. He’s also called the blowing viper or the hognosed ad der.-Philadelphia North American. HAS TO SPLIT HIS TIPS. Net All tha Money the Walter Gets Goes Into Hia Pocket. Don't think the waiters are getting rich. They might if they could keep ill their tips, but— Comes a waiter of twenty years' service who says the roan *who does the serving la lucky if he gets 25 per cent of his tip money. “We wouldn't complain much if we were allowed to keep our tips," he said, “but the waiter is by necessity the best tipper in the world. He has to split hto tips at least five ways. The head waiter gets hto, the captain has hto hand out. and the ‘scrub’ waiter and cook are next lu line. "If the waiter keeps all the money the captain will soon get wise to him. and he will get no more ’live ones’ steered up to hto table. If the cook to neglected the waller might get bis or ders cold from the kitchen. If he doesn't cross tbe palm of the head waiter with silver once in awhile be will be looking for another Job. “Tbe popular Idea that all waiters are rich is ‘all wrong/ The average , waiter gets about sUof|Ba week, and some of them get less. The man that leaves a quarter in tbe tray to really giving the waiter about fl cents.**—Chi cago Tribune. Letters and Postage Stamps. “Strange Ideas some people have •bout postage.” said tbe clerk who opens tiie mall. “Yes. See this letter here with three one-cent stamps on It aud stamped 1 cent due? That’s a case In point. The writer of that letter thought that perhaps it weighed a lit tle over an ounce, a little more than would go for 2 cents, and so he put on a little more postage— 1 cent more— which he thought would cover it. when the fact to that it required an addi tional two cept stamp. Of course you know that letter postage to not frac tional. bnt that it goes in multiples of twa If a letter welgbs ever so little over an ounce It requires an additional two cent stamp. But not everybody seems to know this, and so we some times get letters like this one with a HttTe more postage for a little more weight”—New York Bun. Jenkins' Car. There was a war known as “the war of Jenkins* ear.” It came about in the following. way: In the year 1731 an English merchant vessel was boarded by a Spanish guardsbip. and the cap tain. one Robert Jenkins, was most cruelly used, one of bis ears being torn off in the scrimmage. Obtaining no re dress by appealing'to hto government he appeared before parliament in 1738, when the convention of the Pardo waa so excitedly discussed that war fol lowed. Jenkins' story was verified by the admiralty records so recently as 1810.—Exchange. Dtflnitfin of an Ohm. An obm. as defined by tbe Interna tional congress on electrical nnlts and standards. Is tbe resistance offered to tbe passage of an electric current by a column of mercury of uniform cross section having a mass of 223.0248 grains and a height of 41.8503 inches at the temperature of melting Ice. In the bureau of*standards at Wash ington are four standard ohms so per fectly made and kept that when tested recently their average deviation from their mean value was less than .00001 i ohm. Music and Dancing. It does not follow that In order to write successful dance music a person 1 mast be an expert dancer. U to said i that, though Johann Strauss and hto family wrote dance music for three ar four generations, not one of them rould dance a step. Musical. When a person learns to pronounce Wagner aa “Yogner” and Chopin aa “Sho-pang” and cello aa “cbello” he feels that be thoroughly understands the classics of music.—Macon News. Man and Trouble. Only two kinds of people In the «rorld. tbe man whose troubles are big ger than be and tbe man who to bigger than its troubles.—Milwaukee Journal. MANSFIELD AS AN ACTOR. His Genius Enabled Him «o Turn Bad Parts Into Good On os. We were to open a new theater iu Puuton street which was not yeady. ao we were transferred to the Royalty. Mans field was a young man then, about twenty-four. I should tay. He waa practically unknown. He soon began to shiue ut rehearsal. His part was that of au old behu. .!. G. Taylor waa to play u certain waiter. Tbe play was au adaptation from the Freuch. Furnie waa the adapter, with no pride of authorship, ao he allowed Mansfield a good deal of liberty In the way of in ter|iolation and business. Day by das* tbe part of tbe old beau was built up! especially In Taylor's stench, until Mansfield's part assumed the pro|*or tlons of a leading character and Tay lor’s part, which was the principal