Newspaper Page Text
Tlio Lincoln Comity Herald
PUBLISHED EVERY WKDNS3DAV LINCOLN 171 THUMB OI' ADVERTISING. Ono Square (10 lines) or less, on Insertion. ..$1 4 Each additional Insertion u 7) Administrators' Notices , 3 00 Final Settlement Notices , , 3 00 Stray Notices (single stray) . 3 00 Kach additional stray In same notice .. 1 00 10 A Liberal Deduction will bo made to VOL. 7. TROY, MO., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1872. NO. 47. yearly advertisers. COUNTY HERALD $1.00 A YEAR IN ADVANCE SINGLE COPIES 1'IVIi CI4NTM. j.c.aoountcn. w. hirkhkad OODRIH A BIHKHKAD, DENTISTS, Troy? - - ITIiNsoiit'i. DH. BIKKHRAl) will be In the ofllcc all tlio time. Dr. (lOODltlCII will only bo hero from time In time, duo notleo of which will bo given, (las for tho PAINLESS extraction of teeth administered at nil timet by Dr. lllrkbciul. Auguit 31, 1871 v6n2flyl T DUNN, ATTORNEY AT LAW, -1'cw Hope - - Missouri. VV41I r rtetico In the Courts nf the Nineteenth Judical Circuit. Special nttontlon given to col Meeting. vTnlOmOp R. C. MAGRITDER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, (Cap-an-riH, - Missouri. Will prnctlco !n tho Courts of tho Nlnctcenjh Judicial DUlrlct. v75 W. C. IcPARlAND9 ATTORNEY AT LAW, Troy, Missouri. Will practice In the Courts of tho Nineteenth Judicial Circuit, aud will givo special attention Iq collections. ODi:c Front room over J. R. IKnox's Dank. v7nl6 CIIAS. MARTIN, Jr., ATTORNEY AT LAW, Troy, - - Missouri. Will practico in all the Courts of tho Nine teenth Judicial Circuit. Special attention given to the collection of debts. v6n3 A. V. McKEE. E. N. BONFILS. ITIcKER & 1101 I L, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, Troy, - - Missouri. Will practico In tho various Courts of this and ndjolntng counties. Special attention given tu collections and mutters relating to real estate. ,J!iJ-Office, northeast corner Main and Cherry streets, just below Laclede Hotel. n30v7 J. B. ALLEN. W. T. BAKER. ALLEN & BAKER? AHorneys-at-Law, Agents Stale ami Phoenix Insurauce Companies, and Real Estate Agents, TROY, MISSOURI. JOSEPH B. ALLEN, Notary Public. pr25--72nl7 51. W. WI1EEL.ER, Attorney at Law anil Notary Public, iGW HOI' I'), MO. Will attcnil to any prnfe'slnnnl business In the (.marts ot Lincoln, viarrcn, riKo ana aionignm ry counties. scp7'7ln3l!yl WM FRAZIER. W. COLBERT I It AZII.lt &. ( OMII.lt 1, Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ts, TROY, MISSOURI. Will practice in all tho courts of tho Nineteenth Judicial Circuit. Special attention given co col lections and to the sale and purchase and leasing ot real estate. Ahstracts ot titles warranty deeds, deeds of trust and mortgages made out on short notice Largo number of valuabrf farms for saloat low prices. -if Office on Main street in Hansdcll's building, up stair. v7n!4 W ALTOV & CREECH, Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ts, TROY, MO. Will practice in all the Oourts of tho Nineteenth Judicial Circuit, and tho Supremo Court of tho State. All business entrusted to their care will be rromptly attended to. Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug Btoto. Office hours from 9 a' m. to 4 p. in. voI6n2 LACLEDE HOTEL, TROY, isro. T1I0RNINLL & BUSWELL, Propr's. TMIIS Is a first-class hotel, furnished in good Jl style and its tablo supplied with the best the market affords. Strangers stopping in Troy will nna neroau tne comiorts oi noun, The BAR is stocked with strictly tirlmo Li quors, such as Brandies, Whlsklos, Wines, Ale, Uln, etc.) also tne nnen brands of Uigars, apr25nl7 LUMBER. LARQE SUPPLY OF LUMBER AT Chain of Rocks, Lincoln Co. Weatherboardlng, Sheeting, Door and Window frames, Basb, and Building Material generally, Address W. E. BROWN, junl9mBn25 Chah of Rock, Mo. JEHU SYLVESTER, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALER IN Watches. Diamonds FRENCH CLOCKS, Watch Materials and Tools. Watches and Jewelry Mepairei. HO. HO NORTH FOURTH STREET (Between Oltvoand Pine Streets) "Tbf J. Alfred Brimmer, Kin., editor and proprietor of the Morning Ulory, having observed tho disposition of persons hu liiivu been bereaved of their relatives to give expression to their Inclines in poeti cat form, refleeted that it mit;ht perhaps oi