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The Smart Set A Magazine of Cleverness Magaflaea should have a wel'-ilffl-ied purpose. Genuine entertainment, arnusem m and mental recreation are the motives of The Smart Set, the MOST SUCCESSFUL OF MAGAZINES Its N"Vi-'s(i complete one in neh number) are by the most brilliant authors of both hemispheres Its Short Stories are ma hless c ean and fu 1 of human interest. lis Poetry covering pathos, love, humor, tenderness, is by the most popular poets, men and women, ot th day Its J ikes, Witticisms. Sketchs, etc, are admittedly the nost mirtb-provoklng. 60 PACES DELIGHTFUL READING No pat;es are wasted on cheap illustrations, editorial va porins or wt;irying essays and idle discussions. Ever) page will interest, charm ;md refresh you. Subscribe row $2 50 per year. Kerait in cheque, P. O. or Express order or registered letter to THE SMART ' SET, 452 Fifth Avenue. New York. N. B. SAMPLE COPIES SENT FREE ON APPLICATION 1 Hri D LMOCRAT ! Throwing a Sop. W.J. ROUS I., Kditor. K. r HIXSON, City Kditor. ikrms $1.00 PEK YfcAK Sntert-u atthe puat office at Monroe City, at second-clash matter. Ho. FELEPHNOE NO. j OFFICE I RESIDENCE 14 158 THURSDAY. MAY 19, 1904 IWANTARIDE! By James J. Montague. The Democratic rxce horse, fi t In wind and limb, champed at his bit. When up bobbed little Davy Hill, A wailed this plea in accents shrill: 'Iwantaride!" "Of coarse, they've ruled me off the track, But here's where little Dave gets back! Put Parker up; I'll be resigned If you'll let me hang on behind, Lv.inturide!" Then forth from oui tne pad dock came A joc kjy great of girth and fame; 'Hold on!" roared he; "too long I've stood Iu meek, tuocuous desuetude, "Iwautarlde!" "I quit the party once, I know But then, you see, it had no show ; I'll hang to Parker, Hill can steer, But dou't leave poor oid Grover here iwautaride!'' Then August Belmont chirruped When The suoway's done, in 11)10, I'll need this nag to do some tricks In subterranean politics, "Iwantaride!" "Iwantaride a lot," said be, "And take the trusts along with me, TheG. O. P. comes at our call, But even he won't hold us all Iwantaride!" When I was in politics out in Iowa," said Secretary Shaw, "I had some difficulty in decid ing on a county ticket. I met a Swede who is a big farmer in my district and talked to him about the candidates. ' 'Olaf,' I asked, whom do you think we should nominate lor county judge?' ' I tank Ole Olsen ben goot man.' he said. " 'And for district attorney?' " "Yon Yonson.' ' 'And for county treasurer?' " Neils Peterson." " And for sheriff?' " 'I tank James Smith " 'But, Olaf,' I protested 'you have named a Swede for every other position, why not a Swede for sheriff?' " 'O, we must do something to catch the Yankee vote.' Phil adelphia Posi. Figs and Thistles. Some Troubles. (- M m a a aum oi Atric s dusky sons and daughters have been py ing little beed to the niceties of Ctvilii aion aud on the whole sporting where clothing isneed ed as they would in the jungle.-. where the fig leaf is dispensed with. Hence the Marsha), J. W Stephens, took a tramp Thurs day night where the primroses border the path ot life, aud roped in Jim Wood and Eva Gibson for living together with out the formality of marriage. His Honor said 8 5(J. i It was paid. Then Henry Allen and Miss Jessie Holmes appeared under the same charge and his Honor said the same thing to them. It was paid. And then, hello, there was a slight, very slight change in complexion of things, but avast difference in dollars. it wasi the "red transom district" aud Maggie Gibbons and ,Fraakie! Draper the culprits. His Honor said $200 to them and gave them hours to leave the city never return. We understand tbat some frolicking will be broken up if it bankrupts Africa and fills the jail. It was not the offense so much as the brazenness that brought things to a focus. J A Bixler has a thoroughbred Jersey male. $1.00 service fee. Jolly George Moessner, of tht Saccha.ine village, was a busi ness visitor in tbe Qaeen of the Prairies Friday. Raifroad Time Tables. luiiingtun Route. Ml Trmint nally Mmoept a mtmrmlti Hot4. Tratit No. MONROE CITY TRAIN 8K.WICR. fitly Arrive. II ... 