Newspaper Page Text
Tho Lincoln County Herald
rUDLISIIED EVERT THURSDAY BT THEO. O. FISHEJK.. LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD. Ono Squaro (10 tlncs)erleis,one Insertion. ..$1 0 Each additional insertion 7S Administrators' Notices 4 00 Final Settlement Notices -. 4 0 Stray Notices (single strajr) 4"0l) Each additional stray In tame notice 1 SO 1.30 A YEAR IN ADVANCE. 81NOXI2 COPIE FIVE CENTS.' VOL. 5. TROY-, MO., THURSDAY, JULY 21, 1870. NO. 29. j6 A Liberal Deduction' will bo mado to yearly advertisort. , TlillM Ol' AI'VIMI rittlRO. R. H. NORTON, ATTORNEY AT tAW, TttOV, MISSOURI, VIL1. tiractlco In the Courts of tbo Tblrd Judicial DUtrlct. n2lq5 JV. P. MINOR, ATTORNEY AT LAW, IjODISIA na, mo., WItiti practice In the countlei of Callaway, Montgomery, Lincoln, Pike and Hall. A. V. McKBB. WM. F11AZIER. MeREE & FRAZIEIt, ATTORNEY 8 AT LAW, TROY, MISSOURI AV11I practice In alt the eountlcs of the Third Judicial Circuit, and In the Supremo Court of tho BUtc inch! ly F. T. WILLIAMS, ATTORNEY AT LAW AND NOTAHY PUIIIIC, TIIUXTON, MISSOURI. January 1, 1869 Inly Dr. J. C. GOODRICH, IDEJSTTIST, WENTZV1LLE, MO. WILL ho in Troy to praotice hit profession from time to tlmo. Due notico of thcio Wsita Herald, rill bo glrcn In tho local columnt of the fob25nS DR. J. L. DOOGETT, Surgeon IDeixtlMl, TROY, MO., IS PREPARED to do all kinds of Dental work in a substantial manner. Occidental Hotel r Cn.i-niifiiN, Mo. It. C. MAGltUDEM - . Proprietor. rpTIS HOTEL Is now open for tho aecomoda 1 tion of tho travelling public. Woli-lur-ntfhcd tables and ncut, corafuiulublc upartmontn. nplV70nl5yl G. L. COLLIER PHOTOGRAPHER, TROY, MISSOURI. Persons wishing work done will be given per fect satisfaction. piT" Old pictures copied. May 19, 1870 n20 A. H. DUCKiVER, ATTOUNEY AT LAW, ST. CHARLES, MO.,. M ill attend to any professional business in tho Courts uf Lincoln u,.-,.untiromer.v and unarles, and in tho District and Supreme Cuurts. vinlyl C. E. PEERS, ATTOK N'MY AT LAW, WtRREiTON, MO., Will practice in tho Courts of Lincoln, Warren and Montgomery. v5nlwG GEO. j. BETTS & CO., House and Sign Painters, Paper Hangers &c, 213 Market si reel, St. Louis. JNO. B. KNOX, TROY, MISSOURI. Dealer in Bills of Exchange, Pro missory Notes and other Securi rities. Dep:sits received, payable on call. U. S. MAIL AND Daily Hack Line BETWEEN TROY & WENTZVILLE, ux Jacob Hartmatu HAVING taken the eontraet for carrying the mall between Troy and Wentivllle, I will irun a dally Hack Lino between tho places for the accommodation of the traveling poblio and my friends. I have an excellent new hack, and will make prompt connection with the up and down trains on the North Missouri railroad. My .sianaing.nr.ror passengers win be ONE DOLLAR. 'Hack will commence running July lit, 1870. JACOB UARTMAN. MILLINERY! SPRING FASHIONS, Mrs, Mary Sedlacek The attention of Ladies especially is called to my complete stock of Milliuert Goods, consisting of the very LATEST STYLES of lion nets. Hats, Trimmings, Scc, &c. JPrices within the means of all. Call and examine my Stock; if beauty, deUcmoy of taste and new ness of style will please, you need A - - . J! ' . 7 not go avjay uumppoiniea. April 21, LS70r-nl. From the Friend's Intelligencer. I "The flowery spring, the summer's ardent , strength, and tbo sober autumn fading Into age No more our yean oar youthful yean In rippling currents run, Like some bright stream that leapt along, Sparkling beneath the sun. Llfo's morning, llko the early dew That vanlsheth ero noon, Has faded towards tho western sky, How rapidly and soon I As passing down the evening ralo We turn a backward gate, And tiro in memory o'er ng.ln Tho cailior, fresher days. Wo do not grioro or sorrow that Thoy all havo passed away, Or that tho summer flowers hare crowned TheTerduro ol the May; Or that tbo autnmn comos npaeo With sere and witherod loaves, Vnd wears her queenly coronal Amid the gathered sheaves. eiyrl hffti With chm and icy breath, Wo know that 'ncath Us froien veil Is hid tbo flowor and wreath. Thus, as the varying seasons roll, Eaeh in its period blest, Should human souls pass on with hope To their Eternal rost. E. Avibili.. From "Lltllo Women." MEG'S DOMESTIC EXPERIENCE. Like most other young matrons, Mot; began her