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A TOAST TO "DAD.,,!rera?rketbfman ofal,'ho,d- in? his hand un denrera tirurl v 'Twas a crowd of college stud ents, Gathered round a banquet board. They had feasted and made merry. And in oratory soared. They had toasted "Alma Mater" And their "Best Girl" and their Prat," They had pined in a chorus, All but one, who silent sat. Twas the president espied him. And he stopped the jolly song; Called upon the silent student, Brother. tell us what is wrong ' "I've been thinking," said the student, As he rose and faced his friends Of a came that's not been toasted. It's the name of one who sends The proceeds of the yearling calf. And the money from the corn, And the raise made on the 'Twenty,' Ye are laughing ! Well, I scorn Your ill-timed, maudlin merri ment; For, in my case it is so. Tis my last drink! Here's to you, Dad'! Boys, excuse me. I must go.'' Dick Wood. A MAN WITH GALL. 'The galliest man in the western hemisphere," said a "Washingtonian, who has settled down, "lived in this town until about ten years ago. His first same'was Joe. The rest of his name doesn't matter, because lie's in the advertising business somewhere out west now, and I understand that bis spirit has become chastened. At the time lie was around the District of Columbia he was a jewelry auc tioneer. He was a huge man and a swell looker, and he al ways kept himself primped up to the times whether he was in funds or up against it. He was a gieat believer in the 'front,' and he was the originator of that classic phrase, You can't keep a squirrel on the ground.' He not only originated the phrase, but he proved it. He Jwasii't afraid of anybody or anything, and he'd take a Icbance on any old thing. Some sof the propositions that he got iway with were almost beyond jelief. "One afternoon about a doz en winters ago, while standing it the corner of the avenue anil fourth street with a buuch of als, he bet them that he could j ai(,ng and who t a I a mm a i ( KHuck me nui tn me ntau 01 any tig man passing by that they'd point out to him aud lot get into a tight: over it. The jang took him, and they waited intil a gaint came swinging in ' Iveir direction. He was a well iressed man, with the propor iOns of a 'longshoreman. This nan of gall that I'm telling you bout deliberately fell in step ehind the gaint and knocked is hat olT lrom the rear. The astonished pedestrian, before jtoopiiig to pick up his derby, wheeled about furiously, and ben be saw this Joe man, Waddled up in a fur coat that acbed to his heels and wear ig a plug bat, confronting him lad laughing amusedly be was focecbless. He didn't know : pat to make of it, but be was Jad, all the same, and lie pull- b's right back for a wallop. kTusb, there, chum,' oilly ing his hand up deprecatingly 'Nix the red-beadedness. Those swayback9 over there perking his thumb in the direction of bis buncb, 'laid me & to 1 that I couldn't get away with it with out a rough-hou9e. Here's your dicer,' picking the hat up from where it rested od tbe curb. Cwne on and have one.' The bier man accepted bis bat. grinned in a dubious sort of way, replaced the hat on his head add walked into a cafe with the man rigged out with the cast steel nerve who only a moment before had tipped his headgear onto the pavement. I wouldn't take a chance on a job like that for $1,000 in double eagles "He put over so many gaily stunts on strangers that I can't r e number the half of them One evening he stood outside of the theater before the show, with two or three of his chums. They all had their evening clothes on. Tbe man named Joe suddenly untied his black string tie. pulled it off, and stuck it into his pocket. Then he wagered his chums that he could borrow the cravat of the first man that came along wear ing a black string necktie. They took this one, too. and they waited for a man to heave in sight with a black string neck tie. He proved to be a dignified looking man of GO or so, with t he appearhnce of a lawyer or some sort of a Drofessmnal man. The Joseph individual stepped up to tbe dignified ap pearing man and addressed bim impressively. " Sir,' be said with an amia ble grin, 'you perceive that in tbe hurry of dressing for the theater I neglected to don one of the essentials.' pointing to bis shirt front. "Tbe Haber dasheries in this neighborhood are all closed, and the ladies of my party await me in their box. I observe that your cra v at is suitable lor evening wear. Will you lend it to me for this evening?" " 'Assuredly, sir,' was the in stant reply of the dignified looking man. -You have my sympathy in your diflirul ty, due no doubt, to absent-mindedness