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The County paper. (Oregon, Mo.) 1881-1883, January 07, 1881, Image 11

Image and text provided by State Historical Society of Missouri; Columbia, MO

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn90061416/1881-01-07/ed-1/seq-11/

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Under the barber chair,
Towsled and tumbled all la a heap,
Llko the tangled pelt of a spotted shcp,
Lay a streaked stack of human hair,
Under the barber chair.
How came It there!
Well, a fa mom cat was Carly Jim,
And all the city flocked to him;
The editor meek and the millionaire,
Flocked to his barber chair.
Mot a moment to spare I
Day In, day out, from his scissors true
The balr and whiskers whisked and flew,
IIo kicked each tuft aid It landed there
Uadcr tho barber chair.
Bo It came there.
From many a head and many a chin,
And many a cheeky check and Us twin,
Came that mosaic mass of balr
Under the barber chair.
' A Tarlcty rare I
Velvety locks as One as clash
And whiskers like thickets of hazel-brush
A spectrum of hues and colors there.
Under the barber chair.
'Tls beginning to wear
A look as It 'twere growing old ;
For sllrer threads among the gold
Are woven thickly here and thero
toiler the barber chair.
Many a Samson's hair
And many a Nlsua' crimson lock
And many a dandy's capital stock
Llo.bourjcl In their own tangled snare,
Under tho barber chair.
r- That raoustacho thero
Held many a heart In Its magic thrall.
Last nlrh. It "mashed" the belle of tho ball-To-day
It kisses the preacher's balr
Under the barlcr chair.
That steel-gray hair
Cowed many a debtor old In sin
And awed lilm Into raising tho tin.
'Ti the raggi'dest fleece of the lot, I swear,
Under the barber chair.
That forelock fair
Gave a solemn Import to word and glance
And held the court room In a trance
Ah I something It lacks of Its awful air
Under the barber chair.
Heartsick of care,
A mother we'ps, In a far off cot
Forher wayward child, because he Is not;
What would she give for that lock of hair
Under the barber chair!
An affcctlonato pair
Bat alas 1 at their home tnls moment Is lying
A still-born babo and Its mother Is dying
And kissing n curl Just like that hair
That falls from the barber cbatr.
But who shall dare
To tell the tale of lock and curlt
Or who but a wicked, prying churl
Betray the secrets burled there
Under the barber chair)
Some wandering heir
Disguised but then who care si Enough,
Some fifty weight of the greasy stuff
Besmears the floor and perfumes tho air
Under the barber chair.
What fragrance there 1
Bear's oil and Brown's Invlgorator
Vanilla, rose, bergamot, Restorator air I
And wlntergreen, whew 1 musk I give us fresh
Good bvo tnthn barber chair.
"Now," Bald tho captain, "wo shan't
bco any uioro land for a weok, and you
young ladles '11 have nothing to do but
lot somo of theso young follows fall in
lovo with you."
"Fall In lovo." cried Hetty, hor tip
tilted noso curling with incredulity and
disgust. "Who could tall in lovo utsoa,
I'd like to know P"
"Who could," asked tho captain, in
innocent surprise. "Why, everybody
does. WhynotP"
Hotty smiled in ovident unbelief, but
glanced furtively across tho dock toward
tho handsome young officer whero ho
loaned on tho rail, blowing rings of
smoko into tho deep bloc sky.
Mlschiovous Dob and tho quick-sight-od
captain detect both, and laugh un
mercifully. Hetty blushes, and tho
first officer uncompromisingly turns his
back and a deaf car to tho captain's
It is ovening on shipboard, dinner is
over, tho day's work is done, and all aro
assembled on deck.
Tho sun, which has hung all day like
a copper gong upon a brass ceiling, is
now mercifully disappearing. Tho
mountains of Lowor Calilornla shlno In
his fast-fading rays llko "tho golden
hills of heaven," while ono liitlo ham
mock or an Island, long and high and
narrow, rites out oi tho sea llko tho
gravo-mound of somo ocean god.
For onco tho water Is smooth; nothing
breaks Its stillness but tho Bteamor's
trail, and tho sea gulls now and then
brushing Its surface. Far, far away
far as tho oyo can reach is nothing but
tho same oxpanso of deop bluo waters,
broken only by thoso yellow hills, now
fast vanishing into distanco and night.
Overhead, only another and wider ex-
anso. still "deoply, darkly, beautifully
bluo," and behind a cloud tho now moon
just beginning to look forth upon tho
boisterous world bolow.
Frlgsby, troni.London, oxplains to a
gaping audienco how tho sconory now
before them suffers Irom comparison
with that of tho Rhino. Sam. Roland,
of San Francisco, carelessly replies to
an inquirer thf ho Is going prospecting
for gold hi Gih&toraala, acknowledges It
to bo a "pretty risky business," admits
tho country to b full of-road-3gents and
bushwhaok.i's, but "lodkofii ho'll pull
through." Meantime Hotty and Dob,
seolng tho captain had-a story In reserve,
settled thomsolves to hoar It.