married life with tho determi nation to bo a model housekeeper. John should find homo a paradiso ; ho should always too a BUiiliug face, should fare sumptuously every day, and never know tho loss ol a button, oho brought so much love, energy, and cheerfulness to the work, that oho could not but succeed, u spite oi somo obstacles, lier paradiso was not a tranquil one ; for tbo littlo wo man fusicJ. wus over anxious to please, and bustled about like a true Martha, cumbered with many cares. Slio was too tired, somtimcs, even to smile; John grow djBpoptie after a course of dainty dishes, and ungratefully demanded plain faro. As for buttons, she soon learned to wonder where they went, to shako her head over tho carelessness of men, and to threaten to tnuko him sew them on him self, and then see if his work would stand mpaticnt tugs and clumsy finders any better than hers. They were very happy, oven after they discovered that they could not livo on love I.IHH oba-dui-irut nnvr meg s beauty diminished, though she beamed at him Irom behind tho familiar colFeo-pot ; nor did Meg miss any of tho rouanco from the daily parting, when her husband fol lowed up his kiss with tho tender inquiry, shall I send homo vcul or mutton tor din ner, darling f 1 ho little bouso ceased to bo a glorified bower, but it became a home, and the young couplo soon felt that it was a change tor tho better. At brst thoy played keep house and frolicked over tt like children ; then John took steadily to business, feeling tho cares of tbo bead of a family upon bis shoulders; and Meg laid by bcr cambrio wrapper, put on a big apron, and fell to work, as before said, with more energy than dis cretion. Whilo tho cooking mania lasted, she went through Mrs. Cornelius' Iteoipo liook as it it was a mathematical cxcrciso. working out tho problems with patience and care, sometimes ber family were invited to help cat up a bounteous feast ol successes, or liotta would be pnvutely despatched with a batch of failures. which wero to be concoalcd from all eyes, in the oonvcnicnt Btomach of the little Hum mela. An evening with John over the account hooks usually produced a tempo rary lull in tho culinary enthusiasm, and a frugal fit would onsue, during whioh tho poor man was put through a course of bread pudding, hash, snd warmed over ootTce, which tried his soul, although he boro it with praiso-wortliy fortitude Before tho golden mean was found, how- over, Meg added to her domestio posses sions wuai young coupies seldom gei along without a family tar. iftred with a housewifely wish to see her storo-room stooked with home-made preserves, she undertook to put up her own ourram jeny. uonn was requested to order home a dozen of little pots, and an oxtra quantity of sugar, for their own currants were ripe, and were to be at tended to at once. As Jobn firmly bo lieved that "my wife" was equal to any thing, and took, a natural pride in her skill, ho resolved that she should be grat ified, and tbelr own orop of frutt laid by in a most pleasing form for winter use. Home oamo four dozen delightful little pots, half a barrel of sugar, and a small boy to piok tho currants for hor. With her protty hair tucked into a little cap, arms bare to tho elbow, and a oheoked apron which had a coquettish look in spite of tho bib, the young housewife felt to work, fcolingno doubts about ber success ; for hadn't she seen Hannah do it hun dreds of times? The array of pots ratbor amazed her at first, but John was ro fond of jelly, and the niee little jars would look o well on tho top shelf that Mog resolved to fill them all, and so spent a long day picking, boiling, straining, and fuising ovor hor jelly. She did her host; sho asked advico of Mrs. Corne lius j she racked her brain to rcmembor what Hannah did that she bad left un dono; sho re boiled, re sugared, and ro stained, but that dreadful stuff wouldn't "jell." She longed to run homo, bib and all, and ask mother to lend a hand, but John and she bad agreed that they would never annoy any ono with their private worries, experiments or quarrels. Thoy had laughed over tho last word as if tl.O idea it suggested was a tcoat preposterous one, but they bad bold to their resoivo, and whenever they could get on without holp thoy did