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The following putrid package has just been delivered to ' me from some low-down; lousy, lop Hvered larrupin' lunk-head who is too much of a measley coward to give his name and postofiftce address. The mess was written with a dull lead pencil in a very ignorant, strangling sort of hand. Xot knowing the rascal's real name, I am going -to. call him -Whiffledick," just for Hhe sake of a handle to pick him up by, .v listen : . . : , j ,v Too the odtcur of the foOl killer Sur i rite this letter too caul you Down a little, you seam too think you air orful smart, buttin in Aboute what aint none of yore Bisness. i seen a pe-ece in one of yore isshews wh; 1 it sett tei backer and snuff wos n sty. Now lookee here mister editur i have chawed terb"ackr all iny life ml iny ole woniern she dips, and we air both as clean as you air. and i seen whar you throwed off on sum of our high offishuls, callin them ole rasails, plugs and sich like. You ;;ml your little ole paper ort too be driv out of the country, now mister lool killer gu-s -this letter will cook oic duniplin so good by." Law sakes. Whiffledick! -lAnd you thought .you'd call me down u little, did yoiH Dog-bite your rotten skin, you'd have to call mo down a long distance before I'd bo down on your level. And, besides that, 1 absolutely refuse to be called down to any such a depth of moral depravity as the plane of life you occupy. - You need not have told me that you chawed and your old woman dip ped. I knew it. There was enough ambeav on your letter to kill a dozen of the toughest old Tom eats in the state. If I would print your copy of The Fool-Killer: on a Tobacco leat ana throw m a bale of snuff as a supplement, I guess you and your old woman would subscribe for a hundred years in advance. You are a pret dng old drippy-chinned rascal to be trying to "call me down." I'll bet you ain't wash ed your lace nor put on a clean shirt in six months A plunge bath in a hog-wallow would im prove your smell, you rotten old reprobate you. And yet you have the gall to come ranting around here and trying to tell The Fool Killer what its duty is. - - Hold on there, Whiffledick ! I thought I was done with you, but T ain't, What "high officials" is it that have hired you to defend their records against the attacks of The Fool-Killer? It strikes me that any official who has to depend on you for protection had just as well throw up his hands and surrender. And let me just whisner this" f not into vrmr wnnlv Club MORE .-IDIOTOHmiSr M Pubs of; Five, 15c -a Year." The price of aingle subscriptions to The FooltKiller ia 25- cents a year, but if you will get several of your, friends to go in with you and send in a club of five or more at one time, you can all get the paper at 15 cents a year. ' The Foci-Killer is creating great excitement wherever it : is intro duced, and it now goes into every State in the Union." Join the army of club-raisers. .Do it now. Address:. T : TEE FOOL-KILLER, MORAVIAN FALLS, X. 0. THE LAW OP THE EARTH. Life for life is the law of the earth; Death for death is the price we pay; ' . Battle and bleed from the hour of birth. Back to the arms of r the primal . clay. Only the seed that falls and dies Lives again in the tender plant;- And the blood of a thousand murders cries . Through every life that the hea vens grant. The . atom dies that the worm may live, And the worm must die for the fowl to feast; -And the fowl, ere long, its life must - give To prolong the life of the hungry beast. , And then we follow the winding way, With life and death in the mingled plan, ; .' ; y':'.yf 'T--:';rT Till the beast his head on the block must lay l To feed the life of his master, man. The soldiers march to the roll of drums. And many a battle is bravely planned, ; v And the fight goes on till the finish comes, '-' And men must' fall that the- state may stand. And, oh, how transient is the state! For kingdoms crumble like the clod, - -i And all our works that seem so great Are play-things in the hands of God. -. ,:: ' JAMES LARK IN PEARSON. HELEN HIGHWATER ! old ear: A '"high official" is no more in my sight than any other common fellow. If he behaves himself and does his duty I will not pester him ; but if he goes crooked I'll biff him just as quick as I would a one-gallus rail-splitter. Now tote your freight, Mr. Whiffledick, and if I ever have to give you another skinning you Won t get off as easv "as von hn vp thn time. - - . Sara my skin -if it don't beat bobtail ! Now just think -there have been pink-colored duds, on the markets of this old world ever since Heck was a pup. Many of the common cusses, and a few of the uncommon cusses,- have paddled around in pink to their heart's content. : But it wasn't any use. They couldn 't get the fashion- world set on fire. v The dinky-dee darlings of - fashion s four hundred-were as blind as bats and could not discover that grown spring pullet with her legs tangled in a hank of stocldn' varn. ' , . An d then , bless your soul, there was