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The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, September 25, 1904, Image 34

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn90059523/1904-09-25/ed-1/seq-34/

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HOW COUNTESS W.
LADY ORMAROYD had found that
three treatments a week were
necessary for the preservation of
her complexion and the effectual
reducing of a double chin. Sometimes
I went to her. More frequently she
came to me.
I had sufficient interest in her ap
pearance and sufficient gratitude for
her many recommendations to do my
best for her. It was not easy work. I
could but use art to supply the defects
of nature and the ravages of time.
Still art in an artistic sense may have
pleasing results, and certainly Lady
Ormaroyd was easily satisfied. In an
age when every one "does themselves
up" more or less, people are too crit
ical. Society accepts deception" as its
due. Its only request is that it should
not be too glaring, too self-evident
either in person or morals. Of stories
and scandals told me by my client their
name was legion. According to her,
society was corrupt to the core. Every
one knew it, and yet no one tried to
remedy the evil. Women worshiped
money, and could not exist without ad
miration, excitement and display. They
gambled, and bet. and smoked, and
drank, and danced, and flirted from
Monday morning till Sunday night all
the season through. Sunday came no
longer as a rest day, a breathing, space
In that furious race for notoriety or
pleasure. It meant a chance for mo
toring; for mad races with rival Pan
hards and Mercedes and Napier cars,
Cor lioisy al fresco picnics and teas in
quiet retreats once sacred to rural
fwains-and rustic idyls.
Yet, as I pointed out to Lady Orma
royd, these new crazes. had their use.
They had inaugurated the cult of the
beauty doctor and introduced a new
and lucrative career for the surplus
feminine population of the British Isles.
The dust coarsened skins, the strained
eyes, the new facial wrinkles born of
Incessant attention, a constant "look
out" and a reckless bravado in the
matter of speed—all these notable re
sults of motoring made work for my
profession. Monday generally brought
a new relaj' of "victims." I, as one of
the conscientious members of the cult,
did not hesitate to give true names to
the evils I detected; but numbers of
less scrupulous manipulators only used
them as a means to an end, a very
profitable end, too, in some cases.
Lady Ormaroyd detested motoring, al
though on occasions she martyrized
herself for the benefit of a friend or
the duties of a chaperon.
On the Monday following the cele
brated garden party she sent for me
tq^do-her up" for the evening.
I found he_r lying on a couch in her (
dr«iw|fig room in a state of semi-ex.
hausticm.
"Oh, my dear Mme. Beaudelet, it's
a wonder I'm not dead!" she wailed.
"Look at me! Did you ever see such a
wreck? And I started off yesterday
afWrnoon as fresh as — well, never
mind. I was only to drive down to
Farnham-and expected to be back by
10 o'clock. I was going with Mrs.
Luke Porteous. who has her own car
and her own chauffeur, though she can
drive quite well herself. But there —
it's a long story. You'd •better get to
work and Til tell it while you're doing
my face. Thanks, that's quite com
fortable. Oh, my poor head! Every
nerve in it throbs. I feel as if I should
never get the horrible noise of that
machine out of my ears again! Well,
my dear, to continue, who should Mrs.
Luke call for en route but Countess W.
Of course, I didn't like to say anything
—so off we went. The countess sat
with the chauffeur in front of the car,
and Mrs. Porteous and j were behind.
You don't know her, perhaps.? Well,
she's the most awful talker. Her
tongue is never still for an instant.
She chattered and jabbered until I
was nearly mad, and what with the
noise of the thing and the speed and
the dust, and Mrs. Luke's dozen yards
of veiling that would keep getting
loose and flying into my face, and
taking all my attention to rearrange;
Re had gone, well, I thought some
THIS 18 mo van i L>HP^^kl• ™™* will be] m Five Hundred Cash Prizes
1 1119 19 WUn ¥UU I V34m^mMu^^T^^^ 15,841,144 VOTES CAST POR
Qf HBaffyflflf i ft Spygg PRESIDENT ON NOV. 8,1904.
