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HOW HE MIGHT LOSE.
Millionaire Could Not See Why He Should Buy Burial Lot. Not long ago a prominent financier, whose most prominent characteristic, according to the popular opinion, is close-flstedness, was the recipient of a visit from an agent whose line it is to solicit orders for hurial lots. On emerging from the private office of the moneyed man the agent was met by a colleague who had been waiting for him, and who inquired anxiously as to the success of his in terview. The.agent, shook his head regretful ly. "No go," said he "he was afraid lie might not get the full value of his investment." "What could he mean by saying that? Confound it, a man must die some time, even though he is a mil lionaire." "That's what -I told him," replied the agent, "but he only answered, 'Suppose I should be lost at sea?'" SWISS PASTORS KEEP INNS. Are Forced Thus to Supplement Their Scanty Incomes. A note from Geneva states that a fortnight or so ago a Swiss pastor bought an inn at Ufhusen, a little vil lage near Easel. This is said not to be an exceptional case. In the can tons of Upper and Lower Unterwalden and Uri many of the clergy are propri etors of inns. The reason for this is that the priests are so badly paid that they are obliged to supplement their incomes by other means. Their aver age income in Switzerland is $125 a year. The establishments under their control are said to be models of their kind. The priests have succeeded in reducing drunkenness in their par ishes, for they attend on their custom ers in person, refusing to serve those who they consider have had enough. "The Author Of "Have you noticed," said girl, "that in several the tall new books the writer is described as 'the outhor of' and then follows a list of books begin ning with the one immediately pre ceding the present production and run ning back to the earliest period? I have in mind now the case of Mrs. Ward in particular. 'Lady Rose's Daughter' is by thje outhor of 'Elean- or,' 'Tressady' and 'Robert Elsemere.' A year or so ago the previous books have been enumerated in chronolog ical order, 'Elsmere' heading the list 'Eleanor' ending it] I wonder if that way of putting the cart before the horse is a fad among publishers these days, or is it merely a coincidence that I have noticed several cases of the kind within the last few weeks?" Coroner's Jury's Qualified Verdict. During the "landlord and tenant dis turbance in Ireland some years ago a certain property owner was discov ered lying dead near a village of which he was owner. The coroner's jury, knowing full well that the man had been shot down by "the boys," were nevertheless loath to further in vestigate therefore they rendered the following verdict: "We find the de ceased gentleman died by the visita tion of Godunder suspicious circum stances." Philadelphia Public Ledger. Faking Used Stamps. Rogues in this country are gener ally about as artful as we desire them to be, but evidently they have some thing to learn yet from the heathen Chinee. In West. Java Ah Sin man ages to cheat the postoffice very in geniously. On sticking a new stamp on an envelope he smears the stamp on the face with paste or a thin glue. This takes the impression of the de facing stamp at the postoffice, and can easily be washed off, so that the stamp is once more serviceable. Heaven Had Its Limits. There was once a Boston womanrr*$ says Congressman Powers of Massa chussetts, who had afternoon teas, be longed to a Browning club, fell ill, and finally died. When she had been in heaven some days her husband called her up through a spiritualist. "Well, my dear," inquired the husband, "how do you like heaven?" "Very well," she replied. "We have afternoon teas here, and also a Browning club. But, after all, Henry, it's not Boston."New Tork Times. Bits About the Moon. If there were a "man in the moon" the earth would look sixty-four times larger to him than the sun does to us on earth. The surface area of the moon is about as great as that of Asia and Australia combined. Once in twelve and a half years there is a "moonless month that it, the moon has no full moon. The last moonless month fell in 1898 and the next one will fall in 1911. Amethysts in High Favor. Amethysts are in high favor. Some times they are set in gold, but oftener in gun metal. They are seen as sash pins, belt buckles, long chains, as well as in the tops of purses and wrist hags. One woung woman is the envy of her associates by reason of a superb heart-shaped locket composed of a eingle deep hearted amethyst which she wears dangling from a gold snake chain. Consequences. Once on a time a Prudent Girl met a Frivolous Girl. "Don't you know, my dear," she said, "that if you con tinue wearing a veil that you will tepoil your eyesight?" "I saw that in la medical journal," replied the Friv .clous Girl, "and I would have followed its advice only I happened to read in (my Beauty Book that if I didn't wear za. veil I would spoil my complexion." THE MEN IN LINE. Figures Show Immense Amount of Sol diers Under Ar.