"Didn't I toll you how my first officer
got married? NoP Woll, nobody could
a been slokor'n his wlto was when ho
courted hor. I'll just tell you all about
H, If you llko.
"Well, yousco, I haven't always been
oaptain of a first-nlass steamer no,
slreellran away to sea when I was
twolvo yoars old, and l'vo worked my
way from tho bottom of tho ladder.
Well, when I was thirty, I was oaptain
of a largo sailing vossel that was in tho
South Aniorloan trade.
"I sailed from tho port of Callao, San
Francisco being my destination. My
second officor was an Englishman, but
my first was an Amorican, only two or
throo years youngor thnn I as good
looklngyonng follow as over I saw; tall,
straight and handsomo, with eyes liko
bluo china. Ho was a right good fol
low, loo; bravo and honest, but frisky us
a kitten, and up to all sorts of Inrks.
"Woll, wo crept up tho const, stop
ping at every ninth door, as our orders
obliged us to do, taking in all sorts oi
things, all booked for San Francisco.
Finally wo camo to San Joso do Guato
mnla that lies ninety miles inland
and thero wo hovo to, nnd waited for n
chanco to go ashoro.
"Did you over henr of tho suri on that
coast, ladies? NoP Woll' it often rolls
filtcon or twenty feet high, and a good
part oftimo no boat could live in it.
Sorry wo'ro not going to stop this trip
or you might seo it. You sco. thero's
really no harbor nothing but an open
roadstond and, except in tho Bay of
Fundy, this placo shows tho highest
and lowest tido in tho world. Tho
people here tried to build a breakwater
out beyond tho surf, but it breaks over
It hall the timo, and when it dosen'tlt
knocks It to pieces. Sometimes vessels
havo to rido at anchor lor a week bn
foro tboy can put a boat ashoro.
"We'd only just hovo to when I no
ticed that a ship at anchor, not far off,
was making signals of distress, and
that a boat wes putting o.T in our di
rection. Of course, wo were anchored
far out beyond tho surf, and it was com
paratively easy for tho boat to reach us;
so it was soon alongside, and ono of tho
men camo up tho ship's sldo and told
mo what was wanted.
"It appears that tho ship was a coffee
ship from San Francisco, and had como
to St. Joso for a cargo. It was only
halt loaded when ono of thoir boats cap
sized in tho surf, drowning tho captain
nnd first officer. Tho second officer
was very low with a fever, and tlioy
had nobody to navigato tho vessel; so
they'd had to wait in port until somo
other ship camo along nnd could lend
'cm an officer or somebody who under
stood navigation.
"Well, I called up my first offleor,
and put him aboard tho coffeo ship, and
in a day or two wo both sailed. Wo
woro going over tho samo ground or
sea rather and ns tho two vessels woro
equally fast, wo kept each othorin
sight most of tho timo. We'd been
out ten days, nnd were In American
waters again, when all of a sudden the
ship hovo to, and signaled us to stop.
Worunascloso to thorn as wo could,
and wo hovo to, nnd presently through
tho glass I saw a boat lowered and
thero was a woman in it.
"I was surprised, ns you can imng
ine, for I did not know thero was any
passengers on tho coffeo ship, though
thero woro half a dozen on my own.
In a few minutes up tho sido camo my
first officer, moro than half carrying
tho prettiest little Spanish girl I over
saw. Oh, lodlos, sho was a beauty!
Eyes liko tho stars in tho flag, and the
sweetest llttlo face kisses just sticking
out all ovor itl Rut wasn't sho tho
sickest llttlo mortal that ovor sot foot
on dcckP I toll you, sho was nil green
nnd yellow, nnd lookod half starved. I
do not bolievo'sho'd kopt down a quar
ter of a dinner for a month past.
" 'Hullo, Jock!' sntd I; 'what's tho
matterP' And I gavo tho lady n scat
on tho loungo in my cabin. Tho poor
llttlo thing couldn't sit upright, sol
just hoisted hor tcot up and mado hor
comlortablo among tho pillows.
" 'Captain,' said ho, 'I want you to
marry mo to this young lady.'
" 'Marry you?' said I. 'What do you
mean? She's too sick to bo marriod,
man. She can't stand up. If you nnd
sho wnnt to bo married, why don't you
wait till you get ashoro ?'
"You see, ladies, wo talkod out frco
boforo hor, for sho couldn't understand
a word of English."
" 'If wo wait till then,' said ho, 'you
and I'll bo going to hor funoral instead
of her wedding. We've got to bo mar
riod, and right away, and you have got
to marry us.'
"You seo again, ladies, wo woro very
groat friends outsldo ot tho ship, and
when wo woro alono togothor wo drop'
all ceremony."