Hll*C^ Pb*l7A Ca/«^%ttfl DmSjv** *I"ML.S««mI n M !i. A if tUfMnißßSta did Mm 3* : v —■. . ' .''- ■■ .. . * - Every subscriber to The St. Paul Globe has a chance to share In these cash prizes. Th«
* 21 oi n i£AZ OcCv/lIQ * a IZC 1 fslrd rFIZG -Ir WiWftIMB%B& w&m ■ 5- & i4k sfs\sTfc4\
_ • * ' - . • " .'^^TV'' * Iw'?J *LffllJffflfMv&3*k:jßrm&. O 71% ■ IIaIIINI subject matter of the interesting Contest In which these large prizes will be paid is the Total
«b 1 \JttN/VJvr 000 SS 000 v •^W&r**mlilmß ''''''fiMHwl ''•'■O> "" "•"' Popular Vote to be cast for the office of President of the United States on th« Bth day of No
o c ... _.. -- ' ___ _-*- - , .: UJUBN ■'"'^^eW^ „__ FOR THE NEAREST _Ullt!>d. vember,- 1904. Every man. woman and child In the United States should be Interested in the
- o special Prizes of $500 Each for Early; Subscriotioni I ttNrwu •''.'-^^k/ Vi .. ...i ■ . . '
r «• V^vv iwk-u *W BKiTiy OUOSCTipUCHIS l>^- flflrlß ;'^Bfeprtf.ii-'..;"-l'-..yV'>.-'- _j Greatest ElwStion the Country ha» ev«r had. It costs you nothinfl to win a prize.
Participation tn this contest is not confined to our readers, as the contest is being advertised in a number of other publications, the subscribettTto all of which have an equal opportunity to share in the distribution of the prizes.
Conditions of This Great Contest
■ •-■■'":s£»^^^SuiscnrPT^^a^rPiSßlSP^ 51 —0N 5 GUESSES. $4.00 ON SUBSCRIPTION 7 GUESSES. for th« office of ; President will determine who are entitled to the prizes and the awards will be -made by a
' These rcrtlficatM will i™,,,r.lw .» ' »^_ ».• *„..' ■ \^i «*, '^v^'>-'" *- r'^r ' I ' disinterested committee <of ; prominent .' judges just as soon as the official vfigures can be ascertained. When -
send T^r vonr Sr Jri n a il? to him any prj&s which hi« guessea will entitle him to claim. When you V ' • the prises are awarded every subscriber who : holds a certificate in; the contest will receive a printed list of
ber Bth to? tVofflcL^S PBB^B?MT UaT yOUr 5 4 veV* or e^^ °* the Total Vote to be cast on Novem- the winner* In addition to the large general prizes there are Eight Special Prizes of $500.00 each for early - .
