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ThtTLincoln County Herald
PUBLISHED BVKUV THORSDAY THEO. T. FISHER. $I.OO A YEA IN AYAN0E. SINGLE COPIES 1'IVE CUNTS. 'm) - fcHXS. MARTIN, Jf., ATTORNEY AT LAW, TROY, MISSOURI, WILL eraotlea Id all tho Court! of (ho Third Judicial District. Special attention given 4 tht oollielioo of debts. v(Sn3tf B. W. WI1JEEL.ER 'Attorney at Law anil Notary Public, JVEW HOPE, MO. w rit.Ii attend to any profo-slnna! bu.h.c.s In the Courts of Lincoln. Warren, 1'IUo and Jlontgomery countlct. sep7'71n38yl ;r.o. L COLLIEK PHOTOftRAPEK, tboy, asrissoxjR,!. GALLERY SOUTH OF llALLINUIlll'S D'.iUQ STOKE. Photograph Album and l'ielurc Frames $3T Call and look at my pictures. lep7o3t T.J. WE B B, ATToimnr at law. Troy3 .Missouri, W1 'ILL promptly attend to legal buslDcss. 6peoil attention given to Collecting. pTT Office with J. B. Allen, In tho old 1. 0. sulldlnK. vSnI9yl J.C.O00DRICM. W. W. niUKIIEAD GOODRICH &1BJRKUEAD, DENTISTS, TROY, ItllSSOVRl. "TYK.'BIRKIIKAD will be in tlio office all tho U time. Dr. U00DRIC1I will only bo hero from time to time, duo notice of which will bo (Iran. Ui for the PAINLESS extraction of teeth adminUtered at all timet by Dr. Blrkbead. .August 31, 1871. v6n2l M. IV. 1UcLEMiA.IV, M. D., PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Troy, MJssoixri. Office at M. 8. Bollinger's Drug Store R. C. 9IAGRUDER, ATTQRNE AT LAW, Ap.AU-URlS, MISSOURI. Will practice in the Courts of tho Third Judical District, vn5 A. V. McKKK. WM. FHAZIEK. McKEE & FRAZIER, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, TROY, MISSOURI Will practlco in nil tho counties of tho Tbtrd Judicial Circuit, and in tho Supremo Court of tho yt-ite. mctu ly WALTON & CREECH, .ATTORNEYS AT LAW AND It 12 A I ESTATE AGKXTS, TROY, MISSOURI, Will nractico in all Iho Ouurts of the Third Judicial Circuit, and the Supremo Court of the "State. All business entrusted to their care will bo t romptly attended to. ORico over Dr. S. T. East's Drug stoic, Office uours from 9 a' m. to 4,p. m. vo!0n2 JF. T. WILLIAMS, ATTORNEY AT LAW AND NOTARY PUBLIC, AVAIlKi:TO, MO. January 1, 18119 Inly A. II. BUCKJVER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ST. CHARLES, MO., 'Will attend to any professional business in tho Courts or Lincoln, Warren, Montgomery ana St. Charles, and in tho District and Supreme Courts. v6nlyl 41ENUY QUIQLEY. 1 EUGENE N. T10NFILS. ci i; li:y & bom ir.s, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, Conveyancers& Ileal Estate Agents, W1 riLL practice in the various Courts of tho Third Judicial Dletlll-t fPlkn. U'nrron. 4iunigutuory ami Lincoln). Having been en gaged for two years past In making an abstract of title of all real estato In Lincoln eounty, they thavo peculiar facilities for furnishing at short notice a complete abstract ol title of all the , - . . : : . ' - ' lands in said eounty. July 28, 1870. TROY BAKER X lnd Confectionery, HERMAN GUNTER, Keeps a full supply of mESH BREAD, CAKES, PASTRIES, &c ALSO FANCY Axf COM JIO CANDIES, And everything In the line of Confectioneries. All kinds of Caket and Pastries made to , order. All order should be given at ncu utrya in aavance. November 9, !871.--tfeb272 Valuable Town Properly lor Sale-Dwelling House and Lot and 3 Vacant Lois, THE undersigned will sell on easy terms a one and a half story frame dwelling and 1 lot near the basinets part of the town ; and 2 vacant lota touth of Cake & Rogers' lanyard. VIII be sold separately or together. I will also tell a good work horse, 4 yean old, nnd a spring wagon. "ovftf MARTIN BUDLACEK, Troy. SlI,.,,p?f.,c,,"r" nd HaHilCorBSIieller W II CUHTIN, Patentee, Carlyle, HI. Sond for CiroularB. LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD. VOll 6. TEARS. . Tho following beautiful linos aro from tho pen of that -swet test of lltlog1 poets, Father Tears that trlnkle down our eyes, They do not full tn earth and dry j They scar llko nngots to tho skies, And liko the angels cannot die. Far on 1 our immortality Sounds through each tear sounds in sigh. What waves of tears lurgo o'or the dorp Of sorrow In our souls 1 And they nrc strong not weak who weep Thoso drops, from out the sea that rolls Within their hearts forevoi more