The Holly chieftain., October 08, 1897, Image 4

About The Holly chieftain. (Holly, Colo.) 1897-1987

Image provided by: History Colorado

                
WHAT BECOMES OF THEM?
———— !
It is estimated that the daily supply of
needles for the entire world amounts
10 3,000,000 of varying shapes and sizes, |
while the United States ulone calls for
a yearly supply of 300,000,000,
Of the 800,000 half-cents not one hos
ever been returned to the mint. A few
of this derumination may be found in
the bands of coin collectors, but the
whereabouts of the rest is a mystery.
Of the 119,900,000 old copper cents
which were seut out from the mint
only the 900,000 have ever been account
ed for and only now and then is a stray
one of the remuiniog 119,000,000 seen in ,
circulation.
Of the 4,500,000 brouze two-cent
pieces sent out only 1500000 ever
found their way back, leaving 3,000,000
to be accounted for, and there are an
equal number of nickel three-cent
pieces somewhere in the country
though one is rarely ceen.
Of pins it is sald that some of the
large department stores often order 100
cases at a time. Each case contains 108
dozen papers and cach paper holds 360
pins, 80 a little use of the multiplication
table will show what an immense thing
even the one order means. The vearly
output of pins from the largest factory
in the United States, it is claimed,
would if placed end to end, reach three
times around the world.
HINTS TO MOTHERS.
During their vacation children shoulad
wear easy-fitting, well-made shoes,
cither without heels or having very low, |
broad ones. The spring heel is best for
little chikdren,
Parents should teach their children to
«now how to distinguish poisonous ivy |
aud sumach from other plants, so that |
they might avoid touching or going too |
vear them. ‘
Children who are going in the coun- |
try should be taught to übstain from
suting green or half-ripe fruit. They |
should also be taught the danger of
drinking directly from brooks and poois |
of water. ‘
It a child were impressed with the |
ldea that he might swullow some tiny |
creature that would grow in his stom- '
uch and give him great pain and trouble, ‘
be would not be 8o ready to stoop down |
sod drink from woodland brooks and
pools; he would have a wholesome fear
uf tadpoles and other amphibious life.—
Ladies’ World !
GREEN-ROOM GOSSIP.
It is said that Corinne received €25.-
000 insurance on the life of the lats|
Jennie Kimball, her mavager. |
Jean de Reszke has been invited to |
sing before the czar of Nussia, an honor
conferred on very few i
Anna Held has signed with the “La |
Poupee”™ company in London with a
salary of SSOO per week, with her car
riage and maid also paid for. |
Nanette Comstock has decided to go |
to London to appear as Sylvia in “A
BRachelor's Romance,” which is to be
produced by John Hare
It is probable that 50 members of the
famous Gilmore band will tour the
country next season under the mau
agement of E. A. Conturier. |
Sir Henry Irving will present at the
London Lyceum next December a play |
based on the life of Peter the Great.
written by Sir Henry's son, Lawrence |
Irving. |
Bernhardt declares she will soon es- |
say the role of Hamlet because the
prince of Wales has expressed a desire
to see her in the part of the meian '
choly Dane. 1
FUN AND FICTION.
v g o T |
A Distinction. — Miss ()utcnown—i
“[sn't there & Mrs. Skinner in this vil
lage who keeps boarders?" Hi. Hubbel
**She takes boarders, ma’am; but she
don't keep ‘em.”—Puck. 1
Not the Fool ITe Looked. “How much
do you reckon to get for a paintin® like
that?” “About fifty dollars.,” Parmer
(aside)—"Gol durn him! He thinks
I'm a fool.”—Truth. |
Dudely—*"Aw-—Miss Clawa, if .\nll—-i
aw ~wefuse me, | shall go wight away ]
from here and blow my bwaius ont -~ |
aw!"™ Miss Clara--" Pooh! nonsense! :
Mr. Dudely; you'd never hit them.”— |
Ti-Dits, |
She—*Why is it, 1 wonder, that little l
men so often marry large \\nmn-n'."“
He—"l don't know, unless it is that lit- |
tle fellows are afraid to back out of the
eugagements,” Cleveland Leader. f
e e e e
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Cheeks to Children
Thousands of tired, nervous, worried
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Pale and puny children are given rosy
heeks and vicorous appetites by the great
blood euriching qualities of Hood's Bursa
parilia. It is indeed the mother's friend
and {tmay well have a place ia thousands
of families Be sure to get Hood's
’ 1 are the only pills to take
Hood’s Pills 710 QIS
Every homeseeker shounld addross either 1. F
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he ILLINOIS CENTRAL RATLROAD'S
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IDE 1o K on;iyke'. 100 pages
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A. N. K.~H 1877
WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS
please state that you saw the Advertise
meat ia this paper
e e e
FIIISO'S CURE FOR
ES Wi ALI ELSE FAN S
old by drugyista. S ‘
VRSN VN S B
IN CYCLEDOM.
