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TT“ ~~ Minnesota, £>t&.te 1 == r3|U, Vol. XYIIL—No. 18 H MY Dear Son: Your uncle, llurryup Slowgo, of Speed- th ville, Ariz., was here on a visit ov the greater part of last week, sei He is in poor health, and he threw out ve some broad hints about making his to will in the near future. He has no children of his own, and he asked ca many questions about you, and on the of whole he seemed disposed to bequeath wi his worldly goods to you. But when 1 wi told him you were finishing your edn- je< cation at the Stillwater Industrial Col- lo lege he shook his head and said he cc didn’t believe in colleges as conducted nowadays, and that he hadn’t much “i faith in college-bred young men. He w would have paid you a visit on his way back home, but he dreaded the conse- pi quence of a close acquaintance with lo Minnesota weather at this time of the year. He requested me to apprise you “’ concerning his condition, and to urge you to write him a personal letter, and b< also to.send your photograph to him, li that he might be thebetter enabled to fi form an estimate of your character. Now, Hiram, if you want his money I can show you a way to get it. Your o: uncle Hurry up is a good enough sort o of a man; there is nothing real mean or small about him; but he is extremely h opinionative and He is one d of those men who think they are p ing the roost, when in fact they are v nothing but puppets in the of n persons gifted with tact and diplomacy. He married a very estimable woman, c and she ruled him all her life, but he never tumbled. She fathomed his g good and bad points, but because she r loved him very much she fell into the habit of overlooking his bad points, t As you have not seen much of your v uncle, and consequently cannot be ex pected to form a just estimate of his I character, 1 will relate a few S anecdotes that may help you to 1 more clearly-nmderstand the bent of e his nature. 1 When he courted the lady who later c became his wife he was, of course, on 1 his good behavior, but even then he 1 sometimes showed signs of stubborn- ' ness. One evening, when visiting his 1 lady love, he told her he had a very ] important question to ask, but when 1 she evinced signs of anxiety to hear the < question at once he drew in his horns, < and utterly refused to make good. He < came again and again, but he didn’t I pop the question. But the girl was in < nowise disposed to give him up, and i having studied the peculiarities of his mental make-up pretty closely, she brought matters to a focus in this wise: “Mr. 5.,” she said one evening when they were taking a moonlight stroll, “you were once at the point of asking me an important question.” “Well, what of it?” “Please, don’t ask it?” “Why ? what’s gone wrong?” “Nothing. But I can partly guess what you would ask, and I want to spare you the pain of disappointment. I think you had better not visit me again.” - “Why, Lizzie, what on earth has gone wrong? I wanted to ask you to be my wife, and —” “Oh, Mr. S , please don’t. It cannot be.” “By G—d, it shall be! Why do you say it canndt be?” “Because I am not worthy of you.” “I say you are, and that settles it.” “Mr. S., you are so good, so noble, and I—” “You are just the woman I want, and if you won’t consent to marry me, and in short order at that, I’ll kidnap you; that’s all there’s to it.” “Ob} Hurryup dear, do you think you would be happy with me for a wife ?” “I don’t think it, I know it.” “But—” “No more buts. Will you be my wife? Ye8?orno?” “Y-e-s!” So they were married, and were toler ably happy ever after. But your uncle thinks he had a hard time getting Lizzie's consent. ; THE LAST LETTER. When they had been married some three or four years your aunt was al most dying with a sacred desire to pos sess a certain stylish dress made of very costly material, but sbe dreaded to speak to her husband about it. But when one of her neighbors be- 1 came the proud owner of such a piece of finery—the love of which, by the way, is a weakness that nearly all women, good and bad alike, are sub ject to—sha could control herself no longer, and she set her wits to work to control her husband’s wayward will. “Hurry, dear, (she had dropped “up” for good and all) look at that woman’s dress; isn’t it awful ?” The woman in question was just passing the house, and Hurry took a long look. “Gosh, she looks stunning!” he said. “What do you find 'awful’ about it?” “It’s so expensive. And it isn’t a bit becoming. At least I think a drees like that would make me look like a fright.” “No, it wouldn’t.” “Well, just to convince you I’ll take one of my old dresses and make it over like—” “No you won’t! Do you suppose I’ll have you go around in made over dresses? I’ve got some American pride about me, if you haven’t. Come, we’ll go right now and see your dress maker.” “Well, dear, if you wish it I’ll go of course.” “That’s right, Lrzzie. You’re a good 1 girl all right, but you need a strong r man to guide you. And your uncle believes to this day 1 that during her life his wife was his 1 j 4- willing slave! 1 If you want your uncle’s money, I Hiram, observe these instructions: i * Strike a proper attitude when you have your picture taken, i. e., stand * erect, and look straight ahead; let your s left hand take hold of the lapel of your * coat; let your right hand hang down 1 by your side This he regards as a 1 manly attitude, aud it will please him. * Tell him you are sorry his health is ( failing; that you hope many years will * pass before he finds it necessary to 1 think of making his will; that you I don’t need his money, but intend to carve out your own future; that you esteem him as a man and a relative, but that at the same time you 1 don’t care a cuss whether he has 1 any money to leave or not, or if he has money, whether he burns it up or leaves it to an idiot asylum. Make it stroug, Hiram, and if you throw in a few cuss words it’ll do all the better, , because he will at once recognize