"'What in thunder aro you in such n
hurry for?' said 1. 'Why can't you wait
till you'ro ashoroP' 'Whero aro tho
lady's friends?'
" 'Her step-father's aboard my ship,-
ho said.
" 'I thought so,' said I;
I wont havo
anything to do with it.'
"Ho just turnod nnd winked mo 'out
of ball of his oyo,' nndthon Iromomber
odin a momentof misplaced ooBlldonco,
I hud told somo llttlo circumstances in
regard to my own marriage
'Heml" said ho, grinning liko
monkey, 'I think thoy'ro somo tlmcjuc Atlo closor quartors, to tho tinkloofa
- . . . . . , if . A Cl t I
justifiable. Now, just look noro, uap;
listen and I'll toll you all about It. That
llttlo girl has no rotations, nothing but
a stop-fathor, nnd sho's dopondlngon
him for support. Woll, tho old coot's
a doctor, and craay nt that. Ho's taken
into his addlod old bond to dieoovor a
suro euro for sea-sickness, nnd booause
just tho namo of a ship sots poor llttlo
Dolores to casting up aocounta, bo's
boon taking hor on all sorta of long
voyages, and trying his various docoo
ioui on her. So I wnnt to marry hor
to got hor out of his way. Of course
I'm In lovo with her and all that, said
ho, looking kind ot foolish, 'but If that
was all, I'd wale till wo got ashoro. Of
courso I can't mako him let her alono
unless she'? my wifo, and If ho has con
trol of her muoh longor iho'U novor boo
port again.'
"Do you mean to say," said I, staring
at him in surprise, "that ho tries exporl-
mcntson hor gives hor things that ain't
"I do," said ho; "and I moan to say
that tho Inst thing ho gavo hor was a
bottlo ot bodbug poison, and it most
killed her."
"By tho Flying Dutchman," said I,
"I should think it wouldl Whero's tho
old noot now?"
"In itons. I told him I wouldn't
hnvo nny such doings abonrd my ship,
nnd ho slapped my fnco. So I put him
in irons, and camo off to you."
Well, ladies, I just went ovor to tho
sola wliuro tho llttlo girl was rolling
hnr big black oyes at us and wondering
whit In thunder wo woro saying.
"How old nroyou, my dear," I asked
in Snnnish.
"You see, I'd been married mor'n
two years, and I thought I'd UBortcr
right to bo paternal.
"Eighteen, Seuor Captain," said sho,
in tho softest Yolco in tho world.
"SniJ Is 'Do you lovo this young
man and wnnt to marry him? You
needn't if you don't, because I'll seo to
it your step-father doesn't bother you
any more'
"I didn't dnro look around at Jack,
for I know ho'd bo looking blacker' n
thundor at mo just then. And indeed
ho took a stop toward us; but I mado
him keep off till sho would havo an
swered for herself.
"Well, sho blushed very prettily, nnd
hesitated for n second, then answered
very swootly that if tho senior captain
didn't mind trouble, sho would marry
tho senior lirst officor. That tho senior
lirst officer had been hor only friend;
that although sho had taken many voy
ages nnd scon many people, sho had
nover found any ono who cared to in
terfere In her behalf; that sho felt very
grateful to tho senior fl-st afllcer, and
had now become attached to him, nnd
with tho senior captain's permission
would become his wife.
"As slio said this, Jack got out of
sight behind tho door, put his thumb
to his noso, nnd twirled his llngors at
mo in tho most disrespectful manner.
Iliad ui'roat mind to put him lu irons
for mutiny but no matter.
"Of courso thoro was nothing to bo
done except marry them; sho was ovor
18, and at sen tho captain's ns good as
a parson, you know.
"So 1 called up tho passongors and
officcrs;and tho ladies dressed up in their
bet fluory, and wo had a wedding in
very short order. After that tho ship's
surgeon prescribed an nntidoto for tho
bed-bug poison.
"Tho second officer went ovor and
took command of tho coffeo ship In
Jack's placo, and sent back Dolotor's
trunk and clothing. At first I thought
wo could not get along without him, for
Jnck was so deoply in lovo with his llttlo
son sick girl I thought ho'd bo of no
manner of u.o. But wo had good weath
er most of tho timo, and Jack did his
duty liko a man.
But it was real touching to sco him
go to his wife's cabin every day nnd
bring her on deck nnd fix her comforta
bly on a bod tho stownrt mndo for her
under nn awning. And then he'd nurso
hor and caro for her just ns if ho'd been
a sister of charity. You might havo
seen thon, Miss Hotty, how a sailor can
lovo a woman!
Woll, she soon got bettor and stron
ger. Jack and tho doctor fixed hor up
botwoen them, and n healthior, livelier,
happier llttlo womon nover sot foot in
San Francisco. Jack took hor right to
his married sistor, and thoro sho stayed
botweon voyagos till sho had n lot of
children, nnd hor husband bought hor a
houso ot hor own.