so, and no one intorlcrcd but thoy bad bold to the .. -T a tor airs. March bad advised tbo plan So Meg wrestled alonowith the refractory sweetmeats all that hot rummer day, and at fivo o'clook sat down in her topsy turvy kitchen, wrung her bedaubed hands, lifted up her voice, and wept. Mow in tho brst flush ot tbo new life, she had often said My husband shall always fed frco to bring a friend home whenever ho likes. I shall always bo prepared ; thero shall be no flurry, no scolding, no di'coinfdrt, but a neat house, a cheerful wifo and a good dinnor. John, dear, novcr stop to ask my leave; invite whom you please, and bo sure of a wolcome from mo. How charming that was, to bo suro I John quite glowod with prido to hear her say it, and folt what a blessed thing it was to iiuvu n superior wito. uui, aitnougn they had company from timo to time, it never happened to bo unexpected, and Meg had never had an opportunity to distinguish herself, till now. It always happens so in this valo of tears ; it really would have been unpardonable in him to choose that day, of all tho days in tho year, to bring a friond homo to dinner unexpectedly. Congratulating himself that a handsome repast had been ordered that morning, feeling suro that it would be ready to the minute, and indulging in pleasant anticipations of the charming cttect it would produce, when his pretty wifo camo running out to meet him, he escorted his friend to his mansion, with the irrepressible satisfaction ot a yuung ho:t and husband. It is a world of disappointments, as John discovered when ho- reached the Dove-coto. Tho front door usually stood hospitably open; now it was not only shut, but locked, and yesterday's mud still adorned tho steps. Tho parlor win dows wero closed and curtained, no picturo of the pretty wifo sewing on the piazza, in white, with a distracting little bow in her hair "or a bright eyed hostess, smiling a shy welcomo as she greeted her guest. Nothing of the sort for not a soul appeared, but a sanguinary looking boy asleep under the currant bushes. 1 m alraid something has happened; step into tho garden, Scott, while 1 look up Mrs. Urooko, said John, alarmed at tho silence, and solitude. Round tho house ho hurried, led by pungent smoll of burnt sugai, and Scott strolled alter him, with a queer look on Hja (ana 11a r-..-.l ab u UIO- tanco when Urookc disappeared, but ho could both see and hear. and. being bachelor, enjoyed the prospect mightily. In the kitchen reigned confusion and despair ; one edition of jolly was trickled Irom pot to pot, another lay upon tbo floor, and a third was burning gaily on the stove. Lotty, with Tuetonic phlegm, was calmly eating bread and currant wine, for tho jelly was still in a hopelessly liq uid slate, whilo Mrs. Brooke, with her apron over bcr bead, sat sobbing dis mally. "My dearest girl, what is the matter?" cried John, rushing in with awful visions of scalded bands, sudden news of afnio tion ; and secret constornation at tho thought of tho guest in tho garden. "Ob, John, 1 am so tired, and hot, and cross and worried I 1 vo been at it till I'm all worn out. Do como and help mc or I shall ;" and the exhausted houso- wifo cast horsclf upon his breast, giving him a sweet welcomo in every sense of the word, for her pinafore had been bap tizod at tbo same fount as the floor. "What worries you, dear r Hits any thing droadful happened?" asked the anxious John, tenderly kissing the crown of tbo littlo cap, which was all askew. "Yes," sobbod Meg, despairingly. "Tell mo quick, then ; 'don't cry ; can bear anything better than that ; out with it, love. "The the jolly won't jell and I don't know what to 'do I" , John Brooke laughed then as ho nevor dared to laugb afterword; and tho dons ive Seott smiled involuntarily as ho heard the hearty peal, which put the finishing stroke to poor Meg e woe "la that all ? Fling it out oi tho win dow and don't bother any more about it I'll buy you quarts, if youwousilj but lor heaven s sake don t have hysterics for 1 vo brought Jack Scott homo to dinner, and " Jobn got no further, for Mog east him off,' and olasped her, hands with a tragic gestures she fell Into a chair, exolalm ing in a tono of mingled indignation, ro proaob, and dismay "A man to dinner, and everything