a trait in which I myself am not deficient,' and with one tug he unloosed his tie. pulled it off, and extended it to the man with the gall. Then he pulled bis overcoat collar up around his ears so as to cover up his lack of a tie, and went his way. It was absolutely easy. "On another occasion he made a bet with his outfit, while they were strolliug on F street that he could borrow a dollar from ine nrst stranirer who cm.' looked as if he had a dollar, lie got away with this one, too. He had win ning ways about him, there's no "The friend wanted to bolt for it, but the Joseph person bad a powerful clutch on bis arm and he hal to permit him self to be dragged up the steps of tbe fine bouse When the be capped maid answered the bell ring the man of gall asked to see the master of the house The latter made hie appear ance directly in tbe parlor. The gaily man banded the head of the house his card. Then he made bis little speech. The aroma of those frying onions had corquered bis sense of pro priety and quite swept away his delicacy, he said. The home UKe suggestion of those onions frying had so wrought upon him as he passed well, bow c ould the effect be otherwise u pon a man whose family had been away on a visit in the west for several months, and who upon the consequent tem porary closing of bis borne bad b e en compelled to put up with t he monotonous and unsatisfy- i ng fare of hotels and restau- rants? Oh, he could hand you a life-size imitation of Prince C harlie, all right, could Joseph w hen it came his turn. He won o ut hands down. The master of t be house extended to him and b is companion a most cordial invitation to join bim and bis f amily in their cozy dinner of beefsteak and onions, and in s tautly sent out for more steak a nd ordered more onions into tbe pan. Joseph and his com panion dined sumptuously on the steak and onions and cjisp, hot biscuits and boney and cof fee, and wbe-n the- nual was over the man oi gaii leaned back in bis chair, wiped his mouth witb bis napkin and gaz ed dreamily at the ceiling. "Now, who would suppose, he remarked, 'that a man could have made a meal off a little snack like this?' "With wbicb dazzingly impu dent crack he went with the family into the parlor and amused them lor an hour or so singing comic songs to his own piano acccmpaniment. Ninety nine men out of a hundred would have been incontinently chuck ed off the stoop at cranks or drunks had they tried that scheme on, but this man of gall not only picked it up and ran away with it, but be made a hit in the bargain. Washington Star. We find the greatest pleasure in luiMsbii g j e u the lest meat at the lowest prices for cash. John L. Owen & Co. lb8 i i ! A I 1 I use in laming. ' But the galliest thing that he ever did was when he took I dinner at the home of an L street man whom he had never seen before. He was walking along L street with a compan ion one raw atternoon when his nostrils were titivated with the pleasant aroma of trying onions. " By George.' he exclaimed to his friend, 'thev're cninir in have steak and onions for din ner in there,' pointing to the residence from which the fra grance proceeded- 'Let's go in and have some.' " 'Do you know the people, Joe?' demured bis companion. 'Nix,' was the that doesn't make ence. Come on in. reply, 'but any differ - Blincoe-Frye. 3. II. Blincoe and Miss Marie Frye were married at the First Mtthodist church at Denver, Colo., on May 0. The attend ants were Frank Blincoe and Miss Hose Frye brother and sis ter of contracting parties. Im. mediately afterthe wedding the bridal party and a few intimate friends were given a reception at the home of the bride's par ents. Mr. Blir.coe is a son ol Mrs. G. B Sherry of north of town and is well known to many of our readers. Hunne wtll Graphic. EYES, EYES. You can have them well tested for senses and very reasonable. R. Manninf Walker The election of a President of tbe United States will take place next November. It will be very interesting to make a study of the vote. Tjje total vote in 1888 was 11,880,860, of 1892 was 12,059,351, of 1896 was 13,923,102, and of 1900 was 13,-959,653. A Difficult Undertaking We do not envy Mr. Vandiver bis job of selecting or rejecting all tbe candidates on tbe state ticket. From indications we are afraid he has bitten off more than be can chew. Missouri Democrats are not apt to sit a nd meekly accept bossism of such an autocratic sort. Mr. Vandiver has been es pecially severe in bis state ments against tMr. Cook, but tb e latter seems to profit rather tha n suffer from the opposition. Tbe report comes on pretty re liable authority tbat in almost e very county tbe nomination that