The Frostburg spirit., November 20, 1913, Image 6

About The Frostburg spirit. (Frostburg, Md.) 1913-1915

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
MAKING CLOTHING OF PAPER
Garments Will Not Displace Cotton
and Linen Materials Until They
Resemble Them in Texture.
London, which recently announced
the discovery of economical ways of
making artificial rubber, is the scene
of experiments in paper clothing, re
marks the Chattanooga News. Paper
garments have been made and worn
as curiosities, but they were pasted to
gether and they did not commend
themselves to a climate where rains
fell from time to time. Paper napkins,
towels and handkerchiefs have been
offered to the public, but their intro
duction has been slow. They do not
look enough like the articles they are
designed to replace. Paper garments
will not displace cotton and linen un
til they resemble them in texture.
That is the promising feature of the
London experiments. It is said that a
process has been perfected whereby
paper can be produced that will de
ceive the eye and pass for cotton or
linen fabrics and will hold buttons,
seams and buttonholes. The inventors
hope to be able to produce garments
that will cost no more than the price
for laundering. However, cotton plan
ters are unlikely to take alarm for the
present.
FILE MACHINE SAVES LABOR
By Use of Device Shown in Illustra
tion One Man Is Enabled to Per
form Work of Many.
In these days of centralization and
labor-saving machinery it is about
time for the filing machine invented
by a New Jersey man and shown in
the illustration. With this machine
.
Filing Machine.
one man can do the work of many
and do it much morb accurately and
with the expenditure of comparatively
little energy on his own part. Like
practically all labor-saving devices,
however, this machine ,is operated by
power, all- that, is required of the
workman being that he shall feed it
properly. ' The file is adjusted in a
spindle which is moved rapidly up
and down in the spindle, operated by
a wheel and belt. The work to be
filed is fed against the file on a plate
which can be tilted to any angle de
sired. Of course, any weight file can
be used, and it is easy to change from
one to another.
COMBINED KNIFE AND RULE
Useful and Interesting Combination of
Pocket Tools Shown in Illus
tration Given Herewith.
An interesting combination of
pocket tools is shown in the accom
panying illustration. It is a two
bladed penknife, one side of the han
dle of which, when extended, is a
A Penknife, the Handle of Which Is a
Six-Inch Rule.
six-inch rule, which gives both the
standard and metric systems of meas
urement.
Use for Chinese Queues.
Strange uses are being found for
some of the cues lately cut off in vast
numbers by the Chinese. A British
woolen manufacturer recently re
ceived an offer of five tons of such
hair for weaving into woolen fabrics.
World’s Jade Mine.
The world’s principal jade mine is
In Burrnah, where the privilege of
mining the stone has been in the pos
session of one Indian tribe for many
generations.
Peat Fuel Plants.
Although the United States Is the
richest country in the world in depos
its of peat, none of several peat fuel
plants that have been established has
gone beyond the experimental stage.
Production of Black Plates.
The production of black plates or
sheet tin in 1912 was much the largest
in our history. The year of next larg
est production was 1911.
Sewing Machines Exported.
Sewing machines valued at $10,000,-
*OO were exported from this country
in 1912, more than $4,000,000 worth
going to Europe.
• Improved Fire Place.
A Californian has designed a fire
place that sends out its heat in all
directions above the grate by steel
columns.
OIL CAN IS NON-EXPLOSIVE
Principle Used In Miners’ Lamp#
Adopted for Receptacles Contain
ing Inflammable Liquids.
It is a well-known principle, ana
one commonly used In miners’ lamps,
that a flame cannot pass through wire
gauze or netting to ignite gas on the
other side. This principle has been
adopted for the use of oil cans in
which highly inflammable and easily
volatilized liquids are carried. In the
spout of the can is fitted a wire screen
Non-Explosive Oil Can.
and above this is a disk valve that
closes by gravity. Normally, the valve
cuts off the contents of the can from
contact with the outside atmosphere.
When the can is picked up, the liquid
flows freely through the screen and
through the valve. Not only does the
screen prevent a flame from entering
the can and igniting its contents, but
it also serves to strain the liquid in
the can.—Scientific American.
ORIGIN OF SCREW AND GEAR
Although Little Used Until Middle
Ages Were Known to Ancients—
Some Interesting Points.
Fremont, in his recent work on the
origin of screws and gears, brings out
some interesting points on this sub
ject, remarks the Scientific American.
