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The Paonia progressive and the Paonia newspaper. (Paonia, Colo.) 1911-19??, September 14, 1911, Image 1

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VOL. 8
Why Lawyers Go to Heaven
Rather, Why They Don’t Go Elsewhere
The devil came to the earth one day
And into a court room took his way,
Just as a lawyer, with very grave face,
Was proceeding to argue the points in a case.
Now a lawyer his majesty never had seen,
For to his dominion none ever had been;
"’Tis the fault of my agents," his majesty thought,
"That none of these lawyers have ever been caught."
And for his own pleasure he had felt a desire
To come to the earth and the reason inquire.
Now, when the first lawyer had come to a close.
The counsel opposing him fearlessly rose,
And heaped much abuse on the head of the first,
That he made of him a villain, of all men the worst.
Ivach claimed he was right and the other was wrong.
They sparred and contended and argued so long,
That, concluding he’d heard enough of the fuss,
"Old Nick" turned away and soliloquized thus:
"They have puzzled the court with their villainous cavil,
And I am free to-confess they have puzzled the devil.
My agents were right; let the lawyers alone.
If I had them, they’d euchre me out of my throne
—The Docket.
A National Hot Bed
H. \V. Hyerts o( Soccrro. New
Mexico, has a scheme (or securing
irrigation water by drilling a 1,200
foot tunnel into the mountains, by
which he has tapped some warm
springs to irrigate 250 acres ol or.
chard. The ranch is remarkable
in several respects first because it
is probably the only one in Amer
ica in which the conditions of
cient I’ompeii are so nearly dupli.
cated. and because warm water is
used for irrigating, Other tunnels
tiave been driven into the mount
ains in that locality, is always
warm and in some cases even hot.
Mr Byerts says that with the
warm water and the heat of the
mountains underneath, he can er
ect a glass roof over ten acres or
so located far up a canon, and
grow all sorts of fruits at all times
of the year. This ought to be an
ideal section for operating incuba
tors and we do not know of a
healthier place in all the countrv
in which to carry on the poultry
business. — Field and Farm.
Corn-Fed Trout
The Denver I‘rcss Club Sum.
mcr Camp on the Gunnison River
was closed on Thursday, August
31st, and the last of the outers
came into Denver on a Rio Grande
train F'riday morning. "Jimmie
Noland, president of the club,
was the first to open the camp and
the last to leave. On his return
to Denver a day or two ago he
was asked about the season, and
he became very enthusiastic over
this the initial sunipicr camp of
the newspaper writers of Denver.
Questioned about the fishing, he
waxed warm over the Gunnison.
He said that at all times the fishing
was fine, and any novice could
bring in a mess in hall an hour’s
time. He relates that early in
the season the camp was favored
with corn-fed trout, but thisexcep.
tional delicacy didn’t continue, by
reason of the acts of a farmerliving
on the river adjacent to the camp.
This farmer’s chicken ranch runs
down to the river bank, and it is his
custom to scatter corn and other
grains for his poultry almost down
to the water’s edge. But the
chickens lost out on their rations,
because the trout came out on the
bank and carried off the major
portion of the grain. To prevent
this, the farmer put in coarse
screcn wire netting along the riv
er bank. This kept out the targe
trout, but the latter,growing wise,
sent in the smaller fish through
the netting, and they brought out
the corn, with the result that the
farmer was obliged to change bis
screen to a very fine mesh.
It was on this account that the
supply of corn-fed trout ran out
before the season was half over.
The Hon. James W. Kelley and
some of the other legal lighs of
the I’ress Club arc looking into
the constitutional right of the
farmer tocrect a close mesh screen
along the water front, and it is to
be hoped that this question will be
ajudicated in favor of the club
in time for the reopening of the
camp May 25, next year.—The
Kaifrood Red Hook
Madero Nominated
Mexico is attracting much at
tention just now. Madcro has
been nominated for l’residcnt and
his acceptance speech was superb.
It reads like the words of both an
honest and a sagacious man. His
idea is to reduce Mexico to a
reign of law, but under the law to
secure to every man no matter
what his station, his just rights.
