The Richmond Virginian., May 14, 1910, CITY EDITION, THE PROGRESS SECTION, Image 16

About The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920

Image provided by: Library of Virginia; Richmond, VA

                
THE TR«A OF THE GAME.
Excited Pitcher
YW ain't
•): "Say, Billy, how'* dat?
yerf*
- TH* RULING PASSION.
•WhM are you in torT askod tha
«Mtat lunatic of the new arrival.
w
Hi what she needed.
"WooW Be ActPOM—If you will only
tfv* mo a chance I am aura Z have a
y*at future.
Manarrr—Have It chanced Into a
•at and come ac&ln.
WATERLOOING AN J^tGUMENT.
fe „ •*r*"ic* HcGonigla (harshly) i “No, Da Bourianna, I will not liatanl Da
llrst innin’ * Urday’s gama aaw yar battad far sixty-nins baaaat da aacon’
- *■**•* •M**rd* *•** fbMrt',JBft’ sixt’. aavsnt’, aight’
: mr aint* Imtin’a saw yar nina rati rad In ona, two, t’raa ordar by tha man I jiltad
£ ’•f »•**• •**" ba«h. Da Bourianna O’Donahual Stan’ back, an' don’t ehuok
S; M n# mora bluffs!”
1L
THE DOMINIE’S FORECAST.
After bis sermon the new pastor I
; "The parties who are to be Joined
Wedlock will please present tlfem
>i,M the chancel immediately nft
sainp of hymn 415, ‘Mistaken
i That Dream of Heaven.'"
■
HI* HEART HER*.
Father (to mother In adjoining
room)—What la baby yelling tort
“He wantsyou. dear."
“Well. I haven’t got It Why don’t:
you give It to hlmT“
m * »\ j y
READY FOR AN ENGAGEMENT.
"Mabel. coma up and nee my new
walrt It‘a one of my own conceits.”
“What do you call It?”
“Navy design. You see. I expect It
to be well armed.”
the modern horn op plenty.
"You really ought not to grumble.
Oscar.—Five year* ago you started In
business, four years ago you became
bankrupt, the following year we spent
the whole summer abroad, and this
year you have been nearly poisoned
twice." i
THE NEW GOP. .
“Hen. ye’re blockin' th‘ sidewalk *
throwln' th' dirt on’t."
Laborer—Wfeat'd I do wld th* dlrtT
New Cop—Dl* anotb'r hole an’ trow
•t in.
FAMILY‘DINNER ON A CANNIBAL
EVADING THE ISSUE.
Potm (to youngster fishing on Sun
day)—My boy, I am surprised to find
you Sara
Youngster (Innocently)—Do you know
some plaes where they bite better?
L>T«r
COUpit
W <«A*.or*,
iwauomf r**iT
T*«t5
!*• NtTNAUMl
WQUMt
W>Tt*2.
REALISTIC.
Timmy Tough—Kin iihe sing, Billy?
Billy—Soy, If dat go)I wuz t’ seal*
one ov dem high Jlnt notes at noon de
men wud quit wolk.
-UwAJCSlI
KNEW HIS BUSINE88.
Lady (at the counter)—Wdy do you
cal) this "boys’ flannel?”
Clerk—It shrinks from washing.
money for wind.
Man With a Lew—I have lived to !
see It. My landlord has raised the
rent because he has put In a ventilator.
Talk about the rattle raisers! j
NO COMPLIMENTAEIES.
&£ r _ - . M -
ACQtMl
IZ
ON ANOTHER MISSION.
Frit*—I've been over to Mueller’s.
"Serves you right! I said you mustn’t
play with that Mueller boy."
"I didn't go to play with him. 1
went to lick him."
—
THE ORIGINAL MOVE.
HIT BY THE UTTLS DROP.
"What'a baggs Aorryuic About? Did
he drop a five at poker?"
"No. He put a penny ta a riot ma
chine that had run dr? Ofanm."
AFTER TMtti
Tenor (conducting,^
Why did you ».,it j|
home? Did you cuaM
••33
L / ~ \«=n
HAD EXPERIENCE.
Mother—I wish Richard # wouldn't'
marry that girt, but I aupposa he’ll
have hi* own way.
Father—I reckon he will Just flow,
but It won't happen again.
DIFFERENT.
Swelleaby—So your father asked you
what you taw In me to admire?
Mies Cooley—Oh, nol Me asked me
what I imagined 1 saw.
! —
SPRING WIND THROUGH HIS
RIBS.
“Bah!" said Foss a* he put up his
tamp. "What beastly weather!"
“I have seen better days myself." re
marked the umbrella.
BREAKING THE NEWS.
Husband (anxiously)—Wall, is it a
boy T.
Grandmother—Y«s, George. Ona of
them is.
TIME TO BUY.
Man (with revolvers and a dirk in
bis belt)—Well, what do you want?
Quest and Tourist—Who are youT j
•Tm the waiter. I've come ter your I
order.” '
tr*-2
(to *h# trained boxing
(MIPMgol”
SAFETY AT THE CIRCUS,
Mrs. Punkin (at tho circus)! Ml dunno, Silas, about climbin’ ’way tap so
thsm aoata. Thay look pratty flimsy to me."
Silas Punkini “I guosa they're all right Don’t ya know what thay said In
ths advertisements ■ occurs seats."
IN THE WRONG SHOP.
Lady—I would Uka you to paint njy
portrait with my hat on.
Painter — Good gracious, madam,
you'll have to go to a landscape paint*
or for that.
FINANCIAL DIAGNOSIS.
Medical Understudy—Dr. ADvtw,
has Bpeckham appendicitis? You said
you were urolns to read up on the case.
Dr. Allwlse—Olad you reminded me.
Hand me that last Bradstreet’s.
AN ACCOMMODATING CANDIDATE.
Youth: "Say, mlator, dam fallara ov#r dara ara playin' a 4tateh
ball far two kapa o’ boor, an» day’ra lookin’ far an umpiro."
I-. TMC BRUTE!
•'What ww the trouble with them—
Incompatibility of temper?
‘Tea: he never would get angry
when she waa."
LEM INTOXICATING.
"In my opinion champagne la leas in
toxicating than any other drink.”
"What makes you thi> aoT"
"Because fewer raopla oan afford to
drink it.” ■ .; /
THE SUNSET DIAGNOSED.
"The sun i» vary low, doctor.”
"Tea, Indeed. I don't think It will
last through the night”
X f
MIXED CHRONOLOGY. '
Jimmy—How old art you now, Tom-"
mjr?
To mmy—I dunno. Oa the railroad
rm Always under twelve, but when dad
hired our Oat I waa fifteen 1
THEJIM A JtfAtON.
"Don’t you over net homeetck,
talnT" naked the ' paaaencer on
ocean liner. y,\
"No; I'm never bom* loner
replied tie captain.
QUKMKD IT RIOHT.
“Qadaby hadn't bw aaanfeft
day* befora bla wlfa turnad tMr
on him." _-T
“How many hooka did It havol”