What about tho coffeo ship? Oh, that
mado port day a boforo us, and tho old
doctor had us all arrested tho moment
wo touched land. So wo woro nil haul
ed up in court, nnd Jack had it out with
his stop-fathor-in-law.
"I think tho court was rather against
us first; but tho bod-bug poison and tho
slap in tho l'aco did tho businoss and
turnod everything in our favor. Ho wns
afterward declared to bo a luuntio and
turned over to Ills brother's keeping.
" 'Whnt's bocomo of JackP Why, ho
sailed with mo for sovoral years as first
officer; now he's captain to tho com
panion steamor to this. That good
looking young fellow that's bcon mak
ing eyes at you Miss Hotty, is his son
jind I dare say that ho agroos with his
father that seasickness makes precious
llttlo dlfforenco when a man's in lovo."
Tho moon is quito up now, flooding
tho sea with silver. Retwcen us and tho
ishinlng mirror intorposes tho head of
young Jack, showing In fino, clear-cut
csilhouotto. What wondor that Hetty
s to put sovero straint upon hor eyes
tlifit thoy shall not wander In that dlreo
tlA? lwo captoin saunters away to do tho
agrfpablo to other passengers, whllo
aJDoUmrays down tho dock to listen, ut a
gultar and to a soft voioo humming a
Spani a lovo song.
As s?n strolls back sho finds a mas
culine 'Wra usurping hor place, and
pboping under Hetty's downcast lids aro
pair, of earnest sailor oyes, whoso
dawning' lovo ana nopo no sea can
tvnln It
fright or quell.
Fraying for a Justice
In 1860, after tho oleetlon of Mr. Lin
coln, Chief Justloo Taney was very ill
so ill, in dood, that his lifo was scarcely
hopod for. Thoro was at that timo
somo noblo old Ropublicans in Congress
Soward, Choso, BonWado, Fessondon,
Sumnor, Thad. Stovons, and I don't re
mombor how many moro. Tho Republi
can administration would como in In
Marob, 1801. If Tanoy should have
diod boforo that timo Buohanan would
havfl appointed a young Domoorat, who
would probably last for forty years. If
Taney should not dio until aftor March
then Lincoln would havo tho appoint
ment, nnd ho would havo selected n Re
publican. So theso old Republicans,
for tho first timo in their lives, woro
solicitous about tho health of tho old
Chief Justice. Thoy asked dally about
him, nnd had nil tho roligious peoplo
pray that his lifo might bo spared. Even
Wndo, Zjck Chandler, nndTlind Stovcns
prayed. Probably thoy did. it, ut any
rato Tnnoy got woll and was allvo on
tho 4th of March. Ho also was allvo
on tho succeeding 4th of March, nnd
still nllvo March 4, 1803. Thon tins old
stalwarts Logan to gel alnrmcd lest
Tanoy, who was within a year or two
of 90 yoars old, would outllvo Mr. Lin
coin's term. Bon Wado said that nt a
meeting of some of tho old Republicans
named nbovo lato in 18G3 tho subject of
praying for Tnnoy camo up, when Chan
dler, slapping Wndo'sbnck, nuldi"Wcl,
boys, I'm damned if I don't think wo
ovordid It!" Chief Justice Taney lived
until Ootobor, 18G1, and died just In
timo to onablo Mr. Lincoln to put
Chnso in his placo and thus got him
out of his way for tho second term of
tho Presidency.
Food Adulteration.
Sacramento Uilon.
The rnnid spread of oleomargarine.
which imitation of butter has been of
Into acquiring such a salo as to threaten
tho gcuulno butter witli banishment
from tho mnrkot. suggests tho wisdom
and indeed tho necessity of onnctlng
laws for tho protection ot tho public
against food adulterations. This oloo
margarine, which is mado of all kinds
ol nuimal fats, and tho processes of
which mako it possible to employ tho
filthiest material, is now manufactured
to rcscniblo roal buttur'so closely, that
it is difficult oven tor experts to detect
tho difference This nt least is what
several reporters havo alleged, but wo
confess that wo do not believe tho state
ment. All tho olcomnrgarino wo havo
seen could bo distinguished from real
butter by anyone who knows good but
ton Roporters who dorlvo their exper
leuco from bonrdlng-houso tables per
haps may not hnvo been nblo to discrim
inate) between tho real nnd tho false. It
is said that oleomargarine when mado
from puro fats is wholesome Thorois
no reason why it should not be. Tho
danger is, howovcr, that it may not bo
manufactured from "puro tats," nnd
that therefore it may not bowholosomo.
Tho chiof wrong dono to tho public in
connection witli this imitation of courso
is tho selling of it in tho guise of real
butter. This is a swindle, rnnd thoso
who perpetrate it ought to bo puuished
as swindlers. That is tho plain Eng-
llsh of tho situation, and merchnnts
and dealers will do well to ponder it.
