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'STANDARD" BREVITIES. Boys don't always get tlieir cuffs at the laundry. Born to blush unseen—Young women •who paint. The French pretenders—Those wno ape Paris fashions. Every female holds a drees rehearsal for an hour before going to a party. Captain Henn ought to feel at home .ixi a race when he conies to the scratch. --Some gardeners put their phlox in beds, "which is more than herdsmen do. Queen Elizabeth style is expected to come in again about 1888. This is, in deed, rulf, When a man says, "I feel like a fish out of water," he feels dry and wants 'em Bet up. The butcher is no gambler but he is always ready to steak the lucky board in g-house keeper. A grocer advertises "something new in coffeeWe a re glad that beans have had their day, A tdiojk«eper IIM the counter on which he. "keeps his bathing suits labelled "di vert .utucies." It is to bii hoped that after Congress it.cljourits there wi).i be more swearing in and lest swearing out of office. It in not a misfortune for young lady to loiio her good ji&nie when a nice young geuUeruan gives her a better one. "Where is the best place to get fat?" asked a thin housekeeper of a neighbor. "All over!" wus the uuexpeeted reply, jiiii glad this cuilos dosen't owe me anything,"1' paid a boarder, at the break fast. "1 don't believe it would ever set tle." The sign of a barber upon a Parisian boulevard reads OB follows: "X Eu ropean barber. Customers shaved every language.1' "I fan glad to hear George is mar ried," Baid he Tinw.vngly "but then he never did me iiiiy .'iiirii'i,'' he continued, compass ionaioly. A school shaver got badly licked the other clay. When asked to conjugate the verb "caa" he said: **Caa couid, wanted to, find did.:" Wagner composed only seven operas, 5.-at he put noise enough in those for any and ull oi the days in the year except the Fourth of -July. »«Did you ever try a deal in stocks?'' asked one Burlington jiiyrciittiifc of an other. "Yes," was the sad reply, "I have tried ft do id too mur-h for my good."' A Maine man say* the way to start a balky horse is to lead him round and round until he i« dizzy. This the only way of achieving dizziness in Maine.. It if- related of a popular clergyman iiuit he startled a dull prayer meeting propose acting as iug mutch. A Ko'noken man is ths polished resident of New A young friend advertised for a wife, his sister answered the advertisement, and now the young man thinks there in no balm in advertisements, wiiile the old folks think it is hard to have two j'uols in the family. I'urs. Reginald lluby (who has been enmmoned in general sessions as a wit noss:} "If they Rsk me my age, dear, what: shall say?" Reginald: "Bay you liiive not reached the years of discretion. Let go my hair, will yon?-' A. Galveston school teacher had great deal of trouble making a boy un derstand his lesson. Finally, however, he succeeded, and drawing a long oreath, remarked "If it wasn't for me, you would be the biggest donkey on Galves ton Island. There are various way of ascertaining whether a gun is loaded or ^not, but the rnoit popular way appears to be to blow down the muzsle, at tiic same time pressing the hammer back with the foot. The coroner keeps the statistics of this style of iuvestigation. Frederick the Great had a most phil osophic indifference to death—m others. In one of his battles, a battalion of vet erans having taken their heels he gal loped after them bawling out, "Why do vou run away, yon old blackguards? Do you want to live forever?" This is the season when people stay up all night for fear of not being awake on time to catch the excursion train, start away for a days pleasure tired,sick and weary, and come home so complete ly fagged out that it takes them a week to recover. Fun? Why of course it is the height of fun. IRISHMEN IN CONTENTION. A Tremendous Gathering in Chicago President Egan's Address CHICAGO, 111., Aug. IS.