" to^ vrta?fL^^n*^^TTi Df^ J rL- m? kinS«. y?? r exiesae9 «>n»"lt the figures below showing the subscriptions. All have an equal chance to win these magnificent prizes. Those who estimate or guess NOW
' SabscT?Dtion^Bl^k °i^Ji **° m^A Wrlte ytur ?a^ 18 ' addi^ Bß S 11* estimates of the vote in the have a chance to win = a special prize and just as good a chance to win the capital prize of $10,000.00 as the
be sent to you reJuiS^S w^ vV I*:^1 *:^ k V*th subscription to The St. Paul Globe. The paper wffl n -^ one who sends in his guesa on the last day of the contest. Act at onoe. It may mean a fortune to you. The
• send to us ThnfT^iirt^l- 2u maUJ? J OU certiflcat«a containing the fl*ure 3 of the guessea which you : ; , money with which to pay the prizes has ; been deposited by : the Press Publishing Association, iln the Central
"•■-• these c«rtificatM unti th. guarantee to you any prizes which your euesses.entitle you to. Keep - Savings Bank. Detroit, Mich., and can be used for-no other purpose. In case of a tie for: any Individual prize >-
'' n inese certificates until the prizes are awarded, so that you can compare your fMpires with the oißdal flg- - «uch prize will be equally divided between the contestants. --. >- \ -: :
HERE IS THE LIST OF PRIZES f — ZZZ I Valuable Information 1 t^^CTvbJk 1
—" " ' ■ . ,-, , . ... . ....,... -' . . . , „. i , . —;//".";:■-•. \ ~ ■*>■ " : m -:-^ ::r'r<\::' ''*■"' > ' To aid in forming your, estimates, we furnish the OWSCFlplblOI& Dlal»t£
■1 .'.•.-.■•->' ■■.--■.'■■"■ . ■'■ •:-'";" (JdDltci! PriZC : following figures: , ' ■= ■" ■:'-"-.:: ■■ ,' \ ■■ * ~ * ' ' ';;
For the nearest correct estimate or guejw. .$10,000.00 I. addition # fl ffcg forego^ ir},.. thß Mlimlna ; - • . f^^^m^M- Th* TQTAL> *OPTTLAB. VOTE for President la i nclo »ed find $ to apply on Subscription
For the second nearest correct estimate or In BUa"lun •» «H" Iwiegßlllg (HIZIS lfl» TOIJOWMg | s the year
u««a'- J V>v>" :v? ••"-•^••.•••V.^;U.vV.. 5,000.00 ' ■■-' -;"> .:■<---—-:'■ >,X -^-ii'.J^i^.' :.-:•• '■..:'■■■:■■,' ■:'■'■■■ ■-, ' ■■•; . J. .■:'■- :■ ■ -.; • ;■■■ ■ -t|- -■ ■ ■ ■■■• •-:- -\'--v : lw^wai'" 4024792 -r. V^,:-:':^W; ■ -to The : St. Paul Globe. :'-'-". '.-.:'
FogueS ™*™™^ co""!J.. es! l™*.. OT. 10 'oooo SPECIAL PRCES m mvi ESTIMATES will be paid: C-|f| AAA Aft 1868 w»:":: R-724-«M tocrea" ot «-23 r-^
For the fourth nearest correct estimate ror '. > i, : ; ■'"■"■•-':'-"- - ': • ■ ■■'■'""-S^;V?:":^ 1?-y:^ r *%* ■ V/vFvf* \J\J ,^ -^ 1872 was 6.466.1C6 increase of 12.94 per cent. Name ........;'..".........v..;....................'
guess •••• 50<h00 For the nearest correct guess received be- ■■.-:'-.,-■"':■"' ■-■■■: U-f!•-{ :;-^^V'':--' 1876 was...:. 8.412,733 Increase of 30.10 per cent ||i|jg|§g9£gj£&j ;^^#J
„5. p<s.es^:.rT!..fr Mct estlm*t* or 2(W oo VFo^^eS^elfi^lic^^ $5000° - ''^— ** *«* are ' S| V: ***°™ -^.209.406,- grease of-9,47^0^^ : P osto ffic , p^.o.&
!'itv^ For the sixth ; nearest [\ correct estimate "or >^ ' after July Ist and before July 15th 500.00 jrtA»ii '«•*« -r l D-i--^.. • 1884^wa«..:;. r.10,044,985.....t0crea5& of 9.07 per cent. :: • ..•.-■- . . -■