Tho subject of food adulteration has
of lato years attracted much attention
from lawmakers In Europe and science
has been called in to tho aid of tho law in
detecting sophistications. Twenty
yoars ago tho subject was lorcod upon
tho attention of tho English public by
Lancet, whleli showed that 05 per cent,
of tho drugs and lood articles used by
tho publlo wcro adulterated. Legisla
tion followed, but it has required many
yoars to ascertain how best to moot tho
evil. At last this has been affected to a
groat extent. Adeolino in adulteration
from 05 tolG percent, hns in fact been
secured, and this Is a praotlcal victory.
It has been accomplished by tho simplo
method of compelling tho manufactur
ers of adultoratlons to soil theni for
what thoy really aro. No ono is pro
hibited from adulterating anything, but
if thoso who adulternto tall to specify
what thoy havo dono whon thoy oxposo
thoir goods for salo, tho sovorost pun
ishment is donlt out to them. It has
consequently become unprofitable to
adtltorato, for though thoro is plenty
of monoy in selling tho publio doctored
goods, thoro is nothing to be gained by
offering tho publlo such wares on their
actual morits. Tho nunibor of poople
who will buy adulterated things know
ing them to bo adulterated, is too
small to justify tho maintenance
of tho businoss, in fact, and as
tho figures prove tho majority of tho
swindlers hnvo taken their talents
elsewhere. The Canadians havo adopted
a similar law, nnd havo thoroby reduced
thoir adulterations from 61 to 2C per
cont. Of courso thoro aro somo adultera
tions which becauso of thoir pernicious
character ought to bo positivoly pro
hibited, whothor laboled or not. In tho
Unltod States tho questionof adultera
tion has hitherto boon a porploxlng ono
becauso of tho practical impossibility ol
dealing with it save from a national
standpoint, and tho doubts ns to tho
jurisdiction of Congress ovor It. So
important is it that if any roal obstaole
of this kind exists, it ought to bo ro
moved by a constitutional nmondment,
howovor. It is clear that Stato laws
cannot roach tho ovil, savo in tho most
Imperfect way. For instance, tho
California Legislature might prohibit
tho manufacture of adulterations in tho
Stato, but it could notprovmt thoir im
portation from othor States without
establishing an inquisition which would
bo enormously expensive, exceedingly
offensive, and very inefficient. In order
to deal with a quostlon of this magnitude
tho whole country ought to unite. Few
persons havo any just conception of the
amount of disease and mortality caused
by adulterations annually, 'but tho
showing ol tho Lancet, that 05 por oent.
of all tho food and modlcino used in
modern communities is adulterated,
provos to what an oxtont tho vllo busi
noss has boon carrlod. In our largo
cities adulteration is doubtlos practiced
moro oxtenslvoly than in tho country
towns, and it is probably employed
moro in wines and liquors than in any
other businoss. Groceries indeed aro
linblo to bo sophisticated, and all
kinds ot dry goods. England, ns is woll
known, has injured hor Indian busi
ness in calicos by hor greediness in
loading thom with clays. Our manu
facturers havo not yot, tnkon to that
method in cotton goods, but in other
fnbrics thoy aro not behind thoir Euro
pean rivals. In short tho mischief and
J wrong dono by adulteration Is very
great, and, ns tho olcomnrgarino inci
dent shows, rapidly Increasing, and it
is timo that Congress was appealed to
for somo better protection against theso
swindles than tho existing laws nt pres
ent afford.
Th rhcnonieni of the ltoutlno of Journal
ism. Itckwood's MtRUlor.
Nimblo fingers aro moving by Instinct
about tho compartments ot tho typo
boxes, mechanically translating thought
into motal. Thero is a hum of "read
ing" from n dozen different places; and
every now and then, from somo cham
ber apart, comes spasmodically tho
steady click of tho telegraph. You aro
never securo from somo fresh irruption
of news that may compol n modification
of tho arrangements that must always bo
provisional. A revolution may havo
broken out in Japan, or death may havo
surprised somo distinguished person
age; and competitors are to bo out
stripped by commenting on the facts,
and elaborating details, autobiographi
cal or otherwise Conceive tho feelings
ot tho rcspcctnblo llcrr Faust, could ho
havo dropped in upon tho quick-witted
nnd facile scribes who havo replaced Pa
cilicus nnd his slow going compcors.