-The scene presented in Central Music Hall short ly after 3 o'clock this afternoon was in many respects extraordinary. The beautiful auditorium was crowded to the utmost, the delegates occupying the lobby and the seats on the lower floor, while the boxes and galleries had their full quota of ladies. There was a tremendous outburst of applause on the entry of Michael Davitt and again wild cheering when the presence of Mrs. Parnell was recognized. She was giyen a seat in the center of the stage in the flr3t row of seats. As if the appearance of the mother of the great Irish leader was the signal for the opening of the convention, delegates and spectators at once began crowding into the hall. The second gallery and the top tier of pri vate boxes were available lor those oth er than delegates. While the members of the convention were taking their places, Mrs. Parnell, plainly attired in a well fitting silk dress with a handsome white lace fishu crossed over her breast and her matronly head surmounted with a small bonnet of light blue satin, sat quietly conversing with a group of ladies at her .side. At 3 o'clock none of the officers of the league had yet put in an appearance and the delegates were beginning to manifest symptoms of restlessness. The band stationed in the gallery played with redoubled en ergy. The delegates and male specta tors wiped their perspiring brows,while the ladies plied fans and the reporters sharpened pencils and arranged great pads of white paper. Central Mudo Hall can comfortably hold 3.GOO people, and by 8 p, m. jast about that number were already in the hall. The entire audience rose to their feet like one man and cheered themselves hoarse when MICHAEL DAVITT. leaning on the arm. ot Patrick Egan and followed by the remaining Irifih dele gates and other officers of the National League, entered tlie hall. The visitors and officers* made their way to the stage amid the shouts and plaudits of the crowd, and the first move was spontan eovsly towards Mrs. Purnell. Davitt and others warmly shook her by the hand,, while the cheering of che Ameri can delegates and the audience seemed to know no bounds. The stage was oc cupied almost exclusively by the officers of the league, and the lady friends of Mrs. Parnell and the Irish visitors. After fully five minutes of welcoming cheers and handshaking, and three cheers more i'or the great Irish embass adors, a wait of some time ensued then an exquisitely wrought floral harp was brought in and placed before the presi dent's chair., PRESIDENT EGAN, Patrick Egan, president of the league, called the convention to order, and delivered the following address: Once more the elected delegates of the Irish National League of America have- come together in national conven tion to adopt, such measures as may seem best for the furtherance of the great and holy cause in which we are (jy bj, announcing that he "did'at engaged. We shall fce inspired by the umpire for a sleep- most highly Jersey, Ho cidentaily rubbed his rheumatic limbs the other day with furniture polish iu stt ad of liniment. "The roaches in this house are re markably versatile," said an actor at a hotel table, picking up a biscuit. "I nohce that they appear in different rolls every morning.'5 .'in rl /i ."1 r.ll Y\ /lAtl A1? presence and aided by the counsel of the man, who. of all others—nob even excepting our great leader himselt— hoids the warmest place in the hearts of the Irish exiles, the man whom Charles Stewart Parnell has called the father of the laud league—honest, fearless Michael Davitt ha'v the We shall also ave the inspiring presence and aid ot gation from Ireland—my friend, Wil liarn (..'• lh'ien, who has banished more snakes and reptiles from Ireland than any other man since the days of St. Patrick,) John lledmond and John Deasy, In your name, in the name of the Irish National League of America, 1 welcome these gentlemen to the con vention. It is my priviledge and prk!6 to be able to congratulate you upon the glorious progress our cause has made, and upon the spkndid work you have helped to accomplish for Irish nation ality since we last met in Faneuil hall. Then the infamous crimes act was in force in Ireland Every man's liberty and life were at the mercy of the hired and trained per jurers of Dublin castle, Out of 103 members of parliament returned from Ireland, less than thirty could be relied on to follow Mr. Parnell while both English parties were solidly combined against Home Rule for Ireland. To even the most sanguine amongst us the realization cf our hopes for the restora tion of our national parliament