The Frostburg spirit., December 11, 1913, Image 3

About The Frostburg spirit. (Frostburg, Md.) 1913-1915

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
DEBATE ON FLOODS
RANSDELL AND NEWLANDS IN
RADICAL DISAGREEMENT AS
TO CONTROL METHODS.
CONGRESS IS ASKED TO ACT
Louisiana Man Favors Levees and Is
Supported by Head of Mississippi
River Commission—Nevada Sena
tor Urges Reservoirs.
By GEORGE CLINTON.
Washington.—United States Sena
tors Joseph E. Ransdell of Louisiana
and Francis G. Newlands of Nevada,
both Democrats, disagree radically as
to the governmental methods to be
employed to control the floods and to
regulate and control the flow of nav
igable streams in the aid of interstate
commerce. There were sharp discu%
sions of the question involved at the
tenth annual convention of the Na
tional Rivers and Harbors congress,
which has just met in Washington.
The whole subject of Mississippi
river improvement and the prevention
of the floods which have devasted the
Mississippi valley in recent years is
Involved in this matter of difference
between two senators of the United
States, both of whom apparently are
trying to reach the same end by en
tirely different means. Congress has
been asked to act and the debate on
the subject, especially as it affects the
Mississippi valley, will perhaps be
sharper in the senate than it was at
the meeting of the delegates of the
waterways congress.
Col. C. McD. Townsend of the Unit
ed States engineer corps is the chair
man of the Mississippi river commis
sion. Apparently he is opposed ut
terly to Mr. Newlands’ plan, which
would provide for flood prevention and
protection by means of huge reser
voirs for water storage purposes and
the protection of water sheds from de
nudation and erosion. Colonel Town
send seemingly, therefore, is opposed
to plans which have received the en
dorsement of the conservationists who
would have reforestation and forest
fire protection go hand in hand with
the work of flood prevention.
Colonel Townsend’s Views.
In writing on the subject, partic
ularly as it relates to the Mississippi
river, Colonel Townsend says:
“While of the opinion that levees af
ford the only practicable method of
controlling the floods of the Missis
sippi river, I desire to state that I am
strongly in favor of both reforesta
tion and reservoir construction, but
limited to the purposes for which they
are adapted, just as I am in favor of
re-enforced concrete for small bridges,
though not considering it applicable to
one spanning the lower Mississippi
river.”
In the opinion of this engineer offi
cer, the control of the lower Missis
sippi by reservoirs is impracticable, if
not impossible, although he says there
are numerous smaller streams where
reservoirs can be used with excellent
results. He adds:
“The systematic conservation and
regulation by the Federal government
of the river from its source to its
mouth sounds most attractive, sug
gesting the scientific solution of every
problem of river hydraulics, but in
stead I greatly fear that it is the voice
of the siren luring the people to an
open pork barrel for every stream in
the United States.”
Ransdell Is for Levees.
It 'is probable that Senator Ransdell
represents the view of the people of
the lower Mississippi section and in
part the views of people of other sec
tions. His belief is that the matter
must be kept in the main stream dur
ing the flood times and that it can be
kept there if the proper levees are
built. \
The Newlands scheme is set forth in
a bill in congress upon which the
voluminous report has been pre
pared and published. The Newlands
measure is called a bill “To create a
board of river regulation and to pro
vide a fund for the regulation and
control of the flow of navigable river
in the aid of interstate commerce, and
as a means to that end to provide for
flood prevention and protection and
for the beneficial use of flood waters
and for water storage and for the pro
tection of water sheds from denuda
tion and erosion and from forest fires
and for the co-operation of govern
ment services and bureaus with each
other and with states, municipalities
and other local agencies.”
This is a broad bill. Its opponents
think that the plan involved would re
quire too much time and “too many
hands at work,” and that results can
be reached more quickly and more
cheaply by what they call more di
rect methods. The Newlands bill
provides for a government appropria
tion of $50,000 each year for ten years,
making a total of $500,000,000.
