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The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, February 05, 1884, Image 3

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"We aeet again in the meadow sweet ;
We meet when the Iolr, long years
Rzrz borne away on their laggard feet
tihid jouth with its smile.4 and tears.
We have chang'd, dear love, both jou and I,
Fioni that which we ufied to be,
And the idols of each all scattered lie
On the shrines where we bowed the knee
Hat forth again M us wander, dear.
An of old, handclasp'd in hand,
Wkere the flowers that bloom when autumn is here
Are all bright o'er the meadow-land.
Tke asters are blown on the browning .sod,
And over the open j.lairi
3jW r yellow sheet of the golden rod,
All starred with the dark vervain.
See ! the stars are lit in the sky, dear love ;
And the winds as they softly blow,
fiee a worldless pray'r to the God above
From the heart of the world below.
Let the past le dead, aye, evermore !
For the pr- sent alone is ours ;
Tnongh faded the garlands life's summer wore
We will gather its autumn flower.
Harry Hopemore.
Speaker Carlisle and His G-ranprer
Relatives "Spasm Carlisle
Should Become President."
Mr. W. A. .Berry, of Carrollton, was in
attendance yesterday at the meeting of
Managers of co-operative stores. He is
quite sanguine of the success of the new
He referred, iu conversation with a
Bazoo news collec or, to the encouraging
growth of Carrollton. That flourishing
town is about to build water works. The
place is growing right along. He sp ke
in terms of high praise of Capt. Turner,
editor of the Carrollton Record, who, he
said, was to be largely credited with the
steady progress of that city. The Record
he said was very popular and its owner and
editor highly esteemed.
The name of Sneaker Carlisle being
mentioned, Mr. Berry laughingly
paid that he was slightly related
to that gentleman. "My wife."
be aid, is a cousin of Ed. Metcalf, who
married Mr. Carlisle's sister." Mr. Met
calf is a larmer, and resides near Carroll
ton. Mr. Berry and the Bazoo pencil
xanian agreed in the belief that it was
not unlikely that Metcalf would be brother-in-law
to a president of the United
States some fine day. "Stranger things
have happened." There was no conclusion
reached as to what office Mr. Car
lisle, if he becomes president, will tender
to his granger brother-in-law, and to his
brother-in law's cousin's husband.
Mr. Berry spent a portion of last sum
mer in California, and his sojourn there
jeas a most pleasant one. He is a pleasing
talker, and proposes to talk ''The Co oper
ative Purchasing Association," to some
purpose before its next meeting at St.
A Gossipy Letter from the
Bazoo's Correspondent
at Cooper County's
In Which is Given All of the News
Current in the Vine-Clad
Spfna) Correspondence of the Jlnzoo.
Boonville, Jan. 31st.
.Miss Til lie Bergan, of Jefferson City,
has been visiting Mrs. H. M. Clark.
Miss Kate Fields, of Leavenworth,
Kansas, was the guest of the family of Mr.
John W. Petty last week.
Boonville's chess players are much in"
ierested in the Bazoo's chess column.
Your correspondent has heard it commend
ed quite frequently this week.
The young ladies of the Turner's so
ciety gave a leap year ball Tuesday night
at the Thespian Hall. There was a large
attendance of pretty girls, an elegant sup
per and good music. What more was need
id to make the boys enjoy themselves?
' How is it the Bazoo sells so mauy pa
pers here Sunday ?" asked the representa
tive of another Sedalia paper here, who wag
in town on a secret "wild goose" chase this
week. The reply came promptly: "Be
cause it has the most real enterprie and
publishes news that people want to read."
A Boonville young lady, interviewed
fey the Bazoo correspondent, says she won't
warry any of the eligible bachelors men
tioned in our lis' duri.ig 18S4 for fear that
jopIe will sav that the did the: proposing.
A statistical friend adds that that there are
always fewer marriages leap years ih'in on
any other. Perhaps the reason given by
the young lady is the cause of this.