someth in g. doin g in th e fash ion world. It suddenly dawned on the gay and giddy bunch that pink was THE thing and in about three shakes - of a sheep 's tail ev ery high-kickin' hussy in all the rotten realm of Snobdom had made a raid on. the drygoods stores, and came forth harnessed and hobbled and "bibbed and tuckered in a complete outfit, of the wonderful ' Helen pink. ' ' ' Helen pink j Helen -'High water ! Also Helen Blazes! Such a drivel ling display of fashion's flunkified foolism is enough to make a smile play over the face of a wooden Indian, or tickle the funnv bone of a brass nigger. Pink dresses am t one doggon bit prettier than 1 1 . -w-r . tney nave always oeen. rears be fore Helen Taft was ever thought of a pink ; dud was just a pink dud, and that s all it is now. But I they had to wait and let her set the fashion, because she is the pampered progeny of a pot bellied president I can remember the time when it was Alice blue ' this and ' ' Al ice blue" that, and all because the daughter of Ted the Terrible had an old blue frock But those days have passed. Alice rblue ' has gone into oblivion, along with the sweet-scented cigarettes that Alice used to smoke. We are now living in the pink age and under the reign of the pink petticoat Everything must conform to the prevailing color. The dudes must wear pink breeches, chaw pink terbacker, and kill enough booze to paint their noses the same beautiful Helen pink. If you want to be the" pink of perfection in society circles these days you must dike yourself out in pink alt over even your' teeth and the white of your eyes "must be Helen' pink. Among the dog-loving de generates of fashioii's realm pink poodles are all the go. If some second Luther Burbank will rise up and go to breeding pink dogs he would soon have John Rocky faded to a pale shade of pink. Next thing we know they will be sending a gang of painters seootin ' up J acob 's ladder to change the blue sky to Helen ' It is . lots easier "to : raiserbeliy than brains. . Money makes a move, and the devil seconds the motion. .'Truth crushed to earth" has to get up by itself, but a lie al wayshas help. . ; . v ' You can get justice1 in. . our courts if you have enough mon ey to pay for It. - This has grown to be a country, of the millionaires, by the million- aires, and for the millionaires. If it ain't so the devil's a witch. They say there is a ' 1 Total Ab stinence Club" in Congress.: I'll bet it ain't got more than one ' member, and he don't meet once m ten years. 1)Q you reckon- they '11 charge a-body house rent in heaven? If , not, where in the gee-whiz do the big stuck-up churches get .their an thority for charging pew rent ? A little retrospection once in a while may be a good thing, but it don't pay to look pack over -the past too much. Remember -what appened to Mrs. John W. Lot, of Sodom, for looking back. If you will take a copy, of Web ster's Dictionary and chop it up ' fine with a feed-cutter, and then spread the stuff out on a plank and try to read it, you can get as much sensed pnt of it as you can out of the ordinary "legal paper' fixed up by a gan g of; lawyers WE BUY NAMES Send 30 cts and the names and ad dresses of thirty heads of families to The National Directory," Moravian Falls, N. C, and we will mail you for your: trouble a high grade Masterman Fountain Pen. This pen would cost you $2.00 at a, retail store anywhere. ; ; "CASTLE GATES." By James Larkin Pearson. The above Is the title of a little Book , of Poems by - your humble ser vant. My spare ""moments for the past 15 years have been spent in writing the book. I also printed it and bound it in cloth with my own hands. , The book has 10S pages, and contains 93 poems, all . of which are said to be very good. ; Price 50 cents, postpaid. JAMES LARKIN PEARSOK, Moravian Falls, N. C. pink was 'purty" until one day when Miss Helen Honey-Bunch : pink. And after this great earthly Taft, that great, strappin ' she- r fashion . show is over and done, male offspring of Big Bill, jump-Land the returns come in and the ed head" foremost into A a pink votes are counted, the fanatical hobble-skirt and went waddling fashion fools will take the eleya about over th e ballroom carpets tor down and get acquainted with of .Washington Town like an over-j Helen Blazes. . SUBSCRIBE FOR "THE BIO PJSTOL." 'PVi Tomona "Pa anal inilflr , nf tliA Age. Every shot hits the center of the blackness of all social and polit ical sins and shams. Every chamber loaded with fire and 'brimstone, and shot off monthly for 15 cents 'a year. Address: THE BIG PISTOL, Campton, Ky. "THE LIFE OF NAOMI WISE." A true story of a beautiful girl and how she was"killed,by Jonathan Lew is "in Randolph County, . North Caro lina, about one hundred years ago. A masterpiece of passionate and thrilling interest. We include the song of "Naomi Wise" with the book, which is neatly printed and substan tially ; bound,' all sent- postpaid for 12c with our new catalog. -r-i -r-v iTrnrrnTTiif O nr VTMfl XT - Hi. ST. lNCiVVO UXM OC KsVJ., IV1V v.