And Porfirio —he's done gone,
To speak kindly is a great en
The local poets are chirping as
gaily as ever.
The Priuoe de Cacciac is com
ing along soon.
The political steam rollers are
A cool head and a dry oollar pro
mote peace and tranquility.
A kind word has more pulling
power than there is push i n a
The Zumbro Chief says things
are really warm in his bailiwick
in the engine room.
The campaign cigars £will soon
be the bane of the average voter’s
existence —but not arouud here.
Chief Faribault is] at the New
Prison wearing a* straw hat. He
finally got one to his great delight.
“One good feller, that Signor
Caruso —because he can so well
rahzooso,” says onejof his compa
Mistah Arkfinsaw: “I kaint
stan’ de heat lak I used to could
down in Arkansaw —nosah, Gnv
The Minnesota Binders are sing
ing songs in the harvest fields and
are using Stillwater twine to make
Capt. Whelan says it is a good
plan to keep shady in tlie good oid
Summer time—especially on the
days that sizzle.
Prof. Burchard has kept the
local band going in good shape,
despite the departure of some of
his principal musiciaus.
Oliver Twist continues to gain
in weight right along. “Nothing
like being close to the commissary
department,” observed a neighbor.
Mistah Ford says he is back on
earth again. “Those circus clothes
made m e feel funny,” he said.
“And look funnier,” said a neigh
Gilbert says: “I aint waitin’
for no girl. What Ia m waitin’
for is Janooary—l’m wait in fcr
her.” Well, Miss Janooary will
soon be here.
H ugo is thinking of' starting a
cat show, h e says. He has all
kinds of cats in hi s bailiwick.
“They are the finest cuts vat iss, all
the viie,” he said.
Sawbones Sawyer says things are
so quiet noiv up where he is at
that he sometimes feels the lack
of a little excitement —just to keep
things from rusting.
Prof. Bail—Tailor Nelson’s pri
vate secretary —says he will soon
retire from the towel supply busi
ness permanently. The Professor
is all to the custard while he is at
Uncle John says he is not a can
didate for reeleotion as President
of the Chautauqua Circle. “Two
terms are enough,” he said. “I
(lont. want to join the repeater
Prof Holmes —Old Repeater—
recently got into the Appendicitis
Club. “What's the matter with
you?'’ he was asked. “Got the
lumbago and gout,” h e replied.
The high cost of living does not
affect Prof. iJolmes.
“I sit, so skeered sometimes,”
said Pr f. Webb not, long ago,
“that I feel I am going to turn
clean, plumb white. If that should
happen my occupation ns a cullud
cocanut comedian would be gone
sure enough.” The Professor is a
good printer in addition to being a
Whitney at the hospital says be
feels like a millionaire whenever
he gets hold of a copy of The Fra
to read. He says he likes the good
stuff it carries between its covers.
The local officials were more
liberal with their ice this Summer
than ever before, it is said. There
was plenty of it on hand to reach
arouud —and then just a little bit
As a philosopher whose maxims
are based on hoss sense it is pretty
hard to beat Davy. He said the
other day duriug a very hot spell:
“I dont care nuthin’ about nuthin’
“Veil, I try to get home purty
soon now,” said Butch recently.
“I am not afraid of the high cost
of living. lam a butcher and I
kin chop out my own living
Napoleon, junior, is one of the
busiest and most active chaps in
the caravansary. He is happiest
when he is busiest and conversely,
he is busiest when he is happiest.
Great is Napoleon, junior!
“The Who-Who’s certainly had
an interesting time at their second
annual convention,” said a neigh
bor. “They were Johnsonized all
right,” he said, “to let the cullud
cocanut get away with them.”
The twine shop runner—Mistah
Coles—now known as Mepliisto—
has not been hollering for tags
very loudly of late. On a recent
occasion during a rush the boys
set him to work pumping the press.
That kept him away for a long
time thereafter. Mistah Cole,
however, is a very modest cullud
Old Heliograms is very busy
these days. “Oi will come around
after a while so Oi can do my work
without shakin’ myself to pieces.