■■: : v:y guessr^';T:v::;?.v:;v:v.;.:r:Vr:':v:l-..-:-V.V.-. 100.00 ' For -th®,nrest correct guess received on or "- ; : P *-«|M. special .rriZeS- v~ ; 1888 was ;U.38»,M0. increase of 13.80 per cent. ; «* »! •l " : ': N ::. /
:::: For the 10 next nearest correct estimates -or£?\".=?::^ after July 15th = and before August 15t.... ii 500.M '^ .r - :■: ~<£± ■? j;" r; :t :"-■"•-' ;im;wa*;..v:l2.osMsl.;;^lncreaTO of v per cent '• ?^:"''T.'"""""'V : " "V* vv^*-**? #
guesses. 850 each :■...: .-.-. Tv ::.->. ;;V. li.v.. C 500 00 ;: * Por the nearest correct : gross received on or ;of $500.00 each for early estimates :.- --, *** -- -•" ,•«•!,«* »" -"!•■:-! Vr'--B^'--^? j-- ■», ■-,_♦, »**!.•• , ♦ *w^ : «■
PA- for the 20 next nearest correct estimates ror"^^ <• after % August Ist and ibefbralAugtwt' 15th -: : 500.00 : - : :t -, ■ > - v:> "^ -- 1896 13.923.102 increase of 15.45 per oent. : My Estimates of the total vote to be cast on Nor
[ : guesses, (25 each:;.r.:;;/.-; -;V.;.Y.v.i-;"..-. v: 500 00 : r°r the correct gwess received en or ■ .^-> : '-'•"- ■■ -^--^•;- ■ '':--'"■■■■ </--:- '■>■: ■■ - '■•,'-■'■.. > .rlSOO^waaf^;. 13,953,653 Increase of .2« per cent. vember. :8, 1904, tor the office of President are:
j : Por the 42 next nearest correct estimates or v;v .„ after August 15th and before Sept. Ist.. 500.0* 7 ~ -_"* : ; \.o; :- - -•:■• 1904 What will it be? V v'--i •■-;V"'^--';- .'■ <-/■';^-' :--.^;- " " .-
F^nw'^rn^sV^ecr^a^oV "°o° j|^^^S^Sg^^|^i| i 5..,,*.^,.- «£%&£'SZfSL'i&SZVFU 1 *~ I 4 .....= u...v-.....^.:.. : ...
guesses/ $10 each ......./...V......Y.— 1000 00 For the nearest correct guess receives on or x . «.. : D r-. v n \ 4 sobscrtptlon. It may mean a fortune to you.
! :"'For the 314 next nearest correct estimates or -"y^": after Set- 16th and : before Oct 15t...... i; 500 0* ' •"e G.GOe Contest . -^:V •Be - careful to write your name, figures and P. :O. :v..;...;^.....v.;...v....i. ' ■ >£:-
--! - guesses. =*6 ! each %:7;Vn^iv*.;';..;\^.l;'.^V^ 157000 r For the nearest correct «uess received on or '■ '''■'■ -" -\' --'7;'i;v;?': v^v:: :..:.^r' r i-::: plainly. j"?^.^: :">:-:;.: "::'.''P ;■-;■" -•"■ '"'■'" '■■'.'■. -:- ' ;**'_*'T'"V*-T»**-*-" #-*""?"- ;•"«**,****-!**"•""*****"
after Oct Ist and before Oct 16th 500.00 Department. Don't fall to take advantage of the
492 prizes amounting to 121.000.00 Total. 800 prises, amounting to. $25,000.00 | "' '- ' - 1 "-. SPECIAL PRIZES. I ' \
hundreds of miles before I began to
notice that the countess and the chauf
feur seemed to have a great deal to
say to each other. Their heads were
always jclose together,, and once, in
spite of that flying--veil, I felt sure I
saw him press her hnrrd.
"He was taking the car at a furious
rate, and I was simjily sick with ner
vousness. So naturally I didn't like to
think his attention was distracted. If
you'll believe me, my dear, not even
the appalling hideousness of motor
dress could disfigure that woman. She
looked a perfect c7ream, while I and
Mrs. Porteous represented guys fit for
the fifth of November. In an interval
of bumping and Jumping and jolting I
screamed to Mr 3. Luke, "Have you a
new chauffeur?" And at the same mo
ment the?e came a terrific bump, a
pandemonium of hideous sounds, creaks
and groans, and the car stopped dead.
