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She Could Spare Him.
**W« are getting: up contributions for the Horn* for Inebriate Workingmen,** explained the committee as Mrs. O’Flarity opened the door to them. Mrs. O’Flarity smiled broadly. "Come back on the inside of half an hour,” said she, “and ye* can git Mr. O'Flarity.” In Old Kentucky. “I hear Colonel Bourbon’s left arm was cut off in the railway accident.” “Yes, suh, a most unfawtunate oc currence, but fawtunately his drinking arm wsb entirely uninjured.”—Life. Rather Injurious. Surgedn General Rixey was talking In Washington about his recent state ment concerning the harm that cig arettes do sailors. “Let them defend the cigarette as they please,” he said; “whenever I hear these defences I think of the sick horse and the turpentine. “Tom met Bill on the road one day. “ ‘Bill, I want a word with you,’ he ■aid. “Be quick, then,” said Bill; I’m in a hurry.” " ’What did you give your sick horse the other day?’ “ ‘A pint of turpentine.’ “Tom hurried home, and poured a •pint of turpentine down the throat of his own ailing nag, which at once grew worse and in an hour was dead. “Then Tom, disgusted with Bill’s veterinary ability, sought him out. “ ‘Why, Bill,' he said, ’I gave my horse a pint of turpentine, and it killed him.’ “ ‘So it did mine,” said Bill. Awful Effects. Acrid Ike —Dey say dat steady drippin’ o’ water’ll wear away a stone. Dreamy Pete —Jes. t’ink, den, wot’d happen t' a man’s stomach J>y pourin’ glassfuls inter it. —February Bohemian. On Carnegie. Andrew Carnegie, at a dinner that ■was recently given in his honor in New York, told an amusing story at his own expense. “I was traveling on an English rail road Londonward last year,” he said, *‘and had chosen a seat in a non-smok ing carriage. At a wayside station a man boarded the train and sat down in my compartment, and lighted a vile clay pipe. “ ‘This is not a smoking carriage,’ ■aid I. “ ‘All right, governor.’ said the man. Til just finish this pipe here.* "He finished it, then refilled it again. “ ‘See here,’ I said. ‘I told you this wasn’t a smoking carriage. If you per sist with that pipe I shall report you at the next station to the guard.’ "I handed him my card. He looked at it, pocketed it, but lighted his pipe nevertheless. At the next station, how ever. he changed to another compart ment. “Calling a guard. I told him what had occurred and demnnded that the smok er’s name and address be taken. “ ‘Yes, sir,’ said the guard, and hur ried away. In a little while he re turned, He seemed rather awed. He bent.w>ver me and said apologetically: “ ‘Do you know, sir, if I were you I would not prosecute that gent. He has just given me his card. Here it is. He is Mr. Andrew Carnegie.” The Savage Age. H. G. FJske, president of the Na tional Humane Alliance, said recently In New York, in an address upon hu manity: "Humanity abolishes that cruelty, of ten thoughtless, which keeps current apeeches, such as one I overheard a boy of ten make to a boy of eight. “ ‘Say, Jimmy,’ so ran this speech, ‘give us a suck o’ that there orange o’ yourn, an’ I’ll let ye drown one o’ our kittens.’ ” $5.00 in Gold, Free. Send ns the names of your friends who want a piano, and if we secure an order as a result we will give you $5 In gold for your trouble. Send all the details you can and write plainly. The Knight-Campbell Music Co., 1625-31 California St., Denver, Colo. He Wouldn’t Set. A Washington photographer, now fa mous, told the other day how, in his youth, he was practicing his art in Cleveland when Mark Twain visited the town to lecture. Impressed with the humorist’s splen did features, the photographer, at the lecture’s end, sent up a note asking Mr. Clemens for a sitting. The reply that came back was char acteristic. It said: “A sitting! Is thy servant a hen that be should do this thing?” Denver Directory FAMOUS J. H. WILSON STOCK SADDLES As* your dealer for them. Take no other. CinVE KEPAIRS of every known make ** ■w * of stove, furnace or range. Geo A Fallen. 