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The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, December 17, 1899, Image 29

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn90059523/1899-12-17/ed-1/seq-29/

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In Belgium there is in use In her rail
way systems a specially designed hospital
car which Is available in rrist' of serloua
raiway accidents and also to convey in
valids from one point to another as from
Inland towns to hewlttl giving seaside re
sorts. The Interior has a large main com
partment with two small rooms at the
end. In the larger room are twenty-four
beds, with two small windows, which can
be opened, in front of each, a movable
labh* bt'ini; provided which can be low
i-red over each bed. There are locker.s in
the corridors for the chests, provisions
fend linen. If necessary a portion of the
larare room can be shut ot't to form an
npeiatins room. In connection with this
railroad hospital is a small chapel for
religious si rvioes. In view of the serious
accidents which often occur upon our own
railroads such a hospital car should form
a part of the equipment of every wreck
ing train. These accidents often occur in
l>la< >'s remote from hospitals and the
victims are of necessity subjected to
much Inconvenience if not actual danger
from poor accommodations and lack of
proper c;uo and limely attention. With
such a car, with surgeons and nurses
always ready for an emergency call, the
victims of a railroad disaster would be
much better and mure speedily cared for
and could be at once taken to well
equipped hospitals in the city. On the
humanitarian side this would prevent
much needless suffering and even death.
On the financial side, it would materially
lessen the amount of daniHges against the
» • »
According to* Zenner the mental states
mest Injurious to health are the painful
and depressing emotions, care, worry,
sorrow, grief, anxiety, frig-ht, terror,
anger, rase, disappointment, etc. There
is scarcely a linilt to their disastrous ef
fects. Most commonly they produce men
tal disease or some other disorder of the
nervous system, chiefly hysteria and neu
rasthenia. Organic nervous disease Is
not rarely brought on In the same man
ner, and any organ, especially if it has
some inherent weakness, may thus be
come disordered In its functions or the
seat of organic disease. And not only
this, but the .same mental states may in
fluence infectious diseases as well as the
source of surgical disease find the result
of surgical operations.
• • •
The unfortunate custom so common
among the laity of discussing continuous
ly sickn-ss and sick people is a fertile
source of suggestive disease. Nor Is the
medical profession altogether innocent.
Careless words often do great harm in
this direction.
• » *
Kestell considers that consumption is
entirely a disease of mal-nutrttlon. Di
gestive disturbance, with a sensitive
nervous organization and poor sanitation
lower the vitality of the patient. Slight
exposure then causes pulmonary conges
tion which the system Is up.able to throw
off. Tubercular tissue is then formed in
the lungs furnishing a fertile soil for the
growth ol bacilli. Easily digested foods
should ba used which, are rich in al
bumen, phosphates and fat. The use of
pork, veal, white bread and sweets
favors an Increase of tuberculosis. Kus
tell bell ives in the efficacy of creosote In
five drop doses, three times a day, grad
ually Increased to fifteen or twenty
drops. lie claim? that this drug im
proves the appetite, decreases the bron.
chial secretion and moderates the cough.
• .» •
An English physician recently called at
tention to the absence of a cloak room
a.3 oiie of the contributory causes of ill
ness to those who attend places of wor
ship. There ran be little doubt but that
there are many evils connected with the
too common practice of importing into
the sacred edifice wet or snow-laden
shots, capes nnd mackintoshes, and even
umbrellas, to exhale during the service a
pestiferous moisture in immediate prox
imity to *he worshipers. The art of
making ihurches comfo; table and provid
ing for their frequenters those luxuries
which are taken for granted at all other
places of public resort, except, perhaps,
political meetings, is in a somewhat back
ward slat-, and In many such measures
there is a grand opening for reform.
• * *
A well known English authority on
mental diseases said that the cause of
suicide among the more intelligent classes
was due to auto-hypnotism. He explain
ed that a series of unhealthy suggestions
are In some way set up which do not nec
essarily r;sult In self-destruction, but
bring about, of necessity, an abnormal
state, ami bodily disease may follow. The
constant repetition of suggestions as to
suicide iinally Induces the victim to
overlook that his or her statement or
thought is. -'I will kill myself," and this
becomes no longer a thought but an Im
pulse over which there is no control. The
action eventually becomes automatic.and
the act .if .-o f-destructior, an unconsc'ous
• * *
Being a "good fellow" kills more doc
tors than any other thing. This one
drinks at first for companionship as he
desires to and finally dies a drunkard
bt< ause he can't help it. He stimulates
over an emergency with morphine, co
caine, chioral—anything— and feels strong
and glad and afraid to undertake noth
ing, but finally enters an early grave
frightened there by his own shadow.
