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Image provided by: University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Library, Chapel Hill, NC
Newspaper Page Text
A MESSAGE' FROM BILL JIM. Last September. I -told you in these columns about the death of Professor Bill Jim, of Harvard University, and how he was expected to send a mes sage back from the Other Side. Well, Bill Jim has done it. Up Boston way they are getting messages from' him most every day. Mcst of the messages, so far, have tome through M. S. Ayer, owner and operator of the Ayer Spiritual Tem ple, of Boston. . , The idea struck me all at once that maybe I could get a message from Bill Jira to print in The Fool-Killer, since he seemed to be handing them around pretty freely. . So I set my wireless bird-trap on the key of C, and then hid behind the bureau to see what would happen. It wasn't lang till I heard a noise that sounded sorter like frying sow-belly on an oil-stove. I waited till the noise hushed. Then I opened up my wireless bird-trap, and sure enough I had caught it. There was the mes sage all righVwith its Sunday clothes on and a bo-kay in, .its buttonhole. Bill Jim had written the message on a sheet of moonshine with his new spiritual fountain pen and sent it by registered freight. It was written in an unknown tongue, but by standing on my head and looking straight through myself I made out to read it. Here is a .true copy of the message, pulled out of the original Dead Lan guage with a pair of tweezers and transmografied into the Queen's English: '. Over There, Apr. 1, 1911. -Mr. Fool-Killer, Moravian Falls,, N. C. Dear Old Pard: It seems like old times to be writ ing you a letter. It recalls the good old days when you used to lecture to my class at Harvard. I'll "never for get that time you lectured on The Paradise of Fools." Did you know Bob Taylor stole that lecture from you and delivered it all over the country? Since I shed my mortal hull back there in Boston and ' took up camp over, here in the Spirit World I have been sorter mixed up. Didn't find things over here exactly like I expect ed to find them. In fact, I am not quite sure I got to the place I was aiming to stop at. When I left Boston I told them I wanted to go to heaven, but I think they must have put me on the wrong train. I haven t seen any golden streets yet, nor "any angels, and I haven't heard a harp since I got here. I can't say that I am ex actly happy. I feel more keenly alive than I did on earth, but I miss my old body a good deal. My eye-sight isn't any too good, and it is anr awful bother not to have any nose to hang my spex on. And I miss all those good things I had to eat when I lived Club ate Iiv Clubs of Five, 15c a Year ' The price of single subscriptions to The Fool-Killer is 25 cents a year, but if you will get several of your friends ip go in with you and send in a club of five or more at one time, you can all get the paper at 15 cents a year. The Fool-Killer is creating great excitement wherever it is intro duced,' and it now goes into every State in the Union. Join the army of club-raisers. Do it now. Address:. ' THE FOOL-KILLER, MORAVIAN FALLS, N. C. fault of" the country I came , to, but anyhow it ain't no picnic, I can tell you. Wish I knew for certain where am at. I have seen lots of people who expected to go 1 to heaven when they died, but they feel . sorter like I do about it.t They don't think this is the place. - We would all be willing to make a rue bargain with old man Death and get our old hulls back if we could. I would give everything I have seen over here for one square mess of bacon and beans. But what's the use to grieve over spilt milk? I see no chance to get backon your side of the Dark River, and so I will have to stay over here end tough it out I am very glad, however, that -Science has been able to reach her long, bony arm across the river and make connection with this side. I have organized a com pany over here to build a great wire less station for the sending and re ceiving of spirit, messages. At present it is rather difficult to get a message through, but when I get my station done it,1 will be easy enough. But -be sure you don't let the Bell Company hear about this, for of course they'd want to get control of it. The only stock-holders I want in this concern are W. T. Stead, Oliver Lodge, J. H. Hyslop, Mrs. Eddy and myself. I was talking to Mrs. Eddy about it last night. She and I are pretty thick since we came over here. We spend a good deal of time to gether, and we are expecting to or ganize a Christian Science church next Sunday. : Yours truly, BILL JIM. I recently feasted my lookers on a paper in which the wise editor tried to make fun of old Mr. Joshua's ig norance of astronomy. Never mind, Smarty. When that "sun - standing still" business was pulled off, old Josh had done forgot more astronomy than you will ever know. . THE IDIOT CLUB. Cornish Instruments tor. real merit, are nnex- eellea oj wmy other v wuticTcr cue price or name or repu tation. One Sear $ Tree trial This la oar offer to you select any Cornish piano or organ, from the least expensive to the finest ever built and we. without one 'hit of obligation, on your part, will send the Instru ment to you di- . rect from our factory with the distinct un derstanding' that If the Instrument does not come up to your fullest expectations you are not to keep It, and that the Trial Will Cost You Absolutely Nothing k - The Fool-Killer is no society paper, and it very seldom devotes any space to social functions, But whenever it does take a notion to saw a few tunes on the society fiddle it ain't no sar dine at the business. Here is just a sample of our society dope (30 cents a yard, retail; special rates on large quantities) : Mrs. William DeWindy Smith en tertained the Idiot Club at her home on Lunatic Avenue, Thursday after noon. The house looked just about as ugly as usual. - She had a lot of faded greens and artificial ' flowers stuck