BICYCLE BALANCER.
Good Thing for Women Who Are
Learning to Ride.
The timid beginver in bicycle riding
may be reassured by attaching a new
sutomatic bieycle “balance,” which
keeps the front wheel going straight
abead. This will prevent the wheel
from swerving spasmiodically from side
to side so abruptiy as to make wheeling
a most dangerous and upcertain thing.
It will also prevent accidents from
striking a small stone, which inexperi
enced riders find a great bugbear in
learning to ride. There are so many
‘hings to learn at one time, the riding,
‘he balancing, and the guiding of the
nuchine, and it is so hard to think of
nerything all at once. This “balnnce™
ronsists in two coiled wire eprings
shich are atached by rings to the frame
wnd ecach front fork so that without
BICYCLE BALANCER
B e SHEE N 5 M= o
positive effort the direciion in which
whe wheel is going isnot changed. Tihs
Zives confidence to the new rider, and
greatly increuses the pleasure of riding,
vspecially on rough roads. It gives a
steadiness to the wheel which makes
qurning sufe and firm. The necessity |
for holding the handle bar every minute
or be in danger of striking some ob
struction which may land the rider ou‘
the ground isovercome when the balnce
is used. The rider merely does the
pumping. the “balance™ does the rest. ‘
SPEED RECORDS.
The Bleyele Beaten Only by the Ruce
Horse and Tralo. ]
Could there be a great handicap race, |
in which contestants along various
lines were engnged, the importance of
the bicycle would be apparent. The
swimmer would truvel over the nhur!-i
est conrse. If the track were so de
signed as to give him a three-minute
task, his distance would be 251 yards,
which is his record for swimming |
Next would come @ man rowing, with a |
listance of 534 yards. A man running |
waould be the next highest, the distance
given him to cover being 1,274 yards.
Next the skater, with 1,020 yards. Im
wediately in front of the skater would
comie the trotting horse, which is able
to go 2,520 yards in three minutes.,
\ man on a bicyele can travel faster
than o horse can trot, The record for
three minutes s 2540 yards, a distance
aonly beaten by i race horse and a.train,
and a wonderful pace for a vehicle pro
pelled by the muoscular power of a
human being. .
The record of the race horse is 3,080
yards in three minutes, but that of the
train fur exceeds this, of course. The
highest speed for three minutes by a
train is five miles.
Color Treatment for Insunity
Experiments in the use of color in
the treatment of iusanity are being
recquced more and more to a practical
basis. Especially is this true in Eng
land. A morbid, melancholy madman
who had bardly spoken for four days
was shut up inu room with bright yel
low ceiling, walls and carpet. Three
hours of sunlight iu this bright cham
ber made him cheerful and animated,
Alter 20 hours in the same room a ma
niac, who was trying to starve himseif,
usked for tood. One violent patient
to whom a strait-jucket was neces
sury, was brought to reason in a single
Liour by being placed 1o a pale-blue
roon. Two days in a violet chamber
caused another patient to request that
he be sent home, as he felt guite well,
As to Pumping Tires
Do not pump anold tire too hurd. As
a rule there is vot wuch danger of a
rider being able toaccomplisn this with
thesmall haod pump carried on a wheel,
but when it comes to foot pumps it is
different. 1t should be borne in wind
thut tires, when ridden for some time,
are wmuch more liable to damage than
when they are new, even assuming that
they have been taken care of, and the
moisture has not been allowed to pene
trate and rot the fabrie. Itis lkely that
the tire will have been reduced in
strength by wear, und some caution
nmust, therefore, be exercised. Any tire
i hable to burst if pumped hard after
‘being ina cool place for some time and
then taken out and ridden under a mid
smmer sun,
How to Stop Suddenly
My method of aroiding u collision by
suddenly stoppiug a bicycle and dis
mounting wheo there is uo time or op
portunity to use a brake, foot or other
wise, is as follows: Firmly grasp the
handiebars, pull them toward you; at
the same time throw the body back
ward aud rear up on hind wheel and,
sittiug dowun in the road, of course
holding ou all the while; veither rider
nor wachine will come to harm. Auy
wheelman can be satisfied as 1o its
feasibility on a good lawn, and be con
viuced that it is both barmless and sim
ple.—~L. A. W, Bulletin.