Within a depth without a shore. But ah I tho tears that aro not wept. The tears that never outward fall, The tears that grlof for years lias kept Within us they are best of all Tho tears our cyos shall never know, Aro dearer than tho tears that flow. Ench night, upon earth's fluwers below Tlio uci. cuujcn uun from darkest skies, And every night our tenia uf wuo Uo up like dews to Pnradlso j To Vtcp in bloom and mako mora fair Tho crowns of flowers we yet shall wear. For ah 1 the sunrcst way to God Is up tho lunely stream ot tears That flows whon bending 'ncath Ills rod, And fill tho ti do of our past years. On laughter's billows hearts are tossed On waves of tears no soul Is lost. Flow on, yo tears t and bear mo homo ; Flow on, yo wavos of deeper woo I Fluw ou,yo tears I that aro but foam Of deeper wares that will not tow I A littlo while I reach tho shore Where tears flow not forevcrmore. FOR IIEK OWN GOOD. UY FRANCIS HENSUAW BADEN. "Promise mo, George, that you will never forsake Amy. After I a in gono slio will have no friend but yon. Shu has always been to mo a blessing. If sho was really my own daughter, I could not lore her better. So, my hoy, I leave her a tacrcd charge to you. Should tho time ever bo when you shall leel another lovo than that you bear your little sister, you must not, in securing your own hap piness, forget hor's my poor, gentle, timid little Amy I" "llavo oo fears, mother. Amy shall nover want for a friend or love. She shall be as tenderly watched over and cared for in the future, as she has over been in tho past. I solemnly promiso you this." "Thank you, my son. You have re. lieved uiy only uncasiuccs. I can rent now in perfect peace. Now send Amy to mo." That night a wail of sorrow soundod through the home of George Foster. It was Amy's voico. They found her with her arms still clasped around tho form so dear. Goorgo drew her gently away, saying : "Cotno, Amy. You aro my child now, Mother gave you to my care, and may God deal by mo according to my worthi ness of that chargo. Now go and try to sleep, my little sister." He gave her to tho faithful house keeper's caro. Still weeping, but unresisting, Amy did his bidding. All hor life sho had yiolded to his wishes. Her brothur's will was her s. Mrs. Foster was a very wealthy widow, owning a flno plantation in tho South, with many slaves. Goorgo was her only child and constant compamon, and at an oarly age became her conGdant and ad vicer. This, of course, uiado him thoughtful and crave beyond his years. When bo was about seventeen his mother adopted Amy, an iufant, orphaned and friendless. Georgo was very fond of tho pretty little child, and she wue taught by tier mother, as woll as all tho servants, "Always mind what your brothor says," or, "Do as your bother tells you." What a loving, dutiful littlo daughter and sister sho was I And what a carta bio, thrifty littlo housekeeper alio grew to be, relioying bor benefactor ot much care I Proud as well as fond was .Mrs Foster of her adopted child. Amy -was eighteen when bcr mother's death left ber to ueorge s caro. scarcely six months had gone by, when the kind and considerate ladies of tbo neighbor hood began to oiieaco their minds with thoughts and plans for the future welfare of tbe wealthiest young man of their com munity. It was probable he would marry in truth quite desirable that be should, and that his choico should bo such as would bo acceptable to tbe parish. Now this young man in question was Georizo Foster, who was a very attentive member of the -church, a communicant, and about tho mtst liberal contributor to all chunta bio funds. While Mrs. Foster lived thoro was neither chanco nor hope for Gcorgo's marrying. He was devoted alono to her. Hut the time had cotno when he must bo lookod aftor. So tho Hector's wifo, Mrs. Charlton, who had a lovoly young nieco, thought that no one cotiW be more ac ceptable to every ono than her dear Adelo ; and so she set herself to work to manage the nffuir skillfully. She began with sending on several oo easions, for Mr. Foster, to advise with and help tht Hector nnd herself in mat ters connected with the poor of tho par ish. Of course Adcle always appeared at such times to tbe bent advautage. Then