Another speaker has been secured for
the T. P. C. lecture course. Prof.
1). R McAnnlly of Columbia on
"Words." Rev. Mr. Nesbitt of Sedalia,
who it hd been hoped will be secured,
writes that he fears it would be impossible
for him to come. Dr. King says he has
given up lecturing as it interferes with
Jsis professional engagements.
At a meeting of the city council one
eight this week the gift of Major Wm.
Hailey of eight acres of ground for a park
was accepted. The proposition to biiv thir
teen acres additional, was rejected, the vote,
standing, ayes, Mitchell and Meyers 2;
noes, Bell and Johnson 2 The matter
was laid over until more members were
present. Mr. Bell assigns as a reason for
not accepting the proposition, that the price
asked is too high.
There have been a large number of
rabbits killed in Cooper county this year,
and many funny incidents conneted there
with, but none funnier than the following
related by Joe Clark on himself Joe lives
on Sixth street, in this city, and having
seen a number of rabbit tracks in his back
yard, he ''would a hunting go " Procuring
a big horse pistol he approached to where
he thought he might secure a victim.
Sure enough, there the rabbit stood, "as
big as life." Joe approached as near as he
thought necessary and then fired. As the
smoke cleared away he noticed the rabbit
give a convulsive shudder
drop. Fearing that it was
dead, he rushed up, clubbed
and clubbed the rabbit. When
it up he found it was cold and had been
3ead for hours. He slipped away in dis
gust. The ssiae afternoon he saw rabbit
and then
not quite
his pistol,
he picked
tracks in the front yard and
"Bunnv" behind a lence nmmg. He re
peated the same maneuvers, fired, the rab
bit jumped and he whacked it over the
head. When he picked it up he found the
same rabbit he hud killed before. Just
about this time it dawned on Joe that he
was the victim of a huge joke, and he
quietly slipped away.
Several Residences Entered by
Burglars What; They Took
and What They Left
A. Simultaneous
Supplementary List of Bache
lors of the Vine Clad City
Matrimonial Bureau.
Lecture Course Local GoBBip
Pertinent Personalities
Timely Observtions.
There were no less than four residences
entered bv thieves iu the early hours of !
yesterday morning. Some one or more
thieves iu this city got their work in at
that time, and will probably lie low for a
time, until the present general interest felt
in burglars and their exploits has died
away, and until precautions uow taken by
nearly all will again give way to carels
ness. Then another raid of several
houses will likely occur. The city police
have now a liue opportunity to get in some
good work. Ky hunting to tin ir holes the
enterprising rascals who attended so strict
ly to business in the dark hours before
yesterday morning's dawn.
The residence of Judge E E.
Richardson is on the northeast
corner of Moniteau and Broadway. He
arose yesterday morning and missed his
pautaioons from near the head of his bed.
Further search showed his coat and vest
were also missing. He found the windows
were down and all the doors locked. Going
out doors he found his pantaloons lying
beneath the bed room window. The pock
ets had been turned inside out and his
pocket book, two pocket knives and a
bunch of keys were missing. Liter the
judge found his vest and coat in the yard,
and still later his pocket book and the two
knives, but failpd to find the keys Some
$5 in silver and a $5 bill had been taken
from the pocket book, but the generous
thief had left a $1 "wild ct" bill of North
Carolina, kept by Judge Richardson as a
The thief had made his entrance
to the bedroom through the bedroom
window, which was not fastened and
which lifts easily aud without noise. His
movements were so quiet and noiseless that
he got out of the room with his plunder
without waking anyone. He either did not
see through the open door a lot of fine sil
verware on the table of the dining room
adjoining, or if he did be did not care to
attempt to take any of it away with him.
at juixjk bray's.
Burglars entered the residence of Juiliie
Bray, who resides on Sixth street near
Washington avenue, Wednesday night, but
were scared away by the barking of a dog
before they succeeded in getting in their
work. Eutrance was etf'ected from the rear
of the house aud egress made from the
Correspond ence of the Bazoo.
