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Page Four LETTERS FROM THE FOLKS. I : went a-hunting, and this ishat I caught; now I turn them over to . you to skin and salt. Only obj ection fco The Fool-Killer is, it don't ' come often enough. Long may it live to ad minister the medicine, for they need it,-rP. S. JOHNSON, Lott, Tex; . Since you, have got a new printing press I have decided to get up a club for you. Please send me some sample copies of The Fool-Killer. I like -it very much iny only objection is, it is too small and does not come often enough. J. T. CLARK, Saint Charles, 3. C. v:'-v. ' ' . : ' Please send me about 50 "or 75 sam ple copies . Of The Fool-Killer, or more. I will distribute every one yofa send me. I am an agent and go from house to house, and will leave one at every place. I think your pa per isVgreat, and want to get you nonie subs. J. N. GUNTER. Box 116, Hackett, Ark. ' I have just finished reading ycur March issue of The Fool-Killer, and think it worth while for one to read. I am one of your old subscribers, and "and am now getting up a club for you. Please accept my thanks and appreciation f6r what your paper is doing for the benefit of all. Mf G. BARRICK, Johnson, W. Va. Enclosed find money order for 3.75 for 25 subs to The Fool-Killer. When I sent for a sample copy and was so - long getting it I thought it was not worth sending , out samples. But I have found what the delay was. I was only going to . send five at first, hut everybody wanted it and I got the 55 in about forty minutes. H. J. PIDGEON, 3185 Maple wood Avenue, Toledo, Ohio. . " v Please send me your paper one year. I enclose 25- cents in payment ior same; yMy sister who lives in Western Massachusetts, where I was born, sent me several copies. That is how I got hold of it. I am glad there ijre a few people who dare to speak out and tell what they think. If this Airorld needs anything it needs people who cannot be boughtr or sold with the Almighty Dollar. L. WHEELER, Fairhope, Ala. ' Please find enclosed $1.05 for seven new subs to The Fool-Killer. Every time I would come from my mail-box riy little 13-year-old girl would say, "Papa, did you get The Fool-Killer?" The answer would be no, until she said,. "Papa, ,, the Fool-Killer man " ron' t send your paper. 1 1 But I ra llied, "I am not uneasy ; he is an honest man, and poor like we are. lie is either sick or has had bad luck." I am for the under dog every time, and when you get on your feet : and have some sample copies to spare, lot me hear from you. Good wishes for you and your cause. GEORGE STEWART, SR., Forestville, Ky. ( Many thanks, Bro. Stewart, for your confidence in me. I received many complaints and inquiries while I was "hung up," which shows that the people want The Fool-Killer, and that they miss it when- it - fails to arrive. But now I am "on my feet" and going again. The newv machinery works fine and I can print all the - Fool-Killers you want.. Always glad to hear from you and my thousands cf other faithful friends, Let every- "t ody join in and help to cover the earth with Fool-Killers. Editor. ) THE TELEPHONE BY ROBERT QUILLEN. . The telephone is an unassuming sort of a pie-faced machine manu factured to save walking and pro mote profanity. ' Almost vany one can talk into a telephone, and once in a while people can hear through them. Some people think a tele phone is deaf, and they always yell their conversation in a tone of voice that sounds like driving hogs. ' Other people stick their faces inside the mouth-piece and slobber while they talk. This doesn't damage the telephone to any great extent, unless the talker is chewing " plug ' cut. In that case the juice runs down in to the thorox of the machine and rusts.the golixemeter. Telephones are operated by means of girls who chew gum in a place called central. The girls look like ordinary girls but 'they are saints in disguise. They have to - be, to hold their jobs. . They do not haye to chew gum, but it is necessary to bite something and 10-pehny nails damage their false teeth. Sometimes these girls become cross and s talk sassy. Once,- a traveling man who was stopping in Spartanburg called long distance and asked what it would cost to talk to' Laurens. The girl told him thirty cents, and he kicked. "Why," he remonstrated,1 "when I was in Greenville I could talk to hell for fifteen cents." 