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JUDGMENT DAY FOR THE Once more the world stands aghast at the pitiful failure of humanity's biggest plans. Once more the -hand of fate has written in letters qf fiie the doom of the wicked nations. Once more the efforts of puny man to defy arid outdo his . Cre ator have come to a sudden and tragic end. For more than ktwo years the United States Navy has had un der construction a great airship of the Zeppelin type, the cost of which was a mere trifle of Two Million Dollars. A "hangar" to keep it in when not in use had also been built at a cost of Three Million Dollars. Five Millions" in all. The "hangar" is big enough to put the sky in and have plenty of room for the moon to pass under the rafters. The namerof the great airship was the ZR-2. It was 695 feet long, and rather large for its size. It was equipped with , all the modern devices for killing people inventions that the world has been working on ever since the recent war ended. It could carry bombs enough t trrino nnf n WhrlA pit.v nr sink a whole fleet in a few hours. Well, the thing was finished and tried out. it worked HKe a charm. Its makers and its own ers predicted for it a long and useful career of bloody slaughter. About two weeks ago they were giving it the final prelimin ary test before actually putting it into the government service to kill people in the "next war." Everything wTas lovely and the goose was hanging high. But all of a sudden something went wrong up in the heavens, and there was a terrible explosion that shook the brass buttons off of Mars's military uniform and blowed star-dust into the eyes of the man in the moon. The monster airship parted in the middle and fell to the ground, a blazing wreck. They got a hay rake and gathered up a few pieces of the 47 men who were killed. And so ended the career of the ZR-2. The Z stood for Zero. The R stood for Ruin. ine stooa ior tne two pieces that fell after the explosion tcre the middle out. Now here is the lesson: This devil-of-a-thing belonged to the U. S. Navy. It was de signed and built for the express purpose of killing people and I suppose the old thing thought it THE FOOL-KILLER, might just as well begin. By killing 47 men and blowing its own guts out, perhaps it . saved the lives of many thousands. And I do hope to God that every future airship they build for the hellish business of war will meet a similar fate. If that machine had been built for the useful pur suits of peace I don't have any idea the wreck would have occur red. I notice that nearly all the bad wrecks of flying craft hap- pen to be army or navy ma chines. AJong last spring two big army pianos were wrecked with in a day or two of each other, with the loss of many liyes. You don't often hear of such things happening to the mail planes that are flying every day. It is the kind of BUSINESS that these war machines engage in that calls down upon them the wrath of God. This is another prpof that the Golden Age is beginning, and that Satan is losing his control of the a ir. The righteous influence of the Millennial Kingdom is be ginning to take control. In the future years every machine that flies for peace will be blessed, but every machine that tries to fly for war will get seven kinds of hell knocked out of it the first trip. THE PRESIDENTIAL COFFIN NAIL. The No Tobacco League of A merica has passed a resolution asking President Harding to stop smoking cigarettes. News Item. Oh, dry up! Close the gash in your face! What have you got to do with it, Mr. No Tobacco League of A merica? Maybe you've got a right to butt in about some things, and maybe a cigarette in the gab-trap of an ordinary cheap skate comes within your jurisdiction. ' But I am afraid you are taking in too much territory when you undertake to meddle with the presidential coffin nail. Didn't the people of this coun try say by about seven million majority that they wanted a cig arette sucker in the White House? And now here comes the No Tobacco League of America try ing to deprive the American peo ple of the gT eat honor which they have achieved. Trying to rob them of the fruits of their vie tory. Just think! This poor old government had to struggle along for nearly hundred and fifty years without ever being able to have a cigar ette smoker in the White House. We had begun to lose all hope of BOOMEft, N. C.; ever having one. But at last the great blessing fell upon us just like