-s. The land forces alone of Europe number "on the war tooting" 25,000- 000 men. Even Spain has an army larger than our own. Standing side by side 25,000,000 men would make a continuous line from Calais across Europe and Asia to Ber ing strait. Parading up Broadway at the usual pace, infantry in files of twenty, cav alry ten abreast and field guns two abreast, this force would pass the city hall in about seven and a half months, parading eight hours a day, Sundays excepted. On the continent soldiers are carried standing in fourth-class cars contain ing forty men each. Very small freight cars we should call them. To mobil ize-these men at once would take 25,- 000 such cars in about 50,000 trains. At a mile headway the^,trains would reach twice around the world.New York World. SPIRIT OF SLAVIC WOMEN. Their Love of Liberty Being Evinced in Many Ways. The Slavic women of Europe are just now occupying much attention by the part they are taking in national affairs. The University of St. Peters burg was closed because of the trou bles of women medical students who objected to the severity of the exami nations. Now comes the report that the Prussian government has arrested a large number of Polish women in Gnesen, charging them with conspir acy. In that city was a large women's club, formed for the purpose of study ing Polish literature and history. The police have discovered, or think they have discovered, that the club is real ly but a cloak for political intrigue which threatened much harm to Prus sian interests. Enthralled the Congregation. It is related that a stranger once en tered a cathedral in Sicily and bagged to be allowed to try the organ, which was new and a very flue instrument that even the organist did not under stand. With some reluctance the or ganist allowed the stranger to play, and soon the cathedra! was filled with sounds that its walls had never heard before. As the stranger played, pull ing out stops never before combined, and working slowly up to the full organ, the cathedral filled, and it was not until a largo congregation had wondered at his gift, that the stranger told his name. He was Dom Lorenzo Perosi, the young priest composer, whose latest oratorio, "Leo," was re cently performed at the Vatican dar ing the celebration of the Pope's jubi lee. A Question of Identity. Thompson and Rogers, two married men, wandering home late one night, stopped at what Thompson supposed to be his residence, but which Rogers insisted was his own house. Thompson rang the bell lustily soon a window was opened and a lady inquired what was wanted. "Madam," inquired Mr. Thompson, "isn't this Mr. T-Thomp son's house?" "No," replied the lady, "this is the residence of Mr. Rogers." "Well," exclaimed Thompson, "Mrs. T-Thompsonbeg your pardonMrs. Rogers, won't you just step down to the door and pick out. Rogers, for Thompson wants to go home." Weather Signs. The color of the sky at particular times affords a wonderfully good guide to the weather to be expected within the coming twenty-four hours. Not only does a rosy sunset presage good weather and a ruddy sunset bad weather, but a bright yellow sky in the evening indicates wind a pale yellow, rain. If in the morning the sky is of a neutral gray color, the indications for a good day may he favorable. Generally speaking, it may be said that any deep or unusual hue in summer be tokens either wind or rain. i Descendant of Robert Burns. The only direct descendant of Rob em Burns is a clerk in a Chicago shipping office. He is Robert Burns Hutchinson, and his descent from the poet is unquestioned. His mother, Sarah Burns, was a daughter of Lieu tenant. Colonel James Glencairn Burns, the third son of Robert Burns and Jean Armour. Mr. Hutchinson will be 48 this year. He was born at Chelten ham, but crossed the water in 1891, when he married Miss Mabel