18SI Lawrence. Denver. Phone 7*5. BROWN PALACE HOTEL A fe'M Ku rope an I'lan. $l.OO and Upward. AGENTS WANTED To secure Hohreseekcrs for the Gulf Coast of Texas."- Flowing Artesian \\’ell*z-3 Crons a Year—Big Commission. THE KIMBALL AGENCY CO.. 900 17th Ht.. Denver, Colo. 6. E. BURLINGAME & CO., ASSAY OFFICE * ND LABORATORY Established in Colorado,lB66. Samples by mail or express will receive prompt and careful attcnt ion 6oM & Silver Bullion R ' l 'o n “v"u*pc d H , ; d .c“ ,,, '‘ Concentration Tests— 100 1736-1738 lewrenee St., Denver, Colo. The M.J.O’FALLON SUPPLY CO. "x WHOLESALE PlfimbSiiK and Steam Goods Boilers and radiators for heating residences anu puuiK ouiiulngs. (U-nerul stenin and wa ter works supplies; pipe and fittings. valves and pocking. liras* pipe, sewer pipe, cement, garden hose, fire hose. etc. Inquire for our ■peclal pipe cutting tools. WcJte for general Information. OFFICE, 1518 WYNICOOP ST.. DENVER. COLORADO. Plants pflE&Sla r o s f. s n it i, n 8, vines. VL mmxmMai “The Bl* Growers.” Denver. Colorado. ' TEACHERS AT WHITE HOUSE PRESIDENT ADDRESSES OFFICERS OF NATIONAL EDUCATIONAL ASSOCIATION. COUNTRY STILL SOUND THEY WASTE THEIR TIME WHO ASK HIM TO LET UP ON CORRUPTION. 1 Washington.—That there will be no ! letup in President Roosevelt’s policy of warring "against rottenness and cor ' ruption,” was emphatically declared by the President Wednesday in an ad | dress to the delegates to the Depart ment of Superintendence of the Na tional Educational Association during their reception at the White House. Continuing, the President gave his views on educational methods at con siderable length and with characteris tic catholicity of thought and vigor of expression. President Roosevelt in his address to the convention said in part: “Of all the bodies of citizens that I have received here at the White House there is none that occupies a more im portant relation than yours. I am tempted to say none has come that has occupied as important a relation to the nation, because you men and women who deal with education, represent the grea l American policy of education for all children, a relation to the family, a relation to the future of our whole people, such as no other like number of individuals can bear. I own six of the children that you educate, and I am prepared to extend cordial sympathy to some of you. “Seriously, friends, it is idle for any man to talk of despairing of the fu ture of this country, or feeling unduly alarmed about it, if he will come in contact with you here and with the forces that you represent. Fundamen tally this country is sound; morally no less than physically. Fundamentally in its family lib? and in the outside ac tivities of its individuals, the country is better and not worse than it for merly was. "This does not mean that we are to be excused if we fail to war against rottenness ami corruption, if we fail to contend effectively with the forces j of evil; and they waste their time who ask me to withhold my hand from deal ing therewith. But it is worth while to smite the wrong for the very rea son that we are confident that the right will ultimately prevail. "I trust that more and more our peo ple will see to it that the schools train toward and not away from the tarn and the workshop. We have spoken a great | deal about the dignity of labor in this country: but we have not acted up to i our spoken words; for in our educa tion we have tended to proceed upon the assumption that the educated man was to be educated away from, and not toward labor. “The great nations of mediaeval I lines, who left such marvelous works of architecture and art behind them wore able to do so because they edn- I cated alike the brain and hand of the i craftsman.” Funeral of Father Leo. Denver.