The County paper., October 14, 1881, Image 7

About The County paper. (Oregon, Mo.) 1881-1883

Image provided by: State Historical Society of Missouri; Columbia, MO

                
1THB IJTTLK KINGS AND QUKKNd.
T n. h.
Hsrpert'.Msgaatio.
Monarch whoso kingdom no man bound,
frf, Ko league uphold, no anqueiy prcydjJL
, Whbse throne are any tnosiy moundi,
I VThose crowns am cur onunny hcadlT
The only sovereigns on Iho'earth
Vfhort away is certain t endare,
rSo lino of kings of klngllest blrthJJBI
I of lit reigning half so eure.fi
Mo fortress bnllt'ln all the land 1
So Iron? they cannot atorm It free 'J
Ho palace msdo to rich, too grand,
For ilitm to roam triumphantly.
r
Ho tyrant so hard hearted known
Can their diplomacy resist;
They can usurp hla vcr-throne;
( Ho abdicates when he la kissed.
Uo hoveljn the world so amall,
Bo meinlv built, o nquatld, bare,
They will not go within Ita wall,
And aetUelr reign of iplendor there.
V o beggar too forlorn and poor
To tve them all Umt need to thrive;
'They frolic In hla Tird and door,
The happiest kings and queens alive.
Oh, fajceacd little kings and queens,
The only sovereigns on the eirth I
Their aoTcrclgnty nor rests nor leans
On pomp of rlchca or of birth.
Nor ends when cruel death lays low
In dust each llttlo'cutly head,
All other toverctgns crownlesa go,
And are forgotten when they're dead ;
But thr-se ho'd changcltis empire put,
Triumphant past all earthly scenes;
We worship, truest to tho last,
Ti o b iy "llttlo Wn and queens.'
GAHNET'S MISTAKE.
A little, low-orowed, yollow cottage,
ekoplly nestling 'ncath a canopy of
branching hemlocks. Hero dwolt Mrs.
Darley, or tho Widow Darloy, ns she
was commonly called hy tho Inhabitants
of Linden. Hero, slnco tho departure
ot her nlocc, Garnot, her brother Rob
ert's child, for tho city to learn tho
dressmaker's trado, which ovont occur
red a oouplo of years ago, sho had lived
alone, subsisting on tho produce sho
raised on tho few acres of ground at
tached to tho cottago, which sho man
aged to sell or barter away forgrocorics
at a thriving town thrco miles distant.
Day was fast verging into dusk. In
deed for somo tlmo twilight had lain
gray upon tho sceno, and only a silver
lino kissed tho purplo tops of tho distant
mountain. Tho Widow Darloy sat by
tho window busily engaged in durnlng
a wretohod looking stocking over a
mammoth ruook orango, bemoaning
wlfli every stitch her recent attack of
rheumatism which confined her to tho
house, when sho was thoroughly con
scious of tho fact that her services were
needed out ot doors. Now was tho timo
to dig hor potatoes, now was tho tlmo to
gather cerlnln applos, nnd do every
thing in fact; nnd hero sho was, not only
rinablo to get about, but so heavily
trammeled by debts that sho found it
impossible to sccuro tho assistance so
much needed.
"Well. I dcclarol"
This exclamation was caused by tho
rumbling old stago coach that dally
passed her houso stopping at tho front
gato, from wh ch alighted hur niece,
who ran lightly up tho walk nnd into
tho house, followed by a strongly built
mnn boating cn his shoulder a good
sired tiunk, which ho deposited in the
hall bt foro making his exit.
Vllow d'yo do, Aunt SusanP" with a
hug and a kiss. "Not a slavo to rhcu
matism, I hope f"
"Yes," replied tbo WMow Darley,
who, by tho way, was a tiny woman of
CO, with a face not unllko tho wrinkled
apples that grow on the treo in tho gar
den, "tho monster has got mo again in
his clutches. But whatever brings you
homo? You haven' boon sent adrift
again, surely?"
"Yes, mint," a tromorof pain thread
ing hor volco in ppito of hor efforts to
appear 'unconcerned, "times nro dull,
and Madam Brown lias fo llttlo work
nlio deemed it expedient to dispenso
with tho services of tho girls who provo
incompetent. I, being tho least skillful
of her apprentices, was discharged
without regret. Most summarily she
dismissed 1110, withholding tho fuw
quaint words or commendation sho
grudgingly best" wod upon others. J
have no tttsto for dicssmJ;lng, and am
termed u regular botch. Not a very
good recommendation to liolp secure
another situation, Eli? Hut, never
mind, mint! I see I am ncoiled ut homo.
IIow aro things prnspoilng?"
"Not ut all," in her must dolorous
tono, "tho pluco is fairly welched down
with mortgages, and for might I know
to tho continry, Mr, Lincoln may foro
o!om) any day. Yes, any day may find
us without Miollci. Our larder is about
empty, nnd tlicro is no money to re
plenish it; all tho Hour has been scrapod
from the hiirii'l,' nnd tn-d'iv I wn
obliged to boirow a palltul from Juno
Groy; then, .too, there is ruot a toa-leaf
in tbo aiduW nnd I do not know how to
exist wltlJp. my cup ofotea. I mount
to haverug f.ljjSwls of potatoes
ami got Mr. Denvs honso to go to
obtain somo ot tho Vfilngs 1 cannot get
along without, but I am good for noth
inggood for nothlngl" with a pro
found fcigh.
"Never mind, aunt, dou't worry.