Tire Made of Threndas,
Good track and road records have
been made by a new tire which is being
manufactured in a Rbode lsland city
It is made of threads instead of fab
ric, the result being a much livelier and
sironger tire than the ordingry product.
At a test made last fall this: tire stood
a pressure of over 300 pounds to the
square inch, fiinally bursting at 322
pounds. The road and racing tires are
made exactly alike so far as the con
struction is coucerned, the oaly dif
ference being in the weight of the outer
covering of the rubber.
Puncture Detector.
A simple and conveuient device for
locating a puncture in a4 pueumatic tire
congists of a small air-tight casing, the
lower part of which is hollowed out to
allow of its passage along the tire, hav
ing & fine guaze wire bottom, above
which is placed some light material,
such as bran, fluffy cotton, floss, ete.,
whose agitation will disclose the pres
cnce of the leak as the casing is moved
slowly along the tire.
THE LIQUOR TRADE
llln- It Been Injured by the Introduc
{ tion of ihe Bicyclet
The enthusiastic wheelman is fond of
declaring that as bieycles become more
numerous the amount of liquor cen
sumed in the couutry decreases. This
declaration finds color of proof in the
recent report of the commissioner of
licternal revenue,® which shows a d&l
| crease during the past year of about
6,000,000 gallons in the consumption of 1‘
whisky and of 1,403,004 barrels in the
consumption of beer. He attributes this I
|decrease 1o the prevalence of hard |
times, so that the decrease shou!d, bel
more than made up duriog the present |
year if his theory is correct, provid
ing also that the reports of prosperity |
are well founded. In commenting on
this report the Milwaukee Sentivel|
thinks that very likely the smaller con- |
sumption of liquors is due to the cause |
ascribed it by the commissioner, and |
the liquor mauufacturers may in that
case look forwurd to a considerable im- |
| provemens in business. On the nxhul
| hand, it is just possible that some other |
| cause has operated to lessen the con- |
| sumption of liquors, and. if one is look- t
| ing about for a good. plausible explana
tion for any alteration in business con~|
| ditions, it is hardly possible to leave |
{ the bicyele out of consideration. The |
| bieyele has been charged with inwr-!
{ference in the affairs of severa! lines of
business. I
| Wherever there has been a noticeable |
{falling off in the receipts of a business |
!'man be has usually succeeded intracing
| the responsibility 1o the bicycle. There
| fore it is not surprising to find that
the smaller sales of liquor during the
| past year are by some pl'aced to the
credit of the bicyele. The liquor deal
ers have not. so far as we know, made
this statement. [t comes from a news.
paper source, the Philadelphia Times
heing credited with the discovery that
there is n possible relation between
the incrensed use of the bicycle and
the decrease in the consumption of
liquor. In elaborating this theory it
says: “The bicyele is the enemy of the
| liquor habit for two reasons. [t appro
priates both for its purchuse and fot
!it.\ use the spare money of the young
| man that formerly went largely to the
l~.’|h\flvv keeper, and it makes impossible
| overindulgence in intoxicating drinks,
beenuse it can be operated only to ad
|vantage by a strong-limbed and clear
headed rider.”
REPAIRING THE CHAIN.
Carry an Extrn Link with You Wher
ever You May Go.
No minor acident is more annoying
or more difficult to repair than a broken
chain, Many riders carry ap extra link,
but with no means of using it.
Have yourdealer make a iink like Fig.
1, and carry it and a small file. Whena
side link breaks like Fig. 2. file off the
heads of rivets A and B, and put on side
HOW TO REPAIR A CHAIN.
plates Cand D. 1f a center link brukl]
like Fig. 3, file off the heads of rivets R
and F, and relpace the section thus re-[
moved by Fig. 1 {
The side plates of the extra link are’
threaded, and the bolts scerewed in. A
smooth ten-cent piece makes an ex-|
cellent screwdriver. If the breaking of |
the chain is caused by its climbing lhqi
sprockets, it would be well to turn ili
over after making repairs.—S. M
Warns, in L. A. W. Bulletin. {
THE CYCLIST'S PISTOL.