Thero arc laborious Individuals still
busy with tho scissors and tho paste
when tho eyes of their families and
friends havo been closed for hours in
peaceful slumber. Thero nro two gen
tlemen at least dashing off tho loaders,
pronouncing judicially nnd literally with
tho rapidity of thought on the debate
that is drawing to a closo in the House,
or tho event that may bo tho starting
point of a now cyclo of policy. It is an
accomplishment that readers hcarcoly
appreciate at its value that of writing
calmly, consecutively and rollectively
under nn excess of high pressure with
tho arricrepiMcc that you aro hopeless
ly lost, should you hcsltnto or inspiration
fall you. Whon tho thread ol your ideas
is being perpetually Interrupted by tho
presentation for quick but close revision
of tho earlier slips of your comprehen
sive articlo; and whon you know that
your brain-work will bu scanned nnd
criticised by tho capablo experts whose
Ideas you aro controverting. Then
thero nro "tho nblo editor" and his faith
ful aides, who must always havo their
wits about them, night aftor night and
month after month. It is for tliem to
direct and control tho wholo; to procure
at least a credltablo semblance of con
sistency on tho widest rango of conceiv
able subjects, political, religious, finan
cial and social. A decision to bo dashed
at on tho spur of tho moment, may com
mit them to a policy thero is no recon
sidering, nnd do irretrievable injury to
their reputation for porsplcuity; while
tho matter for a damaging action for 11
bol may lio lurking in tho lines of tho
most insignificant paragraph. Happily
tho inoxornblo hour Is approaching
which dismisses them to an Intorvnl of
comparative roposo. Timo and tho early
expresses will wait for no one, and tho
Items of belated nows must staud aside
for later editions. Then tho bustlo is
stilled as by enchantment; tho troops of
dishevelled workmon dtspcrsc; tho jad
ed editor and staff go homo to supper
and bed; a practised baud or two nnd
somo half-dozen boys may bo trusted
witli tho completion of tho more mechan
ical operations. Tho endless web glid
ing through tho grasp of tho cylinders is
turned into piles of coplos of tlo Times
or tho Standard, and an hour or two lat
er thoy aro boing scattered broadcast
ovor tho country, to bo thrown aside tho
noxt day for thoir ophomeral success
ors. The Use of Oaths.
In Franco, since tho abolition of tho
Empho on tho 4th of September, 1870,
no oath or affirmation has been admin
istered in any form to mombors of tho
Lsglslaturo of tho Republic. Nor is
thoro any formality which might bo
regarded as an equivalent. Under tho
Empire now members made n declara
tion to tho following effect: "I swear
fidelity to tho Emperor and tho Consti
tution." But tho namo of tho Deity
was not included.
Tho members of tho Goiman Parlia
ment tnko no oath, nor do they ninko
any affirmation whatsoever. Tho mem
bers of tho Ptussian nnd most other
Stato Parliaments tnko nn ontli of
loyalty beginning with tho words "I
swear by tho God Omnlpotont nnd Om
niscient," and concluding with tho
words, "So may God holp mo." To
this latter formula thoso who wish it
may add, "Through Jesus Christ to
eternal bliss, Amen." Any ono refus
ing to tako tho oath or commenting
upon it, would undoubtedly bo exclu
ded Irom tho Prussian and other Stato
Parliaments. In conformity, howovor,
with tho laws regulating tho adminis
tration of oaths in civil and criminal
courts, an exception would bo mndo in
tho caso of persons belonging to recog
nised theistlo religious communities,
who, llko certain Mennonito and Jew
ish seots, regard tho namo of tho Deity
as too awful to bo invoked in tho trans
action of secular business. In thoso
oases a simple affirmation would bo re
garded as equivalent to an oath. Tho
omission of any oath in tho Gorman
Parliament is occasioned by tho wish
to avoid tho delicate question as to the
amount of loyaity due to tho Eraporor,
in contradistinction to State sovereign?.
By tho law passed on tho 16th ot May,
18G8, Parliamentary oaths woro nbol
tshed in Austria, nnd a simplo nftlrmn
tion was substituted. The first para
graph of tho standing orders nf tho
Austrian Rolchsrath roads as follows
"Now members, on entering cither of
tho two Houses, have, on tho President's
challenge in place of taking nn onth,
to promlso loynlty and obedience to tho
Emperor, Inviolable obscrvnnco of tho
Constitution, as well as of nil other
laws, and conscientious fulfillment of
thoir duties." Upon tho President
reading words to this effect, tho now
member simply replies, "I promiso."
Arts. .17 anil 38 of tho Rules of tho
Spanish Congress say that Deputies, be
fore they can tnko their Beats, shall
mako tho following oath, which Is read
aloud by Secroiary of tho Congress, all
present standing: "Do you swear to ob
serve and make others observe, tho
Constitution of tho Spanish Monnioby?
