Newspaper Page Text
November, 1915. THE FOOL-KILLER Page Threa 3H DIPLOMATIC PENDU LUM. TT i i JTM 1 ITU THE GOLDEN BOOUER Tick, tock ! Soldiers marching "War's shock! Uainbows arching! Bugle blast! Friendly nations ! Crisis passed ! Strained relations! Left, right! Clouds are parting! Bay, night! Meets are starting! No more fears! Troops assembling t Peaceful years ! Thrones are trembling! Quick change ! Every minute! So strange ! Nothing in it. Better, wuss ! Quickly . nettled ! Awful fuss! Never settled! James Larkin Pearson. "THE LIFE OF THE PARTY A Democratic writer says that tfce coming session of the 64th Congress will be a busy and a stormy one. Busy with its long tongues-yes- Stormy no doubt about it ! He goes on to say that the De- concerning the virtues of the bat. mocratic majority is so small that But the dark pall of ignor it is going to take smooth sailing anc has at last j)een lifted from . ., A , ,. . j 4ux my intellect, and behold, I see and' expert leading in order that gtanding before me the sheeted many measures so necessary to gnosts 0f an the leather-wing the life of the party may be put bats that I ever killed with a through. broom. I am now led to see what i Necessary to the life of the awful crimes I committed in party!" snuffing out the day-lights of Yes. these web-winged wanderers on But nary confounded word is night's Plutonian shore, said about things that are neces- We now have it on case-hard- sary to the life of the people, ened and steel-rivited authority Why in the thunder should we that the jommon leather-wang common clod-hoppers takr an in- bat is one of our very best terest in the 4 party" unless the friends. It seems that nature has ""party" takes an interest in us? given the bat a yery peculiar ap- Things are getting into a pretty petite a taste for fresh meat, devil of a mess when national as it were which will not be sat- legislation has to be planned isfied with anything except the with a view to keeping the gracefully curving hams and "party" alive, instead of pro- juicy shoulder-blades of that viding things for the people. familiar household pest, the com But that's always the way of mon domestig mosquito. Those it. Whether Democrats or Re- who have studied the science of publicans are in, they are always bat-ology as far as the chapter ' looking out for. their ding-bust- Pu' appetite are convinced that ed "party" and not caring a cuss Dats live mostly on mosquitos. about how we poor devils are go- And when they can't get their ms to get something to -eat and favorite dish they soon begin to wear lose interest in life and go De- The party belongs to. the boss- mcratic. -, K-u "L . - . . It was the hope of getting nd es and the bosses are not interest- . x j a 7 mu,, of mosquitos that prompted San ed in you and me. They are only , , , . . . , ; V j . 1 n A xi, Antonio to put up its municipal interested m themselves and their Bat.RoQst gaid to hose set. And so it s up to you and q mimon me to look out for our own m- y terest. It will be a happy day o mo f for us when we learn to quit , , . . -. n, P tagging around alter a gang 01 mrernai mg-uvi letting them ,use us as mud-sills I ,A rotten bulks of parties. Hang-take it, fellers, let's turn over a new leaf and try working for our own interests awhile. Poes that ring your bell? The regular price of the . Fool-Killer scriptions, or 10 cents a year in clubs of five or more. At the very low price we make, it is impossible to give premiums to club-raisers, but thousands of teoi)le eniov crettine ud clubs iust for the fun of it and to uvAr vu.u 1 6uuu auoc. auu win cixjvijr u Decome a regular ciuo-raiser. n to gooa nanas, an iney win cost you is clubs, please remember the following DO NOT SEND STAMPS. It is a turned into cash. Remittance should be made by registered letter, express or post office money order. Be sure to write each name and write a good hand, but if you are not not be so plain to the person who is WRITE PLAINLY. If, after a reasonable time your club ers, write to us about it. But be each complaining subscriber. It in gation unless you give the name and not receive the paper. And remember, DO NOT SEND STAMPS. Address all communications to: THE FOOL-KILLER, SANTONE'S BAT-ROOST The New York Independent tells the story of the Municipal Bat-Roost which the citv of San Antouio Texas has recently add- ed to its list of luxuries. Maybe I ought to be ashamed to own that I have lived here in this world for 36 years and didn 't know that bats were useful. But I was just that ignorant. Nobody had been good enough to take me by the hand gently, lead me to a quiet place, and lubricate my brain with the oil of knowledge OWXX X IXXX KJXXVJX M. X11V11 tll y VV XXX haye start a mosquito farm to feed their