Newspaper Page Text
4 m E DAILY GLOBE PUBLISHED EVERY DAY AT THE GLOBE BUILDING, CORNER FOUBTII AND CEDAR 9TBKET3 JOHN F. BAKER, Editor. L. BAKER, Jr., Business Manager. M. T. BLACK, City Editor. bT. PAUL GLOBE SUBSCRIPTION RATE Daily (Not Including Sunday.) 1 vr in advance.^ 00 j 3 m in advauce.B2.oo Cm in advance. 400 | 6 weeks in adv. lOU One month 7i>c. DAILY AND SUNDAY. ~~'„-X 3 vr in advance.SlOOO I 3 mos. in adv.. 52 in in advance. 500 1 5 weeks in adv. 1 O One month -at SUNDAY ALONE. svr in advance.. 00 I 3mos. in adv.. .50c tin in advance.. IQO 1 Im. ln advance.'2oc Tiu-Wkeki-y- (Daily— Monday. Wednesday and Friday.) Jjr in advance. .24 00 1 0 mos. in adv..»- oo 3 mouths in advance.... $100- WEEKLY ST. PAUL GLOBE. Cne year. $1 I Six mo., 05c | Three mo., 35c Rejected communications cannot be pre served. Address all letters and telegrams to THE GLOBE. St. Paul, Minn. Eastern Advertising Office- Room 41, Times Bnilding, New York. WASHINGTON BUREAU, 1405 F ST. NW. Complete files of the Globe always kept on .baud for reference. Patrons and friends are cordially invited to visit and avail themselves of the facilities of our Eastern Oihces while U New York and Washington. TODAY'S WEATHER. Washington. May 28.— Iowa: Fair; warmer; winds becoming southerly. For Wisconsin: Generally fair; southwest winds. For Minnesota and the Dakotas: Fair; slightly warmer near Huron; winds be coming south. For Montana: Fair; slightly ■warmer in extreme east, cooler west; winds becoming west. oe.nehal observations. United States Department of.Aoiiicult r«E. Weather Bureau, Washington. May 68,0:18 p.m. Local Time, ? p. m.7.tb Merid ian Observations taken at thesame moment of time at all stations. " c p:,\ X w f<L \3 M '\ - W2. 3h p-2.' =1 " v go Place of §H|S Place of 2 «* g 3 Observation. go -a Observation. 52. £ & 2. n i-5 ra •" , 2 • ~-\ r« : % • ; 7., . • 7 St.Paul. .20.741 (is Havre 29.66 74 Duluth . .'.'. .. 29.64 US ' Miles City.. . 29.74 72 Lacrosse.. 29.82 63 Helena 29.80 70 Huron 29.74 68 ! Calgary... .2:1.48 08 Pierre 29.78 70 Minneaosa . 29.04 54 Woorhead... 20. 60 70 Mede Hat... 20.4s .. 70 S?t. Vincent. 29.02 00 Qu'Appelle. 29.64 64 Bismarck. 29.08 72 Sw'tCur'ent 29.70 62 Ft. Buford.. 29. 70 Winnipeg .. 29.62 56 P. P. Lyons, Local Forecast Official. ' It is almost time for the summer girl to bloom. _ * Nature is about to uncork its smell ing bottle. -^ It is said that New York's 400 resent the calling of Ward McAllister a lion. It is the proper thing to call him a tiger. One of the greatest services that re ligion can perform for itself at the pres ent time is to purge itself of every ves tige of bigotry. It might be just as well for Mr. Ol- NEY to "get a move on" for the trusts. He might study with profit the course of the attorney general of Illinois. It cost a Boston man $10 in court for kicking a cat. It would probably cost a man a fortune and a term in the peni tentiary to kick Uncle Dana's cat. The anti-snappers in New York are now reinforced by the Germans . of the city, who are In revolt against the rule of the Celtic triumvirate — Choker, Sheehan and Mrni'iiy. "When the editor of the Detroit Free Press gets to Belgium we hope he will find time to keep his paper free and unmuzzled," savs' the Milwaukee Sen tinel. Has our Willie returned from Prague? Strawberries are shipping from the South for Northern points by trainloads. it is reported. The people on the way must have enormous strawberry appe tites, for precious few of the berries reach Minnesota. It is greatly hoped that New York's 400 will succeed in restraining the tiger spirit within them during their enter tainment of Eulalie. 30 that no such scenes shall be enacted as those at the Craven wedding. The Dcs Moines Register alludes sar-:, castically to the fact that the govern ment is footing the bills for the enter tainment of EiLAi.iE. The government has footed a good many extravagant bills for Mr. Clarkson. A prominent Presbyterian divine has said that if Dr. Briggs is expelled he will lose less than the Presbyterian church. A good many people outside that church think the same thing; but it looks dangerous for a Presbyterian to make such an expression. It is a little singular that that so- Called national farmers' encampment is set for early in August. It is probably a plot of the politicians who call them selves farmers, but who never did a day's work on a farm in their lives, to hold it when farmers cannot attend. Dead Chinamen are . sent back to China at the expense of the live China men. It is reported that there is a movement among the Denis Kearney stripe of the Pacific coast to save the government a good deal of expense in transporting the Mongolians back to their native heath. Milwaukee is just a bit slower town than St. Louis. It has just caught on to the fact that a year ago the American Medical association decided to hold its next, the coming annual meetine, in that city. The Sentinel shuffles off its own remissness onto the press commit tee, and belabors it for not letting folks know that the association was comine. The New (Jrleans Times-Democrat warns the sugar planters of Louisiana that their bounty is in danger and that they must organize and defend their "rights." .It urges them to claim that the bounty clause of the McKixley act is a contract, under which they have vested riehts not impairabla by subse quent legislation. The T.-D. should unhitch the last half of its name and send it to the "hell box." Calling a paper Democrat that advocates such paternalism is as flagrant a case of mis nomer as could be found. - The general assembly now consider ing theßniGOS case may well take a hint from the Farnham post incident. The post adopted and cave wide public ity to some very emphatic opinions relat ing to pensions, which the department commander and the national com manders regarded as "hostile to the prin ciples of the G. A. R." .The state and national authorities attempted to sup press the dissension which the pension abuses are causing in the organization ly demanding that the Farnham post ! retract its opinions, and, on its refusal, . by excommunicating it. The result Is a wider and much greater dissension than . ever— one that threatens : to disrupt the entire organization. Sitting on the safety valve is not the best way to keep the boiler from exploding. Better- let Briggs fizz. ■iii - OUTGENERALED OR BE . TRAYED. . : : ;tuy It is becoming very apparent as these developments come on that the several interests iv this state which are either served by legislation or are interested in keeping their methods concealed, ac complished all they wanted at the last session of the legislature. They were powerful enough to secure what posi tive legislation they wished; to defeat that which was inimical to them, and to render innocuous others which they did not care to suppress. The railroads were well served in the killing of the land tax and life limit bills, and in the passage of the anti scalper bill. These were fought out in the open, though, and won by the free use of boodle on members susceptible to that influence. The grain combine played their ea me with shrewdness and success. , They have a law which exempts their elevat ors from supervision while it brings under subjection those which might possibly compete with them. Already the line elevators are preparing for the coming operation of ."the "governor's bill" by notifying farmers having grain stored with them to get it out before the law takes effect, as they are not go ing to