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THURSDAY, NOV. 24, 1898. PRISON OFFICIALS. MANAGERB. JAS. S. O’BRIEN. President - - Stillwater EDWIN DUNN, - - -- -- - - Eyota B. F. NELSON ----- - Minneapolis F. W. TEMPLE, ----- Blue Earth City M. 0. HALL, - - -- -- - -_ Duluth REBIDENT OFFICIALS. HENRY WOLFER, - - - - - - Warden F. H. LEMON, ----- Deputy Warden GEO. BIXBY, - - - -- -- - Clerk B. J. MERRILL, ------- physician MISS MARY MCKINNEY, - - - - Matron J. H. ALBERT, - - - Protestant Chaplain CHARLES CORCORAN, - - Catholic Chaplain PRISON AGENT. F. A. WHITTIER - ----- St. Paul. CHURCH NOTICE. Services in the Prison Chapel at 9:00 o'clock every Sunday morning. Protestant and Catholic services every alternate Sunday. Rev. J. H. Albert and Rev. Fr. Corcoran chaplains. TO INMATES. For the information of new arrivals and all others desiring to send The Mirror to friends we wish to say that the privilege will be granted by complying with the following rules: Write out your own name, register ar. 1 cell number and send to this offit e with name and address of person to whom paper is to be sent. All papers must be kept clean and folded in the same manner as it is when you receive it and placed in your door every Friday night. All in mates are requested to .comply with this order whether sending out a copy or not. Was it a blizz? Gee whizz! It was a blizz. Great suffering among the turks Outrages of Christians and others on the poor turks. Hans Miller made a bluff at going to court one night this week—just to show that he was one of the boys. He came back with a box of soap. The legal luminary on The Mirror force went up to the district court Saturday afternoon to plead to an indictment of having maliciously fallen down stairs. Last week’s Mirror contained more than its usual allowance of typograph ical errors. One of the reasons for this is the fact that the editor was doing some “job-work,” so Nugget Joe was called in as a sub, and he and Han 6 Miller got out the paper. When the rush of job-work is over the former editor will resume editorial charge, until then we will have to rely on Nugget Joe, Hans Miller and the Christian Register. The meeting of the Pierian Circle last Sunday in the chapel was one of the most successful and enjoyable that have been held. The music was ex cellent and the papers read were among the best. The discussion was one of the most intesting that we have listened to at any time. A member of Class A was appointed critic pro tern, and of course, had to find some fault, that being what he is paid for, but his criticisms were mostly fictitious. On account of the negli gence of the secretary 1 am unable to print the program, but one of the papers will be published in our next. There is a small literary club in New York called the “Pen and Brush Club.” We have a pen and brush club here. They whitewash the pen with the brush and the guard carries the club. The Deputy Warden came out last Tuesday on a good roads platform—he was riding around on the snow plow. Sheriff Blexrud of Fillmore county and W. A. Erickson and E. B. Read of Preston, were visitors at the prison the past week. And the cat came back. —E. A. H. The services in Chapel Hall were again made doubly interesting. The inmates always appreciate an impres sive sermon and especially such as was delivered Sunday morning by Chaplain Corcoran. But seldom if ever before have we had the opportunity and pleasure of listening to good-cheer from a former fellow-unfortunate. George Bidwell, who thus paid his respects to us had been sentenced to life imprisonment in England together with three associates, and only shortly has he been pardoned; after having served fifteen years. Since his release has succeeded in effecting the release of his accomplices, and also regained the respect of the public. After the regular services Warden Wolfer with fitting eulogy introduced Mr. Bidwell. Mr. Bidwell in narrating of the pun ishment he had undergone, and of his present efforts and success, followed by advice and good cheer was listened to throughout with marked attention. He well set forth and exemplifies what honest effort may accomplish even after a prison record. PASSING EVENTS. BY HANS MILLER. There is going to be a marble shaft constructed in commemoration of the heroes of Santiago. By using Alger and the uncouth Shatter, the founda tion could be built. o o o The Pope has taken the ban off masonry. Now if he could only take the ban of convict off prisoners, he could increase his popularity a few points. o o o A negro woman in St. Louis is grad ually becoming as white as a snowball. That’s nothing. We entered a court