I'll nun whnt. run lin ilnna ill the-morn
inc." v
The noxt forenoon, about 10 o'clock,
with a hoo swung over her shouldor,
and a half busbol basket in hor ham),
in which reposed a half dozen of potato
bags and a dainty repast dono up in a
nowspapor, sho trudgod to tho potato
lot to soo what could bo dono; for the
widow's niece, Garnet .Kmhors, wasn
girl equal to any emergency. Sho wa
'a slender, gracolulglrl, neither a blonde
'it n 'brunotte, but a comb'nntlon ol
.,.4nfli n a tmiKv a nrnaiura nu nnn ivrililti
"Watotoo, withhor wonderfully fu.r
compexlon, tinged with tho merest
flush of pink, her darkcycsw.ro nl
m shnpod and full of .vim', shadow
ud by black aurling lashes, nnd a su
perb abundanco of red-brown hair,
colled low on her well-shaped ho id.
Sho donnod a dun-httod calico drcs,
which sho fattened up on nil sides to
keep clear of tho dirt, thcroby display
ed a foot arched and slender as an
Arab's, nnd over her head, hiding her
wondrous hnlr, was ono of hor aunt's
sun-bonnets, making her look, as sho
declared, a regular guy. Sho reached
tho lot and sot to work in earnest, but
somohow slw made llttlo progress. Oh!
if somo strong-handed masculino crca
turo was but around. What short
work ho would'mnko of tho jobl
At thts junoturo tho icpoitof a gun
sounded noar, and Garnot looked just
in tlmo to soo a chipmunk, running
along the fcnco.dlvldlng hor lot from
Mr. Doaver'a topplo over, nnd an In
stant after a man In gray, muscularly
framed and as handsome as Apollo,
with a wldo sombroro shading his face
appeared in sight. How propitious tho
fates woro. What sho had dovontly
wished for was yondor a man. Mr.
Donvor'shlrodman, without doubt. Sho
suspended operations, nnd with her hoo
raised aloft, cried out:
"Here, young man, como horn! I
want you to holp In digging a few buh
ols of patatocs. I will sco that you do
not IncurMr. Donvor's displeasure by
doing ns I desire And, indeed for
that matter, you might as well bo work
ing for mo ns to bo Idling your tlmo In
killing harmlosi creaturcsComo, what
do you say?"
"All right, miss; I'll bo with you as
soon as I can oxebango my gun for a
hoe, for I supposo you intond to keep on
with yourdlgglng?"
"Cortalnly. Now dsn't bo long about
It. That's a good man."
Sho was camostly digging away when
ho vaulted over tho fenco and stood by
her side, hoo in hand, his hat lower
down on his faco than over. Garnot
paid no attention to his personal nppoar
nnco. Ho was nothing but a hired man,
so whothor ugly or comoly what mat
tered It to hor. Old Sol, an Inflamed
ball of heat, glowed upon them savage
ly, and tho propiration stood in beaded
drops upon their facos as they tolled
on; Mr. Donvor's hired mnn making no
further progress with his row of pota
toes than Garnot with hors. Tho girl
glancod at hlra contemptuously.
"You don't succocd any better than I
a girl. You aro tho grocnest hand
that I over saw at digging potatoes.
Mr. Donver will noi, keep you long, I
know."
"Perhaps not,'" ho said in a noncha
lant way. "I am a green hand nt it, I
acknowledge, but I guess I can learn
after nwhilo. Src, miss, if I havo dono
my work well."
"Oh, mj I" alio exclaimed, voxntlous
ly, "how stupid how very stupid you
aro. You havo not got tbo potntoos
half out of tho hill and tiioso you havo
got out nro well nigh chopped to pieces
by tho hoo, You wield that instrument
ns if It was your intention to mulllato,
to destroy. You need dig no morel"
"'.Veil," leaning conlontodly ng.ilnst
thohoc-handlo, and wiping tho prosplra
tiunoff hisforehcad with tho daintiest of
whtto handkerchiefs, from which emant
ed tho perfume o' violets, "what next
shall I do? Issuo your commands, Mtes
MUs
"Embers, young man, and an espec
ial friend of your master, Mr. Denver.
Well; ns you do not manage tho hoo
adroit enough to bo anything but det
rimental to auntlo's potatoes, you may
ns well tako tho half bushel basket,
gathor thorn up nnd put them in tho
hva, T'.wv nro neanh blows, nnd nro
suro to bring a good prico in tho mar
ket; Mr."
"You may call niff Dob," hosaM, with
a comical grlmaoa. "Mr. Denver calls
mo that."
"Well, Dob, to work! Don't lag, nnd
when noon comos you may sharo my
lunch wltii mo undortho npplo tree."
Quito nn inducement. A feeling of
lmllcrousnoo camo over him, nnd ho
fairly shook with laughter. Was he
laughing at hor? G.xrnot drew herself
up proudly, a spark of flro In her b!g I
dark eyes.
"Wlint mai.es you inun bo immoii
crately, Dob? It is not polite of you,
nnd I chall oortalnly report your ill-bo-liavior
to Mr. Denver."
"Pray don't, Miss Umbers;" with nn
nlTeotrd humility, I couldn't help it; I
indeed I couldn't. If you had scon that I
IIMnvorod hop-toad leap over that po
tato, you'd laugh too. it was so funny.
Tho tond was so small, whereas tf'o po
tato had grown to nn enormoin xlzo-n
regular whoupi-rl Look! Mi- Embers,
tliuro goes tho fellow under that sing
gUmr vino."