store wheat after . that date. While thus handicapping the independ ent elevators, they safeguarded them self by preventing the passage of the bill bringing the terminal elevators un der supervision and control. The one measure went through because the gov ernor wanted it, and the other was de feated by the customary means. The coal combine has escaped judicial prosecution by the blunder, or worse, of some one who drew the resolution under which the committee made its investiga tion, in omitting to authorize the com mittee to administer oaths. Perjury can only be predicated on an oath adminis tered by one duly empowered; plain .lying is not perjury. Was this a blunder or a betrayal? . The provision for money to pay the expenses of the anti-trust delegates to the national convention, called by the state, fails because the money was ap propriated by a joint resolution instead of by bill, as the constitution provides. It now transpires that this defect was known at the time the resolution was pending; was discussed by members of the legislature inimical to Its passage and who did not obstruct it because they knew the appropriation was void. Was this a blunder or a betrayal? It now appears that the same fatal de fect occurs in the movemennt to con tinue the investigation of the pine land ring. This is also a joint resolution-ap propriating money, and is obnoxious to the objection of unconstitutionality. There can be no investigation because there is no money that can be lawfully drawn to defray the expanses. The pine ring can rest In security for two years. But who did it? Was this, too, a blunder or a betrayal? . 1 ; \ ./. WHO IS TO BLAME? For the general legislation, the pass age or defeat of measures, the Repub lican party of the state must answer to the people, for it was dominant. For the grain bills passed and defeated it is solely responsible. If the elevator bill brings good results it is entitled to the credit; if bad, it must shoulder the blame. '^i—iiiX^. But for the miscarriage of the anti trust and pine land measures there is a divided responsibility resting in about equal balance on the shoulders of Gov. Nelson and Ignatius Donnelly. Both are legislators with years of ex perience in both the state and national legislatures. They have served in the house and senate of the state. Both are lawyers, the former with long practice. The governor had in addition his law adviser,- and we recall that it was said in the latter days of the session that; the governor and the attorney general were too busy in examining bills and deciding their legality to do something or an other that was wanted. We believe that it was Mr. Donnelly who drew the resolution lor the investi gation of the coal combine which omit ted, it is said, the authorization to admin ister oaths. It was Mr. Donnelly who fathered the state elevator, bill against which he is now railing. It was Mr. Donnelly who drew the resolution providing for the anti-trust convention, whose delegates must go unpaid be cause he made it a joint resolution in stead of a bill. It was Mr. Donnelly who drew the joint resolution for the Investigation of the pine land steals, which must now drop because he made it a resolution instead of a bill, and money cannot be appropriated by reso lution. It was Gov. Nelson, lawyer and statesman, who approved of these joint resolutions, and whose duty it is to veto or return . for correction illegal bills which reach him. Bearing on and illustrating this blundering incapacity or worse, the Globe recalls that it was Mr. Don nelly who defeated the proposed con stitutional amendment of 1891, about which so much of surmise aud so little of fact was heard during the last cam paign. It was charged that the word "railroads" was interpolated in the bill after its passage, presumably at the in stance of the railroads, as afford ing lhe. ii an avenue of escape from the gross earnings tax." ln fact, the word "railroad" was inserted on motion of Mr. Donnelly before the words "sleeping car," so, as he blandly ex plained, there might be no doubt as to the sleeping car companies meant to be taxed! The "a" and the comma were inserted after passage. Explanations a^e in order. How can these trained and practiced legislators excuse themselves?. How can they escape responsibility for their blunders, to use no harsher term? Are they in capable, were they outgeneraled, or were the acts intentional? CHOLERA PREVENTION. There are several reasons for the-be lief that cholera will make its appear ance in America some time this season. The steamship companies persisted in bringing immigrants here . last summer in spite of all protests and all efforts ; to discourage them.and they will undoubt edly do the same thing this summer. If cholera spreads in Europe,asit undoubt edly will, there will be such an immi gration to our shores as has ;.never been seen. There is no reason to hope that the ships will refuse passage to any one who has the price of his fare. A prom inent person has just brought . suit for heavy damages against one of the ship companies because the ship on which he arrived was detained at quarantine on account of the immigrants aboard. The party alleges that when he bought his ticket of the European agent he did so upon . the express agreement .of "the agent that the ship would carry no ' im migrants. This is; only one of many instances showing the determination of THE .SAINT PAUL PAIL V • GLOBE: x MONDAY MORNING. MAY 29, 1893. the companies to . carry everybody by any means and at all hazards. : There are so many: ways by - which these immigrants can enter the country, that we cannot look for complete pro tection by quarantine. : The New York entrance is well barricaded by quaran tine. There is a satisfactory quarantine at the entrance of the Grand Trunk road. There is a fair quarantiue at the mouth of ; the Mississippi. , But X there are many Atlantic ports which are with out quarantine. - The immigrants, as shown by recent news, are seeking en trance by .way of Canada and Minne sota. At the present time they have a pretty clear opening this way. .There is no quarantine at the entrance to Min nesota; hence, if they succeed in get ting into Canada, there is no way of keeping them out of Minnesota, unless they are stricken when they reach the point of entrance. So far as learned, they find no difficulty in entering Can ada; at least, they are not detained at quarantine as at New York, and those who are not known to have been ex pos In the old country are permitted to enter. W. K. Estes, United States consul at Hamburg, has assured Gov. Nelson that, by an understanding with the Hamburg authorities, he will rigidly inspect every vessel leaving that port with emigrants bound for Canada; That is good as far as it goes; but it is not possible to " determine the i facts by a mere inspection of those on board a ship. Cholera germs in clothing can not be detected by a mere , inspection. Ships are held in the New York quar antine beyond the required number of days for the germs to develop, and that is the only safe course. .;<-.