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A THE DAILY GLOBE PUBLISHED EVERY DAY i AT THE CLOUR Ulll.Dl-N---. • CORN I*I* FOUR****** AND CEDAR STKEKTS OIFIII'.L PAPER OF HA.USKV COIJN'I V. DAILY (NOTIN* 1.1 DHfiSI SiDAYI. By the iiioiilii, mall or carrier. ...40c **•■<•} ear by earrJer.JiiadVttiiee.Si.OO tune year by uiuil. in advance... 53.00 DAILY AM» Nl M)AV. By ll:e month, mall or carrier.. 50c «l lie year by carrlor.tuadvanoe.SS.OO A.S.V year by mail, In advance. .54. 00 SJ.!-\».V\ ALONK. ler Single Copy... live Cents IhrcolSouCbtt. mall or carrier.. 50c ♦Luc Year, by carrier *1 *>° •Une'Year. by mail M ** ui:i:iu,v st. PA I I. (iIOBK. One year, Sl I Six mo., t-."c I Three mo., 33c Address all k'-.lers and telegrams to THE ULOBcI. St. Paul, Miuu. Trstcrn A£*cer'iißiiig Office-Room 517 Temple Court Building, Mew York. V A SUING TUN BUREAU, 14 5 V ST. NW. Complete fdcsof the always kept on band fur reference. Patrons and mends ure cordially Invited to visit and avail ihera telves oi lie facilities of our Eastern offices vhen iii New York and Washington. ■ » — . i(JI) t\*'.*. V.'K.Y t'HKK. Washinuton. Oct. 13. — indications: For Minnesota: Fair; warmer; winds shifting to south. Wisconsin: Fair; north winds, shifting to south: warmer Sunday evening. .Montana: Fair; west winds: colder in northern -, onion. Iowa: Fair; winds shifting to south, and warmer. 'lie Dakoias: General winds, shifting to ton h; warmer in eastern portion. BATCHES. Boston .'I M uiitrcal 58-82 Biiifalo tO-Sl New York 58-88 Chicago 41-ls Pittsburg 41-t>-; Cincinnati 48- t.| — .st. Well, Japan, Wi .hi do it? iMfc Tom Reed is to talk in Minneapolis. Is this a flag of distress from Uncle Loren? " Robert J hasn't spoken a word since Online paced a quarter in twenty-nine seconds. _ P Nelson is also swinging around the circle a bit. lie spoke at Grand Forks last night. Heavens, will this cup never pass; Anion:! Mr. Howard's forty stolen passes was oue Pullman pass. -«- You must register — a solemn vow to vole the Democratic ticket. Reform must take no backward step. , on The "calamity howlers" should spend today reading in the newspapers the story of the return to prosperity. The West has the name of being a ereat hustler, but the West must take off its hat to the Eastern traiu robber, Fitzsimmons Is about to display the white feather. Possibly it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to start a millinery store in Pekin. The Montana capital fight is affording a lot of people the opportunity to even uu old scores with Marcus Daly. The latter is also doing a little "squaring." The Minneapolis Journal last even in*; put Joel Heatwole on a jackass and labeled him David B. Hill. The Journal is right; Joel is on his way to Waterloo. A Kentucky church has suspended Col. Breckinridge from communion un til Feb. 1. 1895. The ladies of the grand old Southern commonwealth can now turn to and pray tor the colonel. •'Bloody BmiiLEs" Waite seems to be certain of re-election as governor of Colorado. Even the president and secretary of the Kepublican League of Colorado have deserted to his standard. • The tine Italian hand of William D. Washburn was felt in Washington county yesterday. The heavy hand of the Washington county voter will be laid npon Mr. Washburn's man in No vember. Levi Mokton having giveu his party a bath of ice water by employing a tor eign coachman, it will have to do a deal of hustling lo set iiselt right with the workingineii. Is ex-Labor Commission er Peck still alive? -^- The organization known as the New York State Democrats is refreshingly frank. It announces that it will fuse with .Republicans whenever possible, and with Tammanyites whenever possi ble. This looks like a case of anything to get the offices. ™^*i^fc . McCutcheox. the cartoonist of the Chicago Record, is doing some very excellent work. He hits off this swing lm* around the circle and two and three-minute speeches of McKinley at railway stations with a picture of a sleeping car with Mckinley's face protruding from the curtains of his berth, and the porter, with his fingers to his cap. saying to the governor, "i'ou must excuse me tor calling you up at 2 o'clock iv the inawnin', Mr. McKinley, but we've stopped at Grass Valley Junction, and there's two night switchmen want you to come out on the back platform and tell them how it is that the foreigner pays the tax." I BE The Welshmen who slipped through the open gates ot the contract labor law, and came to this country to engage in the manufacture of tin-plate, are re fusing to accept the cut of 25 per cent in their wage-Land are returning to Wales, where the tin-plate manufacturers are offering them work aud holding out in ducements for them to return. This '■ indicates that a reduction of *"5 per cent in the wages paid for this work brings the wages below those paid in Wales, and thai a lower rate of tariff than 25 per ceut would amply compensate for the difference in labor cost in that coun try and in this. The McKinley rate on tin plate was 2.2 cents a pound, the ad valorem equivalent of which was about 78 per cent. The new act reduces the rate to 1.1 cents a pound, or one-half of what it formerly was, with an equiva lent ad valorem rate of about 40 per cent. This rale, then, is double that which would be necessary to make up the difference in the labor cost. It follows that