a guou luing io inirouuce to his paper a department of obituary Dootrv. tie considered whether if, when an individual insertod fifty cents' worth of death notices, theestablishment should consider gratutt ously half a dollar's worth nf mortality s'.anzas, his paper would not nt once he como the most popular vehicle for the conveyance of that peculiar lorra oT mo I ancholy intelligence to the public. And Mr. liritnmor rightly estimated that, as most newspaper readers scam to take a deeper interest in such sepulchral news than in information of any other kind, the ournal containing tho largest supply would have the greatest number of sub scribera. So Mr. Brimmer dotarmincd that ho would, as an experiment at any rata, cn gago on obituary poet fc a short time, with the purpose of giving him perma nent employment if tho plan seemed to tako with the public Accordingly ho scat for Mr. llemiugten Ott, u construc tor of versos, who had frequently con tributed to the columns of the Morning Ulory poems of what would have been considered by a fastidious student of English literature an appalling and revo lutionary character. Mr. Isrimmer soon effected an engage ment with the bard, by which it was agreed that Mr. Ott should take a posi tion in the office for a short time, and whenever a death notice arrived be should immediately endeavor to grind out somo verses expressive of the situa tion. "You understand, Mr. Ott," explained Brimmer, "that when the death of an individual is announced, I want you, as it were, to cheer tho afflicted family with the resources of your uoblo art. I wish you to throw yoursulf, you may say, into their situation, and to give tiicni a verso or two about the corpse which will seem to be tho expression of the emotion of the living." "To lighten the gloom, in a certain sense, I suppose ?" said Mr. Ott. "rreciscly I Lighten the gloom. Vo not mourn over the departed ; but rather take a joyous view of death, which after all, Mr. Ott, is, as it were, but the en traoco to abetter life. Therefore, 1 will advise you lo touch the hoart-itrings of tho afflicted with a tender hand, and cn dcavor for instunco, to divert their mind from contemplation of the horrors of the tomb." "I'll throw off Manzas," said Mr. Ott, "in such a manner that peoplo will want their friends to dio for the sake of the poetry." "But, above all," continued tho editor, "tako a bright view of the matter always Mako the sunshine of smiles, as it were, burst through the tempest of tear.'' : ami if it don't make the Morning Glory hum around among the mourners of this town, my name is not Brimmer." He wax right. It did hum, Tho next day Remington Ott went on .uty and Brimmer ran down to tlio sea shore for a breath of fresh air. All through the day death notices came pour ing in, and when one would reach Ott, ho would seize it and study it up to a certain tho particulars. Then ho would rush up stairs, lock himsoll up in his room, take down his rhyming dictionary, run his fingers through his hair, and haek away for half an hour at a piece of papor until ho considered that he had that poetry in a shape which would make the stricken family feel proud of tho corpse. When his days work was done, Ott went home with the conviction that The Morning Qlory had finally robbed death of it terrors, and made life com paratively valueless. In the morning Mr. Ott proceeded calmly to tho office for the purposo of embalming in sympathetic verso the memories of other departed ones. As ho oame near the establishment he nb served a crowd of five or six thousand people in front of it, struggling to got into the door. Climbing a tree, he overlooked tho orowd, and could see within the office the clerks selling papers si fast as they could handle them, while the mob pushed and jammed and yelled in frantio efforts to obtain copies the presses in the meanwhile clanging away like mad. Upon tho curbstone in front of him there waB a line of men stretch ing down the street for four squares, each man engaged in reading I ho Morn ing Glory with an earnestness that Mr Ott bad never before seen displayed by the patrons of that sheet. He went around to the back of the office and ascended to the editorial rooms. As he approached the sanctum, loud