Newspaper Page Text
THE KING IS DEAD.
Oh? what are the kingdoms that rise, Or the tottering kingdoms that fall, When Eternity stands With a rule in her hands To measure the worth of it all? Ah, what is a moment of fame, And power that suddenly flies? And what is a throne To a widow alone? And what is a king when he dies? A king in the prime of his power May bend the world to his will ; But a king in the grave . Is no more than a slave, As he lies there stark and still. But the wicked Old world moves on, And the mourners will soon forget; New suns will arise In the royal skies When the earlier suns have set. And this is the sum of it all No more can ever be said:- The Bang of all kings Is the Ruler of things, No matter what kings be dead. A LETTER. FROM THE COMET. Out in Space, Going Some, June 1st, 1910. Editor "Fool-Killer," Moravian Falls, N. C. Dear Sir: On my recent wisit to your neighborhood I learned that it is the custom there for travellers to write about the places they visit. And as I am something of a trav eller myself I will try to set down a few thoughts as I jog along. It is nearly mail time now, and if I fail to get this letter off in today's mail I will send it tomorrow. I want to say, Mr. Editor, that my recent visit to your section has been one of the most interesting experiences of my long career as a traveller. I have been calling on you at regular intervals for many thousands of years, and the earth-people have always seemed to take a great interest in me. This is what I call the busy end of my run, but I am always glad to get back here. Life is rather dull out yonder in the endless leagues of space where I spend most of my time. There is lots going on, to be sure, but everything is on such a big scale that I am never noticed. That hurts my feelings a good deal, because I want to at tract attention wherever I go. " I want to feel that I am a personage of some importance. But I can't feel that way out there. You peo ple on earth think I'm pretty big, but you ought to see some of the worlds I pass in my travels. Why, Mr. Editor, some of those worlds are so bg: that I look like a fly speck in comparison. They have lightning-bugs out there that are bigger than I am, and their Women into In Clabs of Five, 15c a Year. The price of single subscriptions to The Fool-Killer is 25 cents a year, but if you will get several of your friends to go in with you and send in a club of five or more at one time, you can ail get the paper at 15 cents a year. The Fool-Killer is creating great excite ment wherever it is introduced, and it now goes into every State in the Union. Join the army of club-raisers! Do it now! Address: JAMES LARKIN PEAPvSON, MORAVIAN FALLS, N. C. wear hats that 1 could double up and go to sleep in. When I get around toward the far end of my .run, such a sense of my own littleness comes over me that I lose all energy and can't half travel. Out in those regions I never go more than a hundred miles a second, which is the same as being tied to a post. I get awful thirsty out there, too. They have plenty of water, but it is so coarse I can't drink it. The only time I get anything like a good drink is when I pass through the Milky Way. They had just churned when I passed there the last time, and I drank buttermilk till I thought in my soul Yd bust. But before closing I must say a few words about the earth and what I saw there this time. I have seen the earth hundreds of times before, and it was always about the same old thing; but this time I noticed a good many changes. The first important change 1 no ticed was when I got in sight of Europe. I was expecting the peo ple of Europe to come out and meet me and give me a great ova tion. But there seemed to be something else that was holding their attention, and my coming was hardly noticed. I had some difficulty in finding out what the new attraction was, but I finally discovered that it was a new com et which had lately arisen out of Africa. It .had eyeglasses and teeth and made speeches. So I turned Europe over to my rival and hurried on to America, where my coming was more wide- Fy noticed. I saw men peeping at me through great long hollow things,-and I first thought they were trying to shoot me. But I learned later that the hollow things were telescopes. I am bound to admit that you earth-people have made wonder ful progress in some directions d ur ing the last 75 years. The earth is full of new and strange things that I never saw there before. The parallel lines of steel rails running all over the earth and the net-work of wires stretched up everywhere were puzzles to me. I wondered what they were used for. Then I saw your steam-cars and your fly ing" machines and manv other j things that made me open my eyes in astonishment. When I was here last the buggies had horses to pull them. Now men have discovered a stink that is strong enough to pull their buggies, and the horses are out of date. Well,M see the mail-boy coming about a. billion miles up the road; so I'll close this letter, and send it on. I'll call again about 75 years from now ' to see what further progress the earth-people have made. Goodbye. Yours on a long jaunt, II ALLEY'S COMET. IT DO BEAT ALL. The first ticket for the fight be tween Jim Jeffries and Jack Johnson at San Francisco on July 4 will be presented to Theodore Roosevelt on his arrival in New York. The ticket will be made of solid gold. News item. Rip! Bap! Slam! Bang! Where in the ; thunder is the butcher knife? There are times in a man's life when he feels like grabbing the first weapon in reach and just clearing the deck. This is one time I feel that way. Words are good things to have about the house, but they are utterly useless in a case like this. The only tools needed here are the kind you can knock "down and drag out with. Shades of Nero! What will the fanatical fools of the prize ring try to do next? -They are so car ried away with the idea of that Jeffries-Johnson beef-killing that they can't think of anything else. That is the great event before which all other things must take a back seat. Should the Lord send a messenger to tell those Cali fornia fools that the end of the world was coming on July 3rd, they would send word back, "O Lord, can't you put it off un til after the prize-fight?" And they are trying tp make the indecent performance more popular by having Roosevelt pres ent as an on-looker going to send him a solid gold ticket admitting him to the best seat in the grand stand where he can absorb the civilizing and elevating vibrations that flow from a slugging-match between two heathenish hellians fighting for a pot of gold. Now wouldn't that jar your slats? O shame and disgrace! Let us hope and pray that Roosevelt is a bigger man than that. Let us hope that he will not accept their golden ticket, and that he will not dishonor himself by lending the weight of his presence to such an occasion. His acceptance would mean the giving of his sanction to a business that ought to have died when Rome fell a business that has no rightful place in our civilized America. But is America civilized? Not that anybody knows of. THE GOSSIPS. Did you ever sit down in a dark corner of the room and listen to the tattlers tattle? Never did? Well, then, you have missed a treat. Here is a sample, just to show you how it goes: "Have you .heard the news? Mrs. Blank told Mrs. Mudge that old Mr. Fudge heard from some body who had it direct from some body else that Mrs. Crank over heard Mr. Smith say that young Mr. Moneybags is paying atten tion to some young lady, she did not know exactly who, but. there could be no doubt about the truth of the story." And all the old gossips listen and express their surprise and think it is so strange. QUEEN JESSIE. Miss Jessie Key Habersham, a Baltimore society girl, discovered that society was what the last part of her name spells, and so she shook the whole capoodle and married a wandering Gypsy. Her husband is a "king" of a Gypsy band. They call her "Queen Jes sie," and she says she is happy. Now there is more to admire in a girl like that than there is in the powder-puff primps of social Sod om who sell themselves for.a rick ety old foreign title that is out at the elbows and run down at the heels. Hats off to Queen tfessie! Now go back to the first page and read that great rremium Offer again. Then get out among your friends and hustle up a big list of subscribers. You might as well have that Five Dollars in Gold as anyone else. Somebody is going to get- it. Will it be YOU? Remember that this offer only holds good till July 1st.