room with a character almost trans parent, and when we came out it was as black as print on a newspaper, o o o Seats on the Stock Exchange in New York are quoted at $27,500. If seats in Heaven are as expensive as this, we shall certainly stop at the other place, o o o The Rev. Dr. Talmage says that “there are artists who are trying to paint who ought to be whitewashing fences.” Perhaps the reverend gentle man doesn’t know that the job of whitewashing “fences” belongs abso lutely to the police. • o o o A milk trust has just been organized with a capital of $2,000,000. If these grasping plutocrats get a corner on strawberries, we are willing to stay here the rest of our natural life and live on nothing but soup and hash, o o o Butter is now being made from pea nuts. Well, they can make butter out of rattlesnakes if they wish, for we pass when it comes to butter. o o o “This,” said the spider to the bedbug, “is what you call a tough place.” “Indeed it is,” said the bedbug as he bit into the rubber neck of the sleeper, o o g Divine healers and new Messiahs were never known to be as scarce as they are just at present. This is a strong indication that the world is improving. GOO A farmer down in Kansas raised nothing but pumpkins on his farm last year. lie was figuring on the Populists being elected and selling them to the state institutions, 000 In New York a detective just died who had heart no bigger than a peanut. It required two hours in locating it. o o o Although a great many anti-prohi bitionists have the habit of putting spirits down, we here are trying to keep them up. 000 We have a gentleman here who is as absent-minded as the proverbial professor. When he gets up in the morning he has to look at his plate on his door before he knows what his right name is. 000 Next summer fashionable men will wear their hats all the time. This will enable them to talk through it more than heretofore. 000 There is a rumor to the effect that the chief cook in the officers’ kitchen used to be connected with the culinary department at the White House in Washington. We always knew that he possessed exceptional talent and ranked among the highest in his call ing. 000 A short time ago a very pious indi vidual approached us and wished to know why it was that we never write anything of a religious nature, and wished to know if we were a Christian. The reason more space is not devoted to this subject, is because we do not wish to be inconsistent. To further illustrate why we object to publishing anything pertaining to religion, we will publish a dream which we had a short Lime ago. It is as follows: “There was a couple of revival meet ings held here of such an impressive nature that almost the entire popula tion were converted. This caused quite a stir, but it was nothing compared to the feeling aroused later on when the board of pardons met and came to decide upon the usual quota of appli cations. The country press cautioned the board and denounced our conver sion as false, hypocritical and nothing but a prearranged plot whereby we were trying to defeat the ends of justice. This, of course, caused the board of pardons to imagine that our motive was a selfish one, and expressed the belief that, in their profound judg ment, it would be dangerous to cater to an established cons piracy, organized for the sole purpose to awaken re ligious sentiment in onr behalf.” We have nothing but respect for those who are followers of the faith, and who may be as deeply imbued with religion as was Phillip ii. of Spain, but still it sounds very incon sistent to proclaim it broadcast under present conditions. 000 Last Friday evening we were told by one of the orderlies of the cell house to put on our coat and cap and go to court. We hastened to do so, and while going through the twine shop, out on the back street, then on up the street and through the shoe shop, our mind was kept busy trying to recollect what infringement we coi\ld possibly have made on the rules. We were so deeply occupied that we failed to admire the beautiful scenery on the way.. Although we stopped for about five minutes in the shoe shop, we couldn’t swear as to whether the ma chinery was stopped or running. When we arrive in the corridor, opposite the courtroom, we almost wilted when we were handed a box of soap and told to step lively. As we stepped out we thought we saw someone’s eye twinkle with mirth at our dis appointment. The exercise was delightful and invigorating (?), and the sensations were all that one could desire. 