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THE SEDALIA WEEKLY BAZOO. TUESDAY, JUNE 6, 1882
5 NINETY-NINE YEARS. Taylor Underwood, the Mur derer, Doomed to Life Im prisonment in the Penitentiary. Saved From the Gallows, He Goes to Meet a Living Death More Ter rible Than Hanging. The Story of His Brutal Crime The Muraer of Sheriff Mc Elrath, at Greenfield. TAYLOK underwood. Tiylor Underwood, the noted criminal, hav.-ig pleaded guilty ou his second trial iu imirder in the second degree, and been fciiionced to ninety-nine years imprison infcz.. was taken through Sedalia on Thurs day. Jiid before sundown of that day had bidtU'i adieu forever to all of this world i hv i- outside the gloomy walls of the penitentiary. HIS CRIME vaa no ordinary murder. An officer in the Miupie and faithful discharge of his duty, was shot down in cold blood, and rushed i pared into eternity. J. D. McEirath, the worthy marshal of the city of Green he'd, Dade county, was his victim. The marshal had merely told Underwood 1'iat it was his duty to arrest him. He had as yet not made the attempt, when Under wood watched his opportunity and after firing with fatal effect, turned and fled, and although closely pursued, at last effected his escape. Certainly if ever killing deserves the pun ishment of death, the wanton murder of this faithful officer deserves it. The above likeness is one of the best ever taken of the crime-stained man. Poor McEirath was to have been mar ried ,to a very beautiful and es'itnabie young lady on the Sunday following his murder. He is represented to have ap peared very cheerful and kindly disposed towards all, in this near consummation of his happiness. In this mood he met the des perado, an old acquaintance it seems, on the 20th of June, 1881, on the street. After a few pleasant words, McEirath ex plained to Underwood that he wag suspected of connection with some recent hofise thefts and it was his duty to arrest him. Then, without making the endeavor the marshall walked away. Very soon, however, they met again, Underwood Ft.inding in the door of White's saloon. He insisted that the marshal should come in and take a drink with him. They had their drink and were standing at the counter, when McEirath again remarked that he MUST ARREST HIM. At this juncture a third man, suspected by Underwood to be the marshal's assist ant, came into the saloon, when suddenly Underwood drew his revolver and fired, hitting the marshal. Then the alert rascal backed through the rear door and fled, with a crowd following. He intimidated them with a few shots, and quickly com ing upon a hitched team, cut one of the horses loose, and mounting, MADE HIS ESCAFE to the woods. Thence Underwood sought the Indian territory, striking the line at Seneca. From there he went to Vinita, where he met friends of his own stripe and was furnished with money. After a few days rest he went to Chetopa, Kansas, where a brother lived. In HIS NARRATIVE of what followed, Underwood says: After staying at my Drother's a couple of days, I went back sonth, getting off the train at Gibson station and walking to Oc inulgee, sixty miles southwest. From there I went by freight teams to Sac Agency, not showing up, however, in any of these towns. Went from Sac Agency about nine miles north on Red Fork, and from there wrote a letter to my brother near Chetopa. In reply, he said his oldest son HAD BEEN HUNG for horse stealing by a mob at Greenwood, Mo., and also another son was in jail at Carthage, where he had been taken from Kansas without any requisition from the governor. He told me a prominent lawyer at Carthage said he could get him outon a writ of habeas corpus, and wanted me to come back and get him out of the country as I was well acquainted with it. He said the lawyer informed him that the boy eould be arrested again, unless taken out of Missouri at once. After getting that letter, I went to Chetopa, reaching my brother's just before daylight. He was then at home, and we HAD A TALK about how we would manage to get hiB son away. I was to go with him to Car thage. He was to get bim out, bring him down to a cornfield, where I was to be; then the boy and I were to travel at night till we reached the nation ; my brother was to take the train and go back home. I was to take the boy to a point near Sac Agency, where he could get work. Then my brother, who had sold out while I was at his house, was to come down where his son was. REACHING CARTHAGE on the night of August 5th, we took a nap in Lamb's cornfield, northwest of the town. My brother went up in town next morning and got us some Bologna sausage, sardines and bread. It was verv hot, and I said I wished I