__ . There should be quarantine at St. Vincent, at which all immigrants seek ing entrance to Minnesota should be held, as at New York. * IRREPRESSIBLE CONFLICT. "We are here to invoke this supreme court to put an end to the dissension," declared Mr. Birch in presenting to the general assembly of the Presbyterian church the case of Dr. Briggs, whose offense is a denial of the inerrancy of the Bible. . The general assembly, which seems to be intent on complying with the demand of Mr. Birch, that is, as far as its edict will go, will decide that Mr. Briggs is in error, and must either retract his con victions or leave the church. And then it will settle down comfortably to enjoy the satisfaction of having stopped the dissensions. What are the merits or demerits of this rumpus in that church, which has for so long disturbed the public as a noise at a distance disturbs the neigh borhood which cares nothing for the cause of it, we happily know nothing of, and thankfully care 'nothing for. In a vague way the public knows that Mr. BitiGGShas been doing some studying and thinking, and has arrived at certain conclusions which are matters of deep conviction with him, and that these conclusions are opposed to some rule or dogma or creed of his church, and that this assembly is to decide if he be here tic or not. What is interesting, though, is this evidence that the general assembly of a great church in this last decade of the nineteenth century wots so little of the irrepressible nature of thought that it imagines it can end its activities, its search for truth, its insistence on it or what it believes to be it, when found, by its simple fiat. If so, it only shows that a geueral assembly In these ■ later days has learned nothing from history and experience. States and churches before this, sometimes singly,.some times conjointly, have tried to stifle thought and thus prevent' the dis sensions which- it bred, but the world has . reason to be thankful that they could not do' what they would do. If pagan Rome, with all her imperial power, could not smother the thought whicii inspired the first Christains; if papal Rome could not prevent the thought that brought forth the Ref ormation; if that Reformation could not suppress the thought which has split it iuto the hundreds of sects dot ting Christendom, how can this as sembly hope to do it now? Is thought less virile? is tfie church more power ful? • .' ; <;.,f--: ; .> : Suppose the assembly decree, the heresy of the doctor, will that stop men from thinking? Will it establish 1 be yond all doubt the inerrancy of the Scriptures? lt will decide, of course, what the Presbyterian church believes about it, and settle it for all those who would rather let a church do their think ing for them; but will it do anything more than to serve" notice oh all that there is no room for them in that church unless they accept this as infallible" doctrine; and yield their right of inde pendent judgment? And it nothing more is accomplished, will not- the re sult be that stated by Leonard Wool sey Bacon in the Forum in accounting for "the lack of largeness and progress iveness among T American Presbyteri ans" noticed by Scotchmen of that sect visiting America? "In any religious sect in America," he says, "those affect ed with less strict and 'high' views be come easily and quietly detached from the sect, leaving the residuum more strongly impregnated with the charac teristic sectarian flavors." n ' TiMflln DOWN, WITH LYNCHING. It is time to sound the war cry. from end to end and side to side of the nation against lynching. It is today the great est stain upon the fair name of Amer ica. It has come to the pass that it is not possible to" pick up a daily paper without seeing accounts of from two to six lynchings in different parts of the United States. This state of affairs is a national disgrace, which should cause universal shame. During this month at least three men have been strung up by mobs upon mere suspicion. In one of these cases it was found out to. a certainty that the - wrong man was lynched; but the murderous mob quieted its conscience' and sought to justify the deed In the eyes of the country. by the assertion that the victim was a bad man and deserved death, even if he were not guilty of the crime for which he was hanged. In the other cases there was not only an utter ab sence of proof, but no good reason to believe the parties guilty. . Some, fifteen years ago there was' a vigilance committee in a rural district, of the central part of lowa, that existed for .the purpose of dealing out summary vengeance to alleged lawbreakers. "A band of horse thieves and highway rob bers had ■-'- lone depredated . the - region. The "farmers " became exasperated, and began agitating the . organization/ of a vigilance committee. .: To their great surprise they - suddenly found . a man,', against whom a eood deal of suspicion" had : been directed, j working vigorously, among them ■- to bring about the desired organization. :, He seemed so earnest L in bis effort, that the farmers became con vinced that they had done him Injustice, that he was sincere, and they made him the leader of their band. ", .. Soon after the committee .was organ ized, a farmer,' not a member of the com mittee, was robbed and murdered ou the highway. >' The -leader of tins organ ization i directed {suspicion to young > man in the community who waa iv the habit of getting drunk and breaking up "spelling schools and other • night meet ings, and the young , man was finally i. i lynched, ■;■'■ protesting his innocence. During- ; the - several ; years X- the 'X.X committee lynched two or three men on the charge of horse stealing, and one other on the charge of highway robbery and murder; but still*' the horse-stealing went on, and men continued to be; waylaid upon the high ways :at night time. At length the s farmer members' of : . the committee found' some reason to suspect that their leader was not right, and turned their attention to investigating. The leader soon discovered what was going on and left '-. the country suddenly, together u with several others. That was the last ever seen of him in .that region; but the farmers found . excellent reasons to be- ' lieve that he was the leader of the horsethieves and highwaymen," 7 that every- man they had lynched was inno cent, and that he had brought about their death to satisfy suspicion. After" the departure of "the leader there wis - no more horse-stealing, robbery and murder in the community. t .} It needs no argument to prove to in telligent people that where lynching prevails the lives of innocent people are in danger; also, that from the very nat ure of the practice it is sure to spread,; unless it is suppressed. Lynching is not confined to any sec tion of the country; it is quite as preva lent in Northsrn as Southern states. Michigan has furnished the last promi nent case of lynching. The state should redeem itself and set an example by bringing every one engaged in the affair to .justice. LOCAL STAGE. "Lnrry the Lord," with K. E. Graham in the lending role, was produced at the Grand last night to an audience that comfortably filled the house. The plot of the piece is sufficiently coherent to pass muster in these days, and as it develops a good deal of tun, any little discrepancy may pardonably be. overlooked. Graham himself is. somewhat odd in his way, therefore an' agreeable novelty in the comedian line. fie carries the line a little too far at times, still his work was quite pleasing. The real Lord Killeen is just a trifle too stilted to be popular or passibly correct; as Maj. Dorincourt, Burt G.Clark has a good conception of the role; Charles E. Graham,, as the German doctor,' presents an exagger ated character, but his lines and doings' seemed to catch approval ; as Jennie Tad pole, the stage-struck chambermaid, -Mamie Cerbi was quite acceptable; Marie Laurens, - in the part of the widow, went