Newspaper Page Text
the JOYS OF PRINTERS.
HEN an author dis- covers a malignant er- VV ror in his work he in- stantly lays the blame on his publisher; the lat ter shifts his eyes until they rest on the proof reader, and 2ie> in turn, looks at the door lead ing to the composing room. After the editor has run out of adjectives and hot air, he is willing to listen to any explanations which the printer might offer. If he is wise he will avoid offering any of those hacknied excuses, such as being in a hurry, interrupted by other pressing work, not feeling well, etc. Your wise printer knows better than that. He points to the copy hook and dramatically exclaims: “There, sir, is my apol ogy!” Err&rs are bound to appear in print. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred these errors can be at tributed to hastily written manu script. The spectacle these errors present would be laughable if they were not so tragical. * The trans position or omission of a single letter often changes the meankig of a whole sentence. While it is a self-evident fact that many glaring errors which appear in print are due to the sportive mood of some printer, many of them are wholly uninten tional, notwithstanding the scru pulous care of editors and proof readers to eliminate them. The .following are a collection of errors 'which demonstrate how easily printers can change the meaning •of a sentence by dropping a single letter, or mistaking the meaning of a word on account of bad writing. We claim no originality in their production, but offer them just as they are: Some years ago an eastern editor undertook to compliment an' emi nent citizen as “a noble old burgh er, proudly loving his native state;” but the neatly turned compliment came from the compositor’s hands “a nobby old burglar, prowling round in a naked state.” It is needless to say that the fun-loving -compositor lost no time in getting through the back door on the editor’s appearance in the compos ing room. Perhaps the most fearful error of the press that ever occurred was caused by the letter “c” drop ping out of the following passage daa a “form” of the Book of Com mon Prayer: “We shall all be changed in the twinkling of an •eye.” When the book appeared, the passage, to the horror of the devout reader, was thus printed: “We shall all be hanged in the twinkling of an eye.” In writing up an alleged swell society function the reporter re ferred to one of the ladies, with whom he was personally acquaint ed, by saying: “Her cupid’s mouth looked bewitohingly beau tiful as she modestly chewed her gum.” But when he perused the paper the next morning and saw that the word “gum” had been changed to “rum,” it is said the compositor required medical at tention for some days before being able to get around and collect his salary. In the London Christian World, in 1883, a writer, referring to an address at Christ Church by the Rev. Theodore Hookes represents him as saying that some of the clergy had gone back “to the black lie of their boyhood,” instead of black tie. Mistakes in punotuation, such as the omission or misplacing of # a comma, sometimes greatly change the sense of a passage; as when a compositor in setting up the toast, “Woman! without her, man would be a savage,” put the comma in the wrong place, and made the sentence read, “Woman without her man, would be a savage.” Another compositor, who was acuated by different motives than the one who punctuated the above sentence, is said to have punctuated a well-known proverb of Solomon thus: “The wicked flee, when no man pursueth the righteous, is bold as a lion.” This was merely the product of a budding wit, and was less excusable than the blun der of an English journal which stated that the Russian General Backinoffkowsky was “found dead with a long word in his mouth,” Some years ago a celebrated speaker had occasion to telegraph aoross the English Channel on the subject of a proposed lecture by him in- Westminster Abby. The subject, as writtfen by him, was, “The Influence of Rome on the Formation of Christianity.” It was announced in England as “The Influence of Rum on the Diges tion of Humanity.” While reading some of the above mistakes that have appeared in print the discerning ones can easily estimate the part the type setters played in deftly adjusting the types in order to produce startling effects. When the editor plainly wrote “metal pegs” in his article dealing with a scientific subject how his eyes must have stuck out when he returned the following day and found that it had been changed to read “mental legs.” With what ghoulish glee the humorous compositor must have contemplated his little joke. But as the editor rushes into the composing room and asks who set up that particular article, his smile begins to narrow down at the corners. “Who set this up?” he