"Humph!" wns nil tho nnswrr r?
vouchsafed him ns hIio went on .vlth hor
digging, but sho doubted th othtonco
of tho toad Mid believed ho was making
fun of her.
Tho minutes crept up, 12 o'olotj'
oaillP, anu loo was wining ntvni
ImiiTV. As ''0 omptlert the fourth bu
kotof polntoo ho salils
"It Is noon, now, Miss- Embers, I'm
euro. See! Old -ol Is directly over us.
Come lot us havo our lunoh undor the
flplo treo, I'm ns hungry as a cannl-
"I, too, noknowledgcd Garnet. "Uet
Hint parrel Aondor. Uob, and don't you
'queozo It, olso you'll crush tho cran
berry tarts In it. Aunt Sarah made
them ami sho' a famous pastry cook."
"Cranberry tarts!" his mouili begin
ning to water. You bot I'll hold it
lightly. I am especially fond of them
Kut what delli-noles doos tho luncheon
oontnin. Miss Enibois, prepiirodbyyour
hand.P"
"Not any, Dob," with omothingtliat
sounded iho a High." "I am no butter
t'ook than drossm iker.- Wo have bqtli
rulssod iur voeatlun. I worked two
vunr in Mulmuo Brown's establish
ment onduavoiing to loam how lo out
and mako drcssM, but failed ignomin ,
lously; was therofoto sont homo minus'
a recommendation. So It will bo with
you, Dob." Although a thoroughly
f;ood mnn, Mr. Denver Is a very exaci
ng one, nnd if your work to-day Is a
specimen of wlintyou can do, lui will
not Keep you tn ins servico any longu
than what Is absnlutelv necefsarv,
What up-hill work lifo Is for tho poor!
ucar ruei" i wonitor wnat 1 am good
ior, nnynowr
"Good to look at," ho muttered, un
dor his breath, wlsliln" tlint sho would
toss off tho Minbonnot tlint almost con
cealed hor faco. Then aloud, "good to
dig polntocs, I suppose."
At which both laughed hoirtlly, nnd
togo'her thoy wended tlielr way to tliu
npplo tree, weighing down with golden
ft nit, nt whoso foot tho v woro to partnke
of their lunch. A musicnl streamlet
threaded its way over a pebbly bed,
washing tho roots of tho npplo treo as
it ran merrily on. Here on tho ginss
in sound of its babblinir voice, thov
seated thomselvcs nnd pit pared to par
tako of tho repast which Garnet began
to spread dalntitv out on a newspaper,
first throwing off tho offending sunbon
not, which motion canscd tho red-brown
hair to tumble about her face, making
a picture at which Titian would havo
raved.
DvJupIterl" claoulatod Bob. "sho
Is oven prettier thrin 1 imagined. Sho
is a perfect witch."
Ho had dolled ills sombn ro, nnd his
pleturesquo Moorish face. HlumlnaU-d
by darkly splendid ayes, Garnet thought
tho handsomest In tho world.
"If ho were not hired man," sho
mused, "or even had over so small nn
income, I bolicvo I could lovo him. As
it is, Uio Men is simply ridiculous. I
will sound nlm to soo If ho is ns intel
lectual ns ho looks."
Sho did so, and they fell Into conver
sation so ngrcoablo to" both that tlmo
passed bv unheeded. A man's volco
aroused them. It was Mr. Denver's.
1 Heluh-hol" he cried In a hearty
tono, "having a picnic on a small scale?
Tlagtiy mean of Miss Garnet, not lo ex
tend nn Invitation to your nearest
neighbor. When did you nrrlvoP"
"Last night. And, Mr. Denver," ns
thoy shook hands, "I took tho liberty of
soliciting help from your hired man in
digging a few busliels of potatoes to
tnko to market."
"Hn, ha, ha!" Tho good man's
laugh rang out loud nnd clenr. "Did
vnu really tako him for a hired man?
Why, this is my guest, Mr. Lincoln
ti.o gontleman who owns tho mortgago
on your mint's place. Ho, to uso nn ex
pression in veguo, is fairly rolling In
riches. Hn, hn, ha! mv 'hired man!
Miss Embers. Mr. Lincoln."
Ho strolled away, and the two woro
felt alono. No reply; tlio fair faco was
bulled low In her hands, and Garnot
left as if sho could never mu'et his g uo
again. How enmn slio to mako sueli an
egregious blunder. Well, no apology
would bo admlssihlo now, and she must
bravo it out as well as possible.
"Garnot," and now tho hands wero
removed from tho Hushed faco and held
In his warm ehup, "listen to me. You
havo mado a mistake, and tho only way
you can rectify it is to accept mo as
your friend. 'Will you?"
And plucky little Garnet, with n co
quctish glnnco from under her jot-black
lushes, said:
"I will. That is," with a prottty lics
llatitur voice, "if vnu tako mo nnd nun
lio s potatoes to market with Mr. Den
ver's iMirso. I wish to purchase somo
groceries."
It is needless to say that ho did nssho
desirsil, and lata in November, when
the nil' wns chill nnd kern, ami tho
Hakes eddied to tho ground and eovored
it with a mantlo of white, It iburt Lin
coin presented Mr. Darley with a deed
of tho placo nnd took Garnet nway
with 1...11 to his city homo, where, ns
Ills wife, sho reigns quite royalty, nnd ho
always blesses tlio day when he dug po
tatoes witli hor, nnd sho took him for
Mr. Donvor'n hired man.