in a mess. Jobn urooko, bow oould you do such a thing t "tlush, ho s in tho garden ; 1 forgot the confounded jelly, but it can t bo helped now," said John, surveying tho prospect with an anxious eye. "You ought to havo sent word or told me this morning, and you ought to have remembered bow busy I was," continued Meg petulantly ; for even turtle doves will peck when ruffled. "I didn't know it this morning, and there was no time to send word, for I met him on the way out. I never thought of asking leave, when you bavo always told me to do as 1 line. 1 never tried tt be fore, and hang me if I ever do again I added John, with an aggrieved air. "1 should bopo not I Take mm awe at once ; I can't see him, and there isn any dinnor." Well, I like that! Where's the beef and vegetables I font home, and the Dud ding you promised?" cried John rushing to tho larder. "I hadn't time to cook anything ; meant to diucat mother's. I'm sorry and Meg's tears be. o - ... ... . Jobn was a mild man, out no was hu man ; and after a long day s work, to como homo tired, hungry, and hopeful, to find cbaotio bouso, an empty table, and a cross wife, was not exactly conducivo to repose of mind or manner, llo restrained himself, howovcr, and tho littlo squall would have blown over, but for one un lucky word. "Its a scrape, 1 acknowledge; but u you will lend a hand, wo'll pull through, and havo a good time yet. Don't cry, dear, but just exert yourself a bit, and knock us up something to cat. wo ro both as hungry as hunters, so wo shan't mind what it is. Uivo us tho cold meat, and cheeso Wo won't ask for jelly." He meant it for a good natured joke ; but that one word scaled his fate. Meg thought it was too cruel to hint about her sad failure, and tbo last atom ot pa tience vanished as ho spoko. rou roust get yourself out ot tno scrapo as you can ; 1 in too used up to exert myself for any one. It's like a man, to propose a bono and vulgar bread and cheese for company. I won't have any thing of the sort in my house. Take that Scott up to mother's, and tell him In away, sick, dead, anything 1 won t see him, and you two can laugh at me and my jelly as uiuob as you liko ; you won t havo anything else hero ; and haviug delivered her defiance, all in ono breath, Meg cast awav her pinafore, and pro cipitatcly Toft tho field to bemoan herself iu her room. What theso two creatures did in her absence, sho never knew ; but Mr. Scott was not taken "up to mother s, and when Meg descended, after they had trolled away together, sho found traces of a promiscuous lunch which filled her with horror. Lotty roported that they had eaten "a lunch, and greatly laughed ; and the master bid her throw away all the ajveut stuff, and hido tho pots." Meg longed to go and tell her mother ; but a sonso uf shame at her own short- corn ngs, of loyaty to John, "who might be cruel, but nobody should know, ro- strained her; and al'tora summary clean ing up, she dressed herself prettily and sat down to wait for -John to come and be forgiven. Unfortunately, John didn t come, not seeing tho matter in that light. Ho had carried it off as a good joko with Scott ; excused his littlo wifo as he could, and played the host so hospitably, that his friend, enjoyed the impromptu dinner, and S remised to como again. Hut John was "gry,- tuuuKu i. -u.-i ... !. ;, , i, felt that Meg bad got him into a scrape, und then deserted him in this hour of need. "It wasn't fair to tell a m:in to bring folks home any time, with perfect freedom, and when ho took you at your word, to flaro up and bluzo at him, and Icavo him in the lurch, to bo laughed at or pitied. JMo, by Uoorgo, it wosu 1 1 and -Meg must know it." Ho had fumod inwardly during tho feast, but when the flurry war over, and ho strolled home, after seeing Scott off, a milder mood camo over bim. "I'oor little thing I It was bard upon hor when she tried so heartily to pleaso mc. Sho was wrong of course, but then she was young. I must be pa tient and teach her." He hoped she bad not gone homo bo hated gossip and in terference. For a minuto ho was ruffled at tho mere thought of it; and then the Icar that Meg would cry herself sick sof tened bis heart, and sent him on at a quioker pace, resolving to bo culm anJ kind, but hrm, quite