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LET THE WOMEN VOTE.
Say v. you old sixteenth century mossback man, would .you know a cyclone if it walked up and shook its fist in your face? Jn other words, can you recognize the opportunity of a life-time when you see it? If so, you'd better muzzle your gab-trap be fore it goes off half-cocked on the woman suffrage question. If you will crawl off of that goods box and put your ear to the ground you will hear a mighty rumbling. That's the Woman's Suffrage Special coming-down the line at a mile a- minute, and all who don't climb on board or take to the woods will get run over. You may tliink this is only a , bluff game that the women are pulling off half ripe, but you just hold your snipe-bag and you'll see. Sure, Mike, it's exactly like I tell you. There's going to be music in the air pretty soon, and the man who wants a good seat in the band wagon had better apply early. When the women of this coun try begin to line up in battle array and ask for something, as they are now doing, the men might just as well throw up their hands and surrender. Socialism and Cannonism and the tariff, and all that class of kiln-dried questions, will be lost sight of in the coming campaign. They will only be side shows. Woman suffrage will occupy the big tent and draw the crowd. The Fool-Killer is not ashamed nor afraid to come out in the open and whoop it up for the women. In fact, if it will do you any good to call this a woman suffrage pa per, you have my permission to do so, for I certainly favor itr rather than oppose it. - There are lots of ways in which woman suffrage would help. In the first place, it would 'give the vvomen something to do besides tagging around after old flumiky Fashion and filtering neighbor- noou gossip inrougu uie sam s oi ...a -ma? 1 A time. Most women are lull ol life and energy and must have something to do. As long as we refuse to let them take any part in the affairs of government, we can't blame them if they run .wild over the frills of fashion and rip the lie m off of their modesty in the saw-briers of Snobdom. Say Woman Suffrage to some men and it is like shaking a red rag at a bull'. They want to climb a tree and yell bloody murder; ;They believe that if women wTer.e given the ballot it would cause the government to jump the track and turn a million double sum mersaults right dab into the hot place. The same class of men in China would think it an unpardon able sin for their women folks to eat at the same table with the men. The Chinese women must eat off the kitchen floor and sleep in the dog-house. And we have some alleged men here in America who Would like to see our women treated in the same way. They will admit that the American wor man is good enotigh to love and marry and sleep With, but they swear she hasn't got sense enough to vote. Whata pity! The State fells me I can vote, and my right to do so has never been challenged at' the1 polls. And if I didn't be lieve my wife is just as fit to vote as I am, I wouldn't live with her, dog niy-cats if L would. There are thousands of tobacco scented, likker-guzzlitig, ' fouK mouthed, good-for-nothing pantaloon-racks who would go naked and perish to death if their poor little wives didn't take in washing. And yet when election day comes these low-down trollops will strut around and say to their wives: "Look-ee here, you slaves, we patriotic men are going to the election to-day to help save the State... You stay here and wash them old pants that we rolled; in the mud with- when we . were drunk the other day. That's all you are fit for." And so it goes. Our progress along the road that leads away from heathehism can be read in the position that woman holds amon.-jf men. The nations that hold woman as a slave continue to flounder in dark ness. Every recognition of the rights of woman is a step toward the light. One ridiculous argument that they bring up against woman suf frage is this: They declare that the average voting-place on elec tion day is not a fit place for a woman to be. They say there is too much drinking and cursing and foul talk. Question: What makes it that way? Answer: The men. The presence of women would change all that. W oman suffrage will purify the atmos phere around the voting place. And whatever will purify the voting place w ill purify the na tion. There are thousands of good reasons for giving woman the ballot, and not one sensible argument against it. Lord help us! "What kind of a government have we anyhow? It has just come to light that "Cap tain' y Pete Hains, who is serving a sentence in the penitentiary for cold-blooded murder, has at the same time been drawing good money as an officer in the United States army. Say, you American patriot, why don't you smile? A Pint Cup's Large Enough. This world ia a dark old dungeon, And needs your light and mine,; So don't put it under a bushel, But on a candlestick to shine. But if you must hide it somehow, Don't try that game of-bluif Don't hide it under a bushel, For a pint cup 's large enough. THE CENSUS MAN. Good morning. What's your name? ' Where do you live? - Are ou a'mn or a woman? , Are you white or black? A re. you mar ried or single? How many times have you been divorced? ... Are you a good cook? Do you wash your hands before making up Gread? ' . How many children have you? What, are their names? AVhat is the color of their hair? Do they go barefooted in win ter? v .. : v : Have you got false teeth? Ever have your picture taken?- Do you. eat onions? Where do you buy your socks?- What brand of likker do you drink? Have you ever been to Europe? Have you ever heard of God? Did you ever vote for Bryan Can you read and write What are your views on the Fourth Dimension? How many dogs do you keep . What do you think of Woman Suffrage Were you born in a log cabin? Do you ever expect to be presi dent " . : ' Do your feet stink .,; an'you ride a bicycle? V i , Have you seen Halley's comet yet? ; - ' - Can you give me a chew of to bacco? Say, mister, if you haven' t heard all that string of1 fool questions, you will pretty soon. THE PARDON MILL. Well, children, I have been boarding on this old planet for 30 years, and I have seen many a pardon mill spitting out red-eyed rascals to beat the band. But in all my born days I never saw a rottener bag of unjudicial cow feed than that ground out by the rip-snorting old rooster-footed governor of Tennessee the other week. Old Booze-Barrel Duncan Cooper and his swill-tub sot of a son had been convicted of the murder of Senator Carmack An appeal was takeri'and the Supreme Court of Tennessee confirmed the judgment of the lower court as to the old man, and ordered a new trial in the case of the young des perado. The' old man's sentence was twenty years, but before the Supreme Court got through with the trial that fellow Patterson who disgraces the governor's chair had written out and delivered a full pardon for... the old mink-eyed murderer. And he did it without the formality of any petition or other request for a pardon. Pat terson had his pardon mill already greased and the' belt on. . At the appointed time he only touched a button and .the 'work was done. The. Supreme Court was kicked aside like a last summer's foot ball and. a convicted murderer was a free man. - . -What in the name of high heav en is the use to have a court of justice and piit .the State to the expense of a trial, if one little old upstart oT a boodle-worshipping governor can butt in with his billygoat horns and knock poor blind Justice flat of her back? Patterson and the Coopers are political pals, - and the Coopers have got; money to burn. It was their money that elected. Patter son, the likker man, to the gover nor's chair over the head of -Car-mack, the prohibitionist: It was a battle of boodle and booze against truth and temperance, and the lik ker gang won. So. they sent Car mack on to glory;' and have used Patterson as a cat's-paw to rake them out of the red-hot furnace of justice. How long, O Lord, how long shall such outrages continue? It is a sad state, of affairs for this country when a few men get so lousy witli money that they can say, as old Jim Patten said recent ly, that tlie loss of a million dol lars is to them only a trifle. Dis cussing the-recent slump in cotton old Patten said : 4 W hy , losing a million or two in this kind of a fight is not any more to me than losing a d ime is to you . ' ' W hy can he, say that?. Because the ever lasting1 old hog has got a hundred times more money than .the law ought to allow any ope man to have, x People, the system that allows a thing like that needs changing, and there is no use to shut our ees to the fact. -The Fool-Killer is only fifteen .i - - cents a year in clubs of five or more. - Single subs cost 25 cents. So you see it pays to 'get up a club. Do it now.