The fool-killer., September 01, 1916, Page Page Three, Image 3

About The fool-killer. (Moravian Falls, N.C.) 1910-1917

Image provided by: University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Library, Chapel Hill, NC

                
I
September 1916
THE FOOL-KiLLiE
Comrade
s.
IDIOTORIAL&
'Give me yo hand, O child,
And let us walk together,
For the night is dark and wild,
Arid angry is the weather.
There are great ways to go
Where you and I have started,
-And, oh, our steps are slow,
And we have grown faint-hearted.
Come, use my sturdy strength, '
And let me use your vision.
Trill we have passed at length
To brighter fields Elysian.
James Larkin Pearson.
HAPGOOD HOOLIGAN
Hint feteh-taked fool who.an
sweres to the name of Norman
Hapgood don't seem to have the
erise he was born with. Among
ill 4 I -v TT' 1 1 1 ir.-vJ V.-A.hl.n A. 1 A. 1
. luv, .iinu-vj; tu Ul-CllYk L licit -I
iiave seeii in print during this
ampaign, some of the wildest
"vo u u OJJI UU" liuill lilt' UIUU
1 have already pealed his old
..'..j'iiuu!, in i u ui mice piatTO
in this issue of The Fool-Killer,
'ut as long as he insists on stick
ing it up in my way I propose to
iitt it. Ho here goes another biff
ral the thins: old Norman's silk
at sets on.
Since his feather-legged follv
'vi nd editorial ignorance caused the
loath of Harper's Weekly, the
old man Ilapgood has been trot
ting around with his arms full of. 1
rotten "copy" and dropping
it in Wherever he could find an
- -ditor 'druiik or asleep.
Wdll th New York Indcpcnd-
Mil iut ut;t;u guiitcy iuj. priming j
riue ui uagwuu umm, auu j.
r, ti. iu quoi .vou juy vuvmE lN A THOUSAND
nttie snack ot it. ;ie is 2ym.g j
.o cony -y me luea uuu uie w oou-
;iMie sue Dang nuts.uone gi cax uimgs
'i'or the country, and he "proves";
H in this fashion:
"This is npt an administration gift
ed in advertising. Seldom has so
much accomplishment been accom
panied by so little celebration.
The
JXXl I
xrotk of the. Departments is a notable
illuatration. , Mr. Houston's work,
combined with the Rural Credits Act,
it anight weir have been the talk of
the nation. It has also included. the
rirst great step toward decrease in
the .waste of agricultural distributipij
A. - 1 1 i At A. J? 12a!
lowaru lesHwuug iue coat 01 living.
Yet of that record not one man in a
uThosand has ever heard."
, .
any man s caretul study, oup -
.lose we pick it up sentence by
fsentencc and saueeze the iuice out
u.
"This is not an administration
..v,v -n-
.1:1 1 1-1 .
Jiig blunders and
-ountry in debt.
running
7 Mr. Houston's work, combined
M.m me ivurai i,reous aci, nas
.. '11. - T 1 j 1
oone so mucu ior tne iarmer,
and so forth. Great howling cata
1 i p. ii p
mounts-! If it was my ambi
tion, to become the biggest
liar on earth, I would at
least try to tell lies that some
iiodv would believe.
Ask the next
ren- iarmers you meet and see 1
they know anything' about the
;.s ine puo.ic nas oeen aoie to od- Blcsscd .Republi
serve, this administration is not Q
waj WltH J OU
.ii 4 a l Aiyin lialLV mixing vour r
the
IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE,
The price of single subscriptions to
but if ycu will get several of your
a cluD or live or more at one unie,
a year.
At the very low price we make, it
club-raisers, but thousands of people
it and to help out a good cause. You will enjoy it, too, and you are hereoy
invited to become a regular club-raiser. If you can distribute some samples
into good hands, all they will cost you
In sending in clubs, be sure to
carefully. Remember that a name which
handwriting might not look so plain to
your handwriting. Therefore WRITE
have the list typewritten, so much the
The Fool-Killer is now going on
culation in every state in the Union, ard it also goes to seveial foreign
countries. It has long ago passed the experimental stage and has become
an established institution. Over 40,000 people are eagerly waiting for its
arrival each month.
Send remittance by registered letter, express or postoffice money
order, and make all orders payable to:
THE FOOL-KILLER, BOOMER, X. C.
bountiful blessings that have been
poured out upon them.
.It has also included the first
great steps toward lessening the
cost of living." Yes, with the
price of belly-timber twice as high
as it was before, and going high
er every day. Any man who can
face these actual facts and talk
about Wilson having 4 lowered
the cost of living" ought to have
his alleged brains pumped out
through the hollow .of a gnat's
whisker and the nole tilled up i
with frog-eggs.
But in spite of all the great and
good things that he says Wood
pile and his heavenly host Ira ve
done for us, old Hapgood proved
himself a blundering liar by say
:nf). .
4 YET OF THAT RECORD NOT
HAS EVER HEARD."
m fminv thi about h h tftat
people could be so greatly helped
and not know it. If you were in
great need of something, and were
suffering severely from the lack
of it, and if the very thing' you
neeaea were Drougnt Dy some
. . . 1 i - t . i
good aJigel and placed in your
hands, don t you suppose you
UVOuld be apt to find put pretty
that ?ou. ha.d lV Or -would
P uu xo wait uu orman xiap
J good wrote a piece m a., paper and
