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= BUD’S NEW GUIDE. 7 r Written for The Prison Mirror “Now see here, Bud, we have ; got to make different arrange • ments. If we should get down on one of the principal streets and you stopped to ask questions and look at things like you did yester day, we would both of us get run in. So I have hit upon a good scheme, and it is O K, too, if you just attend to business.” “Say, Bill, didn’t you say we was going out to see the town?” “Why sure I did and we would Lave seen a great deal more of it yesterday if you hadn’t stopped on the street so much and acted so green.” “Now see here, Bill, you kin talk all you want to, but how in ihe dickens kin a feller see the town if he don’t look at things?” “Now, Bud, I have got a kid here who will take you and show you all over the town, and he will bring you back here tonight. You see I am going to stay here and—” “Well say, Bill, I am goin’ to see the big show; now you kin do as you please.” “You see it is like this, Bud. I am dead broke and you had bet ter let me have a dollar so they won’t run me out until you get back. See?” “Sorter reckon I hain’t got many, but as we are bummin’ to gether I’m goin’ to do the square business by you, Bill.” “That is the stuff, Bud. I hope you won’t get too far away so as not to get back, because this dol lar won’t last very long.” “Come on, kid. Say what is your name, any way?” “Mickey.” “Do you live any where around Lere?” “Naw.” “How old are you? and are you sure you are acquainted well enough so as not to get lost?” “Say, cully, I’m thirteen years old. See? Hain’t got no fadder • FUN, FICTION abJ storyettes FARCICAL FACTS. v J> Little Isaac, whose grandfather began life as an errand boy and finished as a millionaire, was paid by his mother a penny a dozen for pins picked up from the carpet, to keep the baby from getting them. ■“Nurse,” said little Isaac, as his stock of pennies increased, “do you know what I am going to do when I have six-pence?” “No,” answered the nurse. “I am going to buy a paper of pins and scatter them all over the floor, and then pick them up,” replied the young financier, who was barely 6 years old.—Spare Moments. A certain distinguished officer on the Northwest frontier, of India, having apparently read of the employment of dogs in the German army, collected a bobbery pack which made the nights hideous with their barking. To him enters one morning the briga- dier-general, who inquires as to the meaning of this new departure. “There have been thieves about, of late,” was the reply, “and these dogs are very useful. No one can come near my tent now at night without their giving an alarm.” The general was equal to the oc casion: “Ah! well, mon, if you just get half a dozen parrots and teach them to cry out ‘halt! who • goes there?’ you will be com pletely equippit.”—Ex. Seldom has there been a man more fertile in suggestions than nor mudder, but I’m well onto de roaps. I’m a member of de push w’at be over in Flannigan’s alley. Say, cully, give me a chaw, will yer? I left mine in me udder britches. See?” “Gee whizz! kid, ain’t you pret ty young to be chewing?” “Naw. Yer see I have chawed fer years. All de guyes dat be longs to der push ushes de weed.” “Say, kid, what kind do you like best?” “Well I ain’t particular. W’en I hain’t got none I just shoot a snipe. See?” “What! They don’t be no snipes in the town, be there? I used to shoot some when I was down on Hank’s farm.” “Gee! but you are a brick. Say cully, w’en did yer spring dat rag shop?” “Here you kid, take this ten cents and get you some chewin’ and we will go out and see how things be moving this morning.” “Gee but you are a dead easy guy. Say I just been looking fer you all de time. I’m going to take yer over and get yer inter duced to de guyes in de Big Snipe push. Gee, but dey will be glad to see you. Say cully, jus’ step right dis way and I will interduce you to de great city and to all de gangs dat is any good.” “Say, kid, I reckon you kin tell a feller all about the things we see, can’t you?” “Dat’s w’at’s de matter, cully. I hain’t been living in de great city all dese years for notting. See?” “You are shure you can find the way back to this hotel?” “Say I have been here more dan a t’ousand times. Say, cully, jus’ give me a match till I light dis here snipe. I hain’t had a smoke dis morning.” “Well if you don’t beat all the kids I ever did see. Sorter reck on you are a pretty tough case.” Mr. Moody, but it was always his desire to find out the ideas of other men. On one occasion, at a meeting of a board of Sunday school managers, one of the mem bers made a very novel proposal. Turning quickly to a very suc cessful superintendent who hap pened to be present, Mr. Moody asked: “What do you think about that?” “I think it a most excellent idea, Mr. Moody, and I may say that we have been aiming to do that very thing for two years,” replied the superintendent. “Is that so?” said Mr. Moody. “Then don’t you think it is about time you fired?”—Advance. A visitor in Paris was seated at a table in one of the high-priced restaurants in the exhibition grounds thinking of various things as he read over the bill of fare and observed the prices: “By thunder!” he exclaimed to the waiter, “haven’t you any con science at all in this place?” “Beg pardon,” replied the haugh ty servitor. “Haven’t you any conscience— conscience—conscience ? Don’t you understand?” The waiter picked up the bill of fare and began looking it over. “I don’t know if we have or not. If we have it’s on the bill; if we ain’t you’ve got to pay extra for it. Them’s the rules, sir.”