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Vol. XIV.—No. 14, FALL OF “HEATHENDOM a Burlesque • of the THE DYNASTY OF TUAN LI CHANG AND Past. HOT SHU, THE EMPRESS OF CHINA. Written for The Prison Mirror. when they beheld the terrible banner of China unfurled over them like a canopy of fire. At a signal from Kin Ya a sudden hash came from each dragon and a thick mist, as of a cloud of silver, hid all the dragons from the sight of those on the earth. And suddenly a great ball of black came down from the cloud towards the allied armies, and as it struck the earth it burst and a mighty cloud of smoke of a greenish color spread over the ground, and every man and living thing that breathed the smoke straightway fell down, and expired in terrible agony. And when the allied chiefs beheld this fearful sight they threw away their booms and swords and red tape and got a hot foot on them to gain the borders of China and their great steel ships of war that were waiting to carry off the gold and silver. But it was too late, Kin Ya knew they would “burn the wind” when he started to smoke with them, and so he caused the great dragons to spread out in a mighty circle and drop smoke balls upon the fleeing heathen. And it is recorded that in one hour there was not one living creature alive in or around those fair cities where those boasting armies had pitched their camps. And Kin Ya seeing it was good, gave the command and the dragons swept off towards the harbors of China wherein the heathen had sent their ships of war. And as they drew nigh, Kin Ya sent one dragon ahead to give warning to all the ships of China and their crews to leave the harbors and go out to sea, or else die with the heathen. And as the dragon came and poised over the harbor, great wonder was felt by the heathen allies. And when a great black shield, with Chinese letters of lire appearing upon it, was held over the city and harbor, there was a panic among the children of the Son who lied from the ships of the heathen and from their camps, for, although they did not know of the mighty dragons, yet they had faith in the Son of Sons, and when he said flee, they tied. And as the other dragons arrived the great ships of war turned their long guns up in the air and fired at the strange looking dragons that moved like great eagles through the air and made such strange noises. But soon a mist hid them from the sight of the heathen allies and their warships’ guns, and then like a mighty drop of ink a black globe came down from the mist that covered the harbor and city. And as it burst upon striking the earth, the greenish smoke spread death to all who breathed it, and as they beheld men and animals falling down, the heathen fled to their boats and great ships and the great whistles blew and the bells rang, and the bands of the heathen played a quick step they called “Honey get a move on you.” And some were in such haste that many were drowned in their hurry to escape from the smoke of death. And after all on the land were killed, Kin Ya signaled his fleet of dragons to spread out over the harbor where the great warships were anchored and to cast the great fire ball upon the waters. And they did as commanded. And at the signal a thousand fire balls fell from the silver mist upon the sea, and as each ball struck the water it burst into a blue flame of fire that spread out until the entire sea ap peared as a sea of fire that sent a flame over a hundred feet in the air from the face of the waters. And the heathen went into their ships like beasts into their dens. And the heat grew greater and fiercer until the iron and steel sides became red, and the great guns burst, and their shells and magazines blew up and scattered the mighty ships upon the floor of the sea. And for three hours the flames burned upon the sea for a distance of ten miles from the harbor. And when the fire and smoke passed away there was not a ship or vessel upon the face of the sea, and all living creatures were consumed by the terrible fire. And Kin Ya gave the signal to re turn to the inner city where he should report to the mighty Hot Shu that her commands were obeyed and that the powers were no more. When Kin Ya arrived the mighty Hot Shu who had journeyed on a “bickle” to the great observatory to meet him, demanded if he had done as commanded; and he replied: “O mighty Moon of Moons, I came upon the hosts of the gold worshipers as they were in their tents kissing their gold and silver gods, and I smoked them off the earth. I came upon their ships and only one escaped the balls of fire, and that one only escaped because the great Earl Li told me that if the great Yankee ship, Ore gon, passed the circle of fire to ‘Let her go Galligher,’ for she was a daisy and would carry the news around the world to the heathen of how we de stroyed the mighty armies and fleets of the allies.” And the great Hot Shu smiled and said: “Kin Ya, I’ll make you a Ken tucky colonel knight from the next moon. So retire and await my further commands.” Now it came to pass that as the great Yankee ship, the Oregon, swept through the seas, that she signaled and wigwagged every vessel she met and warned them to keep away from China, telling them qf the terrible destruction of the armies and warships of the allied powers. And every ship she met turned and steamed at its highest speed for its own country, as they well knew that if the great Oregon was afraid, they wouldn’t be in it. And it was soon known throughout the world that China had at last arisen from her sleep of centuries to defend herself and to bring vengeance upon the greedy and selfish nations. And when men heard of the terrible power that had