The Greeks are supposed to have in
vented the screw, but the two Roman
authors, Pliny and Vitruvius, give the
most ancient record we possess on the
subject, although it must certainly
have bene known long before their
time. Certain authors think that the
idea of the screw comes from obser
vation of a natural object of helical
form, such as a gasteropod mollusk,
but Fremont things that it arises from
forms in movement. For instance,
when an edible snail is drawn out of
its shell we have the idea of screw
and nut. Unfortunately, the ancient
records throw scarcely any light on
the subject. The principle of the
screw seems to have been but little
used until the middle ages, when it
was first applied for wine or cigar
presses.
During the first centuries of our era
bolt and nut was replaced by thread-
bolts having a hole containing a
conical pin, so that driving in the pin
increased the pressure; such bolts had
holes spaced along for adapting to dif
ferent thicknesses of material. The
Egyptian noria may account for the
origin of gearing. This seems to have
been a wheel working on a horizontal
shaft and operated by a crank. Along
the wheel surface were cleats for re
taining the bucket chain which de
scended into the well, and in this way
the buckets were raised, one after the
other, full of water. But to drive the
floria by an animal makes a vertical
shaft necessary, and an ingenious per
son may have extended the cleats on
one side in order to make them engage
with a sort of lantern shaped pinion
placed on a vertical shaft.
Common alum melted in an iron
spoon often will mend broken china
and glass.
• i
Horseshoes attached by bolts
around the hoof have been patented
in England.
• *
For many years North Carolina has
been the greatest producer of mica
among the states.
* * *
English engineers claim that enough
coal to last the world 800 years still
is available at Newcastle.
• * *
Sixty miles of thread woven from
the fiber of a species of Italian net
tle weighs but two and a half pounds.
* • *
To save time Tor seamstresses a
Virginia woman has invented a seam
ripping attachment for sewing ma
chines.
* *
The pottery production of the
United States last year, valued at
$36,500,000, was the greatest in the
history of the industry.
• * *
Shoes with quickly removable soles
and heels have been invented by a
Frenchman for railroad men so that
they can escape from danger if their
feet are caught in tracks.
* • *
A new two-wheeled gasoline engine
tractor which may be used to draw'
almost any cultivating implement on
a farm also is equipped to supply
power to stationary machinery.
• • •
Sanitary arguments are advanced
in favor of a new bracket to suspend
a milk bottle against the side of a
house instead of leaving It on a door
step In reach of dogs and cats.
* * *
Lathe tools made of alloys of
cobalt with chromium and other
metals have been found to work sat
isfactorily at speeds greater than la
possible with tools made of high
speed steel.
* * *
A Belgian has invented a method
for cutting metals similar to the
oxygen-acetylene process, but using
hydrogen in place of acetylene in a
double torch, one jet heating the
cutting it with pure oxygen.
DOG DAS OWN FOUR
ROOM APARTMENT
Lives in Greatest Luxury, Taking
Baths and Showers at
Will.
IT SUFFERS INSULT!
Dignity Was Disturbed to the Extent
of Being Dragged by the Nape of
the Neck Into Wire Cage by Com
mon Dog Catcher.
Chicago.—Theo, one of Chicago's
most aristocratic canines, suffered
high insult the other day. Its mis
tress,, Mrs. J. De Vos, who lives in
Grand Boulevard, near Forty-sixth
street, said so. It was taken to the
vulgar pound by one of those* horrid
dog catchers and forced to mingle with
common dogs.
The experience disturbed Theo’s
equipose. The dog’s dignity was dis
turbed to the extent of being dragged
by the nape of the neck into a wire
cage. To recompense the insult Theo
was given a three hour ride in an up
holstered limousine through the
South side parks. Then Theo return
ed ■ home to Theo’s four-room apart
ment.
Yes —get it right—it is Theo’s apart
ment, and it is located at 2402 Powell
park. The fiachelor apartments —which
cost $25 monthly—of Theo are up to
date in appointments. There is a bed
with a downy pillow, white counter
panes and luxurious comforters. There
is a porcelain bathtub with shower
attachment, where Theo takes
“bawths.” The dining room is set off
from a kitchen thorough in its equip
ment, and a pantry full of delicacies.
While Theo slept peacefully the oth
er night in bed the mistress sat un
sleeping near him, fearful lest her pet
be stolen. When a reporter arrived
at Theo’s apartment Mrs. De Vos an
swered the knock, but did not open
the door.