bad had r,Sis" (my brother's wife) cut my hair, which was very long. He said "he would look for an out-of-the-way BARBER SHOP. I told him I didn't think I would be known and believed I would go up and have my hair cut. He went up to look for a shop and came back just before night. Before starting while we were talking and waiting for it to get dark enough to go up, we had a talk about where he would meet me again in the nation. He drew a long breath and said, "Taylor, I'm so troubled I don't know hardly what to do." I rather SUSPECTED SOMETHING THEN, but we had soldiered together in the Union army during the war, and had been to gether so much, I didn't think him so de void of honor as to give me away or 6ell me out. Dark coming on. we went to town by the big spring, where I got the first drink of cool water I had had for a day or two. We walked up the street together and in passing Church's saloon I SAW A MAN in there wearing a broad brimmed hat. (afterward found out it was Pike, the de t.ctivi.j wliKi 1 thought was watching me. 1 thought I would watih him to see if he followed me, but about this time the negro who was to cut my hair saw me coming, ( he knew me by my brother,) and began to dance on the sidewalk, which distracted my attention, and I didn't look to see whether or not I was followed. My broth er and I walked right up to the BARBER SHOP, and noticing nothing unusual, walked in. A negro asked me if I'd have a shave. Told him no, I wanted my hair cut, at the same time walking back to a chair near the rear of the room. 1 noticed two men come in, and looked up to see who thev were, but they turned their heads so "i could not see their faces, and nsked lor a drink of water. The man who turned out to be Pike, went around back of ni chair to get a drink. As soon as he got it 1. . A. I I 0 1 :ie lurneu rounu BEFORE I HAD TIME TO THINK and threw his left arm across my breast, catching hold of the opposite side of chair with his left hand, at the same time throw ing his chin down on my breast. I threw my arms up, and either broke his hold or slid his arm around my neck. Some three or four others grabbed my arms on either side when I threw them "up. 1 was covered up with a barber's apron, but I freed my right arm, when two of them grabbed it and pulled it back again. I got ii loose again and tried to pull the barber's apron off of me, when they caught my arm, and forced it back the third time. "Seeing that my CHANCES OF ESCAPE in this manner were poor, I threw my foot from the foot-rest over back of my head, and would have gotton loose had Hot Pike thrust his elbow into my side and forced me back. Then the prosecuting attorney, who had come in, caught hold of my pistol and began choking me. I saw it was USELESS TO STRUGGLE any longer and put my hands together and let them hand-cuff me, after which they got me on my feet. I said to Pike, "For God's sake don't mob me like a dog, but shoot me right here." He said "we don't want to mob vou." Three or four of them ran their hands in my pockets, when I told Pike I had a little money in them which I wished he'd take, that I didn't want everybody running their hands in my pockets. They carried me to jail, and turning my brother's son out of his ceil, put me in his place Underwood waived an examination and was taken to the Springfield jail to save him from A MOB at Greenfield, but when the October term of court came he was returned to the latter place. A change of venue was easily se cured and the case sent to Barton county. When this was learned, a mob assembled at the outskirts of Greenfield and were pre paring to break into the jail aue take him out and HANG HIM. It is doubtful if there would have been any very serious regrets felt anywhere had they succeeded. But the mob were pre vented by the plucky action and sagacity of Sheriff Whitesides. He made prepar ations to defend his prisoner. The assur ance, however, that he would ARM THE DESPERADO and bid him to fight for his life, had the most cooling effect. And early the next morning the sheriff spirited Underwood away and safely landed him in the jail at Lamar. At the succeeding regular term of court, the trial was postponed on account of the murderer's sickness; but at the December term, 1881, he was tried and convicted and sentenced by Judge Burton TO BE HUNG on the 27th day of the following January. An appeal having been taken, the supreme court reversed and remanded the case. Last week the case was called a second time when a plea of guilty of murder in the second degree was entered, as already stated, and a sentence equivalent to im prisonment for life, passed upon him. Underwood was twice married. His