once, whon out riding near the Manor, George's borne, Mrs. Charlton remembered that Mrs. Foster had been successful in the cultivation of a certain plant; and being very anxious of secur ing cotno, and tho knowlcdgo of the TROY, MO., THURSDAY, proper mode of rearing, sho called to ask the favor of Mr. Foster. Of course be insisted that Mrs. Charl ton should enter, and partake of the hoi ptlalittos ol bis homo. Then for tho first time did tho thoucbt of an obstaclo in the way of tho Dnal success of ror plan present itself. Amy bad bcou regarded by this worthy ludy as a child, a dependent, and by no means to bo dreaded as a rival. For eighteen months, during tho timo of Mrs. 1' osiers severe illness, and since her death, Amy had been very much secluded When, occasionally, she had been scon by cnllors, they had noticed bor but little. Hut it seemed to -Mrs. Charlton that by magic the child had bccoice n very beau tiful and really charming woman. Everything was in perfect order at tho Manor, and a delicate and tempting lunch served, nt which Amy presided with such quiet dignity, that, to use a very trito expression, Mrs. Charlton was considera bly "taken aback." In hor expectations, Amy was to ho lireadcd. Tho Hector's wife wanted sonio advice in this dilemma, arid so sho sought tho assistance of Mrs. Fairfield, a very handsonio widow, but not young enough to bo feared as a rival of Adele's bho thought. Tho widow was shrewd, and possessed of quick wit. ijmto lorty, but looking much younger, uliu had bcou thinking much of Mr. Fos ter lately, and came to the conclusion how well it would bo for him if ho would take a wife, and that che herself could be the one to mako him very happy. So, when Mrs. Charlton camo, tho widow joined with her very heartily in tho idea that Mr. I'ostor ought certainly to bo so cured ; and littlo Amy must surely be gotten out of the way. Now when tho thought of getting rid of the orphan girl came to Mrs. Charlton's mind, sho never for an instant thought of doing her any barm. Hut the widow mado up her mind to get her away, at any risk. So there was a littlo word, a very significant look, a shrug of the shoulders given to Mrs. Archer, the mother of five daughters, ranting fromt twenty to thirty-five. This kind wotran, too, had been con sidering very deeply tho lonely condition of young Foster, and thinking how sho would liko to be a mother to him, when Mrs. FuirCId opcucd her eys to tho truth whioh was a sharuo to the parish that he was not a lonely man. This matter must be attended to immediately. And so it went around and abroad, until tho Hector's wifo said : "My dear, every one is talki ig of it I I never dreamed of tho impropriety, to say' the least of it, uutil overy ouo saw and epuko of it." "Ub, cortaiuly, 1 must go iuimouiutcly and talk to young Foster on tho iuipro priety of his course," said worthy Mr. Charlton. And off ho went that very hour. And after considerable hesitation for when getting face to faco with the noble, grave looking young man, tho Hector found it a most difficult and delicate mutter to approach a subject that would call in question tho notions of ouc so worthy of respect ho ventured to tell the object of his visit. "What I not keep Amy, my child, my littlo sister, with mo? Send her away?" exclaimed George Foster, with intense amazement. "My young friend, you know, except by your mother s adoption, sho is ncithor. For her own good, you should do so Can you not think that her fair uame may suffer, should this assumed relationship ho continued I During your roscocted mother's life, it was, ot course, perfectly right and proper; but " "Hut, sir, my mother bound mo by a sacred promise never to forsake- Amy to consider bcr happiness always. Sond her from mo 1 How? Where? To whom? Sho is without friends 1" said George Foster in an agitated voico. "Procure her a position as teacher, or seamstress somo rospeotablo employ ment away from tho neighborhood. 