The Saint Paul globe., February 16, 1902, Page 22, Image 25

About The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
22
Copyright 1902, by
Robert Howard Russell.
— SEE," said Mr. Hennessy, "th' sinit has rayfused
■ f'r to confirm th' nommynation iv a man f'r an of-
I fice out West because he'd been in jail."
"Pro-fissyonal jealousy," said Mr. Dooley. "Ye
I see, th' fact iv th' matther is th' sinit don't know
what th" people iv th' Far West want an' th' prisi
dint does. Th' sinit thinks th' jooty iv th' counthry
to th' land iv th' tarantuly is done if they sind out a
man too weak in th' lungs to stay in th' East an'
wan that can multiply eom-pound fractions in his head.
BuC th' prisidint he knows what's needed in th' Far
>&*~*"sz7C?i~7 /aiS
Tarantala Jake, 111* Whirlwind of Zuma Pass.
West is active, intilligint officers that can shoot through
th' pocket. Th' other day it become necess'ry to thrust
on th" impeeryal territory i^ Aryzony a competint per
son f'r to administher th' laws an' keep th' peace .iv
said community, an' th' politicians in Wash'nton was
f'r givin' thim somewan fr'm Connecticut or Rhode
Island with a cough an" a brother in th' legtelachure.
But th' prisidint says no. 'No,' he says, 'none but th'
best,' he says, ft th" domain iv th' settin' sun,' he
says. *I know th' counthry well,' he says, 'an' to cope
with th' hardy spirits iv Aryzony 'tis issintial we shud
have a man that can plug a coyote fr'm th' hip at fifty
paces,' he says. 'How can you dnraw to yon hectic
flush so's to make him good again th' full hands iv
thim communities where life is wan gay an' tireless
round iv shoot,' he says. 'Ye can't expict him to ripri-
Copyright 1902, by
Robert Howard Russell.
ONE Evening a Company of Tourists who knew all
about the Fall Line of Goods found themselves
laid out in a Jim-Crow Town. As usual, there
had been a Good Show there the Week before,
but on this particular Night there was nothing
billed except a Rummage Sale at the Presby
terian Church. So the Wayfarers stuck to the Office
MHUTCMHW-
The Wayfarers Stuck to the Office.
of the Commercial Hotel, where they borrowed Cigars
and volunteered a few Chapters from a Busy Life.
The Man who told his Story early in the Game was at
a decided Disadvantage, because the next Author had
to raise him a few. The one who came in last of all
was sure to be the King Bee.
The Talk Carnival opened with a brief Session of the
CHAPTER XVI.
Being the Record of Cap'n
John .Smith.
SIR WALTER RALEIGH got all his weird ones
out of the end of a pipe, but Captain John
Smith just chewed up the raw material. This
early date Smith started about sixteen y^ars
after the man responsible for the present sale of
cigarettes finished, but plain John Smith, the
fii!»*st. wasted little time.
Cap"n Smith was a busy boy right from the day his
father chased him out to hurry things for his own ac
count and, better than that, he was his own press agent:
If Cap'n John could not tell about more things in the
sensational line than the next speaker it was simply
because Cap'n John had a frog in his throat.
Capn John first butted into the head lines when he
caught the boat carrying a collection of ambitious ones
to the new world: but even before this John was a busy
youth. Furthermore John made it a point to tell air
about it.
John got his start when King Henrys six or seven
times great grand father decided to mix things up with
the -utch across the bay. For seven months the then
plain John Smith knocked the army beef and the rest
of the rations and then he caught the boat for France.
Johns father was still living, and, as John needed
a bundle of the purchasing power, old man Smith went
around to see the early date historians and reported
that John had written home to tell about his shipwreck.
Father also mentioned that the long and short man had
separated son John from his bale of dollar bills. The
shipwreck and holdup were duly recorded.
John was .still trying to break into the daily papers
when he landed in France and the clerk at the swell
beanery of the imperial town was soon showing the John
Smith autograph to the hotel reporters.
The busy tit-ws gatherers went aiter John, and John
made them hurry. He landed it out cold that he had
just changed to dry clothes after a forty-mil 9 swim
in the North Sea. John explained that he had made
SCIENTIFIC MISCELLANY.
Coloring glass by penetration, as If.