Londed with Ammonin, It Keeps un/
Dogs nnd Tramps. {
Ammonia is as eflicient a protection
aguinst dogs which show a prv:dilucliuu‘
for bicycle riders as one can have. It has
been known in Massachusetts to roul!
highwaymen whe have attempted ul
hold up peaceatle wheelmen, and hnoi
the advantage over firearms of being|
nonexplosive, and it cau be hnmllcdi
with safety by wvervons individuals !
women and children. ;
An ordinury syringe nine or ter|
inches long. with a barrel about an inck
squire, which can be operated with ont
haod, will carry enough ammonia te
muke o score of dogs und several able |
bodied highwaywen cousider disere |
tion the better part of valor. Have 3|
feather case made for it, and carry i|{
strapped like a holster to the back of!
the headpost.
From a distance it will look like l‘
brake, and yet it is within quick reach |
The hLolster should be long enough ul
almost cover the top of the ejector of |
the syringe when the syringe is ful |
of ammonin. |
No Wonder He Fled.
Judge—~You admit that you enteres
the house of the prosecuting witness o}
the rear door at two o'clock in themorn
ing?
Prisoner—Yes, vour honor.
Judge—What business did you haw
there at that time of night?
Prisoner—l thought it was my owr
house.
Judge—Then why did you, when this
lady approached, leap through the win:
dow. jump into the cistern and hide
yourself?
Prisoner—Your honor, 1 thought i
was my wife.—~N. Y. Truth,
Which Was the Bettert
“Brotaer,” said the minister gently
*you should read your Bible more assid
uously Brother Burrough—your nex:
door neighbor, by the way—never let:
a day pass withont a perusal, at least
of his copy of Holy Writ.,”
“He may read his Bible all right,
said the delinquent, “but he alway:
borrows my newspaper.”—Cincinuat
Enquirer.
Encourngement.
Jack Brokeleigh (producing a re
voiver)—You refuse me? Then fare
welll This shall be my last resort.
Miss Gotrox (sizing up the weapon)—
\Vell, you ought to be able to get four oz
five dollars on that.—N. Y, World.
An Appropriate Designation,
Miss Trinkett-—Elsie blushes very
readily, doesn’t she?
Miss Twitters—She does. She is the
very pink of propriety. — Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The Flunkey's Step.
Binnick—Lady Ancaster says that
Americauns don't know how to dance.
Cynic—She's wrong. Americans eas
beat the world in dancing attendancs
on the nobility.—Town Topics.
Drawing the Line.
e PP e N
I “No,” said young woman with the
- [stunding co! r and the lawn tie. ~I
cannot follow the dictates of my heart
I cannot £y hini"”
’ “Why not2® inquired her contidante,
| “The differgnce in our positions is
| oc great.” ¥
| “Love sho be capable of any sac
| rifice.” 3
| “1 supposeSyo. Ilut | cannot forget
‘:llx-ll my jon pays me $25 a week,
v hile he fonly sl2."—Washington
' Star. g
Reaping the Whirlwind,
| Weplty a ho i= poor In old age,
| When o tis sadly the truth—
The hard he suffers was rashly
brought g
By the soft e he had in his youth.
y -Detroit Free Press.
BADLY BENT.
| Tommy — Oh, Mr. Crooks, we'rs
i awfully glad you come
Mr. Crooks—Aund why are you so glad,
i my little man?
| Tommy—FEthel and 1 are playing
| trains, and you'll make a lovely bridge.
: —Up-to-Date.
Convincing Evidence.
| "1 hyuhs yoh dun tackled a mighty
| behd citizen las’ night at de parloe
| social,” said Miss Miranda Dewberry.
| “Dat's whut [ did, 'replied Erastus
| Pinkley. *lf du's anybody wif doubts
| about dat man's bein’ hahd. jes bring
: ir around and’ let im look at de
| nicks in dishere ruszer.”—Washington
| Star.
| CAUGHT IN THE “SEA-SAW™ ON THE BOARD OF TRADE.
SHOWING WHERE THE MONEY \wHICH BUPPLIES THE "BIG WINNINGS®
REALLY CUOMES FROM.
Floored at Last.