—Never before in the history J of the Catholic church, it may be, have i such high honors been paid to a de i ceased friar as attended the funeral obsequies Wednesday of Father Leo at St. Elizabeth church. Following a solemn requiem high mass, attended by a crowd that filled the church and over flowed along the street for half a block: a sermon by Father William O’Rvan and the final blessing of the coffin. the body was borne from the church to the hearse and the proces sion wound its way to the union sta tion. The body, followed by the prayers of his people, was taken at 2:30 o’clock for the long journey to Paterson, New Jersey, where the dead friar will be in terred in the little cemetery behind the monastery where he prepared himself for the priesthood and was onhiined The route is over the Burlington to Chicago, from whence the journey will he resumed over the Erie railroad di rect to Paterson. At the funeral police linos had to he establish ’d to allow parishioners and members of tbe church societies to en ter. The city officials, clergy of the city, members ef the Christian Mol hers’ Ve rein. the Young Ladies sodality, the . ights of St. John and Knights of Co lumbus were admitted and assigned seats. Gov. Henry A. Buchtel, Mayor R. W. Speer and Sheriff Alexander Nls bet were seated in a front pew, facing the dead Franciscan. The Knights of Columbus occupied the main body of the cnurch, about 400 being present. Back of them were seated parishioners, while to the left of the center the Young Toadies’ sodality and the Chris tian Mothers brought up In the rear. To the melancholy strains of the Chopin funeral march the procession filed through the main streets in the following order: Platoon of police. Grand Marshal Parotli; Knights of St. John: hearse with special guard of Knights ot St. John, followed by the Franciscan Fathers Eusebius, Alony sius. Athanasius and Wulstan, all clad in the brown robes of their order: Catholic clergy In a body; mounted Knights of Columbus and the main body of the same order, 250 strong, on foot. House Passes Land Bill. Washington.—The House Wednes day passed Representative Bonynge’s bill providing that any desert land on tryman who may have lost, forleited or abandoned his entry shall be entitled to make a second desert ejitry as ti.ough the former entry had not been made, unless it was assigned in whole or in part, relinquished for a valuable consideration, or cancelled for fraud. Ivy’s Strength. An ivy plant which established Itself In a crevice of the tower of St. John the Baptist church at Yaraborough, England, undermined the foundation and lifted stones out of place until It will cost $3,000 to make repairs. How’s This? We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any easo of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. _ F. J. CHENEY 6 CO., Toledo, O. Wc, tbe undersigned, have known F. J. Cbeuejr for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly hon orable In all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by his firm. Wai.oin(i. Rinnan A Mahtin. Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O Hall’s Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally, actlug directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of tbe system. Testimonials sent free. Price 75 cents per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Take Hall’s Family Pills for constipation. Running No Risk. “What?” asks the maiden aunt. “Going to marry that Mr. Newwun? Why, you hardly know the man, Imo gene. In the few days you have been acquainted with him you cannot pos sibly have learned anything of his fam ily of antecedents or habits or per sonal circumstances.” "That is true, Aunt Keturah. But you have always told me that no wom an who knows anything about a man will marry him.” —Success Magazine. Power of Deceiving. There is a Brooklyn woman who possesses a servant who is a model in all respects save one—in that she is none too truthful. Lately the mistress has been using all her eloquence to make Nora see the error of her deceitfulness. But