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Franklin's paper the statesman. (Denver, Colo.) 1906-1912, August 03, 1906, Image 2

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn91052311/1906-08-03/ed-1/seq-2/

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fuulid German Gives the Judge a
Chance to Get Even with
The judge had his patience eorel)
tried by lawyers who wished to talk
and by men who tried to evade jury
Bervice. Between hypothetical ques
tiona and excuses it seemed as if they
never would get to the actual trial ol
the case, relates the Green Bag. So
when the puzzled little German who
had been accepted by both sides
jumped up the judge was exasperated
“Shudge!” cried the German.
“What is it?" demanded the judge.
“I tink I like to go home to my
wife,” said the German
“You can't, ’ retorted the Judge. “Sit
down ”
“But shudge,” persisted the Ger
man. “I don’t tink I make a good
“You’re the best in the box,” said
the judge. “Sit down.”
“What box?” said the German.
“Jury box." said the judge.
“Oh, I thought it vas a bad box that
peoples gets in somedimes.”
“No,” said the Judge, “the bad box
is the prisoner's box.”
“But, shudge,” persisted the little
German, “I don’t speak good English.”
“You don't have to speak any at all,”
said the judge. “Sit down.”
The little German pointed at the 1
lawyers to make his last desperate
"Shudge.” he said. “I can’t make
noddings of what these fellers say.”
It was the Judge’s chance to get |
even for many annoyances.
"Neither can anyone else,” he said. ■
“Sit down.”
With a sigh the little German sat
Young Man in the Navy Gains Ad- \
vancement by Clever Sur
gical Operation.
No matter how straight a man may
shoot, no matter how expert he may be
in seamanship, no matter what his
knowledge of torpedoes and such
things, there is no promotion for him
In the United States navy unless—
well, unless he is good looking, says
the Chicago Inter Ocean. Uncle Sain
will not have petty officers, even, that
are not handsome chape—fellows with
good faces under their caps.
And so it was that Frank Clancy,
live years in the service and one of
the cleverest lads on the torpedo boat
destroyer Lawrence, could not get a
step higher than the ranks. He
passed brilliantly in everything, but
to no purpose, for Frank had a nose
that was anything but an ornament
It was a hollow nose, with a big, up
turned end. which made him look as
If a scoop had been at work between
It and his eyes.
The young sailor was grievously dis
appointed and mourned the physical
disability that deprived him of ad
vancement. In despair he sought a
face specialist, directing him to “kill
or cure” the offending member.
In 40 minutes Frank Clancy was
ready to take his place with the finest
looking on board Uncle Sam's ships.
And now, thanks to science aiding na
ture, he is an officer on the Lawrence.
America's Great Export Crops.
Mure (ban one-third of all the Amer
ican export trade has been In the two
great crops, cotton ami wheat.
Finer Than Any of the Makes Recog
nized as Famous.
“Japanese swords are the finest,”
said a swordmaker. “They are finer
than the blades of Ferrara, of Toledo
or of Damascus.
“The blades of Ferrara, of Toledo
and of Damascus must bend into a
perfect circle without breaking, and.
a pillow of down being thrown in the
air. they must cut it in two with one
clean stroke.
“But the Japanese blade must do
all that and more. The final test of
a Japanese blade is its suspension,
edge upward, beneath a tree. It must
hang beneath the tree for twenty
four hours, and every lightest leaf
that falls upon its edge must be sev
ered neatly.. One failure and back
to the forge goes the Japanese blade
Marriage by Proxy.
In Holland, says a Scotch mper,
marriage by proxy Is allowed. This
is le so-called "marriage by the
glove." and is usually put in practice
by a Dutchman who is sojourning
abroad snd. wanting a wife, is too
poor or too far ofT to return home for
one. In such a case he writes home
to a lawyer, who selects one conform
able to the requirements of his client.
If the gentleman approves he next
sends the lawyer a soiled left-hand
glove and a power of attorney, which
settles the business. A friend mar
ries the woman by proxy, and she is
thereafter promptly shipped off to her
new home.
The Artistic Temperament.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton says in
his “Heretics": "The artistic tem
perament is a disease that afflicts
amateurs, it is a disease that arises
from men not having sufficient power
of expression to utter and get rid
of the element of art In their be
ing. Artists of a large and whole
some vitality get rid of their art
easily, as they breathe easily and
perspire easily. But In artists of less
force the thing becomes a pressure,
and produces a definite pain, which
is called the artistic temperament.
The great tragedy of the artistic tem
perament is that it ran not produce
any art."
The Dead Sea.
The Medlteranean sea is 1312 feet
higher than the Dead sea.
Stupid Jeweler.
Miss Inez Entz —Yea. Mr. Fickle
proposed last night and we're engag
ed. now. I'm so happy; and I'm the
first girl George ever loved, too.
Miss Wise—Yes? I don’t notice
your ring. Didn’t he give you one?
Miss Inez Entz —Yes. but. you see,
hd had to take it back to have it fix
ed. The stupid Jeweler made the in
scription read, “George to Genevieve”
instead of “George to Inez.”—Catholic
Standard and Times.
Extensive Autobiographies Unneeded.
Chauncey M Depew’s extensive au
tobiograpliy to the rongressional Rec
ord, almost a full page, recalls a re