noises were heard within. Mr Ott determined to ascertain the ocuse boforo entering. He obtained a chair, and placing it by the side door, ht mounted and peeped over the door through tho transom. There But J. Alfred Brimmer holding Tho Morning Qlory in both hands, whilo tho fringe which grow ia a semi circle around tho edge of his bald head stood traicht out. until he seemed to resemble a eieanlio gun swab Two or thrco persons stood in front of him in threat ening uttitudos. Ott heard1 ono ot thcin sav : My name is McfJluo ! William McGluo! I am brother of tho lato Alexander Molilue. I picked up your paper this morning, and perceived in it n weti ttMfleQHi iaettli o f The New MtturlatB; B Morahu; Glory." Ur MAX ADELEK. relative, and I have como around to demand, sir, what do you aean by tho following infamous language f "The death angel smote Aleiander Mctilue, And gave htm protracted repose He wore a cheeked shirt a Number Nine shoe, And ho h.id a pink wart on his note. No doubt ho Is hiitiplcr dwelling In space Over tbemon (lie ever-green shore, Ills friends aro Informed that bis funeral takes place Precisely at quarter past four I "This is simply diabolical I My late brother had no wart on his nose, sir. He had upon hie nose neither a pink wart nor u green wart, nor a cream-colored wart, nor a wart of any other color. It is u slander I It is a gratuituoa insult to my family, and I distinctly want you to say what you mean by such conduct I" "Really, sir," said Brimmer, "it is a mistake. This is tho horriblo work of an incendiary miscreant whom I used as a brother, llo shall be punished by my own hand for this outrngo. A pink wart I Awful, sir I awful 1 Tho miser able scoundrel shall suffer for this he .'bull, indeed I "And who," said another man address ing tho editor, "authorized you to print this hideous stuff about my deceased Bon? Do you mean to say it was not with your authority that your low come dian insorled tho following scandalous burlesque ? Listen to this : "Willie had a purple monkey cllmbtng on a yellow stick, And when he sucked the paint all off It made htm deathly sick ; And In his latest hours he clasped that monkey In his hand, And bid good-byo to earth and went into a better land. Oh I no moro he'll shoot his sister with his little wooden gun : And no more he'll twist tho pussy's tall and mike her yowl f r fun. The pussy's tall now stands out straight ; the gun is iniu nsiuo ; Tho inonkoy doesn't jump around slnco little Wl lio died." "Tho uttorly utrocious character of thiii balderdash will appear when I fay that William was twenty years old, thai he never had a purplo monkey mi a stiok, that ho novor sucked such a thing, that he never foolod with cats, and that ho died of liver complaint." "Infamous! utterly infamous I" groan cd the editor, as ho cast his oyes over the lines. "And the wretch who did this still lives I It is too much I" 'And yet," whispered Ott to himself, "ho told tne tn Hgbten the gloom and to cheer the afflicted family with the re sources of my art ; and I certainly thought the idea about the monkey would have that effect, somehow. It is un grateful." Just then tbero was a knock at the door, and a woman entered, crying. "Are you the editor?" bIiu inquired of Brimmer. Brimmer said he was. "W w well, eho said, in a voice broken by sols, "wb what do you mean by publishing this kind of poetry a-about m my Johnny I M my natno is n ptnitti, and when I louked this in morning for tho notice nt Johnny s d death in your paper, I saw this awlul, wicked, wicked v verse : Tour doctors tackled Johnny Smith They blistered and they bled him j With M)uills and untl-billious pills, And niecao they fed him. Tliov-tirrcd him up with ciloinol, And fried to mine his liver; But all in vain his little soul Was watted o'er tho Hiver." "It's false I false! that's what it is. Johnny only hud one doctor. And they didn't try to m move his liver, and they didn't b bleed him and blister him. It'n a wicked falsehood, and you're a hard hearted brute for printing it I" "Madam, I shall go crazy if you con tinue, exclaimed lirimmer. " 1 his is not my work. It is the work of a ser pent whom I warmed in my bosom, and whom I shall slay with my own hand as soon as he