The Saint Paul globe., December 27, 1897, Page 8, Image 8

About The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
8
CAREER OF A CRAfIK
SOME CHAPTERS IX THE LIFE OF
MR. STODGE HKCORDBD FOR
PERI SAL.
THOUGHT HE WAS REFORMER,
*Nl> STARTED OVT TO EFFECT ISO
TABLE REFORMS FOR MAN
KIND.
DIFFICULTIES HE EXCOI'STERBD.
I'rials and Tribulations in Which
Hlm Oivn Hotter Half Added to
Ills Ilurden.
Mr. Mithras Hagal Mudge never sus
pected that he was a crank. The fact
never escaped anyone else. His parents
must have had a premonition of his fu
ture when they loaded down Mudge
■with the classical Biblical combination
of syllables by which the spare,
lide-whiskered, plow-spoken man iden
tified himself. It left no chance for a
mistake. Its letters on a hotel register
spelled crank just as plainly as Way
cross, N. J., indicated a gentleman in
from the country to lay in a full sup
ply of gold bricks. Mithras Mudge
might possibly have been a college pro
fessor or the head of a fe
male seminary. Hagal Mudge might
have been a class leader or a New Eng
land preacher, but Mithras Hagal
Mudge could only" be a crank in some
form or other.
Mr. Mudge's illusion was that he was
c reformer. He did not intend to be
anything but a kindly, fairly prosper
ous, middle-aged man, and in spite of
his name might have escaped his evi
dent fate, but for his desire to benefit
the world 1» a lot of impossible ways.
His best efforts only seemed to get him
into trouble, but the adage of scorched
children and blazes meant nothing in
his case. Five minutes after a crush
ing knock-down he was on the lookout
for some new evil, and inside of an hour
■was at his old work of reforming the
■world with all the energy of a youth
of ten doing some other small boy's
work.
For a number of years the almost
universal habit of asking foolish ques
tions had worried Mudge. It was some
thing he had always expected to attend
to in time, but other matters proved
more pressing and he put it off from
flay to day until his conscience began
working overtime to remind him of his
neglect. One night his conscience was
particularly aggressive, and Mr. Mudge
decided that other things would have
to wait while he attended to the mat
ter in mind. He would not delay long
er, but would begin the very next
morning.
"Are you up, dear?" was the first
thing that greeted him when he enter
ed the dining room with his resolve
fully In mind. Now Mudge had not in
tended to try his cure on his wife. In
fact, he had never thought of her in
connection with the matter at all, but
he was determined to do his duty to
the world, even if the world was his
wife.
"No, I am not yet up," he answered
Blowly and In the most matter-of-fact
tone. "I am up stairs in bed, but I
will probably be down for breakfast In
a few moments."
Mrs. Mudge was too mad to reply,
»nd In a woman that is dangerously
sear to explosion pressure. Bhe pour
ed his coffee in silence and sat in digni
fied frigidity while he a/te his toast and
eggs and oatmeal, and when he had
finished turned and went out of the
room without a word.
It was hardly a happy beginning, but
It was evident to Mudge that he had
tnade one impression at least, and that
Iwas something.
Mary, the fresh, rosy-cheeked maid,
was in the hall as he took up his hat
and critically inspected his gloves.
"Going out?" she asked, with cheery
good nature.
It was cruel, for Mary was rather
a favorite, but Mudge was in for it.
"No, Mary," he replied blandly. "I
have Just come in for the night."
•" A little gasp of astonishment came
to his ears as he stepped out, and then,
as the door closed with a vicious slam,
he knew another Impression had been
recorded.
Mr. Mudge's favorite conductor was
on the platform of the cable car that
stopped at the corner with a Jerk.
That was a good sign. Mudge always
liked to ride down town with him; it
seemed to start his day right.
"Good morning," was the hearty
irreeting, as he swung onto the plat
form.
"Going down with us this morning?"
Now, this was something else Mudge
had not counted on, but he was getting
hardened to his task.
"You might think, Jackson," he said,
solemnly, '"that I was going down with
you because I stepped on your car,
but, as a matter of fact, I am going
up on the trolley as soon as It comes
along."
Now, Jackson was only a rude cable
oar conductor with no sense of humor.
He trod on Mr. Mudge's corns, gave
him a sharp push along with the order
to "step lively, now," and handed him
twenty pennies in change, which show
ed that, in the matter of turning
worms, Jackson was able to give the
fish-bait variety points. He also car
ried Mr. Mudge past his corner and
nearly threw him headlong when he
did get off. just as good measure.
Mr. Mudge was not vindictive, and
he was a reformer for reform's sake,
■ 'but, when he saw old Gilkins coming
along, he felt that his day's task
might have its compensation. Gilkins
■was an old offender Mudge had borne
especially in mind. Gilkins could ask
more foolish questions than a four
year-old girl. Mudge gloated over him.
"Why, Mudge, how are you?" Gilkins
began, "just the man I wanted to see.
Will you b a at your office at 10 o'clock?
An important mater. Can't stop now;
ccc you later."
Mudge looked after him sadly, and
then, with a sigh of regret, went on
to his work.
It was the same thing all day. Miss
Williams, his stenographer, a demure,
Experience
Chris. Jensen, of Troop D, 6th Caval
ry, U. S. A., Easily Vanquishes a Foe.