shouts in thundering tones. “I did, sir,” meekly replies slug No. 3, who is beginning to feel as tho a coal stove was perched on his head. “Look at that, sir! Does m-e-t-a-1 p-e-g-s spell mental legs?” he roared, sticking the paper under poor No. 3’s nose, with his pon derous thumb on the offending words. The committal of such jokes is proverbial with printers, and they would make interesting reading if collected together. Some printers can no more avoid making them than a cat can stop catching mice. Of course the proof readers might have discovered them, but they occasionally nod their head —they are not infallible by any means, as some worldly-minded writers suppose. These alleged jokes sometimes prove costly affairs. In fact whole editions have been destroyed on account of them. But the humor ous typo, is prone to have his fun, even tho he is now and then landed into the street for presuming to play them under the editor’s very nose. S. Sample Gases. I was glad to get a wire one day, shortly after dining at Ben son’s, which read, “Go to Memphis and wire your arrival.” It was good to get back to trolley cars after being several weeks among the merry farmers. Memphis looked the most enterprising city I found in all the South. In com parison, I mean, with other South ern cities. The retail stores were lighted by electricty and were well shoppers. I had occasion to pur chase a few articles and entered a good sized department store. While waiting for ray ohanoe, I said to the clerk: “I don’t see how you can run this store without any young lady clerks.” “Well, sah,” he replied—(they all speak with that delightful Southern ac cent). “Well, sah, you see the young ladies down here are very choice about employment and none of the genuine Southerners allow their daughters to work. Now and then,” he continued, “a young lady may be a bookkeeper, but as for going in a store, or to do mill work, not much, no sah, only the poor whites do that” We talked a few minutes more and at part ing he said he would be glad to meet me after business hours and go to the theatre, for he said a fine show was in town. On inquiry I found the “fine show” to be the “London Belles,” and so I plead a former engagement. I merely mention this to show how hospita ble the Southerners are to entire strangers. Imagine a clerk at Heigel Sloopers at Chicago in viting a stranger to a show! After supper I sat in the lob by and soon recognized several traveling men. Not that I knew them, but there is something about a traveling man by which he is easily known. As we sat smoking one man nodded to me and said, “Out of St. Louis?” “No, Cin cinnati,” I replied. “Oh yes, Cin cinnati. Great town. Always liked it. Good hotels there,” etc., etc. Another man chipped in and soon, four or five were in a gener al conversation. Said No. 1: “Bet lam the only man in the bunch that doesn’t carry samples!” “Bet you ain’t,” said I. “What’s your line?” he asked. “Fruit and produce.” “Well, that’s good.” No. 2 spoke up: “Yes, he’s not the only one without samples, for I don’t carry any either.” “What do you handle?” asked No. 1. “Tacks,” said No. 2. “Tacks!” we cried in chorus. “Yes, tacks,” said No. 2. “And all the sample I carry is this card.” Here he showed a printed card with sizes and grades of tacks. No. 3 then got mixed up in the game. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am a drummer, too, but no one likes my business except my customer. His customers hate my line, in fact would rather buy any thing else than my goods, but they buy ’em just the same and I don’t carry any samples either.” This was getting interesting. “And you sell what?” wo asked. No. 3 produced as fine a lot of photo graphs of coffins and shrouds as I’ve seen in many a day. “But,” I said to No. 1, “you have gotten us to tell all we know; bow about yourself?” “Well,” said he, “I’ve got you all skinned, as the saying goes, for I carry no samples of any kind whatever, and furthermore if I make one sale in six months my firm is satisfied. Guess what I sell!” Well we did guess. One guessed, “Air ships?” “No, not that,” said No. 1. “Opera Houses?” said another. “No.” “Churches?” “No.” “Oh you can’t guess,” said No. 1. “I sell steel bridges!” “Well,” pipes up a little fellow who had not spoken yet, “you fellows can talk all you please but I am the only legitimate drummer, in the outfit. I’ve got 21 trunks down stairs and tomor row I’ll be busy all day unpacking them and putting my- samples on a dozen different tables and then I’ll chase all over town and lie my head off, just to get some buyer to come here to look at my samples, and after he looks ’em over and I take him to dinner, he will swear he can buy the same goods right here 10 per cent oheaper. And THE BEST TWINE AT THE LOWEST PRICES - ■ ■■■■■■ IS== PRISON TWINE. PRICE MD