no reduction of wages at all Is necessary to put our tin-plate manufacturers upon a level with those of Wales, and shows further that the reduction of wages, as lias been charged, was made merely tor political effect in the pend ng congressional elections. BHoweveb much every Democrat may detest the American Protective associa tion, they will none of them sympathize with the indignation ' shown by Pat Egan, ex-minister to Chili, and others of his class, who went into the Kepnb i : Lean party for revenue purposes only, and ate now _ protesting '■ vigorously against the manner in which the Re publican party nurses and coddles that, offspring of superstition and bigotry. Mr. Egan has no reason to" complain of the Kepublican parly, or to reprove it for its sympathy with Apism. lie went into the party for revenue, and it lias fully repaid him for his services. The Republican party will certainly lake this view of the"case, aud pay uo atten- * tion to Mr. Bean's protest." .NO HOUX SOI. OiI-' US. PLBASi:. General Schofield. in his annual report to the secretary of war, strong ly urges a large increase ' in the standing army of ■ the nation, In doing this the general*' is prob ably yielding to that not "unnatural disposition of men charged wiih. the administration of some one of the vari ous departments of our 'governmental system, to lose sight of Its proportional• relation to the whole system and to magnify its particular and peculiar value and importance and the benefits which will inure from its enlargement. We see this disposition in every branch of our service, from tiu head ot the. great departments in Washington down to the boards of our municipalities.' All of their recommendations are in the direction of increased facilities and en larged operations. Bach head discovers new fields into which the energies of his department might be put, and from them all there comes annually a chorus of demands for increased appropriations" and extended facilities. Aside from the ; unmeutioned but probable reason for the recommenda tion of Gen. Schotield, the public will look with some curiosity at the reason he assigns why. in a time of profound peace, with no possibility of .war with any nation, exempt from all those com plications out of which wars grow, and occupying a position in which war could only result from our own unjust and indefensible action, he. urges the increase of the army. The possibility ot a war with some foreign nation can be set aside as of no weight, anti the only other reason assigned by him is the labor troubles of the present year. He refers to the fact that during this year a large part of the army has been employed in suppressing domestic vio lence, which took the form iv many cases of --forcible resistance to the exe cution of the laws of the United States, the seizure or destruction of property under the care of United States officers, and in defiance of national authority." Fortius purpose lie says the militia of the states and the police power of the municipalities are not adequate to en force the execution of the federal laws. An army that was adequate twenty-live years ago, when there was uo danger of disorder known to exist, is inade quate now, when the population has more than douoled. "it was a wise forethought," he says, "in apparent anticipation of such conditions as those which have confronted the government' within the last year, that dictated sev eral years ago the policy that estab lished under authority of congress large military posts near the great business and railway centers of the country." These he recommends should be com pleted and others established. A change that is striking and mo mentous has taken place within the last few years in the relations of our stand ing army to the people of the country. It is but a few years ago that that army was scattered in posts along our front iers, and solely occupied either iv tiie pursuit of hostile Indians or in guard ing the frontiers against their incur-' sions. Here and there on the Atlantic coast were a few fortifications built to protect our harbors, and manned "by a company or two of regulars. But in the broad expanse between the frontiers and the seacoast the sight ot a soldier of the regular army was one of rare occurrence. Now. as an adjunct of many of the large cities in the country, one finds a military encampment, manned with the different arms of the service, put there, not to protect the country against a foreigu invader, but from our own citizens. The "wise forethought" of the party which has dominated this country for many years felt intuitively that the in evitable result of its policy of favorit ism would produce a discontent which might break out into open violence, and that the police and local militia, victims of the same policy which caused the outbreaks, and possibly sympathizing with it so it would be unable to. sup press disorder, provided these encamp ments, where the military arm of the government might be ready to repress speedily and successfully the disorders which the legislative arm of the gov ernment had created. Whatever of disorder or its causes that exists now which did not exist twenty-five years ago is not the result of the growth of population.as Gen. Schofield seems to think, but is the result of the develop ment of conditions under the operation of bad legislation; and the