The number of medical men, and women,
t< o, who are addicted to some drug habit
Is becoming appalling.
• * *
The public should better understand
some general truths about the approach
and manifestations of insanity. Who is to
teach this-, if not the physician? They
should be taught that the majority of in
sane people do not rave. That the forma
tive stage extends over a period of weeks
and months, and that during this time
skillful treatment and proDer restraint
may permanently arrest the disease. Also
that a change in disposition, habits and
Inclinations, without any apparent caus^,
13 a sign of mental deterioration, even
while the capability of conversing sanely
on other subjects remains unaltered.
• • *
Dr. Coulter truly says that "taking
cold is h. most frequent condition in the
causation of throat and nose diseases
and is the cause that can be most easily
prevented. Clothing of the entire body Is
a factor of paramount importance in the
prevention of colds, but too much cloth-
Ing about the head and neck is just as
disastrous as insufficient protection
• * »
L. Duncan Pulkley states that fresh
skimmed milk can be readily absorbed
and assimilated in nearly every instance
when taken on an alkaline stomach that
Is, three or four hours after meals There
is no coagulation, "costiveness' or im
paired appetite when thin method is fol
• • *
To check the "running of the nose" in
a head coM the following snuff is rec
ommended by the Medical Record: Co
ralne, hydrochlorate, 2% grains; menthol
4 grains; boraclc acid, 30 grains; pow
dered coiTee, 8 grains.
In the bronchial catarrh of measles
Stephens recommends: Liquor potassll
citratis, l»-j ounce; camphorated tincture
oi opium, 3 ounces; syrup of Ipecac, 1
drachm, syrup of acacia, % ounce; water
to make A ounces. Dose-A dessert spoon
ful every two hours for a child of five
For indigestion the following may be
useful v.here there is stomach and In
testinal disorders: Su?phate of strych
nine, 1-40 of a grain; ipecac, 1-10 of a
grain; capsicum and extract of rhubarb,
of each fc grain; extract of gentian. %
grain; bicarbonate at soda. 2 grains
Tor one pill. —Leon Nael.
Real Live, Jolly Old Santa Claus With Presents for the Children.
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:^*£&f 'JjSph WITH EVERY PURCHASE--These Coupons are < Blue ($2 purchase or over). Green ($3 purchase or over).
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J&r HmP The cosor of your coupon determines for Santa Claus the value of your present. /*** <f\ I/"*
The Plymouth is filled to overflowing with the most complete lines of sensible, useful Holiday Gift Goods we have &t
t. .. . ever gotten together. An early visit will repay you with thousands ot .. . . V*|
Helpful Holiday Suggestions. #^
Men's and Boys' Clothing. Furnishings, Bath and Lounging Kobes, Hats, Shoes and Women's Cloaks and Furs. \ - ■ ' $
Remember the Largest and Most Carefully Selected Stocks Are Here. '„ ) -S
You Can Depend Upon It: 07/\ '
The Styles Are Correct! Qualities Sterling! —Prices Lowest Always!
*fc \) Come With the Children and Enjoy the Fun at Santa Claus' Headquarters.
[All Kights Reserved.] -<TI
Concerning Men and Women. g
BY THE REV. E. J. HARDY. M. A. *•*
l*r (Author of "How to Be Happy Though Married," Etc.)
% Vl.—Old Bachelors and Old Maids. %
As people who can see think it strange
that anyone should be blind so those who
are married can scarcely understand the
existence of oli bachelors and old maids.
How do they come to be auch? Since we
are all born unmarried perhaps the ques
tion should rather be how do we come to
be married; but as celibacy is an unna
tural state the former way of putting the
question teems admissable.
