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The 001- A Monthly Mustand-Plaster for the Blood -Boils of Society, Church and State. PUBLISHED MONTHLY. lames Lurldn Pearson, ..- ..- Editor BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: Single subscription, one year, 40 cts. In clubs of four or more, 25 cts. Entered as second-class matter Harch 3, 1916, at the postoffice at Boomer, N. C, under the act of March 3, 1879. TAKE NOTICE Do not send postage stamps on sub scription. Remittances should be made by registered letter, express or postoffice money order. Be careful to write your own name find address plainly, and direct all letters and make all orders payable THE FOOL-KILLER, Boomer, - - - North Carolina A LITTLE SERMON ON ANGELS 1 discover as I jog along that a $rfcole lot of the . orthodox wooden heads are all balled up on the angel business. When I was a little bare feted rascal going to the old-fashioned meetin'-house I used to hear 'em punish a song that went something: Sethis: -";K' "I want to be an angel, An$ with the agMs stan4f fi A crowii upon my fore-head, y A harp within my hand." .Aa$ then the verx. minute one t&em would leel a iitfte pain across tjjig sxnaU end of, his misery Mmebody. would ve to 50 leis doctor, and they would 'try every retrw edy under the sun that they thought; might keep them from being an angel a little while longer. : And that put me to thinking , Even then, in my boyish ignorance, I could see that the good Amen Corner tobac-co-squirters didn't want to be angels one half as bad as they pretended to. That kind of sam-singing is just about one per cent religion, nineteen per cent hyprocracy, and eighty per cent pure unadulterated ignorance. I find some people yet who actual ly think that dead people go to heav en and become angels as soon as they die. They think all the angels they read about in the Bilbe are dead hu man folks that have been sorter vamped and made over and had turkey wings grafted onto their shoulder blades. That is all very foolish and un reasonable. There was just as many angels in heaven before Adam was made as there is now God isn't so poor and hard-run for material that he has to hang around and wait for somebody on earth to die in order to get the scraps to make an angel out of. Angels are entirely a different order of creation from human beings. An gela are a higher Order than man, just as the animal creation is a low er order than man and these different orders will not mix at all. You can't make an angel out of-a human being, any more than you could make gaso line out of branch water. It does look like the orthodox fools would learn a little sense sometime. Killer THE FOOti-KO LR, ECHOES OP THE BIG BUST And Prussianism got another black eye. The seditious spirit " of 1776 still lives. Just call it the New York Ass-emb-ly, and let it go at that. Nw suppose we deport Hughes, Johnson and Mann. What it takes to make radicalism grow Mitch Palmer has it. Well, the masterpiece of old Tom Jefferson had a narrow escape. I suspect Mitch Palmer feels, like the little boy the calf ran over. And where was Senator Overman when the breech-pin blew out ? Chairman Sweet, of New York Asa-embly, is what I call a june sweetner. ; No, no, Hiram you can't improve the temperature by putting the ther mometer in jail. . Whipped Kaiser Bill and then sur rendered to Leninei Moly Hoses, what a shame I Speaking of bombs and booms and the like, ask Candidate Palmer if he didn't hear somthing bust. The difference between blockade and blockhead was not even as much as the sound indicates. i You cant cme a man's hunger by passing a law that he shall not ask for bread. .- They tried . to inata their little anti-red balloon with Prussian hot air,' axri; that's why itxbusted... The raid was going to "nip' a whole lot of revolution in the bud, , but it was the raid that got ''nipped.'' -. The anti-radical gun was loaded, all right, but the fool gunners didn't know which end it was loaded at. Well, we must admit, anyhow, that Bryan helps to keep up interest. A Bryanless world would be a mighty dull place. 991 It did begin to look like Democracy had scared the Kaiser out of hit skin for the express purpose of crawling into it himself. Those five Socialists at Albany were five tacks that the plutocratic govern ment jitney ran over and if ever there was a blow-out it was right then. You can't prevent a boiler explo sion by holding down the safety-valve-That is the very surest way to have a blow-up. Let the Republicans put up Wood or Pershing if they want to. And let the Dems put up Palmer. Then Debs wouldn't need to run-he could just walk in. Just for an experiment they might try making the government so free and fair and honest and so good to live under that nobody would want to overthrow it. Guess they just had n't thought about that. BOOMER. N. C. The plutes have sown more seeds of revolution in a few short weeks than all the passengers of the Buford could have done in a life-time. I hid my copy of the Declaration of Independence during the