around in corners, and it was all a perfect mess. Mrs. Smiths and Rev. Brown's wife received in the. hall. The Browni woman had onan old rag of a green frock that made her look like she had been buried and dug up, and Mrs. Smith wore that old red waist she's had ever since before the war. ;' The Jones girls and old man S wellhead's daughter served refresh ments in the dining room; only it was Mrs. Smith's bedroom fixed up a little. The lemonade tasted like dishwater, and the icecream was half dirt. That S wellhead girl is so dead to let folks know her old daddy's got a little money that she was a whole show window. The Jones girls were not much worse than they always are. I do know if I couldn't fix up some thing to eat any better than that I'd never have the audacity to ask any body to eat it. But Mrs. Smith never was any housekeeper, and everybody knows it. Mrs. DeS well Hotstuff. read an essay on "The Downrightness of : Straight f up. aome people can t neip Demg fools, but it does seem like they could help unloading t their foolishness on folks that can't help themselves. They all stayed till Mrs. Smith thought . she'd die before she got rid of them, and then .they went away telling what a good time they all had, and began talking about what a measley affair it was before they got around the corner. If the lnstru- prove better T a M V ivl VUU , money than you can get any where else If It Is not as good an Instrument as you can tray for one-third more than we ask If at any time within a year you feel that you hare not a good bargain, i send it back; we won't una one word of fault with your de cision, and you Two Years Credit If Needed - f ' '!- We Save Ton 100 and more On a Piano will not be one cent out of pocket for freight or for use of the Instrument. - The Cornish Bond Protects You Easy Terms ; JHV11 fHictly to the privilege of any terms of payment that you may choose. You risk nothing. We asgrimo all re sponsibility, b e c a u b e -we know all about the great beauty of material and workmanship In Cor nlsh pianos and organs and we know all about the pure, sweet, rich; tone quality of our Instruments and we know what a quarter of a million satisfied purchasers think of them If you keep the Instru ment it will cost you the Bock-Bottom Factory Price, not one cent more, and you will receive with it our Bonded - Guar antee which Insures the instrument for 5 year against defect in material or workmanship. v Send For The New Cornish Book Don't think of buying before reading it. It Is the handsomest piano and organ catalog ever Issued. It explains things you ought to know whether you buy from us or not and it is yours for the asking. Write for It now and please mention which you are inter ested In piano or organ. , t WASHINGTON, N. J. Established Over Half a Csatury. 1 s Bay Ob The Cornish Plan Save ne-Thlrd Cornish go. . One of the best literary societies in America is -the Southern Amateur Journalists' Association. It is com posed of young people of. both sexes arTir Vioiro HatQTTr lalanfa anil omrl in Boston. I haven't any appetite tions, and who edit and print small row, and no place to put one if I had papers and magazines, and write for it. Sometimes when I try to lecture them, just for fun. Members get a tr thA flniHf0 u--Mr-'-ia.w--v- great many good papers and maga- vard not to have any arms to ges ture with. But the people who have been here a long time say they get used to these things. ' You people on earth who imagine that I have entered into a state of rest and peace are very far. from the truth. I don't know whether mv iin- zines free, and have the privilege of getting their own writings printed and commented on. All young editors and literary workers, and those am bitious to become such, should join the Southern - Amateur Journalists' Association. The membership fee is small, and if you desire to do so you can par your dues by getting up a club for The Fool-Killer. Iflnterest- ed, write for further particulars to : li9nntn. i a u Av u, write luxv luituer parucuianj iv :; Happiness is my own fault or. the j. L. Pearson, HorWan Falls, H. C. Oh, deliver us! Here in North Car olina they have already started an other campaign for United States Sen ator." Senator, thunder! Shut your fool mouths and give us a rest A female fellow by the name of Ada Patterson has "writ a piece" for the New York American in which she pre dicts that in the near future the Unit ed States will have a woman presi dent. I don't know about that, Ada, but if a woman president would be any improvement over the present in cumbrance, I wish to goodness we h sua. "The Life of Naomi Wise," a true story of the wrongs of a beautiful girl and how she was killed by Jonathan Lewis in Randolph ; county, North Carolina about one hundred years ago. A masterpiece of passionate and thrilling In- terest. We include the song of "Naomi Wise" with the book which is neatly printed and sub stantially bound, all sent postpaid for 12c with our new catalogue. E. P. NEWSTJM 8c CO., KING, N. - C. "CASTLE GATES." :' By James Larkin Pearson. The above is the title of a little Book of Poems by your humble ser vant. My spare moments for the past 15 years have been spent in writing the book. I also printed it and bound it in cloth with my own hands. The book has 108 pages, and contains 93 poems, all of which are said to be very good. Price 50 cents, postpaid. ' - JAMES LARKLtf PEABSON, Moravian Falls, C. ' SUBSCRIBE FOR "THE BIG PISTOL." - The Famous Rascal Killer : of the Age. Every shot hits the center of the blackness of all social and polit ical sins and shams. Everychamber loaded with fire and Jbrimstone, and shot off monthly for 15 cents a year. Address: THE BIG PISTOL, Campton, Ky. WE BUY NAMES 'Send 30 cts and the names and ad dresses of thirty heads of families to The National Directory, , Moravian Falls, N. C, and we will mail you for your trouble a high grade Masterman Fountain Pen. This pen would cost you $2.00 at a retail store anywhere.