There are not many who start the jour
ney of life with a resolution not to
marry- I certainly did know one boy five
years of age vho used to say that ho
would never marry and would let the
race die out; but he was exceptionally
thoughtful and observant beyond his
years of the misery of the world. An old
maid said: "I would not give my single
life for all tho double ones I have ever
seen." She came to this conclusion, how
ever, from a posteriori and not from a
priori reasoning, from comparing her sin
gle blessedness with the matrimonial mis
ery she had seen. She probably meant
what Mary Lamb did when she said that
she had seen some men whom she would
have married if they had asked her, she
had never seen a husband whom 3he
would have married.
It is sometimes said that all women,
not incurably deformed, can marry if
they like, but this is certainly not the
case in England, for the very good rea
son that there :ire not enough men to go
round. So long as there are three hun
dred thousand more women in this c ran
try than men there must be old maids, or,
to ?peak more politely, "unappropriated
blessings." I heard an ingenuous woman
saying lately that she never couM have
married because no man had ever loved
her or asked for her hand. My friend is
nicer than half the women who are mar
ried, only she was fated rot to l»e mar
ried, and her lot is not an uncommon one.
An old bachelor said that marriage is a
"liarmles3 amusement," but ho remained
content with theory and did not sro on to
learn in a practical way by marrying.
Why? Well, one never knows. Poople
may admire the marriage htate, and yet
hi.ye their own good reasons for not en
tering it. Under the pillow of Washing
ton Irving, when dying, there was found
a lock of hair and a miniature. AVho
will say that a man or a woman (-light
to marry who treasures up such mem
rrials and thinks of what might have
been? Some have never found their
other selves, or circumstances prevented
the junction of these selves; and which Is
more honorable a life of loneliness or a
loveless marriage? There are some who
have laid down tht-ir hopea of wedded
bliss for the sake of accomplishing some
good work, or for the sake of a father
mother, rtster or brothor. These and
many others could give better reasons for
spending their time outside the temple of
Hymen than those which induce their
f< r.lish detractors to rush in.
Many a girl looks on marriage as a vo
cation, who has never thought of the du
ties it involves; and I think for a woman
to fail to make and keep a home happy
Is to be a failure in a truer sense tha-n
to have failed to catch a husband. Bet
ter far to be laughed at by vulgar, stu
pid people (only persona of this descrip
tion would do It) for not being married
than never to be able to laugh because
you are married: No sensible person
would engage a servant if all they knew
of her were that she had, as a housemaid
lately advertised: "A fortnight's charac
ter from her last place;" but with even
less Information as to their characters
some women will accept husbands and
vow to love, honour, and obey them!
In comparison how much more honorable
and how much less unloved and unloving
is the spinster's lot! When Wilberforce
was a candidate M. P. for Hull, his sis
ter offered a new gown to each of the
wives of those who voted for her brother.
When saluted with "Miss Wllberforce
forever!" she pleasantly observed, "I
thank you, gentlemen, but I cannot agree
with you, for really I do not wish to be
Misa Wilberforce forever." We do not
blame Miss Wilberforce, or any other
young lady, for not wishing to be a
"Miss" forever; but, if this should be her
fate, she need not consider herself a
failure, or fancy that happiness is be
yond her reach. Let her make a resolu
tion like that of Libble Marsh In Mrs.
Gaskell's book, "Llbble Marsh's Three
Eras:" "As I know lam never likely to
have a home of my own, or a husband
that would look to me to make all
straight, or children to watch over or
care for, all which I tafke to be a wom
an's natural work, I must not lose time
in fretting and figetting after marriage,
but Just look about me for somewhat
else to do. I can see many a one misses
it In this way. They will hanker after
what Is ne'er likely to be theirs, Instead
of facing !t out, and settling down to be
old maids; and, as old maids, just look-
Ing round for the odd jobs God leaves
in the world for such as old maids to
do. There's plenty of such work, and
there's the blessing of God on them as
does It."
Slightly altering Shakespeare's words,
we may say that there is a tide In the
affairs of man, which, taken at the flood,
leads on to marriage. When young peo
ple omit this tide, thinking that they can
get it whenever they like,' before they
come to their senses they find themselves
in the shallows and miseries of old bach
elorhood or old maidenhood. Perhaps a
man has made an awkward proposal,
and, having bean refused, can never mus
ter up courage for a second venture.
Good-looking girls become old maids be
cause they are so hard to please. The
way to get married is to take the firs»t
reasonably good opportunity that offers.