Fort Robinson, October 13, 1897.
Eureka Chemical ami Mnfg. Co., La Crosse.
Gentlemen: Bnco-Curo has certainly done
all you claim for it in my case. I have ab
solutely no desire for the narcotic, in fact
When anyone is smoking where I am, the
odor -is unbearable to me. Your remedy is
■wonderful, and I have recommended its use
to several other soldiers and they are going
to give it a trial. I think that if I ever get
to using tobacco again it will be learning
the habit over ag^in. I have not the least
desire for tobacco and I regard myself as en
tirely cured. Yours truly,
CHRIS. "JENSEN,
6th Cavalry, Troop D, Fort Robinson, Neb.
The wonderful part of a cure from BACO
CURO is that it removes every trace of nico
tine from the system, leaving it as free from
the narcotic as it was before the first smoke
or chew. Write for proof i of cures. We give a
■written guarantee to cure permanently any
case with three boxes, or reiund the money.
60c. or $1 a box, three boxes (guaranteed
enre) $2.50. Druggists everywhere, or
EURRKA CHEMICAL AND MNFG. CO.,
LA CROSSE, WIS.
dainty and sensitive bit of feminine at
tractiveness was reduced to tears, and
Bronson, his chief clerk, to open pro
fanity by crushing replies to well
meant greetings, unfortunately fol
lowed by question marks. Gilkins
came and transacted his business with
out a single question. He made an
enemy for life of the pretty cashier at
the restaurant where he took his lunch
by telling her he had not come in for
something to eat, but proposed having
a tooth filled and getting his hair part
ed.
Then Barry Johnson come in. Barry
was not only a particular friend of
Mudge's, but his friendship was worth
money, and the reformer felt a sinking
sensation as the clean-cut, manly
young fellow pushed through the door
of the private office and asked in hap
py innocence, "Well, old fellow, in, are
you?"
It was a test for Mudge. Most men
would have weakened, but his duty was
plain. "I am very sorry," he said,
but not quite as blandly as before, "but
the truth is I was detained at home to
day and could not come down. If you
can manage to come in tomorrow I will
try and be here."
Johnson stared at him in dazed sur
prise for a second, then flushed red
and an angry flash came into his eyes.
Nothing more was said. He turned,
walked crisply across the floor and
quietly closed the dcor after him. The
click as the latch caught cost Mudge
$2,000 and he knew it. He had hardly
expected to stake duty against so much
money, but it was too late then.
Mudge was not happy when he reached
home. His wife answered his ring her
self — Mudge did not believe in latch
keys — and let him in without a word
of welcome. "Maggie left without
notice," she said meaningly, "and I am
acting in her place for today. You
must see about a new maid tomorrow."
That was all and Mudge did not see
her again till dinner was served. It
was a very silent, disagreeable meal.
He was a trifle embarrassed and peni
tent, and she stern and uncompromis
ing. It was too trying for Mudge and
he ventured on an Ice-breaking ad
vance.
"You were, going to Mrs. Brad'.ey's to
tea and would not be home in time for
dinner, I thought," he began hesitat
ingly. "You did not go, did you?"
"Why, yes, I did, dear," came the re
ply with crushing sweetness, "how
stupid of you. I am there now. I will
let you know as soon as I come in."
Mudge does not swear, as a matter
of principle, but as he walked out of
the room he said somethng about con
science that will never find a place In
the Christian Advocate.
• * *
"My dear," said Mr. Mudge, one even-
Ing after peace had been restored in the
family, "what is most needed toda.y
is some one who will help young men."
Mrs. Mudge knew what that meant. It
was another experiment in reform.
"Are you sure that there is any way
they can be helped that is not now be
ing tried?" she asked with a patient
sigh.
"The trouble is," Mr. Mudge asserted
with an air of conviction, "that people
work at young men and not with them:
Now not a block from our house is a
saloon, where young men, even boys,
congregate. If any one interested in
their welfare were to drop in there with
them, without preaching, he could con
vince them how wrong they were in
wasting their youth and health in such
a place."
"And you are going to try?" There
•C^ \*'
Chatterton— l hear she's a good shot.
Miss Anthropy— She ought to be. She uses lots of powder.
was subdued resignation in the ques
tion.
"Yes, I am, and I am going to begin
tcnight. I am not a temperance crank,
but I do not believe in the saloon. I
may be able to do those boys some
good."
The saloon not a block from the
Mudge domicile was rather a common
place one, as saloons go. It was not
a "gilded palace" on the one hand nor
was there "sordid degradation" on the
other. It was clean, rather orderly and
not badly appointed. It was a resort
for some half-dozen youths who called
themselves "the gang;" not bad boy*,
all of them, but careless of speech and
action and certainly not models of pro
priety. They were, as a rule, a well
dressed, well-taught, harum-scarum
lot of youths ready to have fun at
anybody's expense and pleased with the
idea that they were tough.
Some six or seven of these hopefuls
were grouped about the bar when
Mudge pushed by the swinging door
and walked toward them.
The bartender looked up suspicious
ly, for Mudge had a sort of good citi
zenship league air about him, and the
dispenser of beverages had visions of
a prosecution for selling to minors.
The boys were neither frightened nor
abashed.
"Who is his old wing and wings?
queried one in an audible tone.