1 will aid you iu this duty ; you should con sider it," aiuwcrcd tho Rector. "I cannot I cannot. My protniso forbids it. My poor littlo Amy I Why could not these people let her alone? roor innocent child I liow can I shield her from tbcm ?" "Givo themnooiueo to think wrone of either her or you, my friend. Now, if you wcro mairiea, your wife a presence would, of oourso, rendsr Amy's presenco perfectly proper." "Why, Amy is not tho only woman in tho house. My housekeeper, e worthy apod and Christian woman, is with us." "My dear friend, she is your colorod servant, bound to do your bidding. Her presence is not sumoient. "Marry I I havo never though of euoh a thing. And you say I must either send Amy off or bring a wife hero, that sho may remain, and evil tongues be stopped said George bitterly. "My youug friend, you ore excited and unjust, 1 think. There aro certain dutios wo owo to socioty," said tho llootor. "Well, well, to shield poor littlo Amy, i win marry, uui wno shall 1 marry t "There aro many lovely and most suit ablo ladies in our congregation, several of whom you are already acquainted with." ' ' And tho good man proceeded to do mil justice to tho virtues of several ladies, among whom were the Misses Archer and Mrs. FairGeld. Now the ono uppermost iu ins tuougnts no never mentioned. Hut when about taking bis Icaio he urged tbe young man to oon.o to sco him, saying : "Drop in oflon. Mrs. Charlton is very ranch interested in you. We shall bo very happy to aid you in your very tho conclusion", DECEMBER 14, 1871. 'Thank you, t will think of this matter. 1'ou shall kuow of my decision beforo long." "Amy, my child, conic hero. Sit down. I want to talk to you," said Georgo Fos ter, the next morning nftcr broakfust, when he drew Amy into tho library, and tenderly seated her beside him. "Amy, I am going to bo married," he said. "Married?" sho gasped turning very palu " "Yes, littlo sister, married. Don't you want your brothor to marry? You surely wish him the happiness of other men? Otherwiso, Amy, I might grow sour, cross and generally disagreeable, as it is said most of old baoholors are" "No, no; that could nover bo with you," Amy said, in a voico which was full of tears. "Well, well, perhaps not. Hut one had better bo on tho safe sido, Amy, You will fix up the place, littlo girl, make it bright and pretty for my wifo, will you uot?" "Oh, rot, yes, ' whispered Amy, and then sank weeping into her brother's arm,. "There, there ; I sco how it is. Sisters must always suffer in giving up their brothers for others to lovo, I thiuk. And perhaps you fear you may not bo happy with my wifo, Amy ?'' Unly a sob answered him. "Host assurrod, my child, I will bring no one hero who will in any way nur your happinora. My. wifo will, I am sure, bo acceptable to you, Only such a one will 1 bring hero." Amy went about making tbe place beautiful. Hut her poor littlo heart was very sad. Often sho stulo uway, aii't wept long and bitterly. On ono occa sion, when Georgo returned homo from town much earlier than usual, he slopped noiselessly into tho drawing-room, and found Amy, with her head buried iu the cushion of tho Bofu, weeping as if her heart would bieak. Ho let her weep mi until sho grew calmer, aud wbeu about to go and talk to hsr, aud fiud out if possible, tho cause of her sorrow, hu was arrested by hearing her fay : "Can bho lovo him as I 7 No, no, I am BurO not, for others share Iter lovo. Sho has fiicuds, while I givo all to him. Mo one else m tins world I love. Father, mother, sister, brother, aye, more than all theso is ho to wo. And I only sharo his lovo with her. Alter awuilo it will grow less aud less, I suppose." Georgo Foster stopped back; a new light hud fallen upon him. Ho nover dreamed this timid, gentle, quiet girl loved him, or could lovo any ono thus. Then ho knew what a trial it would bo to her tlio presence of nny other woman pos sonsing his love. How could ho comfort bor ? How rcccncilo her to tho woman he had se lected as his wifo? Ho waited on tho piazza uutil she came rut, a half hour after, and then, drawing her arm through bis, ho walked with her to the family graveyard, and thoro, standing besido his mother's tomb, he told why it was he had fust decided to tako a wifo. With groat caution and delicacy hu told of tho Hector's visit. "So you boo, my child, for your welfare alono i determined to marry," bo said. "Your happiness was uiy first thought. Hut, Amy, aftor I had picked out my wife, and I knew ruoro of hor, I found out