Burnaad. Their little daughter, Dorothea Bums Hutchinson, is the next in the straight line from the poet. A Recipe for Jokes. Mother is a writer of jokes, being very successful in disposing of those in which her own children pose as the heroes. One day a literary friend, who is a wife but not a mother, said to her: "I wish I could write jokes that would find a market as readily as do yours!" Up spoke the hero of most of mother's witticisms. "I'll tell you how, Mrs. Sims: You get some children, paper, envelopes, stamps, and ask your husband to buy a type writer! That's all that mamma did!" Poplar a Lightning-Conductor. A careful examination of the trees that are struck by lightning shows that over half of them are poplar. From this fact scientists conclude that the poplar has some value as a con ductor of lightning. Lives Saved by Science. The number of deaths each year in London was, 150 years ago, fifty-one a thousand. In 1S20 it was twenty-nine a thousand, and it now is about eight een a thousand. HOW NOME WAS NAMED. Insignificant Error Which Deter* mined Its Appellation. There is to be a considerable rush for Nome next month, if one may be lieve what one hears among mining men. There is no more sensational ism, but plenty of effort and inten tion. Men are going there who have thought over the situation very seri ously since the wild craze of a few years ago, and they will go prepared for hardships and disappointment How was Nome named? By a man on the Herald, one of the Franklin rescue ships. When the manuscript chart of the Cape Nome region was constructed attention was called to the fact that the cape had no name by the insertion of this"? name?" The interrogation point was inked in by a draughtsman as a "C." and the "a" in "name" being indistinct he interpreted is as an "o" hence" "C. Nome"Cape Nome." This little ro mance occurred in 1853. What's in a name? Nome.New York Press. "JACK HARKAWAY" COMING BACK Story That Thrilled the Boys of a Gen eration Ago. For a regular thriller commend me to "Jack Harkaway." Thirty-five years ago this sensational bit of fic tion exercised a greater influence on the character of the average boy of 10 to 15 than father, mother and the Ten Commandments. It was devoured by millions on both sides of the water. "Jack" was the ideal of the youth of all English-speaking countries. I see that it has been started again for a long run in a periodical that claims 1,250,000 circulation. Bracebridge Hemyng died in 1901. He wrote not only "Jack Harkaway," but forty-odd volumes of readable fiction, yet you will look in vain for his name in "John- son's," "Appleton's," "Chambers'," the "International" and the "Standard" cyclopedias, and in the "Ridpath Li brary of University Literature." The editors of all such works seem "to make it a habit to leave out just what one wants to know.New York Press. Mayor Cleared the Sidewalk Himself. They tell a story of Mayor Studley in New Haven that is characteristic He was walking along Church street one day when he found the way blocked by a "hog" of a builder who had filled the sidewalk with cement and planks, forcing everybody out into the street. The mayor picked up the planks himself and threw them into the street and rolled the cement after them. He left word with a near-by po liceman that if that sidewalk was obstructed again the builder would he arrested. Some men can do that sort of thing without diminishing their dig nity and greatly to the increase of their popularity. Studley is one of those men.Waterbury (Conn.) Amer ican. Plague of Wolves. Wolves are still the scourge of the Russian peasantry. During the present winter they have succeeded in de stroying 16,000 head of cattle in one district of eastern Russia alone. In the governments of Novgorod, Tver, Olonetsk and Archangel and in Fin land these animals are met with in great numbers. The frequently be come such a plague that the govern ment orders them to be hunted down by entire companies of soldiers, who surround the woods in which they dwell and afterward shoot them down in considerable numbers. Doom of Buzzard. The buzzards that have long infest ed Vera Cruz and served a useful pur pose as winged scavengers are doomed. A London firm is putting in a modern sewer and water system. The birds have become so numerous that they are a pest. The protection of the municipality has been removed and when the new drainage system shall be completed the city will be rid of the pest, the