nrm, and show bcr where sbo had failed in her duty to ber BpOUSO. Meg iikcwtso resolved to be "calm and kind but nrm, and show bim bis duty Sho longod to run meet him, and beg par don and be kissed and comforted, as she was sure of being ; but, of courso, sho did nothing of the sort, and when sho saw Jobn coming, began to bum quite natur ally, as sho rooked and sewed like a lady ot leisure in her best parlor. John was a little disappointed not to find a tender Niobe ; but feeling that his dignity demanded the first apology, ho made none; only camo leisuriy in, and laid himself upon the sofa, with tho sin gularly relevant remark "Wo are going to nave a now moon mv dear." ni Ilva no objection," was'Meg's equally sooting remark. A few other topics of general interest were introduced by Mr. Urooke, and wet blanketed by Mrs. Brooko, and oonversa tion languished. John weut to one win dow, unfolded his paper, and wrapped himself in it, figurativefrtpeaking. Meg wont to the other window, and sewod as if now rosettes for her slippers wero among' tbo' necessaries of life. Neither spoke both looked quite "calm and hrm, and both leu desperately uooom fortablo. ''Oh, dear," thought Meg, "married life is very trying, and docs need infinite patienco as well as love, as mother says." 1 bo word "mother " suggested other ma ternal counsels eivon long ago, aud ro oeived with unbelieving protests. "Jobn is a good man, but be has his faults, and you must learn to see and bear with them, remembering your own. Ho is very decided, but never will bo obsti nato, if you reason kindly, not oppose impatiently. He is very accurate, and particularly about tho truth a good trait though you call bim fussy, never ue ceive him by look or word, Meg, and ho will give you the confidence you deserve, tho. support you need. He has tempor, not like ours, ono flash, and then all over, but the white, still anger that is seldom stirred, but once kindled is hard toquenob. Be careful, very careful, not to wake this anger against yourself, tor poaco and hap piness depend ou keeping his respect. but I was so busy," can strain. Watoh yoursolf, be tho first to ask pardon tt. i . i. .1 tt.A 11 VOU UUIIl vrr, auu uuuiu uuuiuo. ..iu vou littlo oiaucs. misunderstandings, auu hasty words which often pave tho way for bitter sorrow and rcgrot." Theso words came back to Meg. as she sat sewing in tbo sonset, especially the last. This was the brst serious disagree ment; ber own hasty speeches sounded both silly and unkind, as sho recalled them, her own anger looked childish now, and thoughts of poor John coming home to such a scene quite melted her ncart. Sho glanced at him with tears in her eyes, but ho did not see them ; sho put down hor work aud got up thinking. "I will bo tho first to say, 'forgivo me,' but e did not seem to hour hor ; she wont very slowly across tho room, for prido was hard to swallow, and stood by him, but till ha did not turn his bead. Dor a minuto sho felt as if sho really couldn't do tt ; thon came tho thought, "lliis is our first boitinning; 1 11 do my part and bavo nothing to reproach myself with ;" and stooping down she softly kissed her husband on tho forehead. Of course (hat settled it; tho penitent kiss was bettor than a world of words, and John had her on his knee in a minuto, saying tenderly "It was too bad to laugh at the poor littlo jelly pots ; forgivo me, dear, I never will again I" iiut bo did, oh, bless you, yes, hun dreds of times, and bo did Meg, both declaring that it was the sweetest jelly they ever made ; for family peace was preserved in that little family jar. After this, Meg bad Sir. Scott to din ner by special invitation, aud served him up a pleasant feast without a cooked wife for the fi.bt eour.