remedy lies, not in attempting to redress those re sults by force, but in repealing the laws that created them. If the plain causes of disorder are to continue, then the recommendations of Gen. Schofield must be heeded, and not only must the regu lar army of the nation be very largely increased, but the militia aud all the police forces of the states and munici palities must be also enlarged. The force of disorder must be met by the constantly increasing force of order, and we will travel that path until social disorders and suppression of disorders become the chronic condition of the country. Either this, or we must take the back ward track to those conditions which prevailed when the present social dis orders were the "unseen danger" to which Gen. Schofield alludes. Take off this meddlesome and inlerfe ring hand of the government, which is reaching everywhere more and more into the affairs ot men and disturbing the natural relations whose accompaniment is peace and contentment.Stop pandering to greed under the specious pretense of protect ing and guarding the interests of men. Break down the- walls which privilege has built about itself. Set men free j again, and leave them to their own re sources, making them self-reliant and self-helpful, and the disorders which the general of the army asks for an in crease of the military force to repress will subside in the era of peace and con tented industry that will follow. CH-lKLi'-'Y FOSTKR .IS - GLUM. Two Ohioans were prominent in the administration which came in in 1S8!) with a whoop-la and went out in 1893 in gloom. One of these was Charles Fos ter, secretary of the treasury; the other was William McKinley, chairman of the ways and means committee of the house. That administration was dis tinguished for three great measures. One was the Sherman silver purchase act. another the dependent pension act, and the last, but not least, the McKin ley protective tariff act. which was to make everybody rich by taxing every body. The second of these acts was oje of charity, pure and simple. The other two were the embodiment of that idea of the Republican party that the government should regulate aud super- - Vise the business affairs of everybody, " IMlll iiwiininlmii hiiiiiii n iin i n i -. . THE SAINT TAUT, DAILY GLOBE: RTjNDAY ... W O RX INK* OCTOBER 14. ■ 1814 —SIXTE EN" PAGES. it beiiwr more capable of doing that than lite people are themselves. "7 ! V' Of the two acts the McKinley act was .the one which look the business interests nt the country more particu larly under its sheltering wing, and di rected the people of the country how to trade. Little more than a year after the passage of McKinlev's big business regulator he demonstrated his incapac ity to manage even his own business. - Later the business man of that admin- "' ■stratum, Us secretary of the treasury.-, became a bankrupt, anil his all' lira have ■been recently settled by a receiver, his assets beiiiL- some lid or 40 ceuts ou the dollar. The special interests which Gov. McKinley had so well served had gratitude enough to promptly pass around the bat and raise a sufficient sum to meet all his liabilities and re store him to his former position of pros perity. Mr. McKiul.ey is now swinging around the great circle and bewailing the departure of the prosperity winch his business administration gave to the country. It is rather remarkable that that other ornament of this business-regulating administration, Charley Foster, ls main taining au intense silence and does not join his fellow Unman iv pointing to the year lS'Ji as one in which "every factory was operated to its idlest ca pacity and every man wanting work found it at remunerative wages." Pos sibly this is due to the indifference of those, people who rushed to the tiuancial aid of Gov. McKinley and left Secretary Foster to settle with his creditors as best he could. Anyway, Mr. Foster is not singing the praises of McK'mleyism or pointing with any degree of pride to the prosperity that followed under - that wonderful piece of humbug. .* .MR. MOUTO.V.-. COACHMAN. Levi I. Morton is the Republican nominee for governor of New York by the grace of floss Piatt Morton was elected as vice president of the United States in ISSS, and as such presided over the deliberations of the senate. One of the acts of that body, which, with the aid of its co-ordinate branch, succeeded in bringing, as ex-Senator Ingalls said, "upon the most magnificent political organization that ever existed the most overwhelming defeat," was an act which prohibited any person from bringing into this country any alien, or any alien from coming here under any contract, expressed or implied, made previous to the coming here of such alien, to per form labor or service of any kind in the United States. This act was merely a sop thrown to the growling Cerberus of labor, which had begun to recognize the absurdity of inhibiting or restricting the importation of the products of laboi and permitting free access to foreign labor.' It was not intended to be taken seriously by anybody, and especially by those who wished to employ labor to take the place of protesting aud strik ing Americans. Mr. Morton, as vice president, signed this act, and it became immediately a dead letter, galvanized into life only for partisan or malicious purposes. Mr. Morton spent Lis usual season