seemed, indeed, a long way off, Such,however, are THE STRIDES OUR CAUSE HAS XADE since then that but months ago victory seemed within our very grasp. Mr. Parnell can now count, instead of a following of twenty-five or thirty, a formidable party of eighty-five. Coer cion, as a system, is, I believe, dead. Not even the blustering and blunder ing Tories will dare to retort to it. Three successive governments have been overthrown within nine months on the Irish question. All over the world the struggle for Irish liberty is keenly watched, and English states men have come to learn that the meas ure of England^ influence amongst the nations will be in proportion to the peace that reigns in Ireland, and that there can be no peace with Ireland or with the Irish race until Ireland ob tains Home Rule. The greatest of English statesmen has made Home Rule a cabinet question, and while MB. Gladstone has for the moment gone down before the force of English pre judice and English ignorance, the ban ner of Home Rule for Ireland will, in his own words, "be borne with the firm hand of the united people, perhaps not to an easy but to a certain and not far off victory." I think our friends from the old land will tell you that in the achievement of this great progress, the aid, material and moral of the Irish National League in America, has been an important factor. Since the Boston convention, the national treasurer, Father O'Reilly, has forwarded to the National league at home, and to the trustees of the parliamentary fund, OVER $320,000. Of that $75,000 reached the hands of Mr. Parnell on the eve of the election of last fall, and we had the great grati fication of receiving Mr. Parnell's as surance that it enabled him to win vic tories he could not otherwise have se cured, Your executive adopted var ious methods to enlighten the Ameri can public on the Irish cause, and the warm and vigorous outbursts of purely American indorsement which from one end to the other of this great country greeted the introduction by Mr. Glad stone of his Home Rule and land bills attests the success or our eil'orts. Not only has this league done its part in aiding and supporting the struggle at home, but is has made the cause of Ire land respected amongst Amer icans,and through that means has helped largely to elevate our people on this continent. Our action at this convention will be watched from across the Atlantic with the very closest interest from Ireland with hope and pride and joy from Eng land—or a large section of its people— with hatred the most intense, and with the bitter hope that our deliberation may end in dissensions and disaster. Differences there may exist among us, as amone all other organizations, but they must and shall be settled by the vot°, of this convention. Ireland's causa is too sacred a trust to be made the shuttlecock of politicians, the sport of any man's vanity, or a weapon for the grat.ill cation of any man's personal malice. Ireland is passing through a terrible crisis. Our people look to us for aid. comfort and encouragemant in their desperate struggle. Their hopes are in a great measure centered on the outcome of this convention. VICTORY SEEMS CLOSE AT HAND, and I feel that there is enough common sense, manhood and dignity in this convention to see to it that it be not dashed away, that Ireland's hopes be not shattered. Unity, caution, perse verance and determination are the. ne cessity of the hour—unity among all honest, manly element of Irish nation alism on this continent under the ban ner of the Irish National League of America and unity of purpose and of action between the league in America and the league at. home caution, that no word or act of ours will compromise our friends beyond the water, but at tho same time caution that must never degenerate into cowardice persever ance—cool, steady perseverance—on the lines and under the leadership of Charles Stewart Parnell and determin ation, such determination as that shown by the fathers of American liberty—-to win back our plundered rights at all hazards. I see emblazoned on these walls the motio, "We are for Irish lib erty. Peacefully if we can, otherwise if we must." This is the true national position. This is the true position eVevy true-born American