The chauffeur jumped out. He pushed
up his goggles and I saw his face. It
was the face of a gentleman, and his
hands were white and shapely, with
beautifully manicured nails. I gripped
Mrs. Porteous by the arm. "You have
deceived me!" I cried. "That is not a
professional chauffeur. He is an ama
teur, and our lives are at his mercy!"
"Nonsense!" she said. "He is a
champion driver, and knows all about
motors. Don't be silly. He'll put the
car right in a .moment."
"Well, my dear, I groaned and shiv
ered and satfthere while that amateur
chauffeur worked at screws and cranks
and all imaginable horrors, and the vile
machine kept throbbing and creaking
like a mad steam engine. And there
we were in a lonely country road, and
not a house or human creature to be
seen, and I every moment expecting
the whole car would be blown up or
would turn over or do some of the
eccentric and unaccountable things
that cars do! (Oh, my dear, what a
blessing to feel your soft, cool hands
again! I never hoped to have this
treat during those dreadful moments
yesterday.)"
"And how did It all end?" I asked.
"End? Well, my Lady W. is about
the coolest and most barefaced person
I have ever met, and that's saying a
good deal! I think something like
half an hour had passed and still the
car couldn't be induced to move. We
were about three miles from Farnham,
according to the map, and there wasn't
a house visible anywhere near. Mrs.
Porteous, who is one of those dread
fully active, athletic people, suggested
we should walk on and see if we could
find any one to help in repairing the
motor, and after a long discussion we
set off. It was very hot and the road
was dusty, and I never was a good
walker. I suffered agonies, my dear —
positive agonies. I don't know how far
we had gone when suddenly Lady W.
discovered that she had left her reti
cule bag in the car, with her purse in
it She eald she must go back. SMe
££nnn3EN once a man learns the
Wffl/ sizes of and the things his
™v wife wears," said a depart
ment store floorwalker, "he's 'in bad,'
as the sports say. When he learns all
of her sizes he becomes enamored of
his ability as a shopper for her, and
once a married man gets into that con
dition it's all off with him so far as
ever having any loose change is con
cerned. The women, of course, are
foxy enough to encourage their hus
bands at this proxy shopping business.
In fact, a lot of wives deliberately
train their husbands at that sort of
thing. She says to him, for instance,
as he's starting for the office, that she
wants a pair of gloves to wear that
evening, but that she really doesn't feel
like going down town for them. Won't
he please get them for her? He asks
her the size and she writes it down on
a slip of paper.
"The man walks up to the glove
counter of the first' store he reaches
and says to the girli
" 'I want a pair of white kid gloves,'
THE ST. PAUL GLOBE. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25. 1904
r TOVND HEH LYTMG OHJL COU&&
would soon overtake us. I struggled
on after Mrs. Porteous, vowing that it
should be the last time I would have
anything to do with motoring.
"Well, we reached the» village at last
and went to the hoteL By that time I
was ready to drop, and could only gasp
for whiskey and soda. Then I began
to wonder what had become of Lady W.
But Mrs. Porteous told me not to both
er my head, she could always look after
herself. So we secured a room and had
ourselves brushed free of dust and
ordered dinner. I so tired that I
fell asleep. Dinner came, and not half
a bad one for a little country hotel.
We were about half way through when
we heard the 'toot' of a motor. We
rushed to the' window, and there was
our motor, ,and my lady and the chauf
feur side by side as before!"
She paused dramatically and opened
her eyes to.see how I took the informa
tion.
'"I suppose he put the car to rights
again," I suggested, "and Lady W.
WHEN A MAN DOES THE SHOPPING
naming the size.
"'About what price?* the girl in
quires, knowing perfectly well that a
man would rather get run over by a
milk wagon than look like a 'piker'
before a shop girl.
" 'Oh, I want the good stuff,' the
man says in that off hand, I'm no cheap
individual way, and the girl flashes a
pair of $3 white gid gloves on him."
