The Jewish advance., June 14, 1878, Image 1

About The Jewish advance. (Chicago, Ill.) 1878-1881

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Execute the Judgment of Troth and Peace in your Gates.
( A WEEKLY JOURNAL DEVOTED TO SOCIAL INTERESTS AND PROGRESSIVE JUDAISM.
Yol. I. " '"’i ’ ~~ CHICAGO. JUKE 14,1878.- . 'ft* - No~l.
SONG.
By Lulu M. W. '
\ Blush, fair West, ns the suit goes down,
And send me happy morrows;
Along the fair lakes' ferns and brakes
Slant all your golden arrows,
Ob, let them s^'^ed Into the east l
Oh, let them fall and quiver 1
"Where she doth stray at breaking day
(Oh, that ’twere I were with her I)
• * And bid them tell her that I wait, . •,<
While twilight shadows darken, '*-• .
' . Where odes the linnet to his mate;
And if she will not hearken,
v Then let them fade along the sky,
And die in dreary token
That Bhe nor smiles nor sighs for me,
;, Nor minds the heart she’s broken I
. . (Chicago Times.)
, -,~!—
MRS. SHODDY
• • , >
vs.
MRS. CHAPKOVSKY,
• ; ‘ v. -- .! . V' i,
INTKQI)POTION, -
It was not a vision but a sight which
look hold of all any mental capacities in,
a fearful manner. Kay, the impression
^havedsonQ^
►atu^Aiiuittw, V-vr ny f-M'can liot. tefi;
Hear it aifcPV je for yourself,, my most
; reader. v
Indulgent
The time was 'eternity ;*• the place,
space; the scene, choas; the actors
were two fighting women ; their weap
ons, the most formidable, tongues ! One
. must have the patronage of all the muses
of Olympus, and of all Saints of the
Homan Calendar, were he to attempt an
.illustration of the particular deeds in
order to depiot the gallantry of the com
batants. I can not boast of any such
patronage, and must confine myself to
the statement of dry facts.
Mrs. Shoddy spoke German with a
pure accent. She formed her sentences
with grammatical skill, although she
found it necessary to insert every now
.and then an English word or a popular
French expression (badly multilated, of
course), - or even a word of Hebrew
origin. Mrs. Chapkovsky spoke in a
dialect of much greater variety. German
English, Polish, Russian, Hebrew and
oven.Sclavonic,expressions gushed like
a stream from her eloquent lips, in
accents which defied description. But
they both spoke fluently and much, and
an strong terms. Their expressions were
sas sharp as arrows, and with equal swift
ness did they fly to the butt. Where
language'could not reach, insinuations
were conveyed by gestures and mimics
,on either side. In brief, one can not
form an idea of the contest unless he
had seen the like with his own eyes. .
.* Mrs. Shoddy said that she was the
ideal of a Jewish lady.
* • Mrs. Chapkovsky said that she was
the ideal of a Jewish lady,
“ Either of them denied the claims of
the other. And they were both so skill
ful with their weapons, that I wish to
——■-71
heaven that neither of them may over
have an opportunity to try her skill on
me. Should fate ordain such a mishap to
befall me, Oh, Jupiter, condescend to let
me know of it beforehand, in order that
time be allowed me to make my will, and
to arm myself with resignation.
If I were a poet I could make capital
of the coutest*between Mrs. Shoddy and
Mrs. Chapkovsky. I could, in the first
place, give them classical names, such,
foi instance, as Helen and Andromache.
It is recoided in the history of designing
that these wilom Grecian ladies spent
their leisure in weaving carpets. Helen
wove in her carpet the designs of all the
battles of which she had been the cause.
Andromache wove in her carpet designs
of flowers and fruits. Now, I could
compare the domestic life of a Jewish
husband with a carpet that is wrought
by the hands of his helpmate. The
husband of my Helen would then stalk
on battles and contests. The happy
companion of my Andromache would
walk upon roses. Thus my story,would
have a grand classical tincture, and I
would, no doubt, be amply romuperatetl
I am “no vpoet‘ and
treat my subject with the poor practical
abilities Providence was pleased to grant
me. Well, be it so, if it can not be
otherwise, as a great llussian philoso
pher was in the habit of saying.
Part I.
Mrs. Shoddy and Hush a/nd ; or, Ham
mer and Anvil.
Jacob Shadetzky was the name of a
happy individual who had imported him
self, name and empty purse on a sailing
vessel to these hospitable shores. He
was a native of Balbirishok, of llussia
Poland, and the youngest brother of a
family in which there had been four
brothers beside him. The Czar, Nicho
las I, of blessed mehiory, needed soldiers
to be slaughtered around Sevastopol. The
Jewish community of Balbirishok was
on the list to procure two brave fellows
from their midst for tlrat laudable pur
pose of their Emperor, and Jacob Sha
detzky had the best chance to be one of
the required two, This most happy
prospect for Jacob was not entirely
suited to the taste of his aged mother,
and as soon as the rumor of a nahor
(draft into the army) was afloat, she
set to work scheming plans through
which her youngest boy should by saved
ftom becoming a soldier. Her first idea
was to make some arrangements with
the city authorities. She went to the
bailiff with the following proposal:
“My Jacob,” she said, “is my youngest
son,' and it would be very hard for me
if he were taken into the army and had
to. lead the rough life of a soldier. But
our emperor needs men to kill the Eng
lish and Frenchmen that came to Crimea.