Mudge was not a sailor, but he un
derstood that this was a reference to
his carefully kept side whiskers, and
the remark hurt his pride. He winced,
but tried to pretend he had not heard.
"How are you, boys?" he said, with
about as much warmth as a steam
heating plant In July. But he thought
the tone was cordial and, at any rate,
it was the best he could do.
They were playing some game with
dice, which went on in spite of the
presence of Mr. Mudge.
"Ask his spinnakers if he wants a
hand?" suggested one of the crowd Ir
reverently.
This was another dig at the whiskers
that Mudge only half understood, and
the method of reform was not just the
one he had in mind, but he stepped
over and Joined the crowd without
waiting for the offer to be made more
formal.
"All right on the do, re, ml?" queried
one of the crowd.
Mudge was puzzled and his looks
showed it.
"He means, can you do business with
the fiddler?' put in the bartender.
"Are you long with dough?"
Mudge was still puzzled. "Say, do
you get your money at the pump?
That's all," said the first boy, following
the matter up in what was apparently
a real desire to explain.
Mudge fished up a handful of silver,
and that was apparently all that was
necessary, for the subject of finances
was dropped.
"The game Is like this," the leader
among the boys said. "We all order
what we want, see, and Dick there," the
bartender ducked his head at the in
formal introduction, "he sets them all
THE SAINT PAUL GLOBE: MONDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1837.
up on the bar. Then you shake one
dice out, and if it's an ace you take
your choice of the drinks and drink it.
You keep on shaking as long as you
roll a bull's eye. When you don't you're
through. You pick every time out of
what's left on the bar, but you have
to down something. And say, when the
drinks is all gone, the next ace pays
for the round. Now, see?"
"I think so," said Mr. Mudge, a trifle
uncertainly, suspecting he was in a
pretty fast game, but determined to do
his duty. "Do I roll out the dice?"
"No. Say, Jimmy," to a boy stand
ing beside Mudge. "You shoot before
the superintendent and show him what
the golden text is." Mudge knew he
looked like a Sunday school official, and
this was another trying speech, but he
was in for It, and in response to the
bartender's query ordered some lemon
ade.
Six glasses were placed on the bar,
one lemonade and five beers.
Jimmy rolled out the cube with an
ace up.
"You see he throws an only eon and
he win," said the leader with a disre
gard for grammar that gave Mudge a
jar. Jimmy said nothing, but with a
self-sacrifice worthy of better things
picked up the lemonade and drank it at
a gulp.
"Copped his Hanna's sour drops,"
said the bartender in an admiring aside
to the leader. "Ain't he good? Oh, no, I
guess he's bad."
Jimmy threw the dice again and roll
ed out a tray.
"Shut you out one, two. three that
Inning," commented the leader. "Now,
Adam, it's your turn."
Mr. Mudge by this time had come to
realize that the picturesque terms in
which he was addressed were not In
tended really to hurt his feelings so
much as they were a matter of course
among the crowd, and this last refer
ence to his age passed almost unnotic
ed.
With a glance at the five brimming
beer glasses along the bar, he rolled the
die thankful, in his heart that his
chance to throw an ace was very Blen
der.
"Well, if papa didn't draw a dot,"
exclaimed the leader as the cube lazily
toppled over showing an ace.
Now the one subject on which Mudge
was not a crank was temperance, but
he was very moderate, and the sur
roundings did not exactly suit him.
However, he drained the beer glass
and set it back on the bar with a sigh
of relief.
"Spin 'em again," commanded Jim
my. With a sickening idea of his fate,
Mudge picked up the cup and threw
out the perverse bit of bone.
"Well, so help me, another elns,"
chirped the leader gleefully."Say, lamb
chops, you can't afford to work, you
lose too much money. I guess you
ain't no king killer. Two Oliver Crom
wells in a row. Wouldn't that jar you?"
It certainly would, but Mr. Mudge
did not say so; he picked up another
beer glass and with an effort gulped
down the contents. Pie looked appeal
ingly at the biggest boy, but failed to
move him.
"You got 'em going, keep it up," said
that worthy. "See if you can't roll out
another lonely."
Mudge was much afraid that he could
and he remembered having heard there
were such things as loaded dice, but
he shook the box and rattled it down
on the bar, afraid to look at the re
sult.
"Say, that's too bad," was the friend-
LOTS OF AMMUNITION.
ly comment in a tone of real sympathy,
"What you want is a switch light and
you get a whole railroad track," which
conveyed nothing to Mudge, but encour
aged him to look at the six exposed on
the bar.
But it was only a temporary respite,
and, when the box came to his hands
again, there were still two glasses on
the bar.
"Let her go, Percival," was the cheer
fully disrespectful order, and Mudge
knew there was that fatal ace before
he looked.
"You don't need to do this, you know,"
Jimmy volunteered, with suspicious po
liteness. "There's lots of beer, some
breweries work nights. There is more
in the cellar, too."
Three glasses of beer was beyond
Mudge's limit, but he forced himself
to drink, and hardly realized that
things were a little uncertain, and that
sometimes he could not tell which was
Dick and which wasn't, and once, too,
he was afraid he slapped the biggest
boy on the back and called him old
man. He was never sure Just what hap
pened, but he remembered having one
more glass of beer, and then shaking
hands with Dick and inviting him up
to dinner.
