The Richmond Virginian., March 12, 1910, LAST EDITION, SPORTING SECTION, Image 12

About The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920

Image provided by: Library of Virginia; Richmond, VA

                
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M&rch Blows In With Merry Moods
MARCH IN THE CITY.
■_ / s' ^
Daacon Upthar: "Hold on, Hannar, and wa'II taka a anub to thia hitching
ooat# for whan tho dingad wind'll blow a kyar long that way it coma* pratty
aigb bain* a cyalnonl" .... ____——.—,
TO YOUR KNEES.
Stop the fiddlers; halt the dances;
Put away the diamond flashes—
Forty days for fast and forty
Pot the sackcloth and the ashes.
ta. wv
A COMBINE. TO THE REAR.
Hector—Thla la tha itwon when tha
world, tha flesh and tha devil taka a
back Mat
Man of the Street—No chance to bust:
that trust
SUGGESTIONS TO PERAMBULATING PARENTS.
CRUELTY TO BUGS.
"You know, Nred, 1 am observing
Lent. No mors kisses (or forty days."
“That puts tbs microbes on a diet*
BADLY GONE.
"Be gone!" she cried, ana it m left
For any on* to know
Who aaw him sitting there with tier
That ho was badly so.
First Kid—So you
lickin’ whoa you gets
WhaOt you flrotno to
hands?
Second Kid—Aw. ‘h
I Bets me Hekln’a.
ant
ELECTED.
Millionaire—Well count, what is itt
Tou seem to have somethin* important
to say.
Count—I have come to tell you that
I have decided to select you tor my
father-in-Ir.w.
THE EQUILIBRIST AT HOME.
to horn*, Bernardo.
Wrrt Sweet Young Thin*—What are
you doing here, dearT
Second Sweet Tounc Thing—Looking
for a husband.
Unit Sweet Toang Thing—But yon'Tg
BLEST BE THE TIE.
"Do you expect to keep Lent?”
•'Well, yes—that 1*. my wife will
ceep it, and we are one, you know."
-A FELLOW WESLIWO
The Lady (pointing to a mendicant)
—I feel sorry for that poor man.
Man of the World—So do t It's
Lent... i
NO PLACE IN POLITE CIRCLES.
Nurse—Please, sir. It's twins.
Professor—Well, well, what do they
want?
NOT HER FAULT.
walls—Ton ought to see that gtrt.
She'* great She's actually knocked
me silly.
Sell)#—Tcm can't teil that to ma. I
knew you before you nret boo.
ON THE JOB.
Manager—That new saleswoman
seems to have a very persuasive man*
uer.-....
Shopwalker—Persuasive? I believe
she’d sell a snowball to Old Nick!
A SPECIAL ORDER.
Divorced Woman—I like that doll ,
very much, only I wish you could ar
range it no that Instead of saying papa I
and mamma it would only soy
A CHURCHMAN'S VMtW.
Ma*l«trat»—You mri Mti lti otbat
lay charged with apeadfng Nov jmi
it* back again. — -..
Accuaed—Tour honor ftirgata that U
a last I'm wiMnt a burt rwort
Maglatrata ■ Forty day*.
Th« trolley cash ey.tem a* used in our large stores, with a few changes In
the receptacle, If adoptee. in our homes would aave many wearied footsteps.
CONSISTENCY.
"It seems to me that your .husband
la not of a very even temper."
"Oh. he certainly ia. Ho growls the
whole time."
DID HE GET IT?
"Now, Mr. James, I don't see how
with your salary you can afford to
smoke such expensive cigars," remark
ed a merchant severely to one of his
clerks.
"You're right, sir," responded Janus.
"I can’t. 1 ought to have a bigger sal
try."
r
’—l
DEMAND
Old I-auy—Due* either of you
9*e naughty word*?
First Kid—Wel», I ain’t much ot a
hand at It, but mil here klu cur* Due.
Cue* far da lady DHL
LOSING HIS NERVE.
Driver—Ain't yer satisfied with
over people? Yer want* to
m over the bosses now!
Taxi Driver (Indignantiy)—I haven’t
run over anybody for a long time
Bu* Driver—What! Are yer gittln’
SURVIVAL or THE FITTEST.
Uother The teacher nays you were
j flffbtlnr and cot to rch ol lute thla
i morning. How we* that?
Tommy—Well, the other boy didn't
get there at a:'.
ALL CORRECT.
The professional point of view Is
rarely that of the humanitarian. A
passenger on a London omnibus calls
out to the conductor:
j - ‘Ere. th«r«! Whoa! There's an old
I chap fallen off the bus!’*
i "All right" responds the conductor
■ cheerfully. “ *E’s paid bis fare!"
THE SECRET.
Lover—Of course, darling, our en
gagement must be kept private tor
awhile.
The Girl—Oh, yes, dear, rve told
every one not to say a word.
THE SIMPLE LIFE.
Hungry Quest—Afraid I'm a bit late
j but hope I haven’t kept breakfast
i waiting.
Hostess—Oh. I forgot to mention that
w% rc trying the “no breakfast" plan
j and feel so much better for It. We do
1 trust It will have the same effect with
; you.
BARNEY ANO HIS WIFE HAD A
FALLING OUT.
AT THE BATHS.
Robust Old Cjjntleman (to side lady)
—When I came here flrat I hadn't
strength to utter a word. I had
scarcely s hair on my head. I couldn't
walk across the room and had to be
lifted from my bed.
Sick Lady—You give me hope, kind
sir. How were you cured7
Robust Old Gentleman—I was born
here. ^ t
A POETICAL WEDDING.
First Poet—1 hear our friend -s
I and Miss Rimes are to wed soon.
Second Poet—Tea; they've taken out
| a poet's license
I THE RETORT COURTEOUS.
"What's the matter with the train?"
asked the lecturer, vexed with the
speed they were making.
"If you don't like this train." the
guard retorted, "you can get out and
j walk."
j “By Jove," said the lecturer, ~rd do
It. but a reception committee is to
meet me at my destination, and I don't
want to get In ahead of time."
THE MORNINO AFTER.
First Chappie—-Hellol How ta
heed feeling?
Second Ohapplj—Immense!
MAKING WAY FOB SPRING.
Tha aun ha laughs ha
ha,
Tha moon turns up
hsr shin,
Tha stars wink In tha
blua
At springtlma antara
DESTRUCTIVE THEOLOGY. -
At a chapel the pulpit was occupied
one Sunday moraine tv a minuter
from a neighboring town. A. tew days
later the preacher received a copy of
the local weekly paper, and bU atten
tlon was drawn to the following item:
“The Rev. — supplied the pulpit at
the Congregational church last Sun
day. and the church will now he cloned
three weeks far repairs.'*
EVASIVE ANSWER.
One of the amarteet foe* of U»*
hock lor la Dr. Macnajnera of London,
whoao witty replies to 'ouaotionera
have often turned the laufb no hi*
•Ido."
“dr# you In favor of the repeal of
the blasphemy lawa?" aaked an easiUd
old lady at one of hia meettasa.
"Madam “ replied Or. Mac gravely.
*1 am a aolfer."
mkmln
latest method of catching a spring chicken,
V. * 1