comedy part of the piny, faded away Into the backgroun-l. We all began to take uotlce of Mansfield and to per ccive that hto character was goiug to be tbe part of the play. One day Taylor rebelled. He told Farnle aud Alexander Henderson, the manager of the theater, that he waa the leading comedian of tbe company and that Mansfield's character had now become the moat Important per sonage In the combdy. He protested violently. Farule waa In a dilemma. Mansfield's business and additions were so clever and so valuable that lie deserved the prominence accorded to him Taylor was an Important actor and could not be dispensed with. Mansfield came forward. "Would Mr. Taylor like my part?" be said. Taylor felt that aa the principal comedian, the best part belonged, prop erly to him. He ought to have Mans field's part. Mansfield handed it to him. “By all means.” said be. "Here It Is.” and be handed over the mauuscript covered with Interpolations, corrections and business. We resumed our rehearsals. “You will allow me.” said Mansfield to Farnle—“you will allow me the same privilege with this new part you were ao generous as to accord me with the other? Mr. Taylor baa tbe advan tage of my suggestions on the other character: you will permit me to do my best with this?" "By all means." said Farnle. and to work we weut again. Mansfield built up again. Day by day. little by little, bla new part ab sorbed scene after scene. —E. H. Soth ern in Scribner's. Made a Costly Mistake. A big commercial house in tbe mid dle west raised tbe salary of one of Its officers to $40,000 a year. The officer waa greatly pleased. “Now my ambition to satisfied.” he said. Within two years the concern had found a way to dispense with this of ficer's services. It was done cleverly aud smoothly. The man never suspect ed the real reasou why he waa released. The head of the concern bad over heard hto remark. "We want uo men in this business whose ambition to sat isfied.” be said. “When a man to satis fied. wbeu he ceases to plan and fight for the future, we begin to lose money on him.”—Woman’s Home Companion. Why She Mad# No Outery. “You say." said the lawyer, “you heard this man break Into your bouse In tbe dead of night, and yet you made uo effort to call for help.” "That is so.” • "Were you too frightened to call out?” "No. I was uot disturbed a particle. He bumped into tbe rocker of a chair and swore, so I thought It was my hus band."— Detroit Free Press. Tha Cheerful Face. Do not be grumpy Id your own home. Some folks save all their smllee for company or special occasions. It to far more necessary to happiness to be cheerful in your own home and with your own family. If the home to hap py one can bear rudeness met else where. If the home is happy tbe hap piness will radiate among neighbors aud friends.—Milwaukee Journal. Electricity’s Friends and Foes. Ex|>eriments have shown that tbe beat conductors or lightning, placed lu tbe order of conductivity, are metals, gas coke, graphite, solutions of salts, acids and water. The best nonconductors, ending with tbe moat |»erfect Insulation, are India rubber, gutta pereba. dry air and gases, wool, ebonite, silk, glass, wax. sul phur. resins and paraffin. Renewing Rubber. Rubber that bas lost its elasticity may be rejuvenated, according to the Journal de riiannacle et de Chimle. by Immersing it for five minutes iu a bath of glycerin mixed with twenty five times its volume of distilled water and heated to 70 degrees C. and then drying It with filter pa.ier. Toe Polite. Little Boy—That lady that talked to me In tbe park gave me some candy. Mother—l hope you were polite. Little Boy—Yes. ma. I was. Mother—Wbat did you say? Little Boy—l said I wished pa bad met her before be got acquainted with you.—Chicago Herald. Net Facially. “How do you preserve the paint so wonderfully T’ “I put many coats of varnish over It.” explained tbe artist- “But." be added hastily. ”1 hardly tLiuk that would work In your case, dear lady/*— Ixmtovllle Courier Journal. Time works wonders-and so would most people if they were as tireless as time. MEXICAN REPUBLIC It Owes Its Very Existence to the Urited States. A MONROE DOCTRINE VICTORY At a Time When We Had Treublee ef Our Own We Bald “Hands Off I” te the Pewere of Europe That Tried te Raise a Monarchy In America. If It had not been for tbe United States there would now be no republic of Mexico. • Like all the twenty republics south of us, Mexico bas been uuder the pro tection of tbe Monroe doctrin#. The doctrine has