It is said that the printed price
lists of what holiday dinners were
to cost this dinner were respon-
Wit From the Bench.
Characteristic remarks of Judge
McPherson in federal court:
“That man with a hat on back
there —do you keep your hat on be
cause you want to show your con
tempt for this court? Some people
i come into this courtroom as though
they were going to a Water street
dance. I don’t like it.”
“Is this court in session on Satur
day? Yes, sir; H is. My observation
is that only dudes and colored men
declare a half holiday on Saturday."—
iDes Moines Capital.
Valorous.
“How can you doubt my love?” said
George. “Did I not promise to do
anything for you, even fight a wild
beast, if yea say so?"
“Well, there’s your chance. Here’s
(father coming now.”
Slow Worker.
“I had to discharge my press agent.”
"What was the trouble?”
“He was sc lazy. Why, all he ever
idid was to add three ciphers to the
isalary I’m getting.” i
sible directly for the proposal co
have another government inquiry into
the high cost of living. The attorney
general already is looking into the
high cost matters along various lines
of supposed least resistance, and be
fore the winter is ended it is proba
ble that a committee of congress or
an authorized commission will at
tempt to find out why prices are fly
ing so high. A legislative attempt
probably will be made to bring the
prices down tumbling.
It was Senator Smoot, Republican,
of Utah, who first took hold of the holi
day chance to take a rap at the claim
of the Democrats that the tariff and
some other things would help out the
purse of the purchaser.
The Utah man probably thinks as
the Democrats do, that the tariff law
has not yet had a chance to prove
anything in a price way, because it
has been in operation such a compara
tively short time, but a political op
portunity ought not be lost even if it
comes in connection with a holiday
supposed to be devoted to prayer and
praise. At any rate, the Republicans
of course, do not think that there is
much occasion for thanksgiving in
days of Democratic supremacy.
Blames Cold Storage.
Representative McKellar of Tennes
see, who is a Democrat, is one of
the leading proponents of the cause
of the investigation into the high
price matters generally. The Ten
nesseean apparently thinks that
the cold storage houses are re
sponsible in large part for the ad
vanced cost of many food products.
Mr. McKellar’s thought is in no wise
new. The cold storage question has
been discussed in congress and but of
it time after time. It is believed, ap
parently, by all of those who suspect
the cold storage plants of boosting
the price of things, that the ultimate
cost is an almost forbiddingly high one
because so much money has been put
out in intermediate transactions. This
question will be gone into specifically
by the Democratic board of inquiry,
if it gets authorization to go to work.
. Congressmen, and others, too, for
that matter, have been told that men
go through the country districts in
the spring buying up eggs for say 14
cents a dozen; that these eggs are
then turned over to a dealer for say
16 cents, who turns them over to an
other dealey, a storage man, on a
small scale, for an advanced price,
and he finally turns them over to the
big concerns which can afford to hold
them for seven or eight months, and
sell them for three or four times their*
original cost.
Of course the Democratic inquiry
will concern itself with other things
than eggs. Butter, beef, vegetables
and fruit are higher today than ever
they have been and the housewife
does not find it necessary to read such
a government report as that published
recently to prove that providing
breakfast, luncheon and dinner for
the family is a costly operation. To
day they are selling three fairly good
apples in Washington for 25 cents.
This was the price of a peck of ap
ples not many years ago. “Other
things in proportion,” as the man said
who was sitting down to breakfast
alone, ordered a two pound steak.
The desire to rest is just as
strong with the president as it
is with any member of congress. Mr.
Wilson wants to get away from Wash
ington, and so does every man on the
big hill, from the speaker down to the
smallest page boy in either house.
Vice-President Marshall, has had a va
cation and a good many of the repre
sentatives have taken theirs “without
leave.” The president, however, ha 3
had to curb his longings, for he
learned through many years as a pupil
and as a teacher how to stay in after
hotirs.
New Year’s Reception Cancelled.
The New Year’s reception, the only
great wholly public reception of the
year at the White House, has been
done away with by executive order, or
what is equivalent to such an order.