'^.'They look all right/ says the man,
picking the gloves up and pretending
to know something about them by the
way he inspects the seams. 'How much
do they set me back?'
"Thre« f " Says the Girl
"Three," says the girl, and the man
produces the three and takes the
gloves.
" 'I guess I'm kind of poor when it
comes to that shopping thing,' the man
says to his wife when he tosses the
gloves into her lap that evening. 'Kind
of common, ornery looking gloves, that
pair, yes?'
"His wife undoes the bundles" and
holds the gloves out before her en
thusiastically.
"Why, where in the wide world did
MET THE PORTEOUS
From the Confessions of a Beauty Doctor
FOUMD HER IXTMG QNJL COUO&
thought she might as well drive in it?"
"My dear, ifs my belief there was
never anything wrong with it at all. It
was just a ruse to secure a tete-a
tete."
"But a chauffeur?" said L
"He came in to dinner," she an
swered, "and was introduced to me as
young Appledore. Do you know the
name? Rich brewers. The boy has
just come into sixty thousand pounds."
"Still "
"My dear Mme. Beaudelet, Bertie
Appledore. as a chauffeur, and Lady W.
as a noted bridge player, and sixty
thousand, with an enamoured young
fool as its possessor, explain them
selves. At least they did so after
copious draughts of champagne."
"And was the car all right? If«eo,
why didn't you come home?"
She gave a short laugh. "I can only
suppose it didn't suit their purpose to
make the return journey. Still, it was
useful to be able to say that I and Mrs.
Porteous were with My Lady on this
you get such bee-yu-ti-ful ones?" she
asks him while he swells up with pride.
'Why, you extravagant old thing you!
They couldn't have cost you a penny
less than $6. I saw a pair exactly like
them at Ta-ra-rum's only last Tues
day marked $6 —imported, you know.
Why, you reckless old lover!' and there
he stands grinning elatedly while he's
getting hugged.
"And that's the way many a married
man puts his head into the noose.
There isn't anything easier in life than
for a married woman to fan her hus
band into a flame of self-admiration,
and when she gets him nudged along
that way as to his cleverness at the
shopping business for her it's about all
over with him. He'll stand a tap any
old day for the joy of having his wife
throw up her hands estactScally over
the gear he's picked out for her.
"When he gets to know all of her
sizes, and he does in time, he's in
worse than ever. He's trained for fa4r
when he gets it as pat as that, and ha
moves right along to his doom.
"Passing by a window in which
there's a swell display of waists he
sees one that it strikes him would look
occasion. I sincerely hope, though,
that we shall not find ourselves dragged
into the case."
"Are you sure there will be one?" I
asked.
"Sure? Why, I know the lawyers.
And I know whom she has to thank for
her husband's decision. Do you re
member the cause celebre last season?
The Marchioness of Seawrack. Well,
she and Lady W. were great friends
once upon a time. Then the usual
thing intervened —a man. He admired
both and both admired him, and he
had the by no means enviable task of
driving a pair and pretending devotion
to single harness. Lady W. believed
she was the sole object of his adora
tion and made no secret of her own
feelings. He was a remarkably hand
some man — a CoL Bernadot, in the
guards. Well, how it happened I don't
exactly know, but one day she discov
ered a letter in Lady Seawrack's bou
doir. She knew the writer, and read it.
That letter simply sent her mad. She
mighty well on his wife —and it's only
fair to say, when it comes to that,
that most men nowadays have a first
rate idea as to what'll look well on
their wives.
"He stops in front of the display and
'rubbers' and begins to figure on the size .
of his bank roll.