-e; on whioh occasion sho was so gay and gracious, and tnado everything go off so charmingly, that Mr. Scott told John he was a happy fellow, and shook his head over tho hardships of bachelorhood all the way homo Honor Sacrificed at (he Surluo ofLove. The Prince of Schleswig UoUtcin las petitioned tho King of l'russia to reduce him to the rank of Count, uud take from him tho title, the privileges, and tho restrictions of princely rank. There is a woman in the case, and the story culminates in this pleasant little bit ot personal gossip, ibo rrinco has only recently r turned from India, where ho has been for several years engaged in scientifio researches. Savan liko, his first thought on reaching home was ol his library, wbtch bo lound in a very dusty, musty, jumbled up and neglected conditiou. He went to work to bring ii t nf tliiu literacy . W-ttfcmou found that ho must havo help, but who was worthy to touch his beloved books? In bis perplexity ho applied to tbo stow ard, who at first declared that there was nobody in that out of the way place com petent to the task of sorting, classifying and arranging a scientific and classical library ; but at last ho bethought him self of bis daughter's governess, tho only person likoly to ronder any service in such a caso. Tho young lady was sent for, and began work under. tho dlreotion of tbo Prince, who, as time wore on, dis covered in this demure young person such a fund of versatile knowledge, com bined vith real solid information, cheer ful good sense, domestio virtues, and sweet looks, that ho camo to tbo couclu- that at last here was the proper porson to aid bim, not only iu sotting his library to rights, but also in reducing all tho otbor tangled up affairs ot his lilo into order and harmony. But a l'rince of the blood cannot openly marry a subjoct without forfeiting his 'right to the succosBion; and neither of the lovers wished for a niorganatio marriage. Therefore the Prince has petitioned tbo King to allow him to call himself Count Noor, and all for the sake of the good heart, tho sound bead, and tho bright eyes of rraulico Carmolita Klscnblatt, daughter of a Ger man merchant of Calcutta, formerly in good circumstances 1 This historiotto reminds one of Ucorgo Hand a "Marquis of Villemar," one of the purest and most powerful works, tbougb less known than tbo most ol bcr otbor novels. Deatii and tub Child. Instinct, all uneducated, is commonly supposed to ro coil from death; yet nothing is more suro than that children have" no mere In stinot thus sensitive, and will, in their infancy, stroko the face and implore tho offices of a doad parent without any nat ural recognition of the dread change. Is nature, then, of itself, as repugnant to mortal dissolution as the materialists maintain? An English coroner lately hold an inquest upon tho body of a wo man whoso little child had, for several days, mistaken its mother's death for sleep.. Mother and littlo one wero tho sole occupants of a bouse in Long Ditton, aud the noighbors, upon missing the lady, asked tho, child where sho was. Looking up from bis play on tho flags, the mite very simply replied : Mamma is lying in bed, and won't speak io me, and, oh, sho's cold as loo when I lay in bed with her. Tho littlo croaturo had found sufficient food in the cubboard for a week, and thus, having plenty to eat, was not at all'troublod about anything else, Finally, when tho neighbors entered tho house, thoy found that the mother had been long dead, and that the unconscious child had slept beside hor night after night without one instinotive or reason ing impression of tho sad truth. As Woodworth says; "A little child that simply draws its breath, what can it know of death?" Kessoniugly, of oourse it can know very little, yet there is an instinot in youngest dumb animals which pectus to rocognizo something of tbo change. Tho difference between a "county" and "citv.' greenhorn is, that, the one would like to know everything, 'and tho other thinks he can tell him. Susan B. Anthony wants to know why the Democratic leaders can't at least make belii vc thoy are going to put a woman suffrago plank into their platform, just to scare the Republicans, if nothing aiorc. A ''t. Joseph city councilman Is' re ported to have delivered tho following speech at tho last meeting of t hi council: "Mr Mayor, and gentleman of the coun cil ! let us put our. hoads toJetbcr and make a wooden pavement." A sensible woman is Dr. Ellon B Fer guson, who holds that a "woman who can excol in cooking and houtokcoping is just as noble as any ono who edits a newspaper, or the woman who may eventually enter our Congress and Legislature." A ltocky Mountian pbpor, noting tho invention by a Chicago man of a proceta by which bo protends that a dead body can be petrified