Leon Lemal calls his interesting pro- I
cess, offers varied and attractive (Jo- ''
suits. Sliver salt, in small quantity, but \
varying with the intensity of color de
sired, is placed upon the surface *of the i
glass, which is then boated to fix) de- I
grees or *jO degrees C, baking ; tor fire J
minutes giving a yellow stain to a depth!
of 1-150 of an inch, which,is sncrea3sd to I
1-15 of an inch in eighteen hours. The
yellow shows a beautiful greenish: or
bluish fluorescence in -reflected light, l^ace
patterns can '". be transfer ., to glass by
this method, colored monograms > may be
obtained, and even coHodion negatives
may rbe printed in various' colors^ * Silver
and copper- give a vrtd."•>.while.:*.gold' and
Iron salts have been used : tor other ef
fects. : ■ ■ ,-/::'c-; r V::
TU? smoke-consuminir plan of M. D Alt-
Mr. pooleg 01) tiie pa^ Mai) Froiji the West.
sint th' majesty iv th' govermint iv Washington an*
Lincoln. He'd be bucked off befure he got his feet
in th' sturrups. No, sir, th' man iv me choice is Tar
antula Jake, th' whirlwind of Zama Pass. This immi
nint statesman has pocketed more balls thin army other
disperado west iv Tucson an' army docymints iv state
enthrusted to his hands is sure to be delivered to their
object,' he says, 'or,' he says, 'th' heirs iv th' object,' he
says.
" 'But,' says th' sinit, 'he lost an ear in a fight.'
"'A boyish error,' says th' prisidint. 'Th' man threw
th' knife at him,' he says.
" 'An' he kilt a man,' says they.
" 'Ye do him an injustice,' says th' prisidint. 'Kilt
a man, says ye! Kilt a man! Such is fame. Why,'
he says, 'he's kilt more men thin th' sinit has repy£a_
tions,' he says. 'Ye might jus' as well say me frind
Sinitor Bivridge wanst made a speech, or that Shakes
pere wrote a play or that it's a fine tooth I have.
If all th' people Jake has kilt was alive today, wed
be passin' congisted disthrict legislachion f'r Aryzony.
Kilt a man, it it! I give ye me wurrud that ye can
hardly find wan home in Aryeony fr'm th' proudest dcfoy
story-an'-a-half place iv th' rich to th' lowly doby
wan-story hut iv th' poor that this flagrant pathrite
hasn't deprived iv at laste wan ornymint. Didn't I tell
ye he is a killer? I didn't mane a man that on'y wanst
in a while takes a life. He's a rale killer. He's no
retaileT. He's th' Armour iv that particular line iv
slaughter. Ye don't suppose that I'd propose f'r to
enthrust him with a lofty constichoochinal mission if
he on'y kilt wan man. Me notions iv th' jooties iv
public office is far higher thin that, I thank hiven. Be
sides in th' case ye speak iv 'twas justifiable homicide.
He had ast th' man to dhrink with him. No, sir, I
have examined his record carefully an' I find him fully
equipped f'r army emergency. He nivir misses. Th' cor
oner follows him like a horse afther a hay wagon.
He's the man f'r the* place, th' quick dhr^win', readily
passionate, hammerless gun firm' Terror iv th' Great
Desert."
"But Lh' sinit didn't approve iv him. Th' sinitor
fr'm Matsachcosetts where human life is held so cheap
that no wan thinks iv ta&Ln' it, pro-tested agin him an'
'twas fin'lly discovered that early in his career he'd
been caught runnin' off a bunch iv cows an' pushed into
jail, an' that was too much f'r th' honrable body, hardly
wan mimber iv which has iver been caught. So they
give Jake th" go-by.
"But it'll come out all right in th' end. The' prisi
dint knows what th' West wants an' he'll get it f'r
thim. Th' West is no effete community, where th'
folks likes a quite book-keepin' life, an early supper, a
game iv cards, lock th' windy, wind th' clock an' go
to bed. That may do fr th' East. But in th' West,
we demand Sthrenuse Life an' Sudden Death. We're
people out here on th' des'late plains where th' sun
sets pink acrost th' grey dtseft an' th' scorpion clings
to th' toe. We don't want pianny tuners or plasther
saints to govern us. We want men who go to bed
The Moden> Fable & Society Tri W ers £t£^*M£
Home-Wreckers' Association, after which they started
in to tell how they had skun the Other Fellow at Games
of Chance. They hated to talk about Themselves, but
they had to do it.