through in good style, her singing teing especially well received; Rose Beaudet appeared to advant age in several roles; Edith Craske exhibited really commendable ability as a danseuse. The singing and dancing were up to the av erage as a whole, and to. while an hour away, pleasantly "Lnrry the Lord" is all right. . Miss Marie Wainwright will tonight begin her week's engagement at the Metropolitan opera house, with a magnificent scenic and costume revival of that most brilliant and fascinating comedy,. '' The School for Scan dal." This great play bus uot been seen here for mauy years, and the opportunity to see this world-famous classic should be eagerly welcomed. Played, as it will be, by Miss' Wainwright, Barton Hill, Eleanor Carey, 1 William Ingersoll, Kate Blanche, Nathaniel Hartwig, and all the strength of the admira ble company, it will, no doubt, prove a per formance to be heartily enjoyed and long re membered.' It wiil be repeated on Tuesday night and at the popular price matinee on Wednesday. ' ynHxx: '. BATTLE-SCARRED VET'S KICK* Humorously Answered by a Vet-, . eran Without Battle sears. To the Editor of the Globe. ,,;......-., X. ':' --., My. .attention has been directed to a .vigorous Kick made by Adjt. T. W. Forbes, of Acker '"post, in regard the " order of Pension Commissioner Loch- i ren, that '.'the medical boards which ex amine claimants , for pensions shall be composed wholly of Democrats." Mr.; Forbes is quoted as exclaiming under the inspiration ot his frenzied loyalty: "The decree is a menace' to our- rights aud a reflection upon the Itepublican doctors who have hitherto done careful and conscientious wors upou these boards. Is it to be sup posed tnat a Kepublican doctor is likely to violate his oath ot office and give an old soldier a pension he is not entitled to? Why, then, should the whole system bffrevolution ized now? His easting odium upon an hon orable set of professional men. many .ol whom in a spirit of patriotism fought and bled for their, country, and now. forsooth, the Democratic party says to them, 'Your services to your country are nothing, the ex perience you gained on the battletieid is noth ing, the fact that you have done your duty faithfully in tbe past is nothing; you are a Kepublican, and that is c vary thing; that is tbe head and front of your offending, and in the eyes of the administration is a disqualifi cation for service upon a pension examining board.- ' : __._ ~ Mr. Forbes is excited, unduly excited, I believe. President Cleveland is bound to go to the root of the pension evil, and if, he requested Commissioner Lochren to "put none but Democrats on guard,',' it is no more than . natural under the circumstances. lam a member of the G. A. R., and while 1 am not a pension er nor an applicant for a pension. I would willingly intrust my chances to a medical examining board composed exclusively of Democrats, it in the course of human events it became .nec essary or even desirable to apply for a pension on account of the experience 1 trained on the battlefield. And as a fellow comrade of Mr. Forbes,! don't believe a Democratic examiuing board would "turn him down" should he apply for a pension on account of .-the "experience he gained on the battle field." What battlefield 1 don't know. Should Mr. Forbes, or otner very .en thusiastic heroes of his quality, apply for a pension, the "experience" and the identical battlefield or battlefields where*' he or they gained this dear, experience Would doubtless be fully set lorth in the application. A G. A. R. Private. . St. Paul, May 28, 1893. JINGLES. " A dupe through a theater aisle. . Tripped aioug with a satisfied, smhisle, j. . *And a confident mien . - - '■_ '. That reflected, I wien, i ■ A conceit of nis ravishing staisle. : And he tripped on a lurking chapeau, . Shot forward a furloug or seau. - - y-Xi ;; And the gathered debris ■ ".' .". j ZX Of the same seemed to bis _ ; Like a' relic of long, loug ageau. I y"-. - —Boston Courier. j That congress at Chicago ' ~- i ■--:" j To laughter now betrayed is; ..- .._ i For first the ladies had the floor, .... j And then— the floor the ladies. .. [ ~ pfTyXi - —Atlanta Constitution. \ I know it is May by the grasses green. And the lambs on the hill at play;' I know it is May by the sky serene. ; And the bluebird's tremulous lay. . ' ~- I know it is May, with her charms untold. That lingers the valley about: Oh, 1 I know it is May iv her cloth of gold, _. But— l won't let the furnace go but. • —Truth. A little tonsilitis ■ A touch, eke, of catarrb, A wasted lung .' • ' -" ' ,"" . • And then among " ". Immortals— there you are. —Detroit Tribune. ■There was an old maid .' Who was very much afraid She .would never have a chance to wed ; X. She sighed and she prayed, And was greatly dismayed . To think ah her chances had fled. At last she fell heir ■■- . To a good solid share ; Of a fortune— a million or more; iX i And now she has beaux- ' .'. .• _. In abundance.-and knows - ; She can lake her own pick from a score. \ '■.!•■■■ ■..■ -— Kans.is City Journal; She is now seen npon the street. . -.'■"•._ ... 'Xp -,A gracious smile upon her iif>s, ..'., j ..' 'if And showing off her shaikh faul p.'iX7X' ll&vsp llncased1 Incased in shoes with yellow tips - -^ew York Press. STORIES OF ST. PAUL. Painters have created representations of almost every phase of life; of animals. birds, the human form, both clothed and innocent of adornment, the sea. the sky and other in numerable things. There is one thing, how ever, that no artist has yet ; attempted— the reproduction on canvas of characteristics. The most intimate friends are I the . posses sors of characteristics, ' merely - waitiug tor ■: the requisite surroundings : to bring - them ■ out. These characteristics are not always pleasant, but they are generally amusing to ' an observer. ''On one of ihe St. Paul newspapers Is em- J ployed a young man who has had the reputa tion of being rather fond of drink how and then. .His work has suffered to a consider able-extent I through his failing, and he / finally made the determination to stop. Dur ing the period when he was courting the red j bottle it was customary for him to divide his salary into various parts— one for the pay ment of small amounts of borrowed cash, 'one for the payment: of room rent and the , purchase -of a meal ticket, one. for the sa loons in -. which he had ] contracted small debts and another for . sundries, generally meaning drinks. It was . his custom to com mence on the day following salary day bor- I rowing small sums from those who were em ployed on the paper with him, and . before the week was over he had "touched" a.l of his fellow workmen. ■ -••-.• ■ A few days ago, since the spasm of remorse caused tears to flow from the eyes of some of the saloonkeepers, some" of his | fel lows have been temporarily, in bard straits, all of then? having formerly been among his bankers when the "touching process" was in vogue with him. One of these friends re cently met him on the street as he was stand iug at a corner, waiting for a car. He was jingling a quantity of loose change in his pockets, and between his lips was a cigar. The impecunious friend approached him, and, in a confidential way.asked for the loan of a quarter. s' "l am sorry, old man, but I can't do it," was tbe reply. ■ - "You formerly borrowed of me." .-';'..'" ' ' "Ah— yes, but I have stopped borrowing and lending. 1 have made a rule to that effect."