If he is strong enough to do
that and at the same time lucky
enough to escape assassination
while working out his plans, he
will preform such service for his
country as no other man ever has.
He will have with him the utmost
■good will of the United States, for
this countay wants no complica
tions with Mexico.
We have plenty of trouble of
our own without acting as a quasi
guardian of a sister republic. Our
greeting to Madero is: "Go on
and prosper.”—Goodwins Weekly.
Karharine B Sanders R. N.
Graduate Colo. Training school
for Nurses, i’honc Black 74-1,
School Hooks uj, U’clhorn.s
Strange Old Ruins are Un
earthed While Man Is
Looking for Gold Mine
Galveston, Tex., Sept. 9.—An
ancient city has been dug up in
western Texas at Alpine, a small
town in Brewster county, showing
that an earthquake or some cata
clasm buried a city of quite a
large population.
The discovery was made months
ago and the -research pursued
quietly by an expedition which
set out to locate the famous old
rock cave spring gold mine, from
which, tradition has it, millions in
gold were taken out by the Span
iards with the crude methods of
early days.
The mine has been located and
active preparations are being
made to work it with modern ma
A pool or well,located near the
site of the old mine, has attracted
historians, geologists and scientists
for years and is known to be a
bottomless well.
It is 07 feet in diameter and
sounding lines have been to a
depth of 3,000 feet without find
ing bottom.
Oft from the well and 4">o feet
under the gronud were found long
tunnels resembling streets lead
ing off in all directions, and the
ruins of stone buildings built in
shelvings of rocks, with many
chambers or rooms.
Large pillarssaid to be petrified
portions of trunks of huge trees
have been uncovered. Several
circular stone copings at consid
erable distance apart appear to be
underground cisterns or wells of
the ancient city and immense
caves showing the handiwork of
a race other than savages have
been found and explored.
Burning The Hammer
The people of Pueblo came to
gether the other day and burned
a hammer, the burning of which
was expected to symbolize the
elimination ot the genus “knock
er" of which evqry community is
more or les- afflicted We hard
ly think that the vocation of
"knocking 1 was completely abol
ished by this unique performance
of the Pueblo.ins, but we have no
doubt that the affair will have the
effect of turning the flash light
onto the tolly of "knocking” artd
in that way possibly curtail the
tendency to "knock." If it does
no more than to cause the chronic
"knocker” to think.twice before
he "knocks” and to awake to the
realization that he is a knocker.
After more or less of a study of
the matter we have come to the
conclusion that the average
"knocker" is not conversant with
the fȣt that he is a "knocker."
Some of the most enthusiastic de
plorers of "knocking" that we
have run up against it seems to us
have developed into the most ar
dent specimens of “knockers."
They have developed such a
mania for knocking the "knock
er" that is hard to distiguish be
tween them and the knocker they
arc knocking as far as the subject
ot knocking is concerned.
Consequently we have conic to
the conclusion that kfioccing the
knocker is not a very efficient
means of eliminating the knock
er, but only meansihe addition of
another knocker. The better way
is tor each one to be careful that
he is not a knocker himself and
we find that this takes some pret
ty careful scutiny of ones self to
be sure of this fact.
A pretty good preventative and
cure of the knocking habit is a
compound made up of 50 per
cent optimism and 50 percent of
w’illingness that the other fellow
should succeed as well as ones
However, if the burning of a
symbolic hammer has the effect in
the least of discouraging the
knocking habit every town can
well afford to follow the example
of Pueblo and have a public burn
ing of the knocker’s devastating
instrument.—Montrose Enter
The Threatened Strikes
The threatene 1 strike on the
Harriman lines is a most serious
matter —serious because of tne im
mediate distress and loss that
would be inestimable, but if pos
sible more serious in the demands
made by the unions. When they
are carefullv"analyzed they amount
to this, "You must practically
place your business in our hands.