first wife died in 1871. His second wife ws8 Miss Emma Wallace, who resded in PETTIS COUNTY, and the m arriage ceremony was performed in this county by Elder Pool on the 23d of November, 1873. By his first wife, Underwood had a daughter who is now 13 years old. In May, 1874, this woman ran off with Lew Mangier, a breakman. Subsequently she married and is said to be trying to liVe re spectably. The murderer received several RELIGOUS BOOKS from her while under the sentence of death. On the cover of one of them the woman had written the she "thought of him and prayed for him." Underwood, according to his own ac count, led a very CHECQUERED LIFE. He served two years in the Union army and was twice wounded ; drove circus wag ons several seasons ; was long engaged in freighting for the goverment; worked as a lexas cow boy m Colorado: kept a board ing nouse in Kansas, etc. it is pretty cer tain that he was askillful and daringhorse thief. His career of crime is now certainly ended as if he had been hung. Written for theSundar Morning Bazoo. DISCONTENT. BY ROSA PEAKt.K. A wrary pilgrirnagfai bet Is we term ii lifts In cTfry tasje from youth to atr. We fiud vexaiiotisstriff. We iit'vf-r plan bin miehir Iv.f, TN lKt fruition sweet, Nor, do ever quite tahold Our pleasures intuit eouipleto. When children, rlimbin:; up tin; hill. We lonp to gjtheryroii The far-till tiowen. that xuutid and nil Within the glow of nimi. But when the year hav- lived and died. And all wo wih to clap. Has.Mipped the leash aud elir Inside Has left us free to gnop. We turn away with retlc? heart, 'Twj not :ts fancy told. The dowers, are but the hitter weed-, The uwn has lit its t;old. We waited all too lone. ala! Our joy loo Ion:; delayed. The hope of glad maturity, I broken and betrayed. And then, with vea:iu-vJ we pa Along the path before. And, out of sad reuiemnranee, ?h. OVr days that are no more. And so the evening drear and dark. With halting step and slow. Rep-al thfsad refrain long learned, Of aorrows here IhJow. And while the echoes of the past Are made a bidden jrutst. Yet aqe, with tired experience- prays, For death's eternal rel- SOCIETY NEWS. Any items of interest Miitable for this depart ment, "fnmi Sedalia or neighboring places, are re ipectflly solicited. We want a vivacious, active ind ehwery lady correspondent in all the neighbor ing towns'tributary to Sedalia. Address all such xonmuuications to liosa. i'earle, society repot ter. Bazoo office, Sedalia, Mo.l SEDALIA, What strange, new freaks are being con stantly advanced by those who cater to the tastes of the glittering retinue making up'the sum of society. A Xew York paper advertises "people who are able to sing, perform on musical instruments and re cite in the finest manner, at the sum of ten dollars per evening." Just think of it ! the nice little recitations, rippling waltzes, or wonderful paintings where the sea is ver-f very blue and the grass is greener than Mother Nature ever wrapped about her broad, brown bosom in all the term of her existence, and which cost a mint of money to learn are no more to be seen or heard when visitors pull the latch string, but, on the contn.ry, monsieur or madmoi selle, or siguor or signorita or any of the rest of the fraternity, are to be ordered and paid for the same as you would order wine, flowers, or any other luxury. No matter if their reputation be smutched or blackened; no matter if they take the "lay of the land" and give the information to a confederate who will put the knowl edge "into the burglarizing of your house. So that they have ability enough to pound the keys of a piano until they groan for mercy, or recite a piece from Hamlet in a voice deep enough to wake the seven sleepers, it is all right. Fashion has said so and tbe man or woman who can suc cessfully compete with such an all powerful edict had better be caononizeii at once. Mr. and Mrs. Emmet Philips are in the city. Mrs. C. C. Hadden is visiting friends at Rugby, Tennessee. Mrs. M. E. Donohoe visited friends in Lexington last week. Miss Sue Parberry visited friends in Lexington, last week. Miss Nellie Griffin, of Morey,is in this city visiting friends. Miss Clara Hayes, of Warsaw, is vis iting relatives in this city. Dr. D. Brown and wife, of Dresden were in this city yesterday. Miss Mollie Mason was in this city visiting friends yesterday. Miss Emma McVickers, of Iexingtoo, visited friends in this city last week. Misses M. Lester and Mary Dunnigan have gone to Warrensburg on a visit. Mrs. Wm. Owens and son, of Boon ville were in this city last Wednesday. Miss Tedie Sneed, of Danville, is vis iting relations in this city aud vicinity. Mr. and Mrs. Emmett Philips of Kan sas City, are visiting their relatives in this citv. Miss Josie Kelly aud Mrs. B. W. Rob- son, of Brownsville, were in the city last Friday. Mrs. Haverly and Mrs. White, of Green Ridge, visited friends in this city last week. Mrs. D. B. Beggs, of Denison, Texas? visited her sister, Mrs. C. Swartz, of this city, last week. Mrs. J. P. Gray, of this city, attended the closing exercises of the high school at Clinton, last week. 