you : as a true Slowgo, and as a creditable scion of the old stock. Mind you lam not advising you to do and say all this. I am merely showing you a way to get the money, but you will have to set i tie with your own conscience whether > it is permissible to use diplomacy in . this case, or not. } Hiram, lam anxiously awaiting your home-coming, and the fatted calf is J ready to be killed. And if any of your f fellow students ever pass this way they shall be welcome to the best the house t affords for your sake. They, being used to high living at the college, may l not relish our homely fare, but per haps it will do for a change. I keep no wines, but barrels of the best cider manufactured anywhere re i pose in my cellar, enough for your whole college, instructors and all. Any one can tell them where old Slowgo lives. Most likely some one when P hearing they are on a visit to my place will ask them if they have any gold u bricks they want to dispose of at a fair price, because, as you know, some years ago 1 paid S2OOO for a fine imita tion gold brick, and my neighbors love y to have a little fun at my expense. They laugh, not because they are wiser than I am, but because they were not r_ tempted as I was. le As this is my last letter to The Mir g ror, I will beg the kind reader’s pardon for having so often wearied them with “IT IS \EVEK TOO LATE TO STILLWATER, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1904 my prosiness, and bid them all an affectionate “farewell!” Your loving father, H. Slowgo, Sr. The Old Man has said “farewell!” and I can do no better than follow suit. There are many in this institution wTiom I have learned to honor and to respect. There is a spot in my heart for them, and if my wishes could but fruitify showers of blessings would fall on them. We may never meet again, but I shall always remember them —even when the Angel of Death bids me follow him to “The undiscovered country, from whose bourse No traveler returns.” Hiram Si.owgo, .Jr Chinese Inventions. IF you will take the trouble to ask the next man you meet “TVhat in- ' ventions have the Chinese given to civilization ?” he will in all proba- 1 bility, answer promptly, “Gunpowder.” ° Now I do not believe that we should give China or any other nation a n great deal of credit for having invent ed gunpowder, I don’t know 7 that the world is much better off because of the discovery of gunpowder. Schoolbooks say powder was first made in .China, 1 and make no mention of the other 8 discoveries more important in their t eft' cts upon mankiricF that owe their 1 birth to the Chinese, j Did gunpowder ever civilize a ' nation? Most of us believe that prog- . ress is made through education —not 1 war; through books, papers, literature — not, gunpowder and dynamite. If this 1 is true why not give China- credit for ( the inventions tending to promote j j peace raiher than strife? She has 1 enough of them to her credit. | Take paper, for instance. It was firsf made in China. Think of the * step forward made possible by this one ; ‘ invention. When the Romans were 1 writing upon sheepskin, the Chinaman ' i used paper, paper finer than has ever 1 been made outside of China. How 1 | could the great number of books need* i ! ed to supply the world of today be furnished, if some Chinaman had not; given it paper? Yet every one says “Gunpowder.” Closely related to the discovery of paper and just as important from an j educational point of view r , was the i discovery and use of movable type. A Chink did it. Tho we usually say,; 1 and most books tell us, that Guten berg first invented type, history shows that movable type made from wood j were used in China 650 years before | Gutenberg’s adaption of the same principle in Europe. As communica tion with China was open at that time it seems reasonable to suppose that the printer of Europe received bis hint from the printer of China and not from the initials he carvea upon a tree, Ss an old school reader used to j have it. True, the Chinese still use j . their wooden blocks while we have the j , lineotype. A long step, and China’s non-i . progressiveness does not show 7 to ad r vantage, yet it still remains true that j China’s wooden type was the first con r ception of the modern machine. , Turn to navigation. I believe the city of Genoa boasts of beitig the home [ of the man who invented the compass. } Now the truth of the matter is that a . Chinaman, history says an emperor of r China,invented the compass in the sec . ond century B. C., and I believe the gentleman of Genoa-admitted that he ! first saw the instrument in the East. e When one stops to think what the j compass has done to develop the-world r and how lost we would be without it, e the invention of gunpowder sinks into insignificance. Nor Is this all. While e China took the fiist step towards mak ing maritime navigation easy, she was r also a prime factor in developing the navigation of the earth. We owe steel to China, also bronze, t- At least so history says. Turn next to n the weaving of silk. No country ever h produced as fine silk as is made in Chins, the land from whence it first came. Possibly the weaving of silk is not a very great civilizing agency but the silk itself is certainly almost a ' necessity to certain forms of our civili zation, and perhaps has done as much toward raising the standards of life, as gunpowder ever did. # Another Chinese invention, not so im portant as that of paper, type, the compass, etc., but still a very useful one to the ordinary person, is that of the sulphur match. Yes, I know that the Hint and steel were used tw r o hun dred years ago, but not in China. Ido not wish to detract one iota of praise from the Yankee who made the first American match. I am part Yankee ; myself. But L do believe that the Chink should afao receive credit for inventing it many hundred years be fore the American discovery. China ware first came from China; j another gift from the East that helps to make life a little