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The Fool-Killer &' Monthly Mustard-Plaster for the Blood-Boils of Society, Church and State. PUBLISHED MONTHLY. fime's Larkin Pearson - - - Editor BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA.. 8SW SUBSCRIPTION BATES: Single subscription, one year, 25 cts. In Clubs of Five or More, 15 cts. Entered as second-class matter $&rck 2. 1916, at the postomce at Roomer, N. C, under the act of grreh Z, 187?. TAKE NOTICE &6 not send postage stamps on tub fription. Remittances should be made by filtered letter, express or postomce ioney order. Be careful to write your own name fat address plainly, and direct all latters and make all orders payable EMC THE FOOL-KILLER, Boomer, - - - - North Carolina. Reduced Rates Well, folkses, I have decided to risk my chances on putting The Fool Killer back to its old price. Print paper is still costing me twice as much as it did before the war; but the general trend of prices is down ward, and I want to give my readers the benefit of all possible reduction, because I know times are hard and money scarce. j So please tell everybody you see and send word to the rest that tbey can now get The Fool-Killer agar the old price 25 cents for a single susbcription, or 15 cents each in clubs of five or more at one time. Now please rush in the subs like you did in the old days, and I'll do iny level best to keep 'em awake. Let Us Talk It Over Well, dear sinner friends, this is The Fool-Killer. How does it set on your stomach? If you like it you can get more at headquarters. The Fool-Killer is nob even a forty 'leventh cousin to any other paper on earth. It stands in a class by itself, and its ! Held is as broad as the English i language. This paper wears no bell, muzzle, collar nor halter. You can put that down to start with. I am the fellow who works at the pump-handle on this rag of reform. I never travelled any to speak of, but I have read a great deal, and have thunk some. And then I started The Fool-Killer, just to quiet my nerves and to keep the old press from getting rusty. From the seclusion of these wooded hills there will go forth each month -a. bundle of literary dynamite that will shake the rotten foundations of society and "cause the church of Mammon to at least turn over in its sleep. The Fool-Killer is a monthly mus tard plaster for the blood-boils of Society, Church and State. It is written with a red-hot poker dipped in razor-soup. It rides the devil a-straddle without s, saddle, and spurs him at every lope. It is salted with wit, peppered with humor, and seasoned with sarcasm., Every line cuts like a whip, and very word raises a blister. 1 If you are a fool you had better not subscribe for The Fool-Killer. If you are wise you will, and that settles it, JAMES LARKIN PEARSON Boomer, N. C. THE FOOL-KILLER, PARAGRAPHS. I'm tolerable, thank ye. How are you? This old world is a plum sipht, anyhow.. It looks like the "next war" has started. If the moon had a baby, would the sky-rocket? Now is the time to remember old G rover. How to avoid paying: an honest debt don't make the debt. If you don't like this-here talk, you are welcome to it anyhow. The spoon that stirs the gravy is the spoon that rules the world. West Virginia is getting more normalcy than it knows what to do with. It looks sorter bad to see the dove of peace roosting on top of a battleship. A good deal of the stuff tjiat passes for human nature is just pure cussedness. Most people are all right when they are asleep. The trouble is, they don't sleep enough. f A young fool will sometimes learn better, but an old fool never does. How old are you? If I say anything in this paper that makes you mad, 1 hope you will write and apologize to me. How do you like to sop your mental flap-jack in The Fool Killer's editorial molasses? The world is trying to turn a sharp corner without slowing down, and there is going to be an other wreck. A New York magazine has printed a poem entitled "Heirs Resurrection." Yes, there is al ways somebody ready to raise hell. Out yander in Oklahoma there is a law firm by the name of Ryder & Hurt. How cruel! They ought not to Ryder if it Hurts. If you find something in The Fool-Killer that makes you mad well, honey, you'll just have to scratch your mad place. The p lutes of the world are mighty glad there is a famine in Russia. It gives them one more thing to pack on the Soviets. BOOMER, N. C. The Republican papers these days are making a fuss sorter like an old wind-broken hoss trying to drink fodder" through a quill. I have just read about a man who quit being a Christian Scien tist because he said he was "tired of being so durned happy all the time." A man and his "wife are con sidered one, but they often have big fusses about which one of them it is. You might as well try to pull an auger- hole out of a log as to undertake keeping the drotted millionaire grafters out of the Senate. The coming Disagreement Con ference at Washington is going to look like a man with forty-seven legs trying to put on his breech es. You can't get any sense nor reason out of an orthodox fool. You might as well try to milk a broom handle. Many a mister man whose voice was made to drive a team of muley bulls with, has got it hemmed up in one corner of a two story collar trying to( make it preach. There is a kind of cloth on the market called "duck." If a-body had a suit of that cloth and it was a good fit, wouldn't that be a duck-fit? When you hear it said these days that a politician's record is "spotless," it generally means that it is solid black all over. A headline in a Pennsylvania paper says: "Party of Five Escape Death by Drowning." Well, now, if that ain't a new way to escape death! The people of olden times did n't have The Fool-Killer to read, It makes me right plum sorry for them every time 1 think about it. A writer of Sunday School "helps" is running a series called 4 The Lesson in a Nutshell." And I'll be swinge-taked if he couldn't put all he knows about it in the shell of a turnip-seed. A North Carolina sport is in trouble because he is engaged to two girls named Kate, and he wants to know how to extricate himself. Good land, I don't see what he wants with an extra Kate. Looks like two Kates would be a plenty. SEPT., 1921. Why Not a Secretary of Peace? In the city of Washington, just a short distance from the White House, there is a great and mag nificent stone building called the War and Navy Building. It looks more like a. mountain or a great cliff of some sort than it does like a building. The inside of that building is working alive with the diplomatic and business end of Uncle Sam's war making machinery. Its very name presupposes that war is one of the important and desirable things that men must engage in. And so they have a "Secretary of War." And he has a whole army of assistants, and they all. live there in a sort of "I-dare-you-to-touch-me" atmosphere, all busy as bees working out plans for tlio nice, healthy wars that are so nececsary and so pleasant. . But if we are a Christian nation and desire peace, I wonder why we don't have a Peace Building and a Secretary of Peace? When our slick and oily officials come out and talk to us common plugs they pretend that they want to give us peace. They pretend that they are working for our in terests. And we are such haDg taked, wood en-headed idiots that we can't see through the hypo critical mask of mock-piety that covers their devilish mugs. Why, man alive, if the govern ment really wanted peace, it would convert its War Building into a Peace Building. It woufd swap off its gold-braided, sword rattling Secretary of War and get a real, true-hearted Christ following Secretary of Peace. If the government would work as hard preparing for peace as it works preparing for war, it could have peace. But any fool knows that we are not going to have peace as long as we spend all of our energies and all of our money for war. Why don't a Sunday School have a Secretary of Cussing? Why don't a missionay society have a Secretary of Idolatry? Why don't a clothing store have a Secretary of Nakedness? Why don't a bankers' associa tion have a Secretary of Poverty? Why don't a great university have a Secretary of Ignorance? All these things would be just as reasonable and just as right as for a peace-loving nation to have a Secretary of War. I Now can you look me in the eye and say that I haven't told the truth? Say, Mister Republican Voter, you just might as w,ell stand to the rack, fodder or no fodder. You voted for this.