l»een often questioned by European powers, but only once has a \ serious attempt been made to violate It. This was between 1801 and 1805, when the United States was engaged In internecine warfare that imperiled its very existence. Just as soon as our war broke out the warships of Eng land, France and Spain set sail for Mexico and took possession of Vera Cruz. Secretary Seward notified the three allied powers of our deep concern and anxiety for the security and wel fare of the Mexican republic and that our fleet would be stationed in tbe gulf of Mexico to look after our Interests. England and Spain soon withdrew, but it became evident that «Napoleon 111. Intended to overthrow tbe republic of Mexico as he had the republic of France. A fictitious empire waa forced upon Mexico by French troops, and an Austrian archduke, Maximilian, was selected as tbe puppet sovereign. The French invasion was directed all the republics of the new world. It was prophesied In I’arto that in ten years every South American republic would be converted Into a monarchy and the United Btates into a dictator ship. The handa oi the American govern ment were tied, but the voice of the American i>eople could not be silenced. In the midst of our own war, when war with England seemed imminent the house of representatives risked a war with France by passing a vote of 109 to nothing that "It does not accord with the policy of the United States to acknowledge any monarchical gov ernment erected upon the ruins of any republican government in America un der the auspices of any European power.” Nothing more could be done at the time, but just as soon as our war was over General Grant proposed to organ ize an army of combined Union and Confederate soldiers who would volun teer to march to the City of Mexico and expel the Austrian emperor. He selected General Bchofield to enlist troops for service on the republican side of Mexico. The war department gave General Schofield a leave of ab sence for a year, with permtolon to go beyond the limits of the United States and to take with him any of hto staff officers that he wanted. In the mean time Grant sent Sheridan to the Rio Grande with 50,000 troops, which were distributed along the frontier, where they threatened the French lines. But fortunately force was not neces sary. The show of force was sufficient anti Schofield was sent to Paris to ne gotiate • for the retirement of the French troops Instead of into Mexico to drive them out. The secretary of state notified Napoleon in November, 18C3, that the United States “still re garded the effort to establish perma nently a foreign and imperial govern ment In Mexico as dlsallowable and impracticable.” As the emperor of the French did not seem disposed to pay any attention to this Mr. Seward set a definite date for tbe withdrawal of the French troops. The Mexican republicans under Jua rez had been keeping up n brave fight for freedom, although Maximilian had ordered nil of them shot whenever caught, without trial or the possibility of pardon. As soon as the United States had compelled the withdrawal of the French the .republicans were able to overcome the Imperialists with no official assistance from the United States. Their victory was marred by the unnecessary execution of the would be emperor in spite of the Interposition of Secretary Seward. But the United States had to say “Hands off!” to Austria as well as to France. Itather than have an Austrian archduke ignomlnlously dismounted from the throne it was planned to ship 10.000 Austrian troops from Trieste to Vera Cruz. But our minister at Vien na. Mr. Motley, was told by Secretary Seward that if Austria allowed a sin gle soldier to embark for Mexico the United States would break off rela tions at once. The Austrian govern ment saw the point and prohibited the shipment of the troops enlisted Tor Mexico.—New York Independent. What It It That Wins. A countrywoman remarked to her ueighhor during a conversation on their return from market. “How to It Mary, that you have been married four times and I’ve never been married at all and I’m much handsomer than you ?” “Aye. to Ite sure." returned Mary, “hot It ain’t handsomeness that does It, Sarah. It’s the ‘come hither* la your eye." Worthy of Admiration. Her Dad—So you want to marry my daughter? I like your nerve. Suitor— Well. sir. you ought to. I spent a whole lot of time working It up.—Bos ton Transcript Industry keeps the body healthy, the ■rind clear, the heart whole and tha purse full.—Simmons.