numbers of which have already been reduced somewhat by catching the buzzards and placing them in wooden cages to be taken to the sea and.drowned. Opulence at the Capital. Old-fashioned residents of Wash ington deplore the fact that social life there is taking on many of the objec tionable features which characterize the "rude and rich" New York set. It it believed that some of this is due to the fact that the president hails from New York, the Roosevelts being allied with many families notable on Man hattan island. Opulence at the capital is making great display in equipages, luncheons, dinners, dances, etc., and its coming to be understood that now adays money not only talks, it howls. The Prodigy. The infant prodigy had thrown her self on the floor and was vigorously biting holes in the matting, while her toes drummed a quick march of fierce anger and her shrieks rent the air. "What in the world!" exclaimed the prodigy's keeper, in alarm. "Here is a newspaper account of me which neg lects to say that I am 'utterly unspoil ed with all my popularity,' wailed the prodigy as it continued to scream and kick.Los Angeles Herald. Chance for Every Old Thing. WantedMr. Edgar Hogan wants a wife. He is not particular about what kind most any old thing will doan old maid or some brisky young miss. Any unmarried lady that wants to get a husband should write Mr. Hogan, or gee him at his office or home. His postoffice is Bethany. His office is anywhere on the square at Bethany. His home is on Big Creek, five miles north of Bethany.Bethany (Mo.) Owl. THE EXPANSION OF RUSSIA. Nothing Stops the Progress of the Giant of the North. The progress of Russia is like the spreading of ink over blotting paper. There is no natural barrier in Persia to throw her back or head her off, i such as the mountainous frontier of India. But the prospect of Russian absorption of Persia is not practical politics to-day. Neither is it practical politics nor healthy patriotism to hound on Great Britain to occupy, finance, protect or claim rights in every country which lies upon her road to India or Africa or America or the South Seas. Such a policy is mere ly suicidal. We can barely govern efficiently our present possessions. Fresh large responsibilities in Persia, in China and ultimately in Turkey would simply weigh us down to the gunwale and finally sink us.London Chronicle. FAD OF A FAMOUS JACKDAW. Bird Took Trips on Buses and Gave His Foes a Tongue Lashing. The Brixton jackdaw, which was found dead recently in the bar of the Angell Arms at Brixton, London, was a great celebrity in his own way. All jackdaws have fads of their own, and the favorite fad of this particular bird was to travel all over London on omni buses, trains and cabs. He was thor oughly well known to every 'busman in the Brixton district he used to take his seat on a bus beside the driver, and would chatter most volu bly till the journe- *o the city or else where was accomplished, when he would fly back to his Brixton home. He was a bird of strorg likes and dis likes, and when any of his master's customers failed to find favor in his sight he would assail th^m with the most embarrassing flow of language. Billiard Players. The game of billiards has grown in popularity of late with the fair sex. According to Shakespeare, Cleopatra played billiards with her favorite, Charmion, in the year 30 B. C. At present the best women players are the French, who frequent professional games and eagerly follow the billiard news of the day. Patti is fond of the game and had a table made in this country to take to her Welsh castle, for which she paid $2,500. Among American billiard players of repute are Mrs. George Gould, Mrs. Edwin Gould, Mrs. Almeric Paget, Mrs. Burke-Roche and Lillian Russell. Bil liards are said to afford excellent ex ercise. Minister Bowen's Wife. Mrs. Bowen, wife of our minister to Venezuela, talks very entertainingly of the Venezuelans, whom she de scribes as models of domestic virtue. Many are also very beautiful, but they go out very little in public, being of Spanish descent. Mrs. Bowen, who is slight in figure and of girlish man ners, was a Miss Clegg of Galveston, Tex. She is fond of pets, and among the unusual ones entertained at the legation in Caracas are several par rots, a fine peacock and some monkeys which are allowed to roam at will in the garden. The Deacon's Climax. "Yes," said Deacon Stuckup, "the works of Providence are manifold. The omnipotence of