can inch it WLUUU CVWJ WUC'UUiU appreciatej the on lie patriotic, brave and faithful dele- England can respect, and I maintain il is the position and spirit which-has placed the cause of Irish nationalty where it stands to-da5r. iy position whicl President Egan announced that at a meeting of the national conirnittee last night Judge James H. Fitzgerald, of Cincinnati, had been selected for tem porary chairman of the convention and John P. Sutton for temporary secretary. Oatholic Temperance Union of America. The report of the convention of the Catholic Temperance Union of America, which convened at Notre Dame unniver eity, led., Augnpt 6, is to hand. The following officers were elected for the en suing year:—President, Rev. J. M. Gleavy, of Kenosha, Wis, vice president Rev. T. J. Conaty, of Worcester, Mass. treasurer, Rev. J. D. Bowles, of Fre mont, Ohio secretary, Philip A. JSoian. Philadelphia. Tiie following Provincial vise-presi dents were appointed: Baltimore—M.J. Dooner, of Savannah, Ga. Boston— Jeremiah G. Fennessey, of Boston. Cincinnati—Rev F. C. Weichman, of An derson, Ind. Chicago—Hugh J. Ma guire, of Chicago. Milwaukee—H. J. Desmond, of Milwaukee. New York— Robert Wilson, of New York. Philadel phia—D. M. Campbell, of Scranton. Convention adjourned to meet in Phil adelphia on the first Wednesday of Au gust, 1887. The Delegates can certainly say that all the attractiveness of Notre Dame, so eloquently set forth at New Haven, in 1835, by the Rev. M. P* Fallize, C.S.C., was more than realized. The whole souled hospitality of this great- Univer sity was the theme of praise by all the delegates, and the moral effect of an in stitution devoted to the education of our youth assisting in the work of promot ing Total Abstinence is oertainiy worthy „\'»v 4 i%t O -1 THE IRISH STANDARD: SATURDAY, AUGUST 21, 1886. of commendation. One of the most pleasing features of the convention was the presence on the opening day of the St. Joseph Adult and St. Anthony Cadets, of Kalamazoo, Mich., and. the St. Michael Junior Pioneer Carps, of Philadelphia. Now that the Sixteenth annual con vention has closed, the Delegates should take up the work with renewed zeal, and by earnest and faithful work make an increase in membership, bo that the General Secretary will be enabled to re port at the Philadelphia convention" a membership of at least one-hundred thousand (100,000.) WHZAT—NO 1 bard at T7c bid Sept. No 1 northern 7&c bid for Sept. Cokn—Sales liirbt 8S@40c, according to con dition. FiiOUB—Minneapolis patents, in sacks, to local dealer s, if 60@4 70 :for shipment in sacks,car lots, 84 80gi4 40 in barrels,$460@4 70 delivered at New England points, $510@5 30 at New York points, 85 00@5 10 ryeflcur, pure, nominal at|176®2 per 100lbs, and buckwheat. $4(§i5 per bbl. Bran—Held at firstname.lastname@example.org in bulk. Shobts—Bulk,?S50®$1000. 0 Oats—NO 2 white selling: at 24@27c on track. The range of sample sales is from 33® 27c ot. Rye—Nominalat 53@55c for Nos 2 and 3. BARMSv—Quiet at frotn 3o@55c for Nos 2 and 3 by sample. Corn meai.—Coarse, city, 14()0@$14o0, deliv ered in lots ola ton or more. MIXED I-EBU—Good southern quiet at CHEESE—Fancy full cream, 9@10c fine full cream, S@9e part skims, 7@Sc skims, 4@Gc. DRESSED MEATS—Prices for -well dressed: Eeef.hiud gu'3.GJ4@S |Hums, city 9@11 Countrydres'd.5 @6 .Hams, country 7© 8 Sides,citydreYi.r, ©6% Breakfast bacon.. 9@11 Country drt!S'u.4£@5 !Shoulders LIQUORS AND CIGARS, 113 WASHINGTON AVE. SOUTH MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA. Branca house, corner street St. Paul. CT3 ^r r—^ ixT ^5? 2 Minneapolis Produce. MINNEAPOLIS, Aug. 19. 14 00 16 OOon track and to arrive city ground. §15 00@ 16 00 for choice, delivered in lots of a ton or more. HAY—Receipts moderate market steadyand quiet prices steady choice sold at$8 00©8 50 fair, steady, 00@G 00. OATMEAL—Steel cut, $2 3S@$3 per half bbl. BUTTER—In job lots: Fancy creamery, 20c extra firsts, 16@18c dairy, fancy, 16@18c dairy, seconds, 14(f/-15c dairy, thirds, 8®9c. packing stock, 4@5c grease, 2©'Z14c. 5@ 6 Fore quarters..@4 jSides Veal, choice... S (fi,10 'Mutton, city 4@ 5 Dressed ho?:8..4i(£4j^'Muttcn, eouatry..5@51/4 EGGS—Strictly fresh, LIFT to lSc. VjiOETABijKS—-Ollerod by dealers: Cabbage, doz ,' yr&69 Spmach, bu 30 Onions, oil g! 25!Lettucc ,10@15 Bermudas, bu .. 