/ '■'■ How soon is the faint light from the torch of assistance forgotten as the pilgrim comes out into the sunlight -of prosperity from the cave of gloom.- But how welcome was the light of the torch at the time. She plumped down in the seat of the Selby avenue grip after the tall young man had arisen to make way for her, and she smiled and nodded her thanks as ■ she fanned her self with a copy of Literary Northwest. . She had been shopping, and she started to tell him all about the new styles in the stores. He"listened politely, but did not appear to be very anxious to hear nil about it. "Oh, that Miss Smith has on an awful looking bonnet," she finally said, as the mag azine- performed a staccato movement in front of her face. "It is an awfully dowdy looking thing, and I would be ashamed to wear it if I were in her place. lam sure that it is a last year's affair trimmed over. It is so funny that she dresses in the manner she does,aud at the same time she puts on all the airs of a princess. They say that . she is en gaged to some young man, and I pity him, poor fellc .1 wonder who it can be ; ao you know?" : "I understand that it is my brother," quietly replied the young man. as he looked in an opposite direction at. an old woman with a market basket on her arm, and grinned to himself in a delighted way. Her race looked as though a prismatic mir ror had been flashed jin it. and she forgot to say good-by to the polite young man as she f hurriedly left the car at the foot of the hill. "" •" • SSSSSS^Sr! - _* After the goods were unpacked in the new 'house and some semblance of a home had '•been improvised out of the chaos of- fur niture, it was found that the large clock, the only one in the house, had been broken, and it was impossible to temporarily repair it so that it would run. 'XXX-i "It's all bosh, Mary, this buying of expens ive clocks," he said, after he-had jammed his thumb with the screwdriver. "I'll go down town and gat one of those 9i)-cent clocks with flu alarm, and it will do just as well as an expensive one.'"! really think that it will ruu better than a large one." That evening: he -brought home the clock. It was an innocent-looking affair of nickel and dn; with about three pounds of ; heels , and an alarm bell screwed on the top. He i "carefully set the alarm in what Ihe thought was the pi oper place and then retired to rest'" The lights we're' turned out, the cars ; had stopped running, and everything was as quiet as the grave, with the exception of a 'manly snore from the nasal organ of . Mr. Summit. Suddenly there was a jingling and jangling as of a multitude of sleigh beils.and it did not take Mr. Summit long to spring out ot bed and swear. i ■_ "I didn't think that there ; was; a burglar alarm iv the /house." he whispered as the : noise continued. j "He must be trying to get in at the front window.".- • Mr. Summit took*his revolver,' . stepped silently down stairs, and after quietly open ing the door he blazed away in the air with his revolver. He told the policeman that a burglar had.beeu trying to get in, but that he had shot at him and compelled him to run away. r .-..,/.' ; : ; "The burglar alarm is a great thing," said Mr. Summit.complacently.as he jumped into bed and placed his revolver on a chair in readiness for more attacks.' ~,~.' ( 'i "So ia a cheap alarm clock, if it i 3 set ; right," replied Mrs. Summit, as she planted I her cold feet in their accustomed place. Mr. "Summit declined to hear her, and he was soon snoring again. £?§§§§ - rXXXxiHH ' Mr. Walker looked with pleasure on the new paper ou the walls, the clean back yard, and the view from the front window. ; "I am sure we shall be pleased with our new home, my dear," he said to his pretty ! little wife. "Now you step out of the way and your husband will show you how to put the stove up in a jiffy." , He gave her a tender kiss as. she took his coat to hang behind . the door, and he then set to work with a happy whistle. The stove .was quickly set iv place, (he first two lengths of pipe were set up. and with a continuation of the whistle the work progressed.. - There was somelhiug wrong with the fifth joint, but the whistling kept ou for some time. All of the joiuts were taken down and tried again and again. Then the whist ling stopped. He looked perplexed, and there was a suspicion of a scowl on his face. The joints were all tried again and again, with no better success. Then he became a little out of patience, and . his wife asked him what .was the matter. He said that d—d stovepipe .would not fit, and he was sure that the dray man had got the lengths mixed up with some other man's pipe. She asked him if -he had tried it in a certain manner. Dat "he declared fiercely that women knew nothing about i putting up a stove. Finally he became red in the face as ne inadvertently tried it in lhe manner suggested, and the pipe was in place. He was kneeling down in front of the stove tryiug to get the fire started when sdddenly there was ; a -crash," a ! falling of blinding soot, and the lengths of pipe came clattering down about his head. jti There was more \ whistling. He shouted r out a vehement expression iv which there were a number of dashes, and commenced : kicking the lengths iot stovepipe over the house. The pretty new paper was covered with soot, the pictures were festooned with 'streaks of black cobwebs, ', and : . the air was '-'filled with profanity and black dust. _ *J Mrs. Walker hurriedly siezed the first thing Which she discovered; the baby's hood ; and . ieloak.and started across lots for her mother's ' house. _■' ' ; . " :X- "xx, -'X ■■"■.■' she could not bo pursuaded to return until her father aud brothers had gone over ; and helped put up the ssove. - • • -§§§£§§- •- One bright afternoon a few days since, one of the reporters on" an evening paper in St. Paul, the newest reporter on the staff, was assigned to interview some . of the colored S citizens along Fifth street, v iv : reference to . the game of "craps.". He was to get . into ' a game and fiudo ut what he could about it for the purpose of writing a' '-feature." : - The young man started out, his heart fllled with -a" sense of his importance In being i given such an assignment and his. pocket comfortably filled with small change."?. He was confident of success, much more. so than was the city editor.' and he. was already map ping out iufhis mind what he would write about the game.< . - • It was the next ; morning ; when he showed vp r at'.the';6fliice.