Do you swear fidelity and obedience to
tho legitimate King of Spain, Allonso
XII. P Do you swcnrwell nnil truly to
bchavo in tho mission confided to you
by tho nation, always and In everything
socking tho wolfaro oftba nationP" Tho
Deputies, then, two at a time, approach
the table of tho Prcsidcnst, nnd, kneel
ing on hit right hand, ho remaining
sitting, they place their hands on tho
Gospel lyingopen beforo them, and say,
"Yes, I do swear;" nnd tho President
then answers, "If you do en, may God
reward you, and, If not, may ho call
you to account." This formula was re
established in 1876 in tho Constitution
voted by tho First Cortes under tho
Restoration. It is copied from tho
Constitution in forco during tho reign
of Queen Isabella. At the timu of the
Spanish Revolution , from 1808 to 1874,
no oaths were required In tho Cortes
and when tho First Cortes of tho Res
toration mot, in February, 1870, Senor
Castolar protested ngainst the oath, and
at first refused to tako it, but finally
submitted. In tho second Cortes of the
Restoration, in 187(5, tho Democratic
and Radical minority of llltceu De
puties, under C.istolar and Martor,
agaiii protested against tho oath of
allegiance, and took it after publicly
stating their mental reservations but no
iustnuco oxists on the records of tho
Houso that a Deputy declined to tako
tho oath on tho ground of atheistic con
victions. For such enses no rule has
over existed In tho Spanish Cortes.
Tho President of tho Italian Chamber
of Deputies, seeing a now Doputy in his
place, says: "I invito tho honorable
gontlonian to tako tho oath in tho form
following: "I swear to bo faithful to tho
King, nnd to observe loyally tlio funda
menial statuo and tho other laws of tho
State, with a single view t'i tho Inscp
arable welt'aro of tho King and tho
country." Tho new Deputy then, in
his place, stretches yut his right hand
and pronounces tho ono woid, "Gitiro"
("I swear.")
Why do Fish Return to Rivers!
Tho long-hold and only recontly ro
jeeted theory, that tho shoals of fishes
moved in a vast mass along tho coast,
sending oil' detachments into each river
ns they passed its mouth, Is to bn attri
buted to John Gilpin and somo other
authors, who havo written flowingly on
tho subject. Recent careful Investiga
tions of naturalists indicate that tho
anadromous fishes, thoso entering tho
rivers nnd bodies of fresh water from
tho soa, do not havo an extended range
in the ocean, and that eaoh river's colo
ny remains, after returning, in tho deep
wnter opposlto thoir river.
Tho motivofor thomovemont of theso
shoals of anadromous fishes, or rather
how it Is incited, has scarcely been ox
plained. Tho lifo of tho fishes has ul
wavs been a mystery. It is not a search
tor food, as thoy do not cat whllo they
aro in fresh wnter; tho opening ot hun
dreds of stomachs will fail to find food
drcscnt. It is nn easy disposal of the
question as to how each colony rccog'
nlzos Its nativo river, to say that It is
instinctive; so it is nlso, when tho butch
er's horso recognizes the familiar gates;
but wo havo somo ovldcnco as to what
eenso ho uses. The fishes, probably
prompted by functional disturbances,
from tho tumid ovaries nnd spcrmaries,
arc incited to movement. Tho courses
of tho sen, unmarkod as they are, aro,
within each colony's limit, their habit
ual pathways. An unerring capacity
in tho fish for finding its own rivor, may
bo moro than that which guidos tho
hermit-crab to the shell of tho nation.
Tho lattorgocs tohldoits sonsitivobody,
with an apparent nervous tropldation at
its unprotected condition. The former,
with an uneasiness of body from the
functional changes it is undergoing,
is impelled to activity. Tho transmit
ted habit of ascending tho stream,
Is, ns It wcro, blended and alloy
ed with tho substanco ol its nerves, nnd
roused by Its conditions, carries it, with
out conscious purpose, into tho river of
its progenitors and its own. Tho Im
pulses of tho fish nro only in a slightly
moro complicated scries than tho crab.
Thut it should bo tho instinct for u spe
cific strham, established through inheri
tance of many generations, ii easier to
understand than that it is a sort ot
momory of tho placo of its immature
lilo, as tho theory or fish-culture makes
it, and as observation sooms to sustain.
In tho waters of tho Delaware, wlioro
thoro woro un salmon originally, tho
young salmon placed In Bushkill creek
rotarncd alter live yoars, and woro ta
kon, not only in tho Doluwaro rivor, but
tho larger number near tho Bushkill
orook. It not essential that all tho fishes
should havo this impolling influenco,
whatever it may bo, as liko gregarious
mammals and birds thoy flock togqther
following tho leadership of whlchovei
for tho timo takes it. Tho idea is sug
gested that tho senses may be tho guid
ing agont, that a fish goes nosing along
tho coast, or tasting tho streams, until
it recognizes its own. Tho convcxityof
tho corncn must afford the fishes a very
limited range of vision. Tho supposed
dullness of tho eenso of smell and of
tastoin fishes might alono disposo ot
tho suggestion that theso aro employed.
Tho following occurrence, howovcr;
would seem to decido to tho contrary.