54... 8 .. 8... 16 M 6 4... UOING WEST. For Kansas otkr, 8t. Joseph Omaha Nebraaka, Colorado, PacieOot, from 8t. Loaf end Hannibal. The Burltnrtora-Northern Pact fir Expreaa for Worth weat NebreakV Klaok ITIIla, Wyoming, Montana, Waaulngtoai Paget Bound, Port- f or Kanaaa City, SH Joe, Kanaaa and west from rrhlcago and QaincT Uecal Passenger to Wlaaonrt Rtver'aad west, fromrcae .; ,.. Nebraaka, Oolorasm Eapresa. to St -Joseph and west from the east Way Preltht....... GOING KA8T. TO Hannibal. 81 Koala and eaat from weat ToQnlncy.Chloagpi Peoria and eaat Bt. L K. A N, W i.ooai rasaenger tor it ennlbal and Bt. Txmls. V fMngerfor Castney, Peoria Chicago. St. L, H. a N. W. point . .'. Local Paasenjcer to Hannibal. St. Loia Illinois, OKtoato, Peoria, 8L L. K n. w. poind Way Freight ""."!!". S. I I.TOH, Ageat. 1:90 1:01 p a il m 8.51 a- ar 6 I4r a 10:loa m 3:14 a m 240nn . a m f.19 a a 2:22 p m 1:86 p m Missouri, Kansas & Texas. Ko n TRAINS aoOTR. Paaaeager Flyer.. ... I 3:2? a m No ARcommodatlen 11:88 a a Buffalo to Kansas CPfty Flyerl 4:45 p a Tit a inn Hoara. 51 Loon Freight ... 24 Passenger Flrer. 12:48 a a " Pasaecger 2:87 p m Kansas. CI tr to Buffalo- Fiver.. 10:4 p m 52 Local Freight J. P. BLAKEY, Agent. 8 :15 a-1 5:5a x a Wabash at Moberiy, Mo. No. 10 1 6 l No 21 TRAINS BAST. Bt. Louia Aooom St Parol St Louie K. 0. A. St, L Kaatern Expreaa .. Han and Express-........ K fttiHEH CMv Annum. Mist, L, AH. C We tern Kxoreaa 5.58a m No. 8 10:05 a a 4 1:50 p m 14 2:05 p a 64 9:80 pa 70 trains west. 6:25 a m No. 2: IS pro 1 1:18 pa 7 71 Buffalo Mall via Han.) . Atlanta Expreaa. Omaha Ex proud Local Freight Local Freight Faat Mall Omaha Expreaa. rastne axproes. Local Freight ... DBS-MOINES A OTTUM W A BRANCH. rmaiwa nobtk. Western Expreaa. 7' I Local Freight, 1-40 a 2:05 p a 7:00 p a TRAIN! BOOTH. No- 4 Atlantic Exp 2 Kaatern Expreaa 70 1 Local Freight, 20 84 Paul Rxp 9t 0 p a 1:50 a a 2: 1 i a m 5:80 p Be 5:00 a a 4)20 p m. t:30 p m 8:00 a a 8:15 a a BELLE JOHNSON, Photographer. mat Puni.ltrp 6:20 pa H. K. WATTS, Pass, and Ticket Agb 2:25 a a 1:05 p a 4 45 p m 9:65 a. in W. B. A. McNUTT, M. D. Office over Wood'a Drag Store. Residence Phone 29. No One View. Democrats in the state Tbe steed bewailed his luckless fate And cantered sadly to the gate, And as he left them standing there, A mournful chorus smote the air: r - J at'C3 "Wewdntaride!'' What God demands is as noth ing to what He deserves. It is a good deal easier to drop into a rut than to rise out of it. Many people can criticize the number who can create is much smaller. The man who thinks he U drifting at pleasure is really driven by passion. Better a bare board with the blessing of God than His curse on a full one. God is never afraid of putting a lifetime of training into an hour's service How can the city smell sweet so long as tue saloon sewer stands wide open? Men who make a business of religion are not likely to make a religion of business. There is no merit in making the devil go to church when you take linn in your heart. To have the courage of our captain is better than the cour age of convictions. The man who is always ready to taper off always wears a rud dy taper on his nose. The man In the mirror is the one most completely deceived by the mark of hypocrisy. Destructive criticism withers wherever the light of the cross shines on the pages of the world. From the Ram's Horn r. R. B. KIDD, AUCTIONEEU. Monroe City, Missouri. Satisfaction Guaranteed T. M. BUCKMAN. AUCTIONEER. a nwuAKl r.ITY. MO. need feel -sore" over the nomi- g , attended anywhere. Sat nation of Folk for governor isfaction guaranteed. Give me ... i . i which is almost a dead certain- a trial I ... . C , tv. hecause his nomination will Headquarters at turner a,.uK j i be