abroad, and while there employed one Howaid as his coachman, and he served him so well that the ex-vice president thought it desirable to retain his services after his return home. Consequently. Mr. Howard came to this country, and en tered the service of the ex- vice president at Rhinebeck as his family coachman, or rather ai one of them, as it seems he has several. The act provided that persons thus imported might be arrested and deport ed. Very much to Mr. Howard's -sur prise, who doubtless harbored the Dem ocratic idea that the right to life, liberty aud the pursuit of happiness involved the right to labor wherever he could find work, and for whom he might, he was arrested the other day by one of the commissioners of immigration tinder a charge of violating this contract labor act, and is now held awaiting deporta tion. An interview with Mr. Morton shows that he, too, is equally surprised at the application to him of the act which he, as vice president, officially certified; and which his party, expert in its devices for fooling labor, enacted with the tac.it understanding that it would amount to nothing. Mr. Morton says tnat this man was in hi- employ in London, and that, when he went to the continent and had no use for his services there, he sent him to New York and has retained him as his secoud coachman since. He says that he was not aware of any infringe ment of the law, believing that he acted within its provisions, which permit, he supposes, the bringing into this country of persons in the domestic service of the family. Mr. Morton, as vice ' presi dent, did not rend with sufficient care the act which he signed, and in this trap he now finds his fingers. Section sof that act provides that, nothing in it shall be construed to prevent persons who are citizens or subjects of a foreign couutry. temporarily residing in this country, from engaging, under contract or otherwise, persons not residents of the United States to act as household domestics for such foreigner. But no where in the act is any provision that a citizen of this country may employ a foreigner and import him or her to act as a domestic servant. The act was a farce in its conception and purpose, and has not prevented the importation of labor into this country whenever manufacturers found it con venient. The law broke down under its first test, when it was attempted to prevent the importation of workmen for the tin plate mills; but wo believe that it did in its early days prevent the engagement abroad of teachers for uni versities and colleges in this country; and we believe a minister of the gospel, who was imported to preach the brother hood of man and the fatherhood of Cod, was tried and convicted, aud de ported. There -is a grim comicality in this ap plication to Mr. Morton of the act which he officially ratified as vice presideut, and whose character as a sop to labor he so well understood that he did not inform himself of the provisions of which he now finds himself a surprised victim. - As to poor Howard, the situai tion is not at all comical. SCHOOL TIME. ■ Bunker Hill, Mo., has the spirit of '76. The whole school there struck against a teacher the parents didn't like, and for weeks not a single scholar appeared. In the same interesting state it's get ting to be common to give school holi day on Monday instead of Saturday. James N. Lougee. of Hodgdon, Me., has taught school for ninety terms. He must have worn out several dozen switches. Massachusetts pays male teachers $118.07 per month, females s4B. l7. That's the average for the whole state. In New York the rates are much lower. . F. Lafcadio Uearu, the author, is a teacher in a public school in Japan. - In the university there the post of ■ pro fessor of the Japanese language is held | by au Englishman, Prof. Chamberlain. •;^HIBAM*?IN. THENJNIH." Tiiere is only one section of the oily, which can iM'gln to "compare in its' re cherche ..social attributes with Summit avenue. That section is Merriam hill. Although one wouldn't think it, Merri am hill is in the very center ot the bloody Ninth ward. < - A leader among those who so a til maintain tftejsofri-il ton of Merriam hiili is Hon. Hiram & Stevens. lion, Hiram? wears the senatorial toga, and ,he is anxious '^extremely anxious, it is said— to keep on wearing it, at least for four years longer. He is. moreover, a lawyer, and. aceoidiug to the genera! consensus of opinion., a very smooth man— of those velvet politicians who never maim mistake more serious than that of shaking hands with undue cordiality • around election, time wl h^Uipse to whose existence he remains totally ob livious during lhe remaining eleven months of lite year. ' ' ■ '■ ' > ""**■>, Between the senator's political and his social ambition there arises occasion ally a conflict of jurisdiction, so to spead. Th« one calls on. him to appear exclusively in the garb of the society youu:r man; the other * makes him the friend of liie ' woiUingniaii, at least to the extent of sporting for evening use what in the expressive vernacular of the Celt is known as a "caubeeu.'