3.00 Pieplant, lb 1 Onions,doz 10@35jPnrsley 30 Dried peas,bu.. J.25 Cucumbers,doz... 10 Horse raaish, lb. 2@yiPeas, bu 1.25 Kudishes. doz... lOftilo Beans,bu 60 A. P. McCARRON, Painter, House PaintiuK, Gaining- and Falsomining'on short notice and i^'asouab.e rates. 37 South Sixth Street, Minneapolis. ARCADE. 6. W. SAWYEE, Proprietor. Imported and Domestic WINES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS 48 THIRD STREET SOUTH. M. J. LALLY. T. F. LAXLY LALLY BEOS. IMPORTERS, Wholesale and Retail Dealers in Sibley and Seventh FINE PHOTOGRAPHS CABINET PHOTOS* England C3 CD 5 $3.00 PER DOZEN. 5S» FINEST GALLERY IN IV' 3THWEST, OCEAN PASSAGE, $12. TO- America. This makes a rate of $34 through to St, Paul, all rail from New York, and any one wishing to send after family or friends should apply at once. Office open to 8 o'clock evenings. A. E. JOHNSON & Co, General Northwestern Agents, Corner Third and Sibley Streets, ST. PAUL, MINN. JDJ^TTSY 247 AND 249 TELEPHONE 446-1. Trunk 24 THE MEXICAN ARRIVED IN MINNEAPOLIS WEDNESDAY MORNING, FIFTY-SEVEN STRONG. OOlSTOEIRTEn In the Great Exposition Building by this World-Renowned Band, which can be heard no where else. Do not miss hearing them. It is the OPPORTUNITY" OF A LIFETIME and will probably never occur again, as the Mexican Gov ernment has decided not to grant leave of absence hereafter to military organi zations desiring to go beyond the national boundary. The Crowning Feature will be the Grand Illuminations! Of Nicollet and Washington avenues, two of the finest and broadest streels in the country. Nicollet avenue will be most magnificently illuminated with over 15,000 gas lets and colored globes, arranged in hundreds of beautiful arches, turning tne avenue into a fairy scene at night and making it grandly beautiful in daylight. Washington avenue will b8 most brilliantly-lighted by an immense number of electric lights, and both these avenues thronged with people, as they will be, will present a scene never to be forgotten. No city on earth has ever attempted a more elaborate illumination, and this will be but one of the many attractions the Queen of the Northwest will offer her guests. The Great Exposition Will be Opened Momla t/9 August 28, And every provision has been made for taking care of all who come. It will be the greatest event that has ever occurred in the Northwest, and you are spe cially invited to be present. REDUCED RATES ON EVERY RAILROAD. THOMAS GAYIN & SONS. VE31R, IT •JMKJI HJUI m&canft MIM mMm Boarding and Sale Stable. First-class Carriages and Coupes, for Parties, Operas and Funerals. FIRST AV. S,' MINNEAPOLIS, The Finest Line of Travelling and Shopping: Bags in the City. Sample "Woris: to 421 NICOLLET ATE., Minneapolis, —S. J. MCCARTHY, MILL AND MACHINE BLACKSMITH, MANUFACTURER OF Bridge Bolts, Truss Rods, Drilled Well Tools, WROUGHT IRON MATEIIIAL FOB BUILDINGS? Ail Kind a of Iron and Steel Forging, SIIEETDJOr CAi.'S ALWAYS OX HAND. NG. 506 and 608 Second Street South, MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. McCarthy & Courtney J. F. McCarthy,! —UE.HEP.3JN— Practical Well and Cistern Buiider. WELLS DUG, DROVE, BOKED and DRILLED. Artesian Wells A Specialty. Wholesale Dealer in Covrjag & Gleason PUMPS AND CYLINDERS. I jjST*PUMPS. AND IIIOX PIPES. TELEPHONE CALL. 63-3. Also, Rear 246 Second Ave. S. TELEPHONE 10-2. MINX. Established 1872 JOHN T. BAHNUM, TRUNK MANUFACTURER, DEALER IN Traveling Bags, Dog Collars, Etc- Repairing and Sample Work Specialties. 240 NICOLLET A. K, Minneapoll*~-Nicollet Mouse Block,, ELTJGJ-Xl BYR.ITH3S. Manufacturer INNEAPOLIS PROVISION COMPAN' Beef and Pork Packers and Genera! Provision Dealers. WHOLESALE AJSRD RETAIL. MarkeUmen,wholesale and retail grocers, hotel, famil and lumber eanip supplies and 26 South First Street, MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. NORTHWESTERN MARBLE WORKS EDWARD DONLIN,'—— Manufacturer and Dealer Marble^Granite Monuments, Gravestones, Cemetery Posts, Etc. First Avenue South, Bet. 3d and 4th Streets, Minneapolis. Order! J. P. Courtney im FKACT1CAL Plumber? Stewru and Gas Fit ter. sal FiraW Supplies, fates Mied 109 Central Ave., Minneapolis. On Application. Repairs Prompt!: Attended to.