'Tis rumored that a prominent wid ower will take unto himself a wife on the 18th of July next. Col. John F. Philips and wife attended the commencement exercises of the college at Columbia last week. Miss Jennie Bell, of the historical little city of Georgetown, was in this city visiting friends last week. --Miss May Small left for Lexington Friday evening, where she will spend a month visiting with friends. Miss Frankie Miller, who is now visit ing friends in Warrensburg,will leave next week for her home in Cleveland, Ohio. Miss Anna, M. Allen, teacher of music in the Sedalia Seminary, will leave to morrow for her home in Beaver, Penn. Misses Julia, Jennie, Katie and Hat tie Miller, whd have been attending school at Columbia, have returned to their home in this city. Misses Theresa Goldsmith, Maggie Salmon, Nellie Garth and James Elliston graduated at tbis term of the Clinton high scoool. Miss Nannie Gentry, one of the most beautiful young ladies in this city, is visit ing her sister, Mrs. S. D. Morrison, at Denver, Colorado. Miss Hattie Portia, daughter of Judge T. J. Portie, of St. Louis, visited the fam ily of Dr. Jackson, corner of Lamine and Sixth streets, last week. Mrs. J. J. Frey, who has been here for sometime viiting her parents, accompanied by Mrs. .Senator Vest, returned to her injine iu St. Louis Thursday morning. Mrs. B. Loewenstien and children passed through this city, Friday, from a visit wlh friends in Illinois. They were en roite to their home in Warrensburg. Miss Ella Beck has returned from the Baptist college at Lexington to her home in this city. Miss Ella gives great prom ise as the musical genius of the future. Mrs. M. H. Rice, who has been visit ing the family of Mr. John G. Allen, left Friday for Boonville, whence, after a short visit, she will go to her home in Blooming ton, Illinois. In a report of the Sniith-Boggs wed- umg iat wees we omitten to mention a costlv and beautiful butter dish presented by Mrs. K. Lester aud Marjory, to the bride. Miss Sallie Potter, of her daughter, this citv, re- aeived an exquisitely beautiful bouquet composed of tube roses, cape jasmines and migiounette last Wednesday morning from a friend in Kansas City. Miss M. E. Clem m oris has arranged a fine programme for her concert next Tuesdav evenine. Little Miss Eva Kice will have a pretty song on the programme, j haying recovered from her recent illness. Mrs. Dora Pattison and her sisters, Misses Emma and Kittie Kidd, will leave next Thursday for Canton, Ohio, to visit their brother, E. R. Kidd, formerly a resi dent of tthis city. They will remain several weeks. Dr. G. Y. Salmon and daughters, Misses Fannie and Kate, passed through this city last Friday. The young ladies were en route to their home at Clinton from Lexington, where they have been attending school. Mr. John K. Tucker, who has been attending college at I iberty, accompanied by his sister. Miss Mamie, who has been at the Baptist college at Lexington, passed through the citv Friday morning on their J way to their home near Buncetou. Wallace, the jailbird who was found guilty of vagrancy and fined $10 yester day morning, afterwards received a stay of his line ami wis ordered to quit the city within ten minutes, which he immediately proceeded to do. The article sent to this office signed bv " Loreau " is respectfully declined : not because it lacks in merit, finish or technique but because she has forgotten to write on one side of the paper only, and it is im possible for the compositors to successfully interpret it. Miss Emma Ross, daughter of Mr. G C. Ross, of this city, was united in marriage to Mr. Geo. Flinjger, last Wednesday evening at the residence of F. E. Hoffman, in this city. Eld. Duncan performed the ceremony. The young couple IefL Thurs day morning for their future home in Osceola, Kansas. GRANDMA KULLMERS ENTERTAINMENT. "Grandma" Kullmer entertained the ladies who compose the sewing society of the M. E. church last Tuesday afternoon in a very pleasant manner. After social conversation, intermingled with the duties which had brought them together, "grand ma" invited them to partake of a nice little surprise in the shape of ice cream and delicately prepared cake. That the refreshments were fully enjoyed