made by the people, the highest source of authority in a republic. As long as people be lieve in majority rule there can be no ground for a kick from any man who has been a friend to Keed. The people, the com mon people, if you please, and not the politicians, have said in no uncertain tones that they want Folk for governor and they are going to have him and no man has a right to kick or sulk. Monroe County Appeal, 5-i;i-'04. A. W. ELY, M.. D. Office Ely's Private Hospital Phone 15. Monroe City, Mo BANNER TELEPHONE. CO Try our lines for all, points In Monroe county. Reasonable Rates. S. T. POLLARD, Manage- Farmers & Merchants Bank. Do a general banking biiHiueaa, buy and aell Exchange. Accounts of Farmers and Merchants and others solicited. Absoluts securitytguarauteed todepoNltors, W-. K . Yates, Pres. W. R. P Jackson Cashier, J. R. DAWSON, D. V. S. VETERINARY SURGEON. Graduate of Western Veterinary College, Kansas City, Mo. Office over P. O. Dentistry a specialty TEL. 54. MONROE CITY, MO. H. A. Kincaid has decided to try the news while warm, there fore the Democrat is a regular visitor. There is a fountain filled with bloodle, drawn from Houser, Turner, Frank, Stephens and Steuver's veins; we Anti-Folk sinners may plunge beneath tbat flood and lose all our guil ty stains. Sing, brethren. H uitsville Herald. A FAITHFUL WIFK. Through the entire civil war General.,Gordon's wife accom panied him, never leaving his side, save when the exigencies of campaign mi.de her presence impossible. Tj the faithful de votion of his wife General Gor don owed his life. In the bloody battle of Sharpsburg, Gordon, while in the midst of the carn age, was shot five times. As soon as he fell his wife rushed to his side and carried him ta safety, staunching the flow of blood and attending his wounds until medical aid could be pro cured, She remained with him in the hospital until be had re- covered, and when General Gordon went back to join his command, Mrs. Fannie Haral son Gordon followed ber bus band. W. T. YOUELL They say war is hell, and maybe it is. but to be run over by a boodle band wagon with a fake driver doesn't make a fel low feel like be is in paradise one bit. Huntsville Herald. 1?. S. TURNER, M. D. Physician. Snrsjsjou and Accaucher. Makes a specialty of Ur.turrh, Bar and Lung Troubles. Office in New Prootor Block. Rusl ' dence 2nd St. 1st door east B. O, Wood'a AGNES McNEIL, OSTEOPATH, Acute and Chronic disease treated. Office, Proctor Bldg. Pnone 140. Monroe City, Mo. Licensed Auctioneer MONROE CITY.MO Satisfaction Guaranteed, Head quarters at the Democrat onloe. R. S. McCLINTIG Lawyer. Will practice in all courts. Office over Monroe City Bank. HUNNEWELTj TELEPHONE COMPANY Try our Uuea to Monroe Olty, 15o; to snolblua, ilbyrllie. uiareuoe. awau niy, -s a nmu ivlfle, Burksrille, a id all p lits iu Shelby inUea 250. J A WaBBLBa, Mgr ROBERT MERIWETHER, Attorney at Law, Will practice in all courts. Office Over F. & M. Bank. Notary Public. In office. W. T. Rutledge, Dentist The saving of teeth a specialty. OfSo& in Redman block, over Variety Store. Telephone 5tt. Dr. C. A. NOLAND, dentist. Monroe City, Missouri. Office over Turner Drug Store. Telephone 133, ELY TELEPHONE CO. UPPINCOTT'S MONTHLY MAGAZINE A FAMILY LIBRARY Hie Best In Current Literature 12 Complete Novels Yearly MANY SHORT STORIES AND PAPERS ON TIMELY TOPICS $2.60 PER vur ; 8S OTB. A COPY NO CONTINUED STORIES EVERY NUMBER COMPLETE IN ITSELF Palmyra, 200. beyond 25c. Kmersou, Nelson vllle, Cherry DelL LaBeUe, MonUoello, New Ark Taylor, Maywood, Philadelphia, Warren 2SO- Hannibal 26o. Quick service guaran teed. J. O. DOOMTTLE Manager, WARREN TELEPHONE CO. Try our line if you wish to reach nd points north aeaat of Monroe. 26c to all points, J. P. RENSHAW, - . Manager MONROK AMD PHILADELPHIA TELEPHONE LINE. Connectionslwlth Palmyra. Hannibal New ark. Labelle. Maywood. Nelsonyllle. LaQranll Canton. OherrydeU. and all points In tZE Sbolby and Marlon counties. Kales Oq