‘ “What is it that worries Gritly's mind
| 50? He worked new problems as fast as
‘; they came out, solved the pigs in clover,
| the fifteen puzzle and everything else.”
‘1 “He's just about crazy trying to mas
| ter the tariff schedule.”—Detroit Free
| Press. 3
Pacified.
“Is that province pacitied?” asked
the Spanish general.
“Yes,"” replied the officer. “Now that
the inhabitants have whipped us for the
third time they seem quite contented.”
—Washiugton Star.
He Wasn't Losing Much.
Buggins—Bee here, porter, this mir
ror is so du"&l can't see myselfinit.
Porter (who has not been tipped by
Buggins)—Strikes me yo' ought to be
mighty thapkful, sah, 'stid o' makin'a
fuss about it.—N. Y. Truth.
Change of Feature.
Griggs—l tell you what it is, Sipper
nas a great nose for investment: he
has recently acquired a water front.
Briggs—Don't say? He must have
changed his nose since I saw him.—
Richmond Dispatch.
Woman's Inhemanity to Man.
New Woman—Simply because a wom
an marries a man is no reason why she
should take his name.
old Bachelor—That's so. The poor
telldw ought to be allowed to keep some
thing he could call his own.—Judge.
Pleaanre’s Byway.
Chapples who lead rapid lives
Find with quite a shock
That the road is very short
From champagne to hock.
—Judge.
HE MARRIED A WIDOW.
Mr. Henpeck—There was only one
verfect aan.
Miss Brown—Who was that?
Mr. Henpeck—My wife's first hus
band.—N. Y. Herald,
These Dear Girls.
“Willie Watkins told me I was a
peach.”
*] wonder if he referred tc that fuss
on your chin."—Chicago Record.
Taking No Chances.
Mr. Curtis—Yes. | must positively go
buck to-morrow morning.
Miss Emslie—On, I'm sorry for that.
I wizh you could stay over for another
duy at least. You know we are to give
vur performance of “Camille” to-mor
10w, with me in the title role.
Mr. Crutis (absently)—That’'s the
reason I've got to go. — Cleveland
Leader.
Choosing an Eplitaph.
Bereaved Widow—l want something
«hort and simple for my husband’s
tombstone.
Dealer—How do you like “Ie
su giun 2"
Pereaved Widow -What does that
mean?
Dealer—l shall rise again.
Bereaved Widow—No. make it “Rest
in Peace.”—N. Y. Truth.
A Snvngze Retort.
During a heated discussion with hit
wife a Harlem man said:
"0 these women! They are responsi
ble for most of the evils in this world.™
“1 know of one evil that was brought
into this world by a woman, and she
was your mother,” replied Mrs. Yerger.
~Tammany Times.
A Smart Girl.
“Yes,” said the pretty typewriter, in
reply to ber employer's proposal of
marriage, 1 will become your wife
upon one condition.”
“Name it darling.”
“That after we are married you will
employ a wan in my place.”—N. Y.
World.
Correct.
Teucher—A rich man dies and leaves
sl.ooo.ooo—one-fifth to his son, one
sixth to his danghter, one-seventh to
his wife, one-cighth to his brother, and
the rest to foreign missions—what does
cach one get”
Little Willy Brieffls--A lawyer!—
Puck.
Pat Was No Fool.
One of the surgeons of a hospital
asked an Irish help what he considered
the most dangerous of the many cases
then in the hospital,
“That, sir,” said Patrick, as he point
ed to a case of surgical instruments
lying on the tuble.—Tit-Bits,
A Considerate Husband.
She—Here you come home drunk in
broad daylight. Aren’t you ashamed of
yourself?
He—All on your account, Sarah. [
thought you would be more scared if
I came heme at night in thish dish
graceful condition.—Tammany Times.
An Appropriate Word.
BR[| e A S.T TR e
The Count—ll haf made toyourdaugh
ter a—what you call it—proposition—
proposal?
Her Father—H'm. [ think proposi
tion sounds more like business.—Brook
-Iy% Life.
HOW HE GOT IT.
Mandy—What an awful big hump
that came! has.
Uncle Cross Corner—He must have
got it riding a bike.—St. Louis Globe-
Dcmocrat.
Wiser Methods.
“Dorothy is always cultivating peo
ple who she thinks wil! be of use to her
socially.”
“Well, so do you.”
“Yes; but I don't talk about it."—
Chicago Record. ‘
The Guilty Party.