" 'Eighteen bucks for that waist, eh?'
he says to himself. 'Why, that is like
throwing a brick through the window and
stealing it—cheap as dirt. B'lieve I've got
$22 |n_ my pantaloons now, and I guess I
wouldn't make a hjt for myself if I'd walk
in and toss that waist at the wife. Just
her color at that: Let's see, she wears
a. thirty-six waist,' and then nine times
out of ten, he bolts into the store and
gets the waist, even if the giving up the
$18 entails a number of genuine sacri
fices on his part, Just for the sake of the
applause he knows he will receive for
his artistic taste. When he carries the
waist home hl3 wife immediately calls
in all the near by women of her ac
quaintance and spreads the waist out
and shows it to them and tells them that
her husband picked it out all by his
lonesome. The other women jolly the
game along by decla*ing that the waist
CHAUFFEUR
» 4 4 4 * 4 4 4 * * « «.. . » i . » a . . •>•. . ;-!■■« „ >-> .-.-.■. -■'.- 1 '---■
took it away and sent ItV anonymously,
to the marquis. He ftad been un
usually long suffering, bift he couldn't
stand that. The result, of course, you
know if you read the -papers. She was
divorced and Bernadot married her. I
believe they're dreadfully unhappy and
have to lbre abroad.
"Her settlements were all right, so
they're not exactly paupera, but, as
I've said before, if those foola of women
would only remember that one man is
just as trying as another once they
have to live -with him, poor, dear Jeune
wouldn't have such a hard time of it,
and they might learn to run a menage
on the French .system. It's all very
well in America; where no one thinks
any the worse of you if you are di
vorced, and husbands are so well edu
cated that they believe it's entirely
their own fault if their wives are not
happy, but we're a long way behind
that superior system; insular prejudice
is still against a decree nisi."
I laughed as I gently wiped away the
remains of my new cream, and then
commenced the delicate task of "mak
ing up" Lady Ormaroyd'S face.
For some moments we were silent.
Then I asked her how long the
Countess W. had known Bertie Apple
"Oh. about a week or so," she an
swered. ."He's quite infatuated with
her, and he actually believes she's Im
maculate. Not a word will he listen to
in her disfavor, yet I should think the
motor, episode might have opened his
eyes. However, she'll no doubt pillage
him of every penny. She's done it to
other young fools—left them plucked
bare, ruined body and soul, cursing the
hour,they first saw or believed in her.
I'm sorry for Bertie. I know his peo
ple—they're good, sensible, honest folk
No false pretenses, no attempt to hid
the 'trade mark,' and he's the only son
The father's dead; be lives with hi
mother and aunt in Bedford square
The next thing will be that woman wil
call on them to please him and then —
She paused dramatically, and th
pause was emphasized by a knock a
the door. She cave a hasty glance a
herself, then smiled with satisfactio
and said, "Come in."
Enter Mrs. Luke Porteous, whom
knew—unprofessionally as yet.
"I thought I'must come and see how
you are. dear," she exclaimed. "Non
the worse, I hope."
"I shall never motor again," sai
Lady Ormaroyd solemnly.
Mrs. Porteous laughed. She was
stout, Jewish looking woman of 40 o
thereabouts. She seated herself In
low chair and scrutinized the massag
paraphernalia scattered on the adjoin
ing table.
"How fresh and nice you look. Does
massage really do any good? I don't
believe in it myself. I've heard it
loosens "the skin and makes it more
wrinkled, and as for steaming-, why,
it's just ruination! Thank goodness,
is just gTand and gorgeous, and say that
'deed they wished their husbands' "would
fetch things home that way, declaring
however, that they, the other husbands,
never think or such things.
"The wife of th« man trained thus far
gets him to design her gowns for her
after she has. got him thoroughly sea
soned. She tells him that she has given
up trying to arrange the details of pretty
frocka for herself—his judgement is so
Infallibly superior to hers, and the things
he has suggested have always at
tracted so much attention and ap
proval. When a wife gets her husband to
believing that he's a star dress designer
his condition Is hopeless. There's no
cure for him.
"She knows exactly what she wants,
and by gradual stages, but making him
believe all the time that he's doing it all
himself, she leads him around to express
ing his preference for exactly the thing
she wants, and then it's all over. She
gets, the frock that she has made up her
mind to have, and he gets the credit of
having designed it—the poor jay.
