The Saint Paul globe., November 20, 1898, Image 11

About The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
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OUTLOOK PROMISING.
The Postmaster: "Do I know any colored family that's going to have tur
key for dinner today? Well, I saw Sam Johnson out late last night with a
bag."
Rev. Absalom Peters: "Thank you, sah. I guess I'll make my Thanks
ffivin stay with Brother Juhnsing."
I'otver of TrnslK,
"Your mother agrees with me ex
actly, Johnny, " said his father, pro
ceeding to trim the twigs from a
tough switch. "She thinks, with
me, that you need a good trounc
ing, hhl you are going to get it, my
.on."
Yem." bitterly . xi-laimed John
ny. "You and maw always agrees
when It cornea to lk-kin me. You
and maw's the whole thing. I
don't never have no show. This
family's run l>y a trust." — Chicago
Tribune.
TWO THANKSGIVING SHAKES.
"Won niah turkey . hakin dice. Wha'd yo" git yon?"
"Won mine shakin roosts:"
J tint a Home.
Tanki — What a beautiful charity
Is tins hoo
Mrs. Tank-- Ah. yes. poor fellows!
How sad It would be had they no
to stay away from!— D
Journal.
TURKEY FOR TWO.
"^--7. : _$_.__". i
. r^- ti^_' ;| ,
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m____k^_!!l
>W' — * : - K \,f
f^L7'&Ar
M ss Dinah: " Mr. . Parler. the great cooking expert, says one can get *
m | .. 1 Thanksgiving dinner I s."
Jatk (.who has just U_own in a week's salary): "There are others!"
< rurll. Afflicted.
Mrs. de Plat te— How are you all
at home, ______ Urownston?
Mrs. Brownston— -Not well at all.
My daughter has la grippe, my
country cousin has the influenza,
and my servant has a cold In the
head.— New York Weekly.
Not Bast ly oiitainnlile.
Uncle Mose — Cranberries wid ouah
tukkey. did you say? Whad yo'
talkin 'bout, ole 'oman? Does yo'
fink i_anberries grows in coops? —
New York Journal.
I it. _.|>ected > em. *i_.
Mis. SUmdiet — The city water
pany has raised my ral
• 'id Boarder Thej must have
found out that wt have salt mack
erel for breakfast— New York
Weekly.
THE ST. PAUL GLOBE SUNDAY NOVEMBER 20, 1898
HOW CARLO GOT THE TURKEY.
What Bill . llle Wanti.
A bill to bring all taxes down —
To bring the "moonshine" nearer
town.
A bill of dollars and of dimes
To build a bridge across hard times,
To make all cloudy weather sunny
And make the whole state ring with
money!
— Atlanta Constitution.
Tlioae Girls.
"Kitty says she cried for help
when he kissed her."
"She didn't do any such thing. She
cried for joy."— Cincinnati Enquirer.
Flow Too lliifli.
A c dored citizen, being asked if
he had turkey yesterday, replied:
"Well, suh. I would or had him, but
de white folks fergot tor clip his
wines, en he Sewed higher dan ever
I thought he would!"— Atlanta Con
stitution.
Of the OrlKinni Stork.
"I ana glad to meet you, Mr.
Bampsoo. Are you a relative, may
of Admiral Sampson of the
navy?"
"1 think not. sir. I come of a much
older family. We spell our name
S-a-m-s-o-n." — Chicago Tribune.
SWINGING IN THE LANE.
_ TTT
L
Knew the Feeling;.
"Mamma, when you're away from
home an want to go back awfully
that's bein homesick, ain't it?"
Yes. dear."
"What is it when a feller's sick of
stayin at home an wants to go fish
in 0 " — Chicago Tribune.
Sot Numerous.
"What is a phenomenon, paT
"A phenomenon? Well, a woman
who buys a hat in the first milliner
•hop she comes to?" — Detroit Fres
Press.
The Only Method.
"Do you approve of compulsory
education?"
"Well," said the man who had
settled down late In _ife f '•'it is about
the only way to learn the value of a
dollar." — Cincinnati Enquirer.