The President is tired out and he is
going south to spend a part of the
holiday season if congress .takes a re
cess. The canceling of this White
House reception led to a good deal of
comment, but there is nothing definite
to -prove that a reception may not be
held next year. Many presidents want
ed to do away with , these receptions,
but none of them has felt that he was
justified in cutting out the function
on the one day of the year when all
people without special invitations
could come in to shake the hand of
the chief executive and to catch a
glimpse of the glories of the interior
of the great house.
At one time the president thought
of going to Panama during the Christ
mas holidays, but this plan has been
given over because the Panama trip,
if he wanted to see the canal in all
its parts, would probably consume
three weeks and to take so much time
would keep him away from Washing
ton during at least a week of the de
liberations of the lawmakers.
Some of the Democrats in congress
are rancorous enough to say that if
Mr. Wilson had not been at the outset
in such a schoolmaster mood about
getting the currency bill passed the
measure would have gone through long
ago.
A Distant Prospect.
"You have a very fine view from
here, my friend,” said the tourist.
“Aye,” replied the guide, “we can
sometimes see a long way.”
“Ah, I suppose you can see America
when it’s clear?”
“Farther than that,” replied the
guide, without a smile.
“What?”
“Yes; if you will just wait a while
you’ll see the moon.”—Sketch.
Unfeeling.
Wife —Hadn’t I better call at the
registry office while I’m down town
and see about getting a nurse for
baby?
Husband (the brute) —Why not go
as far as the labor exchange, dear,
and get him a night watchman?—
Weekly Telegraph.
Both Heroes.
The Major—And there we stood,
Miss Ethel, in the heart of the jungle,
that huge panther and I, barely ten
paces apart, each staring at the face
of the other.
Ethel —Oh, major, how dreadful for
you both—Punch.
FAITHFUL DOG DEAD !
AFTER LONG WATCH
Day in n and Day Out “Shep”
Watched at Dead Master’s
Bank Building.
Anaconda, Mont. —Shep, the dog
that has waited in front of the Daly
bank eix long years for his master,
is dead. He was run over by an au
tomobile and so seriously injured that .
he was shot.
Six years ago Shep’s master, a sheep
herder, went to Anaconda after a sea
son on the range. He took the dog
with him. Shep waited outside the
bank while his master went inside
to cash a check. While inside the
man was stricken with apoplexy,
placed on a stretcher and taken to a
hospital in an ambulance. i
It did not look natural to Shep, ■
but he followed the ambulance to the
hospital and waited outside for sev- <
DINK 11 | ;
Kept a Constant Vigil.
eral days. The master died a few
hours after reaching the hospital.
Shep saw the funeral procession, but
it was unusual and he still waited.
Then he remembered that his master
had gone into the bank the last time
he had actually seen him, so he went
there and curled up on the front steps
and waited. For months he would
look up expectantly every time some
one came out of the building, but his
hopes began to wane. In spite of this
he kept a constant vigil and had made
the front of the bank his home for six
years, only leaving long enough to get
something to eat.
He grew old and deaf during his
long wait. Each year President E. J.
Bowman of the bank paid his tax to
the city, but he still waited for the
sheep herder, who did not. come out. of
the bank. For the last few months
Shep had been stiffening with age so
fast that it was an effort for him to
walk. Then a flying automobile struck
him and broke his back.
SHE “RAISED” HER HUSBAND
Hopes for Better Luck With Youth
Than First Mate, Forty Years
Her Senior.
Kansas City, Mo.—“lf you want a
model husband, raise him. Teach
him not to stay out at night and have
him help with the house work.”
That is the advice Mrs. Louis
Smith, forty-two years old, gave the
other day after she had been married
to Louis Smith, aged twenty-two. “I
know my husband is all right, because
I raised him myself,” said Mrs. Smith.
This is Mrs. Smith’s second matri
monial venture. Her first husband
was forty years older than she, and
she says he did not turn out well.