.'suriuount iuir other habiliments which would for ever exile him from the scented atmos phere of the hill. Indeed, it is hinted that just at this lime the Metriiim hill senator i* posing as an aicricuiturist, and holds out his linger nails as proof of his loyalty to the cause of the Populist. However well, or ill-founded. Ibis latest assertion ot Hiram's versatility may be, it is quite evident that since the opening of his latest campaign for senator he hasn't cultivated his manicure any too careful ly. Wt.eii he grasps the helm ot a schooner of Ninth ward beer, and his linger nails come in contact with the exhilarating fluid, it is known that the foam dies away and a very dull tint overspreads the amber beverage. One evening last week the senator carefully dressed himself in his election toggery and hied him forth to prove his devotion to the downtrodden. Standing iv the shadow of one of the adjacent sauduits was the senator's right bower, the inimitable Sadie. "Hullo, senator!" came from the sand pit. "Hullo. Sache!" was the response. "What is our itinerary this evening, old man." "Our what, senator?'" •'By Jove, I forgot. This will never do— that is to say, where are we bound?" __JM "There's a dance down at Mike Mc carty's tonight, Hiram. Let's — — " "That's right, old man. Hiram— that's my name. Let us avoid putting on airs. It is obnoxious to the free born American. Who's down at Mike's, by the way?" "Oh, quite a crowd. ■ You see. Judge Howard and me fixed it so that a lot of the boys will be down there at 8:80 o'clock. By the way. Sen— Hiram, have you any one-dollar bills about ye? 1 haven't got anything smaller than a ten myself, and that won't do, ye know. We'll have to go it a little easy for a while yet. Mike is a little forgetful once in a while, or * his eye sight isn't good. 1 don't know which it is, but he is far from particular about his charge— " '•■"..■.... . "Naw bocklesh, me by. Now, how is that, Sache? Will that fetch the terriers, as haviu' the true ring, do ye! think?' .■•.!■-■•-. v ./.-' . :;:; ;>v*-v\ fi .*.*' "Mother o' Moses, Sen --7 : Hiram;*', I mean —who put you on? Why you talk like a native, man." ..:. ; 7v- ' . *.'*'. ;■.' - ■ '- "Just so, Saclie. Diggin thu Gaelga? That's what knocks! You see, Johnny and I have been having recitations for nearly a week now.aml I.'m reading up, too; why I've finished the third chapter already of the life of Bryan Born. Ah, but he was a mighty chief. But.coming back to the real merits of our campaign, Sache: I just caught the Union bank fellows before they closed up for the day, and I've laid in a goodly supply of twos and ones. How much do you want?" There was a somewhat prolonged silence. It was broken by Sache: - "Well, you see. Senator— Hiram, I mean— there's the judge, and I've been thinking, perhaps, it wouldn't be just the thing to let him in on the deal alto gether. Howard is a pretty smooth man himself, and he has a lot of them * terriers with him. He's a bit dignified. - too, and he'll waat to set 'em up on his own account 1 think I'll flash this X un him on the quiet, and—" "But, say, Sache. That man Howard —Tom Howard, isn't it?— why! Sup posing Joe should get on? My Gawd, man; we're skntiu' on thin ice. so to speak. Why, Joe would never forgive me, and without the Pioneer Press- Heavens!— without the Pioneer Press, what would become of me?" A prolonged sh— sh— and a motion for silence were the only response. Pres ently tbe silken-haired judge hove in sight, exclaiming with his customary suavity: jETTftI "Good evening, gentlemen." ; -;■- The senator pulled his "caubeen" still further over his eyes, while Sache an swered: "Ah, good evening, judge." "Going to Mike's, I presume," said the judge. "You judge correctly," answered the senator, waking from his reverie; ana then, struck by his own admirable wit ticism, he cried out merrily to his friend Howard: "Irish wit, judge. Irish wit, y' see. Great people, judge, great peo ple—" Here the sounds of that famous old melody, "Nell Flaherty's Drake," produced on au asthmatic fiddle, greet- - ed the ears of the trio. "Here we are," said the senator." "Sure enough," said Saclie. "Let's get right in," said the judge. ? They stood in frout of what in the Isl and of Saints would be called a "she been." The sound of the fiddls was much louder for a moment, but belore the door had fully closed the music was drowned in the stentorian tones of one : of Hiram's Populist constituents, as he cried aloud in a fuddled way : "Hurrah for the ex-slnalhor. Hurro!". Then there was a bang— the door shut tight, and the reporter found himseif in the cool October nieht air pondering on the uncertainties of reform politics, and wondering how he should meet the city editor's all-absorbing demand for ' "copy.*' AT THE METROPOLITAN. Sol Smith Russell appeared in his most congenial charater at the Metio poiitan opera house last evening, and that is Noah Vale, in "A Poor Relat ion.i The play is anything but -Artistic, but the character of Noah Vale pos sesses an iuterest, because It is tlriwn with care and fidelity enoueh to re. semble a human being, and a human being i with whom everybody sympa thizes. Mr. Russell's portrayal of the role is his happiest performance. He possesses two. qualities in a marked de gree—drollery; and quaintuess ■- and these qualities nre most conspicuous in Noah Vale. The. compauy rendered medioeio support. The house waa large. ?^;^;THE; MEANEST MAN^m, .'Meanness takes many -forms. . An j • liiiliuiiainilis man '*' who made his little girl stand in the front yard and hold up her. hand live initiates as a 'punishment accomplished one- unenviable variety. »!