comes in. Madam, tho miserable outcast shall die!" "Strange I strange !" mused Ott. "And this man told me to combine elu vating sentiment with practical informa tion. If the information concerning tho squills and ipucao is not practical, I have misunderstood the use of that word And if young Smith didn't have four doctors, it was an outrage; li'i ought to havo had them, and thoy ought to have excited Ilia livers Thus it is," thought Ott, "that human life is sacrificed to carelessness " At this juncturo the sheriff entered, his brow clothed with thunder. Ho had a copy oi mo .Homing uiory in uis hand. He approached tho editor, and pointing to a doath notice, said: Head that horrible mockery ot my woe and toll mo tne name oi tue wruer, so that I can chastise him " Tho editor read as follows : We havo lost our little Hannah in a very pain ful manner. And we often asked, "How can her sufferings bo borne? When her death was first reported, her aunt got up n ml snortcu With tho grief that she supported, for It made her feel forlorn. Sho was such a little soraph, that her father who If Sheriff, Really doesn't seem to care II he never smiles airain. She is gone, we hope, to heaven, at the early age ot seven, (Funeral starts off at eleven) where she'll never more have pain-" "As n consequenco of this infamy I withdraw all the county advertising from your paper. A man who could triflo in this manner with tho feelings of a parent is a savage and a scoundrel." As the sheriff went out, Brimmer placed his head upon tho tablo aud groaned. "Really," Mr. Olt reflected, "that nomnn must bo deranged. 1 .tried, in his case, to put myself in his place, and. e.Uf t if t e ? fjb ftwlf according to instruction, the verc aro beautiful. That allusion to the grief of her aunt, particularly, ecenicd to bo very happy. It expresses violent mo tion with a felicitous combination of sweetness and force. These people have no souls no appreciation of tho beauti ful in art." Whilo tho poet mused, hurried steps were beard upon tho stairs, and in n motrcnt a middle aged man dashed in abruptly, and, seizing Brimmer's scat tered hair, bumped his prostrate head against the table three or four times with considerable force. Having expended tho violence of his emotion in this man ncr, ho held the editor's head down with ono hand, thaking it occasionally by way of emphasis, and with tho other hand seized tho papor and said : "lou disgracetul old reprobate I lou unsympathetic and disgusting vampire 1 You hoary headed old ghoul 1 What d'ou mean by putting such stuff as this in your vila sheet about my deceased son ? What d'ou mean by printing such awful doggerel ns this, you depraved and dissoluto ink slifiger ! you imbecile old quill driver, you 1 "Oh I bury Bartholomew out In the woods, In a beautiful holo In tho crounil, fslng, Where the bumblebees buzt and the woodpeckers And the stratldlc-bugs tumble orounu 1 So that In winter when tho snow and the slush Have covered his last little bed. Ills brother Artemus can go out with Jano And vlst tho place with his sled," "I'll teach you to talk about straddle bugs! I'll instruct you about slush I I'll enlighten your insane old intellect on tho subject of singing woodpeckers! What do you know about June and Artemus, you wretched buccaneer, you despicable butcher of the hnglish lan guago I Uo out with a sled 1 I II carry von out in a hearse boforo I am through with you, you deplorable lunatic !" At the end of every phrase tho visitor gave tho editor's head a fresh knock against the table. When the oxcrcist was finished, Mr. Brimmer explained and apologized in the humblest manner, promising at (he same time to givo his assailant a chance to pummel Ott. "Tho treachery of the man," mur mured tho poet, "is dreadful. Didn't he desire m to throw a glamtnor of poetry over common placo details ? But for that I should never have thought of al luditig to woodpeckers und bugs, and other children of nature. The man ob- lecte to the remarks about the sled ! Can t the idiot know that it was neces ary to have a rhyme for 'bed ?' Can he suppose that I could writo poetry without rhymes? Tho man is a' lunatic! He ought not to bo at large." Hardly had the indignant and encr gotio parent of Bartholnmow