No Objection.
"No, Herbert, I am sorry, but I
am sure we could not be happy to
gether. You know I always want
my own way in everything."
"But, my dear girl, you could go
on wanting it after we were mar
ried." — London Judy.
\o Spare Honm.
Mr. Hayseed (arriving at city ho
tel) — I s'pose I kin hear the gong
here wh<n it rings for dinner,
can't I?
Clerk— We have no gong. We have
breakfast from 6 to 11. dinner from
12 to 6. supper from 6 to 11.
Mr. Hayseed— Jehosaphat! How
am I to git time to see the city? —
New York Weekly.
Blc__ednc__ ot I ntli;en_a.
"Is it your river that smells so?"
"I dod't sbell adythlgg."— Chicago
Tribune.
IL
A Rash Challenge.
That new, careering cornet
Which cometh from afar
To smite the earth ha. surely not
Heard of our Spanish war.
—Chicago Record.
His Hard hot.
The manager of the All Star The
atrical combination tore his hair in
a fine frenzy. "Dodgast that Adam
and Eve!" he swore. "If it hadn't
been for their fall, I wouldn't be wor
rying now about dressing rooms!"—
New York Journal.
HnuKry Man.
Adam (after the eviction)— Well,
here we are, and we don't know
where we shall get the next meal!
Eve — Isn't that like a man? You
have just eaten us out of house and
home, and now, like Oliver, you're
asking for more! — New York World.
Ready to Play His Tart.
Though horrid war of late has laid
Its cruel trail acrosu the land,
The good old barnyard turkeys staid
In business at the same old stand.
— Chicago Record.
— Adapted From Boston Herald.
Amateur Burglary.
Bill — Wakeman was robbed last
night.
Jill— Burglars?
"No; baby."
tWhat are you talking about?"
"Baby robbed him of his sleep."—
Yonkers Statesman.
Xo Dinconnt.
"Jenkins' wife is very strict with
him."
"In what way?"
"She charges him sixpence every
time he says a bad word, and she
won't let him have three for a
shilling."— Comic Cuts.
UK
— Meggendorfer's.
To Clytle In November.
When the breezes
Through the treeses
With your autumn garments flirt,
Growing bolder
And much colder,
Will you miss your cycling skirt?
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ko Drawback*.
"Beverly, did you enjoy your Eu
ropean trip?"
"Yes. I didn't meet a soul who suc
ceeded in borrowing money of me.—
New York World.
THE GIFT OF PROVIDENCE.
"Behold, Deborah, the succulent bird that kind Providence in Its mercy
hath vouchsafed us on this day of thanksgiving!"
"Providence, indeed! Was it not your excellent weapon that shot it?"
"Nay, Deborah, it was not, and for that reason do I make my state
ment. I won the bird at a raffle!" —New York Journal.
Aches.
The Sentimental One— Alas! Many
a smiling face conceals an aching
heart.
The Literal Idiot— lt seems to me
that an aching tooth would be more
likely to be there.— lndianapolis
Journal.
PREFERRED REPOSE.
Red Miller: "Say, Dusty, they's a turkey on the fence. Let's ketch It
for our Thanksgivin dinner!".
Dusty Mose: "Not on your life, Red. Yer don't ketch me chasm no tur
key like a hired man. I like to take things easy on a holiday."
A True Chridtian.
"You just bet I'm a Christian!"
declared little Willie Wellfed. "Cos
if there wuzn't any religion we
wouldn't have any preachers, and if
there wuzn't any preachers our
mothers never would fix up any fine
dinners." — New York Journal.
Y~7~
TfZrfSir-
THE DEATH WATCH.
A Slow Train.
Brakeman (on southern railroad)
— Passengers is not allowed on the
platforms, sir, when the train is in
motion.
Passenger — Beg pardon; I will go
in. I did not notice that the train
was in motion. — New York Weekly.
Sweet Innocence.
The Ingenious One — Do you know.
Miss Sweetser, that I think of mar
rying? I have already asked your
father.
The Ingenuous One— But papa is
already married. — Boston Tran
script.
— St. Louis Republic.