IR BE Ls&o -25 PN, Sy @
Grigson—What clergyman was it
that solemnized your marriage?
Flippard—lt wasn't a clergyman st
all. It was Mrs. F.'s mother.—Boston
Transcript. ‘
Disgusted.
“Bobby, dear, did you know the stork |
came und left you a dear, little buhy}
brother last night?" ‘
“Rats! I wish the old thing had left
me a bicyele!"—-Cycling Gazette, i
Easily Correected.
Angry Mother—How dare you lel!%
Your father that he is stupid! Go at
‘once and say that you are sorry.
- Little Willie — I'm uwfully sorry
‘you're stupid, papa!—N. Y. Journal.
No Pity for the Foet.
“Don't you think young Porticus h1
a budding genius?”
“No; I think he is more of a bloom
ing idiot."—Philadelphia Bulletin, =
Kot from His Viewpeint.
Pennect—ls your mother-in-law's §li
‘ness serious?
_ Henpect—Well, I suppose it is from
her point of siew.—Towa Topioa.
Latest Bicycle Siang.
B N T it o
‘ fin awkward person is a4 “wl;nbi-lrr," S
ip travels with a ‘‘loose sprocke
‘l'heel." e
: ," your clothes are not in style you are a
‘95 model.” i
When a mun’s sweetheart Jiits him he is
the victim of a “broken chain.”
An( rider abrading the skin by il“fa“
im"' y “scrapes off some of his enamel.”
He who looks upon the wine until his feet
i“" entangled is a person w hose “wheels do
{not run true.”
| A stupid individual, if there be any such
15>u a bicycle, has ““sand in his bearings
i A proud person, or one unduly baughty.
I rides with his handle bars raised too high.
One who is disposed to be imaginative to
{»&f._flknt of romancing is “gearcd up 1o
The individual who shouts at night when
others geur_e to sleep is the victin of “loose
lmoku. —N. Y. Journal.
Perhaps Andrews Was to Bianic.
[t S 0, TN S L e
The son of a well-known Providence law
yer came howme at the end of Lis fist termin
college exuiting in the fact that he stood
next to the head of his class, says an ex
shange. His father was less eauily satistied.
“What! Next to the head?” e exclaimed.
“What do you mean, sir? ['d Jike 1o know
what you think 1 send you to collcge for!
Next to the head, indeed! Humph! I'd iike
to know why you aren't at the liead, where
you ought to be!”™ The young man was nat
| urally “crestfailen, but upon his return 1o
i college he went about his work with such
Ill_nbl!lbl’l that the end of the term found
bim in the coveted piace. He went home
very proud, indeed. It was great ncws.
The lawyer contemplated his son for a tew
moments in silence: then, with a shrug of
his shoulders, he remarked: At the head
{of the class, eh? Humph' That's a fine
|commentary on Brown upiversity! " Chi
| cago Tribune.
A Cruel Husband.
“You ask for a divorce on the firuuml of
['.‘ruelt,\', do you, madam?” asked the judge.
' _E\'cfl, your honor,” replied the fair plain
uff.
. “Do you mean to say that your husband
has used bodily violence toward you?”
| “Oh, no, sir. He never struck me, but—"
Here the applicant’s voice broke as she
thought of the indignity, and she sobbed
bitteriy.
. “But what. madam?” asked the judge,
kindly. *“Tell me what your husband did.”
“Why. judge, once he spoke real cross to
dear Fido.”
-~ And the tender-hearted woman burst into
1 fresh torrent of tears.—Pittsburgh Chron
icle-Telegraph.
Wherein Nobbleton Shows Sense.
“My friend Nobbletan,” said Mr. Tankle
by, “is overcareful about many things, but
in many ways he shows great common sense
For instance: He always carries with hin
fio-hl cards appropriately addressed, and 1!
e is suddenly (-alred away anywhere—and
his business is such that he is liable to be
at any time—he puts a word or two on onc
of his %oetnl cards and puts it in the nearest
letter box. He may not have time to ntu{
and write or to telegraph, but he can a
ways find time to drop this postal card; and
it relieves the minds of the folks at home.
I‘9 lshil I think Nobbleton shows sense.”— N.
. Sun,
A Thorough Canvass.
R’etumcd Westerner—Yes, sir, those ¢y
clones out west usually make a clean sweep.