-;"-:Ue.sneaktd. up the back stairs, took a couple of papers and wrapped theiu "around; the remnants <>f his clothing. ii.td men .went iii.v -thj office of lh a city ■ 'editbrl^^^^^^^^^ 1 " iX;'.': 'Xy "Ah, ha, what success?" asked the city editor as he noticed the i woe-begone expres sion on the face of the new reporter. "., "Huh they took me and threw me out into the street and V set the dog on me," said the young reporter.at the same time unwrapping the newspapers and exhibiting the wreck beneath. "Can you write anything about the game?" asked the city editor. "No, they didn't give me time to see any hing." 9B^PwQP@R9SB»4 "Well, you go around to the tack door . of the Ryan hotel and ask them for something to eat, and then write .up j your experiences as a ragged tramp. I will see that you get an order on the office for a new suit of clothing, which will be taken out of your salary. You need a new suit." But the article never appeared. The young reporter wrote to a friend and asked to have his valise sent to Chicago, where he had ob tained a position in a restauraut. ' . stiffs There was a suspicious glitter about the nap of the tall hat which he wore, and his clothes shone In the sun from the effects of many polishings by the tailor and repairer. His shoes were, in need of a coat of blacking, and his gloves were worn out at the tips- His hair would have presented a better ap pearance if the barber had bean called in to take a few inches off it. and on his face wtw a growth which denoted that he and the ton sorial artist had not held communion for many days. - He ambled into the office of the Globe, and under his arm was the fatal roll of paper. "Editor in?" he asked with a comprehen sive look at the reporter, who was engaged in writing. He evidently knew, from the fact that the man he addressed was working, that he was not the editor. He was told that tho editor was out and he then took a chair, which stood conveniently near, and com menced unrolling the paper which had nestled under his arm. . "Now I wish to show this to you, not for criticism, but to give you a chance to see a good thing which I have composed. You may read it if you desire." He was told that an immense pressure ot business would prevent an immediate enjoy- - ment of the intellectual repast, but if he cared to leave it. the Globe man would be pleased to enjoy it later on. - '.'"lia! you are like the rest," he replied, as he started for the door. "You will always.re gret that you missed it. I will say farewell with regret that youth is so lacking in com prehension of the great." As he went out he dropped a slip of paper from the roll, and on lt was written: Borrowed from Whitelaw Reid, 50 cents; President Harrison, 75 cents; from J. J. Hill, 10 cents, etc. A few days ago a young man. accompanied by a pretty girl who wore a bonnet decorated with pink roses, called at the residence of a minister who lives on the West side. He asked if he could see the minister, and when that individual admitted them to the sitting room, said they desired to get married. The minister rubbed his hands in prospect of a fee, and after a few short preliminaries the bride and groom were placed in the center of the room, the members of the family gath ered around, and the ceremony was started. "I suppose you believe in marrying for love," said the youug man in a jocular man ner to the minister. "I certainly do," was the reply. "Let'er go then," said the young man, as he felt in his pockets for the ring. . The ceremony was quickly performed, and the young man started to put on his gloves again. As they neared the door, not a word had been said as to a fee, the young man said: "I'm glad you believe in marrying for love. Susy and I have but little money for starting housekeeping, and we are glad that you be lieve in marrying for love alone."' "I— think there is some mistake— l— l" But they had disappeared in the darkness. A pretty- miss was coming down Third street yesterday afieruoou in all the glory of a new spring suit, ribbons and flowers, and a ; fat, wheezy little pug dog, which she led by a long ribbon. " Up Third street walked a young man look ing into the windows for the purpose of noting the effect of his new Spring overcoat. He wore a silk hat. carried a cane, and dan gled a pair of yellow gloves iv one hand. . He was looking iv at the window, and the young lady, was looking across the street .where a milliner displayed .' a . number of ex. traordinary styles in headwear. The dog was ambling along in a self-satisfied manner, and Just as they were passing on the side walk the dog espied another animal in the street. He made a sudden rush. for the loose dog, the ribbon caught the young man around the knees, and; then the animal re turned to the side of his mistress, but not be fore he had made the circuit with the ribbon of the young man's legs. He tried to free himself from the surrounding influences of the ribbon, the dog tried to get around, some where, anywhere out of the way. The young lady screamed, blushed and tried to loosen her pet, and the young man laughed in an aggravating manner. Filially the dog made a sudden rush be tween his legs, the ribbon held fast, and he tried to jump out of the way, but there was a sudden mingling of young man, ribbon and . dog which was a sight to see. He sat on his new hat, the light-colored coat was dis colored from contact with the sidewalk, and when he got to his feet he swore audibly. The young lady hid her blushes and con fusion in a neighboring store, and the young man made for the nearest saloon. The crowd enjoyed it immensely. One of the members of the Grand stock company had an amusing and rather excit ing experience the other morning, but she basso far kept it from being printed. She stops at one of the large hotels, and on coming home after the theater she decided that she would have a bath. It is unneces sary to enumerate the manner in which she prepared for it, but she did not leave any superlative garments on as she slid out of her parlor and into the bath room on the floor below. She gloried in the bath and remained there for some lime. It was delightful, and she felt greatly benefited from the contact with the cold water which made her rosy flesh glow and her eyes to shine. After tha bath was completed she started for her room again. .^ " f "Let me see, what is the number of ray room?" she asked herself in a perplexed manner. It was no use trying to think. She thought' and thought, she went up one ball and down another uutil she was tired and frightened at the prospects of meeting some one. Finally au inspiration struck her, and she returned to the bath room, where a bell was located. I The bell boy and the night clerk had a good augb over the affair. It did not tako them long to discover the number of the room oc cupied by Miss — '-. She has declared that whenever she leaves her room" again she will take the key with her. Franc R. E. Woodward. STATE PRESS NOTES. The Le Sueur Sentinel hits Bob Dunn this way: It is said that Bob Dunn is grooming himself for the Republican nomination for state auditor in 1894. Perhaps that is why "Bob" has given It out cold that he has had enough of the legislature. --•_>>> -V The Mankato Daily Review remarks: According to the report of the United States geological survey of 1892, just issued, Minnesota stands third in rank among the states in the amount of iron produced, and strange as it may appear to the average reader, passed both New- York and Pennsylvania. The total out put vvas 1,255366 long tons, or 7.7 per centof the total for the United States. The Stillwater Gazette says: It seems perfectly " proper that the Minnesota delegates , to. the anti-trust convention should Day their own bills to the con vention", which is to meet iv Chicago in a few days. . : Here's a pointer from the .liokah Chief: Bass, pike and pickerel are caueht at the river dam large quanti ties and large sizes. -Demorse claims he caught a pike that " weighed sixteen pounds, and his 'eyes were the size of Schoulau's largest hen's eggs. '.'-Wooley. is credited with: spooning out a dozen bass in an hour, and so we .might go on with many more mentions.- -"■ Always Use Piatt's Chlorides -.*•.: ■ iii im f '|i ' > ii' "i. 'Minikin tumgxftX^ for household disinfection. You will \hkQ.U;xXiXXX-X.