We are to be your dictators. You
must not discharge a natural in
competent. or shirk, or loafer
We are to dictate how many ap
prentices you are to have: you
must pay the same wages to a
worthies- as to a valuable man;
we propose to take away every in
centive to laboring men to strive
to earn promotion honestly. You
cannot run your roads without la
borers; it is our purpose to fix the
terms on which labor will do your
work." —Goodwin's Weekly.
Oddities in Vegetable Line
C. W Ball ot North Delta, was
in Tuesday morning with a pro
duct of his North Delta soil that
is surely an oddity. The Snake
cucumber, is the name of the veg
etable and one of the two Mr Hall
had was said to be only half
grown and was about four feet in
length, growing in a spiral shape
as the name indicates. When full
grown the snake cucumber .ttains
a length of eight to ten feet, Mr/
Ball clains, and make especially
fine pickles. Those mentioned in
this article can now be seen at the
exhibit room in the Bank building.
—Delta Independent.
Couldn’t Make It
An old darkey wanted to join a
fashionable city church, and the
minister, not wanting to hurt his
feelings, told him to go home and
pray over it. And in a few days
the darkey came back.
"Well, what do you think of it
by this time?” asked the preacher.
"Well, sah” replied the colored
man, "Ah prayed an’prayed, an’
de good I-awd says to me, 'Rastus,
Ah wouldn’t bodder mah haid
about dat no mo'. Ah’ve r /een
trying to get into dar chu’ch ma
ss i fo’ dc las’ 20 years an’ Ah done
had no luck"—Nation. I Monthly
A physician announces that he"
has discovered a serum fhat will
cure laziness. The present cost
of living is curing it fast enough.
—Detroit F'ree Press.
Paonia Business Men Win
Loving Cup in Series of
Games with Hotchkiss
The latest addition to Paonia’s
collection of trophies is a magnifi
cent loving-cup, now on exhibi.
tion at your Uncle Peter’s jewelry
store. The cup was given by our
sister city Hotchkiss, as a prize
for the championship ot the
World's amateur baseball Team
and- that's US.
The series of five games was
played between the bu-irress men
of Paonia and Hotchkiss com
mencing July 4th and the last
was (flayed Sept. 14, 1911.
There is no doubt but that the
Hotchkiss team can beat any
other aggregation-m the entire
wofld outside of Paonia But
Paonia played the national game
so fast and furious that only five
games were necesary to satisfy
our Hotchkiss brethren of their
inferiority when pitted against
Be sure to step into Uncle Pe
ter’s and see the beautiful emblem
which at one and the same time
commemorates the prowess of Pa.
onia and the generosity ot Hotch
kiss. -
Wedding Bells
Mr. C. M. Stone, of Paonia, and
Miss Mary L Hibbs, of Earlham,
lowa, were married in Denver on
Wednesday evening, Aug. 30th.
by the Rev. Dr. Robert F. Coyle of
the Central Presbyterian Church.
They returned to Paonia last Mon
day evening after a ten day's stay
in Denver and vicinity, and will
reside on Poplar Avenue in the
house recently purchased from
Prof. Hussong.
Mr. Stone, who is junior mem
ber ot the law firm of Baxter &
Stone, came to our city sometime
over a year ago from New York.
He is a graduate of Colgates Uni
versity and of New York Law
The bride is well known in Pao
nia where she has been a teacher
for the past three years in the
public schools.
Mr. R. F. Coyle accompanied
the groom to Denver t 4 act as
master of ceremonies.
This paper extends most hearty
congratulations to the young peo
ple and wishes them a long and
happy life.
Hard On Daddy
Milwaukee. Wis.,Sept. 9. Mrs.
John Soca told Municipal Judge
Neelen today she could stand a
whole lot of things trom her spouse
but when he came home intoxica
ted and took their 3weeks-old in
fant from its crib and attempted
to sell it on the street tor 25 cents
to buy whisky, she balked. The
judge sentenced the man to work
and turn all his earnings over to
his wife and six children, who, ac
cording to the better half, he nev
er supported.
It is reported that miners in the
Somerset mine have again tapped
the fire which has been burning in
Fire Mountain since before the
settlement of the white man in
this valley.
NO. 7

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