at last she had to own herself beaten when Nora, with a beaming Irish smile, turned and in a most cajoling tone said: “Sure, now, mum, an* wot de ye suppose the power of desavin’ wai given us fer?” —Illustrated Sunday Magazine. HOW DO THEY GET IN? Physiological Problem That Nora Could Not Solve. A Philadelphia physician tells of an amusing conversation between two Irish girls in domestic service who, while on tho board walk at Atlantic City one day not long ago. were ex changing views as to their various physical ailments. "It’s a sthrange thing, ain’t it, Norah,” asked one of the girls, “how nianny new koinds of diseases people gel these days. Only this mor-rnin’ I were rcadin’ an advertisement of a now midicine. It said it were wonder rfui for a sluggish liver.” "Gwan!" exclaimed the other girl, scornfully. "Liver trouble an’t no new disase. Me own grandfather was havin’ liver trouble whin 1 were not more’n tin years old.” "Maybe,” was the laconic response. “But," added Norah, "what I want to know is: how do tliitn slugs get inside the liver, anyhow?"—lllustrated Sun day Magazine. SHE WAS BUSY, TOO! She —And did my Duckums do a lot of work-work at the office last night? He —A —er —yes. dear; in fact, dar ling, I was so much occupied that I have never known time go as quickly as it did last night. She —Yes, dear, didn’t it! (And Dickums wasn’t out late again.’) BRAIN POWER Increased by Proper Feeding. A lady writer who not only has done good literary work, but reared a family, found in Grape-Nuts tho ideal food for brain work and to develop healthy children. She writes: "I am an enthusiastic proclaimer of Grape-Nuts as a regular diet. I for merly had no appetite in the morning and for S years while nursing my four children, had insufficient nourishment for them. “Unable to eat breakfast I felt faint later, and would go to tho pantry and eat cold chops, sausage, cookies, dough nuts or anything I happened to find. Being a writer, at times my head felt heavy and my brain asleep. “When I read of Grape-Nuts I began eating it every morning, also gave it to tho children, including, my 10 months old baby, who soon grew as fat as a litlo pig, good natured and contented. “Within a week I had plenty of breast milk, and felt stronger within two weeks. I wrote evenings and feeling tho need of sustained brain power, began eating a small saucer of Grape-Nuts with milk instead of my usual Indigestible hot pudding, pie, or cake for dessert at night. / “Grape-Nuts did wonders for mo and 1 learned to like it. I did not mind my housework or mother’s cares, for I felt strong and full of ’gfo.’ I grew plump, nerves strong, anil when I wrote my brain was active nnd clear; indeed, tho dull head pain l , never re turned.” "There’s a Reason." Name given by Postum Co.. Battle Creek, Mich. Read, “The Road to Wellville,” in pkgs. POLICE JUDGE WILLS. Will Gladly Answer the Questions of any Inquirer. It Is a generous offer that Police Judge J. H. Wills, of Cloverport, Ky., makes to sufferers from backache, kid- ney and bladder ills. Judge Wills knows the value of Doan’s Kidney Pills and will answer the ques tions of any sufferer who writes to him. ) The judge says: “I take pleasure in re commending Doan’s Kidney Pills to persons suffer ing from kidney disorders, backache, etc. It is the best remedy I have ever known and I will gladly answer any questions about It.” Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Mil burn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y. HER CHOICE OF DEMISE. Pathetic Thought of Little Girl Who Had Lost Playmate. Mary had for neighbor a small play mate, a mueh-loved and attractive boy. The little lad rushed across the street one day, throwing back a glance at his mother. At that instant a trolley car swept around the corner and the re sulting tragedy threw the town into mourning. Each family wept as though its own son had been lost. Mary was utterly disconsolate and, little as she had previously known of death, realized in a childish way the added horror of this one. In her con vulsive grief, and while her father and mother sat with sobs in their throats and tears overflowing, Mary straight ened up and sobbed: "Mother, when 1 die I hope it will be of a disease and not of a damage!” ECZEMA FOR 55 YEARS. Suffered Torments from Birth—ln Frightful Condition —Got No Help Until Cuticura Cured Him. “I had an itching, tormenting ecze ma ever since I cara» into the world, and I am now a man 55 years old. I tried all kinds of medicines I heard of, but found no relief. I was truly in a frightful condition. At last I broke out all over with red and white boils, which kept growing until they were as big as walnuts, causing great pain and misery, but I kept from scratching as well as 1 could. I was so run down that I could hardly do my work. 1 used Cuticura Soap. Oint ment, Resolvent, and Pills for about eight months, and I can truthfully say I am cured. Hale Bordwell, Tipton, la., Aug. 17, 1907.” "I cheerfully endorse the above tes timonial. It is the truth. I know Mr. Bordwell and know the condition he was in. Nelson R. Burnett, Tipton, la.” GREATNESS. The man who has greatness thrust upon him is always sure that he could have achieved it if that had been nec essary'. Macaroni Wheat. Salzer’s strain of Macaroni or Kubanka wheat is absolutely pure and i 9 from seed obtained from the Department of Agri culture. Our strain is Dakota grown which laughs at droughts and elements and positively mocks black rust that ter rible scorch and would be ashamed of itself if it did not return from 40 to 80 bu. of the finest wheat the sun shines on per acre in good 111., Ja., Mich., \Yis., Ohio, Penn., Mo.. Neb., Kan., and other lands, and 40 to 60 bu. per acre in arid lands. No rust, no insects, no failure. JUST SEND 10c AND THIS NOTICE to t».e John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis., and they will send you the most original seed book published, to gether with free samples of farm seeds such as Macaroni Wheat. Billion Dollar Grass, Victoria Rape, Sainfoin, tlie dry soil luxuriator, Bromus Inermis, the des ert grassifier, Emperor William Oats, more original than the Emperor himself, etc., etc., etc. And if you send 14c they will mail in addition a package of farm seed never Tie fore seen by you. John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. K. & W. The surer a gtrr is about a man s being in love with her the less sure she is about being in love with him. “Brown’* Bronchial Troche*” are helpful to singers, teachers and clergymen for clearing the voice. Con tain nothing harmful. Of course men are not vain, but Jifist tell a man of 50 that ho doesn’t look a day over 30 and watch the effect. l\ RHEUMATISM f Is most painful. i rnU * j SMACOBSOIL Jgjjm Gives instant relief. / Removes the twinges. / y USE IT, THEN YOU'LL KNOW M / 26o.—ALL DRUGGISTS—SO©. Ul W > ? >f \ ✓ TERRIBLE. Minister—l’m afraid you men will do anything for money. Meandering Mike —Yus; some fel lows will even work for it. Modus Vivendi. The handsome but impecunious young chap who had married the rich and elderly widow began to hint that it was time to give him the control of her funds and the management of her estate. “Launcelot," she said. “I shall allow you a sufficient income for the supply of your wants, but I expect to keep my business affairs in my own hands. This is not. a consolidation. This is a limited partnership.” Meat of the Cocoanut. “Your honor,” said the lawyer, “I ask the dismissal of my client on the ground that the warrant fails to state that he hit Bill Jones with malicious intent.” “This court,” replied the country justice, “ain’t a graduate of none of your technical schools. I don’t care what he hit Bill with. The pint is, did he hit him? Proceed.” WHAT CAUSES HEADACHE. From October to May, Colds are the most fre quent cause of Headache. LAXATIVE UROMO QUININE removes cause. E.W.Orove on box 35c The more money a girl has to burn the easier it will be for her to find a leap-year match. PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS. PAZO OINTMENT lx guaranteed to euro any case of Itching. Blind. Bleeding or Protruding Pile* in 6to U days or money refunded. 