When he was out in the street, he
knew he was not intoxicated, but he
put his feet down with unusual care
and there were rough places in the
walk he had never noticed. He was
sorry when he reached home that he
had no latch key. for he disliked to
disturb his wife, but he rang the bell
and held himself very erect and steady
when the door was opened.
"Do you feel that you have succeed
ed In accomplishing anything," Mrs.
Mudge asked kindly, as he stepped
carefully Into the hall, and tried to
hold onto the hat rack and take off his
overcoat at the same time.
"I'm 'fraid not," he said with a de
liberation unusual even for so slow
spoken a man. "Fact is, m'dear, boysh
hard to influensh, and 'ts easy aches."
Mrs. Mudge knew something had
happened, but she was used to that,
and fortunately she did not know Just
what it was.
Securing: a Substitute.
Mattie— l'm sorry, dear, to learn that death
has robbed you of your favorite poodle. How
can you evtr console yourself for his loss?
Helen (sobbing)— l d-don't know; b-but I
s-suppose I'll h-have to g-get m-married.—
Chicago News.
The Mean Man.
She — It takes more skill to ride a wheel than
it does to drive a horse.
He — The idea! Any woman can ride a wheel.
—Indianapolis Journal.
Feminine Logic.
Mrs Wickwire— Did you read about that
man who found $60,000 while digging worms to
go fishing with?"
Mr. Wickwire— Yes, dear.
"Well, I was just thinking that maybe you
have missed by always fishing with, flies." —
Indianapolis Journal.
TOWN OUT OF SIGHT
WESTPORT, MO., ONCE A METROP
OLIS, LOST «X KANSAS
OSTY.
THE PASSING OF A VILLAGE.
WESTERN GUEST TELLS A NEW
YORK HOTEL CLERK SOME
HISTORY.
WHEN WESTPORT WAS GREAT.
Sixty-Four Years ; Agot the Town
Controlled tbe Trade of
California.
A man in a downtown hotel address
ed an envelope to his wife, "Westport,
Mo." Then he said "Shucks," tore up
the envelope and addressed another to
"Greater Kansas City." He looked at
this superscription and grinned. Then
he took it to a clerk and showed it to
him. The clerk said the letter box was
at the end of the counter, says the New
York Sun.
"I know that," said the man with the
letter and the grin. "What I want
you to do Is read the writing on this
envelope. The name of the town par
ticularly."
The clerk accommodated the guest
and asked, "Why Greater?"
The grin of the guest turned like a
trampled worm. "Why!" he hissed.
"Godelmighty, man, and you a clerk in
a New York hotel. And don't know
that there is a Greater Kansas City!
Why don't you read the newspapers?"
"Do you wish me to mail the letter?"
asked the clerk, who saw the boss
coming.
"No, sir; no, sir. I mall this letter
myself. Thanks to you. And I don't
run any risks. It don't go In no mail
box anywhere. I'll take this to the
postoffice and mail it myself, and I'll
know it's gone. Say, honest Injun,
haven't you heard of it?"
"Heard of what? No, I've been on my
vacation and just got back."
"Oh, well, that accounts for It, and
I apologize. You know that last Thurs
day, Dec. 2, the name of one of the
oldest towns in the West was wiped
right off the map, just like an old sum
on a blackboard. With one hand, you
might say, 'Westport' went glimmering.
Kansas City just took it in same as a
blind fish would swallow bait. And
now it's Greater Kansas City— big G.
How does it sound, eh?"
"You have been annexing a suburb,
I see."
"No," said the guest severely. "No;
that's easy. You don't catch It. West
port was the old town. It was in exist
ence long before there was any Kan
sas City. It was the metropolis of that
nook of Missouri It came nigh being
the county seat. It was the home of
the F. F. V.'s, the F. F. X.'s and the
salt of the earth from other sections.
Why, Kansas City is new. And yet the
old town that had the first show, that
had everything, gives up its name, its
records, its postmark and the county
printing and becomes — Greater Kansas
City. I suppose you New York people
have had so much of this Greater busi
ness in yours that you'd like to for
get it."
"I think I should like to hear more
of your story," said the clerk, in a
manner which the guest took to be
sincere.
"Well, you may not know it, but
Westport was a metropolis sixty-four
years ago. It, was a town on the hills
which overlooked a country that would
make your eyes water. It was about
five miles back from the Missouri river.
I reckon you don't know, but Bixty
years ago people who started towns in
the West were afraid of rivers. Steam
boats brought epidemics up the river
when there was an epidemic, and the
people were afraid of epidemics and
built the towns back from the river.
"That's how Westport come to be
five miles from the Missouri. And do
you know, the funny thing about it is
that the landing for the steamboats
was called Westport landing for years.
The landing was what is now Kansas
City — I mean Greater Kansas City. It
was where people got off when the
Kansas fever was on — hence Kansas
City, although it Is In Missouri.
"Well, this Westport was the — what
ANNOUNCEMENTS.
NOTICE— The trustees erf The State Savings
Bank, Germania Life Ins. Bldg., 4th and
Minn, sts., have declared a semi-annual
dividend at the rate of 4 p«r cent per an
num for the period ending Jan. 1, 1898. De
positors entitled to interest will please pre
sent their books, at the bank on or after
Jan. 20, 1898. Ttoe new interest period be
gins Jan. 1, 1898. »Ali deposits made on or
before Jan. 3, 1888, will be entitled to six
months' Interest July 1, 1898. Jul. M. Gold
smith, Treasurer.