Boonville, Jan. 28.
There has been considerable feeling that
the Bazoo's list of bachelors published re
cently was so incomplete, and at the re
quest of interest d parties, we herewith
present a supplementary one, which con
tains a few, though necessarily not all, of
our young men and old bachelors who may
be approached during the present leap
year. Anno Domini, 1SS4:
We are requested to speak a gocd word
for Frank Swap, the junior member of the
firm of Meredith & Swap, and do so with
pleasure Frank is bashful but beiuiiful
and is the "basso profundo" of the new min
strel troupe. What more would any sensi
ble girl want ?
Veit Eppstein, jr, the meek Main street
merchant, is on the matrimonial market.
"His face is his fortune."
The Sombart boys need no introduction.
George. Ch rlie, Frank, Robert and Hnry.
collectively or individually, are "daisies."
George Acton, the talented and talkative
young lawver, we have our doubts about.
He must be talked to mighty sweetly.
L. Westermau, the Spring street barber,
will bear watching. If he don't get mar
ried during leap year.it will be a close
Forsythe, the bright-eyed beauty
of Griffin's, is watching a good chance.
He don't need much coaxing.
A really fine article, warranted, is Calvin
Atkins, the meek aud modest clerk at
Howard's. Calvin will "catch on" in due
time, we have no fears.
Mennie Wettendorfi', the tall and stately
blonde, who dispenses pills for Dr. McClan
ahan, don't care much.
And here is an assorted lot, all sizes,
shapes and colors, cheap for cash :
Henry Katz, the cynic; Louis Williams,
the deputy sheiff; Harry Monroe, the
spirituelJe beauty ; Martin Haller, the
printer, and Willard Elder, the incorrigible
old bachelor.
True V. Kickox, rich, rare, radiant,
racy and rosy, i? a prize worth considera
ble. No ex ra charge for this free adver
tising. Leopold Walz was reported married
onoe. hut it was a mistake. Don't let it
happen again, Leopold.
Now that the Bazoo has established a
free matrimonial bureau, we hope to see it
well patronized. We already have heard
very favorable leports of the first, adver
tisements and expect the same of the ones
given to-day. One young fellow writes-
"You are a daisy. You will need vottr
, club and pops, if vou don't look out. Be
Infanticide at Appleton City.
8pecia) to the Bazoo.
Appleton City, Jan. 29.
Considerable excitement was created here
yesterday by the report that the lifeless
body of an infant had been found in a hay
rick a 5hort distance from the city, where
it had been hidden.
Immediately after the report reached the
city, a large concourse of citizen r paired
to the spot where the corpse r. rh- infant
had been discovered and up" imesticra
tion it was found to be a sti m child,
wrapped in an old apron and red with
straw. After many wise sp n. ions as to
how it came there,it was pin- a wooden
box and brought in the city
where proper attention could be given it.
The opinion of Mr. Hall, a retired physi
cian, is that the body had been lying there
for a week or more, and was exposed to the
recent bitter cold weather. This is prob
ably true, for the little waif was frozen
uutil it could hardly be recognized as a hu
man being. Where the mother is no one
knows, and what motive prompted such a
wretched disposal of the babe no one can
Another Grist of Sediments
from the "Troubled Wa
ters" of Eldorado.
Attempted Suicide Bad Hash
Houses Bottomless Boads
Shocked at Tom Pame's
No Medicine Stands Higher Than
Marsh's Golden Balsam.
"One year ago I caught a severe Cold
which settled on my Lungs. I tried manv
remedies without getting relief, until I
used your Golden Balsam I am no
well, having used only two bottles J con
sider it a gift from heaven " Mrs. .lames
Luce, Omaha, Neb.
"For Consumption of the Lungs, I know
of no medicine thai stands higher than
Marsh's Goldex Balsam. It will cure
where cures are possible." H. L. Smith.
Fort Scott, Kansas.