000 Shavem Pete—the one with a glit ter in his eye, which denotes intelli gence-had an experience with a new member of the “Migrating Annual Colony,” which proves that Pete has intelligence of a high order. The new arrival in question is one of that specie known as lantern-jaw; in fact a very marked case, having a hollow in his cheek large enough to hide walnuts in. After being bathed and dressed, the new arrival was led to Shavem Pete’s chair, where No. 0006’s flowing locks were soon clipped. Pete quickly ap plied lather to his face and started to shave him, but here Pete encountered a problem—how to get the hair out of those trenches in his cheek. Pete's bevel gear worked rapidly, and seizing him by the jaw he jerked open his mouth and, inserting his thumb, he pushed out the cheek and proceeded to shave him in a graceful manner. Passing to the other side of his face, Pete with confidence born of experi ence, proceeded to use his master stroke—from ear to chin. Pete’s razor started from the ear O. K., but it never reached the chin. With a dash it en tered No. 0006’s cheek, cutting all the way through to Pete’s thumb. Hold ing his injured thumb aloft, Pete for got the rule of silence and blurted out: “There you blankety, blanked, lantern jawed fool, you made me cut my thumb!” 000 Friend Hans:—ld vas sum dime dot I dake mein ben und vrite how she vas py mein blace. Shust at bresent ebery dings vas goot, und dot raformadory blan she goes along mitoudt droubles. vear or dear. Dot oder veek vhat vas goon py, pringsein grosse drouble mit me, und von dime I dink dot I vas pughouse. Yell, dot veek vhat I spheak apoudt, I vas embloyed mit von eye on dot electshuu, und dot oder von vas vatching ein brief vhat vas coom ing from dere faderland. Dhere elect shun she cooms around de vay 1 dinks she vould, und dot letter—veil, I dink she goes tow f n py dhere supmarine bostoffice. Say Hans, shust dell me two cupple dimes qvick already, vhen “Beet dere Boat” cooms py dis blace, und vedder he vas unter dere raforma dory blan? Dutchy. We haven’t the least idea when Pete the Poet arrived here, but we think it was shortly after the Indians were driven off the place. He is not under the reformatory plan. 000 There is a man located above our mansion who is either doing penance or is trying to make a century run, via a pair of heavy brogans. Just as soon as our pension money becomes due we shall make him a present of a pair of felt slippers. 000 A woman county attorney has just been elected at Westbranch, Mich. If she is pretty and knows how to shed tears, there will be no acquittals while she is prosecuting attorney. 000 Cuban duties have just been reduced about sixty per cent. Since we ceased to be a citizen our duties have de creased just one hundred per cent. 000 The editor has been feeling lately as though someone administered to him a dose of laughing gas. He just heard that the razor was going to be abol ished. A man would be a great deal better off if he was particular about the whiskey he drinks as he is about the water. —Orange (Va.) Observer. A medical journal says that there are from 160,000 to 200,000 hairs in a womans head. The number of hairs in a man’s head depends much upon the length of time he has been married. —Water- ville Gazette. Many a man prays loud enough in a cyclone to be heard in the upper garret of heaven who can’t pray above a whisper when the sun is shining. —Orange (Va.) Ob server. As a rule, the man who doesn't like a pun objects to it on the ground that “we condemn what we do not comprehend.” —L. A. AY. Bulletin. A saloon in Buffalo is paved with S2O gold pieces. The patrons do not get much of the gold, how ever, until they get to one of Keely’s institutes! —St. Louis Humorist. Every boarding house should be equipped with the x-ray to be used as an egg tester. It is also thought that through the assist ance of the x-ray hash will no longer be such a mystery as it has been in the past.—St. Louis Hu morist. The first case on record in which strong butter has been introduced as evidence in a divorce suit comes from New York. The plaintiff in the case testified that her husband “buttered her like a goat.” Denver Post. Who can say that the bible is not true when he reads: “A feast is made for laughter, a wine maketh merry, but money answereth all things.” —Martin County Sentinel. Mankind is aided most by he who does a kind turn for the living. The idea of aiding the dead, or attempting it, is wrong. A kind word, a loaf of bread, a day at labor for the living surpasses a brass band and flowers at a funeral.—Le Sueur News. First dowager would give Li Hung Chang a good office, next she was going to marry him ?md now she has exiled him. The sex is as variable in China as else where. —St. Paul Dispatch. The “cup that cheers” isn't al ways cheerful to contemplate— especially back of the grates.