the Almighty is seen in all things, great and small, high and low. The good Lord who made the great mountains made the smallest insect that crawls over them the good Lord who made the mighty ocean made the smallest fish that swims in it the good Lord who made man, the greatest of His works, made the smallest flower of the field. The good Lord, brethren, who made me, made a daisy!" The Methods of Novelists. And here is Maxim Gorky paying $150,000 cash for a beautiful palace on the banks of the Volga. This is the reward of the skilful use of his pen in glorifying the tramp and the out cast, and vilifying and scandalizing their opposites in Russian society and politics. It is frequently thus, though Tolstoi began at the other end of the social ladder, sacrificing a title and a fortune for the rewards that have come to him as a novelist and a cham pion of the oppressed. Few Motor Cars in Portugal. Motor cars as yet show no signs of being used in Portugal. Last year only twenty were imported, of which eighteen were French, one English and one German. The bicycle trade is also languishing only 572 bicycles were imported in twelve months222 from the United States, 151 from France and 35 from the United King dom. The population of Portugal is about the same as that of London. London's Army of Horses. In a recent paper on "Electric Auto mobiles," read before the Institution of Civil Engineers, Mr. H. F. Joel stated that in London alone there were over 16,000 licensed horse-carriages, apart from private vehicles, trades men's vans, etc., and it was estimated that over 200,000 horses were stabled each night In London, necessitating the dally removal of more than 5,000 tons pf manure and refuse. Too Much for Him. "And do you mean to say," ex claimed Farmer Brown to a policeman in Lebanon, Pa., as he gazed at the trolley wire, "that that thing is used for travelln' purposes?" "Yes." "Hu- man beln's go that a-way?" "Of course." "Good-bye." "Where are you going?" "Back home. I'm get tin' used to the steam cars, but I'm durned ef I'm ready to be seat hy tele graph." REEDl I L~~. Prof. SEAT0N The Celebrated Scientific Palmist and Clairvoyant Has arrived and remains a short time only. The Professor is recognized by press and public as the foremost and most able Scientific Palmist and Clairvoyant before the American public, and he especially invites those to call who 'have been dis- appointed or deceived in the past by some incompe tent personthey will notice the" difference be- tween an adept and a pretender. HRE YOU I N TROUBLE? Do you find that with all of your natural gifts and talents that you are baffled, discouraged and unsuccessful? If so, come and be advised and find out the cause of your bad luck, and how you can change your bad conditions to success, joy and happiness. Thous- ands live today to bless and give credit of their success and happi- ness to this wonderful man. Are you sick"? If so, come to me and I will tell you free of charge what ails you. I do not give medi- cine, but tell you how to be cured without asking a single question. Come and be convinced. Palmistry and Clairvoyant taught. Prof. Seaton is located at Roo 8 Remore Hotel REED KNUTS0N Blacksmith and Wago Makers BEMIDJI, MINNESOTA & KNUTSON have opened a blacksmith and wagon shop one door south of The Pioneer, and are prepared to handle any and al work in their line and guarantee satisfaction to all comers. Mr. Reed makes a specialty of horseshoeing and his work is too well knovvn to need any introduction to the people of this vicinity. Mr, Knutson has been in the employ of the St. Hilaire Lumber company for four years, and comes well recommended by that company. Give the new firm a chance to show you what they can do, and you will not be disappointed REED & KNUTSON Second door south of postoffice, BEMIDJI, MINN. C. D. Steece The Sign Man Is here to stay, and is prepared to do all kinds of iro-to-date Painting, Paperhang ing, Free Hand Relief Work, Kalsomin ing, Etc. AL WOR IS GUARANTEED DON'T FORGET TO SEE HIM BEFORE LETTING YOUR JOB. HE CAN SAVE YOU MONEY. LEAVE ORDERS AT BEAUDETTE'S TAILOR SHOP. C. D. STEECE THE SIGN MAN BEMIDJI, MINN. yyyyyiyyyyyyy WHi-yV First Class Sample Room. Choicest Brands. Mac's Mint Geo. McTaggart Prop. Choice Wines, Liquors and Cigars. Beltrami Avenue. Bemidji, Winn. and general blacksmith work, iAAfeAAjgkA Subscribe for the Daily and Weekly Pioneer The two best papers printed between Crookston and Duluth *n\