needed nothing more than the many expressions of thanks which were given to its instigator. Among those present were Mesdames Rev. O. M. Stewart, Rev. Jackson, Blanchard, Gallagher, Wallace, Clark, B. F. Nance, J. S. Landes,S. S. Slack, Rippey, Sturte vant, Haines, F.Sampson, Cain, Wyatt, Bevis, O. Green, Win. Inch, McLaughlin, S. C. Gold and Miss Delia Inch. A PLEASANT PARTY. One of the most pleasant and enjoyable parties of the season, took place on Mon day evening last, at the hospitable home of Miss Kate Wharton, where she enter tained the junior class of the Sedalia Seminary, together with the teachers of her class. The amiable hostess had left nothing undone to make the occasion one of great pleasure and enjoyment to her friends Among those who graced the event were: Misses Anna M. Allen, Lucy Newkirk, Lula Ford, Annie Richardson, Nellie Ingram and Messrs. E. C. Mason, Leroy Jones, W. White, R. C. Major and Prof. A. L. Birch field. An elegant supper was prepared, consisting of shrimp and oyester salad, cold chicken, tongue, Boston biscuits, oranges,whity:pce and fruitcakes, ice cream, strawberries etc. The table was beautifully adorned with natural flowers, and the whole presented a very attractive picture. The evening was whiled away in singing,instrumeutal music and games. When the parting hour came, each regretted to separate from the pleasures surrounding them, and it will be a source of fond reccollection to all who participated ENTERTAINMENT TO THE SENIORS AND JUNIORS. Last Friday evening, the senior and junior classes of the Sedalia Semiuary were tendered a reception at the residence of Prof. Ready, on Fifth street, which proved to be enjoyable in the minutest de tail. The time was spent with choice music, social conversation and games. Profesor and Mrs. Ready are very hos pitable entertainers and the refreshments they served to their guests were abundant and delicious, consisting of cakes, creams, strawberries, etc. While it is not pos- stole that the parting hour so soon to bring its ruthless ehiil upon the hearts of those present was entirely ignored, yet youth is like the glow of the morning which shines none the less brightly because of the coming night and merriment and pleasure reigned supreme. Those present were: Misses Annie Allen, Fenwick, Alice Chaney, Julia Stok, Lilly Bjiler, Lucy Reynolds, Effie Barrick, Kate Huffman. Hermie Chapman, Emma Crow lev, Nellie Ingram, Anna Richardson, Kate Wharton, Nellie Montgomery, Lucy New kirk, Lizzie Jones,fannie Hutchinson.and Messrs. Brown, Jones, Mason, Gray, Mc- Clure, Fowler, Goodknight, Durand, Lacey and Prof, Birchheld. Prof. Van Petten and wife were also present during the evening. A Fisher Caught. "On my last trip to the Stales," said Mr Arthur Fisher of this paper, "I caught z very ban cold which settled into a severe case of Rheumatism. I did not know wha to do for it, so I resolved to purchase bt. Jacobs Oil lor trial. Jlanny thouirht I began applyiug the Oil, and in two wtek was as well as ever. Toronto (Canada) ulobe. "GOOD BYE, For a Time Said the Merry Skaters, to the Park Rink, Friday Nijrht. Many a merry evening has been spent at Sichers' park rink, during the past winter aud spring, by those in Sedalia who are lovers of the most exhilerating of sports, skating; many a fall has been received upon the hard, unyielding hall floor, followed by the jubilant clapping of i hands and the rafter-shaking laugh ; many a sweet tete-a-tete has taken place between the beaux and belles; many a pleasant carriage ride home, 'neath the silvery light of Lima's smiles, has been enjoved ; but they are all over now, at least for a time ; "and, truly, those merry times will come no more, though their places may be filled, at the proper sason. with occa sions almost similar, if not as pleasant as those which have been swept back into the fathomless gulf of oblivion. The icy folds of winter have long since been unwrapped from the frigid earth, blustering March has come, tearful April has passed, May, clothed in her beauteous raiment ol flowers has passed slowly by us, and June with her rosy warmth has come; but the youth and beauty of Sedalia could not resist the temptation to take one more glide around the park rink hall, to the stirring music of the band, notwithstanding the warmth of the weather. On Friday evening last, the Sicher Bros, threw open the doors of the park rink for the last time this season, aud the elite of the city hied themselves thither to take advantage of the opportunity. There was a very large company in attendance by 8:30 o'clock and the "hall roared to the sound of scores of rapidly gliding feet. Some very graceful skating was