The average Poker Story should run as a Serial. It
has a preamble about as long -as the Moral Law. The
Man who is spinning it, in order to entertain himseW,
begins by relating how he was on a Sleeper between
East St. Louis and Effingham. He tells the Name of the
Book he was reading, the Color of the Pullman Con
ductor's Whiskers and the Speed at which the Train
was running. Having settled these important Details
he slowly approaches the Plot of the Piece. It seems
that Albert Hieronomous who used to travel for Skin
stine, Walrus & Co., asked him to come into the State-
Room and hold Cards so as to make it four-handed. The
Narrator explains that he had no desire to Play, but he
went just to oblige Al. Then he tells about meeting a
Mining Expert from Colorado and a little Fat Man who
owned a Gents' Furnishing Store in St. Joe. He gives
the Conversation in regard to fixing the Ante and Limit
and forgets who had the first Deal, but anyway they all
dropped out the first time around and made it a Jack.
The St. Joe Man opened it and he, the Hero of the
Story, lingered on a Pair of Sevens but kept a One-
Spotter on the side and then picked up a Seven and an
Ace and made a foxy Bet of Two Bits, and so on and
so on. When it came time to change at the Junction, he
had everything except their Clothes.
The little Group in the Hotel Office listened to one of
these Typical Tales lasting from 7:30 to 8:45. The Next
Man was reminded of what happened to him in El Paso
when he sauntered into Cy Ryan's and nipped a big Iron
Dollar on the Single O. He caught it and let it lay for
a Repeater and then pushed the whole Stack over on the
Red and Red came. Then he sprinkled a few Yellow
Boys "on the first 12 and couldn't go wrong. After play
ing 15 minutes and losing back 375 he was still 2250 to
the Good when he cashed in .
It seemed that No. 3 knew how to Inhale a few, for
he butted in with a Beaut of how he put a Crimp in a
Faro Game at Seattle. He told another of the ju»t-hap
pended-in Kind. He was idly snow-balling the Lay-Out
while waiting for a Friend to get through with a Game
his start on the boat with a bunch of the ancestors
of the present collection of fortune-teller supporters, and
this bunch picked John Smith as the boy responsible
for the white-caps on the bay. The bunch remembered
;■; U&wuf'PWUmm'iiiMK^m&nnLmijimwmS ■ .
"I'aP'n Smtth Wm Busy the Day He Started."
the Jonah pipe, and John Smith was heaved into the
diluted salt. Before the little paper boys could start
their early-date deductions John showed them his rec
ords for the forty-mile swim to the main land.
John played 179 consecutive nights in France and gave
several souvenir performances, and then caught the boat
off is being-satisfactorily tested in Bel
gium in several steam origin.* ; and gas
engines up to fifty horse-power. The
smoke is driven by a fan into a filter
of -wood, coke, tow, or other porous ma
terial, over, which passes , a continuous
stream of petroleum, alcohol, or other
liquid hydrocarbon, , and it emerges as a
combustible gas of great heating power
which may be used for. the production "-■ of
steam or driving gas engines. The filter,
with the i, collected soor, ; etc.,. also . forms
a valuable fuel, this -pyr■j-^.-is' smoke
suppression giving great economy of com
bustion. MMgjgtiWffijj&jgl'g
Of two specters made the subject of a.
recent - biological paper, one ivas , the
shadow of a^.. person ;. that - had: 'teen
thrown on ; a .cloud .of : mist ;by'.'. a light
from a .];, window, -,■■ and the other was : &
similar shadow cast on a passing .oust
cloud by an " ; electric lamp. As mist and
dust disappeared, the eSect was of van
ishing figures, ; j_ \
■ \_
THE ST. PAUL GLOBE, MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1903.
PAGES TORtf FROM HISTORY.
. ■' -~ -,::.V;' -.:,.-■ -. :■'■ "^\---•...: ' m.
The cabit of Old Testament- Hebrews
equaled an English *.foot" and one-fifth, :it
the latest evidence '[ proves 'reliable. -
; Some curious . pictures made by 15r. W
J. Rusrell,. F. R. S.. have. depended imon
the action of certain papers -when ■ laid
on the ~ photographic ; plate »in the - <lark—
cuts,; holes and imperfections? generally
being plainly shown ' after; development.