“There is absolutely nothing to say,”
she said. “Theo was horribly Insult
ed. This morning he was within a
stone’s throw from his own threshold,
and I had removed his muzzle. He is
a 30 pound registered English bull
- i
7# &i
T&
The Rude Person Grabbed Theo by
the Neck.
terrior, and that horrid dog catcher
recognized his value. Without any
cause whatsoever the rude person
grabbed Theo by the neck and lifted
him into a dog catcher’s wagon.
“I called a taxicab and went direct
ly to Mayor Harrison. I tell you, I
know the law, and I am always right.
I know' just whom to go to, and I
showed them my rights. Mayor Har
rison sms not in, so I told Abe Merin
baum, the pardon clerk, that Theo
was no ordinary dog, and had been
across the ocean three times. He re
ferred me to Chief McWeeny and I
obtained Theo’s release. I didn’t have
to pay a cent. Then I got the best
limousine I could find and gave Theo
a ride all the afternoon. Then I
brought him to his apartment.”
“His apartment?” asked the re
porter.
“Yes, his apartment. We maintain
this apartment for him alone.
"As I said, brought him to his apart
ment and gave him a bath in his own
bathroom. He certainly needed it aft
er being in there with those common
dogs. Then I prepared him some food
on his kitchenet and served it in his
dining room. He is sleeping now, and
can’t be disturbed.”
GAMBLE OVER A SYNAGOGUE
"Worshipers” Take to Fire Escape
When Police Arrive—No Ar
rests Are Made.
New York.—lnspector Gillen receiv
ed word that a well-known gambler
was at work in a hall at Twenty-ninth
street and Eighth avenue. The in
spector and Sergeant Leibold found
the place w’as a synagogue. There
wore rooms on the third floor, and
Leibold asked a gray-bearded care
taker If anybody was upstairs.
“There’s a man holding a religious
meeting there,” he was told.
The policemen went to the third
floor, where Leibold looked through
a transom and saw a man mounted
on a soap box dispensing slips to a
hundred or more men.
Gillen knocked on the door with his
revolver, and when he threatened to
blow the lock off the door was opened.
When the man opened the door the
room was empty. Leibold rushed to
the fire escape and found It crowded
with men. All were allowed to go, in
cluding the slip dispenser.
The policemen gathered up two
bushels of racing tickets and some
money that had been dropped by the
gamblers.
THE FROSTBURG SPIRIT, FROSTBURG, MD.
BOY KILLS SISTER
IN MIMIC BATTLE
“Playing Indian,” He Shot the
Little Girl Through the
Heart.
Denver, Colo.—" Playing Indian”
with his eight-year-old sister, Pauline,
at noon the other day, Eugene Green
stead, eleven years old, of 1214 Ninth
street, pointed a 30-30 rifle at her and
pulled the trigger. There was an ex
plosion and the bullet pierced the
heart of the little girl, killing her in
stantly.
Mrs. Josephine Greenstadt, the
mother, a widow, heard the discharge
of the rifle and the shriek of the boy,
and rushed into the room where the
children had been at play. A glance
disclosed the dead child, and hysteri
j |
fra?
v z)
The Child Was Instantly Killed.
cally she ran to the neighbors, sum
moning assistance. They pacified her
and the broken-hearted brother, while
others notified the coroner.
The children had been “playing In
dian’’ all morning around the house,
and the boy found the rifle that had
been, carried by his father. It had
been packed away in a trunk through
which his mother had been rummaging.
Brandishing it in his hand, he told his
sister that he was a real Indian and
would defend himself. In play the
child ran from him, picking up a toy
cap pistol to carry out the game. He
called to her to stop. She turned and
pretended to plead with him. Then
he raisel the rifle, pointed it directly
at her, and pulled the trigger, little
suspecting that it was loaded.
The child was Instantly killed, as
the bullet tore through the heart.
The family has lived in the Ninth
street house only a short time.
THOUGHT HE V/J AS A COUNT
How “Count Von de broch” Made Way
With a Chicago Girl’s
Valuables.
New York. —Miss Alice Wiiking, a
pretty Chicago girl who arrived the
other day by the liner Prinz Friedrich
Wilhelm, was asked by the ship news
reporter if she had met any members
of the nobility while abroad.