After all. one person is much the same
as another If sound In wind and limb,
and well behaved. Those become old
bachelors and old maids who sigh after
the blameless absent possible, and think
that they ought to get perfection.
Old Bachelor Patient—Doctor. I feel
miserable In mind and body, what shall
I take?-Doctor (gruffly)— Take a wife,
Not a few old bachelors are in
their secret hearts sorry that they did
mot follow a prescription like this. Lord
Beaconsfield used to say that all women
should marry and no men, but I venture
to think that men require the regimen of
marriage quite as much or even more
than do women. Many old maids take
to good works, but most old bachelors
take to bad ones, or, if they do not go
so far as this, they acquire absurd and re
peliing habits which tend to diminish
their usefulness. Whenever you find a
man talking absurdly, oddly dressed, or
exhibiting any eccentricity of manner,
you may be sure that he Is not married.
If Dr. Johnson's wife had lived there
would have been no hoarding up of
orange peel, no touching all the posts In
walking along the streets, no eating and
drinking with disgusting voracity. If
Goldsmith had been married he would
never have worn that ridiculous and
memorable coat.
And the old bachelor who discovers
that he made a mistake In not marrying:
cannot comfort himself, as the old maid
often can, by thinking that he could not
have married. Many women cannot
marry, but almost every man can. He
may say that he could not have afforded
the luxury of marriage, but perhaps he
was able to afford other luxuries which,
to say the least, were lesw worthy. No
saying is truei than that It sometimes
costs less to keep two children than one
vice. Many bachelors absurdly over esti
mate the expense .of matrimony, and
think that all women are ruinously ex
travagant. That this is so I learn from a
conversation that was lately overheard
in a ball room. A lady of a not very re
tiring disposition, when dancing with a
middle-aged bachelor, asked him straight
out "Why don't you marry; can't you af
ford to keep a wife?" "My innocent young
thing," was his reply, "I can afford to
support half a dozen wives, but I can't
pay the milliner's bills of one." This man
expressed the fear that makes old bach T
elors of many, and If there are women
who wish to catch the poor timorous
things the best bait they can use now-a
days is simplicity In dress and In taste
The proposal is often made that old
bachelors should be taxed, but this comes
rather inconsistently from believers In
the happiness of marriage. If the institu
tion is so blessed It would be hard that
those who. from circumstances over
which in many cases they have no con
trol, remain bachelors should, in addition
to losing these blessings, have also to pay
a fine. There was a time In England when
an Impost was laid upon bachelors. Un
married dukes over the age of twenty-five
had to pay £12 10s per annum, "common
persons" a shilling. In 1755, bachelor*
were compelled to pay a heavier tax on
their servants than were married folk.
"What drives poetry out of the world?"
asked Goethe, and he answered "the
poets." On the same principle if it be
asked "What drives matrimony away
from many?" it may be answered "the
bad specimens from whom they had to
choose." It may have been some shock
which he once received that caused an
old bachelor to say that when he wanted
to discover the matrimonial tidings of his
friends he looked in the paper for the
news of the weak—so spelled. Perhaps
however it was a case of "sour crapes,"'
and that this old bachelor was realiy
sorry that he had deprived himself of the
strength and support which marriage
gives, and that he talked In this way to
pretend that he had not made a mistake
Of course there are old bachelors who
are neither useless nor disagreeable. Some
aTe unselfish like Charles Lamb and even
considered "jolly" by nephews and nieces
not merely for the "tips" they give but
for themselves.
At what age are "bachelors and maids
generally called "old?" This depends
very much upon themselves. A woman is
no older than she looks and a man no
older than he feels. The fact Is people
bring upon themselves the appellation of
"old bachelor" and "old maid." As a
rule it is not given to any one who re
tains a well-regulated rhfnd, a disposition
to enjoy simple pleasures, sympathy with
the sufferings of others, and fortitude to
support his or her own pains. A bachelor
who becomes small in his aims and pur
suits, who is self absorbed if not selfish,
who behaves in an unseemly way. who is
easily provoked, who rejoiceth in Iniquity
—such as he is considered a miserable
"old" bachelor.