'Not one of the thousands who have
used Marsh's Golden Balsam in this
city has ever made a complaint that it did
not do all claimed for it." Kansas City
Marsh's Golden Balsam, the famous
Throat and Lung mediciue, and M arsh'
Golden Blood and Liver Tonic, the
great alterative and cholagoge, are for sale
at Thos. J. Fletcher's, Sedalia, Mo.
Large bottles 50 cents and Si.
Correspondence of the Razoo.
Eldorado Springs, Mo,. Jan
Eldorado is fast taking the front rank
for sensations. The denizens of this
"burg" were thrown into another tit of ex
citement, to-day by the attempt of Mrs.
K. N. Barrister, wife of R. N. Barrister,
I attorney at law of this place, to commit
f suicide by takinp a large dose of poison.
Physicians were promptly summoned, how
ever, and administered antidotes and she is
now out of danger. Mrs. Barrister is the
daughter of Mr. Gentry, one of our best
citizens, and was married to Barrister about
eighteen months ago. Her family was
verv much opposed to the match, which re
sulted in an elopement. Their marriage
relations were pleasant for a while, but of
late they have been very disagreeable,
which resulted in a separation about a
week ago, and it is supposed her grief
I oyer their separation has unbalanced her
I mind, and caused her to attempt the nun
I act. They have one child about nine
months old.
! There is no doubt that the springs here
I score
"Give the Young- Men a Chance"
How to Make the First
Favorable Break.
c 1 rwift trt irai Ilia r-i ti unn tlct
frnnl tinny I ho niMinlmrc nf tnp J:lTrillv ! - . - .
..v.... - , ;v wur conscience is cast-iron aim we war a
night maruders in the house.
at conductor
Mr. F. Lippard, :t conductor on
were not aware of the presence of the mid- eoal.of mai, so ' fears QU thal
dear boy.
lecture course.
The T. P. C, an organization of Boon
ville's young men for mutual self improve
ment and self culture, have gotten up a
lecture course the proceeds of which are to
be devoted towards maintaining their
reading room. Prof. J. S. Plackweli, of
south end of the K. & T. roml. liye.s at No.
409 Seventh street. He came in on a trip
Wednesday evening, reached home at 11
o'clock, aud retired about, midnight,
leaving his clothes iu the dining room ad
joining the bed room. A little after C
o'clock yesterday morning Mrs. Lippard
was wakened hj a noise of some kind, she
didn't know what. She arose, looked
about, and finding everything quiet again,
laid down. Teu minutes later she heard
the curtains of the bed room window rustle.
Stic again arose and put down the window
which had been left partially raised Then
she went into the dining room, found Mr.
Lippard's clothing had been taken away,
and proceeding to the kitchen found the
window of that room raised. She then
aroused Mr. Lippard, who proceeded
to investigate matters. lie found his pan
taloons near the front gate, and his other
clothing near by. From his clothing had
been taken a silver watch aud gold chain,
amounting to between $75 and $100.
The thief had made his entrance and
exit through the kitchen window. Mrs.
Neely, living next door, had seen the af
ternoon previous, a man in the alley look
ing over the fence at Mr. Lippard's house.
He was no doubt the thief reconnoiteriug
the situation, and laying his plans tor a
night sortie.
Mrs. Hawkins residence is at th north
west corner of Broaiiway and Vermont,
but one block distant from Judge Richard
son's house She reports tint a thief en
tered her residence some time after mid
night Wednesday. The bureau drawers were
rummaged, and a general inspection made
ot different rooms. No money was found by
the visitor and he took French leave in the
silence and darkness, taking no plunder
from the house with him.
It will be well for all to barricade against
further midnight invasions. A dose of hot
shot, applied judiciously and timely to any
such invader, would not be without good
A Special Invitation.
We especially invite a trial by all those
sufferers from Kidney and Liver com
plaints who have failed to obtain relief
from other remedies and from doctors.