Her former name was King. Louis
Smith came to live at the King home
when he was fourteen. The woman
cared for the lad as a mother. Then
her husband deserted her.
Mrs. Smith says Louis first began
to love her two years ago.
, “‘Will you marry me?’, he asked
me,” said Mrs. Smith.
“ ‘No, Louis, you are too young,’
says I.
“ ‘Will you marry me when I am
of age?’ says he.
“I said yes, for I like that boy,”
smiled Mrs. Smith.
GIRL WHIPS HER FATHER
Buffalo Young Woman Resented Pa’s
Curt Dismissal of Young
Man Caller.
Buffalo, N. Y.—John Hoolihan, who
lives at the foot of South Michigan
street, did not like the looks of a
young man who called on his daugh
ter the other night and chased him
away.
After he had gone, Hoolihan, ac
cording to the police, scolded the girl.
She stood his talk for a few minutes
and then bounced a wooden potato
masher on his head. The old man
went down for the count.
When he revived he complained to
the police that he had been slugged
In his own house. Detectives Mur
phy and Ryan took him to the Emer
gency hospital where his cuts were
dressed. Afterwards he was taken to
the Franklin street station and made
a statement. He wanted somebody
arrested, but he did not know whom.
Dies in Peculiar Manner.
Sharon, Pa. —Seized with a dizzy
spell while washing dishes, Anna
Bruce, fourteen, daughter of a wealthy
dairyman of Hickory, fell and was
strangled to death when her head slip
ped into the loop of a harness repair
ing strap that was hanging on the
wall.
Out of Season.
Chicago.—With the city beaches
crusted with snow, the city council
met to define what is naughty and
what is proper in woman’s bathing
I costumes.
THE FROSTBURG SPxRIT, FROSTBURG, MD.
WOMAN AGENT OUT
ARGUESAROBBER
Ticket Seller Refuses Demands
of Holdup Man Who Threat
ens Her Life.
CALLED THE POLICE
While the Argument Progressed She
Calmly Sold Tickets to a Score of
Passengers Who Entered the Sta
tion, Keeping Nerve to End.
Chicago.—For half an hour the oth
er day Miss Elizabeth Lilley argued
with a robber not to kill her.
While the argument progressed she
calmly sold tickets to a score of pas
sengers who entered the East Thirty
first street station of the Illinois Cen
tral railroad.
Miss Lilley won the argument, the
holdup man departed without the
money from her cash drawer and with
out shooting her.
The robber appeared at Miss Lil
ley’s window and pointed a revolver at
her.
“Come across with that money or
I’ll shoot your head off,” he com
manded.
“Please don’t shoot me?’ pleaded
Miss Lilley.
“Well, give me the money, then.”
Two men came into the station at
this point and bought tickets, the
robber concealing his weapon after
whispering to Miss Lilley that he
would kill her if she signaled to the
patrons that her life was in danger.
“Now, come across!” the man de
manded when the coast was clear.
Miss Lilley tossed him $2.25 in silver.
He threw it on the floor in disgust and
flourished his revolver menacingly.
“Give me those bills. I know you
have got a lot of them. Hurry or I’ll
shoot you. I mean what I say.”
“If you shoot me you will hang for
it,” the young woman argued. “You
can’t have the money. It doesn’t be
long to me.”
So the argument proceeded, the rob
ber becoming more and more enrag
ed and the young woman more and
more insistent. Several times they
were interrupted by patrons entering
and buying tickets.
“You can’t have the money and if
you shoot me you will be caught, for
there are hundreds of people around
here,” Miss Lilley finally said. The
robber, convinced, pocketed his re
“ Now, Come Across!”
volver and walked out. As soon as he
was gone Miss Lilley called up the
police, but by the time they arrived
the disappointed holdup man had dis
appeared.
“I don’t know how I managed to
keep from screaming,” Miss Lilley said
later at her home at 5021 Lake Park
avenue. “I just knew I had to keep my
nerve, I guess.”