'J ho Russian river, emptying into tho
Pacific, north oi San Francisco, hadlU
mouth entirely closed by the waves dur
ing n storm, Tho colony of salmon
mado their yearly migration from tho
deep waters toward tho mouth of lao
river, and many raced tli rough the surf,
nnd landed high and dry on tho sand
that walled them out of their nativo
Tho migration of tho salmon into
somo of tho Pacific rivers is a frenzied
advance over shoals, rapids, and cas
cades, far into their streams nnd brooks,
whero they nrrlvo battered nnd weary,
to accomplish their exhaustive repro
ductive labors, and drop back, tho sport
of tho current, dead and dying, towt.rd
tho sea.
British Land Reform.
(Icrmtntown Ttlfgrapb.
According to rcllablo accounts publish
ed In leading Influential London Llbora
journals, tho Land Reform agitation
and other causes havo so demoralized
tho landed interests of Great Britain
that tho rents of agricultural properties
have lallen-off fully thirty-three per
cent. Tho effect of such n dccllno has
bcou to crcato a sort of panic among
tho lauded aristocracy, so that nil tho
weaker members have been obliged to
cconomlzo by abandoning their fino
houses and going into lodgings in Lon
don or tho cheaper cities of tho Euro
pean continent. Tho nuthority wo ro
fer to nppenrs to labor under tho delus
ion that even if theso estates should bo
sold under an encumbered estates law,
os was formerly dono in Ireland, tho
nrtstocrntio rank conferred bv such
baronial holdings would procure ready
purchasers lor them. But it this bo
true as regards tho parks, manor-houses
aud castles, it is difficult to sco how tho
purchasers of tho adjoining villages
would euro to own them and havo per-
pctual troublo with tho tenants, with
out any chanco of adequate profit. Tho
fact is, that tho Land Reform crosado
of tho British Radical party has mado
such hepdwny in England as to threaten
with complete destruction tho organized
feudalism of that country. Thiscrusndo
although begun for party purposes, ap
pears to bo quito as destructive to tho
lauded investments of tho Whig aristoc
racy as to thoso of the Tor cs. Tho
contest in England has been carried on
in a lawful and orderly manner, but
tho object in viow U prccisoly similar
to that of tho Irish agitation.
Extraordinary Incident.
A curious incident, which the Pre
cur&cur, of Antwerp, states to havo
positively occurred at tho Zoological
Gardens in that town, is thus described
in ono of its recent impressions: It was
tho hour for feeding tho serpents, and
two of thom, born a couple of years
ngo in tho gardens, commeueed simul
taneously dovouring tho samo rabbit,
one beginning operations at Its licud,
tho other at its tail. Tho natural result
was that in tho courso ot timo thoy both
reached tho middlo of tho rabbit, and i
disputo nroso as to which should swal
low tho remaining morsel. Tho larger
serpent of Iho two mado tho greatest
headway, but his colleague held as fast
to tlia carcass, and in tho hont of tho
battlo, his vis-a-vi-', making a dospcr
ate effort to bolt tho rest of tho rabbit,
drew in with it tho hoad of tho smaller
serpent. Tho body gradually followed
tho head into its living tomb, and soon
thero remained but about two decime
ters of tail visible. At this critical
juncture tho keeper perceived what was
passing, and a couple of thom entered
tho cage to rose no tho victim from its
unpleasant position. After considerable
difficulty, thoy succeeded in obtaining
a firm grasp on tho bit ol tail, and
with a long pull nnd a strong pull
brought back tho sorpout In safety,
none tho worse for tho adventure. Tho
swallower, howovcr, was rather indis
posed for tho next few hours, says tho
journal which relates this most extraor
dinary story, but both sorponts are
now in tho dltlon again
On tho 1-1 th of Deccmbor thero was
held at Wyandotte, Kansas, a joint
meeting of tho Kansas and Missouri
State Horticultural Societies. Tho
Kansas Farmer says:
Tho fruits exhibited by tho associ
ated societies wcro really beautiful.
Words would fail togivoyour readers an
adequate idea of tho superior collection
of apples on tho long tables, placed
there for competition and exhibition,
for clearness and coloring of skin, for
beauty of shape and mammoth size.
For toxturo and quality, wo navo never,
m citiicr iiomispiicrc, seen a coiicc-
ion of apples, of tho samo extent, to
turnass this collection.
Reports on tho condition of fruit
crops and tree growths, wcro presented
orally by delegates from tho different
counties. All the counties cast of tho
Riloy county lino, gavo favorable ro
porta as regarded poaches, cherries,
strawberries, raspborrios, blackberries,
gooseberries, currants and grapes. Tho
npplo crop was simply immense Nox
ious insect3 not so injurious as in
former yearB. Wood growth by ex
tension not equal to former yoars.
Pickled Oysters, Quo quart of vino
gar, ono ounco ot allsplco, ono-half
ounce of cinnamon, ono ouboo of oloves,
ono ounco of maoe; Voald all Thoso to
gether; when oold, put in tho oy stars;
noxt day icold togothor.

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