Natures great remedy, Kidnty-Wort, has
effected cures in many obstinate cases. It
acts at once on the Kidneys, Liver aud
Bowels, cleansing the system of all poison
ous humors and restoring a healthy con
dition of those important organs. Do not
be discouraged, but try iu
Malaria positively cured with Emory's
Standard cure pills, a never failing reme
dy ; purely vegetable, contains no quinine;
sugar coated.
It is a Positive Luxury
to brush the teeth with SOZODONT, so
fragrant and refreshing is it, and so pleas
ant is the taste it leaves in the month after
the operation. Then how gratifying is the
effect and how complacent feels the be
holder who views in the glass a row of
ivories rendered spotless by this benign and
delightful toilet article. Only a few drops
on the brush, a rag or a sponge is needed
for an ablution and jet it U wondrously
Columbia, lectures on the 9th of Februarv.
Subject, "Chaldaic Tablets." Bev. H. G.
Jackson, of Sedalia, lectures on "South
America" on the 15th, of February. The
following week, Bev. Dr. C. C. Woods, of
Kansas City, will lecture on "The Women
of Dicken " Others will be announced
hereafter. This is a worthy object and
should meet with abundaut encourage
ment. The admission will be only 25
Mr. Matthew Gaunt is reported danger
ously ill.
Miss Minnie Sheriff, of Moniteau
county is visiting friends near Boonville.
W. H. Morris has purchased the resi
dence of the late Judge Smith on Third
Mrs. W. M. Williams who has been
visiting relatives in 'Sedalia, returned
home to-day.
Miss Mattie Kennedy, of Sedalia, who
has been visiting in Boonville, has re
turned home.
Thprr is tn bp a f.pnn Vpnr hull nl thf
j Thespian hall next Tuesday night, given
by the young ladies ot the B. 1. A: G. .
Elmer Koontz, of Holden was in town
to day. He made a bee-line for Prairie
home where the scenery is most mag
Miss May Vogeler, of Sedalia, who has
been the guest of Miss Mary Bernard in
our city for some time, returned home
Bobert Scott and Jim Bobb killed one
hundred and eleven rabbits and twelve
buails out on Lone Elm prairie, Jast
Wednesday, in three hours. Briug on your
nimrods and see who cau beat the record.
It is a sure cure. I have been troubled
with catarrh deafness for seven or eight
years with a roaring noise in my he.d. I
bought medicine in 13 states but nothing
helped me till 1 procured a bottle of Ely's
Cream Balm. In four days I could hear as
well as ever. I am cured of the catarrh as
well. I consider Ely's Cream Balm the
best medicine eyer made. Garrett Widrick
Hastings, New York.
A cure at last for catarrh. The evi
dence is overwhelming that Ely's Cream
Balm goes more directly than any other to
the seal of ihe disease, and has resulted in
more cures than all other remedies.
Wilkesbarre, Pa . Union Leader. Not a
liquid or snuff, see adv't.
I have been a sufferer for years with
catarrh, and under a physician's treatment
for over a year. Ely's Cream Balm gaye
me immediate relief. I believe 1 am en
tirely cured. G. S. Davis, First National
bank, Elizabeth. N. J.
The Tipton Times of yesterday contained
the following glowing but just and appre
ciative mention of a young man who is
best liked where he is best known. The
Times says:
Mr. R T. Gentry of Sedalia is to be con
gratulated upon the numerous and merited
comments from the pre-s in all parts of the
slate regarding his eligibility to the office
of state treasurer. Thes encomiums,
though apparently Ihttering, are iu reality
naught but the gentleman's just and ra
tional deserts. Mr. Gentry is a man who has
always been royal to the democratic party.
He has held positions of trust and honor
and has acquitted himself to the credit of
himself and his friends. His social and
political career marks him as one of the
bright particular stars of the tate, aud
one of the coming men of the future. His
commercial training and business experi
ence have rendered him an able financier
and an accurate manager. Rejoicing in
the prime and vigor of youthful manhood,
the soul of honor and integrity, we know
of none whom we might more safely
entrust with the financial affairs ot the
commonwealth. The time has come when
the claims of the young men for advance
ment are paramount to all others. Give
the young men a chance, and make the
first favorable break by nominating K. T.