RATS HOLD SWAY ON ISLAND
Entire Population Is Threatened With
Extermination—Rodents Even
Attack Cattle.
Tokio.—The entire population of
the small island of Nakashima of the
Ten islands group in southern Japan
has been threatened with extermina
tion by a veritable plague of rats.
Nakashima is inhabited by a dozen
families, all engaged in agriculture.
The rodents increased there at such
an enormous rate that- they absolutely
took possession of the island, ravag
ing the farms and devastating the
crops, and actually attacking cattle
and other live stock.
The killed or captured
5,000 of them, but not before tljey had
lost all their provisions. The authori
ties were forced to save them from
starvation. Meantime a campaign was
organized from without to exterminate
the rodents. This was a difficult mat
ter, as they had burrowed retreats in
all parts of the island.
Drunken Men Tell the Truth.
Boston. —Although no one suggested
that whisky be used to cure the lying
habit, Edwin P. Mulready, chief pro
bation officer, says that nearly all
drunkards tell the truth. He based
his assertion on the fact that out of
86,000 cases of drunkenness entered
on the police blotters 77,000 told the
truth in every instance.
Overdose of Peanuts Fatal.
Greene, Me. —William Philbrooke, a
farmer and prominent citizen of this
town, dropped dead bn a street in Lew
iston, from acute indigestion brought
on by eating peanuts while attending
a football game.
Chambermaids Strike.
Bay City, Mich. —Refused an in
crease in wages, chambermaids in the
largest hotel here went on strike, af
ter dismantling all the guests’ beds.
USE EMPTY COFFIN
AS LIFE PRESERVER
Morgue Keeper and Boy Strug
gling in Strong River Current
Saved From Drowning.
New York. —An empty coffin wat
the means of saving the lives of Sam
uel Kessler, six years old, of 532 Easi
One Hundred and Twentieth street,
and his rescuer, John Moran, keeper
of the Harlem morgue, late the other
afternoon, when the boy fell into the
Harlem river at the foot of East One
Hundred and Twentieth street.
Samuel, with some of his playmates,
was playing on the pier with a dog,
throwing sticks into the water for the
animal to retrieve. The dog got tired
of leaping into the water after a time,
so Samuel seized him and tried to
throw him in. The dog caught hold
i;
After a Struggle, Moran Was Able to
Reach the Coffin.
of the lad’s coat and hung on for dear
life.
In the struggle to release himself
from the dog’s grip Samuel and dog
both tumbled into the water. The dog
released his hold and swam ashore,
but Samuel, being unable to swim, was
carried by the swift current down to
ward One Hundred and Nineteenth
street.
Attracted by the other boys’ shouts
for help, Moran, who was standing on
the morgue pier, between One Hun
dred and Twentieth and One Hundred
and Nineteenth streets, dived into
the river and swam after the lad. On
account of the strong current at this
point of the Harlem river Moran did
not overtake him until near One Hun
dred and Nineteenth street. He got
Samuel to put his arms around his
neck, and started to swim back.
Caught in a swirl of cross currents
as they approached the morgue pier,
rescuer and rescued came near being
carried beyond aid, when some work
men at the morgue slid an empty cof
fin, such as are in use at the morgue,
into the water. After a hard struggle
Moran was able to reach it and held
on until a line was thrown him.
Dr. Kahn of Harlem hospital pump
ed the water out of Samuel’s lungs.
While he was working over the lad,
Samuel suddenly got free and ran
home, with the physician and Moran
after him. He was naught in the ves
tibule of his home and found to be
all right,
CAT ENDS HAWK’S FORAYS
Pounces on the Big Bird and Sticks
as Passenger on Last
Flight.
Plainfield, Conn. —John Walker, a
farmer near here, has been bothered
for months by hawks, which have
swooped down and robbetj him of poul
try. Complicated traps and ponderous
scarecrows had no effect upon the
bold hawks, which even pulled the
derby hat off one particularly ferocious
dummy. The other day, however, the
cloud of gloom that has enveloped the
Walker hen yard wae lifted when Mc-
Kinley, the family cat, captured one
of the biggest hawks ever seen in this
section. It measured four feet six
inches.