departed, when a man with red hair and a ferocious glare in his eyes entered, carrying a club and accouipauied by a savage looking dog. "I want to sco the editor I" he shouted A ghastly pallor o'erapread Brimmer's face, and he said : "The editor is not in." "Well, thru, when will he bo in ?" "Not for a week a month a year forever I He will never came in any moie !"' shouted Brimmer. "He has gone to South America, with tho inten lion of remaining there the balnnco of (lis life He has departedhe has fled. If you want to see him you had better follow him to tho Equator. He will be triad to see vou I would advise you, as a frieud, to tako the next boat, and to start nt once." "That is unlortunate, said tho man wilh tho golden locks; "I called for the purpose of battering him up a lot with t club 1" He will be sorry," said Brimmer, sarcastically, "lie will rcurot missing vou. I will write to him, and mention that you dropped in." My namo is mctadden, sir, said the man. "I oame to break the bead ot the man who wroto that obituary poetry obout my wtlo. it you don t toll me who perpetrated the following, I'll break your's for you 1 Where's the man who wrote this I l'ay attention: "Mrs. McFaducn has gone from this life I Sho has lei t all Its sorrows and cures i Sho caught tho rheumatics In both of her legs Whilo scrubbing tho cellar and stairs. They put mustard plasters upon her in vain, They bathed her with whisky and rum, But Thursday her spirit departed, and left Her body entirely numb." "The slave who held tho lato Mrs. McFaddcn up to tho scorn of an unsym pathetic world in that shonking manner," said tho editor, "is named Remington Ott. Ho boards in Blank street, fourth door from the corner. I would advise you to call ou him and avenge Mrs McFaddon's wrongs with a judicious intermixion of club and dog bites. "And this," sighed tho poet outside the door, "is the man vWio told mo to divert McFadden's mind from tho con temptation sif tho horrors of the tomb, It was this monster who counselled me to make the sunshine of McFadden's smiles burst through tho tempest of McFadden's tears I If that sore-headed monster couldn't smilo over that allusion to whiskey and rum; if thoso remarks about tho rheumatism in bo legs could not divert his mind from the horrors of the tomb, was it my fault? McFadden grovels I Ho knows no more obout poetry than a speckled mule knows about tho Shorter Catechism." Tho poet determined to leave beforo any further criticisms wcro mode upon his performances. Ho jumpod down from his chair and crept softly toward the baok staircase .Arriving at tho landing, ho suddenly encountered Brim mer, who was moving oil in tlio sumo direotion, The editor had hardly time enouvh to utter a profane ejaculation und lift tie ol to tU tW yfji, when. an old lady in a poke bonnet and silver spectacles suddenly emerged (rom the stairway and pinned tho editor to tho wall with tho ferulo of her umbrella. After grinding her teeth at him for a moment, she floored him with her weapon, and seating herself upon his prostrate lorm, Mit extracted a copy el The Morning Ulory Irom her bag, and pointing to a certain stanza in the obit uary column, usked Ott to read aloud. lie did so. It ran in this loslnon : "Ltttlo Alexander's dead, Jam him In a coflin ; Don't havo ns good a chance For a Fun'ral often. Hush his body right around To the cemetery Drop him in the sepulchre With his Uncle Jerry." At the end of every line tho indignant conqueror punched the fallen Brimmer's lib with her umbrella and exclaimed: "0 vou willin I D'you hear that you wretch? What d'you mean by writin' nf my grandson in that way? lake that, you surpint! 