Gentry as candidate of the democratic
party for the office ol treasurer of the
grand old state of Missouri.
qualities, as
ot people irom all
parts of the country testily
to benefits received therefrom. There is
one thing, however, the place lacks and
that is a fine hotel, and until there is one
built here they can never expect the place
to be much of a resort for health or pleasure
seekers. The hotel accommodations are
I miserable and many who come here to stay
' for a season leave in two or three days.
A fire in Clintonville, three miles from
j here, last night, destroyed Smith's general
! merchandise store and two or three other
! buildings. The fire was caused by an in
cendiary. Smith was insured. The other
is a total loss. No clue to the perpe
trators. The mud on the stage lines toSchell City
and Walker, is getting almost bottomless,
aud it is feared if it gets much worse
travel wiil be stopped.
A dance at Taborville, Friday night,
broke up in a row, which resulted in two
meu, whose names were not learned, being
badly stabbed.
A tall, rough looking man has been lec
turing here for two or three days, explain
ing the Bible ami pointing out the mis
takes of the various churches. Last night
while lecturing he rfierred to the attack on
the bible by Tom Paine, and during his
discourse, remarked : "There may be soaae
of my large and intelligent audience who
may have heard Tom Paine lecture," and
was much shocked when one of the gentle
men present arose and said that Paine had
been de;id over ninety years, and acknowl
edged his ignorance of his death. He is
supposed to be the same man, who, a few
days ago, took some slaves down from the
mountains of Tennessee to sell,not knowing
the war was over and slaves had been set
free. "Lux."
Dr. Frazier's Root Bitters.
Frazier'rf Boot Bitters are not a dram
shop beverage, but are strictly medicinal
in every sense. They act strongly upon
the Liver and Kidneys, keep the bowels
open and regular, make the weak strong,
heal the lungs, build up the nerves and
cleanse the blood and system of every im
purity. Sold by R. B. Hostettler. $1 00.
Crowder's Complaint.
John Crowder yesterday appeared before
Justice Rifle, and had a warrant served on
V. Paul us, a grocer on Oage street, to re
cover a mare from Paulus which belongs
.o the plaintiff The case will be heard
Saturday, Feb. 0th.
Paulus claims that Crowder has owed
him for some time $"G for groceries. Not
long ago Paalus hired a colored man to
buy from Crowder a mare owned by him.
The price of the mare was 'o'O. and the
man took the animal, promising to return
next day with the payi The m jre was de
livered to Paulus, who sent a receipt lor
the grocery bill of $76, in payment for the
nag. Crowder decidedly objected to this
"new way of settling old debts' and has
brought suit to regain possession of the
.Large Sale of Hogs.
N. H. Gentry yesterday sold nine Berk
shire hogs aggregating $900. Pettis county
is fast getting to the front, and none are
doing more to bring Central Missouri into
notice in the way of fine stock than Mr.
Ruin Wrought in the Forest.
How depressing it is to see acres of trees
cut down in the midst of a noble forest.
How saddening it is also to see that thin
spot in the midst of your otherwise abun
dant hair. Stop it at once by the use of
Parker's Hair Balsam. For actual effi
ciency this fameiis article stands at the
head of its class. Elegant for the toilet,
delicious in odor, and restores the original
color to gray or faded hair. Economical,
as a slight, occasional application keeps
the hair and scalp in perfect order.
Jewelry, Jewelry,
At cost for cash.
Watches, Watches,
At cost for cash.
Clocks, Clocks,
At cost for cash.
Silverware, Silverware.
At cost for cash.
John S. Landes, who has been in the
jewelry business in Sedalia for fifteen
years, is selling out at cost. Bazoo build
ing, 209 Ohio street. ll-20wtf.