While Mr. Walker and his family
were at breakfast they heard a com
motion in the hen yard. Members of
the family hurried out and saw the cat
volplaning to earth on the back of the
hawk. The bird had attempted to fly,
but found McKinley too heavy a pas
senger. A shotgun ended the hawk’s
career. The cat received a three
course meal.
Hunters Kill 10,013 Rats.
Findlay, O. —In an organized hunt,
lasting six weeks, 10,013 rats were kill
ed in Aminda township, a district near
here. In the hunt, during which ev
ery corner of the township was ex
plored, two sides of 600 men and boys
opposed each other. The end of the
slaughter was celjbrated with a ban
quet.
Queer Charge in Divorce Suit.
Paterson, N. J. —In her suit for di
vorce filed here, Mrs. Minnie Hender
son charges that her husband made
her stay in the house on Labor day
and warned her ‘not to go near the
window” while the Labor day parade
of the Butler, N. .1., firemen, the sear
son’s event, was in progress.
Loses Show on Election Bet.
New York. —Dave Marion, owner
and producer of several burlesque
shows, bet one of his shows against a
box of cigars that John Purrey Mitchel
would defeat Edward E. McCall in
the mayoralty election here. A hotel
clerk was on the small end of the
wager.
Name Pugilist Dance Censor.
Patchogue, N. Y. —Sailor Brooks, a
heavyweight pugilist, was appointed
official censor of dancing at the Pat
chogue auditorium by the local aui
thorities. His business is to eject
those who insist upon dancing the
turkey trot and tango.
MUST RESTRAIN HIS GRIEF
Everybody Except the Clergyman Is
Privileged to Weep During
Wedding Ceremonies.
A peculiarity of bridegrooms was
pointed out by the curate, who asked
asthmatically for a medical certifi
cate showing that he had a cold in the
head.
“But that is self-evident,” said the
doctor. “You don’t need a doctor’s
word for that. You are all choked up
and your eyes are watery.”
“It is those very symptoms that
make a certificate necessary to placate
the bridegroom,” said the curate.
“Without that, he will think I am cry
ing, and will take my tears as a per
sonal insult. Copious weeping is the
privilege of everybody at a wedding
except the parson.
“Bridesmaids may sniffle, mothers
sob, and bride and bridegroom falter,
but the man who ties the knot must
remain dry-eyed and clear-voiced.
Emotion on his part is construed as
grief over the bride’s bad bargain,
and the best-natured bridegroom on
earth resents it.”
HEAD ITCHED AND BURNED
604 Greenville Ave., Staunton, Va. —
“My head broke out in pimples which
festered. It itched me so that I
would scratch it till my head got al
most in a raw sore. My hair came out
gradually and it was dry and lifeless.
Dandruff fell on my coat collar till I
was ashamed of it. My head had been
that way all Bummer, itching and
burning till I couldn’t sleep In any
peace.
“I tried salves but it looked like
they made it worse. I got but
it did me no good so I got a cake of
Cuticura Soap and box of the Cuticura
Ointment and you don’t know what a
relief they gave me. In two weeks my
head was well.” (Signed) J. L. Smith,
Oct. 28, 1912.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free,with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card “Cuticura, Dept. L, Boston.” —Adv.
Good resolutions are all right if
they happen to make good.
It is difficult to say just when a pig
becomes a hog, but we feel sure cer
tain men never were pigs.
Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the, gums, reduces inflamma
tion, allays pain,curds wind colic,2sc a bottle.Aßv
There is no more agreeable compan
ion than the’ woman who loves us.—
Bernardin de St. Pierre.
Dean’s Mentholated Cough Drops effec
tively drive out colds and stop all throat
irritations—sc at Drug Stores.
Domestic Amenities.
Hub —Mary, my love, this apple
dumpling isn’t half done.
Wife —Well, then, finish it, my dear.