raid. I wonder if it would be safe now to bring it out? The fool, ignorant, fanatical over bearing, bonehead tactics of the rough-neck "patriots" has almost made the very name of "patriotism" odious. A government that can fight enemy armies on fifteen different fronts all at once, and at the same time fight enemy lies all over the world, is en titled to some respect. The nearest approach to the "anti red" crusade was the anti-witch cru sade in New England a few genera tions ago. And one was just about as- insane as the other. When a pin in a baby's clothes sticks it and makes it cry, the easiest and safest way to stop the crying is to remove the pin Tell that to Palmer. Since it is certainly wrong for Rus sia to try to overthrow our govern ment, how comes it so right and proper for us to try to overthrow Russia's government ? Don't all speak at once. y WHO !S HUNGRY ANYHOW? At last the blockade against Russia has been-4ifted so. , they say. ButS dozens of different reasons areT given as to WHX it was lifted." The very fact that the move was made just, on the 'heels of a series of. grea Bolshe-1 yik victories makes it loo , a plum sight like the Allies L were just whip-5 ped and had to surrender. That is the way the Bolsheviks look ; at it anyhow, and I guess they are right, i But some folks will try to make it appear that the Allies ' were just so inagjiandmous and big-hearted that they wanted a chance to feed the starving people of Russia, and they couldn't do it until the blockade was lifted. Terrible doggon good all at once! But it wouldn't have looked so suspicious if they had opened their tender, yearning hearts at a time when the Red armies were not win ning victoies right and left. It is going to be mighty hard now to convince the world that the Allies were not just cleverly whipped. But the cry will come that we got sorry for the folks we were fighting, and wanted to feed them, because they were starving to death. That has been the song for many moons now that the Bolsheviki were letting the people starve that they were out of food, clothing and everything else. Isn't it a strange and unaccountable thing, then, how they could still stay. able to wage successful war against the Allied world? Now I want to call your attention very briefly to some editorial ex tracts from different papers. First we will hear what the Washington Post has to say: "If the Allies are willing to give FOOD, perhaps they will also furnish arms and munitions to the Bolsheviki, with which to murder Poland and Rumania. Why not? It is as foolish to FEED the Bolsheviki as it is to arm them." FEBRUARY, 192. There the Russians are needing FOOD, you see. Next, the Literary Digest quotes some big capitalist as saying: "The idea that FOOD and clothing can be supplied adequate to make any impression on the suffering Rus sian people is an iridescent dream." There the Russians are still needing FOOD, you see. Then up steps our friend Herbert Hoover and says: "If the blockade is opened the Bol shevik government must ' secure the import of FOOD and clothing at onee, and thereby great suffering will be mitigated." Poor old Russia still needing FOOD imported to save her from starvation. I have put the word FOOD in capi tals to impress on your mind how bad Russia is needing to be fed by the dear, big-hearted outside world. But now the tune changes all at once. Just listen, if you please, to this one from the, New York: Evening Post: "New York business men believe that Europe's pD: situation was an important factor in bringing about the decision. IT IS SAID THAT THE FOOD WHICH, MAY BE OBTAIN ED ' FROM RUSSIA MAY BE SUF FICIENT TO RENDER MUCH LESS DIFFICULT THE PROBLEM OF FEEDING EUROPE BETWEEN NOW AND THE NEXT HARVEST," What's that? I thought Russia was stajrving and needed FOOD sent TO her. 5 But here is a confession hat x is the rest of the European natfc, that are, starj forna pM?e with Jsheyik uvi- eia to'ti!,.. . Well I-dflt say; If that dont beat the very Old Scratch!- w" ' :"rv v POLITICAL PEPPER A new book taSe&The Wisdom M Woodrow WOW has Just heM"ii ed. It must be a Very small book.v r J udging by the number of presi dential bees abroad in thr land, aoine body must "have i kicked oyer a hive. Prohibition never could come. But it did. " Seems like it is nearly al ways the "impossible that happens these days. A South Carolina, paper thinly tae dove of peace must be a blue bird. Well, if it .joint, then it must take a whole he; to give it the blues. I wish I had thought about calling 1 tn Woo J "a booted and spurred yel low streuk." Hut Judge Frank Ca"te beat, me to a. Anyhow t kivers tLe ground, purty thoroughly. They said Bryan could never eoene back. But he is back. And he has brought his knitting and come to stay awhile. After eight yearsof Woodrow, it certainly is cheeky for anybody to suggest Wood. The country doesn't need any more Wooden presidents just now. Most of the "reforms" sug gested by.Jhe old party, politi cians remind me of a little boy riding a wooden horse. Thee is 4ots of motion, but no progress.