-fcAhotherc.is?, almost incredible, but; v .authenticated, is that of a man in l.a^isimr, Mich., whose horse ran away. ! A brave lad of' ten stopped: it, turned it around and drove it back to inert the owner. The latter. threatened to have Nfim arrested for trying to steal. "the rig. *" Jl - " * ■-.. ">i ;-**:■ * ..' '. - After walking on the shore at? 'Bar Harbor recently, an old woman* took a short cut to the street across a. ..man's lawn. "Don't you know this is private vf>i-ff*iarly?" said .he. "Yes. sir; but. fl Mh*t|igJit' you wouldn't mind. .1 am "eighty-three years old, and very tiled." *<t^d enough to know you "ought to •Jimp (in*-- my lund," was the M. M.'s muttered comment. The Wisconsin l-rakeman who put a little blind boy, Philo . McCoy, off his train, has been denounced as the mean est man, but he was undoubtedly obey ing orders. I'hilo felt his way alone the track by the fence, and finally came to a farm, where he was cared for. An old man entered the office of the Cumberland county (Me.) clerk recently to have two -deeds recorded. The fee wasSl. lie haggled for a cut rate for an hour, and finally put down Hi cents and asked to be trusted for the rest. It was in the same state that a man promised, at a minister's "donation" "a load of tiptop wood," and afterward re deemed the promise with a load of small boughs from tiie tiptop of the tree. ' SHORT "STOPS. A good meater— the butcher. Hammered into fits -horse shoes. %&°~ m °__W3y___ssn_m& ; At work on the streets— the beggars. The ships that pass in the night are not unloaded as fast as the schooners. ; A receiver that receives— the coffin. ' Don't run to the. pawnbroker's. He'll wait for you. What is sweeter than a lovely woman's kiss? Ilei kisses. "Get on to my little pull," as the trolley pole said to the electric car. A house cleaner— the cyclone. Wages that collect themselves— those of sin. "Talk about Flying Jib's fast time," said a seafaring man; "you ought to s*o the jibs fly iv the wind." t"A bad start." coolly remarked the rice track tout as the policeman put litni in the patrol wagon. 'The howling of a doir under a window al] night may not bring death, but it is apt to bring damnation. t i"f like to trade with a man of sense," said the wily customer. "I'm a mau of dollars -I advertise." responded the prosperous merchant. I — - j The Ilea lhat flew away last night i«. Way fly to Ilea another flight; \\l And wbile.be lingers out of sight, ,/ :, M& hjMy **tff u his.tiisht and bite. "Who do you want to see?" asked the janitor of. a bis building near the city hall. "Anybody," said' the blind beg gar. , . - :_ QUEER BUT TRUE. y t Dexter, Mo., has a curfew belt which rings at 9p. m. After that everybody uuder eighteen must get off the streets —go home or to the calaboose. . A Jersey bull in Harrison. Me., twisted his nose ring intoa hazel bush so tightly that he couldn't get away for three days. In the latest "feud" in Kentucky, Charley Cole shot John Stapleton fatally as the result of a quarrel over rive cents. There is a mule in Georgia that "fit into de wah." is now fifty-five years old anil never kicked. < i «§?!*s ~ tz^ i!„ -fes*-** \*y s^m^S^^_l?J JiS/S in the /' l_\*A*Vt\ "■* t,, ' t ' </yJj^ffCy??' u£s3 Morning / y^PtlOP"" SpyS.:to*see the sun rise. You Ss*. J//JyJla^^\ rum must come to our store ~~ y *^<Ls£§^' "** S^«; to see the finest assort sQjS ment of Furniture in the latest designs. WE ARE ft&| VERY STRONG in our assortment of Ladles' «-y*w*j Desks in the most elegant designs, as well as those 'fpAf at low prices. No one shows as many styles in .S-rag Desks of all kinds. - ■'c^-^^y '" mmwwmwvw,w * ftitfyiymi **- I**» ww w w *** mwiw w ' XsiXS '■^ M i - wm excuse onr speaking: of BEDROOM •JESS AW _ I 1 SUITS again, but really we can't help it. S?3 TttkAW V-A w e really can't help talking- about it. He ' SWaI Lsl ' are fllH of -*■■• Tllc three cars J' llst received *S£ftS H Place ns in position to supply the demand iSfciS **H r .7 again. The last lot went so fast th;. t same JWJKJ tm ■ did not -ret what they wanted. If yon need Bedroom Fjf-^g buits, consult your interest by consulting our stock. •i t&fed *****"******"****" ***** **■*■*"■ ■*«««■'■*' *•*■*»} j""*? '•p%* -'* ' Domestic happiness is to no small extent cen y£§S tered in the kitchen. Who ever knew a man to tfSg keep good-natured when his dinner was not well* iS^S cooked? Some are not good-natured at time, '|teK but most people are agreeable if well fed. Is your y^ cook stove a good one? If not, come to see us. We 5&5 have bargains for you in Ranges. A 6- Hole Range, T&lk lar £ c oven ' at '$12.75...' A great procession of I gag Heating Stoves, with the American Ventilator at \ l *« the head. If you have an old stove that don't just suit you, we will take it for what it is worth and 1 . - make you the happy owner of a first-class "up-to date'' heater that will save. you fuel. v - -— - — — ; — ABy our Easy very easy 2&L CL. ' ' ■-* * »■■«. -- . --. - £g Pay-incut Plan, you have __) «k r*AUWPI I Cf\ T*T the use of needed Furnish WW 1 MR TV ti L-, l_, V-/V7 ings Now. and pay the J*V I ""Mfc .•-*.