So too the term "old" maid is given
soon and frequently to the harsh-voiced,
abrupt mannered, unmarried woman, who
imitates man in dress, and tone and bear
ing, who interferes with relations, and
sets them quarreling, whose rudeness and
selfishness make everyone uncomfortable
at the hotel or boarding house where she,
her cat. dog and canaTy live.
Very different is the old maid who may
be described as a success--and there are
such. She may not have an absorbing
mission, but she puts everyone into good
humor, and is always desired. She is
not soured by celibacy but can think ot
an.d plan for the happiness of others.
Sho Is gen lie, ready, helpful, and firm
withal, In sickness or any other emer
gency. Her eyes "are homes of silent
prayer," and she is truly religious, but
she does not talk much about religion.
An English tourfst' in; Donegal asked a
woman who had begged from him on the
road, if she were a,.widp.w. "Troth I am,
your honor, and the' worst kind of wld
der—an old maid,"'''Ws' the reply. This
suggests the enquiry *taether It is bet
ter to have lost the,: Joys and sorrows ol"
married life or n«\fer have had them
at all. In one respect, certainly, widows
are better off than did^rbaids. With pro
verbial facility the former can marry if
they like, the reason probably being that
they have formed the habit of trying to
please. It is true that many people so
abuse their matrimony that they make it
a school for scandal, but Instead of be
ing this It ought to be a school and train
ing ground for the Christian religion.
Perhaps from this point of view the
worst kind of widows and widowers are
old maids and old bachelors. They are
only halves of possible wholes and are
restless because they are reaching out for
unknown complements. But the hemis
phere may become a sphere in other
ways than by marriage.
The number of famous bachelors and
spinsters in the world's history is very
great, and to that number we can all add
the names of many whom the great world
may not know, but whom the little
Im 11 MI'S Mil
BY P. P. DUNNE. im Copyrighted 1809 by Robert Howard Russeil.
"Did ye r-read the* prisidint's mes
sage?" asked Mr. Dooley.
"I did not," said Mr. Hennessy.
"Well, ye-re r-right." aaid the philos
opher. "I didn't mesilf. 'Tis manny
years since I give up me devotion to that
form iv fiction. I don't think army wan
r-reads a message but th' clerk Iv th'
house iv rlprisintallves. an' he has to
hold his job. But I cud tell ye how
'tis written. Th' prlsidlnt summons th'
cab'net together an' they set ar-round a
long table smokln' seegars, excipt th' sic
rety Iv th' navy, an' he smokes a clga
reet. An' th' prisidint he says: 'La-ad 3,'
he says, ' 'tis up to me f'r to sind a few
wurruds," he says, 'iv good cheer,' he
says, 'to thim rllitlves iv th' civil service
on th' other side iv town,' he says. 'I'd
a great deal rather set up In th' gall'ry
an' hear me frind Grosvenor tell thim,'
he says, 'that I'm no poly-gamist like
that there David Harem feller that's
thryin' to break into congress,' he says,
'but ivvy other prisidint has done It,' he
says, 'an I suppose I've got to,' he says.
'What shall I say?' he says, an' he sets
there writin' 'Ye'ers thruly, WlUum Me-
Kin!ey,' an' makin pictures Iv a house In
Canton, Ohio, while th' cab'net thinks.
"Fin'lly th' sicrety Iv state, he says.
'Ye might start it off, if ye want to make
it a poplar docymint an' wan that'll be
raymimbered,' he says, 'whin ye ar-re for
gotten.' he says, 'be mintlonlng what has
been done be th' state department.' he
says. 'They'se a dhray at th' dure with
th' facts,' he says, 'if ye've f'rgotlen
thlm,' he says. 'Thin,' says th' sicrety iv
the threeasury, 'ye might glide aisily Into
a few remarks about th' excellent condi
tion Iv th' public fl-nanees,' he says.
'Something like this: "Thanks to th' tire
less activity Iv th' sicrety Iv th' threeas
ury th' efforts Iv those lnimies iv poplar
government, th' Wall sthreet bears, has
been onable to mark down Quotations an'
thus roon th' prosperity Iv th' nation.