Graphic Sketch of the Growth and
.Decay of the Average After
noon Newspaper.
Texas liftings.
It has been said that out of every five
newspapers started not more than one lives
to celebrate its second anniversary. Of all
the short-lived newspapers the evening
paper, published in small towns, is the
shortest lived. It usually comes into the
world with a good deal of noise aud tri
umphant blowing of horns, and leaves it
unwept and unsung except by its credi
tors. During its brief career it passes
through many vicissitudes; it is afflicted
with all the maladies incidental to infant
journalism, and the chances are against its
reaching maturity. It suffers from slug
gish circulation and financial chills, and
not infrequently it succumbs under the
Herculean task of trying to keep the wolf
and the sheritt irom the door.
The evening paper is invariably started
by four impecunious printers, who know
as much about running the business end of
a newpaner as the pilot of a canal boat
knows of navigation. Thev rent a lot of
obi type and a pres-s that a man has had in
a back r u-m among old rubbish, rust aud
cobwebs. The mn has a mortgage on the
printing material, but although a mort
gage is a natural adjunct of all newspaper
offices, the printers refuse to rent it. They
rent the tvpe and press for $5 a week. A
i large edition ot the first issue is sold. Tne
I editorial force have thrown their whole
sou for sou lc) into a salutatory, the sub
stance o which is that "We shall defend
and uphold the right and oppose and c m
demn the wrong; will be nntrammeied iu
politics, uncontrolled by any ring or
clique, and alwavs found advocating what
may be for the btst interests of the people,"
et, etc The great sale of the first i-sue
fiiU the publishers with sanguine hopts ol
success, and the saloon man on the corner
tills them with beer in con-it'ortion of a
prospective double-leaded brevier notice in
which he will be referred to as "our public
spirited fellow-townsman than whom there
is not, etc. .bor the first week the paper is
very spicy and bright. Jt bristles with
such paragraphs as "If the red-headed
man wholivesnot a hundred miles from the
corner of Twelfth street and Magnolia ave
nue doesn't cease beating his mother-in-law
we shall be compelled to say something
about him."
There is a great deal of personality in
the paper, and it looks so much like a'suc
cess that the proprietors recklessly begin to
wear clean shirts, and they order four mas
sive spittons for office use. About the end
of the first week the pnblic are thrilled by
the following announcement at the head of
the editorial page :
We wara the public against paying any money
for subscriptions, or advertisements to John O.
Jones, formerly connected with the management
ot tliis journal. Jones nas proved himself un
worthy of confidence. He is a viper that we took
te our bosom and who ungratefully robbed the con
cern of Si 1.75.
The Evening w ewaFcblishing Co,
The loss of the $11,75 seriously endan-,
gers the life of the publishing company.
Jones publishes a card in the morning pa
per in which he denounces that he has
been slandered ; that the other stock-holders
in the News Publishing Co., are black
hearted villains who have robbed him of
money and conspired to ruin his good name
in a community where he has lived, for,
etc., etc. Then Jones goes over to the Even
ing News office and almost pounds the life
out of the managing editor, with the wood
en mallet. This gives new life to the
paper, and the sensational descriptions of
the murderous assault, boom the circula
tion way up and averts the financial dis
aster that the $11.75 loss had almost
brought about.
Next week there is another financial
crisis. The combined resources of the es
tablishment are not equal to the raising of
the weekly $5 necessary to appease the ra
pacitv of the man who has the mortgage on
the type. This crisis is haply passed by
taking into the concern another partner
with a capital of $18 in cash and 31 meal
tickets on a 25 cent restaurant.
The board of aldermen are next attacked
and accused of conniving at all sorts of
johs by which the taxpayers are robbed.
The circulation how runs np twenty de
grees above freezing out p int. A saloon
keeper who aspires to be an aldermau next
term gives the News Publishing company
an advertisement, and unlimited credit.
