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SIDE LIGHTS IffeZEEl
Diamond Dust blows out as the football season blows in. Old Hutch says he never reads The Mirror. More “sweetness wasted upon the desert air.” “Prof. Booohar jleads ze band like ze granda mao,” says Frenoliy, a new member of the local notables. The Duke of Oxford is up with Anglicos and D. M. in providing readable stuff for The Mirror. Tailor Nelson's washfoundry Taylor says he has “nearly gone blind looking for a letter from loway.” A kind act is like “bread cast upon the waters.” It may come back in the form of frosted cake or angel food. Otto, the local Theosophist says he is 9999 years old and can prove it by Mrs. Besant, the famous pre ceptress of the colt. “The new chef is no peanut politician if his head is shaped like that of a goober,” remarked Mr. Waldorf ou a recent occasion. There is the Red Book, the Blue Book and the Green Book, but the best book for many here abouts is the good old schoolbook. Billy Pinkerton, jr., is on the list of local schoolteachers. He says be has gained an ounce in weight and a ton in importance. “Mistah Ford continues to use that Vici shoe dressing onlhis face. Mistah Ford’s face shines like pat ent leather all the time,” observed d compatriot. Young Steady is a valued mem ber of the looal Chautauqua Circle. He is making good all along the line and is now the famous poet printer-pirate. “Ya-a-a-s,” said Prof. Webb, “I was up to couht recently. I was very horizontal-like when I went in, but I came out very’perpendic ular, suh, yeesuh.” ‘ I’m conniving at and concoct ing a new dish —the best ever,” said King Menelik. “It is chicken pie a la North Pole—you hear about it —but you don’t see it.” ’Andy H’Andy is writing his autobiography, Twenty Years on the Briny Before the Mast. He has been at it now for several months and has eight lines finish ed. The Appendicitus Club is pre paring to preseut to the late Trib une of the Elect a “diploomer” certifying that he is entitled to the distinction of Knockei Emeri tus. “Yes,” remarked a feller, “Angli cus plays the clarinet like he was falling up stairs all right, but he plays the piano like he was coming down a greased incline on roller skates.” Guard Goldsmith says he wishes someone would move the North Pole a little farther north in the good old winter time and a little farther south in the good old sum mer time. “Thefantastic facial foliage worn by some of the laddiebuoks prior to their departure would stunt the growth of an alfalfa crop if brought in proximity to it,” said an oldtimer. “Erid is great on quoting the constitution, but he forgets that the constitution has been stretched hell, west and crooked on numer ous occasions,” said one of the wise laddies. “It was a cold night last night,” said Butch, jr., the other evening. “Someone must have shoved the North Pole down my back vile I wasn’t looking or vatohing or expecting it.” “Mr. G. enters the Hall of Fame here as Mr. Gold brick,” remarked the Secretary of the Executive Committee and Mr. L. H. makes his bow under the sobriquet of Lowbridge. Said a young lady in passing through The Mirror office: “1 would like to see this King Men elik I’ve been reading about.” Her companion responded: “Oh, it costs extry to see him.” Hugo says: “I bin reading in some baper dat Chermany und England are going to varsoon, yet. Iss it? Ach, dat dear old Cher many ! Soon after I leaf Der Kai ser gets into drouble. Doo doo bad, yet —yah!” “I hear you’re getting very fas tidious now, ha-ha-he-he, pizzam, gazoog, kachug,” spluttered the Chief Engineer the other day. “If it is as funny as all that and affords so much joyousness it ought to be permitted,” remarked a well posted neighbor. “I haven’t heard anything from or about that famous canary, Pat, for a long time,” said a feller. “He has lost his voice,” said the part addressed, “but he is learning to make the same kind of signs as the men jailbirds. JEe talks with his eyelashes.” Porfirio Alexio Gonzolio says the grip fever has left him. He feels perfectly cured and able to with stand any future attack of the same. He says he knows a certain party who will use an axe or a meat chopper on him if he gets the habit of getting the grip again. Sometime ago Erid inquired to know, “of what use is a oobweb?” A cobweb —a single cobweb—may not be of much use —but a bunch of cobwebs may be used in ageing whiskey by wrapping the webs around the bottle. Imagination is a great comforter in such an instance. King Edward and Lewis Nixon, the famous American shipbuilder, have been at Bad Neuheim, Ger many, taking a bath and diet cure. What do you suppose the doctors have been feeding them to cure their ailments and restore their shattered human economies? Never could guess it m a hundred years! Stewed prunes! Now, “vat you link about dat?” * Said Heliograms the other even ing: “I was thinking of dropping out of the Chautauqua for a while to take the rest cure by joining the Dutch Smokefest Verein wid me friends, but whin me country calls I’m there wid me gabfest apparatus. Nothing suits me as well as Chau tauqua chatter —but there hasn’t been enough chatter to make a good talkfest chowder, b’gosh.” “Das Varden are a yenooine yentlemans or he vould tak some of das liar fellers in har and trow dem over de vail u betch u life,” remarked Meester Yonson. “Some of dose har fellers lak Yens Yen son tink dey are yenooine yentle mans—but Ay tank it is only a tink. Ven dey lose dat tink down dey sink. No yenooine yentlemans vould borrow anodder feller’s foun tain pen and forget de nam and number of de owner by Yiminy, Yacabson, Ay tank so. If das Varden catoh das feller Ay tank somebody tak a high yump by Yiminy!” Handy Andy is a famous scalp wiggler. Ask him. Diamond Dust. By R. L. Bad Bill Dahlen ie slated to suc ceed Jack Dunn as manager of the Baltimore club. Bugs Raymond