suddenly came upon their great armies and ships and destroyed them, they were sore afraid lest the terrible smoke and fire come upon them in their cities and destroy them. And when they heard more fully of the great destruction in China, the people of all the nations in Europe rose in rebellion against their kings, emperors and rulers and they slew many great men with them, because of their greed after gold and in bringing on them this terrible war. And the people sent advocates to the Chinese embassadors who were in their great cities, to save them from the terrible dragons of China. But the embassadors knew nothing of the aw- “IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND.” STILLWATER, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1900. ' > ful dragons; but promised to intercede with the great Hot Shu. Now the great Moon of Moons, the empress Hot Shu, heard from her en voys at the courts of the different nations that a great fear was upon all the heathen, and that the sea was cov ered with ships that were bringing the gold worshipers from .Egypt, Africa, India, Persia, Turkey and all the other tribes that were dear to the Son of Sons. And she sent for Kin Ya and com manded him to take a thousand air dragons and to burn and destroy all ships upon the sea that came within five hundred miles of the sea coast of China. And many heathen were destroyed so that when those who reached their different countries told of the terrible destruction, men went mad with fear, all labor stopped, great mobs marched through the beautiful cities of the heathen, and they blew up .and burnt the great temples and palaces of their gold worshipers, whose hypocrisv and greed had brought this war of death upon them. And when the great Hot Shu re ceived word that the heathen were gathered together in their cities and that fear was upon them, she smiled and commanded Kin Ya to prepare all the great air dragons that were in the inner city of China, and to take a good supply of smoke and fire balls and to start for an island, named England, and to destroy every living person upon that land and on its rivers and waters, because for over a thousand years the greed of this one tribe had caused more tears and blood to be shed among mankind than all the others combined. And Kin Ya bowed before the mighty Moon of Moons, and having prepared his mighty fleet of air dra gons, departed for England. And it is recorded in the scroll of Kin Ya that never since the great flood, when all but China was drowned, did any one witness such fearful destruction as was sent upon the English for their greed and love of blood. And even to this day there is none who dare claim they are of this race whom the mighty Hot Shu caused to be destroyed in 1910. Now when Kin Ya returned and told what he had done, the mighty Hot Shu made him a knight of the moon, which was a rare favor in those days. And after he had departed the mighty Hot Shu sent for Earl Li that she might consult with him as to which nation she would next destroy. Jan O’Rurick [To be continued in next issue.] An Unbeliever, They say the world Is growing worse, I don’t believe it, though; They say men worship but the purse, I don’t believe it, though; They say that greatness is no more, That all the wise have gore before And only trouble is in store— I don’t believe it, though. They say there are no saints today, I don’t believe it, though; They say,;we tread a downward way, I don’t believe it, though; They say there’s only gloom ahead, They say that all the knights are dead, They say men's sweetest joys are fled— I don’t believe it, though. Men had their troubles long ago, And that’s what I believe; The Lord still loves us here below, And that’s what I believe; Old Homer, of the sightless eyes, And Caesar lie ’neath other skies, But greater men than they will rise, And that’s what I believe. The world grows fairer day by day, And that’s what I believe; The good have not all passed away, And that’s what I believe; Though many a one we loved Is gone, Fond hearts and true are beating on! The happiest days are still to dawn, And that’s what I believe! Written for The Prison Mirror. Hon. Oleson takes the Stump. Wayback, N. D., Oct. 21.—Hon. Ola Oleson opened his campaign at the opera house here last night. Mr. Oleson, who is an independent candi date for the legislature, is a brilliant speaker. His forceful but polished de livery as well as logical reasoning, will probably win for him the place he so earnestly desires. He spoke as follows: “Mr. Chairman, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I can say without being ac cused with exaggeration that the eye of the nation is riveted on Wayback during this campaign. And well it may. The result of this struggle here will show if the money poured in here by Hanna and Jones can triumph over common and patriotic spirits. If it can, then American politics has degenerated un til we are beyond redemption. “What has the law making bodies of this and other states been doing in the past? We know they met often enough and they passed laws and reso lutions enough to last for 37 genera tions to come. Let not, however, our iniquities be visited upon our poster ity for so many generations. Who understands our laws? Nobody ex cept the supreme court, aud even the supreme court stands three to two every time it hands down a decision. It is fortunate that the number of judges are uneven or we should have a perpetual deadlock in our higher courts. We have laws for everything; laws for fencing the farm, for digging a ditch. If my chickens or turkeys happen to feel indisposed, 1 must forthwith squander half my fortune in disinfectants for the chicken coop. “Last fall my wife made arrange ments to entertain some of our friends in memory of 25 years of happy and blissful married life. But picture our surprise; we received an official note from certain authorities stating that it was against law and order to carry out our plans, as it was reported that my hogs had' shown unmistakable signs of being afflicted with the dread ful contagion called ‘choleranus mor bus pignus.’ When my wife read the awful charge, she fainted and had spells for a week when a rag peddler chanced to come along who explained it was the old Roman name for hog cholera. It was a relief to know that even the old Romans had had their troubles. I protested; I obtained a certificate of health for my entire family. I also produced a clean bill of health dated Bergen, Norway, May 8, 1865. That paper set forth that I was known by the authorities and to be a man of good morals, that I was not a fugitive from justice, that my political views were conservative and, that I took nothing dangerous with me to my new home, nothing more danger ous than the ordinary ration of Lude fisk K. K. K. herring and several reams of sheepskin bread. With a passport like this I could have traveled in peace through America. Yes, I could have gone through a camp of Boxers with impunity and safety, but it availed naught in this case. The authorities cited court decisions ad infinitum. They sent me a copy of some 1,300 sylla buses covering every aspect of the case and embracing a period of 5,839 years, from the time old man Noah stepped out of the ark till Mayor Gen eral Coxey reached Washington with his army. “I had to give up in the face of such overwhelming proofs. However, it did not end my trouble. I wrote a letter to my son who was attending a busi ness college at Crosscut Junction, Minn. I came very near being arrest ed for spreading or trying to spread contagion among hogs through the U. S. Mail. I consulted an attorney who shook his head for thirty seconds, looked wise for thirty more and said —S. E. Kiser. TEB “ 8: ) suKffioS^" 0 * he would pull me through O K as he had a political pull, but it would re quire about 100 dollars. He got the money and two weeks later I was O K. Here the other day my wife asks me if that attorney had been sick yet. I guessed not. Then she says: ‘Some hogs are immune.’ “I presume you want my advice in regard to politics. I will say but little on that score, however, as it is mostly all humbug. For instance, there is the controversy between the Silver men and the Gold men. Hanna says it would be dishonest to pay our debts with those 50-cent free silver dollars. Jones on the other hand says it would be equally dishonest to pay those debts with 200-cent gold standard dollars. I believe both these gentlemen are right and we should avoid taking any risks. ‘Honesty is the best policy’ and as we can’t pay our debts with honesty, let us then do the only honest thing—not pay them at all. [Applause] I think this makes my position on the money question clear to you all. It is not important to study such things. I think it is even dangerous. “The trusts are not a fit subject to inject into politics; we can’t stamp out trusts by legislation. The more we legislate, the more trusts we will have. I think the day is not far off when medical science will have advanced to a degree where it will be able to take care of that pest. You read the pa pers and note what a multitude of evils some medicines will cure. Why it is only play to drive off hydrophobia, yellow fever and smallpox, not to speak about dozens of lesser animals. Why then should it be impossible to counteract the effect of trusts by prop er inoculation and vaccination ? “Last fall I had the la grippe, and being informed that there was a man who offered S2OO for a case of grippe he could not cure, I bought some of his medicines. The sickness went with the first dose I took and it was a wonder I did not go, too. I will stand half the damages if that man offers SSOO for a case of trust that can’t be cured by one bottle of that medicine and fails. “In conclusion I want to thank you for your attention. Look at the way they treat public speakers out in Colorado. You have heard of Teddy’s troubles. They pitched rocks and poe try at Teddy out there and committed other acts of violence. I can under stand how people in the heat of a political campaign will pick up a stone, throw it and shout; but how a man or a woman can deliberately sit down during the calm, peaceful hours of a Colorado night and write poetry to have it hurled against a fellow being, is beyond human comprehension. It was a vile act, a premeditated crime, a calumnious defiance of the dignity of the state and should be severely dealt with.” [Applause] A. L. During the Paris exposition of 1867' a Japanese embassy went to Paris to treat for three free ports in France, in return for which France was to have three in Japan. The negotiations proved short and amiable. “Make your choice,” said Japan, “we will chose afterward.” The minister of foreign affairs selected Yokohama, Yeddo and Hangyang. The embassy made no ob jections; they simply smiled and went on their way. Some time afterward Japan sent word that the three ports mentioned were agreed to and in re turn Japan desired Havre, Marseilles and Southampton. This last named gave the French fits. They never laughed so much before and certainly since. Southampton a French port! No, it was too good. Gently, but un mistakably, they explained the situa tion. “Why, Southampton is in Eng land,” they replied. “We know that,” came the cool response, “but then Hangyang is in Korea.” Whereupon the French officials collapsed.—Denver Post.