0, you you willin mis wiper you, tryin to DrenK a lone widder's heart with such scandalous lies as thcml There, you willin I I cum here to hammer you well wilh this here unibrcller, you wicked willin, you owda cinuj wiper you ! Take that und that, you wile, indecent, disgustin' wasabone I When you know well enough that Aleck novcr had no Unelo Jerry, and never had no uncle in no sepulchre anyhow, you wile wretch you." While she pounded the editor, the poet groped hie way down stairs six steps at a time, and emerged from the front door with remarkable suddenness. His journalistic career ended upon that day. lien Brimmer s employees drag ged away Alexander's grand-parent, and carri"d her struggling and screaming down to the street, the editor sent lor carriage and was taken heme to bed, from whence he arose a week later with an eornest determination never to permit another line of obituary poetry to cuter the columns of I ho Morning Ulory. In Lafayette county, it i claimed that for thirty miles along the Missouri river bank there is plenty of the best quality of bituminous coal, one vein of which, twenty three inches in depths, is now being worked. Below this is another vein, about thirty inches thick, which, in certain places, crops out ot the river bank. AVhcn is a mother a blie's a sighcr, father ? When A singular fuet tcrday to-morrow, -To day will be yes Thirty one flour mills in St. Louis use GO, 000 bushels of wheat per day. Athens, Ga., has n paper named Cat, wiin tho motto, "I can scratch." the A Cairo woman shot hor husband just because he tlircv slnvcwood at her. The Digcor Indians are naver known to smile. They must be grave Diggers The oalt boilers nf Saginaw, Michigan, want fuel ; expect to bo obliged to bus pend for want of it. Gimlet-town is the name of a new nil center on the lower Allegheny. Bather a small bore for an oil district. Boston has a fiuit and flower associa tion which, during the past year, has distributed 10,805 bouquets and 068 baskets of fruit to the poor aud sick of that city. A Mr. Thomson of Dade county raised a stalk of surghum, the present year, whiuh yieled three pints of juice. Tho stalk measured five inches in circumfer ence at the hut. A Kentucky cat, who had previously won gulden opinions from her mistress by her squirrel hunting prnclieities, lately cast n ulonm over the family by bringiig in a skunk she had captured. Not I'rkjudiced There is difficulty in finding a jury when an Indian comes before an Omaha court. One of the panel being asked if he had any prejudice, ro- plied: "No; only I'vo bin chased by em, bin in several battles with em, and would hang every devil of 'em at sight." The yield of the fifty furnaces now erecting will add 500,000 tons rf pig iron to the present annual produetion ot the United States, and it ts estimated that the productive capacity of all our fur naces will bo 3,000,000 tons per annum within two years. 'Papa,' said a httlo boy to his father, the other day, 'when one fellow strikes another, huin't ho get a right to strike him back? Certainly ho has,' replied tho father ; 'tho law of self-defence sane lions it.' 'Well, I'll tell you what it is,' replied young hopeful, 'tho next time you box my cars, I'll hit you a crack over the smellor." Tho Detroit Froo Press says : "Dur ing tho excitement of registration ono nt the carnages stopped at a houso on Beech street, nnd the drivor pounded at a house tenanted by a man who had neg Icoted his duty, and whoso vote might ho Inst in conscquenee. A big, stout wo ii, an opened tho door, and, upon ascer taining what had brought, tho politician around, sho replied: "No, sir, he can't no ! He's washing now, and ho's got tn iron to. morrow ; and if he wasn't doing anything he couldn't go. I run this 'cro houso, I do, and if any one rotes it'll be One morning, as tho oarly train en tered our station, a lively gentleman jumped upon tho platform, and inhaling the fresh air, enthusiastically observed to tho brakesman, 'Isn't this invigorat ing?' 'No, sir,' replied tho conscientious omploye, 'it 'a Montgomery.' Tho pleasant gentleman retired. The American mastodon must have buen a monstrous big beast. Hie teeth have been found in Michigan, the termi nal segements of his backbone were un earthed in tbe Gulf states, and they have now discovered his near forefoot in low.. His tail, if he had one, is to bo looked for somewhere about Patagonia, A pensive young man in Wisconsin seated himself beneath his girl's window, and in dulcet strains told her to "Come, love, come " And eho corned. Leaning out of tho window to ascertain who w serenading her. she lost her balance, and fell on her lovers head, knocking music, love, breath, and pretty much everything else out of him, besides fearfully smash ing n four dollar and and half hat over his eyes. 