FIRST 1 DBATT FAIR
CLASS ft DO U I I PRICES
PRINTING
union rA&£ P ANY SAINT
BLOCKLUMiAnII PAUL
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES.
ST. AGATHA'S CONSERVATORY
Of Music and Art,
26 East Exchange St., St. Paul.
Piano, violin, guitar, banjo and mandolin
taught. Lessons given In drawing and paint
lag. Call or send for prospectus
do you call it?— the outfitting: place for J
New Mexico and all that country in |
the Southwest which had to be reached \
by ox teams. I've seen a thousand i
Greasers in Westport at one time, each ;
yelling: at a ten or twelve-yoke of oxen !
and swearing: all the time. They were ;
going: to the landing for goods, or com
ing back, and they always stopped in :
Westport to tar up and get drunk. I've |
seen the streets cf that town crowded i
for weeks with Indian tribes that came i
across the country, hundreds of miles,
with their trinkets, which they traded
for anything red that the stores had.
I can name you now a dozen firms, the
biggest in St. Louis, that got their
start by trading with Indians and Mcx- ]
leans.
"Then there was the Santa Fe stage
line. It ran a daily line between West
port and Santa Fe. The stages didn't
go to the river; no siree. They started
from Westport, and th2y stopped ther«.
The arrival and departure of a stage
in those days was something like the
arrival of a big steamship in this port,
and more so, for you folks don't care
If even 7 ship on the ocean was to come
in. But the stage driver was a hero.
"Why, when a teacher asked a boy
what he was going to be when he grew
up he always said 'stage driver.' The
fare from Westport to Santa Fe, or
otherwise, was $175 for one passage.
That's right; and it had to be gold,
every cent of it. You could stuff twelve
people inside, and stick from two to
three on top. For years the stages
were crowded just that way, and you
can figure out what the company
made."
"Must have retired wealthy," said
the clerk.
"No. not for a while. They were
Just the same as a man who runs a
hotel. Instead of retiring, they started ;
another line between Westport and ;
Stockton, Cal. I think the fare on that '
line was about $350 in gold, and the |
company didn't have enough stages. I ;
hear people talk about gold mining ;
and about the good old days when a j
man didn't care what he had! Why, j
man, there never was a time in this
country when your grandfather ana
mine wasn't out for the almighty dol
lar. Of course, there were more chances
then than now, but there were not so
many people."
"How long did it take to make the
trip between Kansas City and Santa
Fe?"
"Westport, you mean. There wasn't
any Kansas City then, I tell you. Why,
about thirteen days."
"And between Westport and Stock
ton?"
"Nobody ever knew. Depended on
the driver— and the Indians. If the j
driver was In cahoots with the Indians
the stage never got in. But, say, in
those days when Westport was the
metropolis I've seen as many as a
dozen steamboats tied up at the land-
Ing of what is now Kansas City un
loading for Westport and the Santa Fe
trade. And they had all arrived the ■
same day. Why, there were not
enough boats then to do the business. .
Now there ain't two arrivals in a year.
"Why, I'll tell you what Westport
did. There was only one road from
the river to the metropolis, and of j
course the heavy teaming cut it up
mightily. Well, sir, to accommodate
that trade the Westport business men ;
had a turnpike built from the town j
to the river. That was the first turn- i
pike west of the Mississippi river, un
less there is a lie out, and it cost mon
ey. Of course, there was a toll gate at
each end of the road, so as to catch ■
'em coming and going, but it was not ;
the paying business you may think. .
Whenever the road would get in bad
condition a mounted man or two would
ride up to the gatekeeper, swipe the
cash, and ride away. The company i
would take the hint and repair the .
pike, and all was well But the pike j
helped trade and Westport. It was i
a great enterprise. But do you know, j
that pike was loaded. It was the j
frozen serpent on the Westport hearth, i
For after a while, when the old notion
about cholera coming up the river had
played out, and when old Tom Benton
made a speech on one of the hilltops i
overlooking the Missouri, and pointed
this way and said: 'There is the East,'
and then pointed the other way and
said, 'and there is India,' old Jim Mc-
Gee, one of the pioneer settlers, threw
up his hat and yelled: 'Then, by God,
this is the half-way place,— from that
day the doom of Westport was sealed.
Yes, sir.
"McGee had bought all the hills and
valleys round about for a few barrels ;
of whisky, and he concluded to have an j
auction sale of town lots. And it's
a fact that he had to go to St. Louis
to advertise his sale. Why? Because
there wasn't a newspaper in the state
outside of St. Louis at that time.
Finally, people began building houses
In the landing, and then it took the
name of Kansas City. Westport put
on airs for a while, but later on when
the teams passed right through town
to Kansas City over the pike, Westport
men said, 'Damn the pike. If we
hadn't built it the teams would slop
here.' But I don't know. I reckon
It would have been the same if the pike
never had been put down. Later on
some of the old families moved into
Kansas City. The stages went there
and left from there. The war came.
And after the war the boom, and after
the boom the panic, and finally com
mon sense and e very-day gait. Kansas
City became a sure enough city. It built
a cable line to Westport. That set
tied Westport — the name, I mean. The
town had been settled. Why, three
months ago there wasn't enough life
in Westport to get up competition for
the postoffice. Then Westport heard
about Greater New York, and — well,
I've told you the story."