so obviously belongs to him through tbe people has cre ated a wholesale stampede to his support, Democrats over the state h ave not bitten worth a cent at the bait thrown out by Republi can newspapers. They see that Cook is one of tbe strongest m en in tbe state, and tbat. for t bis reason, be is made the tar g et for all the puns of the par ty enemies and they rally around him by the thousand. The opposition has fallen flatter than a pan cake and ap peals have been made without avail to various prominent Democrats to help out. Mr, Vandiver has been absolutely unable to deliver tbe goods. Whatever promises nave been thrown out to. Mr. Cook's oppo nents have been completely broken, through inability to get tbe people to vote against bim. Sam Cook will come out of this fight one of the strongest Democrats in the state, and the secret of bis strength is tbe brains and magnetism of tbe man and tbe unfailing fidelity of a raft of close, personal friends. No man in the state possesses, in any sense, bis in dividual strtng tb. He has en deared these friends to himself, not by personal favors, for to nine-tenths of tbem he has nev er done a favor, except to keep faith and stand by his word. But they have seen the man tried on a hundred occasions. They kDow be is honest, open and courageous. They know he is well balanced under all cir cumstances, and he never lets any lever ot political excitement swerve bim from tbe straight lines laid down by bis party, is a pillar in the Democracy, and theiefore, the Republican newspapers fight him relent lessly. Missouri State Tribune. WABASH Rates to World's Fair Very low rates are on sale daily April 25 to November 20, witb limit of 60 days. Also appor tionately low rates on sale daily April 15 to November 15 with limit to December 15. When you visit the Fair do not tail to tike the WABASH, as it is the only line having its own tracks leadine direct to the World's Fair Grounds For full information apply fa vour nearest agents, or C. S. CRANE, H. E. WATTS, G. P.&T.A. P.&T.A. St. Louis Moberly THE BURLIGTON'S ATTRAC TIVE SUMMER TOURS. To Colorado, Utah and the Black Hills- Only one fare plus 60 cents round trip to Denver, Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Salt Lake City and the Black Hills. Daily from June lj all summer- i mi 1 1:-. To California. From August 15 to September the round trip for $47.50 froSt.10 Louis; $45 from the Missouri Rivers '"om other points proportionate rates Only $11 more returning via Pueet. Sound. B The World's Fair. The most magnificent creation by the hand of man. Greatly reduced1 excursion rates daily throughout the- r.XDOsition nprinn fnn.nit 4. . r "uuii HCOICBL. ticket agent for exact rates, also for m formation relative to hotels and." stopping places. To Minnesota, Yellowstone Park, Etc Greatly reduced rates to these at tractive summer regions. Stop-Overs in St. Louis. Stop-overs for the Exposition al lowed on through tickets. Buy through, over the Burlington. Consult initial agent or write the undersigned for rates, routes, berths, specific infor mation ami publications. Wm FitZRerald, o A LW Wakely, Q P A Hannibal. Mo St Louis, Mo J L LYON. Agent Sunday sickness is a disease peculiar to church members and others who are expected to attend church. The attack comes on suddenly every (Sun day; symptoms are felt every Saturday night, the person sleeps well and awakes feeling well, eats a hearty breakfast, but about church time the at tack conies on and continues until tbe services are over for the morning. Then the patient feels easy and eats a hearty dinner. In the afternoon he leels mucti better and is able to take a walk, talk about politics and read the Sunday papers, he eats a hearty supper, but about church time he has another spell and stays at home. He retires early and sleeps well, and wakes up Monday morning refreshed, and able to go to work and does not bave any symp toms of the disease until the following Sunday. There is considerable sickness of this character in this vicinity with with tbe indications of an alarm increase as summer approaches. Vandalia Leader. A St. Louis World's Fair Free Information Bu reau has been established at Union Station, Moberly. Mo., in charge of Mr. H. E. Watts, where information will be cheer fully furnished. All letters of inquiry will be given prompt attention. O c priiT.. 1 58 ADAMS ST.CHICAG0. L. OWEN. Jr. Breeder and Shipper of REGISTERED POLAND CHINA HOGS. For Sale One extra yearling boar and 3 gilts bred or open. R. F. D. No. 5, Monroe City, Mo J. T. Sandifer, Licensed Auctioneer, Honroe City, Mo. Everybody knows Jim ana wnerc to Itnd him. SATISFACTION aUARRANTEED.