I lost everything I had in one. It came a]ou{
about noon, ans took house, furniture anc
everything in sight. And then, I'll be
blamed it the \'ifluinous thing didn’t come
back in half an hour.
Eastern Man—Why, how doex that
come?
“Way, you see, there was a chattel
mortgage in the house on some cattle be
longing to neighbor 1 had lent some
money to, ¢ Id, you may not believe it, but
that cussed zr.upinf eyclone came back and
took every head of those cattle.”—Puck.
He Didn’t “Take.”
“l we.t in for amateur photography
during my vacation,” said the sum
wer men. “There was no end of girls for
subjects.””
"“B:x.'_. how did you make out among the
girls?
“Oh, I r&)t a lot of negatives.”—Philadel
phia No American.
Sub Rosa.
Robinson—Do you like roast beef rare or
well done?
Jenkins—l like it rare, but that’s in striet
confidence.
“Why in strict confidence?”
“Well, if you knew our cook von would
see the necessity for concealing my real sen
timents on that subject.”—Puck.
A Good Boy.
“Why are yez decorating, Mrs. Murphy *”
“Me b’y Denny is coming home the day.”
“I thought he was sent up for foive years.”
“Yes, but he got a year off for good be
bhavoure.” |
“‘Sure, it must be comfortin’ for yvez to
have a good b’y loike that.”"—Tit-Bits.
Undisputed.
First Lawyer—You are a shyster! ‘
His Opponent—And = you are a black-{
guard!
The Court—Now, gentlemen, let us fic! at
he disputed points in the case.—Philadel |
shia North American. |
A Great Beneht.
First Dnnfimer of the Revolution—She
ays she’d like to know, for her part, what
practical E)ood our society does.
Second Ditto—Why, the mean thing! .Tust
1s it we hadn’t madeit almost fashionable to
Je patriotic.—Judge.
Sad Naturally.
Gotham—People are so different lere in
Boston. See how sad everybody looks.
Backbay—Naturally. How could they
100 k otherwise when they think of the un
fortunate peo,;\l:n who caunot live in 'Bos
ton —Boston nscript.
Kentueky Appreeiatea.
“Er—Col. Clay, it's a fine wheat crop we
have this year—"
“Splendid, suh, arlendid! Best an’ clean
»st lot o’ sttaws I ever drawed through,
suh!”"—Cleveland World.
: is the name to remember thefi.
d buying Sarsaparilla. It has been
4 curing people right along for [
Y more than 50 years. That’s why. §
T s
eST e e puce
SAPOLIO
LIMBURGER FOR BAIT.
Schnelder Shows His Friends How l.§
Fish for BEass. <z &
Qehneider and some of his friends took =
n‘]‘,:).“.‘rl.‘u::ng Jast week. They B
have much money is the reason t.h,'gx?
didn't o to Long Branch or Bar Hubq«gfi
or to Michigan. They simply went wj
Miami, and found a dry spot on the A
of the river and pitched a tent. Them ;«;fé
they salted two or three kegs of beer im |
the cool =and, and were ready for fimflnfi 2
Murphy was in the crowd. Never b
which Murply, this one was Irish. 4
“oi'll go down to the sthream,” he
said, “and Oi'll bring yeioon flt-fl,l,rm‘ uv
ish that’ll make yer mouth water. 7 e
= ;'hf ‘ame back an hour or two after
rithe a fish. i i
“'.‘_-'n'\‘::,, ‘ass are not afther fiies to-day, 5
begorra. Thot I know. Divil a wanuy =
them would Inlll‘;‘. B Ra L e "fi
“Vy vyou didn try some AR
boogs? Dem coot bait somedlmeo,dm "l
m::'_\h, to the divil with granhm. 5
Sehneider. You're always full uv munky °
suggistions Go an’ do your own fishin®
wid thim grasshoppers if you think they’re =
ony good.” Sesian
“Vell, 'm not mooch of a fishermam,
but I nivir coom back mitout wmedlz g
to show fur my vork, even uv I baf &%
go the store und py a zardeen box. Igit
you some fish for supper oof vou shust
Yait an hour or two.”