“Yes,” said Miss Wiiking, “I met a
count in Paris and he stole my hand
bag. At least he said he was a count.
Here is his card.”
She showed a visiting card bearing
the name Count von de Broch.
“You see, it was this,” said Miss
Wiiking, who was accompanied by her
mother, who declared it was all true.
“I was rushing for the St. Lazare "Sta
tion to catch the Kaiser Wilhelm 11.
when It happened. We were staying
at the Hotel Tivoli and I stopped to
pay the hill while mother went on to
the station.
“Time was short when I came out
and I rushed about looking for a taxi
cab. I was" laden with bags and bun
dles and when a very polite and well
dressed gentleman stepped up to as
sist me I was glad to let him. He
handed me his card in a very polite
way and then succeeded in hailing a
taxi for me.
“He bundled me In and as I thought,
gave all my bags to the driver. When
I got to the station I was horrified
to find that my pet handbag, contain
ing our steamship tickets and money,
was missing. We had to cancel our
passage and cable for funds to get
home with. I told the police about it,
but they could do nothing. Of course,
I don’t know whether he was a real
count or not, but he was a very ex
pensive porter, anyway.”
OUTRUNS TRAIN; GETS WAGES
Section Hand Sprints Six Miles on
Ties In Overtaking the
Pay Car.
Hammond, Ind. —-Joe Delge L a sec
tion hand, and sometimes a foot racer,
too.
Joe wields a pick and shovel for the
Nickel Plate road, and the other day
was pay day. But Joe didn’t try any
sprinting to reach the pay car, and,
just as he arrived at the depot here,
the train > with the pay car attached
pulled out toward Chicago.
Joe took one look at the receding
train and then started hitting it off
on the ties after it Six miles north,
and across the Illinois line, the train
stopped for water. About six minutes
later Joe came puffing up. He de
manded his pay and got It.
He had $1.12 coming. He had drawn
a little in advance last month, he
said, pocketing the check and start
ing back to Hammond on a dog trot
Cause of Sex Plays.
New York. —“Sex plays are the re
sult of the prevailing evil fashions In
women’s dress,” said Bishop Edward
W. Osborne of Springfield, 111., in a
sermon to actors in the church of the
Transfiguration here. “When women
get back to decent clothing our sex
plays and sex problems will be set
tled.”
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP,
SIiJ6_SLIPPERS
“Bold Boy Bandits” Are Beaten
by Parents and Good Willie
is Glad.
TWO DREW REVOLVERS
New Jersey “Gang" Participated In a
Wild Western Escapade in a Raid
on the Quiet Village of Maywood
and Suffer Penalty.
Hackensack, N. .1. —Sixteen slippers
in sixteen representative Hackensack
homes were put into action the other
evening when as many parents learn
ed that their young sons had partici
pated in a wild western escapade in
a raid on the quiet village of May
wood. Here they discovered little Wil
lie O’Connell, ten years old, wearing a
cowboy suit. William is the son of
William A. O’Connell, a New York
lithographer and printer, and is a well
behaved boy.
“At him, boys!” was the command
from the “gang” leaders, Lester
Thompson, John Cronin, Gerald Giles
and Danny Jeffers, a son of Commis
sioner D. G. Jeffers, and the would-be
“bandits,” armed with clubs and re
volvers with blank cartridges, pounced
upon defenseless little Willie. He
cried and his dog barked, and then
Willie’s mother appeared on the scene.
“I’ll send for the police!” called
Mrs. O’Connell.
“Go and call ’em! We’ll meet ’em,
all right*!” yelled back the boys.
Two drew their revolvers and aimed
them at Mrs. O’Connell. Then they
threatened to shoot the dog.
At this stage Mrs. O’Connell decided
it time to telephone to the Hacken
sack police, and Detective Earle hur
ried to the rescue on his bicycle. He
discovered the boys in the woods on
Summit avenue, and one of them dis
covered him.
“Cheese it, fellers! Scoot! There’s
a cop!” yelled the scout on picket
duty,' and the boys scooted.
Earle caught several and soon had
the names of the band of sixteen. He
also learned that the “band of ban-
Wo
“I’ll Send for the Police!” Called Mrs.
O’Connell.
dits” had lassoed Laddie Kinzley, a
son of Joseph Kinzley, of Lookout
avenue, as he was riding his bicycle,
and, throwing him to the ground, took
his wheel away with them, one of the
leaders mounting it.