executed, especially by "the ladies. A great improve ment was displayed in the skating, through out the hall, over that of the early part of the season. Some ladies, who could do noth thing more than lean on a geutleman's arm and walk timidly, fearfully and careluly around the hall, can now strike swiftly and gracefully out, ptizzlinsr their teachers to keep pace with them Among the most grace ful lady skaters w re noticed : Miss Eva Johnson, (who has won many prizes for graceful and swift skating during the past season), the Misses Gertie and Mabel Van Camp, Miss Aggie Stewart, Miss Ella Por ter, (who has also won prizes), Mrs. II. 11. Fleming and Mrs. S. L. Highleyman. Among the most graceful gentlemen skaters were noticed : Mayor Messerly and Messrs. Fred Guenther, T H. Kehoe, Jo seDh Black. Will Reynolds and Will K 0 " Thorpe. Mr. Thorpe scored the nrst notable tall of the evening ami received a grand ap plause, even to the encore, but the gentle man failed to respond. Mr. Thorpe is a very graceful skater and the fall was the result of an accidental tripping while he was skating backwards. At 9:30 o'clock the skaters were called , i r 1 I 1 o order oy Mr. oicner, wno announced hat the band would proceed to plav a march, during which all gentlemen not laving ladies were requested to remain on the floor. The band struck up and about twelve couples of the best skaters present elided from their seats and circled round o .... . he room, after which they executed a number of pretty and graceful manencevers. When the turn was done the remainder of the company again took the floor and ail went on promiscuously and merrily. The following is a partial list oi those present : Chris. Hye and wife, Miss Bunce of Bconville, Mrs. Highleyman, Mrs. Will Ilgenfiitz, Misses Bell, Aggie Stewart, Ella Kipp, Mollie O'Brien, Annie Simonds, r- . t jl -l tt r i "rt ivaie rauiuauer, juvu johusuu, Parker, Sallie Porter, Mabel Van Camp and Gertie Van Camp; Messrs. Babe Mills, James O'Brien, Arthur Maltby, Thos. Kehoe, Jeff. Conner, Will Rey nolds, Harry Black, Willis Norton, James Snedaker, Will Sprecher, Cliff Jackson and Will Porter. There were many others whose names the reporter did not ob tain. The skating continued until 10:30 o'clock, when the large and merry as&em- hlage repaired to their homes. For lame Back, Side or Chest use Shi For loh's Porous Plaster. Price 2o cents. sale by all druggists. Windsor's Wail. The following protest was sent to this office Friday. The writer is evidently a misanthorpe or has kidnevs, or thetgout,or else he is a diaphanous parallelogram with a celuloid heptagon cut bias to look like a ubmultiple of a duplicate ratio. Here s the wretch's wail : Windsor, Mo., June 2, 1882 Editor Bazoo : What crime has Windsor commited that Sedalia should feel so malicious towards her, and inflict so sore a punishment as he did last night ? should we again ot- fend the Queen City let her send us small pox, cholera, chinch bugs, lighten ing rod agents, write us up in the Bazoo, visit upon us a'l the plagues of -fccvpt, torture us in any way she may see fit, but keep her Wide Aake Dramtic association at home. We are a patient, long-suffering people, but the trodden worm will turn at last and should we be again made to bear last night's infliction, every man, woman and child in the burg would vote square against capital removal. "A word to the wise," etc., so no more as thou lovest me." Yours, Victim. Worth Remembering". Now that good times are again upon us, it is worth remembering that no one can enjoy the pleasantest surroundings if in bod health. There are hundreds of miser able people going about to-day with dis ordered stomach, liver or kidneys, when a bottle of Parker's Ginger's Tonic would do them more good than all the medicines they have ever ried. For Sale. A complete country printing office for sale cheap. It consists of Washington hand pnss, viordon joDDer, type, cases, stands, imposing stones, sticks and iyje in abundance. Address J. West Goodwin, 2-27dtf Sedalia, Mo. IT'S A GO." A Paper Published for the Peo ple Now on Earth. Testimonials From Some of 'Em. The Sedalia Bazoo is the only paper ots earth which leads in fun and fact for the: millions. S. S. Cox, M. C. The Bazoo is one of the few papers which never tells lies. Geo. A. Pendletoj, Cincinnati, O. I have concluded to buy the Bazoo. It would succeed under my man age meat in dealing with all the people on earth, impartially. Jay Gould. Young man, stand up, and keep looking, yu shall have plenty ov chances to git Thk Bazoo and read it and bekum a wise and good man. Josh Billings. One half of the troubles of this life can be traced to not reading the