The Two llumltts.
October Atlnn'lc,
This, then, is tho story of tho two
Hamlets. Shakspcaro in 1SDQ-1G0O
wroto his great tragedy, founding it
upon tlio plot of nn old play known as
"The Revengo of Hamlet, Princo ot
Denmark," whioh Itsolf wns founded
on nn old story told by Saxo Grammnt
leus. Shakspearo's play, produced In
1000, mado sjch an Impression upon
tlio gontlo and simple, upon tho highly
educated cWssns ns well ns upon tho
public in I'onenil, t :nt it wns nctod not
only nt London, but nt Oxford nnd
Cambrid.e, nnd clsowiierc. Thero wns
nu eneordo-ii'c to read it; but, according
to tlio custom of tlio day, tlio text was
jealously guarded by iu theatrical pro
prietors. UuJer tlscso circumstances
a piratical printer named James Hob
orts soUtinnelf to get for publication a
copy of tlds wonderful play, which nil
tho world wns going to ami talking of;
nnd naturally applying to tlio minor
autors In Shtikspearo'n company, l.o
suueeoiled In corrupting tlio man who
played Voltlmtmd, nnd induced him
to.undertako to got a copy. Ho, how
over, was al)!o to get only fragments,
great ami small. Sm parts of tlio
lay ho gave from memory; coiuo ho
;ot by suri'optitious examination of tlio
.tngc copy ami of nclorV pans: mid all
lis being Mid not enough, James itolr
(.As ha 1 somti ol tho play taken down
lilshort-haiid during tlio performance,
wlioh was very lainoly done. Somo
raJsagos woro tnkou fro n tho old play,
wlilo'i had tho samo plot. This mass
of heterogeneous stuff, somo of it just
nliat tho author wrote, but the gnat)
jittrt of it what no dramatist over wrote,
lis pieced nnd patched together, and
ijArrlodly published, to tlio horror of
William Shakspcaro, nnd so rauoh to
tho injury of tlio tragedy, ns It was
thought, that a "truo nud perfect copy,-"
containing much that novurat any time
was hoard on Sliakspoare's stage, was
Immediately sont to tho piibltshor, who
soon issuod It cured and porfoct of its
limbs and absoluto in Its members, ns
It hud boon conoelved by its great cre
ator, Novor bIiow u fsctious or peremptory
Irritability in small things. Do pattont
if n friend lecops jou wilting. Hear lis
long as you can hiat or draught rather
than nu ko others unoomfortublo. Da
not bo fu'sjr about your supposed rlgh's;
yiold a dlsputod point of precedence.
All society lint to bu mado up of these
concessions; tnoy nio jour numbered
friends in tho loii run. .
WHAT 1H TIIK OAIKf
Wkat Isthvgutnt
If one should run a nohle race,
And at tho last, with weary pace,
I Win to the goal, and Unit his years
A nnrvcsi neiti in w.uiu mm ivur.-,
t f turmoil and ot burled trust,
ltlch wl li dead hopes and bitter dust,
And stilte and s ivcr and ceaseless pain,
What Is tho galnt
What Is tho gain t
When, having reached a sunlit height,
Tlir, ugh barren sweeps of gloomful n'ght,
Hoping to sec beyond the creit
Fair lands of beauty and of rest.
There lies before, stretched far away
Unto the conttnes ot the d.iy
A desolate aud shodclcss plain,
What Is the gain I
W Hsthegalnt
To sail for months of cold and toll
Acioss the w.do seis, where winds recoil,
Only to gather strength and ruar
A louder challenge than bciorc,
And find, when through fogs thick and dun
The rocky coaat at lost Is won,
No haven from the storm vexed, mam,
What Is the galnt
What Is the'calnl
The race Is wont to sec the light,
We conquer where the storm winds njut;
'i ulinw thn wv tn those who Wftlt-1
With faint hearts by the walls of fate;
Our banners flutter In the van
Of battles fought for thought and man,
And Ignorance and darkness wane;
What is the ga'tu
THE GENtSlS OF SLANG.
Some of the Popular Phrases ol Dy-Gono
Days.
New York Blur. ,
Tlio tendency of tlio Americans is and
lias been for many years toward quaint
nnd cxprosslvo "slang" for tho torse
expression of thought. A few years ago
it wns popularly supposed that only the
lower classes of soclnty indulged in this
form of exproislon, but Itsoems at pres
ent to pervado nil grades, nnd tho young
lady of Murray Hill will talk of "tips'
at Joromo Park In a most nonchalant
way, nnil suggests that you "tako n
tumble" or "givo us a rest," with the
most Ingrain of Gotham's coarser word
ings:
Tracing tlicso popular slang phrases
to tholr origin constitutes mi interesting
study, nnd often lends tho explorer Into
tho deepest depths of litcrnturo. Doubt
less thousands of persons havo hoard
tho expression, "wliat will Mrs. Grundy
say?" yet not ono in a thousand is
awaro that it is found in tho tlrst scone
of tho first net of Morton's favorite
comedy, Speed tho Tlow. "Too thin"
is often heard when tho hoarcr wishes
to express a disbolief In a story, and It
may bo found in "Poregrino Pickle,''
wl'icli was publlshod iu London in 1701.
Tho expression is also to bo found in
Slnkespearo'8 Henry VIII., scono I of
net V. "All cry and no wool," a very
common slang expression, is traced di
icctlv to Canto I part I. of Dutler's
"Hudlbras." Tho original reads:
"Ofsucar eiylnc, all cry and no wool."