mark said to have been made by Wil
liam H. Seward over a half century
ago: “There Is no man In this land
who Is of sufficient importance to this
country and to mankind to justify his
consumption of five minutes of oui
time with personal explanations of
When Gold Failed.
Burke Coekran said that no man
with $10,000,000 could be put in jail
in this country, and that statement
fairly well represents the estimate of
the power of money that prevails with
many people. Yet there are occasions
when money is absolutely powerless.
One of these occurred at the time of
the wreck of the Valencia.
Among those who are supposed to
have perished when the vessel went to
pieces was J. 13. Graham. He had re
cently sold a mine in Alaska for $60,-
000, and part of the proceeds of this
sale he carried with him in gold in a
hag. This bag went down with Gra
Those who were rescued say that he
made frantic efforts to Induce others
to save hifti. offering all his bag of
gold; but none heeded him. and his
precious sack lay on the broken deck,
kicked here and there, unnoticed and
unvalued in that trying time. It was
the hour when gold failed, as it al
ways fails when held beside the hope
of life.
Said one of the survivors: “I'm
coming into a safe harbor without a
cent Why, even this shirt 1 have on
belongs to another man. and I have
not even a hat. Hut that bag of gold,
or even that ship loaded with gold,
would not tempt me into such a place
Just a Little Joke.
An easterner traveling through Ar
kansas on horseback arrived at the
bank of a river. As there appeared to
be no way to cross it except by swim
ruing, the traveler dismounted, tied his
clothes to his horse, drove him into the
river, and swam after him.
On reaching th..- other side, the east
erner dressed and continued his way.
Before going forty feet, however, he
came to the fork* of the road He
looked about him for a sign. There
was none, but just across the river,
near the spot he had entered to swim
across, he saw a board nailed to a tree.
There was nothing to do but to swim
across again and read that sign. So
in again the traveler plunged. After
climbing the hank on the other side
he read the following notice:
"Ten dollars’ fine for crossing this
bridge faster than a walk.”—Youth’s
The great Educational Institution for Kansas and the Wes
DEPARTMENTS: Theological, College, Academic, N'oimal, Sub-Norma
and State Industrial.
COURSES: Classical, College preparatory, Academic, Normal, Sub-
Normal, Musical, (Instrumental and Vocal), including
piano, organ and harmony, Drawing (Fine art and Me
chanical), Carpentry, Printing and Book-binding, Busi
ness Course, Stenography and Typewriting, Tailoring
Dressmaking and Plain Sewing, Cooking, Laundering,
Farming and Gardening.
ADVANTAGES: Splendid Location, Healthful Climate, Good Influences
and Thorough Teachers from the leading schools of
America including Lincoln, University of Kansas, Wil-
Iberforce, Tuskegee and Hampton,
INFORMATION: For terms, prices and all inducements offered, write to
Quindaro, Kansas.
Bill Phones Office White 4302; Res. West 15
A Minor Trouble.
"Did jo’ heah 'bout our bad luck?
No? Dc ol' man was smokin’ In bed
an' he set things aflah an' burnt de
haldboard an’ de pillers, an' de fla.smen
dey (rowed water all ovah de (eatbab
dek! I nevah did see no such a rtu
»’ b).d luck!*
“An' what "bont de ol’ man?”
•Ba si' man? Oh. be su daMt*
a. aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA
. , Formerly known u
:: “ozoiizeo ox mauov h
« . KINKY or CURLY HAIR that t» ran b«pil
I i ip tn any style de.trwd conalatent with IU
, , length.
for4'l Hwlr Vommdm *»' forwierly
4 ’ known at "OZONISKDtJXMARROW” and la
4 * the only oafe pr*p*rtuun known to ua that
4 i tnakea kinky or carl) hair itral|hl> aa
4 i ihown above. It* nee make. the m<*et Sink*
4 , born, bank, kinky or rnrly hair no ft,
pliable and MMy »*• comb Th*aa reenll*
4 ' may be obtained from one treatment. 1 to 4
4 1 hotllee are nanally aufiietent for a year. T>»
< • uar of Kor#f Hair Pomjule ("OZOKIZED
< > OX MARK'JW”) remuTee and prevent* dan
< , druff. relievo* ttchlaf. Invlg- rate* tha train.
atope the hair from falling ont«r breaking on.
' make* It grow and. by aoeriahln* the rood*.
4 * flrea It new life and vigor. Being elegantly
4 4 perfumeda anJ harm lows, U la a toilet
* ► neceaaltyfor ladle*. gentlemen and rblldren
4 - Ford's_Halr Poma4e i OZOKIZkD <>X
, , MARROW’) kaa been made and told contln
' oooaly alqoeabootuiM. and label "OZOMIXED
4 * «)A MARROW”, waa rtelilerwl In the United
1 > Htatea Patent Ode*. In WM In all that long
< > period of time there hat never been a bottle
< , returned from the hand red* of thoneanda we
, , hare an id. FORt>‘ll HAIR POMADE remain.
aweet and affective. no matter bow long yon
4 1 keep It. Be tore to net rtH'ti M Ita nae
4 » make« th« hair #T HAIGHT. bOPT. and
i 4 >Z MARROW”) la put op oaly In Met- alae.
, and la mole only In i'blrago and by na. The
genuine baa the alfnatam. r barUa Ford Proet.
4 » on each peek age. Refuse all other*. Full dl
i > d«» dealer ran not anpply yon. he ran J
. . procure It from hla jobber or wholeaale denier
4 <>r aend ua It rta. for one bottle postpaid. or
4 * H M for three bottle# or MU for ail bottles
4 » etpreaa paid. Wa pay Postage and eipreaa
< » charge# all po|nta In U. lA. Whe» order
4,la* aend postal or eipreaa money order, and
. thla paper. Writ* your name gad
add mat plainly to
< The Ozonized Ox Harrow Oe.
* | {No%4 fenttin* without my liguatum)
70 Wrtirt Iw, a.Uf». m.
Agaolg wailad oowry whwrw.

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