\d;vhluv,dx'r started down to the stream
and without a minnow or fly, or evenas |
“orasshopper boog.” He went up the
stream and in a short time he came back
with fish for supper, though some were
only blue lrnt’n. ‘wllht very good they are
vhen fried the right way. X ]
o 'l'til'lau'lrv the stuff, Schneider, you're the
stuff,” was the chorus that greeted hisre
turn. i :
“Phwere did you git thim fish,
Schneider? You've robbed somcbody, you =
thavin Dootehman.” g
“Dint I tole you I vos a fisherman,
soomtimes, hey? Vot you tink uv dem, an
all uv 'em alive, {\\' ('r:\t)mu '.“" : i
“Phot you bait wid, Schneider?” said
Murphy 5 R
“Dot’s a_secret, but if you don't T" it
away ! told you. 1 cot dem fish mit a little
Jiece uv limpurger cheese. Oh, dem fish are
\ })uu-h tish, 1 tole you. Murphy, ven you ko
fishin’ again mebbe some time you bait mit
a pertater. Den you yfil soom [rish fish”’—
'Cincmnuu Commercial Tribune.
‘ Almost Inside Out.
. The stomach that is not turned thus by a
shaking up on the “briny wave ’ must be a
’ well fortihed one. The gastric apparatuscan
be rendered proof against seasickness with
' that stemachic ko popular amongtravelersby
' sea and land—Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters.
It defends the system against malaria and
rheumatism, and subdues liver eomplaint,
sonstipation and dyspepsia.
All Women Are.
“Mrs. Jones is a very observing woman,”
said la Harlem woman, referring to her hus
band.
} “1 guess you are rith about it. I noticed
last Sunday in church that she wasa clothes
observer,” responded her husband, eynie
ally.—Tammany Times.
Why Is G(—;lr Plug ‘T‘n;-oco the Beat?
Because it is made from selected stock of
the best grade of leaf that grows. The ingre
dients used in its manufacture are absolute
ly pure—nothing injurious to the system en
ters into it.
Caught the Eggs.
Judge—How do you know the prisoners
threw eggs at you? :
Tragedian-—I" caught them in the aet.—
Up-to-Date.
To Cure a Cold-;;_one Day
Take Laxative Bromo Qu_inbn_e Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it failstocure. 23¢.
Watts—*There is one good feature about
the Kiondike that has not Leen sufficiently
exploited, in_my opinion.” Potts—‘And
that is—" Watts—" The su’)ermr facili
ties for cold storagé of a fellow after he
|:livs, until his friends can send for him.”—
Indianapolis Journal. :
Smith—“ Did many of the passengers go
to hear Dr. l'"ourthf\' preach in the mfi o
cabin this morning?”’ Brown—*“Yes, but
most of them left when he amnoum.n his /-
text.” Smith—“ What was it?” = Brown— .
*“*Cast thy bread upon the waters.” "—Life.-
l Hall’'s Catarrk Cure 4
Is a Constitutional Cure. Price 75%. =
Wallace—*T didn’t know vou rode B
wheel.” Ferry—*“l don’t.” Wallace—
*Then what are you wearing knickerbockers
and a sweater for?” Ferry—"*To keep the
fool bicycle riders from running over me.
They think I'm one of 'em.”—Cincinnati
Enquirer. .
»Ch'x};)‘nmn-—"My boy, do you know it’s
wicked to fish on the Sabbath?®” Young
ster—"l isn't fishing; I’'m teaching this "ere
wurm to swim.”'—Tit-Bits. X
Clerk—*You say vou will take this ham
mock, miss?”’ She—*Yes, but I want two
ot them.” Clerk—" Very well, madam.”—
Life. 7 i )
ST R VIR o
A Dose in Time Saves Nine of Hale's 3
Honey: of Horehotnd and Tar for Coughs.
' like’s Toothache Drops Cure infobe minute.
Benedict' (proudly)—'My wife kisses me.
gooil‘.mghl regularly.” ~ Rounder @Mg
—‘Women are suspicious creatures, ain’
they”"—Boston Herald. § i omas
A Stumbling Block.—“ What is the ob
jection of the politicians to the eivil serv
ice reform system*” “The e ation ques
l tions,”—Truth. v
I am entirely cured of hemorrhage of
-by Plivo’'s Cure for Consumption.—-
Louisa Lindamaw, Bethany, Mo., Jan. 8,'0%. *
T RIR @
. Not the Popular Shnpe.—"hymbc!fll-. ¢
ing house up with the times?’ *No; when
we have watermelon they cut it in strips in
stead of in wheels.”’—Chicage Record. g %
You can always tell a man whois not used i
to Np_pmg\ his hat by the awkward way he
does it.—\Washington Democrat. £