Papers of mechanical: wood pulp and |
flax" are especially \ "etiv-% * those of cot- !
ton and -" hemp having "no: effevt at all. i
Thorough bleaching . destroys, this ifco- :
topographic"; power of the fibers,- and; the ■
most ;■'■. expensive papers V arts "V usually.-;* the \
least active. The best results have been
obtained -in about eighteen \ hours at a I
temperature of ■} 130 degree F. , Inactive
papers are made} to grive r pictures in 'a '
few minuts by passage":throus'h them !
of i hydrogen peroxide, vhich may ; come
.from-?--laying: on the back of the ? paper :
a slab :of : plaster of parts that has been
dipped in peroxide solution and dried,
with the^r spurs on' an' can break a gun without spikin'
their thumbs. We'll have JJjim too. Undher precedin'
administhrations, th' jois wint to th' la-ads with no
moro qualification® thin is needed to run a dairy lunch.
Some iv th' bes' places in th' West is held be th'
poorest shots, while men capable iv th' mos' sthrikin'
gun plays is left to dcaoie tkeir talents to private func
tions. An* they call that th' merit system! I expict
th' time is near at hand whin justice will be done these
worthy citizens. At prisint whin a man is needed f'r
a government office, he is called on to set down with
* ~^**ys-^f**. g^-.
Tlicj'H Be Practical Tests as Well.
a sheet iv pa-aper an' a pot iv ink an' say how manny
times eight-an'-a-half will go into a line drawn fr'm th'
base iv th' hypothenoose an' if he makes th' answer 1
bright .an' readable, they give him a place adminis
therin' th' affairs iv a proud people that cudden't tell
a hypothenoose fr'm a sea-lion. But whin things gets
goin' right undher this administhration, th' civil sarvice
commission consistin' iv th' Hon. Bill Cody, th' Hon.
Texas Jack, an' th' Hon. Bat Masterson will put th'
boys through an examination that'll bring out all there
is in thim. I'm preparin' a pa-aper f'r an examination
iv candidates fr sup'rintindint iv th' Smiths"onyan In
stitoot:
"1. Descrobe a round-up.
"2. Name five iv th" best brands (a) ca-de, (b) whis
ky, ye have used.
of Stud. He caught the Tray and began to Pyramid.
The Tray came right for him 27 times hand-running
and then the Dealer fell in a Fit and begged him to Stop.
He went back to the Hotel with his Overcoat Pockets
full of the Bank Roll.
A Clothing Salesman took the Floor with one of
He Flipped a Big Iron Dollar 011 the Single o.
those justly celebrated Pipes about, "Just before the
Fourth Race a Friend came to me and told me to get a
Piece of Money down on Lou Perkins." It seems that
Lou Perkins was commonly regarded as a crippled Goat,
and it was a case of write your own Ticket, the Price
running as Long as 275 to 1. '
"But the best I could, get,", says the truthful Clothing
Salesman, "was 200 to 1."
for Turkey. As soon as the mails oegan to get through
the friends of ttie Smith family dicovered that John
was again batting up in the 3:50 class and all the hits
were for long drives.
The very first day John pulled up close to Con
stantinople a swell-headed rug seller with a local repu
tation hired a saddle-horse from the corner livery and
started in John's direction. This fez wearer tipped it
off that he was the original Hali Adali and he was ready
to stop any imitation in fifteeen minuLts or forfeit a
bundle of shekels.
As John wrote home it was nuts and raisins for
the first John Smith. In the first three minutes he laced
a half-Kelson on the boy with the baggy pants and
then kicked his head off. Many regret that the wrest
ling rules were even changed.
John before he pinned himself behind all the gold
medals of the Turk country finished on Hali AdaJis,
the second and third. Hali Adalis, the fourth time!
caught the train for Asia in time to make a safe
getaway. John was pinched for being in on the play
and the police court judge rented him out to a miller.
John got to the miller. John got to the miller with the
busy end of a small threshing machine and his manager
was soon billing him for one night stands in Russia.
The bomb heavers failed to snuggle up close to the
fight game and a friendly sulphur miner started John
on the hurry to the boundary line. The original John
beat the Cossacks over the border by about nine min
utes.
Things were coming fast for the first John Smith,
but he overlooked the Why-Smuh-left-R-jssia gag and
signed to help sail a boat from Lunnon over to the new
world. Three days afttr the start John owned the boat
and he posed as head overseer when the landing was
worked.
The knowledge seekers smoking up on the historical
data begin to catch up with Capn John Smith right
about tne time he rowed in for the new world landing.
or from a plate of bright zinc >r glass
that has been coated with picture copal.