For tho vory often hoard expression,
"what nro you giving mo?'' indicative
of disbelief no less a courco thnn the
lliblu Is responsible. It may bo found
iu tho thirty-eighth ohaptor of Genesis.
Dy slightly twisting tiio words "In
pejus ru'TO," in tha5 good old Latin
author, Virgil, wo nrrlvo at the saying
"To go to tho bad." "He's a brick"
indicates tlint tlio person spoken of is n
"good fellow," and datos from an ex
pression of King Agesiiaus, who, on a
certain occasion pointing to li is army,
said: "Thoy aro tho walls of Sparta.
Every man thero Is a brick."
"There's millions tn it" comes from
Mark Twalu's novel, "Tho Golden
Ago," and Drot Harto Is rosponslblo
fo "Ways that nro dark and tricks
that aro vain." Many of tho slang
phrases in uso nro local. New York is
responsible for "you bot your boots,"
"yes, bir oo, homo-fly," "Knights of
tlio Green Cloth," and a thousand, liko
oxprosslonB.
Tw onty-llvo years ago ono of tho pop
ular pliraios was "Syksoy, tako tlio
butt." It had itsorgiti in an expression
hy Frank Chanfrau as "Aloso" in Llfo
iu Now York, a vory popular play of
that poriod. "Dy a largo majority" Is
found in Wolfs play of tho Mighty
Dollar. "Step down and out" is at
tilbut d to ltov. Henry Ward Decchor,
and "Not for Joo"' is tlio refrain of a
Londuu concert-hall fong which was
very popularton yoars'iigo. "Dog-gono
it" was horn in Indiana.
From the Immortal Shakcspearo a
great amount of slang Is derived. In
Othello tlio bard speaks of "crocodllo
tears;" ho nlso spiaks of "a party,"
aud from' tlio uxcliinintiou of "Hamlet,"
"you cannot play upon mo," meanlrg
that the person cannot accept tlio truth
of tlio story. "Ho's gone on her" is
only a now way of putting "l'olonliis's"
words r gardlng "Hamlet's lovo for
Opliolla," that ho was "gono; far
gone."
"Giving htm taffy" is popularly sup
posed to bo of recent origin, but it is
really two hundred years old, and has
lieen In uso in London for fully that pe
riod. Among tho men of noto of tho past
decade who havo contributed to the
slang of tho period may bo mentlonod
Androw Johnson, whoso promise, "I'll
bo your Moses," is still heard. "Shoo
1U" was originated by Hen. Butler a
nppll.d to Hon. S S Cox. "On tin
ragged edgo" is tho offspring of Plym
outh's PaMor; "gono whero thoMood
blno twluoth" was originated by Jim
Fisk; "to hell across lots" bolongs U
Urlgham Young; "whero It would di
tho most good" oamo from Oakcs Ames,
when speaking of tlio placing of orodl
mohllior stock; "Tho almighty dollar1'
may ho found in Irving's works, one
"Truthful Janus" comos from Pro
H irte. I'lio regular lum turn propul
capah" was ovolved from tho iniellot-
timl truo Inwardness of Archy Gordon,
feuilletonist nnd Journalist of this city,
Tho following conversation between
cotiplo of nowsboys In Park row will
givo nn idoa of tho American form of
tlio English language, ns Improved uj
to date:
"I told tho 'rooster to 'hump him
self.' "
"Did ho acknowledge tlio com?"
"You hot.' If ho hadn't I'd just 'put
a mansard over his eye' "
"Hold your horsos,' 'he's on his
musclo,' nnd could 'lny you out.' "
" 'Not much.' Hu's only a 'toddv blos
som,' nnd 'hnngs up his landlord.'"
"Thnt's 'smnll potntoos,' nnd If I wns
his landlord I'd 'sit down on him.' '
"That would bo tho 'correct thing.'
l ou f co he's a 'bad egg, 'and I'll 'mako
It warm for him,' 'don't you forgot
It,'"
"All right; 'lot's tako n nip."
"Havo you got 'tho necessary?' "
"ics, i met an om chap who was
'dead gono' on piety, and I played 'In
nocent," ond ho camo down with tho
rhino.' "
It is estimated that two-thirds of the
slang now in uso originated with Eng
lish tramps and thioves and English
writers.
Among thieves thero is a distinct
class of "slang which Is In quite com
mon use. Thoy denominate a sentence
of imprisonment as "air and excivlso,"
and call a drunk a "ball." A ponltcn-
tontlary Is known ns a "boarding
school, "nnd a surgeon is termed a 'bono
setter." Money is known among them
as "chink," nnd a policeman ns a
"cop." ' Darbies" aro hand-cuflV,
'earth bath" is a gravo, and "eternity-
box" is tho proper namo for a collln.
Hemp is denominated "nook-wood;"
a slungshot Is called a "needy,'' whilo
tho head Is known as tiio "dimplo."
When a man dies ho is said to havo
"kicked tho bucket," and wuon ho is
buried ho is said to havo boon "put to
bed with a shovel."
Dy means of this slong tho thioves of
various countries can talk to oaeh other
uudorstnndingly, although Ignorant of
tho languago of tho country in which
thoy happen to bo.
THE OSTHICri.
Two Truthful Stories from tho East of Di
Costive Capacity.
nrooklyn Eagle.