QUALITY PUT UP IH FIFTY FULLY UUIRAHTEEU. PUUHU RALES. Sisal, 500 Feet to the pound, 0 3-4 Conts. Standard, 500 Foot to tho pound, 8 3-4 Conts. Standard Hixod, 550 Foot to tho pound, 9 1-2 Conts. Manila Mixod, 600 Foot to the pound, 101-2 Conts. Puro Manila, 650 Foot to the pound, 111-2 Cents. You can cancel order any time before shipment is made, in case of crop failure. Prices average three cents a pound less than is charged by other manufacturers and dealers for twine of equal grade and quality. Dealers’ orders will be filled after May Ist. «• Address all Communications to HENRY VOLFER, Warden, STILLWATER, ■ ■ MINNESOTA. then after ten days lying and begging and sweating, I’ll maybe sell SSOO worth at sixty days less 2 per cent and then go further South and do worse.” We sym pathised with the “legitimate” but the drinks were plainly on him and he confessed the justice of it. On the way out of the bar, I said: “Well, what’s your line?” “Hush,” he said, “that’s a bluff. I have no more samples than a rab bit. I’m selling whisky out of Louisville.” It was too good a secret to keep, so after the others were told, we asked him why he allowed himself to get stuok for the drinks. “It’s this way,” he replied: “My firm wants to sell whisky in this town; I spend about $5 a day to advertise our brand in a practical way. That’s why I called for the Blank Brand. That bartender will have to buy if you fellows stay here long enough and will call for Blank always.” Prov ing that one-half the world does not know how the other half has to hustle to make a living—am I right? Harley. A LITTLE SPOILSPORT. (Continued from page three.) I have never listened to in all my cen turies of existence. To thus jest with the most sacred of all gifts from our Great Father, is to invite millions of ages in obscurity and pennance. And why should I not tell him ? ’Tis our duty, as you know, in this existence, to better the dispositions of mankind in our small way, heal envy and bitter pangs with our fragrance and with our simple beauty teach the Creator’s lesson, that through earthly life and death only, man is made cognizant of the process towards immortal life. We bloom and wither every year (unless we have some extreme sin to atone for —like the heartless flirt in the thistle) and thus every year we come nearer that perfect state, where we bloom for ever in transparent troth by the throne of the Immortal Eye. We are bade to convey the idea of the highest con ceivable spiritual attainment, to im press the necessity of passing beyond humanity, to gain a level of peace, bliss above earthly comprehension—in other words, to reach Nirvana. Shortly before noon a servant came for me, took me to the carriage and after quite a drive I came to my new home. My new master himself met me at the door. He put me on a small table and sat down alongside and then I told him the whole shameful story. He sat silent a long time. Not a sign did he display of his great sorrow, except two tears that came peeping out timidly, but I know what he went through. He was a brave knight to be enrolled under—l would more were like him. He kissed me tenderly and called me his little pagan spoilsport, saying: “My love has not been wasted after all, for thou wilt appreciate and return it!” Soon his eyes blazed with scorn as he muttered: “Dost dig pitfalls for others! Verily thou cahst be paid in thy own coin! The tables turned, and thou knowest not I know. Perhaps thy pride will wilter.” He wrote some thing on his card, showed it to me, and put it in his cardcase. He then sent for his little sister and told her he was going away for a few months; to tell his man to pack his things and get everything ready, and then he begged her to take particularly good care of me till he came back. At the ap pointed time he called on my former mistress, sent in his card, and then went out immediately. 1 could imag ine them in the window looking for him and their hasty retreat to the con servatory on beholding his approach. After his return, and when we were alone, he brought out a pistol to put it in good order in case he should need it. It contained one cartridge and as be took it out, it slipped from his lingers, fell head-on on a nail and—exploded! In trying to grasp it he bent forward and the bullet struck him square in the forehead. He sank to the floor sighing: “God’s pity—an accident! Calla! bear witness ’twas not my will and—and— fare-thee-well!” I turned faint with hor ror. For hours I knew nothing save the vacuum he left; he my friend, my Xenes! The mystery was never solved, for I could not volunteer my testimony without exposing the whole vile affair, and thus leaving a blot on his sacred name. You may be sure “my lady” did not show his card to her chums, as on it was written in a strong hand: “April Fool!” Aba Dao; is , l