As ink resists the passag? of the pwx
ide, though in varying degree, writing
and prmting may be reproduced.
The novel vioKn of Mr. Charles Stroh,
of London, is claimed to have been per
fected on scientific principles after rive
years of experiment. The belly of the
ordinary instrument is replaced by a cir
cular diaphragm of aluminum, which is
loosely held in a suitable holder and re
sponds freely to every vibration of the
strings, and the sound is distributed
through a trumpet resonator of aluminum
at the side of the diaphragm. The vol
ume of sound is stated to equal that cf
three violins, while on first playing the
beautiful tone has the mellowness that
usually comes from age.
Adrenalin, the newly discovered active
principle of the suprarenal glands, will
not becom a common orug. Every pound
made requires the glands of 14,000 cattle.
"3. Afther makin' a cinch, is it proper f'r to al
ways kick th' critter in th' stomach or on'y whin ye
feel like it?
"4. Undher what circumstances shud a Mexican
not be shot, and if so, why?
"5. How long shud a tenderfoot dance befure he
is entitled to live?
"6. Name eigihty reasons f'r dhrawin' a gun.
"7. State ye'er opinyon iv sheep men.
"8. Write a brief account iv th' life an' death iv
Billy th' Kid.
"Iv coorse, Hinnissy, this is on'y a part iv th' ex
ercise. They'll be practical tests as well. Th' iligible
lisfll be taken out into th' yard an' required to shoot
at movin' an' stationary targets, at pedesthreens an'
horsemen* fr'm th' pocket, fr'm th' hip, over th' shoul
dher, fr'm a window with a sawed-off shot gun, an' so
on. They'll be required to bust a buokin' bronch, cut
out a steer fr'm th' herd without stampedin' th' rest,
lassoo movin' objects an' give other exhibitions iv
science. An' th' la-ad that wins out'll have to defind
his job agin all comers fr a month.
"I want to see this day. We're a nation iv hayroes
an' none but hayroes shud enjiye th' spoils. Thin we'll
read that th' Hon. Mike McCorker has been a-ppinted
Ambassadure to England. Mike is wan iv th' mos'
detarmined statesmen between Rapid City an' Raw
lins. His early life was spint in seclusion, owin' to
a little diff'rence about a horse, but he had no soonar
appeared in public life thin he made his mark on th'
marshal iv Red Gulch. He applied himsilf to his chosen
career with such perseverance an' so thrue an aim
that within two years he had risen to th' head iv his
profusion, a position that he has since held without
interruption excipt durin' th' peryod whin th' Hon.
Grin-die H. Gash shelled him fr three days with a
howitzer. His remarkable night attack on that gal
lant but sleepy statesman will not soon be frgotten. A
great ovation will be given Bill whin he pulls his
freight fr th' coort iv Saint James. Some iv th' boys
is loadin' up fr it already an' near all th' Chinese has
moved into th' hills. Ambassadure Gash was a Rough
Rider durin' th' late Cubian war.
"Th' appintment iv Judge Rufus Flush to be Chief
Justice iv tli' United Slates Supreeme Coort is hailed
with delight be all citizens Iv New Mexico. Judge Flush
is th' recognized authority on gun shot wounds an'
lynch law in th" Southwest, besides bein' in private life
a pretty handy man with knife or gun himsilf. He
was wan iv th 1 first men up San Joon Hill on th'
mim'rable day.
"Th' sicrety iv state was visited yisterdah be throop
B iv th' Rough Riders, includin' th' sicrety iv th'
threesury, th' postmasther gin'ral, nine disthrick judg
es, forty postmasthers, an" wan hundred an" eight col
lictors iv intarnal rivinoo. Th' conversation was in
formal but it is undcrshtud that th' advisability iv
an excursion to Boston to shoot up th' anti-impeeryalist
saloons was discussed. Th' prisidint dhropped in durin'
th' conference an' greeted all prisint be their first
He took $10 worth of Lou Perkins at 200 to 1 and she
came in sideways nodding to several Acquaintances in
the Grand Stand. He had landed at the Track with
$30.00 and a Badge, and he went back with Two Thou
sand and then a Lot in his Side Pockets that he didn't
take the Trouble to count.
Two or three others who had put the Bookies out of
Business and broken the Hearts of Professional Gam
blers chipped in to the Symposium, and at last it was up
to the old-time Drummer who had been sitting back do
ing a Listen.