-r'i.i . iX'.X: ■'" THE FOUR HUNDRED. Is it not very Strange that the Spanish prin cess forgot to stipulate the acquaintance of- Mr. and Mrs. Ward McAllister as one of the requirements upon which depended her visit to this supposedly republican country? Could it bave escaped her princely memory or— perish such a base insinuation— can it be possible that her royal mightship has never heard of Mr.McAUister and theFourllundred? Away with such a thought: If it be true, Spain must be more uncivilized than we sus pected or dreamed ot. We understood they had bull fights, a queen and a grown-up. married infant, nor was much in the way of education or general information to be ex pected, but never to have heard of the Four Hundred : Such ignorance is unpardonable outside ot Central Africa. Is it safe to allow the inhabitants of such a benighted country to run around loose? Couldn't congress drop the Chinese question and take steps to appoint a number of competent missionaries to run over to Spain and convert tho aborigines from such gross ignorance! Is it right, my friends, for us. as a Christian nation, to allow our Span ish brethren to continue to live, or worse, to lie down and die, with absolutely no knowl edge whatever of New York's Four Hundred? Never to know how the Four Hundred dress, how they use their forks, how* they walk wheu they think the proper time to use the spoon, how to make an introduction prop erly, how they speak to a coachman, nor how they thins? I hopa no harm will come tome if I have unjustly accused them of "thinking;" I am aware of the fact that many of them do not approve of such a frivolous proceeding. I think it would be a splendid idea to appoint a committee to look. Into this missionary matter. I might men tion Bill Nye. President Cleveland. Dr. Briggs and Gov. Flower as au appropriate committee. The Spanish visitors will certainly ?ruo their mistake, and it is really surprising that Mrs. Cleveland, with her ever-ready tact, did not request a private interview with the infant— strange as it may seem, Spanish princesses never become full grown— en deavor to rectify her social mistake. Imagine how impressive would have been the sight of Mister Fifth Ward McAllister trotting down to the wharf to greet her infautship, carrying as a small token of es teem the golden keys and freedom of Nob dom enclosed in a Dutch box which his fifty-fourth grandfather — counting back- wards— brought from Holland. Perhaps it would be well to explain here that McAllis ter is an aristocratic old Knickerbocker name his ancestors having landed here about the year 55 Annie Dominie. Of course the Four Hundred would come tagging after him, all dressed in their Sunday clothes and the new coat-of-arms with which we have been threatened. Each member of tho exalted Four Hundred would be accompanied by a footman bearing the genealogical tree and pedigree of the family. After the leader had made an enthusiastic speech welcoming such cobalt— blue blood to these plebiau shores, he would offer his services to superintend a Delmonico ball or an English hunt on Spanish jennets. Then imagine the lofty Spanish manner with which the iufaut would turn to her suit— princesses only have one suit, sort of a combination garment I suppose— and culling forth my lord of the privy purse, haughtily instruct him to "distribute a few pence amongst these seemingly worthy people." Would the Four Hundred be Insulted? No, indeed; but what an awful squabble would take place as each one struggled to annex a penny thrown by a real. live, full-blooded aristocrat. Many would be carried helpless from the battlefield, having come suddenly in contact with the rimbs or branches of their neighbors' genealogical trees. How impos ing would be the bearing of the lucky ones, a3 they scampered sedately home, to prepare an iron case in which to preserve the sacred relic for their republican posterity. Nad it not been for the painful lapse of memory on the infanta's part we would now be gazing in rapt admiration on our Four Hundred as they drove to a Spanish bull fight in ox carts, dressed In Spanish hats, Spanish coats, Spanish mantillas and Span ish manners. Everything would have been Spanish. The Four Hundred ladius would have blackened their hair and cast languish ing glances from beneath lace head-dresses, whilst their cavaliers would have gone about in sombreros stabbing impossible lovers. Oh! let us sincerely hope that the Four Hun dred will not visit their wrath upon the in fanta's head; a faulty education should not be treasured against' her. I fear the other crewned heads of Europe might consider it a persoual injury if the Four Hundred snubbed the Infanta Eulalie. As I heretofore remarked, we are on the verge of a painful and distressing epidemic. Not cholera, nor small-pox, but a genuine coat-ofarms scare. The Four Hundred want armorial bearings and aristocratic ancestors. As they certainly have money enough to buy anything they wish, doubtless the ancestors will be forthcoming. The knights of merrie old England took their designs from the valorous deeds they had performed and their former occupations. Of course our aristo crats will do likewise How inspiring and artistic will be the bearings of some of our old families. What could be moro elegant than a barouche bearing upon its enameled door a design consisting of a roast turkey on a green field, with roast potatoes resting on a cook's apron and a cook's cap, for a crest? Amongst the many appropriate de vices would be three crowbars, resting on a stone pile, with a striped suit in the corner. Then again, how handsome would De a coupe, bearing as a coat-of-arms, a canal bo.it. argent, surrounded by green peas, rad ishes and onions, decidedly rampant; an other would represent an ancestor of a Four Hundredor driving a street-sweeper with an ash barrel in the foreground; there will be the bloody hand isiilng from a Puritan's cap, clasping air Indian scalp, ami we will know our brokers by the ragged staff, whaling the bull and bear, embroidered on their hand kerchiefs. The pawnbrokers have had their crest prepared for many years: it looks very much like a trio of goose eggs. Will the per sons whose ancestors have resorted io shady methods to obtain their wealth, have a black shield with widows aud orphans weeping in the foreground, and a crow struggling be neath a vulture. 1 could enumerate any number of appropriate designs for our prom inent families, but I do not intend searching out armorial bearings nor dragging up re mote ancestry free gratis. In only one way will our coat-of-arms show up better than the English; we can dispense entirely with the "bar sinister." E. H. K. NOTABLE PEOPLE. Robert W. Duff, the present eovernor of New South Wales, is the first untitled incumbent of that office since Sir Will iam Denison accepted the place in 1855. The empress of Austria, when she travels about incognito, uses indiffer ently the three following names: '•Mine, de Tofna," "Mine. Nicholson" and "Miss Simpson." Senators George. Colquitt and Maxey, all of whom served in tho Confederate, army, are drawing pensions as Mexican war veterans. Not one of them was disabled while in Mexico. The shah of Persia does not possess a railway train of any kind. He goes about Persia in carriages or on horse back, and. although sixty-four years of ace, is still one of the best horsemen in Persia. Queen Victoria has not yet appointed a peer to fill the office of lord-in-waiting at court. It is said that Lord Ash burton, to whom the position was offered, de clined it because he was indisposed "to take a salary for walking backward." .