how very much my own bappiuusB was concerned, Tho woman I have growu to lovo is ono I am sure all will lovo who know her. And now I feel how terribly I should suffer if I should lose hor. Much moro he said, until sho grew very calm and content. In his happiness she would God hor's, And so sho went on with her work more cheerfully, mak ing things beautiful for George's wife, as ever doing his bidding. "Trust mo, aud bo at peace," he said. Anu so sbo did, and was. Much ot George's timo was divided between tho Hector's homo, tho widow Fairfield's and .lira. Arobcr s. Happy was liltlo Mrs. Charton in the thought ol her una! success. Knowing Adele, George must surely grow to love her. Sho told of her hopes to the widow Fairfiold, who smilingly congratulated bar friend, thinking all tho timo : "Oh, if you know bow littlo Adelo has reason for hopes I and how often he oomes to see mo I" Hut tbe widow was a little disooncertod the next morning, when visiting Mrs. Archer, to meet Mr. Foster, aud bear from the exultant mother that he catno very often. Yet sho could not decide which of hr girls was tbe ohosen one, Time passed on until a month had elapsed, the manoeuvering aunt, mamma and widow thinking that surely every coming of Mr. Foster must disclose tho object of his visits, when the Hector's wifo was very much astonished to bear from her husband that George Foster was to be married tbo next day; but to whom he knew not, as the gentleman dcolared bis intontion of keeping his own counsol until tho timo of the ceremony. So poor Mrs. Charlton, although sho could not decide who bis bride was to be, knew full well it was not Adele one of the Archer girls most likely. Little she thought of the widow Fairfiold, whom bur good hus band declared the luoky ono. Ilia be lief was fouuded on tbe fact of bis having frequently mot Mr. Foster at hor homo, and confirmed by that lady's entire change of dress, she having (brown of all vestige of mourning, and appoared in colors again. Tho next day, during tho morning scr vico, the Hector announced tint, after tho conclusion of diviue worship, there would bo a niarriagj ceremony performed in tbo church, nnd tho congregation weto invited NO. 50. to bo present. Who tho happy ones were was unknown or supoctod, savo by the Heotor and bi J family. The services woro ovor, tho mombcrs of tho congregation sat waiting and watch- for tho cntranco ot tho bride and groom, when Georgo Foster arose from his scat in, tho choir, walked down tho aislo to his . . c i.. i .! drew a littlo figure, and proceedod with her up to tho altar and stood peforo tho Heotor, The surprise of tho good folks may bo imagined. It was a wonderful act of self-control, which prevented tho exclamations of such. A few moments more, and littlo Amy's future welfare was so well oonsldercd, that no doubt of tho propriety of her continuance in Georgo 1'ostcr s homo existod. 1' or still tho minister's voico was sounding in their ears, repeating tho words, "What God bath joined together, let not man put asunder. Al.. CbatUon was tho first to ootuo forward and offer her congratulations. bho was sorely disappointed in tho result of her plans; but it was her duty, as a Christian to bear it patiently, and as tho Rector's wife, to he affablo and agreeable to all her husband's charge A few moro camo up with sincere- and kind wishes, and some of Mrs. Foster's old friends accepted George's invitation to return with them to the Manor. Tho next day tho happy pair left for a northern tour. During their absence, cards of invitation wcro sent out for a reception on their roturn. Tho disappointed ones declared, at first, their intention Of neither calling on nor countenancing Ueorge rosters wile. Hut upon socond thought and mature deliberation, they camo to tho conclusion they could nut well afford to insult or alienate the wealthiest, and one of tho most rcspcctablo men of their number ; aud so Amy a reception was largely at tended. And Georgo Fostor ever folt thankful to the kind, thoughtful ladies whoso plans for his welfaro had resulted so hap pily, although confident that Amy's fu tare good or ill was of littlo consoquenco to tbcm. btill ho torgsvo them, rcmem boring not tho intention, only tho rcs