The “boy bandits” have a hut in a
tree on Euclid avenue, and Earle had
trouble climbing the tree to see wljat
was on the inside. Toy pstols, hand
made swords, air rifles and a box of
apples were found.
SELECTS OWN BURIAL PLACE
Wandering Tinsmith, Thought to Be
P<A>r, Leaves Small Fortune
at His Death.
Minneapolis, Minn.—Edgar Allen
Sloane, a wandering tinsmith, who
has made his headquarters for the
last ten years in Minneapolis, has
been buried at Lisbon, N. D., where
several months ago he chose a spot
as his final resting place. A will left
by Sloane directs that the First Bap
tist church of Minneapolis shall re
ceive SIO,OOO of his estate, that $4,000
shall go to a theological school in
Manitoba and that relatives in the
east shall receive the rest.
Sloane, who was knpwn because of
his desire to roam about the country,
was believed to be a poor man. He
met death recently under the wheels
of a train at Beaumont.
HIS LOOT CURED THIS THIEF
Egg Stealer Compelled to Live Five
Days Exclusively on Hen
Product
Marion, O. —“I hope to God I never
see another egg,” ejaculated E. D.
Brant, on being released from the lo
cal lockup, where for five days he had
been on a diet exclusively of eggs.
Brant was arrested for extracting
hen products from poultiy houses in
the town. Mayor Claude Brant suited
the punishment to the crime and sen
tenced the prisoner to five days in the
lockup and to eat nothing but his
stolen eggs.
L_
Her Husband Meanest Man.
Marion, O. —“I married the meanest
man in the world,” declared Mrs. Wil
liam Dixon, a prominent society wom
an in her suit for divorce. “I never
knew of one before who would take
his children’s Christmas toys, and even
the candy given them, and sell them to
get money to fritter away on other
women. Why, he would even take the
pennies our friends would give them
and spend them for his own selfish
pleasures.”
GOOD l\M
JOKES }
THE REASON.
His Aunt —Why did your father lick
you?
Claude —’Cos he’s bigger than I am,
I guess.
Too Late.
He waits for Opportunity
To knock upon his door;
If e’er she does, she’ll prob’bly And
Him dead upon the floor.
Made No Difference.
Two women mutually confiding their
grouches. One woman, a sweet little
soul; the other, a self-assertive body.
“You can’t think how this high cost
of living affects us,” confessed the
one. “Why, my bills for clothes alone
are more than twice as large this
year as they were last year.”
“Mercy!” gasped the other. “I don’t
see how your husband can afford it!”
. “That’s the answer —he can’t,” re
butter the first. “But he couldn’t af
ford it last year. So what’s the dif
ference?”
Bright Side.
“He always tries to see the bright
side.”
“What’s happened?”
“He was run down by an automo
bile yesterday and almost killed, yet
tho first thing he said when he re
gained consciousness was, ‘Gee whiz!
after fifteen years I’ve got a chance
to cash in on an accident policy!”’
Logical Results.
“Boss,” complained the famous
twirler, “I’m all run down!”
“I don’t wonder,” sharply answered
the manager of the team. “You’ve
been trying to save your arm by pitch
ing without winding up.”
TALKS ALL THE TIME NOW.
'
Henderson —My little daughter is
two years old and can hardly talk.
Henpeck—Don’t get scared. My
wife was four years old before she
could say a word, and look at her now.
Sure.
The church may get a frequent dime,
But Satan never hollers;
For he knows .that most of the time
He gets his toll In dollars.
Sympathetic.
“Did you attend the suffragette
meeting, Mrs. Winter ”
“Oh, yes, Mrs. Gadson, but I’m
afraid I was not en rapport.”
“I’m so sorry. I was telling Henry
only the other day that this hot
weather is going to make everybody
sick.” ,
Those Days Are Over.
“That young Englishman who came
over recently showed me a funny sight
today.”
“What was that?”
“Showed me a trunkful of glass
beads he brought over to trade to the
Indians.”
Easy to Believe.
“Statistics say there are 70,000,000,-
000 people in the world. Seems in
credible, eh?”
“Not to me. I think I tipped fully
that many while on my vacation trip.’*’
Naturally.
“I told the actress that her face
was made up horribly.”
“What did she do?”
“She changed countenance.”
Every Comfort.
“Sim Waffle certainly runs an en
terprising store.”
“How now?”
“Sets out cushioned crates fer the
loafers to roose on.”