PRISONER OF CHILLOK A MYTH.
Slight Itnvis of Fact for Byron'g Cel
ebrated Poem.
Romances of history are nearly as
evasive as ghosts. The latest impos
tor upon whom the cold light of "our
meddling intellect" has been thrown Is
the "Prisoner of Chillon," and in fu
ture the "sad floor" which was trod
Until his very steps have left a trace,
Warn, as if that cold pavement were a sod,
By Bonivard. i
will no more be shown to the awestruck
tourist. A correspondent at Zurich re
ports that in the course of restorations
recently carried out at the castle of
Chillon the marks of footsteps round
the pillar to which the prisoner was
chained have been effaced. Mr. Neaf,
the surveyor of works, having proved
to the satisfaction of the cantonal coun
cil that those marks were not authentic,
but had been artificially made and re
newed every few years.
Byron's most harrowing story seems
to have been almost a pure invention.
He tells of a Bonivard whose father
was burned at the stake for his faith.
Imprisoned along with his two young
er brothers for their father's faith,
Bcnivard sees them both droop and die,
and becomes himself a tottering gray
haired man, who has no desire to es
cape from captivity, because, having
lost all that binds him to life, the whole
eerth would only have been a wider
prison to him.
But, unfortunately for Byron's poem,
the real Bonivard seems to have been
a very different sort of person. It is
quite true that he was imprisoned at
Chillon by the Duke of Savoy for his
Calvanistic sympathies, but when six
years later his friends got the upper
hand he was liberated and a pension
was awarded to him by the town of
Geneva. He continued living in the
enjoyment of that pension for thirty
four years, during which time he pro
duced a considerable mass of not very
scrupulous party literature and was,
in short, anything but the profoundly
dejected and prematurely decrepit be
ing whom Byron depicts as "regaining
his freedom with a sigh," after making
friends with the mice and spiders in his
dungeon. Whether the murdered fath
er and brothers and the rest of the
grisly details in Byron's story origi
nated entirely in that poet's imagina
tion or were derived from the rigma
role of some guide, there is probably
no means of ascertaining, but it seems
fairly clear that beyond the name ol
the prisoner and the fact of his im
prisonment the story is a fabrication.
Of course, there is no reason why
any one who feels moved to write
verses about the "Eternal Spirit of the
Chainless Mind" should not do so. in
venting whatever stories he may think
fit to illustrate his theme. But it is a
pity that Byron should have associ
ated eloquence of that kind with the |
name of a man who suffered nothing I
very terrible and profited so well by
his sufferings. The sacrifice of a lu-^ i
crative curiosity in the interests of his
torical truth seems highly creditable
to the cantonal council of Vaud.
SHERIDAN'S JOKE OX GRANT.
He Gave His Superior n Ci«ar Which
Made Him Sick.
They had "done" Florida— that is, as
much of the Peninsular state as people
generally managed to see seventeen
yeaj-s ago, says the New York Sun,
and the party, composed of Gen. Grant,
Gen. Sheridan, their wives, two nieces
of Mrs. Grant, the secretary, Byron j
Andrews, and a solitary artist, had
Just voyaged down the gulf coast, stop
ping for an evening's "send-off," and a
very lively time it was, at Key West,
and now they were domiciled in Ha
vana- Grant's perpetual cigar was a
pillar of cloud early in the morning
and a twinkle of "fire late at night, j
The Cuban colony of cigarmakers at I
Key West had stored their state rooms
full of their choicest goods, while the
famous manufacturers of Havana had
all brought out special brands, sending
sample hundreds to the palace for the
approval of the famous soldiers. It
would have been a breach of etiquette
to keep a check upon one's smoking
under such tempting conditions. So the
American visitors puffed away at |
countless incomparable cigars while the j
gayly clad officers of the palace house
hold rolled their cigarettes and won
dered how long the famous smoker
could keep It up.
Presently there came a day when the
programme included a visit to the
lofty fortress of Cabanas, over the bay. j
The heavy state barges rowed the
brilliant little party across the breeze- ;
less harbor, and, oh! it was hot. They |
climbed the zlz-zag path which leads
up to portal cut into the grim front of j
the great military prison, which was ;
even then, nearly filled with prisoners
of state. They were shown through
courts, deep, dark passageways, par
ades, barracks and prisons, which fill
the whole vast interior of this great,
gloomy, terrible place. General Po
curl, then commandant of Cabanas,
paraded the troops with a fine fanfare
from a bugle squad, and then lunch
was served at headquarters, high up on
the battlements, commanding a grand
view of the city and village-dotted
country, which in those days presented
a, prosperous and beautiful appearance.
General Grant saw everything and
smoked on faithfully. He noted that
ol' the. hundreds of cannon planted
everywhere, from the water batteries
beneath the palms far below, up along
the precipitous slopes to the cre=t of
the walls of Cabanas, nearly all were
of antique model and inferior caliber,
practically useless in modern demon
stration, but over upon Morro's walls,
half a mile away, as they were told,
there were rows of big new guns, es
pecially just to the right or eastward
of the castle. And so having shown an
interest in the matter, the party must
go over to Morro, traversing covered
ways and long open spaces in the nuon
day heat. All might have gone well,
hewever, but, unhappily, Grant ran out
of cigars.