When a woman has implicit faith in
her husband,'" most of the neighbors
wonder how much longer it is going
to take her to get her eyes open.
The king of England has. officially
confirmed the report that he never
travels on Sunday unless it is abso
lutely necessary.
The Only Way.
Gabe —Smith brags that he keeps
all of his promises. I wonder how he
manages to do it?
Steve —He never makes any.
His Excuse.
Collector —Why haven’t you paid
your gas bill?
Consumer—The light was so poor I
could not read the bill. —California
Pelican.
Figgerative.
“A schoolboy of eleven,” said Prof.
Thomas R. Lounsbury, Yale’s author
ity on English, “once gave an apt illus
tration of figurative usage. He gave
It in a composition, writing:
“ ‘A figgerative saying is, "to keep
the wolf from the door.” It does not
mean to keUp a real live wolf from the
door. A good instance is when the
landlord comes for the rent. He knocks
at the door and you keep awful quiet,
in the hope that he will think there is
nobody in and go away.”
Best Sign of Genius.
“My son,” said the Old Philosopher,
‘‘when you hear a feller talkin’ night
and day about ‘the fire of genius,’ just
trail him to where he lives at and
you’ll very likely find a cold hearth
and the wind whistlin’ through the
cracks in his dwelling-place. I much
prefer to hear ’em talk about the
‘strength’ of genius, and see ’em give
an example of it by swingin’ an axe
and choppin’ trees stove-length. ' You
see the firelight twinklin’ from the
windows of that feller’s home, and
you can lay yer last dollar on it that
his table’s always got enough to say
grace over.” —Atlanta Constitution.
Teachei| Forgot the Toes.
Teacher —Now, children, try to fig
ure just this once without counting
on your fingers. How much is three
and four?
Peperl (looking under the bench
after a long wait) —Seven.
Teacher —Right. Four and six?
Peperl (again peeping under the
bench) —Ten.
Teacher —Hold up there, you little
rascal! I’ll teach you to count on
your fingers! (Takes Peperl’s hands
and clasps them behind his back.)
Now, then, five and three?
*Peperl (after another long look un
der the bench) —Eight.
Teacher —Well, how did you man
age to do that?
Peperl—With my toes, teacher.
A “IS YOUR BABY CONSTIPATED?”
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Compensation.
Knicker —How would you like to be
a man without a country?
Bocker —Fine; you wouldn’t have to
go broke sending your family there
for the summer.
Material Matter.
In the apartment house hall:
“Has the paper boy been here yet
this morning?”
“No; only the meat man and the
bread girl.”—Lippincott’s.
Important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle 01
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Children Cry for Fletcher’s Castoria
Head of the House.
A Chicago broker had just met an
old-time friend. After the prelim
inaries and over the natural conse
quence, the O. T. F. asked:
“And how’s everything out at your
house, George?”
“Oh, she’s all right,” replied ths
broker.
Not Just at Present.
Young Edward had eaten too freely
of the pudding.
“Mother,” he plaintively said, “don’t
make any more of that stuff; I never
want any more of it.”
He hesitated a moment, and then
added, as he remembered how nicely
it tasted:
“Not for a week, anyway!”
Clean Record.
The late Adolphus Busch was once
talking to a St. Louis reporter about
a brewing invention, that, he held,
promised more than it would perform.
“The invention,” he remarked, “is
like Peck, of whom a man said:
“ ‘Peck tells his wife everything he
does.’
“Then came the mild addition:
“ ‘And he does everything she tells
him.’ ”
Hounds Had No Reason to Howl.
The Luray Herald tells this story of
an Oakley man who makes trips on
business to various towns in western
Kansas. At one hotel where he board
ed a neighbor across the street had
several hounds that disturbed guests
greatly by their baying and howling.
One day the traveling man was sitting
1 on the porch and the dogs came snif
fing about the house, .snapping up
bones and scraps. They then broke
out into their usual dismal howl.
“What are you howling about?” said
he. “You don’t have to live at this
hotel.” —Kansas City Star.
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