bats, and the human nnlat,n hsiyr. ft - . h I r 1 ; ' " blood to feed the mosquitos on till they get big enough for the bats to eat. Seems to me the undertaking is going to cost about as much as it comes to. is 25 cents a year for single sub- il cuu, aiiu JUU ttio iiCJ. cuj 111 lieu i you can aistriDute some samples m- to asK ior tnem. wnen sending in points: lot of trouble for us to get them address very carefully. You might careful in writing each name, it will not used to your writing. MORAL: members do not receive their pap sure to give the name and address of impossible for us to make an investi address of each person who does MORAVIAN FALLS, N. C. THE MONEY-GODS WIN. At last the bosses of America are making some headway in 'Mexico. The loner-expected choice between several barrels of spoilt fish has been made, and they have picked out Carranza tor their, honey-boy. But before agreeing to "recog- nize tne uarranza government in Mexico, of course the bosess of America made His Whiskers promise to give them a free hand in looting the oil-fields and other resources of the bloody republic, This Uncle Sam person ou hear so much about has stood ready all along to "reJOgnize,, what ever faction the plutes of this country wanted him to K nize Ana tne piutes nave gust been'feeling around.to find out wnien leader tney coma squeeze tne most juice out 01. Ana it seems that they have now settled on uorranza as tne man most liKeiy to De a good nttie yaiier dog for them. Uarranza is more Kinds 01 a grand rascal than Villa ever dar- ed to be. In spite of being a thief or i-.1otx7 Villo TQO enmo ir, UXXVX J IX IXU TV, .1 XXXUl UUO XXX- XSL x xi j. 1. terest m the welfare of his coun- try. Me nas snown a willingness to listen to reason and has sent delegates to, peace conferences, But he probably didn't agree to hand over his country, soul and rrL f Vo. v.J' i. a J x,Qx spout nis cnances 01 Demg rec- aT Ann ryA1 " m t mf rrQWo .0 ,a vaiiaua, vxxc ukiicx xxaxxvx, has nlavfid "An in th manow." and has treated all the calls to peace meetings with the utmost contempt. EOs actions have said more painly than words: "If I can't be the Whole Cheese in Mexico, I won't let anybody elsebe But if you will recognize ivrv nammaJ aA f Tvrm XIX X. fZJ V V.XXXXXLVyXXl; UXXVX Ctl "Ml as the leor.1 head of the Mexican republic you may just have any thing else you care to ask for. Thus the blamed old scoundel has bought the "recognition" of the American money-gods and has (mortgaged his country for it. For pity's sake! I do declare Z4. x x x i. i ... At Juat tuw WiU4 ammu Them darling, good, gentle, .. . , . , , , timid, Dasniui Diinonaires up m ankeedoodle are getting so scared that they can't hardy hit the leg-holes of their breech es when they go to dress of a morning. And it 's all on account of that nasty yaller gold which has been coming in from Europe so fast here of late. Their banks are all full of the yaller dross, and they have rented the basement of Harry Thaw's dog-house to pile it up in. You can't walk the streets of New York without miring up to your knees in gold dollars, and the poor folks have begun to feed it to their chickens in the nlace of shelled corn. Now that's a mighty little thing to get scared about. I'd just like to see the pile of gold that could scare me. If I never die till I get scared to death by having too mn eh c?old in mv nossesioTi. vnn needn't wait for my life insur- c . J x ' 7 mi ance. Say, you Northern fraid-cats, why don't you trot a few loads of your yaller booger down this way, where folks are brave? We won't run. t WHAT WOULD THEY DO? I The doctor don't want neonle to . ftvftrvhnHv Wftr I what WQuld the doctors do, j. rot law obeyed If everybody obey. ed x w(ml(1 a j IT v - 'vw MSS. POOH! Looky here, Mister He-She-or It, or whatever your name is, I WaXlb LU ttSK VOU OUC pmill, ildt- Irt.j , x TI looiea quesxion. van you xeu . . . . . ( . . the word man-script," where ever it appears in print, always has to be abbreviated to "MS?" Fd Sive -98 for a riSnt Plum g . . , , , T , I During the past week I have been browsmg through a very I I nn aH l a aI'p ttt l- 1 4-h a tr 1 -4- w xcaxxicvL uwn. xii vv xixuii liic autuui finds occasion to use the word " manuscript " very frequently. iTkx'x l Hi' 11 i x " T1 ""8 oi7"" -( htke oer words, lt always grins f-6 ap,e of ,&t CQa fle of r&A kI It makes me tired. Some abbre- ylatlons are always proper, but I no particular significance a- l"c "ulli.. v" which prevents -it from being 11 1 x 1 '1 il ,1 -1 sPelled3 " ht the othr WOT,Aa around it. The general reader may know what it means, or he maJ T ' ? -ff l'3 nnnnn to hp nisfnistftri with kit rn a. fool habit m Wh not iilst as well squeeze "buttermilk" down to BM., or "fiddlesticks" to FSS.?