Ono night tlio Caliph of Dagdad, hav-
ng read in an evening paper concerning
tho dlgestivo nccompllshmonts ol nn
ostrich, ordctcd before him nil tho phy
sicians of ids capital, nnd besought
them that thoy iix him up in a similar
mannor, on penalty of losing thoir
head.
Upon hearing this tho physicians fired
themselves at tho foot of the throne, and
having kissed tho horn of tlio caliph's
boot, howled dismally. Surprised at tlio
grief of tho physician', tho commander
of tlio faithful ordered tliom to explain
why thoy kicked up suoh a row. At
this thoy all commenced nt onco, each
claiming that ho was tlio bos of tho oc
casion, and in charge of tlio case; so tho
grand vizior flipped up a cent to estab
lish by lot tlio ordorof thelrproecdenee.
This having been dono, tho caliph com
manded tho winner to proceed, wiio
tints started in:
"Thero was onoe, O mighty Caliph!
an ostrich of Ualsora, who foryoars had
refreshed himself on tho pot-Hds nnd
glass bottlos, but who, becoming tired
of Hits diot, nnd hiving an nppotito for
clams and shot towers, took a journey
to Cairo, On tlio journoy ho was fain
to cat roo's oggs nnd brass castlos, nnd
when ho arrived ho wxs so dono up with
fatiguo and hunter that ho was well
pleased to cat tlio clerk of tho caravan
sary at which ho sojourned. It hap
pened that tills clerk was a magician,
aud when ho found himself in the stom
ach of this ostrich ho turned himself
into agoipol temporatico society, which
nndo tho ostrich so thirsty that ho drank
up four oooans and a couple of gross of
rivers, and finally busted."
Tho oalipti, onragod at tho physlchn
for what ho hail told, ordered him
driven it.to tlio ground likonpog, which
being d'ino, ho comm uuled tlio second
to procoul, who thus whooped:
"Know, then, O Conimandor of tho
Faithful, that tho perilous r.dventures
of D.imasous nro greater than nny yot
rotated. Oao day, having o:iton n mac
adamized road, lie turned for a w:lk iu
tho country, and Slicing buforo him a
D iptist chin c!i, built ot rubies and dia
monds nnd emeralds, ho entered and
found tho devotees wero having nn oyster
supper, with grab-hag attachments nnd
casting lots for a c.iko with a ring in it.
Seeing tills, lie paid four sequins at tlio
door, which included grub, i ml onteivd.
As tho young girls approached 111 in, ho
uto thorn up, or down, wliinhovor wiy
salesladii h at oliureh fairs go when thoy
die; nnd, f cling still uus ttUlleil, ho
called for ids supper. Straightway they
brought him an oyster stow in a barret,
which contained ono oyster. Now this
oyster was a dragon which had hoped
to be caton by a young lady, so that ho
could enjoy her heart without being
compelled to bltu through her corsets.
When the dragon found that ho had
been eaten by tho ostrich instead, lie
became vory angry, nnd noticing somo
f tho ladies tho ostrich had consumed
walking along tlio mncadcmlzod road
and crjing becauso tho ostrich hnd'n:
swallowed the mlnlstor too, ho betook
liimsolf to sotting up a job. roIntin
to tho stumps of tlio quills sticking in
the o4iloh's tlesh, ho told thorn of tholr
vnluo, and brought them to nvall them
solves ot tlio opportunity loenrloh thorn
solves. Tho girls dug around tho stumps
with hairpins until tnoy could get a nip,
nnd tho leathers poured In luxuriant
profusion. Tho ostrich looked in and
watched himself disappear In profound
nmnzoment, until ho was liko a bad egg,
i ho lo itliers nil insldo. In ordor to re
lieve himself of this inconvenience, ho
iiirned himself insldo out, 'orgotting
that In that way ho impaired tlio utility
of ills legs nud wings, si that when ho
undertook to lly ho couldn't stier him-
iu f, and dash ng through tlio faco ot
i ho court homo clock la Damascus, ko
was ground Into feather-beds by machin
cry. Thus wo should beware, O callnh
of flying from tho nppotitcs wo havo to
uiuso i rum whoso uoiirno no iravcicr
has yet remitted to his creditors."
Tlio caliph was delighted witli this
story, and granted tho physician his
head which lie cut off nnd handed to
him, nnd ordered creat reioiclinrs
mroiigiiout ins capital mat tlio caliph
had (.scaped thu consequences of his
wish for the stomach of an ostrich.
OELMONICO,
How tho Late Restaurateur Conducted His
Business.
Yorklttrstd.
On ono occasion Mr. Delmonico
talked frcoly with a representative of
tlio Herald, who said:
"What wanes do you pay, Mr. Del
monico?"
"Ten thousand dollars and more tho
first of every month."
'What rent?"
'All told $100,000 a yonr. You sco,
bcsldos our houses wo havo thrco groat
wino collars down town. Wo get wines
and liquors by tho 100, 200, .100 casks
at a tlmo, nnd enn buy direct much
cheaper than any other dealers horo can
nfford to sell us."
"Do hnrd times affect you nny?"
"Yes, Indeed, nnd mnlnly In wines.,
remember tho tlmo when I walked
through tlio rooms nud saw from onu to
tl rco bottles of wino on every table.
Now If wo hear a cork pop wo turn to
sco whero it is and then It's generally
a bottlo of Bass.
'Somo of your orders nro silly, I sup
pose?"