suspended by McGraw for refusing to be good is now tending bar in New York. Pittsburg and Hans Wagner vs. Detroit and Ty Cobb for the World’s Championship. Fine busi ness. If Ed Walsh had showed the form all season that he has the last few weeks Commy’s Sox would have been closer to the diz zy height. Earl Gardner’s work at second sack for the Yankees leads the fans to think that Big Chief Stal lings has found the missing link of his infield. Our friend Heliograras says, “Oi was never much of a ball play er but in me palmy days Oi miss ed very few of the highballs that came me way.” Ex-Manager James McAleer of the St. Louis Browns succeeds Joe Cantillon as pilot of the Wash ington club, while Jack O’Connor succeeds Jimmy in Old St. Looie. Fred Tenny, the Giants’ first sacker says he is not going to quit playing as long as he can stay on the big league club’s payroll. Fred thinks his pins will be all right again next spring. In thirtyseven games Geo. Mul lin of the Tigers allowed 244 hits and won twentyeight games while Walter Johnson of the Senators allowed but 226 hits in thirtyeight games yet only won thirteen. The Chicago Cubs and White Sox will play a post season series for the Windy City ohampionship and the New York Giants and Boston Red Sox will hold a post season coin gatherer of five games. Joe Cantillon, the deposed Wash ington pilot, while not on Pres ident Johnson’s visiting list has a warm friend in Chas. Cotniskey and it would be no surprise if Joe managed the Windy City White Hose brigade in 1910. Christy Mathewson will organ ize a team of National League stars to take to the coast next fall. They will play the Philadelphia Athletics enroute. The team starts at the close of the World’s Series as several of the players want to witness the combat. Christy Mathewson the king of 6lab artists is going to retire at the close of the present season. Mat ty’s attitude is not one assumed to force a raise of salary. Like Fielder Jones he thinks his con templated business career is too bright to be turned down. Ex-Manager Lajoie will remain with Cleveland as his contract runs until 1912 and calls for close to SBO,OOO. President Killfoyl could neilher sell nor trade Larry with out his consent as his contract specifies that he cannot be sold or traded without his consent. Tommy Leach oomes to the front with the following speech: “You hear of players whose love for the game will not let them quit. That’s nonsense. They love it the same way I do. Because they can make more playing ball that at any other occupation.” Cobb, Collins, Lajoie and Craw ford are the leading swatters in the American League while Wag ner, Mitchell, Hoblitzel and Brans field are the National League lead ers. These players hav6 all taken part in more than one hundred games while others with higher averages have only taken part in half as many. The Land of the Poets. OLD GLORY. I like to see the Stars and Stripes A-wavm’ in the air. I like to see the glory flag A-wavin’ everywhere. When I am far away from home The flag looks good to me, It fathered, mothered, nursed And cradled liberty. I like to see it on the mast, And see it on the shore. I love to watch Old Glory Wave on high forevermore — To watch it wavin’ on the land, And floatin’ on the sea, From Puget Sound the world around To the Eastern Filligree. It is riding on its record, A floatin’ from the mast, A-representin’ many things That happened in the past. It speaks o’ many victories And men who paid the price, A-representin’ noble hearts And deeds o’ sacrifice. —D. P. C., Ex-Marine. 8 PETE’S PHILOSOPHY. H From right back whar the b Tiffin’ starts Ci I find I've played er losin’ game, jjj Dummies and knaves, one trick in hearts, nj Is the only point that I kin claim. jjj My Queen o’ Hearts was the only trump R] Of enny value that I’ve held; ni The dealer found in me a chump, nj An’ guyed me cos my head was swelled. jQ Perhaps thur’l be another deal— jjj It makes me laugh near fit to choke. H If I should lose thur’l be a squeal, Cj Cos the winning guy ul find me broke, jjj —D. M. ALBION. Ofttimes I dream of a cliffgirt shore, And catch the echo of the breakers’ roar As foamcapped, swirling, with a maddened speed They rush and grapple, break and then recede. One time these cliffs towering above the foam Of seethiDg waters, meant for me a home. Those ironbonnd shores, scarred by the passing years, Witnessed my birth, inspired my hopes and fears. Some day, Great God, if I a boon may crave, Grant me therein a place, if but a grave. —D. M, ! GRIEVE NOT. } 0 Grieve not for other days and ohances missed, # j| Nor in the past with fainting heart abide, * He wins who straggles hard amidst a \ The treaoherous currents of the rising tide. J I —D. M. J | C J - a************************!*************************** PLAN WISELY NOW YOUR FUTURE. Within the walls of these whitewashed balls, where we make an unwilling stay, Wounded in heart and grieving sore, but longing for freedom’s day, Are many men of different mould and many of hardened heart, And many who planning life again, can make another start. Remember there’s someone in this world, perhaps someone beyond recall, Whose counsel wise and love demands the best that is in us all. And there isn’t one who can’t arise from the ashes of his past Redeeming the vows here made by holding the same to the last. Let each with a chance that is given and each with a will intent Abandon all thoughts of evil, and from the books that are lent Choose those that a moral can teach and those that some knowledge can give, Laying in store for tomorrow each of the days we ive. And when at last labors are ended and the weary workman’s tools are checked, ’Twillbe useless then repining for the years through folly wrecked. So plan wisely now your future and take stock for reckoning day By learning to walk upright in the straight and narrow way. —A. R.