— Windom Reporter. The Prison Mirror is the only paper we have received that lias printed no election returns. — North field Independent. “Destiny is duty " president McKinley says. Then let him kick out Alger and he can proudly say: “I done my destiny.” — Albert Lea Standard. Some girls will dance all night with corns on their feet and say, it’s just too lovely, but will groan like a sore headed bear, if their mother asks them to wash the dishes.—St. Louis Humorist. We do not dare in these times to say outright that any electrical invention is an absurdity in ad vance of a test; but the most we can say now of Tesla's proposal to transmit electrical power in enor mous quantities over great dis tances is that it is very much “in the air.” Indeed, a balloon is part of the aparatus.—The Criterion. The New York World feels bad because a new tobacco, trust is formed in the Sky Scraper city. It ought to be very easy matter for the World's office force to smoke it out.— Glencoe Enterprise. A young lady of Oklahoma named Friday has had an arm broken three times, had her teeth kicked out by a broncho, lost her gold watch at the county fair, and now thinks she has appendicitis. She should get some nice young man to relieve her of that unlucky name.—Denver Post. A Sioux Indian in returning a borrowed kettle, always leaves in the bottom some of the food cooked in it. In civilized communities a person is lucky to get his kettle back. —St. Louis Humorist. A somewhat weather-beaten tramp, being asked what was the matter with his coat, replied, “In somnia: it hasn’t had a nap in ten years.” Oliver Wendell Holmes used to be an amateur photographer. When he presented a picture to a friend, he wrote on the back of it, “Taken by O. W. Holmes & Sun.” “Do you think I’m a simpleton, sir?” thundered a fiery Scotcn laird to his new footman. “Ye see, sir,” replied the canny Scot, “I'm no’ lang here, an’ I dinna ken yet.” “I’ve called to tell you, sir, that the photographs you took of us the other day are not at all satis factory. Why, my husband looks like an ape.” “Well, madam, what fault did you find with the pho tograph?” —Harper’s Weekly. Lady: “And what does your father do?” Little girl: “Oh papa is a doctor.” Lady: “Indeed! I suppose he practises a great deal, does he not?” Little girl: “Oh, no. He doen’t practise any more. He knows how now\” The following is a remark of Sydney Smith, made on hearing a little girl read who persisted in, reading “partridges” for “patri archs.” Said the great wit, “She is determined on making game of the patriarchs.” A prominent writer declares this to be the most perfect pun he had ever heard. In the weekly calendar pub lished by a colored church in North Carolina appears a recom mendation of the periodical litera ture of the denomination, from which we quote the following;. “The Ma'yflower is a grand little nugget in a nutshell, and sweeps, the field as it goes.” The meaning is plain, but the exact concatena tion seems Hibernian—lndepend ent. “That old pagan precept, ’know* thyself,” said the shoe clerk boarder, “is not half bad, as a bit of advice.” “Especially fora fat man,” said the cheerful idiot. “And w*hy for a fat man, any more than a thin?” “It gives him a wide acquaint ance.” —Indianapolis Journal. The Colonel —That reincarna tion theory is a mighty curious idea. The Major—Very! If I be lieved in it, Colonel, I’d like t©> put away some good whisky some place where I could get it the next time I’d come back to earth. “Timmins is going to give Ms wife 50 cent every time she hears him utter an oath.” “Yes: she is stone deaf.” “Octavia has a great deal of beautiful heirloom jewelry.” “Yes; her father w*as a pawn- broker.” “I went down on my knees to Miss Jinks when I proposed to her.” “How did she take it?” “She asked me not to move until she got her kodak.” Active solicitors wanted every where for “t he Story of the Philippines” by Murat Halstead, commissioned by the Government as Official Historian to the War Department, the book was written in army camps at San Francisco, on the Pacific with General Merritt, in the hospitals at Honolulu,, in Hong Kong, in the American trendies at Manila, in the insurgent camps with Aguinaldo,. on the deck of the Olympia with Dewey, and la the roar of battle at the fall of Manila. Bonan ta for agents. Brimful of original pictuies zaken by government photographers on the spot. Large book. Low prices. Big protfis. Freight paid. Credit given. Drop all trash unofficial war books. Outfit free. Address, F. T. Barber, Sec’y., Star Insurance Bldg., Chicago.