Yes, Indeed. Wo often give dinners
tlint cost .?100 a bond. Why, some
times tho flowers cost 920, nnd I have
paid as high as $20 for each and overy
bill of farol Yon know tho mottoes thoy
havo for tlio ladies. Well, thoro are
peoplo who pay as high as 810 each tor
those things. So you sco It does not
tako long to run up to $100 inthat
way."
Dolmonlco got up many a dinner
for A. T. Stowart, but no matter what
temptations were prepared forthoguost
tho invanablo dish for tno host was a
Implo chop, with possibly a plato of
chicken broth. Mr. Stowart dined many
notod peoplo, among thorn ofton Gen.
Giant. When tho lato Andy Johnson
as swinglns around tho circle ho was
festively dined in Delmonlco's, and aftor
tlio dinner hold a reception. Ho was
full of fun, nt nil events, aud kopt his
friends In roars of merriment. Aftor
thoy woro nil cono ho ca led to his sor-
ant to "Como to bed." Mr. Delmon
ico told tho president tlint after his sor
vant had undressed him tho waiter
would show him his room. "No, ho
won't said Andy, "I'll uudrcss raysolf,
hut that boy sleeps in my room and
nowhere clso to-night, nnd that I toll
you." That ended It, nnd tho colored
nttondaut shared with his master tiio
best room in tlio Jintiso, Among tlio
regular patrons is counted "Sorosls."
Not tlint Sorosls spouds any considera
ble amount of monoy at its llttlo lunches
or oven at its annual festivity; but So
rosls is a fca'uro of any placo It makes
its homo. College boys liko tho hospi
tal ty of Delmonlco's, nnd nt certain
seasons of tlio year many a hardened
ear in tlio dining-room below is pierced
by tlio jolly shouts of tlio under-gradit
ntcs up stairs, and many n hardening
heart is touched by tho memory of days
and nights mainly nights gono by,
whon tho saiuo songs and tho samo hur
rah-boys choruses woro tho regular
thing with thorn at Harvard, Yalo or
Princeton. .
Tlio lato Col. Fisk was not a regular
patron of Delmonlco's. Ho wont fur
ther up town, but now, and then ho
spilled over from his bowl of bounty
thero. On ono ocnslon, at 4:30 r. M.,
ho callod at tho office. "Cliarloy," ho
said, "I want a tiptop stand-up lunch,
with flowers nnd all that sort of tiling
psorved In tho Erio biillillnr for 150 men
nt CiHO,"
"That's two hours from now."
"Well, a groat deal can bo dono In
two hours."
"All right, colonol, I'll do It; but It
will bo an exponslvo job for you."
"Who said anything about tho cost?
You do it, anil I'll pay for it."
Of course tlio lunch was served, and
oqnnlly of courso tho $1,600 bill was
paid.
At another lime, when Fisk was work
ing up tlio ntntli regiment, a ball was
given at tlio Academy, and Fisk was
anxious that Delmonico should furnish
tho suppur. They declined on tho
ground that thoro was no profit in it.
How much guaranteodoyou want?"
aid Jim.
'A thousand dollars," said Dolmon
lco.
All right," replied Fisk, "I'll tako
600 supper th kcts;" and ho did.
Tho j ing potentates novor favored
Delmonlco's up-town houso much, but
r-pont thousands of dollars In tho Cham
bers streot place. Petor D. Sweeny used
to go thoro whon ho wished to bu quiet
nnd by liimsolf. Tho last tlmo ho
called ho nearly completed a bargain
with Delmonico by which tho latter was
to tako Potor'sThirty-fourthstrcotpiop-
crty for a restaurant.
When Tweed's daughter Was to bo
married tho old man callod on Delmon
ico two months In ndvanco, and with
out mentioning terms, simply said: "I
want a suppor, good one, for my daugh
ter's wedding; fiOO pooplo. Good day."
Tlio day utter tho supper was served ho
called aud paid for It.
"Do you koop your peoplo a long
time?" Mr. Djlmonlco was onco naked.
"Somo of thorn."
"Tlio .cooks how about thomF"
"Wo'l, 1 pay tho present head oook
$1,000 a year; his predecessor $0,000.
Tho uthor cooks get from $15 to f 30 a
woek."
"What do yon givo tho head waiter?"
"Fifteen hundred dollars aad hk
board and lodging. Tho tablo-walton
get $30 a month, and avcrago $C0 in
fees. I wanted to transfer one of thorn
from tlio saloon to tho bar, raisins him
from $30 to $00, but ho wouldn't go
becauso ho mado $90 whero hn was."
Art Indian Ouel.
A telegram from Llttlo Hook, Arkan
sas, says that tho celebrated Choctaw
chief, Carpenter, is dead. Tho report
comas via Fort Smith, Ark. Tho causo
of his demiso Is attributed to wounds
received In a duel fought by Cirpnntcr
somo wcoks slnco with Col. J. T. Prloo,
noar tho Pino Creok Indian asoncv.
Tho details of tho duel aro tho strang
est on record. The two got into a quar
rel nbout somo trivial matter, when
Prlco called Carpenter a liar. VTncrc-
upon tho chief responded: "Your blood
hall wash out tills limit
Prico answered fiercely: "My blood
Is yours wliqu ynu hnvo power to tako
It."
Prico oflorod to fight it out I it on and
thoro, but tho chief refused, saying
coldly:
"Meet mo nt tuts spot to-morrow."
"When?" Prico asked.