a shirt-tail j full of manna from heaven, and-we lifted up I Our left hind foot and wept tears of joy as big as hoss-apples. AndltellyOU right now that any doggon League which thinks it is going to fumigate the White .j House and remove the yaher mc- otine stains from the presidential fingers has got another guess coming. it is x wen-Miuwii j. act umu this present cigarette administra tion has been the means of put ting hope and courage back into the lives o i millions of cigarette suckers who had lost all self-re spect. They were unable to get a job in any respectable business; ana uname to nom a jod it tney happened to get one.. So they were just out of luck . all around ana uueny nopeiess. iney xeic that they were an inferior tribe j l j. la i -r - a. ami nut waqieu anywnere. rui wnen tney ntted up their noses and smelted the satisfying odor of cigarettes wafted down from the White House, lo and behold, they jumped sixteen f eet-straight upanagraooea departing nope i ii i i i fi oy me tan ana nung on iiKe a mud-turtle to a nigger's toe. So today that great army of hollow-eyed, hatchet-faced, sunk- en-cnestea, spmaie-ieggea, auu- iii ii i -t -i .I I minHorl onrl iro lien r nrayaA r?nrQii vv,v JMi-xx&i.v v.6j.- ette smokers nave the satislac- tion oi reeling tnat tney are equal to the president of the Benited rnr.4 ann rhow hrmhr hohuva wxv,tw. that just a few more packs of comn nails Will land teem in the White House. Can't you see what an elevating influence that would have on a fellow's mind? And tnmk, also, of the honor that comes to the lowly cigarette. Never having known any better iate tnan to stmtc itseii away ne- tween the decayed teeth and rot- ting gums of the one-gallus cheap skate, how proud it must feel to keep company with the gold tooth and Bourbon breath of a ,real president! Who would be so cruel and so unpatriotic as to cut out the pres- idential coffin nail? Who would dare to Jay profane hands upon the official match box or fumigate the executive chair? 'Not me. I will just hold my peace. And my nose. We can't all be honest some body has got to go to Congress. Every' great truth that has ever come to the world was de nounced as a lie when it first came. It takes, the fool neonte , uaa Z 7 aoout a nunarea years- to get u4uuinvvu mm t new tLUtll that they are not afraid of it. SEPr., 1921. OUR PIECE OF PEACE. America's separate peace treaty difwtv. step by step the negotiations proceed, encountering here and there apparently insur- mountable snags. Pending final out- come, it was learnea irom an aumur- Lu menu win uo icovuu vh.oj. vide or resUmPtion of butines.-News Report. Huh? What's that? Still trying to make peace with Germany? Still trying to end a war that ended three years ago? ,What has become of our late lamented "peace resolution' that we had such a terrible time over, land finany got it crammed thru both houses and signed bv Presi. dent Not male v while out on one of his missionary trips trying to save the immortai soxxy 0f a golf ball. I j thought the war was going to be over and peace with Germany all ripeand ready to pull' just as soon as we got that momentous "resolution" signed But there seems t0 e a mistake somewhere. i Something has gone wrong A belt has. slipped or a cog- wheel has busted, and the ma- chinery of peace refuses to run. They have suuirted a whole bar- I t h it . i . rei or peace resolution" grease mt0 its guts, and that don't seem to help it narv bit. Now they have got to give it a I i .. . ti i aose r preiimmarv arranere- ment" to clean out its system. and start all over aa'in. Dear 0 Dear! What a job it is to end our war with fWrnaTw? i f Our self starter worked all riifit, but something, seems to be the marr - with our self-stopper. But what I want to know is this: If the "peace resolution" didn't give us peace, what DID it give us$ Does anybody know? There may be lots of honest men in this country, but they; are all lost in the woods, and we can't spare the time to hunt for them. A man's stomach is sorter- round, and yet nothing fits it so well as a sauare meal. Ain't: that strange? Pass around a srreat truth on a flowered waiter, and nobody will pay any attention to it. But you put the same truth in a sling-shot and knock the blamed fools down with it and I'll bet you five cents .u Zll " T "v. a uucjr.wiJMjiiuuce. -Lnat-s xne Fool- Killers. way of doin b j SO 1 f rnn rl T ' f i4- v w ntve it,, ,yuu are wel come to it anyhow.