All his ol' frinds will be glad to know
that this poplar an' affable gintleman
has his eye on th' ticker again. Lyraan
is th' boy f'r th' money," or "I dlnnaw
what I cud do without Lyman." Some
thing like that'd hit thim har-rd." 'In
passing,' sayg th' sicrety Iv war, 'ye
might say that ye were late in gettln'
held iv th" right man f*r me place, fr'm
th' r-right state, but now ye've got him
ye don't know how ye got along without
him. Te may add that I'm the ilrst
sicrety Iv war that iver showed that th 1
constltootion lv th' United States is ap
plicable on'y In such cases as It Is applied
to on account lv its applicability,' be
saya 'F'r further particklars see small
bllli an' me own report.' he says. 'I don't
know," says th' slcrety lv th' navy,'
'whether 'tis gln'rally undherstood, but,
he says, 'ye might point out that th
navy nlver was so efficient as at prisint.'
he says. 'Th' name lv Jawn D. Long will
not soon be f rgotten be hlmailf In com
mon with his follow counrhrymen,' ho
world—the village, the church, the fam
ily—knows well and prizes much. These
people are unmarried but no one thinks
of them as "old" bachelors and "old"
maids. The lives of many unmarried peo
ple are unhappy because they have failed
to find an object In life; but, when they
are more fortunate their love and powers
may be drawn out quite as much a.s those
of the married. Indeed, I believe that,
as a rule, the men and women who make
the best of unmarried life are those who
would have made the best husbands and
fathers, wives and mothers had It been
their lot to marry.
Next Week:
"Social Ambitions."
says. 'An allusion to th' gradjool exter
mination iv th' thrusts would be much
appnicyated In Noo Jersey,' says th' at
torney gin'ral. 'Those monsthers make
their homes there,' he says, 'an,' he says,
'I will say f'r thlm, they're good neigh
bors.' he says.
" 'An 1 while ye're at It," sayg a modest
voice fr'm th' corner iv th' room, 'don't
f'rget to dhrop In a bean f'r th' sicrety Iv
agriculture—T*nm Jim, th' farmeis' frind.
Gr-reat captains,' he says, 'with their
guns an" dhrums,' he says, 'soon pass
away, but whin they're gore wan figure
will stand out like th' cupola on a r-rerl
barn.' he says. 'To whom d'ye refer?"
angrily demands th 1 slcreiy iv war.
'To mesilf,' says th' sicrety iv agri
" 'Girtlemen,' says th' prisldint, 'ar-re
ye all through?" he says. "We ar-re.'
says they. 'An' where do I come in?' he
says. 'Why, 1 says th" sierety of state,
'ye sign th' dccymmt.' says he 'Well,'
says Mack, 'I've hserd yt're puggiations,"
he pays, 'an' yo may go back to wurruk,"
he eaya. 'I'll write this message, an' if
ye sue army lv yore nair.es in it,' he says,
'ye may conclude," he says, 'that me h&nd
has !ost its 'Manning." hsssys. 'I gues.fc\'
he says, 'I'm seme huckleberries In this
governna.it mesilf,' he says.
"An' he sets down an' writes: 'Fellow
citizens, I'm glad to see ye here, an'
hope ye won't stay long. Thanks to
ye'er uncle Bill, times is lookin' up an'
will be more so in th' near future. Me
foreign relations ar-re lv th' most plisint
nature. Ye will be glad to know that th*
frindshlp lv this counthry with Germany
planted In Samoa an' nourished at Ma
nila has grown to such a point as to
satisfy th' mos' critical German-Ameri
can. With England we ar-re on such
terms as must pleaze ivry Canajeen, but
not on army such terms as wud make
army Irishman think we ar-re on such
terms as we ought not to be. In other
wurruds, we cherish a deep animosity
mingled with passionate love, such a feel-
In' as we n.ust entertain to a nation with
common impulses f'r th' same money an'
a common language iv abuse. To'rd our
sister raypublic lv France an" our ol*
frind an' ally, Rooshla, to sunny Italy
an' Austhria an* Boolgahrla an' oppress
ed Poland, to th' Boer, who has manny
rilitives here, an' to Ivry other nation
b't Chinamen an' Indyans not votln',
kind regards. I wud speak to ye on th'
subject iv thrusts, but 1 have nawthin*
to say. If ye want to smash this neces
sary evil, this octopus that with its hor
rible tentacles is crushln' out an' nour
lahin* commerce, do it y'ersilf. That's
what ye're here fr. Something ought
to be done f*r th' Nic'ragyooa. canal, but
what th' divvle it Is. I dinnaw. As f'r
our newly acquired possessions 'tis ou»
intlntion to give them a form of gov
ernmint suited to their needs, which la
small, an' in short, to do as we blamed
please with thim, makln" up our minds
as we gt> along. So no more fr'm ye'ers
thruly. Wlllutn McKlnley.'