—Ex. A joke was once perpetrated in the Supreme court when Thomas Wilson was arguing a case of some importance. He was dwelling upon propositions that were known to and accepted by every law student in the country, when he was interrupted by the late Just ice Miller, saying: “Cannot the counsel safely as sume that this court understands the rudiments of law?” “I made that mistake in the lower court,” retorted Mr. Wilson, “or this case would not have been here on appeal.”—Chicago Rec ord. A certain Glasgow lawyer was fond of setting traps for workmen who might happen to be working in or about his house by leaving money or some valuable article about. A workman, well aware of this fact, found a half crown lying on the floor of one of the rooms. He smiled as he said to himself, “I know what that’s for,” and, taking a brace and bit from his bag, he drilled a hole in the coin and, putting a large screw nail through it, he fastened it securely to the floor. The lawyer has not set any traps since.—London Tele graph. A Western writer thinks one of the severest tests ever put upon his risibles was endured at a Lon don dinner table. He was seated next to a lovely, rosy-cheeked, gay-eyed English girl, who displayed a most absorb ing and flattering interest in his native land. She appeared to have imbibed some extraordinary ideas about the perils to be encountered in the newly-settled regions of the United States, and tried not to look incredulous when she was assured that things were really not as bad as she imagined. “I’m sure it’s pleasant to be told there are not rattlesnakes in all the gardens,” she said, with a pretty smile, “but my cousin wrote not long ago that he had seen over forty wigwams in one little village. Perhaps,” she added, as her com panion made no immediate reply, “the wigwams are not as venomous as rattlesnakes, are they?”—St. Louis Republic. Roxy. Conjurer (pointing to a large cabinet) —“Now, ladies and gentle men, allow me exhibit my con cluding trick. I would ask any lady in the company to step on the stage and stand in this cup board. I will then close the door. When I open it again the lady will have vanished without leaving a trace behind.” Gentleman in front seat (aside, to his wife) —“I say, old woman, do me a favor and step up.”—Tid- Bits. Now, the train was thundering on with its load of human freight toward the abyss with great rapidity. “Alas!” cried Gladys, “I have no red skirt to wave.” For it was she who stood beside the track. It suddenly occurred to her that the engineer was a woman. Taking off her brand-new hat, she waved that. Of course the train was halted. To inspect the hat? The idea.— Indianapolis Press. “Mother,” said the little 5-year old boy in a plaintive voice, “why don’t I have a papa like other boys?” “You have one, Tonto,” she re plied. “But I never see him. Where is he?” “Your father left home four years ago, darling. We had a little racket about the bean soup, and he got mad and left.” J. R. KOLLINER DEALER IN Our assortment of clothing contains some of the finest specimens in this line that is to be found west of Chi cago. It will pay you to call and examine our prices and styles in «* FASHIONABLE ** CUT SUITS Hen’s and boys’ Gaps at clearing sale prices. Men’s black and brown stiff Hats; a guaranteed $3 Hat, at only $1.95. Guard’s Uniforms a Specialty. d. R. KOLLINER STAPLES BLOCK, STILLWATER, MINN. MINNESOTA MERCANTILE COMPANY. © vo zev&. THE ONLY EXCLUSIVE JOBBING HOUSE Sfc IN THE CITY. (v9 QJj We compete successfully with any house tributary to this territory. Our shipping facilities being superior to those of any other house in the NORTHWEST, our customers can depend on having all orders entrusted to us filled with PROMPTNESS & DISPATCH. LUMBERMEN’S SUPPLIES A SPECIALTY. Corner Chestnut Water Sts.. “Will he never come back again mamma?” “I hope so, darling. Yes, I hope heaven will bring him back to us. There is the bell. Suppose it should —” It was. “Well, I said the soup was burned,” remarked the returned wanderer, as he loafed in and looked at the mother. “And I said it wasn’t,” she re plied. “What, do you still defy me?” “The soup was all right, and I’ll stick to it.” “Then farewell, obstinate wom an. I go to put. in another four years in Europe.” “Papa,” whimpered the kid. “Henry,” called the wife. But he had turned the corner and was out of sight, and the bean soup question was settled for another forty-eight months.— Washington Post. A divorced man and woman who had not seen each other since the court separated them seven years ago, met in Denver the other day and sat down, as veteran sol diers do, and spent a pleasant afternoon fighting their battles over again.—Denver Post. Glothirxg ar\d Qents Furnishings Men’s, boys’ and children’s Suits and Overcoats at spe cial low prices. Stillwater, Minn. —: AGENTS WANTED: — Every agent realizes the import ance of a handsomely bound, finely illustrated, and extremely popular book at the price of one dollar. Forty thousand copies of “The Conquest of Poverty” sold in the paper binding within three months of coming out. Then there came a constant demand for the volume bound in cloth, so we bound it and illustrated it with scenes from our beautiful home surroundings. Send 60 cents for a sample copy of the book, cloth bound, and instruc tions “How to Work A County Successfully.” Do You Want Real Enjoyment Then send five cents for a sample copy of the “Humorist,” in St. Louis, Mo. You will become a subscriber if you read one. Ad dress: “Humorist,” St. Louis, Mo., enclosing five cents. Subscribe for THE PRISON MIRROR. Mrs. Helen Wilmans. Sea Breeze, Florida.