"I hat© to say it, being a married man
myself—but we're easy i n the hands of
our wives'"—Chicago Inter Ocean.
BY
RITA
my skin has lasted me so far. I've
scarcely a line or wrinkle."
"Jewesses," I observed, "have always
jiroodjjkins until they begin to put on
She flushed angrily. "Well, fat's bet
ter than paint any day. And as for
those creams and stuffs, why any one
with sense in their heads can put two
and two together. Why does massage
necessitate electrolysis? Answer me
I smiled. "I never heard that one
was the outcome of the other. They
certainly have no associations in the
business so far as I am concerned."
"Mme. Beaudelet has quite a specia
and particular,form of treatment," in
terposed Lady Ormaroyd, as she
smoothed the arch of her right eye
brow, i
"They all have," sneered Mrs. Por
teous. "There's Countess W al
ways cracking up her special Parisian
race doctor to me and entreating me
to try her. But I always scent com
missions on any of that fair lady's
recommendations, whether it's a face
powder or a motor car."
"Talking of motor cars," said Lady
Ormaroyd, "how did you get yours re
paired on Sunday night? I forgot to
ask you."
*On ' young Appledore managed
that, said she carelessly. "I didn't
bother my head about it. But it wasn't
Sunday night; it was Monday morning
—this morning—dear, if you'll take the
trouble to remember."
"My poor head was so confused I
was in such a state of nervousness,
that I really couldn't pay any attention
h° details," pleaded Lady Ormaroyd.
It wasrather fortunate, wasn't it, that
Lord W. should have been coming
down the steps of the club as we
passed ?'
"Fortunate?" said Mrs. Porteous,
stiffly; "I fall to see why there wai
anything very remarkable in such a—
coincidence."
"Oh, but then I think coincidences
always are remarkable. I mean it's so
dreadfully easy to meet the wrong per
son and miss the right one—and things
of that sort, wbich makes It so nic«
when they do happen as one would like
them to. I know my dear Gwen used
to sing a_song about 'Alas! how easily
things go wrong.' It was very pa
thetic; I used to feel inclined to cry,
although I'm the least romantic person
In the world. But I should fancy
Lady W. is singing that to herself thit
morning with some self-Jubilation.
And—but what a lovely bracelet you
are wearing, my dear. Is It newi
Such a novel design."
Mrs. Porteous glanced complacently
at a diamond bangle on her fat wrist.
"Yes, I think it is somewhat uncom
mon," she said. "It was a present.
Well, why should I make a secret of It?
It was really given me by dear Lady
W. as a little souvenir of our motor
trip."
"Oh, murmured Lady Ormaroyd,
raising her eyebrows. "How charm
ing! I wonder where I cpme m?"
. "You?" echoed Mrs. Porteous. "But
it was my car and my excursion and
my "
"Chauffeur?" inquired Lady Orma
royd, innocejitly.
There was a moment's silence. I had
my back turned to the speakers, but
the mirror on the dressing table showed
me their faces. The expression on
each was worth studying. Mrs. Luk»
Porteus rose and shook out her violet
and voluminous taffeta skirt.
"I hope, Lady Ormaroyd," she re
marked, "that you are not one of those
people who seem bent on putting a
wrongful interpretation on apparently
innocent actions! I should certainly
not have invited you to make a third
in this little expedition had I imagined
you would be so uncharitable about
"Uncharitable! But what have I
said?" exclaimed Lady Ormaroyd.
"There is a way of not saying
things," said Mrs. Porteous, "which
seems to convey—well, something not
to be- explained, but too evidently
meant."
"When Bertie Aenledore has run
through his sixty thousand pounds,"
said Lady Ormaroyd. "I shall be happy
to explain just what I have not —
meant."
After the door had closed she turned
to me.
"That diamond bangle," she observed,
"was given to Lady W. at Mrs. Clewe's
garden party. I think It was a consola
*«**- prize!"

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