60c. Many a man has been saved from foolishness by having a reputation to lfce up to. nrnmirntimimmmm'ii ! '.iii Fof Illfailtg and Children. Tho Kind You Have ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT Y ( tjr AWietable Preparation for As- _ _ # I jjffSSiaaafr Bears the /y gj jBBHBjjjjBE Signature /Am Su" Promotes Digestion,Cheerful- M If Ir ?j nessandßest.Contains neither nj /R /V l t> Opium .Morphine nor Mineral / l\. ly 5j Not Narcotic. (Luy (N /Wjiw souorSAMvamaat. I All ||| flutyJirtm S—J - A 1/ V (2 MxSm*m * ICV S AkMUJm* •) 1/1 m a Jft* In p JIL Y* || k A perfect Remedy for Conslipa- Alt II § H MC lion. Sour Stomach,Diarrhoea, ■ a If' Worms,Convulsions.Feverish- I IAT ■* ** jjj< ness and Loss OF SLEEP \ M Eni* II up I* fac Simile Signature of | Thirty Years MHHcastoria Exact Copy of Wrapper* thco(mtauiicommnt mkw vona oinr. OFTHEFAMILY, 8 \ P / S MEN. BOYS, WOMEN, MISSES AND CHILDREN. R A O W. L. DouQlmm makmm mnd mmllm 1 ff tnen’m $2.80, s3.ooands3.3oaho*m than any othar manufacturer In tho amrtd, bcoauam they hold tho!r m &^ mhaoo. tfthottor, wear lon oar. and m arc of proatar mHua than any othar Hk-\vy f, v, l tta mhooa Intho world to-day. , n W. L Doujlu $4 and $5 Ollt Edge Shoes Carnot Be Equalled At Any Price ay CAUTION. W. I* DoaglMnatno and nrtre Is stamped.on bottom?■ Sold by the best shoe dealer* every where. Shot* moiled!rotn factory^tor any psrt oftheworld. Iltua bated Cal#log free lo any addreu. W. DOUGLAS, UrocUton, The General Demand of the Well-Informed of the World ha* always been for a simple, pleasant and efficient liquid laxative remedy of known value; a laxative which physicians could ■auction for family use because its com ponent parts are known to them to bo wholesome and truly beneficial in effect, acceptable to the system and gentle, yet prompt, in action. In supplying that demand with its ex cellent combination of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna, the California Fig Syrup Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relic* on the merits of the laxative for its remark able success. That is one of many reasons why Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Serma is given the preference by tho Welt-Informed. To get its beneficial effects always buy tbe genuine -manufactured by the Cali fornia Fig Syrup Co., only, and for sal® by all leading druggists. Price fifty cent* per bottle. SICK HEADACHE Positively cured by CARTERS ,hMe L, " ,e p,l ‘*- Thoy aIBO re i| eTO Dlo |TTs r trcanfrom Dyupe pal A, In- I If digestion and Too Hearty Vfl I r R Eating. A perfect rru> ■jfl L?a |"i* cdy for Dizziness, Nan ■ 9 LLv« sea, Drowsiness, Bad VV__BM Taate In the Month, Coa^ ed Tongue, I’ain in tbs 5 I Side, TORPID LIVES. They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable* SHALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE. rADTCPd Genuine Must Bear bAHICKo Fac-Simile Signature Wittle I REFUSE SUBSTITUTES. If Interested In poultry, write for our new ttookie* 20 Years with Poultry Illiixtrntt-d. Brimful of fiu-tx and up-to-date Idea* lor the-adv«need iKJUltrj r»l*er KHKK! GKO. H. LKK to., Omaha. Nebr. RIVPIITA W*t»*is F. rolrauaa, I’nN-nf Attor- IKM I ney. WiihliiiikNiii. I* «V Ad*n-e I fl I kll I Wires'. Turin*low. liklit—t ref. FFIprssEEDS ' I v wJ Forfresn- I sSeeds ■ are * n a c * ass '' 1 1 j in them because can be relied up n.ent with cheap a conscientious nfjrjl&i ■■ and trustworthy Ula , i.iMlfn Ferry’s Seed Annuel for ltios Is KkKK. Addrete 0 M.FuiTACa^UnioiT.Mtcik 0 C C ll ™ T ’ S w lai rnm A# reliable. Write for WflA-SOv® cur new Catalogue. It's KKI'.K. J. J. H. CatooßT 4 Son, Mamuhcao. Mitt. W. N. U., DENVER, NO. 9, 1908.