Sedalia Bazoo regularly. Lydia E. Pinkham. When I was a boy, my favorite paper was the Sedalia Bazoo. I point with pride to the fact that I am a happy man, and my children look like their father. John Crutchfield, Warrensburg, Mo. The first thing I do Sunday morning it to feel for my pocket-book, and the first thing my wife does is to look for the Sedalia" Bazoo. Ben Franklin. The Bazoo agreed to take ten cents oit the dollar for our indebtedness, and we have had hard work to satisfy it. It is a good paper to advertise in. This published in your columns would be esteemed a favor aud would be taken into consideration in. connection with future orders. Freshman Bros. Cincinnati. P. S cent. We have never paid the ten per F. & B. The Bazoo was one of the papers my husband always desired to see. He is where he can't read it now. He is not on earth. Mrs. Jesse James. As a medium through which to reach the people now on earth, the Bazoo has. few equals and no superiors. I have tried it and speak from experience. Dr. Benson. PIe:ise tell your mailing clerk to be a little more particular in writing my ad dress and give it in full as follows : "Ches ter Arthur, President, Washington, D. CJ I missed the number for May 28. Don't fail to forward it. Chster Arthur. Having returned to this earth from my little excursion after the pole, I hasten t renew my subscription to the paper pub lished for the people now on earth. Lieut. Dannehower. I have a warrant for your arrest on the charge of publishing a newsy, wide awake, paper. Officer Huntley, Barry Illinois. One blast from your Bazoo is worth tea thousand men. Can't you give me a lift on my congressional anticipation ? You will be remembered in garden seed time, and shall the people now on earth, for whom the Bazoo is exclusively published, add to your share, future generations will rise, up and call you blessed. J. Ed. Beach, Jefferson City, Mo. If I thought I could satisfy the people now on earth as president of the United States, as well as the Bazoo satisfies them, as a wide-awake and truthful journal, always tearless and abreast ot the times m which we live, I should Hot hesitate to become a candidate. As it is, I must con tinue to ponder over the matter. Sam Tilden. The greatest error of my life was not heeding the admonitions of the Bazoo and following the advice of papers published for the people of the past. Ruth. Hayes The BA300 is the very naughtiest but nicest paper in Missouri, and it would be impossible to tell when the "fashions" had changed were it not for its friendly in terest. "One of the Hen Convention." Yourlively and reliable paper was an especial favorite with the late lamented royal consort. It has been a great conso lation to me since his untimely departure. Enclosed find the subscription price for another vear. Please direct my paper as- heretofore "Windsor Castle, England." ictoria. WILL YOU SUFFER with Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint? Shiloh's Vitalizer is guaranteed to cure you. For sale bjr all druggists. Taken for a Minister. While at Schell City the other day, aw (Bazoo man, in company with Rev. Eld I dridge, of that city, went to the home o Rev. Reed, where he was introduced to Mrs. Snow, a well-known ladv. Mrs. Snow, who has for years been a correspon dent tor eastern papers, and a very viva cious ladv, received the Bazoo, man- in & grave and sedate manner, thinking he was ... , 1V T a minister, as ne was accompaiuea oy jKer. Eldridge and appeared somewhat mora sanctimonious than newspaper men gener ally. After some conversation Mrs. Snow re marked: "I suppose, sir, you will assist Rev. Eldridge in his services here on the Sabbath?" Rev. Eldridge, seeing the mistake into which the lady had fallen, explained that, the gentleman was not a minister, but a Bazoo reporter and solicitor. On learning this, the lady clapped her hands together and, indulging in a ringing laugh, re marked: "Well, I declare I This is the first instance known to me of & Bazoo man being taken for a minister of the gospel." An Expensive Convenience. Yesterday morning a boy distributing "Fireside Companions," in East Sedalia, was pondering in his mind how it would be possible to throw the papers into the own er's yards without their being, caught by the wind and falling short. A happy idea struck him. "He would put a stone in each paper, and thus give it sufficient weight." He proceeded to put the thought into execution but alas ! for the invention. The stone from one of ihe papers escaped and went crashing through a window, breaking two panes of glass Sorrowful and crestfallen the little fellow paid the fifty cents necessary to replace the glass.