Now, I suppose a Russian soldier can
i.'S
shoot down three pr four foreigners. I
would persuade my Jacob to kill double
the number, if those foreigners were
brought here, and he be saved the trouble
of going so far from home to perform
this task for our emperor,"
But the bailiff was a hard-hearted
man; he did not consent to enter upon
such agreements, and said that Jacob
would have to go wherever his superiors
would order him. This failure, however,
did not discourage old ICende. She de
vised other means to save her boy from
the army. She resolved that he should
escape into foreign lands. A great deal
of discreation was necessary for carrying
out this plan ; for if anybody outside of
the family circle would become aware
that Jacob intended to fly, he might have
been hindered in his purpose. But what
would a mother not do for her child !
Kende made the sacrifice of holding her
tongue on that subject.''AVhen all pre
parations were made, and JCepde.took
leave of her beloved boy, she dismissed
him with the following remarks : x .
“As soon as you get out of Russia
^ «e<i<3 !¥»• bevafi^:i5us
to hear from you, the"' silence that I mil'
be compelled to keep till I know that
you are out of danger may burst my
heart. I can not advise you what to do
in foreign countries, for I know nothing
about them. My grand-mother, of blessed
memory, was in the habit of saying :
“Where there is work to be done, there
is also bread to be eaten.” So if you
are industrious, you will find your bread
everywhere. I have heard that there is
a country by the name of America,
which is situated beneath our "Own land
just like the ceiling of our room beneath
the floor of the room above. The people
there must, therefore, walk with their
heads suspended in the air. I can not
understand how they do it, but I hope
that if you come to that country, you
will learn to walk like the rest of the
inhabitants. I would only tell you that
when you put on your Tephilin in that
country, you should fasten it on your
head, so that it does not fall into the air
and get lost.”
Trifling as these remarks may seem to
the reader, I have not noted them down
merely for a joke. They express fully the
ideas which our unsophisticated Russian
friends have of the world ; what con
fidence they have in industry and labor,
and how they anticipate the danger
which befalls their religious customs “in
the air” of liberty. The experience of
our hero (or rather, the future husband,
of our heroine) will illustrate the sub
ject.
Jacob had the “propensity” of obe
dience (to use a phrenological phrase).
He always obeyed his mother with a
good will, and in this instance, too, hard
as he felt to part from her, he obeyed
her, and left Balbirisliok without a mur
mur. lie succeeded in smuggling him
self over to Germany. By his willing
ness to work, and his capacity to obey,
he managed to get along very well. He
strayed through Germany, France, and
England, three or four years. ITis views
and notions became a little cultivated
by experience.
At last a benevolent society of London
procured for him a free passage on a sail
ing vessel to America, on condition that
he should work as a sailor during the pas
sage. Some members of that society had
maintained him in London lor some time,
giving him bread toeatand wuterto drink,
every now and then also some cast-off
clothes, for which generosities he laid
only to clean their houses, chop a little
wood, or shovel coal at the dwellings of
those benevolent men.
A few days after his arrival at New
York Jacob Shadetzky had the good fort
une to be recommended to John McAny
thing, Esq., the head of the firm of Me
Anything.Q’SomethingA Co. of Chatham
Street. As Jacob waH a portly fellow and
had a strong^ymaejie^was employed in
■t.hnt. fiHtah. WatoreUa*.
’’as a.crier aflbirdStfi’:1 %‘iibseqnencJy lie ? *,
was promoted to the office of an inside
clerk, and lastly he was raised to the
honorable position of “lecturer.” For the
information of my readers I will state
that the title of “lecturer” is bestowed
on the auctioneers who sell goods at
“Cheap John’s.”
The name of Shadetzky underwent as
considerable a change as its bearer. It
was shortened into Shoddy, to the great
satisfaction of its owner, for the un
fortunate “etzky” fell off, which is of
great disadvantage to many a good, »
honest and industrious fellow.
When Jacob became a clerk of some
note, he began to display marks iof self-'
importance in society, and obtained the
reputation of “a rising man.” Some of
his friends even considered him “a sharp
fellow,” judging by the practical jokes
which he passed off on the audience at
the establishment of his employees. But
Mr. McAnything had a different opinion
of him. <■,.
“Shoddy is a good hand,” he would
say, “he is sober, industrious and honest.
The only thing he needs is a little ‘smart
ness.’ He has no idea how to invent a
business trick or a joke when it is
required. All you hear him say on the
stand is put into his head by myself or
by my partner, Paddy O’Something.
We must watch every movement of his,
that lie should make no,blunder, and we
must train him like a Guild. To our
training he is indebted for his success.
But he is a good hand anyhow, and is
sure to make his mark in our line.”
When Shoddy went out on a Sunday,
donned in his striped pants, variegated
vest, and blue coat, and jewelry trifles
sparkling pneach spot where such things
can be put on, he was the object of