I see now that responsibility has
a whole lot to do with turning peo
ple’s hair gray. Whiu'a feller has
no responsibility he is well off—
but he does not know it. He goes
gunning for responsibility—gets it
—and thin his troubles begin—
and keep a-comin’. Arrah—l must
git to wor-r-k,” he concluded.
The Popular Magazine: ‘ Rep
resentative Cordell Hull of the
Fourth Tennessee district, likes to
do things to impress his constitu
ents with the idea that he is always
trying to benefit them. On one
occasion he persuaded a good roads
enthusiast to travel with him
through his district and lectuieon
good roads, of which there are few
in that puit of the State. “You
tell these people,” said Hull, “that
you’ll show them how t o build
good roads so that they can get
their corn out to market.” At the
first meeting place, the good roads
expert said to the constituents:
“My friends, I am going to show
you how to build such roads that
you cau get your corn out.” “Well,
stranger,” drawled one of the Ten
nesseeans, “you dont need to wor
ry. Down here we raise a lot of
corn, but we moke it inter whiskey
an’ then fight it out.”
Prof. Bare hard i s furnishing
the natives with some good music
The print-hop has completed
the pamphlet for ttie State Board
of Charities and Correction and is
now grappling with the Warden’s
The occupant of 411 would like
to exchange the Show World for
the Bill Board. Also the Green
Book and Human Life for other
periodicals devoted to the stage.
An advance edition of the Hand
Book of the Minnesota State Pris
on was turned ont last week. The
total edition is 15,000 copies. The
text has been brought up to this
The pennant race is over in the
American Association, Minneapolis
having an iron-bound, copper-rivet
ed cinch on first place.
The victorious Millers are likely
to make a postseason tour of Cuba
with a series of games in Havana.
They are also figuring on a Spring
training trip to the same place.
Manager Chance fired Pitcher
Kroh a few days ago. He could
dispense with several more and
still have a sizable and efficient
corps of pitchers on hand. On the
Cub’s last trip East Manager
Chance took along ten pitchers.
He isnt overlooking any opportun
ities to clinch the pennant.
The Cincinnati and Cleveland
clubs will meet in h postseason
series of seven games for the chair -
piooship of Ohio. They should
allow Toledo and Columbus to come
in on the deal —then the winners’
title would be clear. It is not at
all improbable that the two latter
teams would force the major clubs
to exert themselves to the ut
Ty Cobb is having Lis troubles
this year. He has always been un
popular with the other members
of the Detroit team. Recently mat
ters reached an acute stage—Tyrus
refusing to play as long as a cer
tain other member of the team was
in the game. But Manager Jen
nings insisted that he knew how to
run the team and allowed Ty to
cool his heels outside the paik for
a few days. Cobb has au over
bearing disposition and for some
time liasut been on speaking terms
with other members of the team.
Were it not for the fact that his
play is as brilliant, if not moie so,
than ever he would quickly land
on the scrapheap.
Sometimes when a player’s days
of usefulness are over in the major
leagues he refuses to go to the
minors. But this is the exception
rather thau the rule. Most of them
take the matter calmly and figure
on staying in the game for a few
years more. When the Detroit
club recently sold Pitcher Killian
to the Toronto club of the Eastern
League he refused to go, but pack
ed his grip and went home. Elmer
Flick is another player who would
not accept the conge, saying he
would much rather give his atten
tion to farming than to playiugwith
the Kansas City club. It is not
often, however, that we see a play
er of Jess Tanuehili’s ability ask for
his unconditional release on the
ground that he didnt think he was
giving value received for his salary.
Manager Cantilliou told him tie
could stay with the Millers the
balance of the season, but Jess felt
that he couldnt deliver the goods so
he got his release.
The American League race is de
veloping into a pretty tight affair.