their defeat and his victory, in socuring tho greatest boon from Heaven to man, a true and loving wifo. The "Fat Sheep." Somo twenty fivo years ago, when I was pastor of a church in 1 took occasion to attend a social mcoting in the church in that place. A is their custom on such occasions, o.n.o alter the other roso and gave in his ur her experience Altera while a man in humble circumstances, small in staturo, and with a very cfTumiuutu, squeaking voico, roso to givo in a uieco ot Ins oxpo ricuco which was done in tho following manner : "Brethren, I hate been a mnmbor of this church for many years. I have, for tho first timo in my life, to soo my pastor or any of tho trustees of this church cross tho threshold of my door. No sooner had ho uttered this part of bis oxporienoo than ho was suddenly in terrupted by ono of tho trustees, an aged man, who roso up and said in a loud firm voico : "My dear brothor, you must put tho devil bohiud you." On taking bis scat, the pastor in charge quickly roso, and also replied to tho littlo man as follows : "My dear brother, you must romember that wo shepherds aro scut to the lost houso of Israel." Whcrenpon tho littlo man roso again, and in auswer, said, in a vory loud ioto of voico : "Yes, and if I'd boon a fat ono you would havo found mo out long ago." Tho effect upon the audienco oan bettor bo imagined than described, This is what they call a joke in New Orleans: A. country looking chap gets off a train, A stranger steps up to him aud says: "Ah I Gvo font nino inehos high, two feet elovou across tho breast, eighteen inches through." "What do you mean, sir?" eagerly asks tho coun tryman. "It's all right," says tho other. "You measure fivo foet tilovon by eigh teen. I'll bo roady for you by nine o'clock to-morrow morning," nnd he puts up the tape line with which he lias been making the measurements. "What aro you driving at, sir?" asks tho country man, angrily. 'Why, you seo," says tho other, "tbe yellow fever is killing off strangors so fast I have to take their measurement as they come in, or else the dead bodies accumulate on my bands," A pallor comes over the countryman's face, a frantio call ia made to the bag gage master to reohook his trunk, and ho leaves for home. A penniless young lawyor asked a millionaire for his daughter's band. "I shall givo my child a bondrol thousand dollars on hor wedding day," answered tho merchant, "It is a pretty littlo sum ; enongh to provide breakfast for the family. Now, will you be kind enough to tell mo how much you proposo to furnish for tbe dinner?'1 "Oh, for that matter," returned the unabashod youth, "thoso who havo break fasted so woll will not need any dinner at nil." Every cat in Paris is to bo taxed throo francs a year. From which it may be surmised that there will bo fewer cats in tbe houses and moro rabbits in the res-. (aurants. Said ono Now Orleans youngster to another : J'l say, Tom, ain't it becauso Grant appoints so many nephews to office they'vo got up this Aunty Grant patty?" ' L'ourjc it is." TERMS Os? ADVfcRTMIliCk Om Saars (10 llnes)orle,t)atilnmVron,..t It Kaeh additional ltsrtro., w.I.. . . It Administrators' Nolle. s w., I OS Final Settlemeat Notkwi. a oi Stray Notices (tingle strav)...... ...... M Kacli additional etraj In wun notice...,.,, 1 to ST A Liberal Deduction will bi Bad t yoarly advertisers. Why was Sodam destroyed? Beoaiue it wasso-dara wicked. Tho man who popped the question by starlight, got his sweethoart'i eonient ia a twinkling. -The last instance of modesty is that of lady who refusod to woar a watoh in her bosom booauso it had bands. Prof. Doelio is exhibiting huge posters throughout tho States "as a wonderful magician, and ho has a magical method of ovading his priuting bills. Reynolds, tho dramatist, observing to Martin the thinness of tho houso at one of his own plays added, "Ho supposed it was owing to tho war." "No," replied the latter, "it is owing to tke piece." DanioUPurccll, tbo famous punster, was desirod ono night in company to make a pun extompore. "Upon what subject?" said Daniol. "Tho king," an evfeieu tho othof. "Oh, sir," said he, "tho king Is no subject." A Hartford -editor having twitted an editor in n neighboring oity of being