«_■- Donnelly and Fish. Wabasha' Herald. - Ignatius Donnelly and "Doc" Fish have dissolved partnership irrevocably, j and the consolidated fire which they: were wont to discharge at trusts and j plutocrats and such -things has been divided. Donnelly now discharges his individual broadsides at Fish aud Fish directs his -accumulated; shells at Don nelly. With vf these two men, who long posed as leaders of,- the Alliance, talk ing, one about the other, as they are, and each offering; to prove the other an Arnold and an .lscanot, our Alliance iriends surely will not blame us because we have never been able to see in them the original, of a picture representing dual sainthood. . Key. P. C. N. Dwyer, Wyckoff, Mnpr. A PRICELESS^ BLESSING. Father Dwyer's Earnest Endorsement of Kickapoo Indian Eemedies. Wyckofp, Minn., Nov. 17. J Sympathy for Suffering Hu manity leads me to write this. I have Buffered much from Neural* gia and Stomach Troubles, and have tried various medicines, but they were of no avail. Recently, however, I learned of the Kickapoo Indian Rem edies, and have been entirely cured by the use of Kickapoo Indian Sagwa. This priceless medicine of tho Indians, myself as well as a host of others hava used with wonderful success. Yours in truth, P. C. N. Dwyer. s Kickapoo Indian Remedies, Sold by all Dealer* TALES AND TALKS. Bob Scott, lately in the box office of tho Metropolitan, who is now doing the rounds of the Northwestern cities for the Travelers' Magazine, tells a good story of a low comedian In a theatrical company which hj saw play in a town at the head of the lake. The audience had become sore nnd sorry early in the game, because the production was "on the bum," distinctly so. Though some of the performers were quite passable and did their work well, the audience win in a bad humor and hissed good and bad alike. "The incident I refer to." says Hobj "will show whata little thing can sometimes torn the tide. After the hissing had been particularly emphatic nt one point tha comedian, who. by tli3 way, did not lack merit, came on alone. The stage was deal and he made his entry with apparent fear. Marching to the center, ho looked at the au dience quizzically tor a moment, Some on* started to hiss, but the actor raised his »■ hand for Silence. 'Is thero a physician in tho house?' be asked. Immediately there was a hash an a local doctor rose uo. 'Yes, sir, lam a physi cian.* 'All right, doctor,' and the comedian threw his soul into tho effort, 'I wish you'd standby while I sing this song.' Bvery ouo tumbled then to his gam •, gay I him an ova tion, he sang like all >ssed, and an era of good feeling was established for the bal ance of the evening." A well-known young man about town, and old enough to vote, was In the Boston a few days ago. He bought a bill of goods, and ordered the bundle sent to his room?. "What number, please?" asked the clerk. The young man looked puzzled a moment, thru blurted out: "Damfino. Bat if you'll send a boy along I can find the place." The clerk knew a better trick than that, and git the address from the directory. Senator C. it. Davis, of Nicollet County— The new deal in the insane, hospitals is working to a charm. Of course, not a great many people can realize just what changes the new law makes, but to those directly concerned with the management of these in stitutions the relief it brings is very welcome. Where men in charge of wards or rooms have heretofore been "soldiering," loafing or deputizing their work to more or loss in competent substitutes, they are now com pelled to attend strictly to their business. Many people who were at one time opposed tothenr>w superintendent now admit that he is an admirable man for the position. Yes, sir. the Insane hospitals will bo vastly improved by the change iv the law. non. Matt McGrath, of Winona-Tha so. called Peterson bill Is already bearing fruit. Down in our section several elevator com panies have served notice th it after a certain date they will refusa to hold any grain in store, and that thereafter they will refuse to receive grain for storage, Iv short, they will not consent to be public elevators under tht license system proposed by the Peterson bill. What they will do after the law goes into ef fect, Aug. hand when the new crop begins to move, of course I cannot say. but it looks as if tbe governor and other frien is of tho bill will be sadly disappointed as to its ef fect. Representative O. Lendo. of Yellow Mcd- -Well. I voted for the bill because lha governor and other well-posted m m wanted it. If it does not work as they hoped and expected the responsibility will rest on them. Up in my country I have never heard any great amount of kicking on the old system. Personally I have always been treated fairly, A party of gentlemen were discussing tha subject of mixed drinks In one of the large hotels, when a handsome and debonualr St. Paul connoisseur broke in with "You may talk about your whispering ice in crystal goblets, with entrancing mixtures therein, but 'orange brake'— l never heard how it got the name, unless some dallying mortal went broke from the effects— is calculated to stir the pulses of any man's being. You quarter soma nice largo ripe oranges and ice them ma proper receptacle. Sprinkle a trifle of tbe best sugar thereon, and then pour in all the real goo whisky they will soak up. When you eat these it's a good deal like eat ing a sponge, but the effect Is tremendous. The joy of fleeting pleasure is succeeded later on by the time when a man experiences the grief of cats. I don't know yet whether I'll ever try 'orange ike' again or not. It's very swift, believe me." A social session of the Elks is always an occasion of the most enjoyable kind. Thurs day evening the St. Paul lodge of an tiered brothers bad a session that was the biggest kind of a success. Several clever friends of the order gave selections and received gener ous tributes of praise. But th'; surprise of the evening came when Thomas C. Connors, a modest traveling man, was called on, ac cording to the custom that every one shall sing a song, tell a story or pay a line. The presiding genius would not allow him to pay a fine, so Tom concluded to sing, and when he had finished ••After the Hall" the audience concluded he was all right. Though making no pretensions as a vocalist Connors can sing '-like a house afire," and he gave the Bong mentioned in such satisfying style that the listeners were surprised. They made .him sing some more, just to show there was no 111-feeling, and when finally allowed to take his seat Tommy was blushing like a sweet girl graduate. Connors is the same man who tells a good story on a prominent Irish politician in the southern part of tho state. There was one man in town to whom he could not sell any goods, do what he would. One night he met the politician at a little party, and capture! im by the singing of the hitter's favorite song. Then Tom told him his trouble, and the manipulator of caucuses said he'd fix him in a jiffy. Sure enough he di 1. and the enterprising drummer sold a Sisal *11 of goods. On. leaving the place In- asked If tho merchant was solid. "Solid, is it.- T' be shure; he's a delegate t' ivry . conviushiu we -do be bavin." "Yes, I know," says Tom, "but is he good financially?" "Is he good? Of coorse he's' good. Why, man alive, I'll gar nishee him for his hef i in goold." And Con nors was satisfied. /';*. Had No Leather Trousers. Chicago Tribune. ; His Maternal" Parent— l am sorry, Willie (whack), to have to do this. It * (whack) hurts me a "great deal (whack, whack; worse than it does you! Willie (wriggling and shrieking)— No it dou't. You've got a glove on.