Singular.
“Here is a rather unusual story of a
disaster written by a young newspa
per man.”
“Why is it unusual?”
“He doesn’t refer a single time to
‘Deaths grisly toll.’ ”
Genius.
“All the master minds are not at the
head of great industrial enterprises.”
“No?”
“I’ve just been reading about a
man who led a double life on a salary
of' sl2 a week.”
Turned Down.
Kloseman —Sorry to refuse you, old
man, but my money likes company.
Borrows —What do you<mean?
Kloseman —It can’t bear to be a
loan. —Boston Evening Transcript
DARKEST AFRICA.
The lovers lingered long. At their
feet the noble Zambesi hurried on
ward to the sea. It was in Darkest
Africa, but they were not afraid of the
dark.
“No,” she was cooing, softly but
firmly, “I cannot marry you on any
other terms. Papa says I’m worth
three yoke of oxen and a tame ele
phant, and I cannot become your wife
for any less.”
“All I have in the world,” he pro
tested wildly, “is one yoke of oxen.”
For a moment no sound was heard
save the ripple of the water. She first
broke silence.
“I think —” Her voice trembled, and
her glance was bent shyly upon the
ground.
“ —Papa is willing to let me be a
sister to you for one yoke of oxen.”
But he only groaned.— Puck.
A Painful Reminiscence.
“Yes,” confessed the imprisoned
confidence man. “I have had moments
of deep regret. I remember on the
occasion of my first arrest—l was
barely nineteen years old —” He
paused for a moment.
“Yes?” put in the good old clergy
man, sympathetically.
“I was bitterly disappointed to find
that not a single newspaper referred
to me as ‘young in years but old in
crime.’ ” —Puck.
ACCOMMODATED HIM.
Prisoner —Judge, I’d like to have
little time to think this over.
Magistrate - All right. Three
months. Next case.
Do Their Own Talking.
Now graphophones are pretty goofl
To have upon one’s shelves,
In such lines, be it understood,
The goods speak for themselves.
A Good and Valid Reason.
“I wish this fellow wouldn't send
you so many chocolates,” said the
other suitor.
“Why?” simpered the girl. “Are§
you jealous?”
“No; but I prefer to eat marshmal
lows.”
Appropriate.
“Dilks is one of those facetious fel
lows who, instead of saying he’s hg,d
his lunch, invariably says he’s bad his
‘beans.’ ”
“No matter what he really did eat?”
“Yes. And while I hate slang, in a
case of this kind I don’t think it would
be much of an exaggeration to call
Dilks’ head a ‘bean.’ ”
By His Wit No Longer.
“Say, what’s Bill Smithers doing
now? Still living by his wit, as he
always did, huh?”
“Nope. Bil’s made a change for him
self and settled down to hard work.
Runs the funny column in the After
noon Squeak.”
Bound to Be.
“I see where a man makes a good
living writing obituary notices.”
“Umph! I dare say he’s a facile
liar.”
“Sure. Otherwise he couldn’t live
up to his favorite motto.”
“And what is that?”
“ ‘De mortuis nil nisi bonum.’ ”
So Light.
“Miss Gadders,” said the young
man, tentatively, “if I should stumble
and fall into this would you be
alarmed?”
“Oh, no, Mr. Blathers,” answered
the young woman, with a yawn. “Your
head would keep afloat.”
Matrimonial Amenities.
He (during the quarrel)—Then, by
your own account, I didn’t tell you a
single truth before we were married.
She —You did one; you said you
were unworthy of me.
Impossible.
“Your conduct should always be
open with your wife.”
“How can I be when she is always
shutting me up?”
The Humorist’s Wife.
“Before I submit them to the ed
itors I let my wife read over all the
jokes I write,” said the humorist to
the inquiring friend. “The bad ones,
of course, I don’t send, and thus
save stamps.”
“What an odd process! I thought
it was settled that woman has no
sense of humor. Your wife must be
a treasure.”
“She is. The ones she doesn’t see
the point to I have a standing con
tract for from three magazines at $5
apiece.”
Not a New One.
“The English have made a paradoxi
cal discovery about the suffragettes.”
“What is that?”
“That they can’t silence them bj
shutting them up.”
A .Mistake.
“That old proverb was wrong,” said
the baseball umpire, bitterly.
“How so?”
“It should have been that you
can’t touch a pitcher without being
reviled.”