• M greater later, if ,ou _>_ W ■ Ocmpiete House Furnishers. jSSa wait until later, you lose SB ______& ' I^SS^^l 409-411 *V*«l»f»*wsl, *t. ram.. *- TOPICS UP TO. DATE. ; There are certain people in every large _ community whose dispositions ! condemn idem to their own society. St. Paul is not free from them, but one of ; hem is so conspicuous as to dim the luster ot his contemporaries. He is an intelligent man, but morbidly conceited, and because an education availeth little in society it you eat with your knife, rails unceasingly at his betters, and calls them "our Codfish aristocracy." Not because lie hates them -oh. bless you, no— but because they fail to recog nize the nimbus of genius about his head, and fail to welcome him and his pie knife to their inner circles. 7, He is a poet, an author, a statesman, hut alas, nut appreciated; it is vain to endeavor to convince him that Chopping lines into equal lengths and making the ends rhyme does not make the finest brand of poetry; he cannot believe that his monograph ou the political Issues of the day is not a masterpiece; nor can he understand why* some orator was chosen to make the nominating speech in the last convention, while he. all loaded, nrinied nnd cocked with the effort of his life, was not even permitted to be a delegate, for fear he might say some thing. And all these natural events lie regards as the endeavor of a vast con spiracy to keep him from the glory which he thinks is his. '. For all these conspirators he cherishes a carefully nursed hatred that is indic ative of his petty mind. Of late, how ever, he has developed a tendency which proves that he is even beneath an hon est contempt; he now soils pen and paper by disseminating anonymous let ters, abusing everybody; and with that rare discrimination which ever marks the cad. he sends them to literary women who have never heard of him, and who are powerless to resent this moss im pertinence. Who is hey it would give him too much passing notoriety to name him here, but you know him; he is al ways seen with his best and only friend — himself. And it alt goes to prove that universal education is not an unmixed blessinir, and that it is a difficult" feat to make a silken receptacle for money out of the auditory arrangement of an adult lady porker. + t t The arguments which the Pioneer Press uses rewarding the Democratic candidate for sheriff are of that deep, abstruse kind which consists of seuse less abuse ot the nationality of the sub ject of its remarks. A slight resume of the Republican ticket reveals the fol lowing nationalities: m^_m Nam**" - Nationalities Henry Weber Herman Gebhardt Willrieh .._ Prussian Samuel Iveliermauu Saxon Frauk 10. Elmund Swedish John C. Nelson. Norwegian Nels J. Ness ; Scandinavian E.W. Bazille French J. H.Mori ...;..- bavarian T. D. Bbeehan .'.;-. ."..'..'.'. ..French Dr. S. Knbillard ...... .....Irish Samuel Loweustein Polish Henry Johns .;. ... . ; (We pass) F- Barta Bohemian Theodore Sander .-. A-ustro-Uungarlaii Hiram F. 5-teveus Americau E. 11. Ozmuu ; '. AraDian + . t t McKinley has come and gone. The blare of the bands, the glare of ilia torches, the display of youths who can shout but cannot ' vote; the warlike Mahan, prominent for once (and, by the way, who is he?): the bland Merriam, the smooth Napoleon of protection ; all? these Impressions have faded from the retina of our excitable minds. But one idea remains behind, that being that M«*Kiii!ey is the friend of the poorer ■ classes, the apostle of the woi'kingman. Of course, in our enthusiasm, we for got that to pay a large percentage of the price of a thine for the sake of af fording a large profit to the small class of capitalists engaged in manufactur ing is not just or wise, but the bands and the torches were too * much for us. But a Wabasha street div goods house recalled us to our senses the next morn ing by a large display of fine blanket's, with the following announcement, iv the most conspicuous window: * "L'o\v tariff BLANKETS " ': for the VVorkiiminaii. : ■■* Formerly $5.50. : : Now Only ; : 18.95. : ■ : A bauoain! : - . —.............. • • • « ** .. •■•• •■• •••••«■ And why should every user of blank ets, and there are 03,000.000 of us, pay tribute to the oilier 2,000,000 ? + + t ■ Ff you're fonp o' good ol' readin' . Cv the natcbrul, homely kind. En' you got (he rattle feet] ln'. ! En your chores ain't run Lehlnrl, W'y lake enny paper* columns (ef you hav n't cut Ihe volumes) Kirn your finger down until you finds the .name . . lv lhat tearful, funny, «mlle-y, Good of Jim Whitcomb Kiley, ?*f^s)»*-ll Eu' you'll thank me for bUKgestlii' of tho same. • .•.'•.* :.'. "-*■• t t t . Extracts from campaign speeches— "He has did more for this ward than any other man in it." - "He runs a little, vile, penny, abso lute sheet.". '..: ...... "Gentlemen, if elected as your repre sentative. 1 will pay the national debt." "1 am no slipeaker. she iitle-iieus. but vat der udder gents has telled you, I I'ink ist alles true undt alles recti"-" "We must eratidata from the fair white page of our minds such state ments." "Brutus," said Casca, nervously plucking at the sleeve of his tunic, as they strolled away from the maiket, where Antony was studying up, slyly, a copy of Shakespeare, from whom he cribbed the funeral oration entire. "What is the difference between last nieht ami ton in lit?'' "1 give it up." said Brutus, slowly. "Last night the bier was on Cie-.ir: tonight, Ciesar is on the bier.'" And with a wild cry he vanished into the nieht. "Nux vomica,"., reflected Brutus, sadly, as lie wailed for the Appian ear. The Globe, ever willing to be fair in all things, interviewed the Republican candidates on the county ticket yester day, witn the following results: Nels J. Ness— Ay tank we skoll have eude tains af Ay ban 'let-ted. Ay koiu to San Pol in '78. an Ay spik eude Aug lish. Ay spand cliuee "tern dolar, en tank Ay skoll gat 'lected. ■■»»■ doo? Oziuuu I'asha— Greet i Efeiidi: A little ino'lilii -nail see the ..,iu tents of lhe Ozmunli pitched in the legislative fields. 