"I don't belong in this Bunch," said the Vet. "I never
caused a Book-Maker to hit the Grit. I can win more out
oZ an Expense Account on one Trip that I have made
cut of the Picture Cards in 30 Years. The Fact is that
I am a Piker. Any time that I stand to win or lose more
than a Month's Salary at a single Toss, I get chilled be
low the Knees. That is when I begin to think about that
next Payment on the Building and Loan Stock. Some
times I am ashamed of myself for not being a keener
Sport. I figure that the Streak of Yellow in me must be
Double Width, or 72 inches. For years I have been up
and down the road with you Boys who clean up the
Book-Makers and give the Limerick Knock-Out to every
Poker Joint that you find. Trie Easy-Aloney Talk that
I have heard would fill the Century Dictionary. 11l teH
you that I have been discouraged at times to think that
I had to get my Cash by such slow and painful Methods
while all you had to do, any time you were hard pushed,
was to go out and shake down a Profts?.onal. During
all my time on the Road I never met one of you Fellows
who wasn't ahead of the Game. I cant understand what
you do with all your Money. Why is it that you, who
have been picking up these Vast Sums from time to
time are overdrawn at the House, while I, with no way
of getting it except by pinching the Salary and swelling
the Sundries, own a Chunk of Suburban Real Estate?
"There is something else I don't understand," con
tinued the Vet. "I see the Book-Makers -/earing these
$800 Sparks and eating at the Best Places. I drop in at
a Gambling Den and take notice of the Wheel inlaid
John had things all on his own side, and he also con
trolled the reports sent back to England.
And John sure did send back the reports. It was
too early for the go-way-l:ack-and-slt-down headache pio-
B«gMMEM^^Myi»i^miiHi4^J§
l'ocahoDta« to ihe Rescue,
ducer, but Cap'n Smith handed out the if-you-don't-work
you-don't-eat observation. This crack compelled much
discussion for the boys in on a political pull sent home a
round robin much to the protest. This demand to see
the bread-winning perspiration pushed by tlie first John
Smith is blamed by many for the shortage of the
Smith names in the present Uammany lists.
■each single gland weighing but two- :
fifths :of: an ounce aad . yielding but. a
quarter of a : grain iof adrenalin. The new
; product has promised much as a stringent '
opium antidote, etc.
f. The —fourteen to the ounce—
of : a Caucasus grower are simply com
pressed * tea ; in a - convenient . form for
; travelers. _.-■•;>. /.■ c : .-; ;;;■;;
Some electro-optical experiments lately
•made by Dr. Emile Bose, of Dresden, sug
gest novel l possibilities, \ practical - and the
oretical. ; After long * passage ■ of ■ an''elec
tric current through gold electrodes, in a
■ slightly acid > solution, •'; th \ anode i becomes
coated -with " hydroxide, and .■. on s subse
quently ;: connecting - the electrodes to a
sensitive galvanometer, a current is in
dicated whose intensity varies with the •
light ?: thrown hon " the ;; hydroxide. ■•-: xhe
variations "depend upon , the color asTweJT
as * the i intensity of • the light. Under the
electric I arc the difference in potential be-
I tween the I plates'', has beea a* much' as <
name, which is Bill. There was some good-natured
chaff as to which i\- th' gintlemen was first at th' top
iv San Joon Hill befure th' moetin' broke up. Th'
postmasther gin'ral is sufferin' fr'm a slight knife
Vv'ound."
Ar-re all th' people West iv th' park shootin' men?"
asked Mr. Hennessy, timidly.
"I think so," said Mr. Dooley, "but a man that's
been out there tells me not. He says annywan but
an Englishman cud go fr'm wan end iv th' West to
th' other without carryinl a gun an' that people that
kill each other are not considhered rayspictable in
Tucson army more thin they wud be in Eytsther Bay,
but that they-are mostly dhrunk men an' th' like iv
that. Th' towns, he says, is run be men that sell
ribbons, milk, yeast, spool thread, an' pills an' pull
teeth an' argye little foolish law suits, just as th'
towns down here are run, an' th' bad men are more
afraid iv thim thin they are iv each other. He says
there are things doin' out West that nivor got into th'
dime novels an' that whin people lose their lives
they do it mora often in a saw mill or smelter thin in
a dance hall. He says so but I don't believe him."