He searched despairingly through
his sundry pockets, but, alas! all in
vain. Then came Sheridan's opportun
ity, the chance hejhad been waiting for,
aiter a long and varied experience of
Grant's marked fondness for telling
army yarns at his expense. He had a
cigar. It was not particularly large
or obstrusive, just a regular Al Ha
vana, but oh! it was black and rich and
wicked looking. Sheridan had boon
shewn through a tobacco factory the
previous day. While he waited this
cigar was made for him, and he care
fully put It away and smiled a con
ter.ted little smile.
So Gen. Grant, with a deep, happy
sigh of relief, touched a match to Gen.
Sheridan's, and Sheridan — he lagged
and gyrated like a bad little boy who
has put a tack on his teacher's ch;:ir.
It took a little time for the strongest
cigar ever made in Cuba to get in its
deadly work upon a well-seasoned old
smoker like Grant, and Sheridan began
to grow despondent, but joy ones more
suffused his rugged but rubicund fea
tures as he saw his old commander,
with a pallid face, talking hurriedly
with the interpreter, a funny mixture
of English and West Point Spanish, and
a moment later he collapsed in the
shade of a wall. There was Instant
alarm among all who gathered around,
and even the jolly Sheridan got a bit
rattled at his own success, but he only
winked solemnly at the secretary and
said: "Tell 'em to keep quiet and give
him air. He'll be all right in five min
utes. I thought it would fetch him."
Grant was all right, indeed, as soon
as he got up among the jumble of de
fenses at the top of Morro castle, where
the cool sea winds blew some of that
nicotine out of his lungs, and he gaz*-<l
at Sheridan with a deep indigo look of
suspicion, but he smoked no more until
the next morning.
-— ■- — —^ — — — —— — —
A SADDLE COW.
French Mnrqul* anil Ills Trained
Steed With Horn*.
Suzanne is the name of the first cow
that probably has ever been saddle*
and bridled and ridden like a horse,
says the St. James Budget.
Some time ago a number of gentle
men residing in and about Bordeaux,
interested in horses, formed themselves
Into a club with the idea of holding
a horse show upon a glorified scale.
Each member of the club was to be
responsible for one of the items upon
the programme of the cirque, and with
one exception they all concerned them
selves with the exhibitions they would
give of their skill with horses.
This single exception was Marquis
d'Ayguesvives, who declared, when
asked what form his contribution to
the programme would take, that he J
would ride a cow.
Suzanne is described as being much
higher In the intellectual capacity than
the majority of horses. She was treat
ed in exactly the same manner as a
young unbroken colt, and success has
attended her training.
During the first month the marquis
found by dint of many trials that Su
zanne's favorite food was carrots, and
tc the constant use of this vegetable
he attributes the success of her train
ing a very great measure, as by its
means he won such a speedy way
to her affections that after a little
time she would take her meals only
from him and would allow no one else
to caress or stroke her smooth sides-
More strengthening food was found
requisite, and gradually she was ac
customed to eat oats, to which she
took so kindly that In a very short time
she was consuming six quarts a day
with avidity.
The training thus far had progressed
with remarkable success, but as soon
as a saddle was placed upon her back
nature reasserted itseif, and Suzanne,
frightened and enragod, rolled herself
over and 1 over on the jrround in a wild
endeavor to rid herseif of the tight
burden. After ten days of attempts
to pull off the saddle. Suzanne yieldfd
to the inevitable, and ended by accept
ing the presence of the unaccustomed
burden upon her back.
The critical moment, however, was
when Marquis d'Ayguesvivea attempt
ed to mount into the saddle for th •
first time. Suzanne chose the day on
which her owner had decided to mount
her for the first time for her culminat
ing outbreak, and she had no more
consideration for him than she origin
ally had for the Buddie.
But Marquis d'AyßUeavives has had
OUR NATIONAL TROUBLE.
What We. no a People, Should IJonl
i*e and Guard Against.
Have you noticed that there are more
broken-down men and weak women on our
streets today than ever before? Have you
not noticed that certain of your frif-nds,
whom you have always known to be strong
and healthy, are, for some reason, weak and
low spirited? Is it not possible that you
yourself feel a trifle less vigorous than In tho
past? Is it a fact that the American people
are growing weaker, or is it due to some local
cause? There can be little doubt that it ia
owing to the increase of dyspepsia in the com
munity. We have been called a nation of
dyspeptics, and there can be little doubt
that it Is true.
When people are in such a state, when na
ture Is weak and broken, what would com
mon sense dictate should be done? Precisely
what physicians say should be done, viz.:
Assist Xature. stimulate her lagging faculties,
build her up. How? By using a pure medic
inal stimulant, and for this purpose there is
nothing equal to pure whiskey. There is no
whiskey so pure and efficient as Duffys Pure
Malt. It stimulates healthily and builds up
wasted tissues. It assists the stomach and
restores the health. It Is popular because it
Is so efficient. Great care should be taken,
however, to secure ouly the genuine. Histrus,
any dealer who for any reason seeks to In
duce you to buy something "just as good."
a wide experience of horses, and, de
spite Suzanne's violent struggles, ha
retained his seat.