1 be young man said he didn t think she would come in such a hurry. Clerical gentleman, who objects lo smoke, and means to mako an example : 'May I inquire your name, sir?" Com mercial, "lo be sura you may, lm Davis, from Bradford, in the stuff trade. What name and line might yours be?" Clerical gentleman (with irony) : Jones, in the spiritual, sir. Commercial (not noticing the irony) : "What an awful prico you've run gin up to, in the list fortnight." The clerical gentleman die covered he had a fiiend in another ear. A young Cineinnat'i girl, who is cet- ing a "finished education" at an Kastern seminary wroto to her parents that she was "invited out to a dejouner the day before," and was going to a "fato cham- petrc the next day. J he principal of the school was surprised to receive a telegram from the "old man" a day or two altor, saying, "If you can't keep my dauchter away from those blasted menageries and side shows, I will come down aud see what ails her." A good story is told of a lady whose lm? band died far away from home, and it took so long for his remains to reach hr that his relict had quite recovered from her grief, and was giving a large lunch, party when they finally arrived. A wagon drove up to tho door, and a large box was handed out. Curiosity ran high among tho ladies at tho window, and with one accord they exclaimed : "Why, Mrs. Jones, what can that he?" Up went Mrs. Jones' eye-glasses, and after a glance sho cooly said : "Why, it must bo Jones come home. Charley, run down and open tho door for your father." Dr. Jenet, who recently died, was tho oldest citizen in Lafayette. The babea he had helped through the perils of childhood, in early practice, had eomo to bo gray-haired men ; and, one day, as tbe story goes, he had an eugageuent with ono of these, a well-known merchant. I he hour of the engagement was long past, and the doctor was pacing tho floor of his little den, when the gentleman camo in with an apology on bis lips, "No matter ! no matter 1" said the doctor, with an impatient wave ot bis hand. You are alwagt behind, I remember. says he, "thirty years ego, silting for ten mortal hours in tbe little back parlor In your father's house, waiting for you to be born. You are always behind time." There was a miser who was considered impregnable to eharateble associations until a Hibernian genius "came Paddy over htm." Teddy went to hisoffico one morning, and told a piteous story about losing his pig, tho only onO he had. "iurc " says Teddy, "Mtsthrese " (uaming a very excellent lady. whose good opinion old Hard Fist was anxious tn retain), "towld me to come to ye, for ye wor very rich, and gev a power of money to the poor, God bless you I I only want to raiso enough to buy tne another little shlip of a pig." The miser couldn't resist the influence of Mrs. , so he gave Teddy a crown. A few days afterward he met him. "Well, Teddy," aid he, ''did you buy another pig? "Troth I did ; and a fiuo ono it is." "Then take better enro of it than vou did of tho other. What did tho pig you lost die of?" "Dio of," said Teddy. raising his eyebrows ; "shure he didn't die he was fat enough, and 1 killed him I A Lucky Plate. Many people havo found golden (surprises under their "tren chers" at breakfast on birthday mornings and the like, but we arc told that u great hnglishman found his whole fortune and a tarm ou suob a numnio utensil, A pewter plate founded tho Peel family, Itobert, in tho poor country about Black burn, seeing a largo family growing up about him, felt that some eourco of in come must bo added to the meagre pro ducts of his little farm. Uo quietly conducted experiments in calico printing in his own home. One day, thoughtfully handling a pewter plate from which one of the children had just dined, ha sketched npon its smooth surface tho outline of a parsley leaf, and filling this with coloring matter, he was delighted to find that tho impression could be accu rately conveyed to tho surface of cotton cloth. Here was tho first suggestion toward calico printing from metal rollers. The "parsley leaf" on the pewter plato opened in a world of industry to Lan cashire ; and Sir Itobert Peel, to ilia day, ia called, in tho neighborhood of Blac.tVbjUB, "Parsley Peel."