The Richmond Virginian., July 07, 1910, CITY EDITION, Image 5

About The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920

Image provided by: Library of Virginia; Richmond, VA

                
June Days
A CRAZY SPELL.
Tho opera wai “Trovatore."
"Tho’ I no more may hold thee.
Yet la thy name a spell,"
■ang the basso to the prtma donna.
And It was. Her name was Sophronla
Czechllnaklwlcs.
WHAT THE MINISTER NEEDED.
“What do you think of our min
ister?”
“He Is a fine preacher." said the
railroad man, “but he has poor termi
nal facilities"
MODERN CYNICISM.
Interviewer—Well. Diogenes, have
you found an honest man in these
times ?
Diogenes—Sure I have.
Interviewer (incredulously!—y’here?
Diogenes—In the poorhouae.
AILMENT ANO GROUCH.
Penheck—Doctor, 1 have a moat ob
stinate cold.
Doctor (writing prescription)—And
how'* your wife?
“Just the same."
AMONG THE WOOOEN HEADS.
sen
oar
The Effect of Fear Upon—
r,TS2£Xa
Th# Human Hair.
)
SAME THING.
Thlnkaby—I'm In doubt whether or
not to send my boy to college.
Shotterly—Get him a golf outfit, a
football, a rowing machine, a college
yell and a box of cigarettes. Nobody
will know the difference or he either.
WITHOUT DISCOUNT.
Maud Tw«t—How can l ever repay
you for your kindness?
I)t. Knight—With kisses.
Maud Tweet—How much do you val
ue them at?
r>e Knight—TO take them at their
face value
A HIGHER CRITIC.
Master—1 see you’ve got a horseshoe
up there. Pat. I thought you didn't be
lieve In that superstition.
Pat—Bure, an’ I don't sir. But I
have heard that them as don’^ believe
In it gets the best luck.
HE HAD THE IDEA.
Dora—You know the proverb about
people who live In glass houses?
Dick—Yes: It says that they ought
to pull down the blinds.
AT THE MANEUVERS.
Officer of the Day—Repeat your !
orders.
Sentry—On no account to wake the
sergeant, sit!
- » u o1
WHEN THE CUCKOO STRUCK 12.
"Do you know. Ethel. I weally be
lieve I ear read your thought*."
“If you could you wouldn't miss your
train.” _ _ __
EQUIPPED.
Girl From Country—I don't see whet
kind of a place I could get. There
Isn't a single thing I know how to do.
Employment Agent—Very simple.
Just advertise yourself as a maid c‘
all work.
THE HIGH WATER MARK.
Mrs. Robinson—And were you up the
Rhine?
Mrs. De Jones (just returned from a
continental trip)—I should think so;
rlkht to the very top. What a splen
did view there is from the summit!
ANYBODY COULD.
"What a weak chap that Muttly Is.
I believe he could get drunk on wa
ter."
"X know lots of folks who could get
■ drunk on land.”
SPEED THE PARTING.
Parish Doctor:—You can't live much
onger, Dents. Is there anything you’d
Ike, to say?
Denis—Only this, doctor. You’ve
nado a mighty Quick job of It this
lme.
ON AND OFF.
Wobbel—Miss Winnie, will you
anything on tomorrow night?
Miss Winnie—There’s the door.
iff
have
Be
IN HIS OLD VEIN.
Put on the Job of writing up tha
comet, the snake editor turned In this: J
"It Is so many feet long, the longest
ever; has a white head and nebulous
rattles on Its tail.'*
THE REAL ENEMY. 'J|
"Why didn't you come to the dancs
’the other night. Lieutenant Schmidt? :J
I believe you were afraid of all the M
girls you have been engaged to." —~JL3
Lieutenant — No, not them; tlM $
I others.
Abner Junior: "Say, pap, what's that riggin’ you’ve got over my bed theft -
kernected with the pump?" • . j
Abner Senior: "Thet's an antidote, me eon, thet I’ve tinkered up fer thee j
tired feelin’ yew hev mornin'a when I call yer ter help milk!**
POSTING POP.
"Pay. POP. that teacher says a lin- j
gulst is a man who pulls out tongues.” ,
••I’m going to get that chap to treat
your mother.”
MEAN SPIRITED.
A new made widow called at the
office of an Insurance company for the
money due on her husband's policy.
The manager said, ‘T am truly sorry,
madam, to hear of your loss.” ‘ That's |
always the way with you men." said .
she "You are always sorry when a |
, pl1or woman gets a chance to make a ■
little money.”
IT SOUNDED HOPEFUL.
A young man who was not
larly entertaining was mono
the attention of a pretty
with a lot of uninteresting
tlon. ;
“Now. my brother." he remarked
the course of a dissertation
family, "Is Just the opposite of M
every respect. Do you
brother7” _
"No," the debutante replied
ly. "but I should like to!"
mimm
SOMETHING IN THE
“You know a man cant live
“Tell that to the aviator*.*
VERY MUCH PUT OUT.
A pack of paper cigarette* is found by
Tom O'Ho re.
Which little brother Willy knows they
* will not let him share.
Than Willy hao • happy thought, tho
whllo tho amoko eurla highop.
Ho gooo and tolls tho stablemen his
boxoo oro on firs.
Into an empty packing boW than each
ona halpa tha other.
Tom O’Hara and all the boya, axcapt
the little brother.
> <' K'
Thus you may so* how Willy horn a
«hanoa to vsnt hit iro
As on thoir heads, by proxy, ho hoaps
watory coals of flro.
111.
"Now, just you anoakl” cays Tom
O’Haro, "and don’t you atan' doro
oryin’.
If I git out 'or dia horo box I'll aon’ you
homo a-flyin'."
"You may ba old enough,” oaya Bill, “to
amake a eigarotto;
But, dan, you aee, I'm amart enough to
keep out of dap wet.” *
THEY ALL PURCHASED.
Paeeenger (arising): “Hm any on# In h#r« a piece of court plaeter?”
All the Paeeengere: "Nol"
HAD ONE OF THEM.
"Some dawgs has more intelligence
than their masters."
"To be sure they has. I’ve(fcot one
like that meself."
II I
A CREATURE OR HABIT.
Judge (In chamber*, to young limb)
—Young man. you'll never make a
lawyer. I believe if your client was
acquitted you would at once move for
a new trlai
< ■ a,'
Officer (in vole* of authority)! "S*<
hare, you! la that gu* loaded?"
Passenger: "No? Well, I Have here the finest court plater, only 1f
package, and you can't say you are fully supplied.”
SHOWING THE “COP.”
Small Boy i "Wall, now, I forge*
whether I loaded It or not, but I’ll jeet
anap a cap on It ant—