as hard as a stone, thinks the inventor "ought to accompany our troops on tho frontier, whoro ho could drivo a pretty good business by petrify ing Indians and selling thorn for tobacco SlgOB. While passing a house in Virginia, two drummers observed a very peculiar chim ney, unfinished, and it attracting their attention, they akcd a fluxen-haircd urchin standing near tho house if it "drawed woll," whereupon the aforesaid unchin replied : "Yes, it drawn the attention of all tho fools that pass this road." What is tho sizo of this place ?" gravely asked a New Yorker of tho con ductor, just after tho breakeman had sung out "U-po-lo kay," at a southorn station, whore not a lioufo was visible among tho pines, except a rambling shed called an "eating saloon." "It's about ns big as now York," was tho ready answer, "but isn't built up yet." A Sheriff oneo asked the wife of a Quaker, against whom ho had a writ, if her husband was at home. he replied, "Yes, ho will sec thee in a, momont." The sheriff waited somo timo, and thon suggested to tho lady that sho hnd prom ised that he might sco her husband. "Nay, friend," replied tho Quakeress, "I only promised that ho would sco thco. tlo has seen thee. He did not liko thy looks, and he thorefore avoided thco, and hajthjeft thejilaco by another poth All Boston is bragging about a young lady of that city becauso, being invited on Saturday night at cloven o'clock to make a tour to Europe, she was ready and sailed at eight o'olock the following Monday morning. They think tbat was really quick work. But Boston must do bolter. Why, a Now York girl, one Sat urday, reoeived a dispatch by cable from London, dated 4 p. m., and saying "Como," and at 2 p. ni., that very day- two hours before tho dispatch was sent sbo was on her way down the bay in the steamer. Sold. At the theatre one night, John Phoenix thought he saw an acquaintance sitting a few scats in front, and asked a gentleman between them to poko him with his cano. When bo turned around John discovered Itia mistake. Fixing his attention on the play, snd affecting indifference of the whole affair, he left tho man with the cano to settle the dis turbance, and he, being whololy without an excuse, thero was, of course, a ludi crous and embarrassing scene, during all of -whioh Pboonix was profoundly inter ested in the play. At last tho man asked indignantly : "Did you tell me to poke that mail with my stick r "Yes." "And what did you want ?'' "1 wanted to see whether you would poko him or not." IUibinci Cuickxnb. Mark Twain, having been elected an honarary member of a Poultry Society, recommends him self in the following stylo : "Kvon as a sohoolboy, poultry-raising was a study with mo, ana I may say without egotism, that aa early aa the age of seventeen I was acquainted with all the best and speediest motheds of raisins chickens. ram railing ttem off a roost by horning luoifcr matohes andcf their nosos, down to lifting them off a fenco on a frosty nig& by insinuating the end of a warm board under their heels. By the time I was twenty years old, I roally supposed I bad raised more poultry than any one indi vidual in all the motion round about there. Tbo very ehiokons came to know my talent by' and by. The youth of both sexes ceased to paw the carlh for worms. and old roosters tbt came to crow 're mained to pray' when-I passed by." An Irishman took a contract to die a public well. When he had dug about twenty-fivo feot down, be eame ono morn ing and found it caved in ; filled nearly to tbo top. l'at looked cautiously around and saw that nobody was near ; then took off his bat and coat, bung them on tho windlass, orawied info somo bushes and awaited events. In a. short time tbo citizens discovered tbat the woll bad caved in, and seeing Pat'a, bat and coat on tbe windlass, they supposed tbat ho was at tho bottom of tho excavation. Only a few hours of brisk digging cleared the looso earth from tbe woll, and just as tbo eager citizens bad reached Iho bottom, and were wondering whero the body was, Pat oamo out of the bushes and good naturcdly thanked them for relieving him of "a sorry job." Somo of tho tirod diggers were disgusted ; but this joke was too pood to allow anything morothuu n hearty luu;;h, that soon followed.