The prospects of the paper are now bright,
indeed, aud prosperity and affluence seem
to threaten the concern until Alderman
Duffy, with blood in his eye and a club in
his hand, calls at the office, blackens the
president's eye, rubs the contents of a can
of ink iuto the vice president's hair, jams
the secretary under the imposing stone,
pours a quart of lye down the back of his
neck, and kicks the inside forms into ,pi."
The paper comes out that evening a half
sheet, and the president publishes a card
next day in which he states that from that
date his connection with the paper cease?,
and he will not be responsible for any
debts contracted by other scoundrels who
claim to own the paper, and who, he says,
have systematically robbed him since the
first day he was associated with them.
The Publishing company is reorganized
Two of the original founders retire taking
for their share in the business a patent
straw cutter and a box of soap that had
been received in payment for advertise
ments. Next a dry goods merchant pots the pa
per on a firm financial bHsis. The dry goods
merchant has a brother-in-law whom he
wants the people to elect to the responsible
position of hide inspector. He wants an
Archimedian lever to move public opin
ion, and he therefore pays $50 for a con
trolling interest in the Evening News.
The News now becomes the "unbiased,
unbribed. and unbought organ of the
working man," and to the working man,
through its editorial columns, is demon
strated the fact that the reduction of the
price of breadstuff's, the suppression of vice,
the prosperity of the country, and the
peace of Europe, Asia, Africa, and Ocean
ica depend on the working men rallying
around the polls and electing the dry
goods merchant's brother-in-law to the of
fice of hide inspector.
The brother-in-law is defeated at the
polls, the dry goods merchant refuses to
avert another impending financial catastro
phe by advancing more wealth, the News
goes over to the grat majority, and the
man who owned the type carries it back to
the store room, piles the old mortgage np
on top of it again and leaves it there among
the old rubbish and cobwebs until, after
several months have elapsed, some more
impecunious printers feel that they are
called on to fill a long felt want with an
evening paper, and the mortgage is pulled
down, the type rented again, and history
repeats itself.
Horsford's Acid Phosphate
Nervous Diseases.
Dr. Henry, of Ne.w York, says : "In
nervous diseases, J know of no preparation,
to equal it."
Messrs. Griffin Bros, shipped their cat
tle yesterday.
J. R. Smith wonders what his girl sent
him a fine comb for.
Mr. George Rudy is happy; he re
ceived a letter from her this week..
Twenty-five cases of eggs were shipped
from this place during the past week.
Our young friend Mose Hogan is buy
ing hogs for Carpenter & Knox of this
Tavlor & Albers shipped two cars of
hogs from Nora, in Benton county, this
Steps are being taken by our good cit
izens to obtain a circulating library of
standard books. Wkope they will suc
ceed. Our friend Everett Carpenter has
found a ''bonanza" on his farm in the shape
of a coal bed. It proves to be of good qual
ity. Rev.Dorsev has purchased a fine match
ed team of ponies. Mr: Will Combs has
undertaken the job of subjugating their
untamed natures.
What is that young man going to do
with that letter he received a few days
ago, which was sent to him by mistake by
a young lady, instead of going to her lady
friend to who she had written it?
Our postmaster, Mr. J. A. Blandon, is
seeking relief from his duties in the quiet
ude of of his home in Sedalia, being very
unwell for the past two weeks. Mr. A. B.
Cook is in charge of the department in his
H. Fehr
Is manufacturing wagons at Geo. Scheer's
old stand on St. Louis street, and has on
hand several which Mr. Scheer ironed. Mr.
Fehr has a first-class repair shop tor bug
gi, wagons, &c, and will sell his wagons
at low pricas and warrant them as good as
atlf ever made or sold in the city.
12-25-w 6m .
Perfect Sight.
As thousands can testify, there is noin
ing so much to be desired -as perfect sight,
and perfect sight can only be obtained by
using perfect spectacles. C, G. Taylor, our
home optician, exercises great skill and pa
tience in fitting those needing spectacles
with care and comlort to the wetm.

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