'I know. " replied Central, "but that was inside the city limits." The girl got a raise. : The man who invented the tele phone was an anarchist. He spent five years trying to think up some low-down, devilish, trick to play on humanity, and finally decided oh the telephone. No effort was ever made to lynch him,' but he lives in constant terror. : A desk telephone is more pop ular with business men than a wall phone. A desk phone can be slammed down on the floor and kicked across the house when it is stubborn, imt a wall phone cannot be jarred into docility without the aid of an axe. After a desk phone has been kicked in to the middle of next week it will usually sit quietly for hours with out emitting a'sputter. Sometimes it is advisable to apply a mustard plaster to the phone just where the farmohar- dren joins the nehfordrix. This draws out the tobacco suit, and .... grippe germs and gives the 'thing a clear flute-like tone. Occasional ly, in very stubborn cases, it is best to massage the battery box with a hoe handle. The only man who ever lived who could .talk over a phone with out cussing about it was Job and he never had axhance. , There . are "no telephones , in heaven. THE OLD WAY. Here, you fossilized aggregation of stagnation, otherwise enemies of progress, listen to. "me a minute! Did you tnow that the world , is moving serenely for ward and leav ing you with an empty bag to hold? It is you fellows who are crying down social' betterment and politi cal advancement.- With your mouths in a twist you say, "Stick to the old way, the true and the tried.5' But your argument is riot worth three whoops in Helgo land. If your policy had ' been followed through the centuries we would right novv be living in caves, eating, raw meat and wear ing a heavy coating of sunburn for clothing. I have the uttermost respect for the thoughts, precepts, ' teachings and memories of our forefathers, but I do not believe that they knew everything knowable. I don't believe they fixed things so wisely and unerringly that we, their descendants, need do nothing but worship at, their tombs and weep sluices of tearsi hugging to our bosoms the delusion that it would be absolute blasphemy for us to question anything that they did, or to even presume that - we Can Improve upon their crude ideas and methods., It mals me very tired tcr have to listen to the gabbling' of you old mossbacks who are continually clamorthg for the "old way." Why, bless your souls, if the rising genera tion were to heed your advice we would discard all of the inventions of the last thousand years and go back- to plowing with crooked sticks and doing a hundred other fool, clumsy things like that. -'''V'-' , - . ' m ' 9 - . - . v In an era of peace, we are hav ing war on sight. The big Powers are taking the little ones by the throat and shaking the coin .out of their pockets. France after Morocco, Italy after Tripoli, Rus sia after Persia all for what? For commercial advantage, for filthy lucre. Any pretext will do. It is the strong against the weak. Meanwhile, the halls of The Hague Palace of Peace are emptied- and the doors closed. ;But there is a God in Israel. All jGrand Rascals Look Alike to The; Fool-Killer. Send Tn that club right quick ! Xcould plant a collar-button and a' wart and raise a better nresidmit. than some 'of the candidates that are out sawing the air with their old squeaky jaw-bones. I ' . ' - N Some folks cuss me for being a So cialist, and others cuss me for not being one, arid ,so there you .have it. But it don't make any difference what they call me. I want it ; understood that t do my own thinking and I don't take orders from anybody I am in full sympathy with the "downtrodden masses, and with any movement that honestly strives to better their con dition.' vThe modern business world is nothing but a huge skin game and the average politician cares for noth ing except to get - his own infernal snout in the trough. Take away the element of personal gain and see if you don't hear a mighty loud silence in the political arena. And that's why I say that the big pot-gutted "lead-, ers" hr business ' and" politics are nearly,, all grand rascals and hypo crites. But the fact that I see these things and speak of them is no reason for calling me a Socialist. The truth is, I will skin a Socialist just as quick as I will any other kind of a person if I think he needs it and lots of them certainly do need it, all right. Can you use some samples? MORE. "SPRING" DOPE. . The Fool-Killer hastens to take off its 17-jewe lied rabbit-fur bon net and make its manners to the gentle Queen of Spring as she conies toddling . down the 'pike with her arms full of. violets, peach blossoms, home-made bit ters and plowed ground. ri Behold the farmer as he get teth up before day and falleth over two chairs hunting for his breeches. Then he goeth to the barn to" feed, and again he stuhl bleth over a new plow-stock arid sticketh his head into a bag o f fertilizer.; Verily, this is the hustling sea son down on the farm. He that expects to have plenty of hoe-cake and something to sop Mt in next winter must pointedly get up and sift., ' ' '' And the garden should not be neglected. Every family ought to raise' its own cut-worms and x po tato bugs. Some people have . an idea that potato bugs are hard to raise, but that is a mistake. I have raised them for.a number of years and I never fail to have a good crop. It is necessary, of course, to plant some Irish potatoesVYou can't expect potato 'bugs to live and fatten on rag-weeds. Now,- boys, as a parting 'word I ask you to show this paper to all your , neighbors and friends and get them to subscribe. The Fool-Killer will get better and better each month; In next issue there, will be some juice that will pucker the devil's mouth to beat sixty. ' ; : . . .