'Til then adieu. 0 scribe, tor 1 must mount my pure . Arabian hobby and go to purchase camel's milk for the Bice street nomads. S. Lowenstein— Undt dey say dot 1 RANSOM & HOKTO.VS "AD." FUR TALK! -$.^-$./A^/A!± TI Ll J/ -.1 .... . The seasonable weather, with cool nights and mornings, makes Ladies plan and talk about their Furs and Wraps for next Winter. Really we are hardly surprised that a lady hardly knows what to do about a Wrap this year. "Shall it be a Fur Cape or Jacket or can I make a Cloth Cloak do?" This is a daily inquiry in every household. Some decide one way, some another. We have the goods to meet either horn of the dilemma. Candidly, the fact is that the present style of Dress Sleeves and Waists makes a Cape almost a necessity in the wardrobe as well as a Jacket, and if but one can be had for this season the Cape fills the bill best There is, of course, but one valid objection, and that is on the score of warmth. If the ladies were SURE Capes were warm enough, but few Jackets would sell. To all such as have Fur Cloaks, whether in or out of style, we ad vise a Cape, as they CAN wear the Cloak with a plain waist for riding or severe weather, and then really the great majority of Ladies don't have to and don't go out in real cold weather. So much for Capes us. Jackets. You pay your money and take your choice. We have everything in Capes in Fur at $7.50 to $750.00, and in Cloth at $5.00 to $75.00- We have all kinds of Jackets in Fur and Cloth, and we are getting quite conceited over our stock, as our trade is so steadily good and compliments so many, both from city and out-of-town people. Don 't for a moment think that you won't get an Astrakhan on account of the cheap trash of the season. That doesn't change the fact that never before were- as good values offered as you can get this year. Our Astrakhans at $35.00, $40.00, $50.00 and $55.00 are superb, and the equals of goods sold last year at ten dollars higher. We say as always: "FOR GEN ERAL WEAR, UTILITY, SERVICE AND GOOD LOOKS NO GARMENT EQUALS ASTRAKHAN, AND $35.00 TO $50.00 CAN BE INVESTED NO OTHER WAY WITH EQUAL RESULTS." Plucked Otter makes a lovely garment. It is good for ten or more years' wear. Weather doesn't affect it, and deservedly popular in the Wast are this year's styles, and sought after in I the East. Our Garments at $125 and $150 are the \ best purchase— at any price— we know of in Fur. Perhaps you haven t been in our new store and don't know all about our NEW CLOTH CLOAK DE PARTMENT. Well ! you can't afford to pass it. It's the talk of the two cities; and we have certainly j without brag or bluster, a superb stock, well adapt ed in quality and price to present times, and Mr I gel, our buyer, has "done himself proud. " There j are no old back numbers, there are no stickers i among the lot. The telegraph and express are kept l busy nowadays, and people who look us over most always buy. Of course, we don't see everubody.but \ it seems as though we did. We are pleased and > gratified that we have hit the public taste in style and made prices that sell the goods against all com- ■ petition. Call in some day. Perhaps you'll believe our next "ad" more thoroughly after using your eyes in our stock room awhile. CATALOGUE READY-SEND FOR ONE. Ransom & Horton, 99 and 101 East Sixth St., St. Paul. am not der fremiti off tier beople; nirin Gott in It I in el. 1 huff shtood undt tried "Down mil monopoly" dil I vass. g<-d me mv throat sore alreity. Ist das nieht recht? Vel. vy ant vote by mm, vuuee aeen. some more, alreity yet, an* other times, eh? FUNNY FANCIES. If a cow breaks into the garden, it is a sien that some one in the family will die within six months. Other signs of death are the bowline of a dug outside of the house, the squeaking of a mouse behind the stele person's bed or the niglit of a bird or < bee into the loom. - To cut one's nails Sunday brines the I devil with one all the week. To break | a lnokiue-elass brines trouble seven j years. To turn a feather bed Sunday is I bad luck. | The bad effect of seeing the uew moon | through glass may be in unrated by turn iueovei* the motley ill one's pocket, For a clock to strike while a preacher is giv ing out his text is a sign of a death iv the congregation. Crickets and spiders bring goo.l luck. So does it to touch a hunchback's hump. So Ones it to have one's teeth set wide apart or to meet a piebald horse. If the right ear itches, some one Is praising; if the left, somebody is abus ing; it the loot, one is soon to walk over new ground. There's luck in finding a pin or a horseshoe, or iv stumbling upstairs. If an unmarried person sits between a man and wife at dinner on any day between Christmas and Twelfth Nieht h_* will be married within a year. Welsh girls knock on Christmas eve uu i the henhouse door. It a hen cackles j the knocker must wait another year. If | a rooster crows she'll be married withir ; the year.