"When tlio sun shines nbovo the top
of
yon tree," responded Carpenter,
nolntlng to a plum treo ns ho spoke.
At that hour .stand hero nnd you will
see me."
Thoy separated. Tho report of the
quarrel nnd tho intended duel spread
far nnd wide, nnd by sunriso tlio suc
ceeding morning n lariro crowd hid
gathorcd upon tho Fpot to witness tho
strango scone.
Prico nrrlveil first on tho Hold. Ho
as quickly followed by Carpenter who
ppoared just as tho sun roso above tho
tree-tops and Illuminated tho open
spaco upon which Prico had stood.
Doth men drew thoir pistols. Not a
word was spokon. liaising tholr weap
ons, thoy both fired almost slmnlUne-
Carpentor roolod, but rallying,
thoy both fired again. This timo Prioo
foil dead in his tracks. Tho crowd pros
ed forward with a wild shout. As
thoy did so tho chief fell on tho ground
scnsolcss. A bullet had entered his
breast; blood gtishod from his mouth.
and ho was thought to bo dyln j. Prico
had boen shot through tho heart. Tho
chief had tho benefit of high medical
skill and recovered, If his death, as
reported, bo truo, ho has fallen a vic
tim to his enemy. Tho annnls of tho
Indian nation ooutain no moro extraor
dinary ovent than this duel.
Chief Carpenter was a splondid spoo-
Imon of Indian manhood. Ho was tall
nnd straight and comoly. Ho was well
educated and possossod natural talonta
which placed him bond and shouldor
nbovo nonrly nil of his Indian nssooiatc
as well as tho moro cultured wbito man
cyond tho bordfr.
Humour urinKf,
KowVorlcKfriiM
IIow much longer will tho Amorlcan
peoplo delight wildly in bting hum
bugged by varioiuj drinks with high
sounr.ing names? Scarcely a yoar
passes without tho protended discovery
of a spring wiioso waters will euro
overy ill that flesh is 1 oir to. As for
artificially compounded waters and
tonics, their names would fill wholo
c lumns of tho JleraUl. Thoro bcoius
to bo a rago for waters tlint taste Ilk
somothing. In bar-rooms mcu gener
ally prefer bad liquor to good beoausa
it has moro taste, whilo at places whore
tomporanoo drinks nro sold people will
ordor almost anything fluid Ittor,
flat or nauseous If only it ha. a tast
of Its own. All this is pleasant for poo
plo who indulgo in such fanolos and
havo money with which to pay for
thorn, but pooplo who havo no monoy
to spare constitute tho majority In thus
world, and thoy nro being sndly choat
od by humbug drinks. Tlio person
who needs somothing strongor than
coffeo, tea or water does not nood a
fancy drink; ho needs to consult a doc
tor. "Itakomy tox dis morning," said a
colored preaoiier, "from dat po'iion ob
do Scripture wliar do Postol Paul pints
his pistol to do F"lnn'."
Do noi neglect a au ... w,,.,. ..o.i's Ex
tract of Tir and Wild Cherry Is a standard
remedy In all throat, astlioutlc and bronchial
affections, and has save 1 many valuable Urea.
It never falls to give satisfaction. Sold br all
Druggists.
Uncle Sam's ,ui,u a.u uinlmeit to
most eUlcleut In HbeuinaUsm, llruised, liurns,
Scratches and nuny other Ills Incident to man
aud beast. 8oM iir r-.,.'-.
Save your iuh.u. ,v ..., , (th Unci
Barn's llanvwaOlli which will keep It soft and
pliable. Tnls Is the best oil ercr mado for
leather. BoM hy all in-..- c '-...
Dr. Jaquti'Bu.iiuu i ...... . ...rd an effec
tual and safe remedy for worms. They are
pleasant to takoaiul not onlydestroy the worms,
but remove all traces of iUita from thn system
leaving tlio child healthy ami strong. Titer are
warranted tn givo perfect satisfaction. Soul by
Dnnqrtsts.
Uncle Siiur oojaiu.i.. . ........ ,.. events dis
ease, purities the blood, Improves the appetite,
elves a smooth glossy coat, and keeps the ant
mil In good condition. All Dni?irlsta sell It.
For Ueadacuu, (Amauutiuu,i.i,ci' Complaint
and all bilious derangements of the blood, there
Is no remedy as sure and safe as Ellert'i Day
light Liver PUls. They stand unrivalled to
removing bile, toning the stomach and la giv
ing healthy action to the liver. Bold br all
Druggtata.
ut. wiiicucu'a iuutum- u,..h aas never
failed to
ifivo immeuiaio reuri wn
hen used tn
cases of Hammer Complaint, Cbolera-tafantom
IB
D:
or
nins in inu stomacn.
Mothers' when your
tittle darlings are suffering from theso or kin
dred causes do not hesitate to idve It a trial.
you will surely be pleased with the charming
effect, lie sura to buy Dr. Wlnchell's Toetblajr
Syrup. Bold by all Dn'gglsU, only as eta per
nnTri.
WttrruiituU!
Mill
c
On In a ilAttlA.
t
OR N
U RE
Nuro t'urr.
TRY IT !
No Cure, Nj Pay.
IfroardniKilK won't order Is tosJ ItM aid M
I bottles, ctiarxes pnptlil
NORMAN MEDICINE CO., Vop.,
Dee Mulnaa, Iowa
1 Oralo. ihiMjiapilrallir t ultr. Ot 'xiT
UijaudMaSKM., ill, Mala, rraoimla oiAitMt,