"An* there's th' message," said Mr.
"An" what did congress say?" Mr. Hen
neHsy asked.
"CongTess didn't say annythins," said
Mr. Dooley. "Congress yawned. But
congress*!! %?t th' ralo message whin
It goes over to th' White house wan at
a time to see about th' foorth-cias.-? post
Tti6 Warm Corner.
Sometimes a paper will put forth ona
kind of policy in one column and another
in some other column, but our evening1
English paper can do better than that.
Last Wednesday night the Dispatch ac
complished its great feat of being on
both sides of a question in the same col
umn. It Is doubtful If any other paper In
the country could do this. On the edi
torial page was an awful blow for Em
peror William, in the shape of a criticism
of the re4chstag s bold more about a
naval bill which Billy desired to have
passed, and which the reichstagers saw
f.t to shelve. Billy was told by this dex
terous evening paper that it was too
late in the day to muzzle public opinion,
that free speech is permissible, and that
the world Is composed of men. not of
princes. But immediately following this
i was a terrible article about the anti-ex
] pansion meeting in Minneapolis the othor
! night. Free speech goes in Geimany,
: but not here. The free speechiners In
; America are "a band of traitors," a
"nest of serpents," all under the heading
"Minnesota Disgraced." But it kindly
says that no legal proceedings will be
taken. It is a real comfort to know that
lese majeste regarding the opinions of the
editor of the evening paper is not a
crime punishable by imprisonment or
• • ♦
The Woman's League for the Suppres
sion of Masculinity passed some hot res
olutions recently touching upon the re
marks of Dr. S. G. Smith about women
wage earners. The doctor was com
pletely prostrated when he received them.
They were as follows:
Where&s, It has Dleased Almighty God
to allow a "featherless bipede made in
the semblance of a man" to occur "In
our midst," and to be so constituted
that he is able to open his mouth and
pour forth a torrent of words at will.
Whereas. This creature, doubtless
brought up by his father, taking a.l
vantage of his ability to talk, has said
majiy absurd, insulting and illogical
things about women workers, whose lit
tle fingers are worth more than tons of
Dr. Smiths; be it
Resolved. That the women of this
league forever repudiate the said Smith
and never speak to him again. Further
more, that they congratulate Jennie E.
Stafford, of Kansas City.who roasted Dr.
Smith a rich brown in a letter appear
ing in one of the daily papers; be it
Resolved. That a copy of these min
utes be sent to .Tennie B. Stafford, and
one to the said Dr. Smith, who is now
on the black list of this league.
• ♦ *
The worthy poor are now being- counted
by Mr. Hutchlns. in order that they may
be given Christmas dinners and Chrtst
mas cheer. This is well, but it must be
remembered that there is nothing In the
constitution, by-laws or decalogue In the
shape of a command to feed only the
worthy hungry- Unworthy poor have
children and they must be fed and made
happy nt Christmas. The Warm Corner
will receive subscriptions for tho iin
worthy poor.
• • •
Smith—How old Is ahe?
Brown—She will be twenty-scren her
next six birthdays.
• * *
The light of the Gospel is not a meta
phorical term in New York. One of the
ohurches ha* -placed an elec-.ric sign at
its door which shines like a good deed in
a naughty world.
• • •
The pope and the Pioneer Press do not
agree about the beginning of the century.
Down with the pope!
• • •
This is the time of year when women
purchase lace curtains, Japane^ vases,
china teapots, rickety little tables, or
anything else ttMy may need for their
hu.'bnnds for Christmas. One Man-Not-
Afraid-of-Hla Wife got evon by giving
hf-r a dress suit and a box of cigars.
• • ♦
Quite a number of people are wonder
ing wheieln tho English aro Rgbtlng now
more for "pood government, for civilisa
tion and progress" then when they fought
us US years agra Ti.o dlfftereni*e in the
cases is the clln>n*ncee between twenties
dee and tweedledum. —Itegaie.

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