more easy, and the ! Chinese porcelain has never been dup licated. The box kite that some of our scientists believe may lead to the solution of a 19th century problem— navigation of the air—first came from China. How many other discoveries have been made in China and claimed in the West it is impossible to say, but peo i pie of the West are constantly being surprised at the unexpected knowledge of the Chinks, and only recently it has been found that a claim iS now being ..made by a European to a “discovery” which the Chinks have used for cen turies. I refer t o the “violet rays” used in the practice of medicine. The whole scientific world has been heap ing praise upon the man who “discov ered” that if persons afliieted with cer tain ailments were placed under the influence of violet or red lights, the result was a marvelous cure. Now, ft hey have learned that Chinese physi cians have, for the last 600 years, been accustomed to treat those diseases by placing the patient in a room entirely papered in red. Practically the same treatment as the recent discovery. Of | course scientists are amazed and, tho S they have been laughing for years at the Chink’s medicine, they are now paying a good deal of attention to ! Chinese treatment. N o, Gunpowder is not the only inven tion from China. Not So Funny After All. NO doubt many readers of The Mirror read the short article, “Why Is It?” which appeared in last week’s issue, and felt that the true Christian and the church had been slapped in the face. In the first place let me state that personally I do not pretend to be a Christian. What I have been and what I hope to be, I lay to one side for the present, and will consider some phases of W. S’s article from a purely worldly standpoint. Christianity, as I understand it, is not a commodity to be bought and sold in dollars and cents. It is something that cannot be compared with veneer. A Christian must be like the true diamond or else he is like the paste some w r ear, imagining that those they come in contact with will believe them to be real stones. The man who knows a true diamond from a fake will notice the difference at a glance. Now let us suppose that the man who knows the genuine stone, saying to himself or writing articles for pub lication, sucb-as this; “Now this mania Wearing fake diamonds, and because he is wearing the fake diamonds I will not have anything to do with the real diamond.” would say that such a man was a bigger fool than the man who wore the paste diamonds. Whether a man pretends to be a Christian or not, is something I would feign from commenting upon, because I am not a maker of men’s souls. Whether a man ekperienbes the feel- Tcous. j Sl.OOper year, In advance lERMB.-j gfx Months 50 certs. ing of sins forgiven before he comes here, or whether his coming here has caused him to repent and look for a higher guidance than that of man, is something that in justice to those near and dear to me, who have passed to the great beyond, I would hesitate to say a word against. Ido not believe that any man who is classed with the world can tell a genuine diamond from a paste. The fact that one of our fast men (as stated) quit the church because he found hypocrites therein, proves noth ing more than that he was as great a hypocrite as there was in the church, otherwise he would not have been so w r eak as to say, “Is ow there is Mr. —. I don’t believe or think he lives up to his professions, therefore I will with draw and let my soul be damned.” W.S., makes use of this sentence: “Some men never get religion and they keep out of jail and church.” I believe that getting religious and experiencing sins forgiven, are tw r o different phases for thought. 1 think if W. S. had broadened out and given his thoughts more latitude he would have discovered that w r here there is a Christian that falls from grace and breaks the laws of his country, there are hundreds out side of the church who end in the same place. It is easy enough to find counter feits in men outside of the church, but it is unreasonable to expect that a counterfeit worldly man can detect a counterfeit Christian. It is highly commendable for any man to strive to be a Christian. The truer Christian life he lives, the less he will be able to condemn those whose standard of life is not man but his Maker. She Went Joo Far. “You w r ere cut out for the newspap er business.” remarked Cleopatra to Julius Csesar, one day during his so journ in Egypt. ‘‘What makes you think so?” smil ingly asked the conqueror of Gaul, ex pecting the answer would be that it was on account of his fighting ability. “Because you are a perfect Roman type,” responded the beautiful Cleopa tra, who, as will be seen, had a lead of humor running through her. “Well,” said the general, after he had laughed, forcedly, to show his appreci ation of the joke, “which letter do I resemble ?” R. W. Her wit getting the better of her, she replied: “You look like a ‘J.’ ” That very night Csesar sailed for Rome—Puck’s Library. Length of Days and Rights. By a simple rule the length of the days and nights at any time of year can be ascertained by simply doubling the time of the sun’s rising, which will give the length of the night, and by doubling the time of the setting, which will give the length of the day. For instance, if the sun rises at five o’clock, the length of the night will be ten hours, and if it sets at seven o’clock the length of the day will be 14 hours. —Ex. ft Qentle Hint. Lenders—Do you ever think of that “ten spot” you borrowed of me? Borroughs—Don’t worry. I still have it in mind. Lenders —Don’t you think it about time you relieved your mind?—Ex change. Jhe Parental Plot. “Nellie dear,” whispered the Wash ington youth, “I see my mother and yours are in earnest conversation over there, I wonder what they are talking about.” “Maybe,” said the Washington maid- f en, with a bright blush, ‘Uhey think they’re holding a steering committee meeting.”—Chicago Tribune. C. L. C.