told you that vou had it ?
I '
Religion and Politics.
i iSOt lone asm the Duvned Sorm.l-
l. .
lsl 11110 an aiKument Wltn a
messed Republican, and m the
i course oi inp aiscussion ine mm
ed Socialist had occasion to quote
a, v crse iiuiu me jDioie.
I 1 here you go! said the
can. "That's the
fellows always
eligion with your
politics. I never mix my religion
with my politics!"
"AY!! qjj.i 1t n,,w-,ni
I tn',. JLlli. 111.1
8ociaiist should hor)e . not
And if 1 had your kind of poll
ties 1 don't
either."
believe I would.
''My voice is for WAR!", bel
lowed the Good Plutocrat. kYes.
but what about your body is it
for
wa rv too ? ' ? asked the Durned
Socialist
FIFTEEN CENTS A YEAR.
The Fool-Killer is 25 cents a year,
triencs to go m with you and send in
you can an gei uie paper ut w ceuia
is impossible to give premiums to
enjoy getting up clubs for the fun of
is to ask for them.
write each name and address very
looks plain to you in your own
a person who is not acquainted with
VERY CAREFULLY. If possible to
better.
seven years old. It has a large cir
A FEW SALTY WOPES.
Alas, alack, and ah, me !
Times are not what they once
were.
It was not many years ago that
one could pick up his favorite
family paper, and right before his
eyes would rise up Dr. Munyon.
with hand uplifted, and he would
tell von such tales as made your
vcrv blood run cold.
Any man who couldn't contract
a good healthy case of the grippe
from reading one of Dr. Munyon s
ads was utterly devoid of imagiu
ation.
Then there was Lydia Pinkham.
I have actually been obsessed
to buy myself a bottle from the
reading.
If anv woman has suffered half
the tortures I have been through
alter reading dear Liydia, sne is
entitled to be a mother-in-law and
get revenge. -And
Peruna.
The privileges of the great
American reader have been cur
tailed something fierce.
Think of the time when you
could get your picture in the
paper and ten dollars besides, just
for saying that you had taken
unisteen bottles of Peruna.
In the good old days of my
youth I was a faithful reader of
all the patent medicine ads, and
I never in my life read one with
out experiencing all the symptoms
therein described;
Any time I wanted to enjoy the
luxury of being sick, I could just
hunt up my favorite medical ads
and read them, and I had a full
grown case in a few minutes.
' But in these degenerate days a-
body can hardly find a patent
medicine ad anywhere, and life is
a perfect bore. There is nothing
to look forward to but the mono
tonv of being well.
wince tne visit ot news to tne
West, the Republican farmers out
there have decided to grow beard
ed wheat.
One of these Good-Advice Foun
tain recently turned out this:
i Enjoy what you have; work foi
what vou lack." All right. But
i sa-y- Buddy, after you have work
ed lor- it. vou had better see that
you get it
Most of the books on 'Thild-
raising" arc written-bv old maids
Monev for Land-Owners ! Now
watch the lenant-11 armers get
rich!
Neither cue of the plute candi
dates is better than the other.-But
they are both a good deal worse.
And why shouldn't the Mule
Party employ horse doctors or
mule doctors, rather?
The French are shaving otf
their beards, which is probably
an indication that Hews will not
carrv France.
The Farm Loan Asociation will
help the POOR farmer just about
like the opening, of a new beef
market would help a cow.
At the rate this country is gal
loping toward hell, it is about
time for us to take the word "E.
Pluribus 11111101" off of our coins
and put 011 "E. Pluto Guss."
In diagnosing the case of the
Democratic mule, Dr. Hews has
overlooked a blind eye, a broken
hip, a big saddle-sore, three stiff
legs and a bad case of political
botts, and has solemnly called at1
tention to a gnat-bite ! '
Are you scared? Well, what,
are you scared about? The plutea
are trying to scare us all to death
with an imaginary booger in or
der to keep us from seeing the
real danger of Militarism and
Plutocratic Bossim that hangs like
a dead-fall over our heads.
ADVERTISEMENTS.
13 VERY CURIOUS Love Letters:
reading two ways, 10c postpaid.
Funny? Well , I guess. The William
Co., Bos 60S, Huntsville, Ala.
"TOBACCO HABIT Easily Con
quered" is the name of a wonderful
book by M. MaLevy. Every tobacco
slave should read this book. Nodroga. ,
Plain and simple rales for: changing:,
yourself from a slave ioto a master.
Price $l;2a net. Albro Society, 181
Lexington Ave., New York;
SWEETHEARr Perfume Powder.
Sweetest odor. Society people use
them for parlors and clothes. Pack
age 30c. 3, 25c. O. H. ftfoser Co.,
Rural Hall, N. C.
POWDERS to prevent feet from
having bad odor. Also good for Sores
and Pimples. 2c and $1.00. Trial 10c.
O. H. Moser Co., Rural Hall, N. C.
LIFE OF NAOMI "WISE. A tru
story of a beautiful girl and how sh
was killed by Johnathan Lewis in
Randolph, Co., X. C, about 100- yeara
ago. We include the song of "Naomi
Wise" with the Book which is neatly
printed and substantially bound. A1S;
sent postpaid for 15 cents
NEWSUM BOOK CO., 315 Newsnm
Bldg., King, N. C.
YOU'LL get cards and have friend
and sweethearts everywhere. Mem
bership 10 cents. World-Wide Car
Clubf.Dept. F. K., King, N. C.