bald, subsequently .apologised and ex plained that, "as long as M can fold his cars ovor tbo top of his head, he doesn't need any hair anyhow." Twonty years ago an old farmer in Main bought soma furniture, agreeing to give a 'barrel of npplc.i "to-boot." The) dealer heard nothing more of it until tbo othor day, when a wagon stopped before bis door and a votco shouted "hero s the applos." A Wisconsin wifo, the mother of twen ty two children, informed her pastor tLej othor day that sho had road much about pcoplo being rendered perfoct through suffering. "If suffering," sho added, can mako woman perfect, I am tho most perfect person on God's footstool." Cuhf. Eon Cobns. Take a little sweet oil, on galling up in tho morning and ho for o retiring nt night, and rub it on the corn with the tip of tho fingor, keep ing the corn well pared down. This re lieves tbo friction, which causes corns, and will cure them in a short time. A schoolmaster in Fredonia, Kansas, whipped one of his pupils severely the other day, in consequence of which tho father of the boy broko the teacher's noso with a stone. Tho pedagogue paid ten dollars and the angry parent twenty for their littlo amusement. , A lady had a favorite lap dog, which sho called Perchance. "A singular name for a beautiful pet, madam," said some body ; "whero did you find it? "Ob," drawled she, "it was named from Byron's ojr. Vou romcmbor whero ho sayr, 'Perchance my dog will howl.' " Qoilp and bis wife had a bit of con tention tho othor day. "I own that you havo moro brilliauoy thau I," said the woman, "but 1 have tbo bettor judg ment." Quiip retorted: "Yos, your choioe in marrying shows that 1" and was informed that ho was a brute, "Mr. Brown, you said tho defendant was honest and intelligent. What makes you think so? Aro you acquainted with him? "No, sir, I bavo never seen him." "Why, then, do you oomo to such a con clusion V" "Because ho takes ten nows papers and pays for thorn ia advance." Verdict for defendant. A Connecticut deaoon nearly captured fivo boys who bad been devastating his chestnut treos on Sunday aftornoon. Shaking his fist after their retreating forms, ungrily shouted ; "Thcso sneak ing littlo devils'! if I had hold of 'em one minuto, I'd " and then suddenly espying his pastor on tho scone, he im pressively -added, "I'd pray for 'em I" Woman was toasted in the following style at the Toccnt anniversary of the Richmond Light Infantry Blues : "Wo man pure as a snowflako as it falls upon the cold peaks of Cactian Alps ; beauti ful as the hour that bathes herself in the crystal fountains of tho Mouleni paradise; graceful as tho peri afloat on her shell skiff, over the calm waters of tho dark blue sea ; vain, worse than vain, tbo warn ing to guard tho heart when intellect flushes from her bright eyo, and the light oi tne soul is breathed like ko musio upon her face. " Old Squire H Was a Very successful and substantial farmer, in an Interior town of Massachusetts, and a moreamai ing cater never lived. Especially muoh did ho cat whon fresh pork was to be the nourishment.. At a certain time one of his hogs had been killed. The next morning thcro was to bo. fresh pork for breakfast, and the old man ate most wondrously. In tho coureo of tho fire uoon ho ato his luncheon, consisting of bread aud butter, minoa pia and cheese, At noon his dinuer consistod of fresh pork, pickets, minco pie, and tho Usual accompaniments. His afternoon Innoh was like that of tho forenoon. When he camo homo to his supper his favorite dish had not been prepared as part of that meal, Tho old msu fretted and scolded till fresh pork was addod to the substantials. Ho ate voraoiously. In tbo evening ho toasted some cheese, but tored and ate it. Just beforo going to bed be roastod a couplo of applos and ate them. In tbo nlgbt ho was takon with a sovero colio the doctor was with him till morning, and wrought a mirsole in saving tho old man's lifo. Tho next day Holies W , ono of bis neighbors, went in to condolo with tho old Squire. "Friend BdIIcs," said tho old worthy,"! likod to have died last night. I'll never cat another roast opplo as long as I live. I never did lovo thorn very well ; snd last night I ato only two, and llit-y nearly killed me."