"I suppose," said Mr. Hennesy, "a man iv me peace
able disposition wud niver get a job."
with Pearl, the Rugs two inches thick" and the free Tur
key Sandwiches. I judge that the Rent and Lights
amount to Considerable. How can they keep going and
lose Money all the time? I never meet anyone who ad
mits that he is feeding his Income to the Man with the
Spotted Shirt. All the People I meet are bis Winners.
It must be that all these Games Inherited what they've
got."
When he paused, several of his Companions stretched
and said it was about time to turn in.
MORAL: The Man who gets Cleaned seldom blows
about it.
Living today Cap's Smith would make his home in
South Chicago. Cap's John insisted upon having it
Placed in his hand every time. lie learned that the
Indians spent their winter nights planting- gold bricks
in cellars of their teptes and quickly it was John tv
the Indians.
John succeeded in getting acquainted with many of
the early day redmen and the war dancers never forgot
that visit. One time Cap'n Smith's work pushed over to
the coarse side and before John reached the boat
several of his followers quit living in America. Cap'n
Smith pushed off from shore about three seconds ahead
of the prize club swinger of the tribe.
The next time Qap'n Smith started, his finish was
delayed. He did not even get in with the also ran.
He stopped mostly because seven varmints were inter
ested in a hatchet-throwing contest, and then, too, John
had his feet tied to the old oak.
After the contest Cap'n Smith wanted to hurry back
to the agent's house, but the redmen had only start, d.
There was something about the Smith person that in
terested the t>oys who were born on tMa rid« and they
wanted to show him to the others. Cap'n Smith acted
as trailer for an Indian parade for several moons, and
then, as he looked rather overworked, the head chief
suggested his finish.
The Smith family would have received a .severe che;k
just about tjiis time but for Miss Maude Pocahonta.s, a
maiden -with the foreign husband hunch. Maude -
the doings just in time to push in -etween Cap'n John
Smiths intellectual looking brow and a tt-poond ham
mer worked by the star shot putter of the agency. The
surprise was a pleasant one for John.
Then the redmen entered him in a cross country
race. Cap'n Smith was sent after the Jamestown record
and he broke it in about nine irregular pieces The
sprint hurt his feet and he permitted a young man named
Wolff to act as substitute in the ty-ing-up with Miss
Maude Pocahonas.
0.1 volt, but the most striking fact is
that different.parts cf the spectrum, red
and violet, produce opposite currents, dif
fering in direction as well as in degree.
The | formation :of ; varnish, long sup
posed to be an oxidation process, is other
wise explained ;by Dr. Kronstein, a Ger
man chemist. He finds that the constit
uent * elements and their j proportions re
main the same, but the molecular weight
becomes changed, the process \ being that
known )in chemistry as " polymerization.'
Sinoxin, so important for linoleum, is
polymerized linseed oil; in its highest
stage. •'■■'.': ' ... •■ -: ;/,•
The startling phenomena in ' .Perseus
; have opened .■ a fertile ' field for specula
■ tion. A ; British astronomer assumes that
different portions .of •: the meteoric matter
forming the nebula have been successive-
; ly lighted .up 5 from the; flash of the • ex
:• plosion that I produced the "new star,"
; and that ; the- apparent expansion must
- have ihad the velocity of ; : light. '-'. On: this
By F. P. Dunne.
H^i-i-O Bill j Ot^*'^ *'
TU' I'risidir.i Dropped In.
"Make a repytation," said Mr. Dooley. "Buy a gun."
By George Ade.
*rrtt? * ' 'in i I~*~c^-'^
The Host I Conld Get Was 200 to 1.
By Billy Mac.
hypothesis, the new star is so dist.nt
that light requires O3 years to reach us.
Kemains of a pigmy race that inhabit
ed Southern Germany, as well as Switz
erland and the Pyreneep, are among -.;e
late prehistoric finds. No skeleton ij
longer than 55 inches, many being small
j er.
Petroleum ether has been used for a
thermometer down to tin temperature of
- liquid air, at which It is still liquiu.
In Search of Quiet.
Hostess—l thought you were going to
play '"bridge."
Host—So we are, but they are playing
"ping-pong" in the dining room anl
"hies" in the billiard room. Jack's try
ing to imitate Dan Leno in the drawing
room, and Dicks got that infernal grama
phone of his going in the hall, and they
are laying supper in the smoking room, so
' we're going to the nursery.—Punch.