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THE OPERATING TABLE. LIARS AND HYPOCRITES If all the liars and hypocrites of the present day were suddenly jerked bald-headed and snatched into Eternity, there wouldn't be enough people left on earth to hold an inquest over a dead" dog. David said in his haste that all men were liars, and when he had time to think it over he found that he had hit the bulFs-eye. Jesus Christ was honest, and He was not a hypocrite, and you know what the world did to Him. Well, it would do the same thing to-day to any man who might attempt to live as Christ lived. We have whole cow-pastures full of men and women who call themselves Christians and who claim to be -following in the footsteps of Christ. But let me tell you if Christ should come back to earth just as He used to be, these hypo critical "followers" of His would, be the first to yell, "Crucify Him!" They will get up in prayer meeting and tell how they love the Lord, and how they are looking and longing for Him to come, and if the Lord should suddenly make His appearance in the heavens, in power and great glory, it would scare the last one of them to death. Whenever these hypocritical high-flyers of the gold-plated Church of Mammon get to want ing the Lord to come as bad as they pretend to, they will quit kangarooing around over the com munity telling lies on their neigh bors and making fun of their betters. X believe in a man professing religion, and then living what he professes. A religion that won't keep a fellow out of devilment in this world will be a poor de pendence in the world to come. People these days "get religion" and join the church "because it is fashionable to do so, and they are profaning the holy name of Christ every time they do it. The man who joins the church with no other motive and for no other rea son than to "be in fashion" would just as freely steal a horse if horse stealing were in fashion. Such a man knows no more about the saving grace of genuine Chris tianity than a blind hog knows about heaven. When the final shake-up comes, and the sheep are . parted from the goats, I am afraid lots of church letters will have to be used as through tickets- to hell. Whoa, there, you old sanctified gossip-wagon and prayer-meeting sinner! You had better pin up your robe of profession with the Iins of practice. If you don't do it you will appear naked at that Great Day. i Clubs of Five, 15c a Year. The price of single subscriptions to The Fool-Killer is 25 cents a year, but if you will get several of your friends to go in with you and send in a club of five or more at one time, you can all get the paper at 15 cents a year. The Fool-Killer is creating great excite ment wherever it is introduced, and it now goes into every State in the Union. Join the army of club-raisers! Do it now! Address: JAMES LARKIN PEARSON, MORAVIAN FALLS, N. C. TRYING IT ON THE DOG. There are isms and isms. But this particular ism you call Social ism can manage to get its name in the papers more often than any other ism. now on the market. For generations back we, the peepul, have been regaled with preach ments on Socialism. It has been held up before our wondering gaze as the one certain cure for all our social ills. It has ever been a tempting bait. But we have been slow to swallow the hook. It has remained for Milwaukee to set us an example. This American city composed of foreigners has buck led on her Socialistic skates, scoot ed out to a thin place and broke the ice. She has elected a Socialist mayor, and we are at last to have an object-lesson in Socialistic gov ernment. From now henceforth the eyes of America will be on Mayor Seidel, what time the said America isn't dodging automo biles and flying-machines. Milwaukee is a funny town. She is the town that made the brewery business famous. Walk down the business streets of Milwaukee and look at the business signs. You cannot pronounce one name in ten that you see. They are a conglom eration of German and Dutch and Swedish and Polish and Hindoo and Arabian and a thousand other foreign languages that sound Jike a cross between an able-bodied cat-fight and a one-legged sneeze. In nearly all foreign countries Socialism has made more headway than it has in America, - and this fact may account for the election of a Socialist mayor in Milwau kee, the foreign-American city. I am not denouncing Mayor Seidel. His platform is a gem of purest ray serene, and if he de livers half the reforms he has promised he will be the coming man of America and Milwaukee will be a different town. Seidel may remember his cam paign pledges. He " may deliver the goods. At any rate, we shall see what we shall see. CHRISTOPHER AND BEN. Every cult has its aristocracy and every ism its family tree. Elbert Hubbard is the aristocratic high-muck-a-doodle of American -Socialism. In like manner, James Eads How and B. J. Corrigan are the millionaire pace-setters for the unwashed knights of the wander lust. The professional hoboes of the United States have an organiza tion called the Brotherhood Wel fare Association, and they held a convention in St. Louis recently. James Eads How, a millionaire hobo, held down the chair, and B. J. Corrigan, another million aire hobo, played his musical mouth. Among other very choice chunks of chih-music that Mr. Corrigan emitted were the follow ing: . lChristopher Columbus was the first great hobo to land on the shores of America. Benjamin Franklin was the second great hobo. The hobo is a pioneer on the highway of the world's prog ress." There, you common cuss, put that in your pipe and smoke it! Next time some nasty, red nosed tramp knocks at your back door and asks for a hand-out, you must fall at his feet and beg his everlasting pardon for not having your carriage meet him at the depot. And then you must throw the house open from garret to cel lar and beg him to take anything he wants. For now you under stand that the hobo is a direct lineal descendant of distinguished ancestry. Christopher and Ben! Men of action! - Men who did things that sent the world speeding on the path of . progress! And now their good names must bear the stigma of being y the fathers and fore runners of the common hobo. My, my! If the great Spaniard and the great American could know of this insult to their sacred memo ries, they would turn over in their graves and groan. The next issue of The Fool Killer will be hotter than ever. I am getting the wild animals stirred up a-ready. Some skunk scented scalawag, who evidently picks his chewing tobacco out of the Holy Roman Spittoon,' has allowed his priest-pampered gall bag to leak on a sheet of paper, with the following result: Baltimore, Md., Apr. 22, '10. Editor "Fool-Killer," , Moravian Falls, N. C. Sir: - " I had the misfortune to get hold of one of your nasty, lying papers which you call The Fool-Killer, and I never saw anything to equal it for gall and bitterness and lack of reason. The name would be more appropriate if you would just call it "The Fool." If charity begins at home, fool-killing ought to begin there too. So I advise you to change ends with your spatter gun and let it go after the scalp of the blubbering fool that edits it. I am not a Koman Catholic myself, but I have many good friends whou are, and I warn you that you'd better not print any more such abusive language about the Pope and the Catholic Church as you have been doing. Your carcass may be in danger if you do. If you had any sense you would know that the Catholic Church is a great and good institution, and that nobody bub backwoods fools ever abuse it as you are doing. Cut it out! E. V. W. . Lord love a duck! I wonder if E, V. W. thinks he can scare me ! with his near-Catholic dope? If he does he is barking up' the wrong tree, sure. He is not a Catholic, he says, and yet he takes up for the gang and gets as mad as a wet hen because I . dare to speak the truth about the "great Whore that sitteth upon many waters.5 ' Well, lie can just scratch his mad place. I shall go right on ripping the sheep-skins off of the old Cath olic wolves and pouring my red hot remarks down their ungodly goozles. The world has not - for gotten the time when the Catholic church had political power, and how she used it. And right this minute she is fairly tearing her shirt off trying to regain.her lost political power. She is gaining in this country at a fearful rate, and when she gets control of our gov ernment then look out! This is no idle dream. I have studied the subject and I know what I am talking about.- Old Pius and his libertine priests have no desire to bless the world spiritually. All they want is to keep the people blindfolded and to get for them selves wealth and power. EV. W.'s defense of Roman ism is no defense at all. It starts out like it was going to set the world on fire, but it soon dwindles to a squirrel track and runs up a tree. And now if tlie Baltimore Big Ike wants a real skinning, let him shoot off his mouth just one more time. ..