Numerous writers are already pro
claiming the Boston Red Box as
the winners. Hugh Fullerton is
especially insistent that it is to be
so. But he rather naively adds:
“Years ago I was wroug about
something; I have forgotten what
it was, but I’ll admit frankly I was
wrong, so these things may not all
come to pass.” We see no reason
to hedge on our previous predic
tions. Right now the Athletics
have a margin of about seven or
eight games to fiuish the season on.
On the last trip the Athletics out
of the first eight games played,
won six, tied one and lost one; the
record of the Red Box for the same
period was six won and two losses,
so the latter- are making no per
ceptible gain. Another strong
point for the Athletics is that they
have thus far taken eleven out of
fifteen games from Boston and
have eight more to play. If the
Boston team intends to capture
first place they wiil have to open
up the ginger box soon—for, taken
man for man, the Athletics are
as sweet a lot of players as there is
in the business.
A Mother Believed in Him, Long Ago.
Time-worn, weather-beaten, with dim, bleared eyes,
His face like a map of the Country of Sin;
Knowing no hope and winning no prize,
Callous without and hardened within—
Room for me still on the great highway!
Comrade of shame and companion of woe;
Look where he staggers and softly say:
“A mother believed in him, long ago.”
A wee little babe, on her bosom he lay,
And gently she chanted an old, sweet song:
“Hushaby, lullaby; ever, alway,
His white angels guard thee from error and wrong/’
And his lips were pure as a thought of God,
And his eyes were bright, that are heavy and dim,
As the sleep angels bore him, oj : untrod,
There where the twilight was singing its hymn.
Time-worn, weather-beaten—and yet she dreamed,
With love in her eyes, as a mother must;
And she saw where the sunlight over him streamed,
And the pruyer in her heart was a prayer of trust.
A mother believed in him, long ago—
This is his passport to heights of peace
Where we walk no more with error and woe
Aud the pain and the travail forever cease.
Only a wreck ’mid the wrecks of men,
Crushed in the battle; lost, forlorn,
Staggering on, through mire and fen,
Yet to hope’s heritage he was born.
Make room for him, then, on the great highway!
Whither ’twill lead him we may not know,
Out of the maze of doubt and dismay,
Since a mother believed in him long ago.
—Alfred J. Waterhouse.
The Philosopher and the Sport.
Said I to Bill, “each sensuous thrill
Our tranquil communing outwits,
And we’ll weepto the last for times that are past.”
Said Bill, “I’ll bet you two bits.”
I sighed, “ah well! nobody can tell
What changes will happen with time;
Ere the season is sped yon and I may be dead.”
Said Bill, “I’ll bet you a dime.”
“Or the welkin so green, where the daisies are
Be soused like a cucumber pickle,
Or be suddenly rent by internal ferment.”
Said Bill, “I’ll bet you a nickel.”
“The beautiful dreams, that embellish the schemes,
That throb iu the brain of a soliolar,
Are full recompense for the world’s negligence.”
Said Bill, “I’ll bet you a dollar.”
And that’s how it goes; philosophical woes
And daring poetic ascents
Are brought to the ground, harnessed and bound
By the jugglers of dollars and cents.
Says the Sassy Sonnet:
“‘What shall be get who doth a sonnet wiite?
Who doth a sonnet right what shall he get?’
These are problems that my Author never yet
Did undertake to solve until last night.
And even then he feared to face the tight
In which so many bards defeat have met.
But now it’s o’er and there is no regret,
For Boon he’ll know—since I’ve been written right.
All contradictions I do now defy;
That I’ m a sonnet anyone nil! know.
The price of me must needs be quoted high,
Since editors will clamer for to buy.
The Pardon Board will surely let him go—
The convict who doth sonnets such as I!”
-A. O. H.
Old Repeater and the Skeeter.
They say Old Repeater
Felt a naughty skeeter
Trying to get sweeter.
He swiped at the skeeter,
Did grand Old Repeater.
A jab never neater
Happened to a skeeter,
But the skeeter was fleeter
Than the Old Repeater;
However, with a machiter
The brave Old Repeater
Shaved the horrid skeeter—
And now that skeeter
No longer bothers Old Repeater!
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