During the early part of her training
Suzanne was guided by means of cordfl
tied to her horns, but, as these wore
found insufficient, a soft ring was put
through her nostrils, which admirably
answered the purposes of a bit.
She speedily grew to understand the
pressure of the legs against her Bides,
and, finally, after much troul>lf, con
sented to wear a bit.
Teaching Suzanne to Jump was per
haps one of the marquis" greatest dif
ficulties, but now she will leap any
barrier as well as a hors»\
The appearance of the Marquis d'Ay
guesvives at the meeting of tin- (irque
d'Amateurs at Bordeaux on his cow
created a great sensation.
She now carries her master all over
the country around his chateau, and
is taken for a long canter every day.
AN ABSENCE CHECK.
Sch ii me to Put a Stop to the Loafing
of Government Employes.
Appraiser Wakeman ha s definite and
satisfactory results t«> show for the new
system of recording the absence of em
ployes, which he introduced In the ap
praisers' Btores about two months ago.
The appraiser felt that the government
was paying for too much time that it
did not ger. All men employed in th.
stores are required now to fill out small
blanks, giving the reasons for each ab
sence; these blanks are filed, and it is
then an easy matter to determine
\\h ther any man's record in attendanc •
is satisfactory or not, says the New
Ycrk Mail and Express.
The result has been mosi marked;
for the month of August and Sept< mb ■;•
together the total number of absi
amounted to 2.508; In October, after the
introduction of the new Bystem, th"
number fell to 677, and in November it
was only 340. Further strictness in at
tendance, with consequent gain t" the
government, will lie Becured by the use
of time clocks, which are t ■ \><- put i:i
operation. These contrivances record
automatically and to the minute th ar
rival and departure of the men. Bach
man Is required, upon entering or- leav
ing his division, to adjust tli.' cl >ck to
his particular number and turn a c 'auk,
and the machine then prints the ri cord.
The time lost to the government
through tho vacations allowed the men
in the appraisers' stores is no Incon
siderable item. There are 420 employes
in the stores, and the regulations allow
each two weeks' vacation everj ;•
ec;ual to nearly seventeen years of the
lf<bor of one man.
SE \\\ BED.
Kelp, fciHline jiiiil Other Subulßllcei
Come From This Marine Plant.
The seaweed from which kelp, iodine
and other useful substances are obtain
ed is the most useful marine plant, says
the Boston Traveler. Kelp is a rude
alkaline matter, produced by the com
bustion of seaweeds. These are dried
in the sun, and then burned In shallow
excavations at a low beat. About
twenty or twenty-four tons of sea
yield one ton of kelp. Kelp is com]
of chlori-lc of .sodium, carbonate of
Boda, sulphate of soda and i ■« ash,
chloride of potassium, lodide <»f postas
sium or sodium, Insoluble salts, and
coloring matter. It used to be the great
source of soda, bui a better quality Ie
now obtained from the decomposition of
sea salt. A ton of good kelp will yield
about eight pounds of lodine, large
quantities of chloride <>f potassium, and
also by destructive distillation, a large
quantity of volatile oil, from four to
int. en gallons of paraffin oil, thr >r
four gallon:-; of naphtha and from one
and a half to four bundled weight of
sulphate of ammonia. Th< re are twelve
factories in Scotland, chiefly at Glas
gow, and two in Ireland, producing to
gether 130 tons of iodine annual h from
tills source, and ten to twelve i, ; v
terre, the northwesternmosl depart
ment of France, that produce fifty
tens. Oxen, Bheep and deer seek the
fucus v< siculosus on the seashore in
winter, when other supplies are b arce;
In the Swedish province of Gothland
It is boiled and mixed with a little
Ctaree flour as food for hogs; and in
N( rway, fucus Ferratus Is used aa fo d
f<.r cattle, generally sprinkled with a
little meal.
lie Wasn't Dead.
Two Irishmen were worknlg In a q
when one of them fell Into ;i deep quarry
hole. The other, alarmed, came to the mar
gin of the hole an<l called out:
••Arrah, Pat, are ye killed entirely? If
ye're dead, spake."
Pat assured him from the bott.ui by pay
ing in answ.r, "No, Tim, I'm not dead, but
I'm spaehleHs."— Rambler.
PHILOSOPHY.
It's foolish to give way to BOri
You'll find that it doesn't pay:
Th • dog may be on top tomorrow
That's down at th" bottom today.
— Chicag,. News.
Examine goods you buy before th v pro
wrapped ud. Then you run I<hh risk of pet
ting imitations Instead of what you need.
_ AMUSEMENTS.
METROPOLITAN. L "»iS TT
TAAIIPUT Matin** w «-iiin»»d;ir.
I UsllUH ■ Priees2sca
A Blr Suceesi lust night,
Lost, Strayed or Stolen,
A Musical Comedy, it is Parla
■— » -v t i~> r\ i?«?. 30, :t i,
tl'^V 1 WK./-\ Jan, 1.
' Sale of Seats opens!) a. m. today for the Trium
virate of Stiirv.
Lillian Russsl!, Delia Fox,
Jeff De Angelis,
In the Comic Opera.
THE WEDDING DAY.
PRflNn HOYT'S
unfiWUii niilfiniicm
L hi ULn Am ip
Hottest fun fi Irl 1 111 ()
snow ot the
season. Matinee Wednesday.
Ke*i week— "lte WUiow Joaea. 1